The Enemy Within (And Beyond): All-New Wolverine #18

The following is my review of All-New Wolverine #18, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

There are some stories that just can't be remade in a convincing, compelling fashion. The producers of the now-infamous Ghostbusters remake found this out the hard way. However, it is possible to retell a story in a way that doesn't feel like a new layer of paint on an old car that shouldn't be on the road anymore. Those stories are rare and even then, a retelling of those stories involves a lot of moving parts that need to work together without collapsing into a chaotic mess

The classic Wolverine story, Enemy of the State, may not be nearly as iconic as Ghostbusters, but it captures so much of what makes Wolverine a great character. It effectively jams rusty nails into Wolverine's deepest scars, let's them fester, and builds a story around it. It's a key conflict for Wolverine that gives him much of his depth. He struggles with being a man and a former meat puppet of Weapon X. It's a powerful struggle that his daughter and inheritor of his title, Laura Kinney, has inherited.

As X-23, Laura knows just as much about being a tormented meat puppet as Logan. On top of that, she deals with this on top of being a teenage girl. This makes her uniquely qualified to handle the narrative surrounding Enemy of the State II. Tom Taylor gives her that chance, putting her in a situation where Laura has to confront the meat puppet within her that once made her a living weapon.

He sets high stakes. After apparently killing nearly three dozen innocent people, she finds herself at the top of SHIELD's most wanted list, right up there with cloned Spider-Man villains. She also has to confront old enemies like Kimura, who are intent on reminding her that she's a failed science experiment and not a person. In her mind, she's several layers below a trained pitbull.

These are the moving parts that forge the narrative for Enemy of the State II and All-New Wolverine #18 caps off that narrative with a potent mix of drama, action, plot twists, and exploding bean cans. It's every bit as entertaining as it sounds. Beyond the entertainment value, though, Taylor goes out of his way to capture the most important element of Enemy of the State, which is heart. Those who've seen the Logan movie and wiped away their tears will appreciate what Taylor accomplishes here.

To get to this point, X-23 must overcome some personal demons that have plagued her since her early origin stories in X-23: Innocence Lost. This is perfectly appropriate for the context and grand scheme of the story. Overcoming personal demons for Wolverine is right up there with drinking beer, stabbing Sabretooth, and chasing married women. For X-23, a teenage girl who isn't old enough to drink, it's a much higher priority and one that ensures All-New Wolverine #18 hits with just the right amount of drama.

The biggest demon for X-23 has both a face and a potent weapon. Kimura is to her what Sabretooth is to Logan. She embodies the anchor that keeps her tied to her bloody past. She represents the pain, burdens, and rage that fills her with such dread and anger. Fighting her means much more than just fighting a run-of-the-mill Sentinel. Taylor has this fight involve more than just stabbing though.

The stakes of the battle are already high because Kimura is armed with the trigger scent, the weapon that turns X-23 into the heartless killer who murdered her own mother. It is a burden and a fear that has plagued X-23 since her earliest days in the X-men comics. It's a big part of what drives the narrative throughout Enemy of the State II, having X-23 go on the run and do everything she can to avoid becoming what Kimura wants her to be. This convergence of past fears and present conflicts helps craft a perfectly balanced, deeply satisfying conclusion.

It's also a conclusion that requires X-23 to do things Logan wasn't very good at. He may have been the best at what he did, but coordinating with others was never one of those things and not just because of his propensity to flirt with married women. X-23 shows a greater willingness to work with others, let them in, and share her burdens. It gives a supporting cast like Gabby, Jean Grey, Gambit, Angel, and Tyger Tiger a chance to shine. She's still not the greatest teammate, but compared to Logan, she's a pro.

X-23's supporting cast gives her the resources she needs to overcome the trigger scent and attack Kimura. However, she's still the one who delivers the final blow. Like her predecessor, she makes it very personal and very brutal. Unlike previous battles, though, Kimura can't use the trigger scent as her trump card. She has to face X-23 head on. They have to fight as equals. It makes for a battle that feels organic, brutal, and dramatic.

The added drama also helps ensure the plot twist that emerge in the final conclusion work. As a result, it doesn't feel forced. It doesn't feel like a cop-out. It feels like a genuine, realistic recourse for the narrative. For a story that involves so much running around, stabbing, and snarling, that's a critical ingredient that separates decent stories from savory deserts.

The original Enemy of the State may not be as iconic as other major Wolverine stories like Old Man Logan, if only because it hasn't been the basis for a major movie yet. However, it is an important story that embodies what it means to be Wolverine. All-New X-men #18 and Enemy of the State II embodies that same spirit.

X-23 even goes out of her way to make that clear. She loudly proclaims that she's not just a weapon. She's Laura Kinny. She has a mother, a father, and the title. She is, by every meaningful criteria, Wolverine. Taylor does everything necessary to make this abundantly clear. If anyone has any doubts at this point that Laura is worthy of that title, then they're just being petty.

Final Score: 9 out of 10

All-New Wolverine #12: Nuff Said!

I don't get emotionally worked up easy, at least not while in a sober state of mind. Get a few beers and joints in me and I'll hug you like you're my long-lost sibling. So when a comic comes along that kicks me right in the feels, I'm pretty damn impressed. Tom Taylor managed to do that with All-New Wolverine and not just because it has a pet wolverine, an adorable clone girl named Gabby, and X-23 flying a jet pack naked. He just delivered an emotional gut-punch at the end of All-New Wolverine #11 with Old Man Logan stabbing gabby. Now, my gut is ripe as fuck in anticipation for All-New Wolverine #12. I'm bracing myself, but for all the right reasons.

