Broken Worlds and Common Threads: Years of Future Past #5

The following is my review of Years of Future Past #5, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

If the success of Walking Dead has taught us anything, it’s that an apocalyptic future brings out the best and worst in people. In addition to making executives at AMC obscenely rich, it reveals a part of human nature that is often muted by the comforts of civilization such as fast food, cheap internet, and Candy Crush. Some people become heroic freedom fighters that get major roles in a Mad Max movie. Some people become deranged dictators fueled by fear, greed, and no fewer than three distinct personality disorders.

Being one of the most famous apocalyptic futures of the past 30 years that doesn’t involve zombies, Days of Future Past set a high bar for stories about human nature in the face of the apocalypse. This is a future that’s one part Terminator and one part The Stand. Mutants aren’t just stigmatized. They’re forced into internment camps and hunted by Sentinels that shoot first and leave due process to morticians. And in Years of Future Past, these same themes carry over. It’s a world where mutants are both interned and hunted. It’s also a world where Dr. Doom is a god so it’s sort of a double apocalypse.

But what makes Years of Future Past a compelling story isn’t the extent of the apocalyptic nature in this world. It’s how the remaining X-men confront it as a family. This is best reflected in Christina and Cameron, the children of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. They spent much of the series following the remnants of the X-men, fighting a conspiracy that would give the post-Apocalyptic government everything they need to use mutants as target practice. And while this struggle has been entertaining, leading to moments that involve giant dragons fighting giant robots, it’s the family drama that has given weight to the conflict.

In Years of Future Past #5, that drama reaches its climactic and tragic peak. The struggle has been built around preventing a plot by President Kelly to turn humans against mutants to such an extreme that anything other than Nazi-style death camps would be akin to French kissing Kim Jong Un. It’s a plot that has led Christy, Cameron, and the X-men through some pretty intense battles, but none are as intense as the one that takes place in this issue. And remarkably, it doesn’t involve a Sentinel or a giant dragon.

In a clear indication that living in an apocalyptic future can be hazardous to someone’s mental health, Cameron breaks under the strain. After spending most of his life with Wolverine, something else that is known to be hazardous to mental health, and fighting this never-ending battle against human hatred, he comes to one inescapable conclusion. Mutants deserve extinction.

While this sounds overly nihilistic, it’s uncomfortably reasonable from the perspective of someone who has spent his life as a moving target for Sentinels. He sees the conflict that mutants like him create and this conflict has left the world in ruin. This isn’t the kind of ruin that politicians warn about when someone accepts same-sex marriage either. This is a full-blown collapse of civilization caused by mutants who couldn’t get along with humans.

It’s a tragic yet powerful turn for a character who, up until this point, had been aiding the X-men in stopping President Kelly’s plot. It’s no longer just a generic oppressed minority vs. tyrannical government type struggle. Instead, it becomes a struggle within a family in addition to a struggle against a tyrannical government. It’s basically Red Dawn meets the Goonies.

Cameron’s betrayal and his fight against Christy and the X-men create the emotional weight that makes this story work. There are still elements more befitting of a traditional apocalyptic struggle. The X-men still battle Sentinels and they still try to stop President Kelly’s plot. This battle is somewhat rushed. It’s not a spectacle on or near the level of Red Dawn, but it gets the job done. It could’ve just ripped off the last three Transformers movies and made it a fight against giant robots, but even with Megan Fox involved, it wouldn’t have gotten the message across.

That message in Years of Future Past is perfectly in line with the themes of the original Days of Future Past. This isn’t a Lord of the Rings movie. This isn’t the kind of conflict where they just take down some big, evil creature and all is right with the world. Saving President Kelly didn’t immediately make everyone hug the nearest mutant. It didn’t make the ruins of civilization any less an eye-sore. It just helped the X-men and mutant kind survive. In an era where Hugh Jackman is hanging up his claws and movie rights are a huge source of conflict, that’s the best they could hope for.

The culmination of the struggle and the drama in Years of Future Past #5 makes it feel like a complete story worthy of being tied to its predecessor. There are still elements in the narrative that are lacking. The resolution of the story, while tragic, doesn’t feel entirely complete. There are some loose ends, but not to an extent that would hinder the story. It still has the impact that a story about a dystopian future should have, especially in the absence of a time machine.

More than anything else, Years of Future Past tried to incorporate a distinct sense of heart into the narrative. While there’s only so much possible in a story featuring dystopian futures and internment camps, the heart conveyed through Colossus, Kitty Pryde, Christy, Cameron, and even Wolverine help make it endearing. Not every story about a dystopian future should have the undertone of a Linkin Park music video. It can have heart along with killer robots and giant dragons. When put together, it can be a potent combination.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #5

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Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #4

Family drama has been the driving force of no less than 80 percent of successful sitcoms. From Father Knows Best to Modern Family, we just can’t get enough of family dramas. It helped Ed O’Neil star in not one, but two successful TV series. And it actually made Rosanne Barr funny for most of the 90s. But beyond shitty sitcoms, family dramas help add heart to otherwise shitty situations. And there aren’t many situations that are shittier than the world of Days of Future Past.

Let’s review the list. Mutant internment camps? Check. A horribly racist government that only the Aryan Brotherhood would approve of? Check. Killer robots hunting down a battered minority? Check. Bryan Singer making a shitty movie out of it? Double check. That’s the world that Dr. Doom recreated when he forged Battleworld during the events of Secret Wars. But the domain of Years of Future Past has set itself apart by focusing less on overly racist politics and more on the family dynamic of Kitty Pryde and Colossus. I guess even Marvel understands that people are burned out on racist politics at this point so I’m perfectly okay with this.

While these dynamics haven’t always been well-organized, they have helped make Years of Future Past one of the better Secret Wars tie-ins. It’s a series where the struggle against a Nazi-style government is secondary to the family struggles of the mutants trying to end it. Now, with the Rasputin family united in their efforts to overthrow their mutant hating government, they create a team of X-men that’s easy to root for. They’re like the Mighty Ducks meets Schindler’s List. It sounds pretty fucked up on paper, but it works, even with the use of giant dragons. Years of Future Past #4 continues that struggle, but after said giant dragon has failed. And if a racist government can’t be overthrown by dragons, then how can they be beat?

