Summer Camp Snoozer: X-men Gold Annual #2

The following is my review of X-men Gold Annual #2, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Every great character goes through phases that don't put them in a very positive light. Some even become downright infamous, marking a dark period in their overall arc. In certain cases, those moments are best left forgotten in the same tradition as the original Clone Saga, Wolverine's relationship with Squirrel Girl, and that time time Juggernaut hooked up with She-Hulk.

Unfortunately, the recent events surrounding Kitty Pryde cannot be easily brushed aside. The events surrounding her wedding to Colossus in X-men Gold #30 are just too heavy to overlook. To say that she comes out of that ordeal looking less than heroic is like saying Mole Man needs a shower. She does herself a huge disservice, being the one to propose to Colossus and the one to break it off. In terms of superhero credibility, Kitty is near the bottom with Magneto.

That's not to say her character is beyond repair. X-men Gold #30 certainly adds complications, but not to the point of irreparable harm on the level of Hank Pym beating his wife. Kitty Pryde still stands out as once of those characters who undergoes the most growth over the course of her time with the X-men. She joins the team as a scared, uncertain teenager who just got thrust into this world of mutants, killer robots, and living weapons. X-men Gold Annual #2 takes a step back form her current melodrama and explores this critical side of Kitty Pryde, recounting less heartbreaking parts of her journey.

Seanan McGuire and Marco Failla don't try to reinvent Kitty Pryde. They simply attempt to reinforce the kind of person she already is and they don't even rely on killer robots to achieve this. Instead, X-men Gold Annual #2 recounts a younger Kitty Pryde taking a break from the Xavier Institute to go to summer camp. It's not exactly a journey through the Savage Land, but it's fitting in that it allows Kitty to feel normal for a while.

That ends up being a pretty significant theme, the act of being normal when unavoidable circumstances say otherwise. Kitty Pryde knows and acknowledges that she isn't normal. She can pretend to be normal and for a good chunk of the story, that's what she does. For the most part, it makes her happy. It gives her a chance to reconnect with old friends, enjoy traditional summer activities, and not worry about Magneto attacking every other week. For a young Kitty Pryde who has yet to get trapped in a giant space bullet, this should be cathartic.

That's not how things play out, though. Kitty learns fairly quickly that there's no use being normal. She's just not the same person she was before she found out she was a mutant. It shows in subtle ways at first. Her friends can't keep up with her anymore, she feels more restless at night, and she's a bit more willing to break the rules, which feels kind of like Wolverine's influence on her. It makes for powerful moments of self-awareness that put Kitty ahead of the curve for most teenagers. However, when mutant issues enter the picture, both the personal insight and the overall story start to falter.

Things devolve quickly for Kitty once she decides to stop being normal and exercise her inner X-men. She finds out that these friends who she gets along so well with for half the story actually harbor anti-mutant sentiments. It further shatters the notion that she can just be normal for a while. Her reaction is somewhat predictable. Her sentiments aren't much different from most expect of a teenager girl who just learns a hard lesson about the real world. She doesn't come off as Kitty Pryde, a future leader of the X-men with a thing for guys named Peter. She's just another upset teenager.

That's understandable, given her age in this story. It still hinders the overall drama. There's an effort to build more by having her cross paths with another young mutant who has to overhear the anti-mutant diatribes. It makes for a few nice moments, including Kitty's first kiss, but there's nothing iconic about it. There's no Spider-Man kissing Mary Jane on top of the Empire State Building. It's just two people who bear the brunt end of mutant hatred and help each other.

It's sweet, but contrived way to salvage Kitty's summer. Not much comes from it, though. There's some basic bullying on the part of their fellow campers. There's no nuance or depth to it. At times, it comes off as being copied from any teen drama movie made after 1987. Kitty doesn't even do anything to confront it. She doesn't change hearts or minds. She doesn't do anything to change anyone else's notion of normal. Granted, she's still young and inexperienced at this point, but the lack of ambition she shows seems out of character for an aspiring X-men.

As a result, there's no real resolution in X-men Gold Annual #2. Kitty meets up with her friends and they just apologize to her for how they reacted. It happens randomly and without any real incentive. They feel bad about how they acted and that's it. There's no greater story behind it and that limits the overall impact. Kitty doesn't even get an opportunity to be heroic or show them the error of their ways. It just happens and everyone shrugs it off. That's as interesting as it gets in the end.

That's not to say X-men Gold Annual #2 doesn't have merit. It's still a refreshing reprieve for Kitty Pryde, exploring another part of her past at a time when her present is such a mess. It even has a relevant message about being normal in a world that isn't always kind to the abnormal. Kitty tries to just fit in and ignore the things that make her weird. That's something plenty of teenagers and adults can relate to. There's a story there, but it's incomplete and downright bland at times.

Kitty Pryde still has a lot of room to grow. She's one of those characters whose journey reflects the struggles of the X-men and mutants, as a whole. It's part of what makes her endearing and likable. X-men Gold Annual #2 does nothing to undercut that, but it does little to enhance it. In the past, she's still a young woman who's destined to become a member of the X-men. In the present, she's still the one who leaves Colossus at the altar. For her, growth isn't just inevitable. It's necessary.

Final Score: 4 out of 10

Misguided Matrimonial Bait-and-Switch: X-men Gold #30

The following is my review of X-men Gold #30, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

A superhero wedding is only as successful as the journey that leads to it. For some iconic romances, that fateful walk down the aisle is a matter of inevitability. Couples like Cyclops and Jean Grey, Reed Richards and Sue Storm, and Superman and Lois Lane reflect the ideals of star-crossed lovers. No matter what comes between them, be it death, retcons, or reboots, they always find a way back to one another. Their love may as well be as constant as the rising sun or Dr. Doom's ego.

For that reason, though, the wedding of Kitty Pryde and Colossus brings something unique to the trope of superhero nuptials. Theirs is a romance that didn't rely on destiny. They have to put effort into making their relationship work, by default. They overcome their share of obstacles without the luxury of being one of those comic book power couples. Those obstacles include death, being trapped in a giant space bullet, and multiple romantic entanglements. To say Kitty and Colossus have a lot of forces working against them is like saying the Hulk gets moody ever now and then.

Despite all those forces, Kitty and Colossus attempt to achieve the same romantic pinnacle as other iconic couples. Since X-men Gold began under Marc Guggenheim, the complications that frequently drive these two apart are steadily mended through an emotional, but compelling journey. In X-men Gold #30, they're finally set to complete that journey.

At least, that's how this big event is presented, both with the cover of the issue and the various issues that led up to it. The actual substance of this momentous affair is unexpected in its results and not necessarily in a good way. In fact, the events that play out are downright damaging. Even though a well-known X-men couple does get married, the moment ultimately comes off as empty and dispassionate.

That outcome is pretty jarring. Guggenheim borrows greatly from past weddings, going so far as to mention how close the ceremony is to the location of Cyclops and Jean Grey's wedding. Kitty and Colossus have everyone in the team supporting them. There aren't any ominous warnings about how their marriage will lead to a dystopian future. There aren't even any clones, Skrull agents, Legacy Virus outbreaks, or Sentinel attacks to disrupt the affair. There is nothing preventing this long-time couple from tying the knot.

It still doesn't happen, though. After all the love, support, and encouragement the X-men give the long-time lovers, Kitty gets cold feet and at the last possible second, no less. It's one thing for a bride to call the wedding off on the ride to the ceremony. Kitty actually waits until she's wearing her dress, down the aisle, in front of all her friends, and about to receive her wedding ring from Colossus.

Beyond turning a joyous occasion into a public spectacle of heartbreak, it paints Kitty Pryde as callous, indecisive, and emotionally inept. Considering that she's also the leader of the X-men, those kinds of deficiencies just don't make sense. Kitty's actions completely upend the over-arching story that has been unfolding between her and Colossus since the beginning of X-men Gold. It gives the impression that all the heartfelt moments they shared, all the drama that led up the proposal, and all the challenges they overcame to make it to this point carried little emotional weight.

It's one thing for a romance to go too fast and burn out. Kitty and Colossus aren't that kind of romance, though. They have a rich history together that leaves little ambiguity to the sincerity of their feelings for one another. They don't have the same excuses as most couples, superhero or otherwise. They didn't go too fast and their love never comes off as shallow. However, Kitty still finds an excuse to call it off and it's not a good one.