A quick flash to Old Man Logan's dystopian shit storm of a future makes my asshole clench that much harder. He establishes very clearly that he hates Gabby. He hates her the same way I hate parking tickets and non-alcoholic beer. He hates her so much that he kicks over her grave, spits on it, and encourages the world to do the same. Even by Wolverine standards, that's cold.

At the very least, it provides some context to the emotional gut punch we got at the end of the previous issue. Old Man Logan hates Gabby and for reasons that are only partially clear, he's eager to take her out of the equation, so much so that he'll do it with a goddamn smile if he could. It adds the kind of dramatic weight to the story that has helped make this series so awesome. The fact Tom Taylor does it without a pet wolverine makes it all the more astonishing.

Back in the present, the feels from that emotional gut punch still sting like a bitch. Unless you're overdosing on anti-depressants or have a severe personality disorder, seeing X-23 hold Gabby's body will create a lump in anyone's throat for all the right reasons. All the while, Captain America worries more about the hapless SHIELD agents who Old Man Logan roughed up. That's right. He's more concerned with the well-being of SHIELD agents than that of a young mutant girl who just got stabbed. That, my friends, tells you everything you need to know about how Marvel sees mutants these days.

Naturally, X-23 is several different kinds of pissed off. It's not enough a couple of dip-shit burglars shot Jonathan the Wolverine a few issues back. Now, her adorable clone sister got stabbed by a grumpy alternate version of her father. There are bad days, shitty days, and then there's this. When we have days like this, we're perfectly entitled to stab anything within a 50 foot radius.

At least X-23 knows how to channel her anger appropriately, which sets her apart from 95 percent of every teenage girl I've ever known. If she's going to stab anyone, it's going to be Old Man Logan. There's a few more heartfelt moments with X-23 and Gabby, which should make that lump in your throat feel like a fucking coconut at this point, and then X-23 runs off after Old Man Logan. He stabs her clone sister. She makes his present way more dystopian than any shitty future he comes from. That's just how it works.

With help from Maria Hill, a phrase that rarely ends without someone getting shot or stabbed, X-23 tracks Old Man Logan into the nearby sewer system. He's a grumpy old fuck who has been shot with enough tranquilizers to give Ozzy Osborn a mild buzz so he doesn't get far. This means less searching and more X-23 beating the living shit out of him.

This is where David Lopez gives us one of the most satisfying scenes of this series to date, at least the one that doesn't involve Jonathan the Wolverine or X-23 flying around on a jet pack naked. It's X-23 vs. Old Man Logan. Any chance they had at a meaningful relationship is pretty much shot to shit and pissed on for good measure. It's angry. It's brutal. It's visceral. It's dramatic. In other words, it's everything that makes a Wolverine battle awesome, minus sexy redheads and Japanese hookers.

As this epic stab-fest is unfolding, things are more solemn on the surface. Captain America is prepared to fit Gabby with a toe tag and send her off to wherever SHIELD stacks the mounting pile of mutant bodies. Then, just when that lump in your throat is about to take a baseball bat to your tear ducts, Gabby wakes up. Just like that, we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

That's right. She's the clone of X-23, someone who gets blown up and walks it off. On paper, that sounds so obvious and predictable. What Tom Taylor did though was give it a major dramatic impact, something that is hard to do with X-23. Keep in mind, this is someone who was tricked into killing her own mother. The bar for drama is pretty fucking high and he matched it. That's a hell of an accomplishment.

Back in the sewers, shit is still pretty brutal and stabby. Old Man Logan, still doped up on SHIELD tranquilizers, is in a total berserker rage. Given how badly that shit has screwed him over in his future, you'd think he'd be a bit more careful about it. Then again, maybe SHIELD tranquilizers are just that shitty.

They have to be because when they wear off, Old Man Logan gets a little less brutal. He must have forgotten that he's fighting a pissed off teenage girl now. That's never a good tactic, no matter how tough you are or how fast you heal. He tries to apologize. He tries to make excuses. X-23 isn't having that shit. He may as well try to justify giving the Jersey Shore more than one season. It can't be done.

Lucky for him, Gabby catches up and stops X-23 from turning Old Man Logan into glorified rat shit. This immediately calms X-23 down. There aren't many forces in the Marvel universe that can do that. A hug from an adorable clone sister is one of them. There's something wonderfully fitting about that.

However, Old Man Logan has to double down on being an ass this time, saying he didn't know she was going to heal. That means he really wanted to kill her. He does try to explain himself to some extent. He claims that Gabby ends up killing X-23 in his world. The problem is, that's his world. His world is already fucked. This world is only semi-fucked, but it's because of Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners and not because someone mind-fucked Wolverine.

X-23 makes it clear that he's now permanently etched on her shit list. She even twists the knife a little more, pointing out that pretty much everyone in Old Man Logan's future got fucked over just by knowing him. Is it harsh? Fuck yes. Is it appropriate for a guy who just stabbed a young girl? Definitely.

As harsh as it is, it does feel lacking in one important area. We really don't get many other details as to how and why X-23 and Gabby kill each other in Old Man Logan's timeline. It's a pretty important detail and one that feels incomplete. We know that this is the excuse Old Man Logan uses to attack Gabby, but is that really all there is to it? We basically just have to take his word for it and this is a guy who just stabbed a child. How trustworthy can his word be?

It makes for some less-than-dramatic threats at the end, but still leaves more than a few blanks. Gabby and Old Man Logan make clear that they will not be friends in this timeline. X-23 also makes clear that he's not the same Logan she knew and loved. It's a tense way to end their first encounter. Given all the stabbing though, it's still disturbingly fitting.

