A Familiar Youth Revival: Generation X #1

The following is my review of Generation X #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Adolescence, in some respects, is a fitting metaphor for mutation. Bodies change, mentality changes, and strange new abilities develop that are downright scary for those experiencing them, as well as those around them. Anyone who goes to high school or spends any significant amount of time around teenagers understands this. In that respect, the themes in X-men are both relevant and personal for many. Some call it puberty. Some call it an omega-level hormone surge.

This also makes the stories about the younger, less experienced generation of mutants more salient to the themes of the X-men comics as a whole. These aren't characters who have received extensive Danger Room training. These aren't characters who have they proven themselves by surviving no less than a fifty Sentinel attacks either. They're still teenagers trying to find their place in the world while going through a traumatic change in their bodies and minds. It's hard enough just making it through high school. Adding real superpowers to the mix is like giving the Hulk a migraine.

Given the recent trends in extinction plots and mass sterilization, there haven't been many opportunities to explore the youthful side of the X-men. That finally changes with Generation X, a series where mutant teenagers can just be mutant teenagers without having to worry about poison clouds or the Scarlet Witch's mental health. Christina Strain and Amilcar Pinna bring the X-men's young guns back into the mix with a fresh foundation devoid of sterilization or extinction.

In Generation X #1, that foundation emerges through the perspective of familiar and not-so-familiar faces. The Xavier Institute is open once more. It's back to using its old title, no longer acting as a testament to Wolverine's creepy obsession with Jean Grey. It's not just a school anymore either. The Xavier Institute's mission is bolder and broader. After facing issues like cosmic forces, toxic gas clouds, and time travelers, it sort of has to be.

Teenagers have a hard enough time with school and hormones, but Generation X dares to add even higher stakes. The world after Inhumans vs. X-men is still taking shape in the sense that both teams are still finding their place in a new status quo. That's where Jubilee's familiar perspective helps give context. Beyond being a character closely associated with the classic 90s series, she brings her own story into the narrative.

It's a story that fell to the wayside during the conflict with the Inhumans. She's still a mutant vampire. She still has an adopted son named Shogo. She's still trying to navigate a world where her mentor, Logan, is dead. Her taking on a leadership role for a team of young, inexperienced mutants almost seems like overkill. However, Strain and Pinna make it easy to root for her. True to the spirit of the classic X-men cartoon from the 90s, she carries herself with an infectious spirit that sets the mood for the story and her supporting cast.

By contrast, a less familiar perspective offers more traditional adolescent angst. Nathanial Cavier, also known as Hindsight, is the other character that Strain and Pinna utilize to set the tone for Generation X. His is one that anyone who felt anxious on their first day of high school can relate to. He spends most of the story just in his surroundings, coming across the rest of the cast and learning about their quirks. It's like orientation with destructive mutant powers and nosy telepaths. From a teenage perspective, it's like boot camp and brain surgery all rolled into one.

Having both a familiar and unfamiliar character lead the narrative helps create a balanced perspective as the cast takes shape. While the main cast for the series includes Jubilee, Bling, Kid Omega, Nature Girl, Morph, Hindsight, and Eye-Boy, there are other major X-men characters that help tie Generation X into the larger narrative of the X-men comics. Kitty Pryde, being the new headmaster and leader, is the most notable. She's also the one who gives Jubilee her blessing to lead a new generation of students who are still learning how to fight Sentinels.

In terms of bringing the main cast together, Generation X #1 succeeds in that it navigates the X-men's unofficial bureaucracy. They don't get distinct uniforms or anything, but Strain and Pinna craft a narrative that establishes a new team with Jubilee acting as the catalyst. Beyond that success, though, the story doesn't check quite as many boxes.

Even as the team takes shape, the diverse and quirky class of young mutants don't get a chance to do much. While a new host of challenges and conflicts are set up towards the end, there's not really a major clash that helps bring the team together. In fact, the greatest source of action in the story involves Kid Omega throwing a temper tantrum over losing an expensive pair of shoes.

Granted, Kid Omega has thrown tantrums over far less and with far greater destructive power, but it doesn't exactly harden the cast of Generation X against other prospective threats. At the very least, though, it sets the tone for the kind of volatile dynamics they'll be dealing with. Being a team of superpowered teenagers, that should be the first and most important lesson of any mutant team.

Beyond Kid Omega's tantrum, only a handful of other characters get a chance to interact or participate. Other than Jubilee, Hindsight, and Kid Omega, the rest of the cast just puts themselves in a position to participate in Generation X. In that sense, Generation X #1 works as a successful orientation for an incoming freshman class. Between new and familiar faces, as well as the inherent volatility that comes with adolescence, Strain and Pinna set the stage for a new generation of X-men. Whether they survive the experience, or even wish they did, remains to be seen.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #12

Some people have multiple personalities that change as often as Lady Gaga’s dress sense. One day they’re loving and caring. The next they’re angry and hostile to the point of wanting to snap the neck of puppies. These people are usually not the kind of people who should be in positions of power where their authority is wielded on the whim of whatever meds they are or aren’t taking. That’s part of what makes someone like Storm such a perfect headmaster for the Jean Grey Institute. More than any other X-man, she has been the emotional and spiritual rock for generations of mutants. Her loving, compassionate grace is more consistent than Peyton Manning on game day.

But what happens when that rock of stability turns into a badly hung over Wolverine? That’s exactly what the inversion has done to Storm in the events of Avengers and X-men: AXIS. Thanks to yet another case of the Scarlet Witch’s bullshit, she and some of the other X-men have gone evil. Now she’s about as compassionate as a hungry grizzly that shits typhoons. And she is still the head of the Jean Grey Institute. May Odin and every other god in the Marvel universe have mercy on the poor souls of the students.

Almost as jarring as Storm going evil is Kid Omega suddenly not being the insufferable douche-bag he’s been for the last decade. He certainly went out of his way to exercise his douche-baggery in the events leading up to Wolverine’s death. He took over the Phoenix Corporation, quit the Jean Grey Institute, and generally shrugged off Wolverine’s death the same way Chuck Norris shrugs off a hangover. Now he’s partying it up at the Hellfire Club. It’s basically like an orgy at the Playboy mansion and cocaine bender with Charlie Sheen. An douche-bag teen should be in heaven, but that’s not how Kid Omega feels anymore.

