Ever go to a party and come across one of those annoying guys who tells the same fucking joke over and over again as if it hasn't become more annoying than listening to Rosanne Barr's singing? Ever feel the urge to break an empty beer bottle over his head and rub the shards of glass into his eyes? Well don't worry. You're not a psychopath. You're normal.
Certain teasers for movies, comic books, and TV shows are a lot like that wannabe comedian at the party, except you can't break a beer bottle over a teasers head. If you could, every trailer that ever ended with the words like "never before seen" or "a journey like no other" would have irreversible brain damage. The same could be said for Marvel's trailers regarding Jean Grey. I know I use this image more than Lady Gaga uses lipstick, but it still gets the point across.
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| What I wouldn't give for a beer bottle. |
There was a time when another Jean Grey teaser or Phoenix teaser or any teaser that involved Marvel and redheaded, green-eyed women would have launched me on a drunken rant that would have made Mel Gibson blush. But I thought we were beyond that. Marvel has already announced that
Jean Grey (at least her teenage Original Five form) will be returning to the 616 universe after Avengers vs. X-men. This was not a ruse. Marvel has already released preview our and covers that confirm that there is no bullshit this time. Jean Grey will be returning to the Marvel Universe and will probably be exceedingly pissed about what's happened since she's been dead (and alive for that matter).
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| Okay, EVERYONE will probably be pissed. |
But for some reason, Marvel's habit for Jean Grey teasers is almost as bad as my drinking. Just this past week, another teaser was released in the form of a variant cover for Avengers vs. X-men #12, which if you've been keeping track you know is the last issue of the event. It's not as blatant as the cover for Uncanny X-men #511. Actually, I think this shit is several levels above that. See for yourself.
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| Fuck, I'm going to need a bigger beer bottle! |
It's not just a teaser. And if it's a joke, it would be like a joke about condoms at an abortion clinic. It's another Phoenix teaser, of which there have been plenty over the course of Avengers vs. X-men. But this isn't just any Phoenix. This is motherfucking Dark Phoenix! And it isn't just using Phoenix imagery. That's not fucking Hope Summers in the background. Hope Summers doesn't have legs that awesome, a rack that big, or eyes that ominous. Besides, Hope Summers has been shown on covers with the Phoenix before and they're at least a billion times less ominous.
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| Accept no substitutes and/or rip-off characters! |
The teaser uses Jean Grey's image. Not Hope's. Not Madelyne Pryor's. Only Jean Grey fits that image and if Marvel isn't aware of that then they have way better booze than I ever will. It has led many comic news websites to ask if this is actually a hint that the Jean Grey that isn't a teenager will be making a comeback or at least an appearance. The fine folks at IGN put it nicely when they said
"Sure, it could be Hope. I guess. But Hope doesn't have long billowy hair like that. This is obviously meant to evoke imagery of Jean, and if they pull a fast one and have it be someone else, well, that'd just be lame."
I'm not sure what to make of it other than Marvel just hoping to fuck with Jean Grey fans one last time before she comes back in All New X-men. I get it. They think that shit is fun. But there comes a time when teasers stop teasing and start annoying. Now don't get me wrong. I would love it if Jean Grey returned in Avengers vs. X-men #12 and used her Dark Phoenix might to bitch slap Hope for ripping her off all these years. But that shit would make way too much sense. Anyone who has been following this blog over the past few years knows Marvel doesn't do shit that makes sense even to a drunk. So for that, I'm content to look at this teaser in the same way I look at those AA pamphlets that list signs that you may have a drinking problem. I just ignore them and let someone else obsess over them until I figure out the cold hard truth for myself. Nuff said!
I'm not getting my hopes up at all for this. Cool picture of Dark Phoenix, but yeah, I'll pass.
ReplyDeleteIt would be nice to have Jean back but it's probably Wanda.
ReplyDeleteNot really a Jean Grey fan, prefer Hope more. (Please don't kill me.:)) but in the short time I've been reading your blog I understand your pain in how Marvel has treated Jean fans. I'm interested in the young version of her in All New Xmen and I do expect her and Hope to have a interesting meeting. I'm hoping they give us a concrete connection between Hope-Jean-Phoenix.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading "I prefer Hope more" I want to take every issues of Xmen Jean Grey ever appeared in and give you paper cuts all over your body and then shower you in lemon juice. It's people like you that make marvel do bullshit crossovers like the one we have now. It's pointless and hasn't accomplished jack shit. However, I think you may just be ignorant and instead need to be educated about Jean. Like reading the stories she was in rather than hearing about her. (Altho if you already have then you REALLY do deserve to be cut like a bitch and bathed in acid).