The racists in this world are way more cunning than just wearing goofy robes and making shitty websites. The assholes working under President Kelly’s racist hard-on have been trying to get video footage that they can doctor enough to make mutants scary as shit. They think they have just that after the shit storm the X-men kicked up in Centrum, which the last mutant haven. The fact that it was in a fucking sewer should tell you something. It’s still going to need some heavy Photoshopping, but I don’t doubt for a second that these assholes can make it look like a conspiracy. Just ask Planned Parenthood how effective that shit can be.

These racist assholes get away, but the rest of the X-men still get a nice reunion out of it. Wolverine and the others reunite with Storm, which is always good for a few feels. They even get Mystique to help out. In a world full of anti-mutant racists, she doesn’t have the luxury of being an asshole to the X-men nearly as much. On top of that, the X-men do have some semblance of a plan that involves more than just not getting killed by Sentinels.

A big part of that plan involved sending Christina and Cameron Pryde to the last mutant internment camp in hopes of rallying more support to fight President Kelly’s racist douche-baggery. It’s a perfectly reasonable tactic. The only problem is that she finds out that even racist assholes can turn their enemies against one another. That includes the old Brotherhood of Mutants, who somehow decided that working with the assholes who hate them is better than fighting an enemy with killer robots. Yes, it makes them traitors, but who can blame them for not wanting to fight enemies with killer robots?

For those who aren’t as inclined to sell out their own species, they rally around Christy and Cameron. They fight the racist soldiers and the Brotherhood who were dumb enough to help them. It’s not as epic as a giant dragon fighting a Sentinel, but it’s still pretty damn visceral. It’s more personal, complete with Kate Pryde coming in and lending a hand. Sure, it leads to Avalanche getting maimed like sexy cheerleaders in a slasher movie, but it nicely demonstrates a mother’s dedication to her daughter. It also shows that making deals with racist assholes tends not to end badly. It’s still satisfying as fuck, but it sucks to be the Brotherhood.

Despite the maiming and inspiration offered by the Pryde family, the mutants in this interment camp are still obscenely overmatched. They’re prisoners. They’re not John McClane. They can’t shoot down helicopters with cop cars. So after roughing up some of the guards, Destiny calls in some backup and now the mutants are staring down an army of racist soldiers who I doubt have any problems using mutants as target practice. And since all these mutants have power-suppressing collars on, it’s not like one of them has the ability to turn bullets into horse piss.

However, as much fun as seeing bullets turn into horse piss might be, it’s an ability they don’t need. The rest of the X-men show up just in time and they bring something that makes every racist redneck’s dick shrivel. Remember that Sentinel that had been the centerpiece at Centrum? Well, Magneto and the rest of the X-men decided it was a shitty centerpiece to begin with. Now, it’s racist-crushing killer robot that saves mutant prisoners. No matter how racist these guys might be, they’re not racist enough to fight through a killer robot piloted by Magneto. They run while the mutants escape, probably shitting themselves in the process. It’s a very satisfying moment, although I still think bullets turning to horse piss would’ve been just as satisfying.

The fight is over quickly, as it should be in this case. The guards leave, Nightcrawler leads the mutant prisoners to sanctuary, and the rest of the X-men meet up with Christina and Cameron. There’s a nice moment where they show their share of restlessness, having lost some mutants in the battle. But they’re not just channeling their inner Spartacus here. They still have a plan. They still need to stop the assassination attempt on President Kelly that his people are working so hard to pin on mutants. And that might not be a problem that giant dragons or killer robots can solve.

It’s a pretty basic concept and one that fits perfectly within the context of Days of Futures Past. If the rest of the story were spent having the X-men fight to save President Kelly and rub it in his face after, I don’t think anybody would be that disappointed, especially if they saw the shitty movie based on the story. However, that’s not the path this story takes. Instead, it throws a really fucked up twist into the mix that makes the concept of Days of Futures Past even more awesome. I know that sounds like I took one too many bong hits, but I swear it’s true.

It comes in the form of a very unpleasant revelation that Cameron uncovers when he takes a closer look at this Sentinel that the X-men hijacked. He finds out that Magneto tweaked the X-men’s plans, as he’s often inclined to do. Instead of just saving President Kelly from assassination, he’s set it up so that Christina dies saving him. And keep in mind, this is a girl who calls him her uncle and who he’s helped raise. Yet he’s willing to let her die so she can be a martyr for mutant-kind. While I do understand his strategy, it is still a dick move on a level that only Magneto can achieve. It shouldn’t surprise anybody that, even in an alternate universe, Magneto finds a way to be an asshole.

Naturally, Kate Pryde and the rest of the X-men aren’t a fan of this plan. Their first instinct is to martyr Magneto where he stands. But being Magneto, he neither goes down quietly nor does he apologize. In the process, there’s a very intense exchange with Christina. He still claims that he loves her as much as the rest of the X-men. However, it’s because she’s so loved and so pure of heart that she has to die. She’s the only one who is a worthy martyr. That’s like telling a pig it’s the only one worthy of becoming bacon. Sincere or not, Magneto still comes off as an omega level dick.

Christina is forced to run while Wolverine and Kate get left behind. Since Magneto is still the one with the killer robot on his side, she’s grossly overmatched. It could’ve been a quick and nasty fight, but just like before she gets a last-minute save. This time, it comes from the guy she just found out was her brother. Having been raised mostly by Wolverine, he’s more than willing to end Magneto where he stands. And since he doesn’t have adamantium bones, Magneto can’t do shit about it.

While Cameron taking down Magneto is pretty satisfying after the shit he just pulled, it ends up making for a very awkward reunion. Even though he tried to kill her, Magneto was still her uncle. So when Cameron channels his inner Wolverine, she’s not happy about it. This isn’t a matter of an annoying older brother hiding his sister’s tampons. This is him killing her uncle. It creates an intense, powerful moment that adds even more dramatic weight to this clash.