He’s at this party, surrounded by the kind of rich assholes he would love to mind-fuck just to give himself a boner. Yet he doesn’t feel inclined to do any of that shit. His inner monologue details the extent of his inversion, something that has been explored in other tie-ins. It’s been explored better because all it really shows here is that Kid Omega is no longer exercising his douce-bag tendencies, but it’s still nice to see the nuts and bolts of the inversion.

What isn’t nearly as nice is seeing the Hellfire Brats again. Yes, the pre-pubescent asshats who turned the entire concept of the Hellfire Club into an exercise in absurdity/pedophilia are still alive and I’m still pissed off about it. And no, they haven’t changed at all. They’re still the same insufferable assholes. But they do at least remind Kid Omega that he tends to cause a lot more property damage at these parties. Hell, he did just that a few issues ago on his own birthday. But now he might as well be the bathroom attendant cleaning vomit off the floor from guys who can’t handle their blow. It does help reinforce the extent of Kid Omega’s inversion, but it doesn’t make seeing the Hellfire Brats again any less infuriating.

At this point, no more reinforcement is needed to show that Kid Omega is not his usual asshole self. But we get it anyways, even though most of us are starting to get sick of it and looking for more potent weed. After rubbing elbows with the Hellfire Brats, Kid Omega meets up with some old friends from the Jean Grey Institute, including Idie and Broo. For some reason, they actually accepted his invitation to a party at the Hellfire Club. That would be like Reed Richards agreeing to go to a strip club with Dr. Doom. It should raise more than a few red flags, but that’s besides the point.

Their reactions to Kid Omega’s invitation and attitude are funny. I’d be shocked too if I met my old algebra teacher and found out he became peaceful, non-violent hippie who didn’t hide a bottle of whiskey under his desk in between classes. It just falls too flat. Kid Omega attempts to paint it as something Wolverine would’ve wanted. But given how he’s gone out of his way to piss all over Wolverine’s grave in recent issues, it really has no impact. It’s not terrible. It’s not egregious, given the inverted circumstances. It’s just not all that interesting without the aid of LSD.

But guess what is more interesting? How about Storm doing whatever the fuck she wants to do, even if it means swapping spit with some guy she doesn’t know who happens to be at the party with another woman? That’s the sort of shit we would expect from Emma Frost or Mystique, but not Storm. Even if her lover did just die, this is now how she usually copes. Hell, if I recall, she was still at the stage where she was sleeping with Wolverine’s jacket and his empty bottles of whiskey. Now she’s already at that stage where she’s getting over a tragedy by getting under whoever moistens her panties. I’m shocked and incredibly turned on.

She doesn’t just kiss the guy either. She actually kisses the woman too. So yes, Storm has now basically become her own porno fantasy and my penis couldn’t be happier. There doesn’t need to be any monolog for this shit. Her actions are more than enough to reveal the extent of her inversion. This is not the same loving, compassionate Storm that so many people love and respect. This is a Storm who operates by the, “I’ll do and fuck whatever and whoever I want in that order.” It’s shocking, but sexy as fuck.

This surprises Kid Omega and probably gives him a hell of a boner. He doesn’t really do much. To be fair, he’s not in a position to do much either. This is Storm. This is one woman even Kid Omega doesn’t fuck with outside his darkest masturbatory fantasies. She makes it clear that she’s here to do whatever the fuck she wants to do and if he doesn’t like it, he can go suck a tornado’s dick. And when a couple of bouncers show up to try and kick her out, she kindly turns them away by kicking their asses.

Again, no monologue is needed for this shit. Storm’s actions do plenty to send the right message. This is an inverted Storm. She doesn’t give a flying fuck anymore. And anyone who dares fuck with her buzz can expect a concussion and a full-blown monsoon up their ass. It’s jarring, especially after all the grace and elegance she demonstrated in recent issues. And maybe this reveals some of the flaws within AXIS itself because it flips these characters so severely that it really doesn’t feel genuine anymore. This Storm might as well be an evil clone. But seeing as how there are enough Madelyne Pryors in the Marvel universe, I’m not going to say the concept is completely without merit.

Kid Omega is pretty shell shocked, but even in his inverted form, nobody really gives a shit about his opinion. It’s when the other students from the Jean Grey Institute that shit really gets serious. They calmly ask Storm if she’s okay. She responds by hitting them with a fucking hurricane. Now even for an inverted Storm, that’s pretty extreme. That’s like fighting an ant hill with napalm. There’s no discussion or debate either. She just tells them to fuck off and then helps herself to money in one of the cash registers. It’s another instance where the inversion becomes so extreme that it fails to have the same impact. We get it. She’s not herself. But there’s a fine line between being inverted and an evil clone. This story is basically dry-humping that line. It still gives me a boner, but only to an extent.

Finally, Kid Omega decided to do something. Unfortunately, doing something for him usually means doing something that ends up pissing everybody off. Even in his inverted form, Kid Omega finds a way. He uses a little telekinetic gun-slinging, along with some traditional mind-fuck to calm Storm the fuck down before she goes Hurricane Katrina on all of them. It works, but only to the extent that it pisses off the Hellfire Club’s insurance company. It doesn’t snap Storm out of her inversion. In fact, she decides to thank him for stopping her by punching him in the jaw. And even if it’s misguided in these circumstances, nobody would argue that Kid Omega hasn’t done plenty to earn 100 punches just like it.

It’s this moment that’s really the most telling. By having Storm and Kid Omega clash, it establishes a clear dichotomy with this inversion. Basically, an inverted Storm is way more powerful than an inverted Kid Omega. An inverted Storm is also way sexier and way easier to jerk off to. Anybody who denies that is lying through their teeth. And it’s this moment where Storm stands over an emasculated Kid Omega where we see just how strong these inversions truly are. It should make everybody a lot less inclined to piss Storm off, regardless of whether she’s inverted.

After Storm successfully shrinks Kid Omega’s balls the size of a peanut, she ditches him. This leaves Kid Omega behind with a very irritated group of Hellfire Brats. They told him to not fuck up another one of their parties. And even though this wasn’t his fault, he’s the one that gets the blame. It’s not fair, but nobody is going to feel too sorry for this kid. Let’s face it. Even if this party had gone as well as any traditional Hellfire orgy, he would have found a way to fuck up another one. As far as I’m concerned, Storm just saved them all and the insurance company a lot of frustration.