DeleteI weep for you.
DeleteThanks for the comments guys. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one completely cynical about this shit. Marvel has done way too much teasing with Jean Grey and for that reason I say fuck these teasers with a fifteen foot cock. But fuck if that isn't an awesome pic of Dark Phoenix. It's also worth noting that Marvel has yet to reveal any relationship between Hope and Jean even if Jean in the White Hot Room isn't coming back. That would be nice of them to cover, but I think that would be asking for way too much of Marvel. Plus, it would make too much fucking sense.
ReplyDeleteJack
Ouch guys..To answer you IceColdEmma, I've read quite a few stories she's been in, and seen the the Evolution animated show and the old 90's show. I'm not saying I support EVERYTHING that's been done with her in this event.. I haven't been that happy with AvX at all. I know I'm behind enemy lines here, I just thought I'd let Jack know there is at least ONE Hope fan who reads his reviews and story. :)
ReplyDeleteDon't take it too hard. Jean fans are a little...sensitive these days.
DeleteAnd I appreciate that. It takes a spine of adamantium to absorb all the shit I give Hope. And I'm sad to say, I'm not going to stop. I respect regular followers of X-men Supreme and this blog too much to bullshit them. Thanks anyways!
DeleteJack
Solicits are really confusing these days. If we didn't already know teen!Jean was coming there's no other way you could interpret that image. But since she is coming and we don't expect Marvel to have two Jeans running around (even though there will be two of all the other O5) now we get to speculate about what should be plainly obvious. The money's on it being Hope or Wanda, but why would they get the old Dark Phoenix outfit when the P5 all got new ones? And obviously neither one of them are going to have the Phoenix for long.
ReplyDeleteBut it's obvious who Marvel wanted it to look like, but since it's almost certainly not Jean my guess is the original Dark Phoenix, the not-Jean but a copy that died on the moon the first time, somehow comes back. That way it gets to be the original psychotic Dark Phoenix, but Marvel can still say it's not Jean.
Bah.
It could definitely just be another Jean Grey shell like it was in the original Phoenix Saga. But then again, that would be cliched. However, if you're going to rehash old ideas, you might as well rehash them from one of the most iconic stories in the history of X-men.
DeleteJack
Either way it's gonna be something they pulled from their collective asses. Like most of AvX has been. If they ended it when the P5 were fixing the world I'd have loved it. Instead they HAD to have Avengers be dicks..ugh.
ReplyDeleteTheir ass definitely seems to be the primary source of ideas lately since they've flat out ignored Phoenix Endsong and even X-Sanction. I can understand Phoenix Endsong, but X-Sanction? Fuck, that happened earlier this year. There are blind spots and then there's just bullshit.
DeleteWhen you compare this sack of shit to something amazing like Xtinction Agenda you wonder what the fuck marvel is doing. xtinction Agenda brought a lot of books together for a large crossover. It also brought together a lot of different plot lines that had nothing to do with one another, but ended up beautifully working well into a cohesive whole. AvX has been so badly done. It makes you wonder WHY they went into this without having a plan or knowing the details or even where they were going. We've been waiting a decade for Wanda to have some kind of confrontation with the Xmen (Emma of all people)and we've been waiting lil more than a decade for Jean to return. This seemed like the perfect scenario for both and it's just become like a capcom game in comic form. I do wonder after Disney purchased Marvel..if perhaps Jean wasn't a part of that package.
ReplyDeleteBest theory I've heard for AvX: Marvel wants to merge the franchises so they can get the rights back to the X-Men. Right now Fox owns the rights to all MUTANT characters, even Avengers like Wanda.
DeleteTo be fair, AvX started out pretty damn awesome. Then again, so did Fear Itself. Marvel can set the stage for some pretty awesome events. However, they are utterly fucked when it comes to finishing them. They turned AvX from an ideological struggle between the Avengers and X-men to a fucking monster movie where the X-men admit they're wrong and they team up with the Avengers to fight the Phoenix. Fuck, if we want that we'll just watch Alien vs. Predator. At least that shit is honest. This isn't Avengers vs. X-men anymore. It's Avengers and X-men vs. Phoenix.
DeleteJack
I have a question. If Hope Summers slept with Sebastian Shaw, how low would your opinion drop of her?
ReplyDeleteI don't know if my opinion of Hope Summers can get much lower in the same way I don't know how George W. Bush can become more hated.
ReplyDeleteJack