That dramatic weight gets even heavier when the conflict takes another twist. Usually when a comic takes this many twists, it’s trying way too fucking hard to rip off the Usual Suspects. It tends to get messy, chaotic, and confusing to a point where it’s hard to read sober. But that doesn’t happen here. Instead, Cameron does something that puts him at odds with way more than his sister.

As Christy is hulking out on him, he starts questioning whether the mutant race is worth saving. Now on the surface, this sounds like the kind of fatalistic shit that only Kurt Cobain would understand. However, he actually makes a valid point and he does it without the aid of heroin. He says that mutant conflicts have triggered wars and conflicts that have basically obliterated all the progress that civilization has made. And by fighting these conflicts, they’re screwing themselves and humans out of a future. The fucked up part is he’s not entirely wrong and even a sober mind would agree on some level. He thinks this dystopian world that mutants live in isn’t a struggle. It’s natural selection and they should stop fighting it.

Naturally, Christy disagrees and not in the immature brat way that most teenage girls disagree in. She starts lashing out at Cameron as though he replaced her shampoo with bull semen. She makes it clear that she doesn’t agree with his dour assumptions about human/mutant conflict. His solution? He’s going to be the one that kills President Kelly. I’ll give everyone a moment to catch their breath after that. I don’t think I need any more jokes or bong hits to describe the impact of this moment. I’ll just save myself the extra line of blow and let the moment speak for itself.

Even with the aid of my best weed, I can’t overstate the dramatic impact of this story. This series has taken a step beyond just pitting giant dragons against killer robots. It actually dared to do more than any Transformer movie ever dared. It threw in the kind of dramatic twist that’ll break hearts, bust balls, and blow minds. That’s the trifecta of awesome if ever there was one. I almost had to sober up to process it fully, but thankfully it wasn’t necessary. I can say while still high off my tits that this story has entered a new level of awesome.

This isn’t just a typical sibling clash like the one we’ve seen in every Married With Children rerun ever. Both siblings have endured very different experiences. Now, after being betrayed by someone they trusted, they don’t share the same vision for the future anymore. One thinks they’re doing more harm than good. One is willing to take a chance, even if it means confronting asshole racists. It heats up the emotions to levels that would cause a typical hot pocket to catch fire. This after another killer robot attack is just bacon-flavored icing on the cake.

Years of Future Past is doing way more than explore yet another dystopian future that would make George Orwell proud. There’s heart, drama, and betrayal thrown into the mix to help make it exceedingly awesome. I give Years of Future Past #4 a 9 out of 10. It’s inevitable. Siblings are going to one to kill each other at some point. But in an apocalyptic future on a world where Dr. Doom is god, it can lead to a lot more than awkward holidays. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #3

We live in an era where people love to bitch and moan about a story being done and redone to the point of absurdity. There’s now an entire population of douche-bag hipster types who make it their sole mission in life to whine about how there are no original ideas anymore. And for some reason, they have to do it in coffee shops where they insist on taking forever just to decide they want a fucking latte. I admit there are times when remakes and reboots annoy the shit out of me, but I don’t reject the concept outright. It doesn’t matter to me whether something is a remake or a reboot of a story that has been told since the days of Plato making poop jokes. All I care about is whether or not it’s awesome.

An apocalyptic future with killer robots is about as original as a talking cartoon dog. But like bacon and whiskey, there are so many ways to make it awesome. Days of Future Past is right up there with the original Terminator movie as the story that got this concept right. Years of Future Past could’ve taken a piss all over it, but instead it just added more bacon bits to the mix. Within the context of Secret Wars, it’s created an engaging and refined narrative that we hoped to see in the Matrix sequels, but never got. How could it be even more engaging? How about adding a giant fucking dragon to the mix? No, I’m not talking about Game of Thrones. I’m talking about Years of Future Past #3. It has less tits and amputations, but it still has a big fucking dragon in it.

That big fucking dragon has a name too, Lockheed. And up to this point, he’s been the bouncer for Centrum, the last mutant refuge. Well now he has to be less a bouncer and more a John McClane style enforcer. Kate does reveal that he got fucked up by Sentinels before so he has even more motivation to return the favor. That motivation definitely shows in the first wave of attacks. The Doom Sentinels might as well be flying chocolate bars. They’re glorified snacks, minus the processed sugar. It makes for a pretty brutal battle and one that Storm makes flashier when she enters the picture. This keeps the Doom Sentinels occupied while Centrum is evacuated. It’s good strategy. A giant fucking dragon is as good a cover as anyone can get without making a couple of grizzly bears hump in the middle of the road.

It’s a pretty brutal battle, but one that goes to shit way too quickly. One of the Doom Sentinels gets a cheap shot on Lockheed and the battle ends in a decidedly unsatisfying way. It would be like Rocky Balboa getting knocked out in the first round by Apollo Creed. For a big fucking dragon, that’s pretty disappointing. But in Lockheed’s defeat, we get a big fucking revelation that has way more impact than a big fucking dragon, albeit not nearly as awesome.

When shit starts crashing down, Cameron gets caught in the chaos. Kate Pryde saves him, as any X-men is inclined to do, but she reveals something major in the process. Cameron is her son. I’ll give everyone a moment to sober up and check their brains to make sure they haven’t had an aneurism. Take as many cold showers as you want. It’s still true. Cameron is Kate Pryde’s son. Now don’t start making some overly pornographic assumptions that Kate bumped uglies with Wolverine, who Cameron has been Cameron’s de-facto father at this point. It’s made clear that he’s still Colossus’ kid. That keeps Wolverine from becoming excessively creepy, but it still makes for the least satisfying twist since the Seinfeld finale.