This leads to one last conversation between X-23 and Captain America. Again, it's less-than-dramatic. X-23 basically just lectures him on why heroes fighting heroes is a shitty idea. It's a lecture that feels several years too late. If only someone had pointed this out before Avengers vs. X-men. Maybe we wouldn't be in a world where Marvel feels like its heroes have to try to kill each other at least once a year. It's late and effectively moot at this point. If nothing else, it makes clear to Cap and SHIELD that X-23 is not going to stand for their shit. Honestly, who can blame her?

So...is it awesome?

Well, I didn't end up having to brace myself too much, but I'm glad I did anyhow. All-New Wolverine #12 makes good use of X-23's personal drama and Gabby's cuteness. The only one who doesn't seem to benefit here is Old Man Logan. The fact that Gabby survives is probably the most important reason why this comic is awesome. She, along with Jonathan the Wolverine, is a major reason why this series is so great. Beyond that though, there's not much worth bracing for.

We never find out the particulars of why Old Man Logan hates Gabby so much in his world. That lack of painfully dramatic details keeps All-New Wolverine #12 from having the same emotional gut punch as the last issue. However, it does establish clearly that X-23 does not see Old Man Logan as the same Logan who died. That's an important element to establish, if for no other reason than to make clear that she accepts no substitutes. Being a clone herself, that's a bit hypocritical, but entirely understandable.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Body-Swapping Superhero Slap-Stick: All-New Wolverine Annual #1

The following is my review of All-New Wolverine Annual #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When it comes to teenage superheroes, there's a certain set of assumptions that tend to limit their story. They have to be awkward. They have to be inept. They have to be whiny, goofy, and immature to the point where they'll fight guidance counselors as hard as any super-villain. In some respects, Peter Parker is responsible for creating this template and it seems every character is trying to copy him. The problem is such efforts leads to one too many Clone Sagas and time travelers.

It's because of these flawed assumptions surrounding teenage superheroes that X-23 is such a remarkable success story. She spits in the face of those assumptions that doom many teenage superheroes trying too hard to be another Peter Parker. Yes, she is a teenage girl. No, she is not inept, immature, or whiny. In many respects, she's more mature than some adults. Then again, in a world with Deadpool and Tony Stark, that may not be saying much.

X-23's ability to function as a well-rounded character is just part of what makes her story so compelling. Since taking the mantle of Wolverine, she keeps proving in every possible way that she's worthy of this title. Tom Taylor even spent the first few issues of All-New Wolverine having her fight another secret organization trying to make living weapons. It may as well have been X-23's graduation ceremony. Now, All-New Wolverine Annual #1 acts as X-23's graduation party of sorts.

Like any aspiring hero, there are certain types of conflicts that X-23 must face before she can belong in the same conversations as her predecessor. These conflicts are like initiation rituals at a club. She already passed the ritual that involves getting cloned. All-New Wolverine Annual #1 throws another at her in the form of a classic body-swapping story.

It's not a new idea. Body-swapping stories are the subject of countless superhero stories, sitcoms, and Saturday morning cartoons. Logan, during his illustriously violent life, endured this situation in a few memorable stories, most notably in the pages of Ultimate Spider-Man. These stories aren't as common as clones or time travels, but these days that may actually work to their advantage.

In this case, X-23 swaps bodies with Spider-Gwen, another teenage superhero looking to graduate into higher ranks as well. Taylor's approach to the story is very similar to the one told in Ultimate Spider-Man. There's no elaborate setup. Both characters wake up in different bodies with no clue how it happened. This leads to some confusing, but funny moments.

Cars are damaged. Drum sets are broken. Rock concerts are cut short. It's laughably chaotic. That's to be expected of teenage characters who aren't body-swapped, let alone swapped with someone in an alternate universe. Once the hilarity wears off though, there are a lot of questions that need answering. This is where the slap-stick humor of body-swapping undermines the actual story.

Naturally, X-23 and Spider-Gwen have to find each other and team up to fix this. Even when alternate universes are involved, that's surprisingly easy. It leads to some more standard body-swapping antics. They have to explain to one another how their powers work. They have to adjust their tactics in a fight. It makes for some clumsy action and David Lopez's artwork here does a nice job of depicting that. The problem comes when the source of these body-swapping antics is revealed.

These answers to the burning questions that kick-started the story end up being overly bland. The forces behind this mind-swapping, multi-verse hopping conflict aren't exactly rubbing elbows with Dr. Doom, Thanos, and Mephisto. In fact, the main culprit in this case ends up having such a weak stomach that X-23 and Spider-Gwen don't really have to defeat her. What happens is basically an elaborate misunderstanding combined with misplaced emotions.

While this keeps the tone of the story light-hearted, it makes the impact of the overall story feel somewhat inane. Throughout All-New Wolverine, X-23 regularly deals with forces trying to shoot, stab, eat, or clone her. Along the way, there are various elements, such as the addition of her clone-sister Gabby, to balance the tone with a sense of heart and melodrama. In this case, however, there's nothing to really balance.

Gabby and her pet wolverine don't get to play a role. Spider-Gwen doesn't get to do much other than get caught in the crossfire. X-23 doesn't even get overly mad at being body-swapped. That is somewhat appropriate, given how often she gets shot and attacked in this series. Being body-swapped may actually be a reprieve of sorts, but the story behind it just falls too flat to have an impact.

There is still value in the story overall. All-New Wolverine Annual #1 is a fun, light-hearted narrative that gives X-23 a chance to interact with another aspiring teenage superhero who lives in the shadow of another. Given how Logan crossed over with pretty much every team in the Marvel universe at some point, along with more than his share of alternate versions, it's safe to say that X-23 continues that tradition here.