The reasons she gives Colossus are crass and impersonal. They are the kinds of musings that can easily be repeated by any bride that ever got cold feet and it would make just as much sense. Nothing about her decision for stopping the nuptials is specific to her and Colossus' relationship. Considering that she's the one who proposed to Colossus in the first place, it just makes Kitty out to be even more callous, if not downright dishonest.

It's not just a weak excuse to stop a wedding and irreparably undermine a long-standing relationship within the X-men mythos. It sends a message that every romance, even those involving superheroes, is too hard for anyone to make work and isn't worth trying. It's not enough to love someone. Even wanting to marry them to the point of planning a wedding isn't sufficient. There are just too many forces working against a couple seeking marriage and it just isn't worth risking, as though love and commitment are somehow more dangerous than an attack by Apocalypse.

If X-men Gold #30 had ended on that solemn note, it may still work because it reflects the precious rarity of iconic romances that make it to the altar. It's a depressing message, but one that carries enough weight to have an impact. However, given all the build-up and festivities surrounding this wedding, there's a sense that someone has to get married to salvage the moment. That's where Rogue and Gambit come in.

It's quite possibly the greatest bait-and-switch in the history of comics, turning the marriage of Kitty Pryde and Colossus into the marriage of Rogue and Gambit. While Rogue and Gambit are another one of those iconic X-men romances that overcome a great many obstacles, theirs is a romance that just began rebuilding itself in the pages of Kelly Thompson's Rogue and Gambit series. Instead of continuing that process, like Kitty and Colossus attempted in X-men Gold, they just skip right to the part where they get married.

While that may overjoy fans of the couple, this twist undermines that relationship almost as much. One couple can't go through with the wedding, despite all the planning and effort that went into it. Another, however, just randomly decides to do it on the spot, as though one couple is interchangeable with the other. It's like romances are TV dinners bought in bulk. If one doesn't turn out well, then another one is just as good.

There's no denying that superhero romances are wrought with melodrama and very few end in a successful marriage. That's exactly what makes them so noteworthy, though. X-men Gold #30 initially sends that message to some extent, but undercuts it by treating it as something any couple can do on a whim. It turns romance into a gimmick rather than a part of the ongoing story between characters and it's hard to have any emotional stakes in a gimmick.

Final Score: 3 out of 10

Musings on Mutant Matrimony: X-Men: The Wedding Special #1

The following is my review of X-men: The Wedding Special #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In real life, weddings are supposed to be a joyous, momentous occasion for couples, friends, and family. In superhero comics, weddings tend to have more mixed connotations. That's not just because deals with Mephisto have established that the world of superheroes is extremely unforgiving for couples who think their love can handle retcons, time travelers, and clone conspiracies. Most never even make it to the bachelor party. Only a handful ever establish themselves as a romance that even Mephisto can't corrupt.

Kitty Pryde and Colossus may not be on the same level as Reed and Sue Richards, but they're daring to make the effort. Considering the on-again/off-again nature of their relationship over the years, it carries more risk than most. That chaotic history includes moments where they've seen each other die and in relationships with other characters. It also includes instances where Kitty dates other men named Peter and even comes close to marrying one. That kind of history makes it difficult to elevate their love to the same level as other iconic superhero romances.

Despite all the inherent complications surrounding marriage in superhero comics, Kitty and Colossus enjoy a relationship that is one of the most sincere, genuine romances in comics. It doesn't try to be perfect. Their growth, as characters, isn't dependent on their relationship with one another. They're capable of holding their own as individuals. That makes them more prepared than most to take the matrimonial plunge.

X-men: The Wedding Special #1 acts as the last round of preparations before the big day. It's a giant-sized rehearsal of sorts, utilizing creative contributions from Marc Guggenheim, Kelly Thompson, and even the X-men's most famous scribe, Chris Claremont. There's no massive battle against an army of Sentinels. There's no surprise attack by the Shi'ar, the Skrulls, or the Purifiers. More than anything else, this issue makes the case that the marriage between Kitty Pryde and Colossus is worth rooting for.

Through three self-contained, character-focused stories, X-men: The Wedding Special #1 makes that case very well. It's a testament to the past, present, and future of Kitty Pryde and Colossus. One story shows where they came from. Another shows where they are in the present with their engagement. Another offers promise and hope for the future, albeit through strippers and karaoke. When presented together, it proves to be a potent combination.

The first story, written by the X-men legend Chris Claremont, acts as a slide-show of Kitty Pryde's journey to this monumental moment in her life. For those who haven't kept up with Kitty's eventful life, from training alongside Wolverine to getting trapped in a giant space bullet, this offers a comprehensive insight into who Kitty is. For those who know her story, it won't reveal anything too groundbreaking. There are no dark secrets or Skrull agents in this emotional recap.

However, it will add some extra personal insights that are worth adding, especially for a character who's about to get married. Kitty muses about how being a mutant has effected her life, from joining Excaliber to losing her father. These are all things that feel like something a young woman thinks about before her wedding. She doesn't approach it like some fairy tale princess, thinking everything is all rainbows and sunshine. She takes the good, the bad, and the hopeful all at once and she's stronger because of it. That's what makes her Kitty Pryde.

The second story, written by Marc Guggenheim, offers some insight into Colossus. It's not quite as comprehensive as Kitty's story in that it doesn't recall the journey he took to get to a point where he's about to marry the love of his life. It does provide more entertainment value, though, in the form of Colossus beating up a renegade demon who just got fired from a Las Vegas casino run by demons. It's as colorful and entertaining as it sounds, even if it is somewhat short.

It acts as a tie-in story, of sorts, to the ongoing events of X-men Gold. It also provides a closer look at the kind of person Colossus is and the kind of man Kitty will be marrying. He sets himself apart from his more free-spirited teammates, like Gambit and Nightcrawler. He establishes himself as the kind of guy who isn't into bachelor parties or the Las Vegas lifestyle. He's just a gentle, soft-hearted guy who can still beat up a demon when he has to.

Given how many men named Peter that Kitty Pryde has dated, it's worth making clear that Colossus is the right Peter for her. He isn't the kind of character who will impress a woman with his attitude, charisma, or style. He's a man of action. Whether he's fighting a demon or spending a night in Las Vegas with his fellow X-men, what he says and does lets everyone know the kind of person he is. Gambit may have more personality and Nightcrawler may have more charisma, but Colossus shows that he's the kind of man any woman would be proud to marry. Kitty Pryde just happens to be that lucky woman.

The last story, written by Kelly Thompson, follows Kitty on her bachelorette party. Unlike her future husband, hers doesn't involve Las Vegas or attacking demons. It does, however, involve a visit from an old friend/enemy from an iconic moment in X-men lore. It makes for a brief fight, but one that isn't meant to derail Kitty's night or her wedding. In a world where time travelers and clones are known to interfere in romances, that's almost seems strange.

Instead, the fight only acts as another reminder of sorts, one meant to inspire Kitty to make her marriage with Colossus work. It's something that's worth fighting for. It's something that's worth all the loss, heartache, and struggle they've endured. It also reminds her that loving someone means being vulnerable and not just to Mephisto. She can either recoil in fear or become stronger. Being one of the X-men and having Storm plan her bachelorette party, Kitty certainly comes out stronger.

In terms of a prelude, X-men: The Wedding Special #1 achieves something important for Kitty and Colossus. It may very well be the most important thing it can possibly achieve for a superhero wedding. It reaffirms why these two iconic characters are getting married and why they're worth rooting for. The love between them may not be as famous, but it's every bit as genuine.

It acts as a reflection of the emotional journey these characters have taken together. While there's some attempt at conflict, it's fairly minor and somewhat forgettable. There's an effort to tie these stories into other happenings in recent X-men comics, but those ties are fairly loose and not really critical to the overall story.  

X-men: The Wedding Special #1 still succeeds in the most important way for Kitty Pryde and Colossus. It gives emotional and dramatic weight to their upcoming wedding. In a world where every marriage is a few deaths, resurrections, and retcons away from destruction, that counts for a lot. These are two characters who are strong as individuals, but when they're together, they become something truly special. That bodes well for any marriage, superhero or otherwise.

