Bad Romance - X-men Comics and Valentine's Day

Well I know I usually have a review on Mondays or some other post. But this time I'm simply going to use this blog as an outlet to rant a little. I'm sorry, but I need to get this shit off my chest. Today is my least favorite day of the year, Valentine's Day. It's the day where Hallmark has an orgy at the corporate headquarters because they've convinced an entire country to go out and celebrate a love that they could just as easily celebrate on their own without the bullshit marketing ploy. Now I have my reasons for hating Valentine's Day, personal reasons that I'd rather not share with the internet. Let's just say I've had my Peter Parker moments with women and I have no superpowers to make myself feel better.

So as a result of my hatred of romantic holidays, I often find myself following the romance of fiction. Call me sappy, but I actually like love stories. Anyone who has followed X-men Supreme knows I don't shy away from love, romance, and everything in between. Why would I? Some of the greatest stories ever told are love stories. Comics have told some epic love stories that bring me comfort to this day. I can still read stories about Spider-Man and Mary Jane, Superman and Lois Lane, Cyclops and Jean Grey, Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman, and Wolverine and whatever girl he happens to be interested in at the moment. Heck, there are even gay couples like Rictor and Shatterstar or Mystique and Irene from X-men. It's a beautiful thing, romance in a fictional world. Real life sucks. You get old and you die. But stories live forever. Superman and Lois Lane have had it going since 1938. It's been an amazing ride that has become part of pop culture.

However, every so often comics (like fiction in general) will try to tell a story that's horribly fucked up and makes you equate love to the same disgust you get when you eat bad cheese melted atop rotting meat. There have been stories about Superman marrying his cousin, Professor Xavier having the hots for Jean Grey (when she was a teenager mind you), and Mystique getting freaky with Iceman. This is the kind of shit that's more disturbing that provocative. Lady Gaga's costume at the Grammy Awards was provocative. Courtney Love's visit to her gynecologist is disturbing.

I get that Marvel, DC, and other writers have to do shit to keep people interested. Romance is a great way to do so and that helps get other audiences besides the testosterone laden male demographic interested. However, there's a fine line between being creative and being disturbing. Sometimes that line is walked skillfully by good writers. Other times they stumble over that line like Charlie Sheen on a three-day drinking binge.

Keeping in line with the X-men theme of this blog, I cite the issue that I haven't been able to shut up about: Cyclops and Emma Frost. Most X-fans know the story. After Cyclops had his soul corrupted by Apocalypse, it fucked up his marriage with Jean among other things. It didn't help that Jean was getting in touch with her Phoenix side again so he went to Emma Frost for help. Emma took advantage of him, had a psychic affair with him, and ended up falling for him. Then Jean dies, Cyclops rejects Emma, a horrible future happens as a result, and Jean has to push Cyclops to be with Emma from the future so that the world is saved. Okay, so it's a fucked up story, but it's not a terrible story.

The premise of this move makes sense on paper. Cyclops and Jean Grey were seen as getting stale. Then again, whose fault is that? It's not like the writers did anything to spice things up between them. It seemed the only way to do so was for them to be torn apart. Now that's a problem. If the only way to make a relationship interesting is to start tearing them apart, then Ike Turner and Tina Turner had the most interesting relationship ever. At least with Cyclops and Jean Grey, the story was fleshed out. Cyclops didn't physically cheat on Jean. Even during the psychic affair, Emma mimicked Jean. And he didn't go with Emma the minute Jean died. He rejected her. Jean had to push him, knowing it sucked for her. But it worked.

For a while, Cyclops/Emma continued to work. Under Joss Whedon they were one of the most interesting romances Marvel ever put together. What made them interesting was that they were so unlike Cyclops and Jean Grey, yet there was still chemistry. Emma was cold, snide, and crass. Cyclops was stiff, brooding, and overbearing. Some fans go so far as to hate Cyclops because he became permanently tainted by cheating on Jean with Emma. That's pushing it because it was psychic in nature. And second, it does help balance out all the lip-locking Jean Grey did with Wolverine. But cheating or not, Cyclops and Emma Frost did work. Then something happened. Joss Whedon left. From then on the Cyclops/Emma relationship has become more annoying than every Justin Long movie ever created.