The story still lacks in some key components, but it still has all the overplayed features we would expect of a body-swapping story. Two characters swap bodies, they fumble around hilariously, and they come together to fix this mess. It's a simple formula and All-New Wolverine Annual #1 sticks to it for the most part. It doesn't try to overachieve beyond its worth. It doesn't lower the bar either. Overall, this issue acts as another step in X-23's evolution as the new Wolverine. So long as she can avoid Clone Sagas and avoid falling in love with redheads, it's safe to say she's on the right track.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

All-New Wolverine Annual #1: Nuff Said!

I give teenagers and teenage clones a lot of shit on this blog. In my defense, they earn most of it. Comics use clones the same way most people use light beer. It's a shitty substitute that barely works and tastes like expired milk mixed with horse semen. X-23 is and has been the lone exception for many years. She proves that it is possible for a character to be a clone, be awesome, and carry on an equally awesome legacy. She's the exact opposite of Hope fucking Summers.

Now, she has a clone as well in Gabby and she looks to be the second exception. She's cute. She's lovable. She also has an adorable pet wolverine named Jonathan. Add a talking cricket to the story and you've got yourself a Disney movie classic right there. Tom Taylor has helped make All-New Wolverine one of the most enjoyable books outside a Pixar movie. Now, with All-New Wolverine Annual #1, he looks to supplement that cute, adorable awesome with Spider-Gwen. Like Jack and Coke, it's one of those combinations that seems destined for awesome.

It all begins so innocently. Gabby is lounging around in bunny pajamas. She's putting a mask on Jonathan the Wolverine. It's every bit as adorable as it sounds. If you're pre-pubescent girl, you'd break all the glass in a 20-foot radius with your squeeing. It's just that cute.

Then, there's a blinding flash in the other room. Sometimes that means there's time travelers attacking. Sometimes that means aliens are attacking. It's usually a toss-up. This time, however, it's something a bit less common, at least by Marvel standards. Something hit X-23 before she could stab it and it had the strange effect of swapping her mind with someone else. That someone else doesn't realize they can't fly and jumps out a window, crashing into a car in the process.

It's a lot funnier than it sounds. Gabby is understandably confused, but cut her some slack. She's a kid and a clone. She hasn't even met another version of herself from a dystopian future. By X-men standards, that's the equivalent of not having pubic hair yet.

So who did X-23 swap minds with? Would Marvel dare having her swap minds with Deadpool, Squirrel Girl, or any 13-year-old teenage boy who just discovered internet porn? Actually, they find someone that's just as awesome as all three of those things. The lucky mind in this case belongs to Spider-Gwen, who exists in a world where Peter Parker is the asshat he tries desperately not to be in the comics. For those pitiful souls who don't read Spider-Gwen comics, it's as fun as it sounds.

Unfortunately for Gwen, the mind-swap happens in the middle of a concert. X-23 is now in the body of a young cute blond with spider-powers. I suppose there are worse bodies to end up in. At least she doesn't end up in Blob's body. So she ends up ditching the concert, but she's not Axel Rose so she doesn't cause a riot. She meets up with Gwen's father, who is basically this world's version of Aunt May, minus the sex appeal. To her credit, X-23 manages to avoid confusing the shit out of him. As a parent, a daughter saying she's in someone else's body usually means losing your cell phone and spending every morning with a high school guidance counselor for the rest of the year. The horror.

There's plenty of confusion to go around and X-23 isn't in a position to find them. She doesn't even know that this world's Captain America is a black woman. Then, a UFO lands in the backyard. In Spider-Gwen's universe, that's about as shocking Iceman being straight. Except this UFO doesn't have aliens looking to turn cute blondes into weapons. It contains Reed Richards, who also happens to be a black guy in this world. I'll give all the closeted racists a moment to go complain about it on message boards.

Still with me? Good and thanks for not being racist. Reed, despite having to be more cautious when he buys Skittles, is every bit as smart in this world as he is in X-23's world. That means he detected the anomaly that swapped their bodies. He's even smart enough to be tactful in not revealing to Gwen's father that her daughter's body is now possessed by a girl with a nasty habit of stabbing shit. He also lets her take a trip back to X-23's universe, courtesy of his sweet-ass UFO. Even racists have to agree that's pretty nice of him.

Meanwhile, Spider-Gwen is still pretty damn confused about being in the body of another teenage girl, who also happens to live in an apartment with a pet wolverine and a clone of herself. Then again, this is the same girl who hallucinates seeing Spider-Ham so maybe her confusion is relative. That hallucination even adapts, becoming Wolver-Hampton. I know hallucinations are supposed to be unhealthy, but this is oddly logical.

Every bit of this is as cartoonish as it sounds. The undertone here is almost on par with a Looney Toons rerun. It's fun and goofy, but not much more than that. The non-stoner crowd may not appreciate scenes with Gabby in her bunny pajamas or Wolver-Hampton staring down Jonathan the Wolverine, but then again the non-stoner crowd tends to be boring as fuck to begin with.

There isn't much chance for more cartoonish fun between a body-displaced Spider-Gwen and Gabby in her bunny pajamas. An equally body-displaced X-23 shows up and they start investigating this shit in a way that's only somewhat more elaborate than a Scooby Doo rerun. It basically amounts to X-23 being in her room, someone shooting her through the window from a building across the street, and then letting the body-swapping antics follow suit. That means whoever did this thought it was a good idea to shoot X-23 from a distance and hope she wouldn't heal. That also means they're only slightly dumber than a typical Scooby Doo villain.

X-23 and Spider-Gwen trace the attack. Along the way, we get more funny body-swapping, namely X-23 finding out that having spider strength can be a real pain in the ass and a boon to door repairmen. Spider-Gwen also learns how to use X-23's tracking senses to follow the trail of the asshole that shot her. She also learns a thing or two about X-23's durability and why wouldn't sharing that with a reckless teenager be a good idea?

