Old Man Logan #8: Nuff Said!

Some characters are just destined to screwed over and not in the fun, Emma Frost on two glasses of wine kind of way. It's not just that some characters attract shitty luck the same way I attract parking tickets. Some characters are just superpowered versions of Al Bundy, always getting shafted and basically conceding that to some degree. Old Man Logan might not be as miserable as Al Bundy, at least in the sense that the redheads in his life don't suck his soul out through his wallet. However, he seems destined to be screwed over.

This hasn't stopped Jeff Lemire from making Old Man Logan one of the best things to come out of Secret Wars. Yeah, he's a grumpy old fuck, but not because of how low kids wear their pants. He comes from a world where he killed all his friends. That's a valid reason to be pissed off. He spent the first arc of this series figuring out he's in an alternate world where he isn't destined to do that...yet. Old Man Logan #8, however, shows that he's still bracing himself for destiny to kick him in the balls. So long as he doesn't end up selling women's shoes, he's still got it better than Al Bundy though.

It's still worth emphasizing just how fucked things got in Old Man Logan's world. Jeff Lemire goes out of his way to belabor that throughout the series and yeah, it needs belaboring. When aircraft carriers fall out of the sky, when villains come riding in with a massive rage boner, and when the Avengers are too dead to do jack shit about it, then yeah. That's pretty fucked and it's worth emphasizing just how fucked it is. It also gives Andrea Sorrentino a good excuse to show aircraft carriers crashing into cities and Odin knows we can't have too many of those.

Memories of this world and how fucked it got tend to keep Old Man Logan up at night. He can't blame his prostate or his colon either. This shit still haunts him and he still has this uncomfortable feeling that this timeline will get as fucked up as his. Considering mutants are living in a fucking demon realm and Captain America is swearing allegiance to Hydra, I can't say I blame him.

That's when O5 Jean Grey comes in to console him. Put your dick away, anime fans and those with fucked up porno tastes. It's not that kind of consolation. It's just someone who cares about Old Man Logan trying to help him. People actually do it every now and then. Teenage girls even do it, albeit in between texting. O5 Jean has more reasons than most. She did promise him in Extraordinary X-men that she would keep him from becoming the asshole that triggers this future. She even offers to help him again on a night like this when all the prostate issues in the world can't make him this restless.

Again, put your dicks away. There's no sexual innuendo here. It's just O5 Jean Grey keeping her promise and being more helpful than most teenagers tend to be without having to hide their cell phone.

Once again, Lemire belabors just how much Old Man Logan needs O5 Jean to keep that promise. Go back to his overly fucked world. Watch the villains drop an omega-level shit storm on New York City. Some of the few remaining heroes, like Daredevil and She-Hulk, try to fight back. They might as well be throwing feathers at hungry polar bear. They all meet with particularly gruesome deaths, the kind that even Netflix won't show. It's yet another excuse for Andrea Sorrentino to draw brutal scenes and no, we can't have too many of those either.

Back in a totally non-fucked timeline, O5 Jean and Old Man Logan are hovering over New York City. It's not being destroyed. Heroes aren't getting shot in the head. It's just a normal night, full of heavy traffic, pissed off pedestrians, and obscenely rents. O5 Jean makes it a point to show Old Man Logan that the world isn't a total shit pile just yet. He hasn't handed it to the villains, complete with a side of fries and a bag of meth. It may seem redundant, but he's a stubborn old geezer. Even the influence of a cute teenage girl has limits and O5 Jean is fully clothed here. It just shows she's willing to do things the hard way and the right way.

More belaboring follows. That means more heroes dying gruesome deaths in a gruesomely violent manner. This time, it's Hank Pym. Unless it involves his wife, he's not exactly adept at beating villains. No matter his size, he's over-matched in this timeline. It leads to another gruesome moment full of exceedingly graphic depictions by Sorrentino. It's more eye-candy and at this point in the series, I'm pretty sure my eyes have diabetes. Totally worth it though.