It’s not just that there were some hints that Christy and Cameron might have the urge to make another Joffrey Baratheon. It’s the implication that Kate and Colossus basically ditched one of their kids and left him with Wolverine of all people. Seriously, this is a guy who has murdering his own son on his resume and a guy who tends to attract the Sabretooths of the world. It would be one thing if they were just shitty parents, but they kept Christy. So this twist feels less like a twist and more like several shots of tequila with a WTF chaser.

It gets understandably awkward real fucking fast. It also gets chaotic, but not in a very understandable way. We see no more dragons fighting killer robots. Instead, we see the team just separating Scooby Doo style because I guess these people never saw a standard slasher movie. And for some reason, Kate Pryde opts to have Cameron and Christy as part of her group. That’s like Bruce Willis going on a scavenger hunt with Ashton Kutcher. Not only that, it derails the whole dragon-fighting-robot plot that had so much appeal.

They eventually make it to a church since I guess they never saw other horror movies like the Exorcist either. Inside, they meet up with Nightcrawler, which is a nice touch. He’s the kind of guy who can temper the effects of bad WTF. And since this is a world where Doom is a god, his role as a priest is that much more interesting. Hell, if Doom was a god, the bible would be a much more interesting book. It has all sorts of interesting implications. But like a dragon fighting a robot, we are denied once more.

Instead, we get a respectable effort by Kate Pryde to explain why she never told Cameron and Chrissy they were siblings, risking Game of Thrones style incest in the process. It’s not wholly unreasonable. Cameron was born before she and most other mutants got sent to internment camps. When Kate and Colossus got captured, Wolverine escaped with an infant Cameron. Shortly after, Kate and Colossus found time to make another child, but just before President Kelly implemented his no-mutant-baby-making policies. So she was stuck in an internment camp while he was on the outside, roughing it with Wolverine.

In terms of bullshit explanations, this is better than most. But it still fails to satisfy anyone with even a moderate WTF tolerance. Kate and Colossus still ditched their son and even after they found him again, they kept a pretty big secret from him and from Chrissy. There’s just no way this doesn’t come off as a real dick move on some levels. I know parents have to make tough decisions and be assholes at times, but there are too many excuses and not enough reasons here. And honestly, did they really think that Cameron wouldn’t be in as much trouble if he grew up around Wolverine? Hell, they’re lucky he isn’t smoking a pack a day yet.

Cameron is still a bit more understanding than Chrissy. He ends up making excuses for her, but some of that stems from him picking up on Wolverine’s don’t-give-too-many-fucks-unless-it’s-a-beer attitude. But even he calls bullshit on some of Kate Pryde’s reasons and she seems to know on some levels she fucked up. That’s more than a lot of parents do. Just ask the Duggars.

Another awkward moment follows, this time between Chrissy and Cameron. It’s way more awkward than any conversation Luke and Leia ever had in Star Wars. The fact that there’s a funny Star Wars reference doesn’t help, but doesn’t hurt either. They gloss over the hormonal shit and have this jumbled, incoherent conversation about how adult make fucked up decisions and how anyone trying to make sense of the world is doomed to have a seizure. They still have a nice, non-incest hug in the end and it is somewhat sweet that they can get over this awkwardness. But nothing they say feels like they actually dealt with the issues here. I’d much rather be seeing dragons fighting killer robots, but that’s just me.

The awkwardness ends officially once Nightcrawler shows up with Kate. They’re then transported to the top of the church where they can overlook another mutant internment camp. They finally bring up the whole mutant reform package that President Kelly has been pitching, which has been horribly glossed over after being so central in the first few issues. Guess a giant dragon fighting a robot isn’t the only thing that got derailed.

There’s some talk about these mutant reforms and some Soviet style propaganda that’s urging mutants to embrace segregation. Nightcrawler says he’s tried to save these mutants from this sort of Fox News style crap, but he hasn’t been able to. They have big fucking guns. He can teleport and win Halloween contests. It’s not a fair fight.

There’s a brief and boring debate on the merits of freeing these prisoners with the limited manpower at their disposal. Cameron rightly points out that these people are probably not in a good state to battle an oppressive government with the backing of Doom. Chrissy doesn’t seem to really give it more than half a thought. To her, they’re in internment camps. They need to be set free in a world where dragons and Doom Sentinels prowl an apocalyptic landscape. I guess she’s never seen the Walking Dead. It could’ve made for a tense, meaningful discussion. It just ends up being some fairly meaningless whining before Chrissy says “fuck it!” and launches her attack.

The battle that follows isn’t nearly as epic as Lockheed fighting Doom Sentinels. How could it be? How can anyone compete with a dragon? It doesn’t make much of an effort either. They appear, start fighting guards, and storm through the gate. There’s nothing that visceral or satisfying about it. It’s about as spectacular as watching James Bond shoot a few random henchmen. The difference is that these henchmen are prepared. They have gear that would probably keep James Bond from banging whatever bimbo he’s trying to bang. Nightcrawler quickly does his best General Akbar impression and warns that it’s a trap. And without the aid of a giant dragon, they’re pretty fucked.

But it’s not quite as simple as it sounds. They don’t just find themselves playing the part of Rodney King in a bad neighborhood. Once they make it into the camp, they find something surprising. Some of the mutants in the camp are actually working with the guards and they don’t seem to be in a rush to break out. It’s another twist, but one that’s not wrought with as much WTF. There are even a few familiar faces in the crowd as well, like Destiny and Pyro. There even seem to be a few humans in the crowd. It’s a strange development that feels like both a trap and a mind-fuck. But after finding out about Kate and Colossus’ questionable parenting skills, it’s not nearly as strange as fucked up as it could be.

So as much as I enjoyed watching a giant fucking dragon fight killer robots, the excess amount of WTF made this issue feel exceedingly sobering. It’s like dropping some bird shit into a bowl of chocolate fudge. It tries to do the same shit Star Wars did in Return of the Jedi, but it fails while having way too many unpleasant implications. It’s not just that Cameron and Christy might have wanted to dip their toes in the incest pool. It’s that at one point, someone thought it would be a good idea to give one of their kids to Wolverine to raise in a post-Apocalyptic future. Because that’s what responsible and loving parents do, keep siblings apart and trust a hard-drinking loner with anger-management issues to raise a child. There’s only so much WTF I can take when I’m low on weed and I think this came way too close to exceeding it.