It's all wonderfully pragmatic, but it also feels like a missed opportunity. There are so many fart jokes that can come from a girl who suddenly gains heightened senses, but Tom Taylor doesn't go that low. This isn't a Family Guy rerun. It's a serious crossover between X-23 and Spider-Gwen, one that involves bunny pajamas, pet wolverines, and pig hallucinations. So yeah, it's that serious.

Thanks to Spider-Gwen using X-23's enhanced senses and filtering out the farts, they uncover a secret underground lab in the fucking Bronx. Not going to lie. The idea that there are secret underground labs in the Bronx isn't all that shocking. In fact, I'd be more surprised if there weren't hidden labs in the Bronx. It would explain some of the crazy shit the homeless guys describe.

They enter the lab and, as one might expect of most places in the Bronx, they get attacked. It makes for some chaotic, but appropriate moment. X-23 learns how a spider sense works and forgets that she's not the one with the healing factor anymore. They also encounter the crazy asshole behind this hidden Bronx lab. It's the Red Hornet and how do I know he's crazy? Two cute girls stumble into his lab and he's pissed off about it. There has to be some kind of craziness involved there.

A brief, but intense battle ensues. Red Hornet attacks these cute girls with tools far more effective than most psycho-killers in a slasher movie. It gives X-23 and Spider-Gwen a second crack at using their body-swapped powers. This time, they're slightly better at it. They're not exactly experts. Hugh Jackman and Toby McGuire's legacies are safe in that respect. At the very least, it makes the fight more balanced. If Red Hornet attacked X-23 in her own body, the fight would be over pretty damn quickly. She has a pet wolverine for crying out loud. How do you measure up against that?

The fight is well-organized, at least at first. It only goes to shit when Spider-Gwen tries to pop X-23's claws and fucks up in a way that's not nearly as hilarious as it sounds. It turns out, she thinks these claws are the size of tooth-picks or something like that because she holds her hands close to head when she pops them. When she does, she ends up stabbing herself right in the fucking head. It's brutal. It's gruesome. It's not that funny, but it's still kind of funny in a way that makes most sane people feel dirty.

Then again, it does end the fight, albeit indirectly. It turns out that seeing a girl stab herself with claws is too disturbing for the Red Hornet. That's when we find out that this Red Hornet isn't a man. It's a young woman with an overly weak stomach. That's right. This battle ends because the asshole in question has a weak stomach. That's like Rocky Balboa forfeiting a boxing match against Apollo Creed because he stubbed his pinkie toe.

What happens next ditches the humor and decides to resort to "fuck it" tactics to complete the story. Apparently, this woman is the original Hornet's daughter and as it just so happens, he's one of the many, many people Logan killed before he took his final adamantium bath. Naturally, she's pissed about this, but her weak stomach and functioning brain won't let her kill X-23 for revenge. So she wants to just "send her away" instead. That's like fighting Hydra by sending them a letter telling them to fuck off.

It's as shallow and crude as it sounds. It really takes away from the intensity of the earlier battle. The whole mind-swapped shit was just an elaborate mistake because some girl tried to find another way to get rid of Wolverine's influence. Seriously though, Logan is dead and X-23 is stuck dating a time-displaced Angel. I think she's being punished enough. There's really nothing that appealing about Red Hornet's methods or backstory. It's just an elaborate clusterfuck that ends up making her too sick to see through.

In finding out she fucked up, she doesn't bother fighting anymore. She doesn't even bother getting pissed at X-23 for being the clone daughter of the man who killed her father. She just shrugs her shoulders, activates the same machine she used before, and reverses the body-swap. Apparently, it was just that easy to fix and it's every bit as unsatisfying. There's no real drama too it. There's no real tension to it. This girl just saw Spider-Gwen stab herself accidentally in X-23's body and that's enough to make her feel bad about this shit.

Now I admit that when I'm high, I tend to be a little more forgiving. Hell, with the right weed, someone could break my arm and I'd mistake it for a hug. So for Red Hornet to just shrug this shit off and undo everything so quickly just feels rushed. It's as though she's just trying to unsend an embarrassing email that doesn't even have any topless pictures of her. For a crossover story with X-23 and Spider-Gwen, the stakes are pretty damn low and the effects are pretty damn shallow.

Once all is said and done, X-23 shrugs it off as well. She doesn't even get mad at Red Hornet. To be fair, being body-swapped is probably the least torturous thing she's endured lately. Remember, she's dating O5 Angel and on a team with O5 Beast. She knows torture. Red Hornet leaves her behind as one of the most forgettable villains she didn't stab to death. She then ends up back in her apartment with Gabby and Jonathan the Wolverine. So all in all, it's a pretty slow night by X-23's standards.

So...is it awesome?

Well, it has all the ingredients to be a special kind of awesome. X-23? Check. Gabby? Check. Jonathan the actual wolverine? Check. Spider-Gwen? Check. A black Reed Richards that'll piss off racist fans on message boards? Check. There are so many ways to make this shit work. It definitely has its moments. It's classic superhero slapstick, but not at its best. The lack of action, the lack of stabbing, and the lack of a satisfying resolution just doesn't come close to the high bar that Tom Taylor sets for this book.

That said, Gabby is still adorable. Jonathan the Wolverine looks great in his new mask. Spider-Gwen is still 10 times more fun than Peter Parker, no matter what body she's in. Also, X-23 can now say she's honored Logan's memory in another way by surviving a body-swapping story. That's an accomplishment in some respects, but that's basically the most this story accomplishes. For all the other awesome shit this series has inspired, it's a let-down. Even so, a let-down in a Wolverine comic is a billion times more fun than the best comic about the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

All-New Wolverine #11: Nuff Said!

