Thursday, June 5, 2014

All New X-men #28 Preview - Obsession Feeds Douche-Bags

I realized something recently. It has been a while since I went on one of my anti-Beast rants here on this blog. I find that remarkable because for a while, it seemed like Beast did something every other week that made me want to punch him in the face. His words and acts of hypocrisy have placed made him a Hall of Fame caliber douche-bag. It's not enough that he berates Cyclops for forming X-Force while he gives Wolverine a pass. It's also not enough that he condemns Cyclops for killing Charles Xavier and says jack shit about Tony Stark shooting the fucking Phoenix Force with a giant gun. And it's still not enough that he fucking lied to the O5 X-men about Cyclops committing a mutant genocide. Like Jenna Jameson after a gang bang, he's just never satisfied.

So I guess it should come as at least somewhat of a relief that Beast hasn't done much lately to add to his epic level of douche-baggery. Never mind that he's done absolutely jack shit to make up for it. At the very least, his teenage counterpart hasn't been following his older self's legacy that closely. Beast has basically gotten to a point where the act of not adding to his rap shit of assholery counts as progress. Then X-men: Battle of the Atom came along and we find out that Beast is destined to become an even bigger douche-bag by joining the future Brotherhood of Mutants. So much for progress.

But like a lot of things involving X-men: Battle of the Atom, there were a lot of loose ends. Granted, nobody should be surprised that Beast grew up to be both a bigger douche-bag and a World of Warcraft ripoff. Yet the that can't be the only reason he continued down his path to being a world class douche. I know I harp on details, but there are a few I'm okay with glossing over. I think at this point, everyone can assume that Beast was destined to be a douche-bag in the future. But I'm also okay with that process being explored. With the future Brotherhood of Mutants attacking the New Xavier School in All New X-men, it's a good time to reveal those details. And that's what we get in Newsarama's exclusive preview of All New X-men #28. Anyone who still has a sliver of hope that Beast may one day be the lovable over-sized stuff animal he once was might want ot avert their eyes.

So I guess this preview provides at least part of the answer. Part of Beast's further descent into douche-baggery can be attributed to his obsession, which his younger self already began in the previous arc. Like Star Wars fans obsessing over who shot first, Han or Greedo, it remains unresolved. And rather than bitch about it on a message board like healthy people, Beast loses his fucking mind by staring at a chalk board. Makes sense.

Beyond insight into Beast's douche-baggery, this preview acts as a prelude of sorts to what happened in X-men: Battle of the Atom. It's clear that the Brotherhood had been working on a way to fix the past. We already know that it was the assassination of Dazzler that drove them over the edge. So what more could they do to make it better? Well, Beast clearly isn't smart enough to figure it out. But Charles Xavier Jr. is, even if he's not smart enough to figure out whether Charles Xavier Sr. is his father or grandfather. I'm not going to bother trying to figure that out. It'll only make me waste valuable weed. I'm just going to assume it'll involve the kind of shit best reserved for X-rated fan fiction, some of which I probably might end up writing one day. Nuff said!


  1. I noticed in the preview of All New X-Men # 28, "future" beast mentioned President Dazzler; but Dazzler became president after the Brotherhood was formed. In Battle of the Atom #6 during the inauguration of Dazzler as president, Raze and Young Xavier was in the background already. Was this an editorial mistake or was it done on purpose? Your thoughts on the matter.

    1. Well dazzler's death was what turned beast and xorn in what they are now, and am i missing something ? but they never said when the brotherhood was formed.