All the WTF factors aside, the story did move forward and there was still plenty of drama to go around. While some creepy shit was glossed over, other aspects weren’t. Throwing Nightcrawler into the mix helped and seeing a few more familiar faces at the end kept things interesting. There’s still a battle plan to oppose these Bernie Sanders type reforms that President Kelly is proposing. Parts of that plan are still vague, but the overall struggle is still ongoing. Now it’s gained another complication that has nothing to do with incest. It’s just not nearly as awesome as a robot-fighting dragon. I give Years of Future Past #3 a 5 out of 10. I’m sorry, but a robot fighting dragon can only do so much. Not a lot of stories outside of Star Wars can get away with teasing incest and this just isn’t one of them. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #2

Hope for the future is the one of the few things that keeps us from whipping out a can of lighter fluid and torching everything around us to the sound of Taylor Swift’s latest single. Some people have more hope than others. A teenager in downtown Detroit is going to have a very different outlook compared to a teenager in South Beach, Miami. A teenager who grew up in a fucking internment camp surrounded by killer robots is going to have even less hope, although not much less than the kid in Detroit. At least internment camps don’t have to deal with shitty music and shittier cars.

The setup for Years of Future Past was always pretty bleak, but it somehow found a way to be full of hope when it established itself in Battleworld. While it may pain fans of Starlord/Kitty Pryde to see her, Colossus, and their daughter, Christy, carry on hope in this bleak setting, it’s hard not to smile at their spirit. They don’t just have hope going for them. They’ve got an actual plan to give a massive middle finger to President Kelly and his Nazi-friendly policies towards mutants. Maybe in a world where Dr. Doom wasn’t a god, I might be more optimistic. But that’s not what they’re dealing with in Years of Future Past #2. They can piss off President Kelly and all his racist buddies all they want. They’re still in a world where Dr. Doom is a god and that’s going to severely limit hope in any capacity.

It’s still a world worth exploring and what makes it more compelling is that most of the exploration is done through the eyes of a couple of teenagers who grew up in this shit. The first issue went to great lengths establishing Christina Pryde, the daughter of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. She did more than enough to make herself the lovable rebel who seeks freedom. She’s basically a much more kid-friendly version of Mad Max. Then there’s Cameron, Wolverine’s son. And no, he doesn’t drown this one.

Cameron and Christy are in the same boat here. They both grew up in this shitty future and at the very beginning, we get a few nice flashbacks and inner monologues that show the differences in their experiences. Essentially, it shows Kitty and Colossus were more nurturing parents than Wolverine, but a kid raised by Wolverine is still a kid you want on your side during a bar fight. Yet despite growing up in such a shitty future where people are dumb enough to elect a racist, mutant-bashing bigot in Robert Kelly, there’s still plenty of heart in both characters. They feel genuine and human, not the kind of jaded emo goth types who listen to Linken Park songs all day. And in addition, these flashbacks help establish that these two have met and their hormones have noticed. Even the threat of killer robots can’t stop teenage hormones.

That’s not to say that the story becomes an apocalyptic version of the Breakfast Club. These flashbacks don’t go on any longer than they need to. They just establish the dramatic context for Christy and Cameron. Then they go straight to dealing with the killer Doom-style Sentinels that just attacked them. It’s actually a much smoother transition than it sounds and it still offers some solid action.

But the action doesn’t last and for good reason. Christy, Cameron, and the rest of the X-men decide that this isn’t a battle they can win. A killer robot made by the government? Sure, they’ll fight that. A robot made by Dr. Doom? Fuck no. They’re hopeful, but not that hopeful. So they slip into the sewers to escape while the Doom Sentinel fights other mutants who have way more hope than they should.

This leads to a tense conversation with Cameron. During the battle in the previous issue, he showed off his mutant power and used it to kill Blob. Now to be fair, Blob was in a murderous rampage. However, that excuse only goes so far when he’s part of a species that’s going extinct. Even the people who spit on animal rights activists understand that. Christy is among those who isn’t too thrilled. Mystique is among those who want to rip his balls off. But Christy does act as a peacemaker of sorts, reminding them that bitching and moaning is an easy way to attract more Sentinels. It shows that she has charisma on top of being adorable. She’s like the anti-Honey Boo Boo.

While the others navigate the sewers, the battle on the surface is still unfolding. Rachel Grey remains in the center of the shit storm. She’s also not dumb enough to think she can take down a Sentinel molded after Doom. I think her mother probably told her outright that death is something that’s worth avoiding. They can’t give the Hank McCoys of the world more excuses to fuck with the timeline.

So she does something that most people don’t do in battles involving killer robots. She tries to find the power source for these Sentinels and pull the plug. It seems much easier than putting a target on her ass and waving it out in the open. It might be sexier, but it isn’t smart. Rachel eventually finds the power source, albeit in a way that’s not very well detailed. That doesn’t end up mattering though because that power source happens to be Storm. Yes, someone in President Kelly’s inner circle thought it was a good idea to use her as a battery and piss her off in the process. I hope whatever genius came up with that idea got turned into target practice for the Secret Service.

Rachel makes sure Storm has a chance to give the finger to President Kelly’s energy policies. She and Rachel team up in a beautifully destructive attack on his forces. It’s a beautiful moment, albeit one that ends a bit too quickly. But it effectively brings Storm into the mix so it’s definitely worth it. I can already feel President Kelly’s asshole clenching.

Back in the sewers, we get more dramatic moments between Cameron and Christy. They settle down and talk about this fucked up situation in ways that’s way too mature for a couple of teenagers. There’s still some uneasiness over Cameron’s attitudes towards killing. But given the body count his father has racked up, nobody has a right to give him that much shit. That uneasiness eventually fades because the main point of the argument is that they’re among a dying race. And they’re lucky enough to be in the generation that’s expected to do something about this shit storm. They sort of have to hold themselves to a higher standard. Just ask the children of hippies how important those standards are. It is a meaningful conversation, but it does fall a bit flat. I’d still rather watch Storm and Rachel blow up more Sentinels.