Even if nobody feels sorry for Kid Omega, it does put him in a position to better-understand what’s going on. He seems to know that something is very fucked up with him and Storm, but he still hasn’t connected the dots. And he’s supposed to be an omega level telepath, even though that label has become about as meaningless as an honorary degree from Arizona State. But even without the knowledge of Dr. Doom and the Scarlet Witch’s spell, he has a better idea of what’s going on here. He basically know knows what we all knew several issues ago. He’s way behind the curve and he’s really not in a position to do much else about it. So in that sense, not much gets accomplished other than ruining another perfectly good orgy.

I look at this story the same way I look at a dog that accidentally ate a bag of weed. It’s a spectacle, but not in the same sense that clown car crashing into a bakery is a spectacle. The strength of this story is its ability to make the concept of an evil Storm and a non-douchey Kid Omega entertaining. It works, but only in the sense that a firecracker works. It has its moments. It’s fun from a very shallow standpoint. It’s just not much more than that.

There’s no real impact on the ongoing events of AXIS. There’s nothing profound revealed about Storm, Kid Omega, the Hellfire Club, or the recent death of Wolverine. It’s just highlighting the fucked up nature of an evil Storm and a non-douchy Kid Omega. In this, Wolverine and the X-men #12 succeeds. It doesn’t make that concept feel fucked up to the point that no amount of bong hits can make it entertaining. It’s not going to leave anybody’s jaw on the floor either. Those who fantasize about Storm being a dominatrix might have something to work with here, but I imagine those fantasies have no place outside seedy European clubs. I give this comic a 6 out of 10. It’s good. It neither induces vomiting nor inspires multiple nerdgasms. For those who don’t have access to a clown car or know a good bakery, this comic will do the job. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #11

Mourning the loss of a loved one is like the antithesis of masturbation in that there’s no wrong way to do it and nobody really enjoys it. I imagine it doesn’t suck quite as much in the Marvel universe because death is such a revolving door that for some characters, their loved ones might as well treat it as one of Brett Favre’s temporary retirements. Some may argue this limits the emotional impact of death. I think it’s refreshing because death sucks enough in real life. We don’t need it to suck as much in comics. That doesn’t mean it still won’t suck for Wolverine’s loved ones. His death has just started to reverberate throughout the X-men comics like letter from the IRS at Willie Nelson’s house.

Wolverine and the X-men #11 continues to follow Melita Gardner, one of Wolverine’s ex-girlfriends that didn’t wind up dead somehow, as she compiles stories and pictures for a book she’s writing to celebrate Wolverine’s life and the fact she got to bone him without dying. She’s already interacted with the students and staff of the school he helped found and they’ve recounted some fun stories, many of which ignore certain unflattering details like Wolverine’s whiskey stash, his temper, and his tendency for hitting on married women out of respect. Hopefully that means they don’t forget those shortcomings when he eventually returns, most likely in time for his next shitty solo movie at Fox. And hopefully, Melita doesn’t let that stop her from doing her job. That would make her more dedicated than half the people at CNN.

Much of Melita’s story and the work she’s been doing on this book has been built on flashbacks. Lots and lots of flashbacks. While flashbacks are usually a good way to make a comic difficult to read while stoned, the nature of the story here makes it work. Melita has triggered many in interviewing the folks at the Jean Grey Institute. But there’s still room for her own flashbacks. It’s hard to believe, but she did actually date Wolverine for a while and she actually survived. I know I said that already, but I think it’s worth repeating. Melita dated Wolverine, survived, and didn’t swear revenge on him. That makes her one of the most mature relationships he’s had in recent years. It also makes a flashback of her and Wolverine when they were together feel fitting. It even shows that in terms of ex-girlfriends, she’s a freakin’ unicorn in terms of ending things on good terms.

In the present, Melita is still seeking out stories about Wolverine from those who knew him best. She spent all of last issue exploring the Jean Grey institute. Now she seeks out others he worked with. In the same way Wolverine gets around every bar and Japanese whore house, he’s also had quite a few crossovers. Spider-Man is by far one of the characters he’s worked with the most and Melita makes it a point to get in touch with him (through Peter Parker, of course). While Wolverine’s reputation among the X-men is solid, his reputation with Spider-Man is slightly more complicated and not just because they’re both so fond of sexy redheads.

But the meeting doesn’t just lead to another flashback. It actually gets even more emotional than Melita’s flashback. It’s easy to forget in this era when we know celebrities die every time they start trending on Twitter that word doesn’t always travel as fast. The news of Wolverine’s death hasn’t exactly leaked out. It’s not like a reporter found him lying dead in a tub of whiskey. So that means those not in the X-men, like Spider-Man, wouldn’t know about his death. And when Melita reveals it, this makes for another emotional moment that hits all the right chords.

But it doesn’t get too depressing. This is where can do more than just confuse the hell out of stoners and drunks. Spider-Man recounts to Melita one of his many crossovers with Wolverine, but he singled out a battle against an army of Doombots as the story most worth telling. I can’t say I blame him. Any memory that involves busting up Doombots with Wolverine is a memory worth cherishing. But it’s a memory that does more than just mix in some action. It actually involves a meaningful conversation between Spider-Man and Wolverine about the merits of him starting the Jean Grey Institute and what kind of example a hard-drinking, temperamental Canadian would set. It’s not just fitting. It’s downright relevant and shows that even when he’s in the middle of fighting armies of Doombots, Wolverine can inspire more than just violence and redhead fetishes.

It’s a good flashback during an emotional moment. That’s exactly why it’s somewhat jarring when it skips right ahead to Melita and Spider-Man confronting Kid Omega. I won’t say that’s completely random. Kid Omega is someone who was heavily influenced by Wolverine and not always in a good way. In fact, they both influenced one another in way too many bad ways, but it was part of what made them both better as characters so I’m not going to get too picky about the details. I’m too drunk for that.

Regardless of what those details might be, Kid Omega is still an omega-level prick. While others are reacting to the death of Wolverine, Kid Omega threw a big ass party. And even after everybody passed out, he decided to deal with it by sitting on his ass and watching movies. Laziness is a good reaction to many things. The death of a friend isn’t one of them.

Needless to say, Meltia and Spider-Man don’t take kindly to him. At the same time, Kid Omega does offer a very different take on Wolverine. Whereas others share fond memories and relevant flashbacks, Kid Omega offers none of that shit. He basically spits on Wolverine’s fresh corpse, saying he was just a killer at heart who pretended to be a school headmaster. And that school he ran might as well have been a training ground for kids destined to scare the shit out of ordinary people. It leads to Melita and Spider-Man each taking turns shutting him up, but that doesn’t make what he says less relevant.