Cyclops and Emma went from being something quarky and different to being pretty much the same what Cyclops/Jean was. And that, my friends, is what we logical folk call pure whale shit. I get the whole notion of shaking up an iconic relationship. It's been done with every romance ever. But the way Cyclops/Emma has played out makes all the positives it once had seem like the decent drink some mysterious guy bought you before he drugs and date rapes you. Now Emma is essentially a more sexuality Jean Grey. While most men won't argue with an overly sexualized woman in comics, Emma Frost makes it more goofy than hot. She does just what Jean did, standing by Cyclops as his arm candy and supporting him no matter what he does. She even pushes him when he does something that is clearly batshit stupid. Even Jean Grey never went that far. Maybe I'm missing something here, but if you break up an iconic couple like Cyclops/Jean because it got bland only to replace it with a pairing that turns out to have the same problems then why the fuck do you break them up in the first place?! Is it just because someone at Marvel has a preference for blonds instead of redheads? This is the 21st fucking century. We have Photoshop now. You can turn Jean Grey's hair blond and Wolverine's hair pink if you want. You can do that shit without fucking up the characters.

Sorry for my string of curses, but it does piss me off. Cyclops/Jean have something that Cyclops/Emma will never have. They're iconic. Their love story has spanned 40 years. Cyclops/Emma will never be that iconic. Even if it ends up lasting 40 years, it will never escape the fact that it was because of Cyclops/Jean that they got together in the first place. They're only an item because Jean Grey pushed it. Yet some writers like Matt Fraction have the stones to say that somehow Cyclops/Emma is more mature? Does he or anyone even know how to use wikipedia? Cyclops and Jean Grey actually got married, something that hasn't even been mentioned with Cyclops/Emma.

And their marriage worked, regardless of what detractors say. It worked pretty damn well in comic time. They were together for over 12 years if you count the time they spent in the future together. They raised baby Cable during that time. And pretty much every major medium from the cartoons to video games to the movies have Cyclops/Jean together in some capacity. When they don't it causes issues. Remember a joyless little clusterfuck movie called X3 that so many fans hated? Well in that movie they killed Cyclops in the first 15 minutes and tried to replace him with Wolverine. Keep in mind that Wolverine in the movies only knew Jean for a few days yet somehow their love story is supposed to be greater than the love story of Cyclops and Jean, who were together long enough to get engaged? If you think any self-respecting X-men fan would accept that then go back to your meth dealer, cut off his balls, and step on his face for selling you the worst quality shit he had.

Ever since Whedon left, Cyclops/Emma have become the sacred cow that the writers and fans used to love criticizing. They won't do jack shit to shake them up. They always have to be written as being lovey dovey, which was completely the opposite of the relationship Morrison and Whedon developed (which also happened to be the more interesting relationship). Now Emma Frost has essentially been neutered. She's about as witty as Keanu Reeves on Ritalin and about as deep as Adam Sandler's acting. Even when stories that could potentially change things come along such as Emma's past with Namor or her joining Norman Osborn, it doesn't do shit. It always ends up getting swept under the rug so Cyclops and Emma go back to the way things were. Nothing changes, yet this is exactly the kind of bullshit that writers and fans hated Cyclops/Jean Grey for.

So with this in mind, I have to say MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND PEOPLE! If you want to replace Jean with Emma, just say it. Don't take a big steaming dump on a plate and serve it up as chocolate mouse. If you just don't like Jean Grey over Emma Frost or vice versa, fine. But that's no excuse to fuck up a story or a romance that was 40 years in the making. You're not going to replace it and have it be believable. Just as you're not going to undo the stories that have been told. It's not Ultimatum or the fucking Clone Saga. It doesn't involve fucking an entire series up. If that's what you want to do just to force a character or story you want, then you're a douche-bag.