They eventually arrive at their destination, which is called Centrum. It’s basically an underground kingdom that looks like a level from Skyrim. It’s not quite like the Morlocks in that there’s less piss puddles on the floor. It actually looks quite pleasant, like it could be some sort of theme hotel in New Zealand. It even has a familiar face in Angel, which is a nice touch. In terms of places to lay low, this is a pretty sweet deal. It beats the hell out of a shitty motel with no hot water and semen-stained bed sheets.

There’s still some cause for concern, namely from the head of a deactivated Sentinel. But Angel assures them that they’ve made sure it can’t call for backup. They just use it to feed data to Rachel and others on the surface. So there’s no possible way this can’t come back to bite them in the ass, right? Like New Coke or Vietnam, it can only make things better, right? It’s probably a good idea to keep a clean pair of shorts handy.

There are some more nice personal moments between Christy and Cameron. They have a chat, do some shopping, and talk about things that don’t involve killer robots. It’s a nice moment where they just get to be teenagers. At first, it’s a solid change of pace from running from killer robots, maintaining an element of humanity that’s so important to a Days of Future Past world. Then it starts to drag.

At some point, Colossus steps in and gives this long, drawn out speech that sort of details the mindset that got mutants into this shitty future. He basically talks about how people just had these crazy ideas that started off as jokes, like preventing parents who had mutant genes from breeding. Then some crazy asshole came along and took it seriously. It’s basically a long rant against jokes to justify every act of excessive political correctness ever. It boils down to don’t even make a joke. Some asshole might try it.

Now Colossus may come off as sincere and he does have a point to make, but it’s so drawn out that it might as well be a lecture by Ben Stein. It also sends a pretty shitty message. Jokes can create apocalyptic futures. I’m pretty sure the world didn’t go to shit because Greg Giraldo, George Carlin, and Richard Pryor told too many dick jokes.

After this long-winded speech, they finally get back to more relevant topics. Namely, that battle that unfolded in the first issue, which President Kelly orchestrated, had the exact desired effect. He was able to catch parts of the battle on camera, namely the part where one mutant killed another, and crafted it into a piece of anti-mutant propaganda that would make the North Korean government proud. So basically, the shit they all gave Cameron for killing Blob was justified because it just gave President Kelly what they wanted. And that, my friends, is how hope in an apocalyptic future becomes even more fleeting.

Knowing they can’t expect the general public to reject bullshit propaganda from their government, they formulate a different course of action. They begin studying the Sentinel head they captured and used as a centerpiece for their cozy little domain. Remember that thing? How it couldn’t possibly bite them in the ass? Still keeping those clean shorts handy.

Well at first, it looks like it might do the opposite. They hack into the AI for the Sentinel and try to figure out something they can use to bite President Kelly back for his bullshit. Mystique reveals that these new Sentinels were part of a plan formulated by Doom to see if making Sentinels feel pain made them better soldiers. Again, how can that possibly go wrong? I guess Doom isn’t a Terminator fan. But beyond the shitty logic behind this program, they find codes that indicate the whole attack was staged in ways that would make conspiracy theories jizz themselves. It might actually give them something with which to counter President Kelly’s bullshit.

Then, in the least surprising twist since Larry King’s last divorce, the new Sentinels find them. I guess tinkering with another Sentinel head wasn’t such a good idea after all. Who the fuck could’ve predicted this except everyone with half a brain? Predictability aside, it’s still a nice action-packed moment after a lot of wordy dialog. This battle didn’t end with Rachel freeing Storm and it’s not going to end just because the X-men find out that the government might like to fuck with people. If things were that easy, every president since Millard Filmore would’ve been impeached.

Another battle breaks out. Like previous battles, it’s a bit rushed, but for good reason this time. While Magneto, Wolverine, Colossus, and the others battle the Doom Sentinels, Kitty takes Cameron and Christy to a very special place in Centrum. No, it’s not Wolverine’s porno stash. It’s something that might actually help them stand a chance against these Sentinels. It’s a big fucking dragon, namely Lockheed. Apparently, Kitty Pryde has been feeding him very well. He’s now big enough to be a boss fight in an old NES game. A battle between a giant dragon and Doom Sentinels? All I can say is hell the fuck yes.

As hopelessly dystopian as the Days of Future Past world might be, this comic still finds a way to fill it with hope. Hell, it’s got more hope going for it than the last Tyler Perry movies. There’s a plan, an agenda, and a struggle unfolding. And by whatever magic keeps Emma Frost’s tits in her top, it works. What makes it personal is how it unfolds from the perspective of Cameron and Christy. They’re the catalyst that makes this story feel meaningful. Without them, it might as well be a flashback from a Terminator movie. Plus, the effect of teenage hormones does add a little extra drama and that’s fitting enough. Even an apocalypse can’t stop teenagers from wanting to bone.

There’s a lot to love about Years of Future Past #2. It details a personal struggle that has heart. At times, however, that struggle is muted by bloated dialog. It’s not that there was a lot more talking and a lot less kicking ass. I understand that not every issue can contain a Lord of the Rings style battle sequence. It just felt like there was too much talking without much being said. The President can say an awful lot in a State of the Union speech, but Samuel L. Jackson can still say more just by saying the word “motherfucker” in the right tone. It still offered plenty of intriguing moments and the prospect of a giant dragon battling killer robots just gives me so many wonderful feelings in my pants. I give Years of Future Past #2 an 8 out of 10. There will always be stories about apocalyptic futures. There will always be stories about struggles for survival. But those stories don’t have to suck and this series is proving that Chris Claremont got it right. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Years of Future Past #1

Before Bryan Singer crapped out a shitty movie version, X-men: Days of Futures Past was Chris Claremont’s silver medal on top of the gold medal he achieved with the Phoenix Saga. In terms of iconic X-men stories, it’s right up there with Wolverine’s, Storm’s hair, and Emma Frost’s boobs as the crown jewel of the X-men mythos. It was a dark story that dealt with the dark consequences of a world that decides minorities are best handled by killer robots. It came at a time when there were asshole racists who probably would’ve loved to use killer robots to enforce segregation. It’s still relevant at a time when a new generation of assholes wish they could use killer robots to protect bakers and florists from having to participate in gay weddings.