Kid Omega is a dick so what he says about Wolverine shouldn’t be taken with the same credibility as Bill Maher’s last drug test. But what he says is somewhat valid. Wolverine was, at his core, a killer. He always reverted to his killer instincts in some form or another. Even when he tried being a peaceful headmaster, he still went out on missions that involved him stabbing people. It is a disconnect, but Spider-Man rightly points out how full of shit Kid Omega is in using it as the sole basis for judging Wolverine. Part of what made Wolverine such a hero was that he fought so others wouldn’t have to. That makes him awesome in ways that most asshole teenagers can never understand.

So meeting with Kid Omega didn’t lead to a flashback or give Melita a balanced perspective for her book, but it did offer some insight. She and Spider-Man leave in what I imagine to be a pretty pissed off state of mind. They end up parting ways, agreeing that Kid Omega is full of shit and deserves more than a few spankings. But that only makes getting a better perspective more important.

And who better to give that perspective than Storm? It’s a moment that has been building since the previous issue, two of Wolverine’s ex-lovers meeting and recounting the life of a man they one loved. This isn’t like Jerry Springer when two angry ex-girlfriends to at one another in a way college students can cheer for and/or jerk off to. These two women both loved Wolverine dearly and Storm happened to be the one Wolverine was actively dating when he died. It sounds crazier than anything Kid Omega could say, but it is possible for two women who dated the same man to bond and Storm gives her the best possible perspective Wolverine could hope for that doesn’t involve a bartender.

It leads to another flashback. This one is a lot less complicated than the one Spider-Man recounted. It’s as basic a recollection as anyone can have with Wolverine. Storm goes on a trip to Japan with Wolverine, they get attacked by ninjas, and they kick the asses of said ninjas. It’s practically a dinner date for Wolverine and the women he loves. Hell, it might even count as foreplay. It doesn’t come off as overly romantic, but it shows that Wolverine and Storm could kick a lot of ass together. They could battle an army of ninjas, still catch a movie, and then make sweet love on top of Mount Fuji. It’s as romantic and as awesome as it sounds. It is also by far the most meaningful flashback in this whole arc.

Beyond the flashback, Storm makes a very powerful point that effectively tells Melita all she needs to know about Wolverine. This is a man who will fight, stab, and swear his way through any battle. But he’s also willing to trust others to be just as awesome. He trusted Storm to hold her own against an army of ninjas, just as he trusted her give horny every time they were behind closed doors. It’s a special kind of trust that most killers and stab-happy drunks don’t give, but he gave it to those he cared about. It’s a powerful message and one that could only be delivered by Storm. It gives Melita just the right perspective she needs to make her book work. As the woman whose love for Wolverine was probably the most genuine, it makes for such a satisfying moment.

Leave it Kid Omega to cheapen that moment. Melita and Spider-Man must have made a couple of brain cells semi-functional because Kid Omega finally decided to deal with Wolverine’s death in a somewhat less-douchy way. For him, that means traveling to the Savage Land and leaving a monument for him. Sure, it’s a shitty monument. A rocking chair is hardly a monument to Wolverine. If he really gave a damn, he would leave a giant case of whiskey. But still, it’s better than nothing and probably the most Wolverine could’ve expected from Kid Omega.

The main theme of this story isn’t built around funerals, vengeance, or killer robots. For once, the death of a major character is explored in a way that feels genuine. The X-men aren’t setting out on some mission to turn Sabretooth into a rug. They’re just recounting how he affected their lives and Melita Gardner provides a perfect perspective for that mission. Some of the stories she explores are cheesy, but they all hit the right emotional chords. Even Kid Omega’s brief sliver of emotion felt genuine. That alone gives this story the depth it needs to be awesome. It’s still lacking in some areas and the constant flashbacks are somewhat jarring. But it feels like a much healthier way to deal with the death of a character. That’s why I give Wolverine and the X-men #11 an 8 out of 10. In a comic book world where every great loss seems to require more therapy than anyone could reasonably provide, this is probably as healthy and competent a recourse as we’ll get. And it didn’t even require Oprah or Dr. Phil. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #8

There are a number of things on my bucket list that I know I probably won't have a chance to fulfill before my liver shuts down. I'm not saying it's impossible that I'll get to go on a date with Jennifer Lawrence and Megan Fox that ends with us naked in a tub full of whiskey. I'm just saying I'm keeping my expectations realistic. We all know we're going to die. It's one of those disconcerting things we like to forget about with religion, drinking, or a mixture of both. Wolverine has been lucky in that he hasn't really had to worry about that shit, but he still drinks anyways. That all changed when he lost his healing factor. Now he drinks for an entirely different reason, but he also has more urgency to complete his bucket list. There is at least one thing he knows he can cross over. He can die knowing that he got to love an actual goddess of a woman in Storm. And in Wolverine and the X-men #8, he gets to go on what might be his last date with her. I don't care how he dies. He could die a terrible death and have Sabretooth shit out his remains. He'll still be able to say he died happy on some levels because he got to date Storm.

To make sure this doesn't end up as one of those dates that gets interrupted by a Sentinel attack or an invasion from the future, Wolverine and Storm set their date up in a place where they can work around the constant threat of the institute being blown up. They decide to share a little romance within The World, the cozy little pocket dimension that Fantomex keeps in his back pocket next to naked pictures of Psylocke. In this place, time flows differently. A few minutes to us is a lifetime in the World. That means they could go on multiple dates, complete with heavy petting and foreplay, in the time it takes to heat up a hot pocket. Part of me wants to call it another bullshit time travel gimmick, but I prefer to call it a time exploit. It's not bullshit if it's the equivalent to a cheat code in in a video game.

And Storm and Wolverine take full advantage of it, treating it the same way any adults would treat a date night. Except for them, a date in the World means a romantic dinner atop some giant rock tower with flying dinosaur-like creatures flying around overhead. It's not as fucked up as it sounds. In fact, Storm finds it romantic. She might even be turned on by it. Plus, it's probably way cheaper than getting reservations at some overpriced restaurant on Yelp.

While time is flowing differently for them, life at the Jean Grey Institute continues as normal. It's still the same place where young mutants learn to deal with their new powers while living under the constant threat of the school getting blown up every other week. And after the recent battle with Faithful John and the Phoenix Corporation, the mood is still somewhat tense. It's like the day after a drug raid from the cops and nobody has any weed. Some, like Armor, are still struggling to cope without the aid of weed. There's not much to be gained from this, other than acting as a reminder that Storm and Wolverine are very much the heart of the Jean Grey Institute and these students still need them. And as much as they care for their students, they need a break from their teenage angsty bullshit and they'll hide in a pocket dimension to get it.