We all have awkward encounters at some point in our lives. Sometimes we have them with people we try desperately to avoid. Like explaining to a New Jersey traffic cop why you're drunk and your pants are missing, it's rarely a memorable experience for the right reasons, even if it can be pretty damn hilarious.

There's nothing funny about the encounter between X-23 and Old Man Logan though. We all knew their paths were going to cross at some point. Tom Taylor doesn't even try to hide it in All-New Wolverine. He just waits until the shittiest possible time during Civil War II when heroes are killing their friends, injustice is treated as justice, and people have horrifying visions of a naked Hulk. For X-23, however, a naked Hulk is only the second most horrifying vision. The one that is most pressing in All-New Wolverine #11 involves Old Man Logan killing Gabby. It has terrifying implications, but I still contend it's less terrifying than a naked Hulk.

You know what also has terrifying implications? Sending a bunch of armed government types to tell Old Man Logan to surrender himself. Seriously, who the fuck still thinks this is a good idea? Really, what the fuck are they smoking to think that armed government types put ANY version of Wolverine in a cooperative mood? Seriously.

To SHIELD's credit, they do send Captain America, one of Wolverine's old war buddies. So whatever they're smoking, they stopped at one joint I guess. They suspect Old Man Logan is about to kill Gabby. I still say giving him a case of whiskey and a box full of Japanese porn will keep him this from happening, they just have to come in with guns. I guess that's all SHIELD knows how to do these days. Since X-23 did so much to help SHIELD recently, including flying a jet pack naked, I guess they think they owe her. Someone still needs to tell them that an old, cranky version of Wolverine is still not going to respond kindly to government types.

They manage to avoid a typical Wolverine-fueled blood bath and stab-fest, thanks largely to Captain America's presence and Maria Hill barking orders. X-23 allows Captain America into her apartment so they can chat before they start stabbing shit. That's when Gabby shows up and she helps break the tension with her undeniable cuteness. That, and she has a pet wolverine. I dare anyone to create anything more adorable.

It helps that Captain America is also nice to Gabby's pet wolverine. That immediately wins him some points in my book. It wins points with Gabby too, who is like an adorable little fangirl geeking out in the presence of her hero. It helps ease the tension somewhat. In a situation with a lot of armed guards and no whiskey, that's pretty damn important.

Things get tense pretty fucking fast though. Captain America tells Old Man Logan that a vision from Ulysses reveals he's going to kill a lot of people. Before he can roll his eyes and say, "No shit, dumbass! I don't need some racist xenophobic slave-owner to tell me that shit!" X-23 steps in and questions their approach. It's one thing to follow up on a vision from Ulysses. It's quite another to show up with armed guards trying to subdue a version of Wolverine that's old, cranky, and easily pissed off.

Even so, Gabby is involved and that's kind of a big deal in Old Man Logan's eyes. He's not going to get too stabby around her, her pet wolverine, or X-23. So he says he'll go along with them and give these armed government types a chance to do something right. Try and read that sentence again without laughing. I swear it's not possible in this universe.

Naturally, X-23 suspects that Old Man Logan knows how ridiculous that idea is. She assumes Old Man Logan isn't going to go with any government types unless it involves a lot of stabbing. She doesn't like the idea of government types attacking her dimensionally-displaced father either. Having already lost one version of Logan, she's not eager to lose another. That means she's willing to fight Captain freakin' America to stop it. Yes, she's willing to fight the government's top gun to avoid SHIELD's bullshit. Any version of Logan would be so proud of her.

This leads to a beautifully rendered, nicely detailed fight between Captain America and X-23. It's a uniquely satisfying fight because Captain America and Logan fought on more than one occasion. They may be war buddies, but it doesn't take much for them to get at each other's throats and not just because certain Canadian beers are inherently superior to American beers. Captain America and Wolverine function on a very different level so of course they're going to fight.

This is no exception. In this case, X-23 just battles Captain America to give Gabby and Old Man Logan time to escape. Even Jonathan the Wolverine gets in on the action. He actually bites a SHIELD agent. That alone makes him the pet of the year in my opinion. At the rate he's going, he'll deserves his own Pixar movie by the end of the year.

So how does a grumpy old man and an adorable little girl escape armed government thugs? The awesome way, of course. That means they use jet packs and blow a hole in the wall. I'm pretty sure that's how Chuck Norris chooses to leave every room. They even blow past some of the neighbors as well, adding some nice humor to along with the serious crime of running from SHIELD and Captain America. X-23 doesn't have a jet pack of her own, but she does steal a gun from a SHIELD agent and uses it to hit Captain America with a tranquilizer. It's like pissing on the Statue of Liberty for some heroes. For X-23, it's protecting her sister and displaced grandfather. It's a powerful and satisfying moment.

After hitting Captain America with enough tranquilizer darts to give Ozzy Osborn a mild buzz, X-23 confronts him. X-23 isn't quite as eager to stab him as most enemies so that gives Cap a chance to share some details of Ulysses' vision that may have been useful before. He claims that the vision is pretty damn specific. Old Man Logan flat out stabs Gabby. He even says jet packs were in the prediction because he's that fucking specific. Imagine what this guy could do in fantasy football. It's enough to give X-23 mild pause, if only because it'll be devastating to Gabby's pet wolverine.

Jet packs are awesome. Escaping with them is pretty fucking badass. That's objectively true. However, jet packs have their limits, especially when the enemies have a fleet of fucking helicarriers at their disposal. This is where Maria Hill finally contributes. She manages to use one of the Hellicarriers to shoot them both down over Central Park. It's effective in slowing them down. It also gives Old Man Logan all the more reason to stab shit and that's just pouring gasoline on an open fire. I don't know if that's in Ulysses' vision too, but even he probably understands how fucking retarded that is.