Final Score: 9 out of 10

Personal Connections and Alien Invaders: X-men: Gold Annual #1

The following is my review of X-men: Gold Annual #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

The greatness of a character is often proportional to the amount of connections they make over the course of their history. No character ever becomes great just by hanging out with a handful of people and never really interacting with anyone else. Even The Three Stooges make an effort to connect with others in between slap-stick humor and casual violence. In the Marvel universe, connections are hard to keep up with, but some find ways to create their own elaborate web of friends, enemies, and frenemies over the course of their narrative.

While some, namely Wolverine and Spider-Man, end up sleeping with too large a portion of their connections, others manage to expand their web in a variety of ways. With respect to the X-men, few characters network better than Kitty Pryde. Even though she isn't among the original five X-men and had a lot of catching up to do after her debut during Chris Claremont's iconic run, she somehow finds a way to establish herself in every superhero social circle she's in.

Some of it comes from her natural charisma. Some of it comes from her tough, yet likable attitude. Having a pet dragon probably doesn't hurt either. Since taking on a leadership role in X-men: Gold, Kitty Pryde is often in a position to reconnect with old friends and forge new ones. It has already helped her rekindle things with Colossus, a relationship that is still a developing part of the narrative in X-men: Gold. It also gives her more opportunities to reach out to older connections, which she does in X-men: Gold Annual #1.

Marc Guggenheim and Leah Williams work together in an singular, extra-sized story that puts Kitty and her gold team back in touch with the likes of Captain Britain and the Braddock family. It's a connection that she hasn't explored in quite some time, but the story makes clear that the connection remains as strong as ever. Like old friends getting together after life gets in the way, the reunion feels real and genuine. The only difference with the X-men is that life getting in the way often takes the form of superhero civil wars.

The circumstances surrounding the reunion aren't elaborate or contrived. In fact, it adds to the overall realness of the reunion because it involves Brian and Meggan announcing that they've had a baby. Even though the circumstances with such major life events take on some twisted quirks, which is all too common with the X-men, it's still one of those unique moments that feels personal. It only becomes more fanciful when aliens attack.

While that may seem contrived in most other narratives, it's downright inane in an X-men comic. The only way to make it seem meaningful is to give an alien attack some context and that's what Guggenheim and Williams attempt to do in X-men: Gold Annual #1. The attack isn't entirely random, nor is it impersonal either. It actually involves the D'Bari, an alien race with strong, albeit antagonistic, personal connection with Rachel Grey and the entire Grey bloodline. Those familiar with the events of the original Phoenix Saga don't need much context as to why that animosity exists.

Even those unfamiliar with such classic moments in X-men lore won't be too lost because the story makes it a point to establish some emotional stakes, alongside the connections. The angry D'Bari involved, Starhammer, has a valid reason and an understandable motivation for dropping in on Rachel, the X-men, and the Braddock family. That motivation gives the conflict that unfolds some dramatic weight. It's not overly elaborate, but there are personal undertones, which is critical in making any generic alien attack more interesting.

While the connections and the context are there, the depth is somewhat lacking. There's actually more story built into Kitty Pryde, Rachel, and Nightcrawler catching up with Meggan and Brian than there is with the fight against Starhammer. This isn't necessarily a bad thing because those moments make for some of the most meaningful interactions in the story. They're cute, they're heartfelt, and they're even pretty funny at times, which is entirely appropriate when adults gush over a new baby.

However, those moments aren't necessarily balanced or complemented by the conflict that unfolds with Starhammer. If anything, it comes off as detached. It just interrupts Kitty, Rachel, and Nightcrawler's efforts to catch up with old friends and nothing more than that. Even with the personal connections there, the narrative does little to expand or enhance on them. It doesn't undermine them either, but that still results in a great deal of untapped potential.

Some of that lost potential is a byproduct of the pace. While there is plenty of time allotted to exploring the newly-expanded Braddock family, the battle against Starhammer comes off as rushed or condensed. It never gets a chance to be dramatic or epic. For conflict built around a very personal moment that spun out of a very iconic X-men story, it feels like a missed opportunity.

That doesn't stop the resolution from being fitting. Rushed or not, the way in which the X-men and the Braddock family resolve the conflict is very much in keeping with the traditions of both the X-men and Excalibur. The story doesn't try to reinvent or subvert these themes. It just doesn't provide enough depth to make the resolution more memorable.

Despite this, X-men: Gold Annual #1 never feels like an incomplete or empty story. True to the tradition of annuals, it offers a simple, self-contained narrative that leaves no loose ends or unanswered questions. It doesn't attempt to be bigger than it needs to be. It just offers a simple narrative built around strong personal connections. The fact that it somehow manages to squeeze in an alien attack is almost secondary.


Final Score: 6 out of 10

A (Badly Needed) Golden Touch: X-men Gold #1

The following is my review of X-men Gold #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Every era of X-men is defined by an eclectic mix of situational quirks, new uniforms, and re-shuffled lineups. Sometimes the Xavier Mansion, or whatever base of operations the X-men happen to be operating out of at the time, blows up along the way. In any case, these eras usually have definitive traits that set them apart. More than any other franchise, the X-men find unique ways to make certain eras distinct.

The '70s had the All-New, All-Different lineup with fresh faces, new threats, and Chris Claremont's knack for creating over-powered, reality-warping threats. The '80s had X-Factor and Uncanny X-men, the original five X-men and an emerging generation of X-men that would one day make Hugh Jackman a super star. The '90s had the Jim Lee-inspired costumes, two main X-men teams, and an uncanny tendency to make any and all issues in the Marvel universe a mutant issue by default.

These generations stand out in their own unique way, some more than others thanks to iconic art, iconic stories, or whatever non-so-iconic gimmicks slipped through the cracks. By these standards, it's hard to assess the current generation of X-men comics because a great many of those not-so-iconic gimmicks came to define the series. From sterilization plots to a glut of time travelers, it's hard to define this era as all that iconic.

This is why X-men Gold #1 is so vital to current and future generations of X-men. Marc Guggenheim and Adrian Syaf have a golden opportunity, if that's not too loaded a word, to redefine the X-men for a new era, hopefully one that relies less on sterilization, time travelers, and clones. That opportunity never feels wasted as the story that unfolds forges multiple paths into a new era.

The X-men enter this era with a more tarnished reputation than usual. It's not enough that they're mutants, a loaded word that generates the kind of reaction usually reserved for internet trolls and spam email. They're mutants who recently went to war with the Inhumans and didn't exactly conduct themselves in a respectable manner.

They can blame Cyclops, Emma Frost, and fake news all they want. It doesn't change the fact that the X-men come into X-men Gold #1 as those mutants who have gone to war with two separate superhero teams already and didn't exactly come out looking like polished adamantium. That's not a good foundation for peace and understanding. At this point, the public is more inclined to give Victor Von Doom a chance than the X-men.

Kitty Pryde, the X-men's new leader and arbiter of this new era, goes out of her way to acknowledge this in the X-men's battle against Terrax. She rightly points out that if another superhero team had fought this battle, they would be getting smiles, cheers, and positive hashtags. Unfortunately, they're mutants. They're still associated with starting wars, screwing with timelines, and one too many clones. In a city that already deals with Spider-Man's clones, the public is right to be someone muted.

It's the most important feature to the story in X-men Gold #1, as well as the overall theme of the X-men comics moving forward. For years now, they've given the public way too many reasons not to trust them the same way they do other superhero teams. Beyond warring with other superhero teams, mutants are a constant source of chaotic. Regardless of whether or not they put on costumes and try to be superheroes, their powers and their conflicts are like the weather. Sometimes it can be a simple gust of wind. Sometimes it can be a full-blown hurricane.

It's one of those understated, but inescapable aspects about the X-men that sets them apart from other superhero teams. No matter how much good they try to do, the X-men are still mutants and mutants are a chaotic force of nature. People fear that chaos for the same reason that they fear hurricanes.

Guggenheim doesn't hide from this distinction that keeps the X-men from being adored like the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, or whatever other superhero team doesn't have its movie rights tied up by another studio. By acknowledging it, the new host of challenges the X-men face feel genuine.

X-men Gold #1 throws multiple challenges at the X-men from the get-go. Some are of the personal kind. Some are of the kind that require Kitty Pryde to phase a collapsing building through another. The mix of personal issues and public spectacles is very much the gold standard, so to speak, of what gives the X-men their appeal. After so much of their stories have been mired by extinction and sterilization plots, it's a welcome reprieve.