Storm and Wolverine spend the equivalent of seven days in the World, which amounts to multiple dates and plenty of make-up sex. There's no ambiguity or teasing here. Storm is shown topless and quite cozy with a shirtless Wolverine. Were this a show on HBO, there would definitely be some tits, bush, beans, and franks being served. My penis is already at full throttle, contemplating all the ways Storm and Wolverine spent seven days alone together. It's the kind of romantic getaway that few heroes ever get, even when they try to cheat time. It's a beautiful thing that'll bring tears and boners for everyone.

Unfortunately, even pocket dimensions are prone to cock-blocking. Seven days of peace, quiet, and lovemaking were just too much for Storm and Wolverine to enjoy. Something had to come along to ruin it all. A bunch of Skrull-lite aliens attack them in this private moment, effectively killing any chance at another romp. But they don't let it completely kill the romance. There's only so much excitement they can get on a date without something trying to kill them.

It still becomes an annoyance because Wolverine gets knocked out at one point, as he often does. When he wakes up, he and Storm are now somehow leaders of a resistance army to overthrow some upstart tyrant named War King who's trying to take over The World. It couldn't be more generic if it were a side-quest in an Elder Scrolls game. They even have a new friend, Azuth the Elder, who has incredibly poor English skills and way too much enthusiasm for when it comes to fighting oppressive tyrants. But Storm is already fully into it, treating this the same way most couples would treat a romantic walk in the park. Wolverine is frustrated, having had enough people try to kill him since he lost his healing factor. But Storm is already wearing a sexy resistance uniform so he's not in a position to argue.

It only takes them 11 days to stage a final showdown with War King. There's not much detail given on how Wolverine and Storm set up this showdown or how they led some massive resistance effort. There's no epic build-up to the battle. There's no elaborate backstory. It just cuts straight to Wolverine taking on War King and annoys him long enough for Storm to finish him off. It's no Lord of the Rings trilogy. And for once, I'm okay with there being few details.

The main point here isn't to make Storm and Wolverine the head of some rebellion. Hell, that in and of itself could be it's own series if Marvel were inclined to do something so awesome. The point of this issue is for Wolverine and Storm to go on a date. For them, a successful date sometimes involves overthrowing a repressive tyrant. It's like an extreme form of role playing, minus the goofy costumes and bad acting.

Three months later and Storm is already being worshiped as a goddess and a noble ruler, as she should be. They've already got statues of her likeness and they probably pamper her and Wolverine the same way a spa pampers one of the Kardashian sisters. It sounds like a pretty sweet deal, being ruler of their own little world while the world outside them is always intent on blowing them up. But it's still not why they came to The World in the first place. Sure, overthrowing a tyrannical leader is nice and all, but they get that shit as X-men. Because of that, they start having doubts that they can ever get a little peace and quiet where they can just be two people in love enjoying each other's company. It's like living in a world where people take the Catholic Church seriously. They never have a moment to just enjoy themselves.

This leads them to get away from the chaos yet again. More months pass within the World while the rest of the world is basically in the middle of a commercial break in a baseball game. The events start to drag here. First, Wolverine has a chat with Azuth on why he's not the one running things. There's some insight into how he ended up on the wrong side of a tyrannical clusterfuck, but it's still poorly detailed and basically a distraction from more important shit, like Wolverine and Storm making better use of all this time.

Somehow that leads to Wolverine playing survivor in some fucked up version of the Amazon. He's now got a full beard, no doubt a desire to turn his manliness up to 11 for Storm. He still ends up having to be rescued by her when he gets chased by a T-rex sized mammoth, but he doesn't seem to mind. More time passes and now they're building something together for reasons that aren't explained. I get that the passage of time in the World is different, but it gets pretty fucking confusing at times. It's hard to tell whether this still counts as a date. But nobody has tried to skip out on the check so I'm assuming it's still on.

It finally starts making sense again after a year in the World, which I guess is as long as a re-run of Robot Chicken in the real world. In that year, Storm and Wolverine have spent enough time to appreciate their romance. It leads to a very honest, very heartfelt conversation that should give Oprah fans a pussy boner. Wolverine basically tells Storm how much she means to him. She's not this unattainable piece of ass he could never tap like Jean Grey. She's not decadent one night stand like Domino. He makes it clear to her that she has a special place in his heart. And for once, there are no conflicting emotions. There's no shitty love triangle. There's just an honest, sincere showing of emotion from a man whose emotions are usually limited to being pissed off and drunk.

For Storm/Wolverine fans, this is the kind of scene that usually only exists in wet dreams and poorly written fan fiction. Ever since Storm and Wolverine got together, I've been frustrated by the utter lack of development they've gotten. After putting so much effort into failed relationships like Cyclops/Emma and Storm/Black Panther, it felt like gross negligence to not give Storm/Wolverine that kind of treatment. But waiting in line to get a kiss from Jennifer Lawrence, some things are worth the wait. And this powerful moment was definitely worth the wait, no matter what pocket dimension it was in.

Eventually, Storm and Wolverine return to the regular world where they go back to helping young mutants like Armor and preparing for the next attempt to blow up the institute. But the don't leave the World completely unaffected. Before they left, they reveal that they actually built a version of the Jean Grey Institute in the world for Azuth to run. It's a fitting way for them to leave their mark. They overthrow a tyrant, start a school, and squeeze in a little sweet loving along the way. Overall, it makes for the perfect date. It's just sad that it'll probably the be last one Wolverine ever goes on. Even so, the fact he went on it with Storm means he can still die happy.