In that context, including the world of Days of Futures Past in Secret wars is as big a no-brainer as including Thor’s hammer. This is a world where grim and gritty is still awesome and relevant without being mistaken for a Batman Begins rip-off. Kitty Pryde, Wolverine, and a host of other beleaguered mutants fight to survive in a world that the Terminator would later emulate. And since there’s no Hugh Jackman to appease, nobody has to completely fuck up the premise of the story to appeal to women who want to fuck hot Australian actors. I doubt Singer will read Years of Futures Past #1, but I imagine he’s still too busy swimming in a pile of money with Fox accountants to give a shit.

Those who do read it will be treated to a familiar apocalyptic scenario that seemed so much more likely during the early years of the Reagan Administration. And thanks to the artistic talents of Art Adams, it’s beautifully rendered. Nobody tries to do anything too radical. Nobody tries to make it more like Mad Max or Terminator. It’s looks and feels exactly like the same Days of Futures Past world that Chris Claremont conjured back in the early 80s. And if that’s not enough for certain X-men fans, then they’re just being assholes.

Within this world, humanity has really fucked itself. New York City is in ruin. The infrastructure is only slightly more fucked than it is now. And mutants are still hunted like wounded deer on Ted Nugant’s ranch. There’s some nice exposition for those who were too burned out on blow during the 80s, explaining how fear of mutants caused the authorities to give Hitler’s minority policy a second look. This still doesn’t stop Christina Rasputin, the daughter of Kitty Pryde and Colossus, from venturing out into this shitty wasteland to find medicine. I’ll give Kitty/Starlord fans a moment to stop cringing.

Christina’s reward for doing something wholly altruistic is rewarded with a tiger attack. It’s not as bad as a killer robot, but it’s still top ten. She’s rescued by another old, cantankerous version of Wolverine. And like we saw in Old Man Logan, having gray hair and looking like a guy from a Cialas commercial brings out the best in him. But unlike Old Man Logan, this Wolverine is slightly less embittered and not in a way that makes him a pussy.

After saving Christina, we see that he’s like a lovable older uncle to her and not in the Duggar sort of way. He still finds ways to make the kind of quips that X-men fans have come to love, even in a post-Apocalyptic world. I’m guessing that means the world’s beer supply hasn’t been destroyed. But he’s still temperamental. He makes his hatred of this world’s less-than-compassionate mutant policy clear. However, he’s a burned out old geezer in a world where the X-men and most of the mutant population has been wiped out. He can’t do much about it other than wait until he’s in a position to stab the right people/robots/demigods.

Wolverine helps Christina get back on track so she can return to her mother. Along the way, she passes more of the barren wasteland that that’s full of decrepit buildings, gangs, and roving wild animals. She’s basically walking through Downtown Detroit at three in the morning. It’s not a safe place for a young woman to be to say the least. However, instead of crack-heads and pimps looking to rough her up, she has to worry about killer robots. That’s not something pepper spray and tasers can ward off.

Despite her best efforts, a sentinel locates Christina in the same way a desperate crack dealer would locate her in Detroit. For a moment, she’s pretty fucked. This is a world where Sentinels rule and nobody seems to give a shit when they slaughter innocent teenage girls. That’s when her mother, Kitty “Kate” Pryde steps in and uses a little diplomacy to keep the Sentinel from making mutants even more endangered. Apparently, the authorities do let mutants out of internment camps in some rare circumstances. Is it merciful? Hardly. But this is where we get our first connection with the rest of Battleworld.

Dr. Doom may not care may not care much for mutant welfare, but he does have rules for how these worlds are governed. And these rules aren’t like parking tickets that can be fought at a traffic court. Doom says he allows mutants to leave, but only if they help capture other mutants. That’s about as merciful as a wolf letting a rabbit live just so it can lead him back to a den of bunnies. It’s the kind of shit that would give the ACLU a stroke, but I doubt Doom loses any sleep over it.

Christina returns to the internment camp, which looks less inviting than a cheap Tijuana motel. They return to their bunker where they meet up with more familiar faces, including Colossus, Rachel Grey, and Magneto. Again, Starlord/Kitty Pryde fans might want to look away, but it’s still a sweet moment within an obscenely depressing environment. There’s something oddly fulfilling about it. It’s even more satisfying when Christina reveals that the stuff she stole can be used to disintegrate the annoying power-suppressing collars they’re forced to wear. Overall, I think only those who aren’t killer robots or mutant-hating assholes wouldn’t be more upbeat by this moment.

Case and point, President Kelly shows he has a massive raging hard-on for throwing mutants into internment camps. Even though some of his associates favor the more politically correct form of language that Karl Rove relies on, he’s still dedicated to stroking that hard-on. That means scaring the shit out of the public and convincing them that the most American way to deal with mutants is to use Nazi tactics. It’s a hard sell, but if a government can convince the public that invading another Middle-Eastern country is a good idea, I think they can pull it off.

That doesn’t mean Kitty, Christina, and the rest of the mutants interned at these camps will make it easy for him. They’re not overpaid lobbyists or lawyers for the oil industry. Even while stuck in internment camps, these aged and defeated X-men show that they can kill President Kelly’s rage boner faster than a kick in the balls and a line of blow. Using the chemicals Christina stole, they dissolve the power-suppressing collars and flex their powers. I imagine it feels like a cold beer after being stuck in traffic for four hours on a hot summer day.

And almost immediately after they get their powers back, they decide to don their old X-men uniforms. Because if they’re going to be destroying killer robots, they might as well stick to tradition. Yes, there’s even room for tradition during the apocalypse. It may sound petty, but it makes the moment they start fighting back all the more satisfying.