The characters come first and then the stories come second. Biases are third. We all have them. I have them. I don't hide from them nor do I deny them. But whatever my biases, I never sacrifice the story for it. A personal bias can fuck an entire series. Look at One More Day in Spider-Man. Just because some assholes don't like writing a married Spider-Man, they changed it. They didn't just end the marriage. They fucking retconned it. That's like giving someone a pill saying that it'll cure their cancer and all it does is make them shit uncontrollably for 10 days straight. If you like a pairing fine. If you don't that's fine too. It's not an excuse to go at it with a bazooka. There are other more creative and less insulting ways to get what you want in a story. You think Peter Parker asking for a divorce is crossing a line? How about making a deal with a fucking devil? For that alone, Spider-Man is not a hero. He's a shithead. At least Cyclops had the decency to wait for his wife to die before going back to being single.

So in closing, I'll just say that there will always be a place for romance. I enjoy it and will continue to utilize it in X-men Supreme. However, here on the unholiest of holidays known as Valentine's Day I'm compelled to rant a little on all the bullshit that bad romance stories can lead to in comics and fiction in general. We all love the power of love, even if we're too macho to admit it. When love stories are fucked up, that tends to piss people off more than usual. I'm pissed off it's Valentine's Day and I'm also pissed off at how certain relationships are handled in the comics. I do hope it changes. One good thing about comics is the limits of reality aren't in place. All it takes is one good story to bring everything together or make it awesome.

With that in mind I say happy fucking Valentine's Day everybody. Again, sorry for the bitter rant. Just needed to get it out of my system. Nuff said.

Marvel Adventures Spider-Man - Awesome, Fun, and with Extra Berserker Rage

One of the knocks comics routinely gets these days is that they're for kids. It's like somehow if you reach an age where you're old enough to drive and convince the guy at the liquor store you're 21, some magic gland in your brain activates and that makes you completely disinterested in comics. I think medical science has long since disproved this bullshit theory and Marvel has routinely proved with it's Marvel Adventure series that even a comic directed towards kids can still be pretty awesome.

Until they fix that seizure inducing art on Ultimate Spider-Man, Marvel Adventures will be my soul source for Spider-Man awesome for the foreseeable future. I know the landmark One Moment In Time came out this past week, but I couldn't make it through that book without wanting to shit bowling balls through my mouth (spoilers: it sucks rhino jizz). But Marvel Adventures has no such taint. Paul Tobin has kept Spider-Man in his element and it's made for some wonderful stories with some intriguing twists. Those stories continue here in Spider-Man #3 while throwing in a few guest stars to share in the awesome of this series.

It starts out with Spider-Man and his girlfriend, Chat, paying a visit to the Blond Phantom Detective Agency that's run by Chat's gal pal, Emma Frost. Apparently, she's been hired by some fancy cosmetics company wants to make a gel inspired by Wolverine's badass persona and they're paying the agency big bucks to spy on him and make sure that using his likeness won't turn into another Tiger Woods style debacle. Granted, this sounds like a major WTF moment where I would make a drug reference to the writer, but in the context of this series it actually works pretty damn well and you don't need some extra potent weed to wrap your head around it. Far as I'm concerned, it's a success!

So Spider-Man and Chat have their jobs, but before they can begin they have to make it through that other great obstacle in Peter Parker's life...High School. Here another plot that began a few issues ago is brewing. Carter Tornio, who has ties to the Tornio crime family, is looking to start a Spider-Man appreciation society. This certainly puts Peter in an awkward position because he's been looking to bring down this kid's family. Yet for some reason, Carter has this 'hero worship' thing going on as he describes it. Either he's got some serious parenting issues or he's scheming on behalf of his old man. That's not clear, but what is clear is that Peter is about as comfortable as a horse in a glue factory. Not only is this kid sending him mixed messages about his intentions, he's also showing a lot of interest in Gwen Stacy. That adds to what is already a growing level of tension that captures the classic high school drama that readers know, love, and still have nightmares about.