This issue accomplished one thing more than anything else. It made sure that when Wolverine dies, it it'll have a devastating impact on Storm. This is issue is a case study in what Marvel should've done if they wanted to make Storm and Black Panther a romance that people would actually give a shit about. Thanks to a different kind of time travel that I didn't find infuriating for once, Storm and Wolverine got to spend a year together learning to love, cherish, and relate to one another. There are celebrity engagements that don't last that long. And while their date got side-tracked along the way, they still found a way to make it feel meaningful and deep. This issue highlighted all the ways in which Storm and Wolverine are so good for one another. Fuck retcons, royalty, and contrived marriages. This is how to make a romantic story awesome. And with Wolverine's death coming soon, this is just going to give it way more impact. Wolverine and the X-men #8 gets an 8 out of 10. But for fans of the Storm/Wolverine relationship, this issue should be encased in adamantium and preserved until the end times. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #7

I believe there are certain breeds of ex-girlfriends that deserve to be classified as their own unique species. What is it about certain women that fills them with an inhuman need to make a man suffer endlessly for a failed relationship? Even the devil isn’t as vindictive as some of the women I’ve known. At least these women don’t have superpowers, otherwise a good chunk of the male population would have been horribly mutilated five minutes ago. Wolverine, being Marvel’s most accomplished man-whore, has his share of bitter ex-lovers who are probably planning to have an orgy at his upcoming funeral. Between Mystique and Deathstrike, I would be shocked if this funeral didn’t cause a global shortage of lube. But I’m not sure I would put Melita Garner, his most recent ex in that list. Their relationship was brief, but she didn’t exactly swear to bathe in the entrails of his rotting corpse. Now she’s set to return in the pages of Wolverine and the X-men #7. I don’t know what to expect, but if I were Wolverine, I’d put an adamantium cup around my junk for the duration of this issue.

It’s a good sign that Melita has been busy, but not with plotting her ultimate revenge against her former lover. That alone puts her above half my ex-girlfriends. She’s actually been hard at work, putting together a book covering the life of Wolverine. She’s basically writing his biography and why shouldn’t she? She is a reporter and she did actually date him for a while. She’s seen him naked and she’s been a target of Wolverine’s enemies, yet she survived. She has guts and a great rack. She’s already gone about contacting Wolverine’s old allies/drinking buddies, including Kazar. I honestly couldn’t think of anyone more qualified.

It’s a perfect time for someone to write a biography of Wolverine. He’s set to die in a few months and it can only help Melita’s career, having survived dating Wolverine long enough to write a book about it. Only one supremely powerful force could put a stop to this. No, I’m not talking about Sabretooth on a meth binge. I’m talking about lawyers.

As someone who is on a first-name basis with the lawyers and judges at traffic court, I can say without reservation that legal issues can fuck up any good idea. If Jesus Christ tried to start a ministry today, he would probably get harassed by the IRS so much that he would go back to being a carpenter. In this instance, it’s Daredevil who throws a legal wrench into her plan in the form of a cease and desist letter. Wolverine doesn’t want her writing this book and not just because she’s seen him naked. I imagine she’s pretty pissed off, even by ex-girlfriend standards. But one of her colleagues, Ben Ulrich, does point out rightly that Wolverine is very different now that he’s lost his healing factor. He’s not wrong either. But Melita doesn’t know that. As far as she knows, he’s still the ill-mannered brute who can drink a whole keg of whiskey and still pass a breathalyzer.

The extent of this change is nicely demonstrated when Wolverine takes some time to look in the mirror and realize just how much it sucks not having his healing factor. For once, getting hit by a truck isn’t something he can just walk off. When someone hits him, he gets bruised. When someone cuts him, he bleeds. It shows just how vulnerable he has become. It’s almost tragic, him not being able to spit and swear while choking down whiskey like it’s air. But it helps prove Ulrich’s point to Melita.

This would have been a much nicer insight into Wolverine’s new vulnerability if it weren’t obscured by all these asides with various students at the Jean Grey Institute. I know this isn’t Wolverine’s solo title and he’s not the center of the world in this series, even though his name is in the damn title. But these scenes with Armor, Iceman, and Glob Herman really don’t do shit other than remind everyone that even a school for mutants can be just as boring as a school for humans. Very little of these interactions add anything meaningful to the plot. It almost feels like a distraction, but not in the David Blaine style that ends with him pulling a card out of his large intestines.

The more pressing story involves Melita and her book. Naturally, she’s pretty pissed off that lawyers have gotten involved in a way that would render all her hard work useless. I guess just being able to say she dated Wolverine and survived isn’t enough for her. Some women are just that demanding I guess. Daredevil claims that this is just Wolverine’s way of protecting her. Knowing that an army of ninjas or an assassins is never far from him or the people he cares about, that’s not as unreasonable as most legal requests.

This is where Melita continues to show that she’s the good kind of ex-girlfriend, if it is possible for such a creature to exist. She rightly points out that the reason Wolverine has so many people who want to kill him is because they all see him as a monster. To be fair, that monster has butchered and maimed a lot of people, banging and leaving plenty of women along the way. But Metita still believes that people should know the man behind the ruthless killing machine/man-whore. I can’t necessarily disagree with that. I can only add that knowing the man might only make some of Wolverine’s enemies hesitate to butcher him horribly. It won’t make them crave his severed head any less.

I would have liked to see Melita plead her case even more, as useless as it might be. Legal issues aren’t known for placing a high value on rational arguments. But instead, we get more side-plots involving students at the Jean Grey Institute. However, this time they’re a bit more meaningful in that they build from the events of the Phoenix Corporation arc. I’d still rather see Melita describe all the death-defying shit she had to do to get to know Wolverine, but I’m okay with seeing Idie being cute.

Having recently experienced the joys of time travel and becoming almost as sick of it as I am, she’s not feeling like her usual cute self. She ended up cutting class and ditching Glob Herman when he tried to be friendly with her. Eventually, Broo tracks her down and tries to be that lovable yet terrifying creature she grew so fond of. But she’s still not feeling it. She still comes off as someone who just had to sit through an extended cut of Battlefield Earth.

Broo can’t seem to cheer her up. Then Storm enters the picture. And if Storm can’t get her out of this post-time travel slump, nobody who doesn’t have a prescription for unlimited weed can. They have a pretty deep conversation, but one that’s somewhat confusing. Idie claims nothing really matters now because she has seen the future. She saw how shitty things turn out for her and Kid Omega. Yet even when she does bad shit like joining the Hellfire Academy, she get special treatment. While most teenagers would exploit the shit out of that until it got them a new Ferrari, she’s not comfortable with that. I want to say it’s teen angst, but even teen angst isn’t this shallow.

That’s the problem with this side-plot. Idie has been affected by seeing the future, but in a painfully confusing way. I’m guessing the Jean Grey Institute has a class on time travel. If not, they damn well ought to because part of seeing a shitty future involves coming back to the past to change it. Idie complaining about the future she saw is like complaining about Cleveland Browns having another losing season before the season even begins. It may seem like a safe bet, but it’s not carved in fucking granite. It makes for a lousy attempt to create teen drama and it makes Idie feel a lot less lovable and endearing than usual, which is tragic in its own right.