While the themes are refreshing for any jaded X-men fan, the structure of the story is somewhat choppy. The narrative jumps around from moment to moment, rushing through various scenes without taking the time to tie them together in a cohesive way. This makes the story feel rushed. There are many moments, especially the personal moments for Kitty Pryde, that don't get as much depth as they need. It makes X-men Gold #1 feel like one of those comics that needs to be at least 10 pages longer to really work.

Despite the inconsistencies in the story's progression, it's still a satisfying story that offers overdue promise to cast of characters that badly needs it. There's no more fending off extinction, avoiding poison gas clouds, or getting mixed up with one too many cosmic forces. This is just the X-men fighting for peace and understanding in a world that has plenty of legitimate reasons not to give them another chance.

It's the same fight that Charles Xavier led the X-men into back in the days before civil rights was more than just a hashtag. Kitty Pryde and her revamped, revitalized team of X-men, one of which is her ex-boyfriend, carry on that fight in X-men Gold #1 after one too many interludes. It gives hope that the X-men are back to doing what they do best, provided nobody gets sterilized again.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Priming A New Future: X-men Prime #1

The following is my review of X-men Prime #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Victory in every conflict comes at a price, but sometimes the price is secondary to the situation. For the X-men, the situation tends to be convoluted in detail, but simple in substance. Either they achieve victory or they go extinct. There's very little gray area in between. Those are the stakes that play out in Inhumans vs. X-men. Those are the stakes that drive the X-men's overall narrative as a series.

Now, with the conclusion of Inhumans vs. X-men, the situation is ready to evolve. The X-men once again have a chance to do more than just fight for their right to exist, which has been at the heart of nearly every major conflict since House of M. It's a chance they can't afford to squander. Stories involving sterilization and extinction are rapidly losing their ability to generate dramatic weight. More than any other ongoing series, the X-men need a new conflict with new stakes.

That's exactly what X-men Prime #1 sets out to do. Under the pen of Marc Guggenheim, Greg Pak, and Cullen Bunn, and a couple other top-tier artists, the X-men's story finally moves forward from yet another extinction/sterilization plot. It is, effectively, a bridge from one era to another. It helps settle the dust of one conflict while preparing the X-men for another.

The conflict itself is still secondary compared to the situation. Compared to the X-men's situation after Secret Wars, it doesn't take much to improve their predicament. In essence, this is one situation where over-achievement is necessary to elicit the necessary impact. It's a challenge and not just because impacting the X-men usually requires killer robots. He is tasked with essentially molding a new situation for the X-men to navigate. What he ends up crafting is as polished as it is compelling.

There are no killer robots. There are no poison gas clouds, time-traveling assassins, or clone army. X-men Prime #1 isn't structured for those kinds of fireworks. It's very much an epilogue and a prelude for the X-men as a whole. It unfolds primarily through the eyes of Kitty Pryde, who was lucky enough to have avoided the whole sterilization/poison gas cloud/war with the Inhumans. In many respects, that makes her uniquely qualified to take in this new status quo.

Kitty, having spent much of her time guarding the galaxy with her ex-fiance and a talking raccoon, returns to the world of X-men that wants to change. From Storm to the time-displaced X-men, Guggenheim, Pak, and Bunn create this prevailing sentiment that the way they're doing things has to change. Their current way put them at war with the Inhumans and forced them to live in a demon-infested realm. With or without mutant powers, any system that puts anyone into close proximity with demons is definitely a system in need of revision.

This makes for some very personal moments between Kitty Pryde and several characters who have been deeply affected by recent events, some of which don't even involve demons. Most of those moments involve Storm, who presents herself as a relic of the old system, in a sense.

She accepts responsibility for the decisions that led to the X-men's war with the Inhumans. She makes clear and gives some fairly understandable reasons why she doesn't feel inclined to lead anymore. Again, the X-men ended up living in a demon-infested realm under her leadership. She realizes on some levels that there's room for improvement.

Not every moment is as personal, though. Kitty does get a chance to meet up with Colossus, which is understandably awkward, but promptly avoided. She also gets a chance to meet up with the time-displaced X-men, albeit indirectly. These moments aren't quite as dramatic, but they do serve a purpose in that they show how portions of the X-men are going in different directions. Kitty can only do so much to influence them, but she's in a position to do more for the X-men than most. At this point, any direction that doesn't involve close proximity to demons counts as an upgrade.

X-men Prime #1 doesn't just succeed in using these personal moments with Kitty to move the X-men forward. It succeeds in making it feel dramatic and sincere. Being able to do this without killer robots or sterilization plots counts as an accomplishment these days. Through Kitty Pryde, he's able to convey a sense of hope and determination, two of the most important elements in any era of X-men.

As good as these moments are, there are a few that don't feel quite as dramatic. Kitty's interaction with Colossus is relatively minor and doesn't get too personal. A side-plot involving Lady Deathstrike and Weapon X feels disconnected and unnecessary to the overall story. While the moment with the time-displaced X-men offers a nice twist, it doesn't have many specifics. Some elements are left a bit vague, but it never feels too convoluted. In a series with clones and time-displaced characters, that still counts for something.

In terms of setting the stage for a new era of X-men, X-men Prime #1 checks nearly every box. Guggenheim, Pak, and Bunn establish a direction for the team. He takes the X-men out of the demon-infested and into a more promising situation. Considering how grim and dire the X-men's condition has been since the conclusion of Secret Wars, it's downright refreshing.

Sure, there are bound to be more attacks by killer robots. Sure, it's very likely that more clones and time travelers will enter the mix and frustrate the X-men. Like Wolverine and beer, certain elements are inescapably linked. The challenge is making the narrative behind these links compelling. In that sense, X-men Prime #1 rises to the challenge. For now, there's hope for the world of the X-men and, provided nobody ends up sterilized, that hope holds a great deal of promise and potential.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Broken Worlds and Common Threads: Years of Future Past #5

The following is my review of Years of Future Past #5, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

If the success of Walking Dead has taught us anything, it’s that an apocalyptic future brings out the best and worst in people. In addition to making executives at AMC obscenely rich, it reveals a part of human nature that is often muted by the comforts of civilization such as fast food, cheap internet, and Candy Crush. Some people become heroic freedom fighters that get major roles in a Mad Max movie. Some people become deranged dictators fueled by fear, greed, and no fewer than three distinct personality disorders.

Being one of the most famous apocalyptic futures of the past 30 years that doesn’t involve zombies, Days of Future Past set a high bar for stories about human nature in the face of the apocalypse. This is a future that’s one part Terminator and one part The Stand. Mutants aren’t just stigmatized. They’re forced into internment camps and hunted by Sentinels that shoot first and leave due process to morticians. And in Years of Future Past, these same themes carry over. It’s a world where mutants are both interned and hunted. It’s also a world where Dr. Doom is a god so it’s sort of a double apocalypse.

But what makes Years of Future Past a compelling story isn’t the extent of the apocalyptic nature in this world. It’s how the remaining X-men confront it as a family. This is best reflected in Christina and Cameron, the children of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. They spent much of the series following the remnants of the X-men, fighting a conspiracy that would give the post-Apocalyptic government everything they need to use mutants as target practice. And while this struggle has been entertaining, leading to moments that involve giant dragons fighting giant robots, it’s the family drama that has given weight to the conflict.

In Years of Future Past #5, that drama reaches its climactic and tragic peak. The struggle has been built around preventing a plot by President Kelly to turn humans against mutants to such an extreme that anything other than Nazi-style death camps would be akin to French kissing Kim Jong Un. It’s a plot that has led Christy, Cameron, and the X-men through some pretty intense battles, but none are as intense as the one that takes place in this issue. And remarkably, it doesn’t involve a Sentinel or a giant dragon.

In a clear indication that living in an apocalyptic future can be hazardous to someone’s mental health, Cameron breaks under the strain. After spending most of his life with Wolverine, something else that is known to be hazardous to mental health, and fighting this never-ending battle against human hatred, he comes to one inescapable conclusion. Mutants deserve extinction.