But enough of the high school shit. The bulk of this comic is spent with Spidy seeking out Wolverine and that's where the true awesome resides. He gets some added help from Chat and her army of willing animals as he scours the city after school, looking for Wolverine and making sure that it's okay for some soulless cosmetics company to make billions off using his name. It may very well be the least heroic act anyone has ever done in the history of a comic book.

From here, the action is purely observational. He finds Wolverine casually walking the streets of New York in his leather jacket and overall badass persona. As Peter starts watching him, he sees a few guest stars pop into the picture. Wolverine meets up with Storm and Shadowcat briefly and apparently in this universe he's not too familiar with the X-men because he has to pick his jaw up off the ground when he sees them use their powers. It seems a bit unnecessary for a guy that can stick to walls, but Tobin makes it work.

But Wolvie isn't just out to mingle with friends. It doesn't take long for him to flash his badassery. When he parks his motorcycle right in front of this very nice car that happens to be owned by a very mean-looking thug, fists start flying. It's not much of a fight for Wolverine because he ends it quickly by just shedding his claws and shredding the douche-bag's precious car. For anyone who has ever had to park around some super expensive car that's taking up more than one space, this should bring a smile to your face.

That fight ends quickly and Wolverine goes back to mingling with his X-buddies. Peter and Chat continue to follow him and wouldn't you know it, Jean Grey makes an appearance. Considering her status in the comics is always in question and any medium she does appear in tends to fuck her up beyond recognition (looking at you Forever and post-Ultimatum Ultimate) this is a refreshing sight. The presence of Jean in the Marvel Adventures universe is a welcome addition and it showcases the friendship between Logan and Jean that has so often been overshadowed by a certain fiery parrot. Hopefully, this isn't the last time she shows up in the Marvel Adventures universe.

While the presence of other X-characters is nice, this less-than-destructive plot can't go on forever. Somebody has to screw up and a fight has to break out. That happens pretty quickly because Spider-Man soon finds out that while Wolverine is pretty friendly with the X-ladies, he doesn't take kindly to being followed around by a kid in a suit. In his typical Wolverine brand of overreacting, he confronted Spider-Man in a way only he can. And by confront I mean with claws and several levels of pissed off.

So Spidy has some 'splaining to do. He manages to say just enough to spare him a healthy dose of Wolvie berserker rage. But before all is said and done, another string of guest stars enter. This time, it isn't the X-men. It's actually the same douche-bag thugs that Wolverine screwed over last time. Apparently, they were late for their latte and still steaming about their car being shredded. So when they see Spidy and Wolverine, they're understandably stoked as douche-bags so often are about getting a little payback.

What follows next is a classic Spider-Man/Wolverine team up. Just the mere mention of those words should stimulate the enlarged awesomeness gland hard wired into every fanboy's brain. Take a wise-cracking high school kid and team him up with a razor clawed badass and you've got a perfect mixture of awesome. This time the thugs don't just go away either. They came prepared to fight with chains, brass knuckles, and what not. Anyone without powers would have soiled their underwear from such a sight, but Spidy and Wolverine make it awesome and fun. In many ways it's a perfect statement of why the Marvel Adventure universe is so great and certain elements of the 616 continuity suck harder than Paris Hilton at an NBA all-star game.

The fight is nicely played out over the next few pages. While Wolverine holds his own, Spider-Man ends up getting a little overwhelmed. Some Spidy fans may cry foul when seeing their favorite web-head get beat down by a bunch of powerless thugs, but it's important to remember that in Marvel Adventures Spidy is still just a teenager. He's still refining his superhero act. That means along the way he's going to have some growing pains and sometimes those pains come in the form of being overwhelmed, knocked to the ground, and stomped on by a bunch of self-indulgent thugs. In this case that's not an exaggeration. That's what actually happened.