It almost makes going over legal issues more preferable, which is also saying a lot. Wolverine and Daredevil end up discussing this legal clusterfuck over a quiet evening of fighting ninjas. I guess that’s their version of grabbing a beer and going to a baseball game. Not much insight is given into ninja attack number 2,039,205,680. It’s painfully generic to the point where Wolverine and Daredevil can actually discuss legal issues in between. And when Doop gets into the mix, it becomes even more lopsided.

To be fair to lawyers just this once, Daredevil says he agrees with Melita. And for once, he can’t say that he agrees with her because she has a nice rack. Maybe he can claim she smells good, but he’s actually got the high ground this time. But Wolverine still won’t change his mind. As far as he’s concerned, fighting ninjas on a night where he should be getting drunk with Storm is proof enough that he can’t let even his ex-girlfriend get caught up in the fucked up dangers of his life. Wolverine is a lot of things, but he’s not the kind of guy who just lets ninjas rip up his ex-girlfriend, especially when she hasn’t yet sworn revenge on him. At the very least, Daredevil forces him to consider that plain fear is a bad excuse for making a dick move. That’s the kind of shit that makes ex-girlfriends swear revenge in the first place.

More side-plots enter the picture, but once again it helps that they stem from the events of the previous arc. The battle against Faithful John essentially forced Fantomex to become a defender of the Jean Grey Institute. This guy, who has a history of shooting kids in the head, is the last person anyone would want to defend a school. But he did his part, saving the school and Genesis. I’ll give him that. But when Storm confronts him while he’s off getting drunk, he goes on this drunken rant about how vulnerable Wolverine and the school has become. It’s not even a very insightful rant. I’ve heard drunk hobos say things more through-provoking. If Fantomex is trying to make a point, every self-respecting drunk should be ashamed of him because it basically amounts to nothing. And that’s just a waste of a good beer buzz.

Wolverine once again proves that he’s at his most productive when surrounded by alcohol. While Fantomex is off wasting perfectly good alcohol bemoaning his role at the Jean Grey Institute, as though a guy who shot a kid in the head should even have one, Wolverine is considering what Daredevil told him about living in fear and being vulnerable. That leads him to make a fateful decision. He asks Storm out on a date. No, that’s not code for a booty call. That’s not code for a romp in the shower where they skip the foreplay either. It’s a real, actual date that involves more than just getting drunk and humping. It may not sound crazy on the surface, but for Wolverine he might as well say he’s going to be a vegetarian for a day. Given the many unresolved aspects of his relationship with Storm, it’s way more productive than anything Fantomex has ever done.

In terms of impact, this comic left as many marks as a pillow fight with a toddler. It’s not completely forgettable, but it’s not all that memorable either. There were some solid elements presented in this story. The return of Melita Garner, the inclusion of Daredevil, and the aftermath from the Phoenix Corporation arc all had plenty of potential in their own right. In the end, not enough of it was realized. There were some nice moments, but they lacked significant depth. At times it felt rushed, like trying to juggle baseballs while having to take a shit. These elements could fit together better in future issues, but they’re just not concise enough. It’s one of those comics that actually has to be read sober and as a responsible drunk, I just can’t overlook that. I give Wolverine and the X-men #7 a 6 out of 10. For once, Wolverine’s ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to torture him. For once, Wolverine is going to be a gentleman and treat a beautiful woman to a date. I guess it’s nice to know he could cross this off his bucket list, but fuck if he didn’t cut it close. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #6

Anyone who has ever been in a bar fight knows that at some point, everybody forgets what they’re fighting about and who deserves to have their ass kicked the most. This usually happens after the first three punches or after someone runs out of blow, whichever comes first. That doesn’t keep the bar fight from being epic. It just makes it more chaotic. In Wolverine and the X-men, it’s not quite as chaotic, but it is somewhat unclear on who we should be rooting for. Wolverine and Storm are trying to protect Genesis, who may or may not be destined to become Apocalypse, and the Phoenix Corporation is trying to prepare Kid Omega to take him down, which may or may not be a bad thing because death by Phoenix Force is just as shitty as death by Apocalypse. Some of this uncertainty stems from throwing yet more time travel into the story, which at this point is like asking for more explosions in a Michael Bay movie. It has long passed the point of absurdity, but that hasn’t kept the story from being engaging and compelling. There promises to be more time travel to help clear up who we should be rooting for. Even though I feel like punching Marty McFly in the balls, I’ll suck it up and try to enjoy the prospect of an Apocalypse/Phoenix battle in Wolverine and the X-men #6. In the same way some drinks are worth the hangover, some stories are worth the frustration.

I take some comfort in the knowledge that Idie probably shares my frustration. She boldly followed Kid Omega into the future only to find out that his adult self is just as much an asshole as his teenage self. There are reasons most people find it frustrating to deal with teenagers, which gives them plenty of incentive to grow out of it. That didn’t happen with Kid Omega. And the reason it didn’t happen had nothing to do with him being an inherent douche-bag. It was because of fucking time travel. Doc Brown and Doctor Who are probably banging their heads against the wall now because when Kid Omega saw his future self in X-men: Battle of the Atom, he decided he wanted to change himself because wielding the power of the Phoenix Force just wasn’t enough for him. Sadly, he succeeded and in this case, success means he loses his shit and decides to go Dark Phoenix. If it makes no sense, even after a few bong hits, then don’t freak out and go running to the DEA. This is a teenage douche-bag trying to tweak with things he doesn’t understand. He might as well be an Amish toddler trying to wire a supercomputer. It’s bound to get fucked up, albeit in a confusing way.

Not surprisingly, things are much less confusing back in the present. Faithful John, who became the most likable guy to attack the Jean Grey Institute in years, was finally subdued in the previous issue when he made the stupid mistake of pissing off Storm too much. He managed to get his ass shocked by enough lightning to give Larry King an erection, leaving him more burned out than Lindsey Lohan after a weekend in Las Vegas. But he’s not dead and his mind is still going strong.

So he figures if he can’t snap Genesis’ neck, he might as well make him want to snap his own neck. That’s the power of telepathy. And since Genesis is now hiding in Fantomex’s miniature version of Abu Grab, he’s got plenty to work with. It promises to be a pretty epic battle and Genesis stands ready to fight, even throwing in some Richard Sherman style trash talk. Faithful John has gone to all this trouble to kill him. It would be a shame if he didn’t make an epic effort to get the job done. He’s like the antithesis of Congress.

