Turning Point: All New X-men #17

The following is my review of All New X-men #17, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Every great division from civil wars to petty bar fights has a definitive turning point. It’s that one wrong turn on a long road trip or that one transgression that cannot be forgiven. Like the Hatfields and McCoys, a single division can trigger a very destructive conflict. If the Hatfields and McCoys had mutant powers, the conflict would have probably been much more destructive. In “Battle of the Atom,” multiple teams of X-men from multiple timelines are doing everything they can to prevent that destruction. It was a hard enough task to begin with, convincing a bunch of confused and hormonal teenagers to go back to the past. Then it became much more complicated when it was revealed that the future X-men weren’t being completely honest about the horrible future they came from.

The details surrounding that future have been vague, but All New X-men #17 finally sheds light on it. And the most shocking detail of all is that this future isn’t apocalyptic. It’s not the utopian world of the Jetsons or the future promised in Star Trek either, but it is a future where the mutant race hasn’t been rounded up and thrown into internment camps. That may be jarring to anyone familiar with Marvel’s many alternate timelines where apocalyptic futures are a dime a dozen, but this is actually good for “Battle of the Atom” because it offers a nice change in perspective. By creating a future that doesn’t involve a mutant holocaust, the turning point that set the stage for Battle of the Atom is much more compelling.

In many ways, this future has more real-world parallels in that its biggest moment is Dazzler becoming President of the United States. Now if “Battle of the Atom” had been told eight years ago, this idea would have been pretty outrageous. It really wasn’t that long ago that a minority President was unthinkable. But like Barack Obama, Dazzler was a popular and respected figure in the future. She wasn’t just another mutant. She wasn’t just another hero either. She was seen as someone who could foster support from both humans and mutants alike. In fact, the scene of her inauguration was very reminiscent of Barack Obama’s. This event, which is still fresh in the minds of many, helps give the resulting turning point its impact.

What should have been the ultimate triumph in the X-men’s fight for peace between humans and mutants turns into an apocalyptic event of a very different kind. In the middle of her speech, Dazzler is killed. It would be like a team winning the World Series and being disqualified just as they were about to be handed their trophy. It’s a far more demoralizing moment than a steady progression from bad to worse. At least in an apocalyptic future, the expectations were clear. But in this future, all the work the X-men had done to make things better was destroyed. It’s the kind of emotional devastation that no army of Sentinels or attack by Magneto could ever match.

This devastating moment provides an important detail that had been lacking from previous issues. In the future one team of X-men kept fighting for Charles Xavier’s dream, but the other gave up. The future version of Beast articulated this perfectly when he lamented at how humans would never stop hating mutants. This moment nicely parallels the concerns the Beast in the past articulated at the very beginning of All New X-men. Now his team is the one trying to influence the past. They’re basically telling the Original Five X-men to fold their cards in a game of poker when they know they’ve got a good chance of a winning hand. That’s why the other team refers to themselves as the real X-men.

This turning point may offer some important insight into these future X-men who have been trying to influence the past. However, there are still some details that aren’t sufficiently explored. It isn’t necessarily clear who was behind the attack that killed Dazzler. The power on display appeared very similar to what was shown by Animax, a new mutant that appeared in the first issue of Battle of the Atom, but there’s nothing to indicate that it isn’t someone completely different. There is also some inconsistent characterization with Colossus. What he and the future X-men tell Magik, Beast, and Iceman is no different than what many others have told the Original Five. They have to go back to the past. At this point that argument has become staler than every argument ever made in favor alcohol prohibition. So it really isn’t too surprising when the argument fails and they get roped into the ongoing conflict in the past.

The underlying plot for “Battle of the Atom” didn’t really progress that much in All New X-men #17. However, it did fill in a few important blanks. There are still plenty of unanswered questions, but this issue firmly establishes a path for finding these answers while providing a context for the future X-men. And that division is now poised to converge with the ongoing conflict in the past. It marks yet another turning point in this conflict because now the lies are being exposed and the liars behind those lies will have to answer for them.

“Battle of the Atom’s” greatest strength continues to be the emotional impact it offers with both the story and the characters. This issue offered an impact of a different kind, creating a future that has far more contemporary parallels than previous time travel stories like Days of Futures Past. While the impact of Days of Futures Past was established in its own time, the impact of Battle of the Atom is resonating in a much more modern context. Yet it still uses elements from the past in a very literal sense, which makes the story seem all the more appropriate.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: All New X-men #17

Some people like their comic book reviews to be insightful, clever, and critical. Others like them to be vulgar, deranged, and full of poop jokes. Only one of these styles can be done while drunk so that’s what I provide on this blog. X-men Battle of the Atom has given me plenty of reasons to get drunk for all the right reasons, as if there are ever any wrong reasons. Having passed the halfway point, a solid foundation for awesome has been built. But the next part of the X-men’s 50^th anniversary event promises to test that foundation by exposing more lies and revealing yet another team of future X-men. I’m pretty sure at this point even Dr. Who wouldn’t be able to keep up with all these future teams. So as I review All New X-men #17, bear with me as I try to make sense of these new complications in the plot while not in a completely sober mind.