Now you would expect at one point that Logan comes over and helps the kid out. But since he's too busy enjoying the beatdown, another familiar Marvel face comes in and helps Spider-Man out. Again, it's not an X-man. It's actually not even a hero this time. It's a guy who's been popping up in the last few issues of this series. He wasn't in costume before. Now he is. That's right, it's Bullseye and just when it looks like Spidy is going to require a trip to the emergency room, Bullseye shows off his skills by hitting each thug with a perfect suprisingly non-lethal strike (it's a kids comic, did you really expect there to be blood?).

Spider-Man is understandably confused, but he can't be too upset since Bullseye spared him from a world of pain. He doesn't get much a chance to thank him either. Bullseye doesn't stick around. He picks up and leaves the scene, but not before he makes the standard bad guy ominous threat that he'll be back and next time he won't be so kid friendly. It helps set the stage for the next story and sets up Bullseye to be Spidy's next foe. If this doesn't hook you on this series, then you need to more crack in your diet.

So the fight is won and the bad guys are gone. Spider-Man is still woozy, but manages to catch up with Chat and Wolverine. The Blond Phantom is even nice enough to join as well. Everything seems to have worked out. Wolverine finds out about this whole hair gel plot and offers to go along with it, but not without taking advantage of it as he's so prone to do. He manages to talk Emma into buying him dinner, which by default asks her out on a date. She accepts and Peter along with the rest of every man in comic fandom is left fuming with envy. How a guy like Wolverine gets all the hot poon in Marvel is beyond unfair, but it's perfectly in line with who he is and you can't ask for much more than that when it comes to ending this comic.

I know I already said it earlier, but it's worth saying again. Marvel Adventures is an awesome series and Paul Tobin does a bang-up job writing these stories. This comic brought together all the elements of what makes this series great. Not only did it tell a novel and compelling story, moved the overall plot with Peter and his life as Spider-Man along within the context of this unique continuity. It gives readers plenty of incentive to pick up the next issue and appeals to those classic Marvel lovers who cherish every Spider-Man/Wolverine team up. It's certainly an improvement over the last issue and offers a complete package demonstrating just how great this series can be.

Even though this is marketed as a kids comic, it has all the elements that make other comics like Blackest Night and X-Force so awesome. Because of this I cannot give it anything less than a perfect 5 out of 5. I truly couldn't find many flaws in it. Everything is put together perfectly. It actually makes the reader wish Tobin would add in more books to the Marvel Adventures series. If this is the only series where we can have no One More Day style retcons, a live Jean Grey, and a world that isn't utterly destroyed for shock value (glares at Ultimatum) then there's no reason not to pick it up and celebrate it! Marvel Adventures Spider-Man is awesome and deserves all the respect the mature comics garner. Fuck One More Day. Fuck One Moment in Time. Fuck Ultimatum. Nuff said.

Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #2 - Awesome for All Ages

It's been quite a while since I've followed a Spider-Man comic. Despite being one of my favorite comic series after X-men, I've found little awesome to celebrate in the pages of Marvel's latest releases. I'm among those disgruntled fans who saw One More Day and was so disgusted that I can't even look at a 616 Spider-Man comic without going into convulsions. Maybe I'm weird, but when the writers and editors completely undo 20 years of continuity because they ran out of ideas for a married Spider-Man I get a little pissed. It seemed the only viable Spider-Man comic after that was Ultimate, but then another One More Day caliber shit storm hit the fan called Ultimatum and that fucked everything up just as bad. It's not that Ultimate Spider-Man makes me sick to my stomach. It's the fact that the art is so fucked up it's like a manga comic fucked a stick figure and shit out a bunch of deformed images. Compared to the iconic imagery of Mark Bagley, it's a hell of a downgrade and it's also hard to take a comic book seriously when you can't look at the art without rolling your eyes at how lame it is.

But all is not lost for a comic book Spider-Man. Recently, the Marvel Adventures line launched an ongoing series of Spider-Man and the Avengers (but the comic is titled Super Heroes) that take place in a fresh continuity that caters to all ages. Under the pen of Paul Tobin it's basically like Ultimate, just not on a bigger scale. While that may seem like a turn-off for some, it doesn't stop the books from being awesome and Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #2 demonstrates that in a way that an 8-year-old and an 80-year-old can relate to and not in an Ancient Greek kind of way.