Sadly, we don’t get to see that struggle. Instead, the story goes back to the future to give me even more reasons to punch Marty McFly in the balls. That story just involves Idie and Kid Omega confronting Kid Omega Phoenix, who has decided to finally take a cosmic shit on the Jean Grey Institute and even rough up a horribly aged Wolverine. Hell, this sounds like the kind of shit he would do without the aid of time travel, but he has to make it more inane by trying to justify why he’s being such a dick.

This involves a horribly underdeveloped explanation as to how Genesis eventually became Apocalypse. Apparently, treating him like shit when he’s a teenager gives him plenty of incentive to become apocalyptic. He became powerful, only Kid Omega could stop him, and he managed to contain him, but not before he turned Idie into a horsemen. It should have been a heroic triumph that turned Kid Omega from a typical teenage douche-bag with a shitty haircut into a hero. But that just wasn’t enough for him. Even as an adult and armed with the power of the Phoenix Force, he still finds a way to fuck it up.

This is where my frustration with time travel stories turns into a full-blown migraine. Apparently, what fucked up Kid Omega and his future was going back in the past and seeing his past self in X-men: Battle of the Atom. Now I admit I would be pretty disappointed in seeing my teenage self again, but Kid Omega takes it a step further and does it in a way that makes about as much sense as the first half-hour of Inception. His past self was pissed off by his future self and his future self was pissed off by his past self, which meant his future self had to fuck with the past and manipulate the Phoenix Corporation into revealing more about the future. And at this point, I just grab an empty bottle of whiskey and throw it across the room.

I get that Kid Omega is a dick who isn’t known for doing shit that makes sense, but it doesn’t help when the extent of his dick moves are unrefined. This might just be a product of being way too burned out on time travel stories, but I couldn’t make sense of where the dick moves of the past and future began or how they related to one another. I get the sense the whole point of this inane conversation was to just piss off the Phoenix Force so that we could get another Phoenix battle because apparently, the shitty outcome of Avengers vs. X-men wasn’t enough for some people.

So instead of Genesis battling Faithful John in the World, we get a lot of bitching and moaning between the past and future versions of Kid Omega. That’s like getting a light beer instead of Jack Daniels. That battle, as epic as it might have been, ends before it can even be shown in all its glory. Faithful John ends up being manipulated by Fantomex’s deception powers, leading him to wear himself out while Fantomex and Genesis watch on, trying not to laugh their asses off at him. It’s not a very satisfying battle, but it does make for a nice moment between Fantomex and Genesis about not becoming the monsters they’re destined to be. That’s easy to say when they’re not the ones jumping into the future to see the assholes they become, but I find it hard to hold that against them at this point.

I can’t really say the same for the big battle against Kid Omega Phoenix. Given how poorly the battle against the Phoenix turned out in Avengers vs. X-men, I had a hard time getting too excited about this. It’s the same bullshit as before. Everyone struggles to attack whoever is tripping balls on cosmic power. There are a few emotional moments in between, mostly with Idie and Kid Omega. And someone has to end up making a sacrifice to stop the Phoenix Force. Since Kid Omega is such a dick and does little to make anyone give a shit about him, seeing him prepare to sacrifice himself has no impact. Thankfully, the future avoids getting fucked up even more because adult Kid Omega stops him. But still, at this point it really is hard to give too many fucks.

Eventually, the Phoenix is defeated to the surprise of absolutely no one. And unlike Avengers vs. X-men, there’s no emotional weight to it. Idie just stabs future Kid Omega and that’s pretty much the end of it. Future Wolverine manages to get in a few stabs, but he might as well be an extra on an episode of Star Trek because he really doesn’t do jack shit. I guess when the Phoenix isn’t a pretty redhead, he just can’t get that involved. I want to say that seeing Kid Omega’s future self get his ass kicked is satisfying, but I’m still too damn confused to enjoy it. He had to have known on some levels that he was only going to fuck himself up even more by messing with the past. Surely, as an X-man, he has experienced enough time travel to understand that. But no, he just has to go about it in a way that’s so devoid of depth that the only thing worth focusing on is how shitty his hair looks in the future.

As a result of this vapid plot, the battle against Faithful John ends without much refinement. Thankfully, this breakout character who did so much to endear himself in a way few villains not played by Tom Hiddleston can survives the final battle. He is now a prisoner in The World, which means it’s only a matter of time before he busts out and kicks Fantomex’s ass. That time can’t come soon enough, but for now he’s in the capable hands of Doop. So in that sense, this struggle isn’t a total loss because it isn’t definitively over. Faithful John is still alive and he’s still got a hard-on for killing Genesis. That gives me hope that we’ll see him again and he’ll find new ways to be awesome.

Things finally get back on track in terms of the timeline. Everyone is back where they should be in the space-time continuum. Faithful John may have upset plenty of students, but they seem pretty eager to shrug it off and get back to fooling around in the Danger Room. It’s another case of lacking details, but that’s not to say the events of the story don’t have a major impact. As the Jean Grey Institute staff tries to make sense of this shit, failing miserably in the process, they find out that the Phoenix Corporation had a bit of a power shift. Eden Younge just wasn’t working out and was more forgettable than Ryan Leaf’s football career. So they end up hiring Kid Omega as their new CEO. That’s right. They put Kid Omega in charge of a billion-dollar company. What could possibly go wrong there? Fuck, now I’ve got another migraine, but at least this one doesn’t involve time travel.

Reading the end of this story acted as a reminder/kick in the balls as to why I’m so sick of time travel stories. As if the increasingly convoluted and plotholed Terminator movies hadn’t proved it enough, this story showed just how fucked up time travel stories can become. At the very least, this story helped expand on the future that was first revealed in X-men: Battle of the Atom. The question for me is, did it really need to? Sure, it helped provide insight into why Kid Omega became the Phoenix and how it fucked him up, but we already know from Avengers vs. X-men how the Phoenix Force fucks people up. The story surrounding Genesis, Fantomex, and Faithful John was much more relevant, but took a back seat for most of the story and that felt like a mistake. In the end, this was a time travel story that showed just how fucked up a time travel story can be in wake of events of a previous time travel story. At least Back to the Future had the good sense to include an awesome soundtrack. This issue did a good job of creating new characters and expanding on previous stories, but in the end it felt too damn confusing and incomplete. And for those who don’t read comics sober, that really takes away from the enjoyment. I give Wolverine and the X-men #6 a 6 out of 10. This isn’t a bad story with a bad premise. It just tries to do too damn much and doesn’t do so in a coherent way. It’s like a teenage boy trying to fuck like a porn star on his prom night. He’s only going to make a mess and feel mortified in the end. Nuff said!