While this sounds overly nihilistic, it’s uncomfortably reasonable from the perspective of someone who has spent his life as a moving target for Sentinels. He sees the conflict that mutants like him create and this conflict has left the world in ruin. This isn’t the kind of ruin that politicians warn about when someone accepts same-sex marriage either. This is a full-blown collapse of civilization caused by mutants who couldn’t get along with humans.

It’s a tragic yet powerful turn for a character who, up until this point, had been aiding the X-men in stopping President Kelly’s plot. It’s no longer just a generic oppressed minority vs. tyrannical government type struggle. Instead, it becomes a struggle within a family in addition to a struggle against a tyrannical government. It’s basically Red Dawn meets the Goonies.

Cameron’s betrayal and his fight against Christy and the X-men create the emotional weight that makes this story work. There are still elements more befitting of a traditional apocalyptic struggle. The X-men still battle Sentinels and they still try to stop President Kelly’s plot. This battle is somewhat rushed. It’s not a spectacle on or near the level of Red Dawn, but it gets the job done. It could’ve just ripped off the last three Transformers movies and made it a fight against giant robots, but even with Megan Fox involved, it wouldn’t have gotten the message across.

That message in Years of Future Past is perfectly in line with the themes of the original Days of Future Past. This isn’t a Lord of the Rings movie. This isn’t the kind of conflict where they just take down some big, evil creature and all is right with the world. Saving President Kelly didn’t immediately make everyone hug the nearest mutant. It didn’t make the ruins of civilization any less an eye-sore. It just helped the X-men and mutant kind survive. In an era where Hugh Jackman is hanging up his claws and movie rights are a huge source of conflict, that’s the best they could hope for.

The culmination of the struggle and the drama in Years of Future Past #5 makes it feel like a complete story worthy of being tied to its predecessor. There are still elements in the narrative that are lacking. The resolution of the story, while tragic, doesn’t feel entirely complete. There are some loose ends, but not to an extent that would hinder the story. It still has the impact that a story about a dystopian future should have, especially in the absence of a time machine.

More than anything else, Years of Future Past tried to incorporate a distinct sense of heart into the narrative. While there’s only so much possible in a story featuring dystopian futures and internment camps, the heart conveyed through Colossus, Kitty Pryde, Christy, Cameron, and even Wolverine help make it endearing. Not every story about a dystopian future should have the undertone of a Linkin Park music video. It can have heart along with killer robots and giant dragons. When put together, it can be a potent combination.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #5

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Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #4

Family drama has been the driving force of no less than 80 percent of successful sitcoms. From Father Knows Best to Modern Family, we just can’t get enough of family dramas. It helped Ed O’Neil star in not one, but two successful TV series. And it actually made Rosanne Barr funny for most of the 90s. But beyond shitty sitcoms, family dramas help add heart to otherwise shitty situations. And there aren’t many situations that are shittier than the world of Days of Future Past.

Let’s review the list. Mutant internment camps? Check. A horribly racist government that only the Aryan Brotherhood would approve of? Check. Killer robots hunting down a battered minority? Check. Bryan Singer making a shitty movie out of it? Double check. That’s the world that Dr. Doom recreated when he forged Battleworld during the events of Secret Wars. But the domain of Years of Future Past has set itself apart by focusing less on overly racist politics and more on the family dynamic of Kitty Pryde and Colossus. I guess even Marvel understands that people are burned out on racist politics at this point so I’m perfectly okay with this.

While these dynamics haven’t always been well-organized, they have helped make Years of Future Past one of the better Secret Wars tie-ins. It’s a series where the struggle against a Nazi-style government is secondary to the family struggles of the mutants trying to end it. Now, with the Rasputin family united in their efforts to overthrow their mutant hating government, they create a team of X-men that’s easy to root for. They’re like the Mighty Ducks meets Schindler’s List. It sounds pretty fucked up on paper, but it works, even with the use of giant dragons. Years of Future Past #4 continues that struggle, but after said giant dragon has failed. And if a racist government can’t be overthrown by dragons, then how can they be beat?

The racists in this world are way more cunning than just wearing goofy robes and making shitty websites. The assholes working under President Kelly’s racist hard-on have been trying to get video footage that they can doctor enough to make mutants scary as shit. They think they have just that after the shit storm the X-men kicked up in Centrum, which the last mutant haven. The fact that it was in a fucking sewer should tell you something. It’s still going to need some heavy Photoshopping, but I don’t doubt for a second that these assholes can make it look like a conspiracy. Just ask Planned Parenthood how effective that shit can be.

These racist assholes get away, but the rest of the X-men still get a nice reunion out of it. Wolverine and the others reunite with Storm, which is always good for a few feels. They even get Mystique to help out. In a world full of anti-mutant racists, she doesn’t have the luxury of being an asshole to the X-men nearly as much. On top of that, the X-men do have some semblance of a plan that involves more than just not getting killed by Sentinels.

A big part of that plan involved sending Christina and Cameron Pryde to the last mutant internment camp in hopes of rallying more support to fight President Kelly’s racist douche-baggery. It’s a perfectly reasonable tactic. The only problem is that she finds out that even racist assholes can turn their enemies against one another. That includes the old Brotherhood of Mutants, who somehow decided that working with the assholes who hate them is better than fighting an enemy with killer robots. Yes, it makes them traitors, but who can blame them for not wanting to fight enemies with killer robots?

For those who aren’t as inclined to sell out their own species, they rally around Christy and Cameron. They fight the racist soldiers and the Brotherhood who were dumb enough to help them. It’s not as epic as a giant dragon fighting a Sentinel, but it’s still pretty damn visceral. It’s more personal, complete with Kate Pryde coming in and lending a hand. Sure, it leads to Avalanche getting maimed like sexy cheerleaders in a slasher movie, but it nicely demonstrates a mother’s dedication to her daughter. It also shows that making deals with racist assholes tends not to end badly. It’s still satisfying as fuck, but it sucks to be the Brotherhood.

Despite the maiming and inspiration offered by the Pryde family, the mutants in this interment camp are still obscenely overmatched. They’re prisoners. They’re not John McClane. They can’t shoot down helicopters with cop cars. So after roughing up some of the guards, Destiny calls in some backup and now the mutants are staring down an army of racist soldiers who I doubt have any problems using mutants as target practice. And since all these mutants have power-suppressing collars on, it’s not like one of them has the ability to turn bullets into horse piss.

However, as much fun as seeing bullets turn into horse piss might be, it’s an ability they don’t need. The rest of the X-men show up just in time and they bring something that makes every racist redneck’s dick shrivel. Remember that Sentinel that had been the centerpiece at Centrum? Well, Magneto and the rest of the X-men decided it was a shitty centerpiece to begin with. Now, it’s racist-crushing killer robot that saves mutant prisoners. No matter how racist these guys might be, they’re not racist enough to fight through a killer robot piloted by Magneto. They run while the mutants escape, probably shitting themselves in the process. It’s a very satisfying moment, although I still think bullets turning to horse piss would’ve been just as satisfying.

The fight is over quickly, as it should be in this case. The guards leave, Nightcrawler leads the mutant prisoners to sanctuary, and the rest of the X-men meet up with Christina and Cameron. There’s a nice moment where they show their share of restlessness, having lost some mutants in the battle. But they’re not just channeling their inner Spartacus here. They still have a plan. They still need to stop the assassination attempt on President Kelly that his people are working so hard to pin on mutants. And that might not be a problem that giant dragons or killer robots can solve.

It’s a pretty basic concept and one that fits perfectly within the context of Days of Futures Past. If the rest of the story were spent having the X-men fight to save President Kelly and rub it in his face after, I don’t think anybody would be that disappointed, especially if they saw the shitty movie based on the story. However, that’s not the path this story takes. Instead, it throws a really fucked up twist into the mix that makes the concept of Days of Futures Past even more awesome. I know that sounds like I took one too many bong hits, but I swear it’s true.

It comes in the form of a very unpleasant revelation that Cameron uncovers when he takes a closer look at this Sentinel that the X-men hijacked. He finds out that Magneto tweaked the X-men’s plans, as he’s often inclined to do. Instead of just saving President Kelly from assassination, he’s set it up so that Christina dies saving him. And keep in mind, this is a girl who calls him her uncle and who he’s helped raise. Yet he’s willing to let her die so she can be a martyr for mutant-kind. While I do understand his strategy, it is still a dick move on a level that only Magneto can achieve. It shouldn’t surprise anybody that, even in an alternate universe, Magneto finds a way to be an asshole.