The issue starts off innocently enough. Teenage Peter Parker is carrying some groceries when he get the attention of a dog that looks strikingly similar to Lockjaw, the adorable pet of the Inhumans. The dogs name Attila an even greater clue, but that doesn't come into play. What does come into play is that the dog is snatched by some thugs riding on a motor scooter. It sounds pretty lame and it is. I mean seriously, who steals a fucking dog? Where's the money and street cred in that? It's contrived, no doubt about it. But it serves a purpose. It gets Spider-Man in costume and into hero mode.


Naturally, Peter helps the pretty lady owner of the dog (who looks like Crystal of the Inhumans by the way) and beats the thugs to a pulp. It's hardly surprising and anything but an epic battle, but then again this is an all ages comic. You can't exactly have the guys gang up on the woman and try to rape her. That's more in line with the MAX series. But the conflict isn't without danger. During the fight, a little girl gets caught in the crossfire and Spidy has to be the hero and save her. This being a kid comic, he does just that and the girl is nice and cute about it. If this were Ultimate she would probably be a scantily dressed teenage skank and while I have nothing against those kind of women, this actually does work better.


At least they maintain the theme of Spider-Man being on the shit list of the police. They still treat him like a criminal so that's one theme they maintain despite the age appeal. That's one less reason for the older readers to roll their eyes and bitch. At least the little girl is grateful, showing once again that kids can have far better manners than adults in uniform. Thanks to the kid Spider-Man is free to return the dog to it's owner, but wouldn't you know it? The owner is gone? Either she is part of the Inhumans or she's just a very shitty owner.

So to find her, Peter enlists the help of his current girlfriend, Sofia. For those of you wondering "Wait...who the fuck is Sofia?" That's one of the unique twists to this series. Gwen Stacy is alive in this, but there are other characters like Sofia who is a friend of a teenage Emma Frost that revealed to her Peter's identity. In the comics that led up to this, she grew close to Peter and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. It helps that Sofia is a mutant that can talk to animals so she understands Peter in a way other lovers haven't. She's not the most interesting character thus far, but she has some depth and she's got good chemistry with Peter to make this kiddy universe that much more unique.


So Sofia (who also goes by the codename Chat), tries to help Peter by talking to the dog and locating the owner. It's not successful. Apparently dogs don't have very good communication skills. They think in terms of which scents smell good and which trees are fun to pee on. They're practically on the same level as stoned college students. So they're basically stuck and have to go to school with this animal, hoping the owner will turn up.

While this plot is unfolding, another story develops involving the Torino crime family. Like Sophia, the Torinos are a unique manifestation in this all ages continuity. They're a crime family that Spider-Man has been harassing to no end and like most mobs, they don't like that. So they're putting out increasingly bigger bounties on the guy and one of them is a familiar looking guy with a bald head who boasts he never misses. If you think that sounds like Bullseye, give yourself a gold star and a hit of ecstasy. There's no subtlety here. Tobin has to make this comic have broad appeal and that means no complex character plots. It kind of kills any sense of mystery, but it's pulling some rehashed old plot out of old comics and trying to make it seem new. As the old saying goes, you can't make shit shine.


But Bullseye is just half the story. The other half involves a teenage boy named Carter Torino. As the name implies, he's an heir to the Torino family. Despite that name, he's remarkably well-adjusted. Anybody whose watched the Sopranos knows that kids in mob families tend to get fucked up pretty extensively. This guy looks painfully normal and not in a good way. It does make for a potentially interesting plot though because when he joins Peter's school, Peter is the lucky guy who has to show him the ropes. Seriously, they couldn't draw this up any better if they had pain mixed with flakes of gold and silver.