More SHIELD agents arrive. They still have guns and they still want to subdue Old Man Logan. Again, when has this EVER been an effective method of dealing with Logan? When has sending armed government types to shoot him EVER not led to a terrible bloody mess? SHIELD can afford helicarriers. Surely they can afford to answer a question like this.

It gets ugly real fast, even as Captain America and X-23 catch up. They pump Old Man Logan with so many tranquilizers that they could down an 80s hair metal band. Eventually, X-23 and Cap get them to stop, if only to limit the stabbing damage. Gabby even tries to calm things down, as only an adorable little girl can. Then, it fucking happens.

Yeah, I'm sure even Ulysses threw up a little when he saw this. It's the kind of emotional gut punch that you thought they were avoiding. Instead, we get this. Old Man Logan stabs Gabby and not because of asshole SHIELD agents either. It's a moment that hits you in ways only reserved for bag hangovers and tax audits. It's a moment that turns this issue from a simple run-of-the-mill tie-in to something pretty fucking epic. Now excuse me. I need to drink heavily and cry a little.

So...is it awesome?

Let me just look at that final page for another minute or two before I answer. Okay, I'm back. I can now say it definitively. Holy hellfire in a hobo's asshole, yes! Tom Taylor delivers the comic book equivalent of a gut punch and a blowjob in a single book. We've spent the last few issues falling in love with Gabby, enjoying every cute little quirk about her and X-23. Now, Civil War II enters the picture and we get this. Fuck me with a bag of dildos, it's powerful. It's whiskey mixed with gasoline powerful, but in the best possible way. Even if you think Civil War II sucks elephant balls, All-New Wolverine #11 will leave a dent in your soul. If not, you're dead inside.

Final Score: 9 out of 10

All-New Wolverine #10: Nuff Said!

Being Wolverine requires many specific, albeit fucked up, skill sets. It's not enough to survive being a meat puppet, stabbing anything that tries to turn you into a meat puppet, and thinking you're tough enough to fight the Hulk. Anyone with a sufficient amount of hard liquor and crystal meth in their system can be savage. You also need to endure tough, awkward situations and not just those that involve wanting to bone married women.

X-23 is learning this the hard way, which also happens to be the awesome way. Tom Taylor doesn't just have X-23 developing those skills in All-New Wolverine. He shows her thriving, as only someone worthy of the Wolverine title can. He didn't go easy on her either. This series began with her confronting a team of evil clones. Well, in All-New Wolverine #10 he has her confronting an AU version of Wolverine. It's basically the Wolverine equivalent of a mid-term and unlike those of us who flunked calculus, I'd say X-23 is more than prepared for this latest test.

There's just one minor complication that might affect her grade and no, it's not because some asshole from English class slipped laxatives into her coffee. This fateful meeting between X-23 and Old Man Logan happens to be taking place during Civil War II, an event where everyone is learning the hard way that the future will fuck you over in way too many ways, not all of which involve Thanos.

Ulysses, the Inhuman at the center of it all, loves to have visions of terrifying futures that involve a naked Hulk. Other than revealing disturbing shit about his porno stash, one of those visions involves an enraged Old Man Logan and a terrified X-23. If Ulysses' past visions are any indication, it has nothing to do with Old Man Logan having to buy tampons for X-23. This is a guy who lives under constant fear of slaughtering his loved ones like he did in his dystopian future. Now, he's meeting with someone who tends to attract slaughter the same way NBA players attract Kardashians. It may be an overdue encounter, but it's like putting matches and gasoline in the same room.

At the very least, Old Man Logan's first encounter with X-23 doesn't start with any bloodshed or violence. Instead, it starts with an adorable girl and her pet wolverine. No, that's not dirty joke about female anatomy. She's a kid, remember? She also happens to have a pet wolverine named Jonathan. It's even more adorable than it sounds.

It feels like a moment right out of a Disney movie, a grumpy old man waking up to an adorable girl and her adorable pet. It's like Up if it were directed by Quintin Tarantino. The script must have been written by EL James because Old Man Logan is tied up when he awakens. Granted, this is usually not a good idea for any version of Wolverine, but he did just spend some time in the stomach of Fing Fang Foom so he's bound to be a little grumpy. When there's a cute kid and a cute animal in the house, I honestly can't blame X-23 for restraining him. Pretty sure my old college roommates would do the same to me if we ever ran out of coffee and whiskey on a Monday morning.

Once Old Man Logan accepts that someone didn't inject a bucket of LSD into his veins while he was out, X-23 finally enters. It's a meeting we've all been waiting for. Sure, they crossed paths in the last issue, but that was in the stomach of a dragon and that shit only ended with X-23 flying around naked in a jet pack. Not exactly a good way to build a connection between someone and their dystopian AU counterpart.

It's not all that dramatic at first and honestly, it's hard to make it dramatic. When your first meeting happened in the stomach of a fucking dragon, that kind of kills the drama. It's hard to be in a very loving, understanding mood after that shit. At the very least, X-23 explains to Old Man Logan why they have a pet wolverine, an adorable girl, and a tied up old man. Not saying it's a good explanation. Just saying it's not devoid of logic.

It's awkward. It's tense. It's a fucked up situation and there's no whiskey available to make it easier. So what can break the ice? What can make this meeting between X-23 and a dystopian AU version of the man she saw as her father less awkward?