Naturally, Kate Pryde and the rest of the X-men aren’t a fan of this plan. Their first instinct is to martyr Magneto where he stands. But being Magneto, he neither goes down quietly nor does he apologize. In the process, there’s a very intense exchange with Christina. He still claims that he loves her as much as the rest of the X-men. However, it’s because she’s so loved and so pure of heart that she has to die. She’s the only one who is a worthy martyr. That’s like telling a pig it’s the only one worthy of becoming bacon. Sincere or not, Magneto still comes off as an omega level dick.

Christina is forced to run while Wolverine and Kate get left behind. Since Magneto is still the one with the killer robot on his side, she’s grossly overmatched. It could’ve been a quick and nasty fight, but just like before she gets a last-minute save. This time, it comes from the guy she just found out was her brother. Having been raised mostly by Wolverine, he’s more than willing to end Magneto where he stands. And since he doesn’t have adamantium bones, Magneto can’t do shit about it.

While Cameron taking down Magneto is pretty satisfying after the shit he just pulled, it ends up making for a very awkward reunion. Even though he tried to kill her, Magneto was still her uncle. So when Cameron channels his inner Wolverine, she’s not happy about it. This isn’t a matter of an annoying older brother hiding his sister’s tampons. This is him killing her uncle. It creates an intense, powerful moment that adds even more dramatic weight to this clash.

That dramatic weight gets even heavier when the conflict takes another twist. Usually when a comic takes this many twists, it’s trying way too fucking hard to rip off the Usual Suspects. It tends to get messy, chaotic, and confusing to a point where it’s hard to read sober. But that doesn’t happen here. Instead, Cameron does something that puts him at odds with way more than his sister.

As Christy is hulking out on him, he starts questioning whether the mutant race is worth saving. Now on the surface, this sounds like the kind of fatalistic shit that only Kurt Cobain would understand. However, he actually makes a valid point and he does it without the aid of heroin. He says that mutant conflicts have triggered wars and conflicts that have basically obliterated all the progress that civilization has made. And by fighting these conflicts, they’re screwing themselves and humans out of a future. The fucked up part is he’s not entirely wrong and even a sober mind would agree on some level. He thinks this dystopian world that mutants live in isn’t a struggle. It’s natural selection and they should stop fighting it.

Naturally, Christy disagrees and not in the immature brat way that most teenage girls disagree in. She starts lashing out at Cameron as though he replaced her shampoo with bull semen. She makes it clear that she doesn’t agree with his dour assumptions about human/mutant conflict. His solution? He’s going to be the one that kills President Kelly. I’ll give everyone a moment to catch their breath after that. I don’t think I need any more jokes or bong hits to describe the impact of this moment. I’ll just save myself the extra line of blow and let the moment speak for itself.

Even with the aid of my best weed, I can’t overstate the dramatic impact of this story. This series has taken a step beyond just pitting giant dragons against killer robots. It actually dared to do more than any Transformer movie ever dared. It threw in the kind of dramatic twist that’ll break hearts, bust balls, and blow minds. That’s the trifecta of awesome if ever there was one. I almost had to sober up to process it fully, but thankfully it wasn’t necessary. I can say while still high off my tits that this story has entered a new level of awesome.

This isn’t just a typical sibling clash like the one we’ve seen in every Married With Children rerun ever. Both siblings have endured very different experiences. Now, after being betrayed by someone they trusted, they don’t share the same vision for the future anymore. One thinks they’re doing more harm than good. One is willing to take a chance, even if it means confronting asshole racists. It heats up the emotions to levels that would cause a typical hot pocket to catch fire. This after another killer robot attack is just bacon-flavored icing on the cake.

Years of Future Past is doing way more than explore yet another dystopian future that would make George Orwell proud. There’s heart, drama, and betrayal thrown into the mix to help make it exceedingly awesome. I give Years of Future Past #4 a 9 out of 10. It’s inevitable. Siblings are going to one to kill each other at some point. But in an apocalyptic future on a world where Dr. Doom is god, it can lead to a lot more than awkward holidays. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #3

We live in an era where people love to bitch and moan about a story being done and redone to the point of absurdity. There’s now an entire population of douche-bag hipster types who make it their sole mission in life to whine about how there are no original ideas anymore. And for some reason, they have to do it in coffee shops where they insist on taking forever just to decide they want a fucking latte. I admit there are times when remakes and reboots annoy the shit out of me, but I don’t reject the concept outright. It doesn’t matter to me whether something is a remake or a reboot of a story that has been told since the days of Plato making poop jokes. All I care about is whether or not it’s awesome.

An apocalyptic future with killer robots is about as original as a talking cartoon dog. But like bacon and whiskey, there are so many ways to make it awesome. Days of Future Past is right up there with the original Terminator movie as the story that got this concept right. Years of Future Past could’ve taken a piss all over it, but instead it just added more bacon bits to the mix. Within the context of Secret Wars, it’s created an engaging and refined narrative that we hoped to see in the Matrix sequels, but never got. How could it be even more engaging? How about adding a giant fucking dragon to the mix? No, I’m not talking about Game of Thrones. I’m talking about Years of Future Past #3. It has less tits and amputations, but it still has a big fucking dragon in it.

That big fucking dragon has a name too, Lockheed. And up to this point, he’s been the bouncer for Centrum, the last mutant refuge. Well now he has to be less a bouncer and more a John McClane style enforcer. Kate does reveal that he got fucked up by Sentinels before so he has even more motivation to return the favor. That motivation definitely shows in the first wave of attacks. The Doom Sentinels might as well be flying chocolate bars. They’re glorified snacks, minus the processed sugar. It makes for a pretty brutal battle and one that Storm makes flashier when she enters the picture. This keeps the Doom Sentinels occupied while Centrum is evacuated. It’s good strategy. A giant fucking dragon is as good a cover as anyone can get without making a couple of grizzly bears hump in the middle of the road.

It’s a pretty brutal battle, but one that goes to shit way too quickly. One of the Doom Sentinels gets a cheap shot on Lockheed and the battle ends in a decidedly unsatisfying way. It would be like Rocky Balboa getting knocked out in the first round by Apollo Creed. For a big fucking dragon, that’s pretty disappointing. But in Lockheed’s defeat, we get a big fucking revelation that has way more impact than a big fucking dragon, albeit not nearly as awesome.

When shit starts crashing down, Cameron gets caught in the chaos. Kate Pryde saves him, as any X-men is inclined to do, but she reveals something major in the process. Cameron is her son. I’ll give everyone a moment to sober up and check their brains to make sure they haven’t had an aneurism. Take as many cold showers as you want. It’s still true. Cameron is Kate Pryde’s son. Now don’t start making some overly pornographic assumptions that Kate bumped uglies with Wolverine, who Cameron has been Cameron’s de-facto father at this point. It’s made clear that he’s still Colossus’ kid. That keeps Wolverine from becoming excessively creepy, but it still makes for the least satisfying twist since the Seinfeld finale.

It’s not just that there were some hints that Christy and Cameron might have the urge to make another Joffrey Baratheon. It’s the implication that Kate and Colossus basically ditched one of their kids and left him with Wolverine of all people. Seriously, this is a guy who has murdering his own son on his resume and a guy who tends to attract the Sabretooths of the world. It would be one thing if they were just shitty parents, but they kept Christy. So this twist feels less like a twist and more like several shots of tequila with a WTF chaser.

It gets understandably awkward real fucking fast. It also gets chaotic, but not in a very understandable way. We see no more dragons fighting killer robots. Instead, we see the team just separating Scooby Doo style because I guess these people never saw a standard slasher movie. And for some reason, Kate Pryde opts to have Cameron and Christy as part of her group. That’s like Bruce Willis going on a scavenger hunt with Ashton Kutcher. Not only that, it derails the whole dragon-fighting-robot plot that had so much appeal.

They eventually make it to a church since I guess they never saw other horror movies like the Exorcist either. Inside, they meet up with Nightcrawler, which is a nice touch. He’s the kind of guy who can temper the effects of bad WTF. And since this is a world where Doom is a god, his role as a priest is that much more interesting. Hell, if Doom was a god, the bible would be a much more interesting book. It has all sorts of interesting implications. But like a dragon fighting a robot, we are denied once more.