To make matters even more awkward for Peter, Carter hits it off with Gwen Stacy. Mob kids just can't seem to resist pretty blonds and Gwen just can't resist attracting psychopaths and having their demon babies. Carter puts on the charm and Gwen seems to fall for it as you would expect any ditzy blond. It's a far cry from the sweet girl of the 616 comics or the edgy girl of the Ultimate comics. It seems like something that's just thrown in there to make Peter bang his head against the wall. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but a little subtlety wouldn't make this comic X-rated. Tobin seems too cautious for his own good here.


So there's a missing dog that looks like Lockjaw and a kid from the Torino mob family going to Peter's school. It sounds like quite a plot that could lead to a very interesting conflict. Halfway through the comic you're left wondering what this is going to lead to. Well unfortunately, this is where the comic once again takes another turn that leaves those two little plots on the back burner. The story that basically overtakes the rest of the issue involves a visit from Shang-Chi, also known as Iron Fist. Apparently he does high school assemblies now and he just happens to be giving one in Peter's school when all this is going. Not that I have anything against getting the greater Marvel universe involved, but this is just another contrived plot. I know I say the world contrived a lot, but until I find something that works better this is what I'll keep on saying.


What happens next is fairly predictable, but that doesn't make the action any less enjoyable. Shang-Chi gets some unexpected visitors during his assembly. As is often the case, Ironfist is on the shit list of a lot of ninjas. Perhaps they don't like him wearing such bright colors, but whatever the reason they want to kick his ass and once again they do their best to try. Not to be outdone, Spider-Man gets in on the action and the fight that follows is classic beat-em-up.


It's not over too quickly and it doesn't drag either. For the students in the assembly, they watch on as if it's a staged event. I admit I would probably do the same. How many chances do you get to watch ninjas getting their asses kicked in a high school assembly? It sure would have made high school a lot less boring, that's for sure. Peter channels his inner Karate Kid and earns some praise from Shang-Chi in the process. It makes for a satisfying fight that kids and adults alike can appreciate it.


The problem is the comic runs out of ink at this point. There's no further development with the dog or Carter Torino or Bullseye. Spider-Man just fights the ninjas with Ironfist and that's it. Even though the fight was fun, it essentially cock-blocks the story. Whoever was interested in seeing where the first two plots set up in the beginning were going they end up being disappointed. Apparently, they weren't as interesting as ninjas. It's not entirely flawed logic. It has been scientifically proven time and again that ninjas make a comic more awesome. It's not without it's charms here either, but just doesn't fit the plot. If only the Torino crime family was a family of ninjas then Tobin would have something. Unfortunately, the issue ends on an incomplete note and basically leads readers onto follow the next issue. It's not really a cliffhanger, but it's still a semi-effective tease.


Now it bears repeating that this is a kids comic. It is drawn like a kids comic and it carries itself as such. Despite this, there is plenty of appeal here and the art is worlds above the migraine inducing work of Ultimate Spider-Man. Tobin's dialogue is also pretty crisp here as well. He has a solid feel for these characters and is able to give them a decent voice that doesn't feel bland or boring. Even so, the plot is spotty and the contrived aspects of the story keep it from being truly special. It says a lot about the other Spider-Man comics that this is probably the most well-crafted and the least painful to follow. That takes away nothing of what Tobin has done here and ensures the series has the pull it needs to keep readers interested.

For what Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #2 brings to the table, it earns a respectable 3 out of 5. It has it's flaws and it suffers from messy storytelling. But it's a solid title and demonstrates the great potential in the Marvel Adventures line. Since Ultimate has been utterly ruined, it leaves readers like me hoping that this line gets expanded to include other facets of the Marvel universe like X-men, the Defenders, the Fantastic Four, and SHIELD. There's a great deal of potential here and there's also a solid market for an alternative from 616. Ultimate once filled that void, but thanks to Ultimatum it's about as meaningful as Paris Hilton's views on foreign policy. Paul Tobin is on the verge of doing something special here and this series is definitely worth following, if for no other reason than to have a Spider-Man universe that is fun, entertaining, and not soul-crushingly lame. Nuff said.