In a less gruesome timeline, O5 Jean shows Old Man Logan another empty field. Why does this matter? Well, the field doesn't have the giant rotting body of Hank Pym dominating the landscape. That alone is a pretty powerful message. No matter how much of an old geezer he is, I doubt Old Man Logan forgets the stench of a giant rotting Hank Pym.

Understanding that some old smells don't need belaboring, O5 Jean also takes Old Man Logan to the site where the Xavier Institute used to stand. Granted, he's not the reason why it's gone. Someone still thinks it's a good idea to set up shop in a fucking demon realm while Inhuman fart clouds cover the planet, but Old Man Logan can't blame himself for that one. At the very least, it shows that this timeline is different. It's still fucked in a lot of ways, but at least there are no giant corpses of Hank Pym just lying around.

Even without the Xavier Institute there, it brings back some shitty memories of a shittier timeline. Old Man Logan relives painful moments that don't just involve the villains killing the heroes and pissing on their corpses. They involve moments where he kills his friends and teammates, including those really close to him like Jubilee. Anyone who saw even half a season of the old X-men cartoon will understand why this is a big fucking deal.

After all the other memories of gruesome deaths and rampant destruction, this is a moment that adds some much-needed balance. Old Man Logan tends to attract and recall obscenely brutal moments full of obscenely bloody fails from an obscenely fucked timeline. However, there are still personal connections within these moments and those moments give the obscenely dark nature of his timeline a lot of impact. It's a big part of what makes Old Man Logan a compelling character. It's also a nice reminder to X-men fans that as fucked as the current timeline is, it could still be way more fucked.

Bad memories and the lingering stench of Hank Pym's rotting corpse suck. However, O5 Jean isn't just there to remind him of how shitty his world got. After they're done touring the places from his timeline that aren't utterly fucked, she takes him to Madripoor where Old Man Logan meets up with some old friends. Many are friends he ended up stabbing to death in his timeline, but they're utterly unstabbed in this one. This includes Jubilee, Captain America, Hawkeye, and Puck. It makes for a much nicer, less obscenely violent moment involving Old Man Logan. Given how rare those are in this series, it's a precious moment and one that more than deserves a round of Canadian beers.

Excuse me. I just teared up a little. No, I'm not apologizing.

After sharing a few hugs and drinks, Old Man Logan and O5 Jean watch the sunset and soak in the last round of feels. Again, there's nothing overly creepy about this moment. Those hoping for some X3-level bullshit are going to be disappointed, as they should be. Beyond Old Man Logan gaining perspective, we also learn just how big a difference that a non-dead Jean Grey can make. She was already dead in Old Man Logan's timeline when shit went bad. She's still technically dead in this timeline, but she has a time-displaced version running around. At a time when the X-men are so thoroughly fucked due to movie rights and shit, that's still a big fucking difference.

So...is it awesome?

Well as much as Old Man Logan flexes his wrinkly old nuts in this series, he still leaves room for others when they have something to flex. In Old Man Logan #8, it's O5 Jean Grey who shines. She shows in one issue that she has bigger balls than all the football players in Texas and only a fraction of the head trauma. She helps Old Man Logan confront his greatest fears. She helps give context to the horrors he endured in his timeline. It makes for a powerful, emotional moment that isn't the least bit creepy. When was the last time we could say that about any plot involving an old man and a teenage girl?

Jeff Lemire and Andrea Sorrentino continue to make Old Man Logan one of the most compelling Wolverine series in years. It's not about him wanting to gut Sabretooth, bang a married woman, or kill every ninja in sight. It's about a jaded old man trying to rebuild a life that he tries to piss away on more than one occasion. He's still as badass as Clint Eastwood, minus the senility and crazy political leanings. O5 Jean just reminds us that he needs a hug every now and then. After Old Man Logan #8, anyone other than a sociopath or a Fox News anchor, will be eager to hug him.

Final Score: 8 out of 10