Instead, we get a respectable effort by Kate Pryde to explain why she never told Cameron and Chrissy they were siblings, risking Game of Thrones style incest in the process. It’s not wholly unreasonable. Cameron was born before she and most other mutants got sent to internment camps. When Kate and Colossus got captured, Wolverine escaped with an infant Cameron. Shortly after, Kate and Colossus found time to make another child, but just before President Kelly implemented his no-mutant-baby-making policies. So she was stuck in an internment camp while he was on the outside, roughing it with Wolverine.

In terms of bullshit explanations, this is better than most. But it still fails to satisfy anyone with even a moderate WTF tolerance. Kate and Colossus still ditched their son and even after they found him again, they kept a pretty big secret from him and from Chrissy. There’s just no way this doesn’t come off as a real dick move on some levels. I know parents have to make tough decisions and be assholes at times, but there are too many excuses and not enough reasons here. And honestly, did they really think that Cameron wouldn’t be in as much trouble if he grew up around Wolverine? Hell, they’re lucky he isn’t smoking a pack a day yet.

Cameron is still a bit more understanding than Chrissy. He ends up making excuses for her, but some of that stems from him picking up on Wolverine’s don’t-give-too-many-fucks-unless-it’s-a-beer attitude. But even he calls bullshit on some of Kate Pryde’s reasons and she seems to know on some levels she fucked up. That’s more than a lot of parents do. Just ask the Duggars.

Another awkward moment follows, this time between Chrissy and Cameron. It’s way more awkward than any conversation Luke and Leia ever had in Star Wars. The fact that there’s a funny Star Wars reference doesn’t help, but doesn’t hurt either. They gloss over the hormonal shit and have this jumbled, incoherent conversation about how adult make fucked up decisions and how anyone trying to make sense of the world is doomed to have a seizure. They still have a nice, non-incest hug in the end and it is somewhat sweet that they can get over this awkwardness. But nothing they say feels like they actually dealt with the issues here. I’d much rather be seeing dragons fighting killer robots, but that’s just me.

The awkwardness ends officially once Nightcrawler shows up with Kate. They’re then transported to the top of the church where they can overlook another mutant internment camp. They finally bring up the whole mutant reform package that President Kelly has been pitching, which has been horribly glossed over after being so central in the first few issues. Guess a giant dragon fighting a robot isn’t the only thing that got derailed.

There’s some talk about these mutant reforms and some Soviet style propaganda that’s urging mutants to embrace segregation. Nightcrawler says he’s tried to save these mutants from this sort of Fox News style crap, but he hasn’t been able to. They have big fucking guns. He can teleport and win Halloween contests. It’s not a fair fight.

There’s a brief and boring debate on the merits of freeing these prisoners with the limited manpower at their disposal. Cameron rightly points out that these people are probably not in a good state to battle an oppressive government with the backing of Doom. Chrissy doesn’t seem to really give it more than half a thought. To her, they’re in internment camps. They need to be set free in a world where dragons and Doom Sentinels prowl an apocalyptic landscape. I guess she’s never seen the Walking Dead. It could’ve made for a tense, meaningful discussion. It just ends up being some fairly meaningless whining before Chrissy says “fuck it!” and launches her attack.

The battle that follows isn’t nearly as epic as Lockheed fighting Doom Sentinels. How could it be? How can anyone compete with a dragon? It doesn’t make much of an effort either. They appear, start fighting guards, and storm through the gate. There’s nothing that visceral or satisfying about it. It’s about as spectacular as watching James Bond shoot a few random henchmen. The difference is that these henchmen are prepared. They have gear that would probably keep James Bond from banging whatever bimbo he’s trying to bang. Nightcrawler quickly does his best General Akbar impression and warns that it’s a trap. And without the aid of a giant dragon, they’re pretty fucked.

But it’s not quite as simple as it sounds. They don’t just find themselves playing the part of Rodney King in a bad neighborhood. Once they make it into the camp, they find something surprising. Some of the mutants in the camp are actually working with the guards and they don’t seem to be in a rush to break out. It’s another twist, but one that’s not wrought with as much WTF. There are even a few familiar faces in the crowd as well, like Destiny and Pyro. There even seem to be a few humans in the crowd. It’s a strange development that feels like both a trap and a mind-fuck. But after finding out about Kate and Colossus’ questionable parenting skills, it’s not nearly as strange as fucked up as it could be.

So as much as I enjoyed watching a giant fucking dragon fight killer robots, the excess amount of WTF made this issue feel exceedingly sobering. It’s like dropping some bird shit into a bowl of chocolate fudge. It tries to do the same shit Star Wars did in Return of the Jedi, but it fails while having way too many unpleasant implications. It’s not just that Cameron and Christy might have wanted to dip their toes in the incest pool. It’s that at one point, someone thought it would be a good idea to give one of their kids to Wolverine to raise in a post-Apocalyptic future. Because that’s what responsible and loving parents do, keep siblings apart and trust a hard-drinking loner with anger-management issues to raise a child. There’s only so much WTF I can take when I’m low on weed and I think this came way too close to exceeding it.

All the WTF factors aside, the story did move forward and there was still plenty of drama to go around. While some creepy shit was glossed over, other aspects weren’t. Throwing Nightcrawler into the mix helped and seeing a few more familiar faces at the end kept things interesting. There’s still a battle plan to oppose these Bernie Sanders type reforms that President Kelly is proposing. Parts of that plan are still vague, but the overall struggle is still ongoing. Now it’s gained another complication that has nothing to do with incest. It’s just not nearly as awesome as a robot-fighting dragon. I give Years of Future Past #3 a 5 out of 10. I’m sorry, but a robot fighting dragon can only do so much. Not a lot of stories outside of Star Wars can get away with teasing incest and this just isn’t one of them. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #2

Hope for the future is the one of the few things that keeps us from whipping out a can of lighter fluid and torching everything around us to the sound of Taylor Swift’s latest single. Some people have more hope than others. A teenager in downtown Detroit is going to have a very different outlook compared to a teenager in South Beach, Miami. A teenager who grew up in a fucking internment camp surrounded by killer robots is going to have even less hope, although not much less than the kid in Detroit. At least internment camps don’t have to deal with shitty music and shittier cars.

The setup for Years of Future Past was always pretty bleak, but it somehow found a way to be full of hope when it established itself in Battleworld. While it may pain fans of Starlord/Kitty Pryde to see her, Colossus, and their daughter, Christy, carry on hope in this bleak setting, it’s hard not to smile at their spirit. They don’t just have hope going for them. They’ve got an actual plan to give a massive middle finger to President Kelly and his Nazi-friendly policies towards mutants. Maybe in a world where Dr. Doom wasn’t a god, I might be more optimistic. But that’s not what they’re dealing with in Years of Future Past #2. They can piss off President Kelly and all his racist buddies all they want. They’re still in a world where Dr. Doom is a god and that’s going to severely limit hope in any capacity.

It’s still a world worth exploring and what makes it more compelling is that most of the exploration is done through the eyes of a couple of teenagers who grew up in this shit. The first issue went to great lengths establishing Christina Pryde, the daughter of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. She did more than enough to make herself the lovable rebel who seeks freedom. She’s basically a much more kid-friendly version of Mad Max. Then there’s Cameron, Wolverine’s son. And no, he doesn’t drown this one.

Cameron and Christy are in the same boat here. They both grew up in this shitty future and at the very beginning, we get a few nice flashbacks and inner monologues that show the differences in their experiences. Essentially, it shows Kitty and Colossus were more nurturing parents than Wolverine, but a kid raised by Wolverine is still a kid you want on your side during a bar fight. Yet despite growing up in such a shitty future where people are dumb enough to elect a racist, mutant-bashing bigot in Robert Kelly, there’s still plenty of heart in both characters. They feel genuine and human, not the kind of jaded emo goth types who listen to Linken Park songs all day. And in addition, these flashbacks help establish that these two have met and their hormones have noticed. Even the threat of killer robots can’t stop teenage hormones.

That’s not to say that the story becomes an apocalyptic version of the Breakfast Club. These flashbacks don’t go on any longer than they need to. They just establish the dramatic context for Christy and Cameron. Then they go straight to dealing with the killer Doom-style Sentinels that just attacked them. It’s actually a much smoother transition than it sounds and it still offers some solid action.