There’s some nice, but brief robot-fighting action. It’s no Mad Max or Lord of the Rings style epic, but it does feel more meaningful since these are X-men that have been trapped in a mutant internment camp. It finally gets tense when the Sentinel gains the upper hand and shoots Christina. I guess it figured unarmed teenage girls are easier to deal with than a crippled Magneto. It’s not entirely flawed logic, even if it’s the kind of logic Charles Manson probably champions. But it breaks down when the shot activates Christina’s mutant powers.

It’s another moment of hope in a world that’s apocalyptic as fuck. Christina basically becomes a much more lovable version of the T-1000 from Terminator Two. She’s got her father’s metal skin and her mother’s physics-defying physiology. And when she uses this power to decapitate a Sentinel, it feels like 1,000 angels just got their wings. At this point, the satisfying moments are really adding up and I need to change my pants again.

But taking out one killer robot is only going to inconvenience President Kelly. Hell, he could put an intern on that problem without requiring a blowjob. He still needs to find a way to make mutants terrifying enough to warrant concentration camps and killer robots. While most PR firms would tell him he’s fucked and off his meds, this doesn’t stop him. Like every good politician, he’s willing to lie and throw some extra bullshit into the mix.

So he sends a couple of cronies to a base where Mystique and Blob have been in chemically induced comas for 15 years. Then then wake them up, tell them the world has gone to shit, and that they’re actually mutant reformers trying to help. And if they want to get back as the asshole who put them in comas, they should go after Kitty Pryde. It’s a real dick move in the highest order, turning victims into cronies. But fuck if it isn’t cunning. Even Richard Nixon would be impressed.

The X-men continue their fight through this barren wasteland of a world, but they’re not just out to bust up some Sentinels, thinking that’ll make this world less fucked. They actually do have a coherent plan and sadly, it doesn’t involve beating the shit out of President Kelly. Instead, it involves stopping the government’s efforts to create a new breed of Sentinel that can’t be taken down with a good punch to the jaw.

Since President Kelly likes to overachieve when being a total dick, he took the mutants that had been captured in internment camps and used them to develop better Sentinel technology. The problem is they have a really shitty IT department because Rachel discovered that there’s a serious flaw in these Sentinels and they’ll start killing humans as well as mutants. Now they could just grab some popcorn and let irony finish off this shitty world. But they want to use this as an opportunity to make the President tone down his douche-baggery.

To do that, Rachel and Magneto want Christina and Wolverine’s son Cameron (yes, Wolverine has a son in this world that he hasn’t tried to drown) to save President Kelly. They figure if they can save him, they can get him to ease up on the concentration camp policy. If he doesn’t, then that just reveals to everyone what a total asshole he is. Kitty Pryde isn’t thrilled, but Christina is all for it. She just got her mutant powers. What better way to break them in than to save her entire species?

It sounds like a perfectly viable plan. It might work, assuming President Kelly isn’t the kind of asshole that secretly jerks off at Holocaust museums. However, they quickly encounter a complication when Blob and Mystique show up. They present a nasty obstacle in that they don’t stop and question that those people from the government were bullshitting them when they said Kitty Pryde put them in jail. They start fighting and President Kelly’s cronies are all too eager to get it on tape. I guess even in an apocalyptic future, the paparazzi still finds ways to be assholes.

Blob and Mystique don’t attempt to be reasonable, forcing the X-men to fight them and prevent them from doing anything that’ll give President Kelly another mutant-hating rage-boner. They get a little help when Wolverine and his son show up. For some reason, Cameron is remarkably clean cut for being Wolverine’s son. There’s no hint on who his mother is. It could be She-Hulk for all we know. But he demonstrates some strange chemical-shifting powers that allows him to take down Blob, no easy feat for a guy whose ass has its own zip code. But it’s a nice way for a new Wolverine spawn to make his debut. It’s not quite on the same level as stabbing Sabretooth, but it still gets the job done.

Cameron and Wolverine meet up with Christina and the rest of the X-men. She’s more than a little upset that he apparently killed Blob. Given the body count his father has racked up, I don’t know why she’s surprised. But Blob dying quickly becomes the least of their worries when a new threat emerges. This time, even President Kelly’s paparazzi doesn’t stick around. Remember those new Sentinels that Rachel mentioned? Well, they’ve been activated and they don’t look anything like the boring hunks of metal we saw in the Days of Futures Past movie. They look like something Dr. Doom designed and in a world where Dr. Doom is a god, that’s pretty appropriate. It’s also a sign that this apocalyptic world is way more fucked than it thinks.

As sick as I am with apocalyptic futures, I gladly make an exception for the future of Days of Futures Past. Make no mistake. This future is pretty fucking bleak. Keep a bottle of Prozac or Ecstasy nearby. Or at the very least, keep a picture of baby kittens visible at all times. This might as well be a History Channel documentary on the holocaust. Mutants have lost here. They have been stripped of all their human rights, rounded up, thrown into internment camps, and sterilized by their own government. They lack gas chambers, but there’s a distinct impression that they’re not off the table.

Despite this bleak setting, there’s still this distinct sense of hope in the story. Chrissy Pryde is able to smile and Wolverine is able to crack jokes about changing diapers, even in the face of a mutant holocaust. There’s just something inherently comforting about that. She and the rest of the war-ravaged X-men are easy to root for. They somehow find a way to keep the tone light, throwing in a few tender family moments as well. Even fans of Starlord/Kitty Pryde would enjoy these moments. They help create an appealing setting and a unique conflict within the context of Battleworld. I think if Chris Claremont was pissed off at the Days of Futures Past movie, this will help him sleep very well tonight. I give Years of Futures Past #1 an 8 out of 10. There’s only so much appeal beyond the non-goth crowd that a holocaust story can have. That’s what makes a story like this so precious. It’s the only time when it’s okay to waste perfectly good Ecstasy. Nuff said!