Tom Taylor has a plan. Granted, it's kind of a fucked up plan, but in a hilariously logical sort of way. Just as X-23 unties Old Man Logan, a couple of burglars drop in. That's right. A couple of burglars break into X-23's apartment, in broad fucking daylight, at a time when there's a little girl, a pet wolverine, and a pissed off Logan from a shitty future at home. Either these burglars are the dumbest burglars outside a Home Alone movie or the unluckiest.

Needless to say, X-23 and Old Man Logan find this fucking hilarious. They actually start laughing. Yes, Old Man Logan actually laughs and it's not nearly as creepy as it sounds. Even coming from a fucked up dystopian world doesn't make this any less hilarious. It's a great way to break the ice, lighten the mood, and vent frustrations after having spent an afternoon in Fing Fang Foom's intestinal track. Yeah, it sucks for the burglars, but never in history has a crime been so therapeutic.

It only stops being funny when the burglars, still not knowing just how fucked they are, decide to fuck themselves even more. One of them, who would probably wave his dick in Mephisto's face on a five dollar bet, decides to shoot Jonathan the wolverine. I'm not an animal lover and I think PETA folks are fucking crazy, but even I found this horrifying. These motherfuckers just shot Jonathan, an adorably deranged animal, in a comic book from a subsidiary of Disney. That alone makes them deserving of no less than 50 stab wounds.

Naturally, X-23 and Old Man Logan are pissed. They can handle being in the stomach of a dragon, but shoot an innocent animal who happens to be the pet of an adorable girl and the gloves are off, motherfucker. It's not a fair fight to say the least. Hell, one of the burglars gets his face fucked up by Gabby, the adorable little girl who just saw her adorable pet get shot. Anytime an adorable little girl kicks a certain level of ass, it's a beautiful thing. Fox and Disney lawyers alike would even agree with that. It ensures that this is a quick, fairly smooth fight, but it still feels pretty damn epic in light of what happens to Jonathan the wolverine.

Not gonna lie, my heart skipped a beat at the thought of this being Jonathan's demise. At least he gets a more heroic death than Cyclops ever got.

Much to my relief, and that of everyone traumatized by Bambi as a kid, Jonathan is fine. The burglars still get their asses kicked in the most satisfying way possible that doesn't involve a fishing hook. It marks the first true team-up between X-23 and Old Man Logan that didn't involve them both getting stuck in a dragon's stomach. Given the stakes and the adorable animal involved, I'd say it's a success.

The fact that Jonathan the wolverine survives makes it a complete success. It leads to a truly heartwarming moment between Gabby and her adorable pet wolverine. Sure, she's a clone of a clone of a living weapon, but there's no denying the cuteness of this moment. Disney may have an agenda against the X-men these days, but that doesn't mean they can't appreciate this style of cuteness.

While Gabby tends to her pet wolverine, as only an adorable clone of a killer clone can, X-23 and Old Man Logan finally sit down to have a conversation. They just fucked up some dumb-ass burglars and spent time in a dragon's stomach. They have no excuses for shit being awkward at this point.

The conversation is somewhat inane at first, mainly because of X-23's lack of hard liquor in her apartment. She's still a fucking teenager last I checked and she does make it a point to let him know. However, Old Man Logan does manage to have a meaningful exchange without the aid of hard liquor. Yeah, I'm just as impressed.

In that exchange, he reveals that he knew X-23 was living here. She was even part of his life in his fucked up dystopian universe. However, that's exactly the reason why he avoided her. By his logic, he's throwing a flaming bag of dog shit at karma by getting involved with her. He claims she's one of the few things he got right in his world. Given that he comes from a world where he kills everyone else while the villains take a shit on their graves, that's quite a statement that has quite a few implications.

Some of those implications involve Gabby. This is where shit gets tense again because X-23 makes clear that she's not getting Gabby caught up in any more shit storms. She already has a pet wolverine and grew up in a mini-Weapon X lab. She's been through enough and deserves a chance at a normal life, albeit as normal as any life can be with a pet wolverine. It's the first real moment of tension that doesn't involve an innocent animal getting shot.

That moment once again gets interrupted, this time by something a lot less hilarious than a couple of dipshit burglars who think robbing X-23's apartment is a good idea. This time, it's SHIELD, who are slightly more capable than a couple of burglars. Given that they're partially responsible for them ending up in Fing Fang Foom's stomach, I imagine neither of them is eager to cross paths with Maria Hill, SHIELD, or anyone claiming to work for the government for the next several decades. I imagine Maria Hill isn't too fond of the idea either. She has to know on some levels that sending government agents armed with guns to subdue any version of Wolverine, clone or otherwise, is not going to end well.

In Maria Hill's defense, something that's hard to say these days, she has a damn good reason for attacking Old Man Logan again. Remember that vision Ulysses had earlier? Well, according to the fine print, Old Man Logan is going to kill Gabby. Given that these same visions have been uncomfortably accurate at predicting other shit storms, it puts X-23 in a very difficult position. It also puts Old Man Logan in the exact position he's been trying to avoid since Secret Wars. It's the worst kind of drama for them, but combining this with a cute girl and a pet wolverine, and the end result is wonderfully satisfying.

So...is it awesome?

Other than the trauma of Jonathan the Wolverine getting shot, I say there's a fuckton of awesome that is wholly consistent with the quality that Tom Taylor has established with All-New Wolverine. This is an encounter we all knew was coming, X-23 meeting up with Old Man Logan. It had to be dramatic. It had to carry some emotion. Taylor understood that and he delivers in All-New Wolverine #10, complete with an adorable girl and her pet Wolverine. He once again proves that Disney is right. Adding adorable animals to anything makes it more endearing. Not saying Jonathan the Wolverine will be the star of a Pixar movie anytime soon. I'm just saying that when any animal becomes lovable and endearing, Disney takes notice and so do I.

Final Score: 9 out of 10