But the action doesn’t last and for good reason. Christy, Cameron, and the rest of the X-men decide that this isn’t a battle they can win. A killer robot made by the government? Sure, they’ll fight that. A robot made by Dr. Doom? Fuck no. They’re hopeful, but not that hopeful. So they slip into the sewers to escape while the Doom Sentinel fights other mutants who have way more hope than they should.

This leads to a tense conversation with Cameron. During the battle in the previous issue, he showed off his mutant power and used it to kill Blob. Now to be fair, Blob was in a murderous rampage. However, that excuse only goes so far when he’s part of a species that’s going extinct. Even the people who spit on animal rights activists understand that. Christy is among those who isn’t too thrilled. Mystique is among those who want to rip his balls off. But Christy does act as a peacemaker of sorts, reminding them that bitching and moaning is an easy way to attract more Sentinels. It shows that she has charisma on top of being adorable. She’s like the anti-Honey Boo Boo.

While the others navigate the sewers, the battle on the surface is still unfolding. Rachel Grey remains in the center of the shit storm. She’s also not dumb enough to think she can take down a Sentinel molded after Doom. I think her mother probably told her outright that death is something that’s worth avoiding. They can’t give the Hank McCoys of the world more excuses to fuck with the timeline.

So she does something that most people don’t do in battles involving killer robots. She tries to find the power source for these Sentinels and pull the plug. It seems much easier than putting a target on her ass and waving it out in the open. It might be sexier, but it isn’t smart. Rachel eventually finds the power source, albeit in a way that’s not very well detailed. That doesn’t end up mattering though because that power source happens to be Storm. Yes, someone in President Kelly’s inner circle thought it was a good idea to use her as a battery and piss her off in the process. I hope whatever genius came up with that idea got turned into target practice for the Secret Service.

Rachel makes sure Storm has a chance to give the finger to President Kelly’s energy policies. She and Rachel team up in a beautifully destructive attack on his forces. It’s a beautiful moment, albeit one that ends a bit too quickly. But it effectively brings Storm into the mix so it’s definitely worth it. I can already feel President Kelly’s asshole clenching.

Back in the sewers, we get more dramatic moments between Cameron and Christy. They settle down and talk about this fucked up situation in ways that’s way too mature for a couple of teenagers. There’s still some uneasiness over Cameron’s attitudes towards killing. But given the body count his father has racked up, nobody has a right to give him that much shit. That uneasiness eventually fades because the main point of the argument is that they’re among a dying race. And they’re lucky enough to be in the generation that’s expected to do something about this shit storm. They sort of have to hold themselves to a higher standard. Just ask the children of hippies how important those standards are. It is a meaningful conversation, but it does fall a bit flat. I’d still rather watch Storm and Rachel blow up more Sentinels.

They eventually arrive at their destination, which is called Centrum. It’s basically an underground kingdom that looks like a level from Skyrim. It’s not quite like the Morlocks in that there’s less piss puddles on the floor. It actually looks quite pleasant, like it could be some sort of theme hotel in New Zealand. It even has a familiar face in Angel, which is a nice touch. In terms of places to lay low, this is a pretty sweet deal. It beats the hell out of a shitty motel with no hot water and semen-stained bed sheets.

There’s still some cause for concern, namely from the head of a deactivated Sentinel. But Angel assures them that they’ve made sure it can’t call for backup. They just use it to feed data to Rachel and others on the surface. So there’s no possible way this can’t come back to bite them in the ass, right? Like New Coke or Vietnam, it can only make things better, right? It’s probably a good idea to keep a clean pair of shorts handy.

There are some more nice personal moments between Christy and Cameron. They have a chat, do some shopping, and talk about things that don’t involve killer robots. It’s a nice moment where they just get to be teenagers. At first, it’s a solid change of pace from running from killer robots, maintaining an element of humanity that’s so important to a Days of Future Past world. Then it starts to drag.

At some point, Colossus steps in and gives this long, drawn out speech that sort of details the mindset that got mutants into this shitty future. He basically talks about how people just had these crazy ideas that started off as jokes, like preventing parents who had mutant genes from breeding. Then some crazy asshole came along and took it seriously. It’s basically a long rant against jokes to justify every act of excessive political correctness ever. It boils down to don’t even make a joke. Some asshole might try it.

Now Colossus may come off as sincere and he does have a point to make, but it’s so drawn out that it might as well be a lecture by Ben Stein. It also sends a pretty shitty message. Jokes can create apocalyptic futures. I’m pretty sure the world didn’t go to shit because Greg Giraldo, George Carlin, and Richard Pryor told too many dick jokes.

After this long-winded speech, they finally get back to more relevant topics. Namely, that battle that unfolded in the first issue, which President Kelly orchestrated, had the exact desired effect. He was able to catch parts of the battle on camera, namely the part where one mutant killed another, and crafted it into a piece of anti-mutant propaganda that would make the North Korean government proud. So basically, the shit they all gave Cameron for killing Blob was justified because it just gave President Kelly what they wanted. And that, my friends, is how hope in an apocalyptic future becomes even more fleeting.

Knowing they can’t expect the general public to reject bullshit propaganda from their government, they formulate a different course of action. They begin studying the Sentinel head they captured and used as a centerpiece for their cozy little domain. Remember that thing? How it couldn’t possibly bite them in the ass? Still keeping those clean shorts handy.

Well at first, it looks like it might do the opposite. They hack into the AI for the Sentinel and try to figure out something they can use to bite President Kelly back for his bullshit. Mystique reveals that these new Sentinels were part of a plan formulated by Doom to see if making Sentinels feel pain made them better soldiers. Again, how can that possibly go wrong? I guess Doom isn’t a Terminator fan. But beyond the shitty logic behind this program, they find codes that indicate the whole attack was staged in ways that would make conspiracy theories jizz themselves. It might actually give them something with which to counter President Kelly’s bullshit.

Then, in the least surprising twist since Larry King’s last divorce, the new Sentinels find them. I guess tinkering with another Sentinel head wasn’t such a good idea after all. Who the fuck could’ve predicted this except everyone with half a brain? Predictability aside, it’s still a nice action-packed moment after a lot of wordy dialog. This battle didn’t end with Rachel freeing Storm and it’s not going to end just because the X-men find out that the government might like to fuck with people. If things were that easy, every president since Millard Filmore would’ve been impeached.

Another battle breaks out. Like previous battles, it’s a bit rushed, but for good reason this time. While Magneto, Wolverine, Colossus, and the others battle the Doom Sentinels, Kitty takes Cameron and Christy to a very special place in Centrum. No, it’s not Wolverine’s porno stash. It’s something that might actually help them stand a chance against these Sentinels. It’s a big fucking dragon, namely Lockheed. Apparently, Kitty Pryde has been feeding him very well. He’s now big enough to be a boss fight in an old NES game. A battle between a giant dragon and Doom Sentinels? All I can say is hell the fuck yes.

As hopelessly dystopian as the Days of Future Past world might be, this comic still finds a way to fill it with hope. Hell, it’s got more hope going for it than the last Tyler Perry movies. There’s a plan, an agenda, and a struggle unfolding. And by whatever magic keeps Emma Frost’s tits in her top, it works. What makes it personal is how it unfolds from the perspective of Cameron and Christy. They’re the catalyst that makes this story feel meaningful. Without them, it might as well be a flashback from a Terminator movie. Plus, the effect of teenage hormones does add a little extra drama and that’s fitting enough. Even an apocalypse can’t stop teenagers from wanting to bone.

There’s a lot to love about Years of Future Past #2. It details a personal struggle that has heart. At times, however, that struggle is muted by bloated dialog. It’s not that there was a lot more talking and a lot less kicking ass. I understand that not every issue can contain a Lord of the Rings style battle sequence. It just felt like there was too much talking without much being said. The President can say an awful lot in a State of the Union speech, but Samuel L. Jackson can still say more just by saying the word “motherfucker” in the right tone. It still offered plenty of intriguing moments and the prospect of a giant dragon battling killer robots just gives me so many wonderful feelings in my pants. I give Years of Future Past #2 an 8 out of 10. There will always be stories about apocalyptic futures. There will always be stories about struggles for survival. But those stories don’t have to suck and this series is proving that Chris Claremont got it right. Nuff said!