The first step in making sense of these complications is to make sense of this fucked up future that O5 Beast and Iceman traveled to at the end of the previous issue. Just how fucked is this future and how full of shit were those other future X-men? Well for registered Republicans and anyone who ever voted for Rick Perry, the future is downright apocalyptic because Dazzler ends up running for President of the United States. For some reason, a hot blond former pop star who then took a job with SHIELD sounds like a perfectly viable candidate in an era of American Idol and Honey Boo Boo. But what makes it more confusing at first is that Beast, Xorna/Jean, and the other future X-men are united in this effort. I look at this and it hardly seems like an Apocalyptic future where some of the X-men branch off and become evil. Then again, for all I know Simon Cowell is Vice President and that would be right up there with nuclear war.

As this story of the future unfolds, everything seems all bacon and whiskey. They even have the support of the Avengers and SHIELD. Hell, it looks like the very opposite of an apocalyptic future. There are no Sentinels hunting mutants. There are no internment camps where mutants are used as target practice. And in a sign that would indicate the public got sick of the shitty candidates that Republicans and Democrats kept trotting out, Dazzler actually wins the Presidency. I can only imagine how fucked her opponent must have been. He could argue policy and pander all he wanted, but Dazzler is a hot blond mutant pop star that can shoot shiny things out of her hands. For the next generation of voters, that’s all it takes. It’s enough to make even the most hardened stoner weep.

On the surface, it sounds like a more bullshit premise than Adam Sandler’s last three movies. And maybe it would have been 10 years ago, but I’m still sober enough to remember the impact of Barack Obama’s election. It may have pissed old white racists off, but it marked a huge turning point in minority relations for America. Despite with the birthers constantly bitch about, an American minority became President and that marked a huge turning point in history. Since X-men have been a metaphor for minorities since their inception, this feels both appropriate and relevant. In the future a mutant becoming President would be a huge moment in history and one that would be a high point for mutants and the X-men.

For that very reason, this same moment could also be the moment where fate gives the X-men the ultimate “fuck you.” Because just when it seems the future is decidedly not apocalyptic, Dazzler gets killed right in the middle of her acceptance speech. If it sounds familiar, it damn well better to all seasoned X-men fans. It’s basically ripped off from Days of Futures Past, also known as the second greatest X-men story of all time. In that story, an assassination ensured that mutants were fucked on an apocalyptic scale. This story is similar and a lot more rushed, but it still has the right impact. It perfectly articulates the clear turning point where the future became too fucked up for some X-men so they needed to fuck up the past to solve it. Again, it is a Days of Futures Past rip-off, but I suppose if Marvel is going to plagiarize their own shit, they might as well use one of the most awesome X-men stories of all time.

However, I imagine that Chris Claremont was painfully sober when he determined who would fire the shot that fucked the future for all mutant kind. In this fucked up future, it isn’t a rogue Sentinel or a pissed off mutant that kills Dazzler in the moment of ultimate triumph for an oppressed minority. It’s fucking dragons and demons. Because they have always had a hard-on for screwing mutants over haven’t they? Well, the short answer to that is “fuck no!” The long answer begins with a definitive, “What the fuck?”

Now I’ve got nothing against dragons and demons. I’ve met plenty on my numerous LSD trips and I’m pretty sure I made one of them the godfather to my future children. But this is another instance where Battle of the Atom has moments that hit hard with emotional resonance, but are light on details. These creatures are clearly menacing and have no problem slaughtering mutants in large crowds. But there’s not even a hint as to who sent them or why. For I know, they just hated disco that much. It’s the same problem the previous issue had. I’m sure if I was sober I would understand it better, but I’m not so I’m still fucking confused.

Fast forward even farther into the future and we’re finally back at the point where Wolverine and the X-men #36 ended. At least now there’s some understanding of why these future X-men may not be the assholes, with the exception of Kid Omega, who is now packing Phoenix power. At first, they give Magik and O5 Beast and Iceman the same speech the others gave them. They should go back to the past before they fuck up the timeline more than they already have. At this point, that argument is like the Pope telling teenage boys not to jerk off. It carries no weight anymore.

There’s also another confusing moment here in that Colossus actually embraces Magik as if she didn’t fuck him over worse than the IRS fucked Wesley Snipes. Now I know I’ve killed a lot of brain cells over the past few years, but I still have enough to remember that Magik basically spit in Colossus’s face after Avengers vs. X-men when she revealed that she could have freed him from Cytorak the whole damn time. She just chose not to and her reasons basically amounted to a sisterly “fuck you.” They haven’t even interacted since that moment. Now they’re embracing each other? Maybe it’s different given Magik’s recent encounter with Dormmamu, but it still comes off as even more ridiculous than the premise of a mutant becoming President. Magik also mentioned that she gave Colossus the soul sword. That in and of itself sounded like it could fuck a lot of things up, but it’s basically glossed over so the rest of the team can keep whining about the O5 fucking up the timeline.

But some moment aren’t as casually glossed over because O5 Beast and O5 Iceman share my curiosity as to why the other future X-men turned into assholes. Well, the flashback about Dazzler getting killed just as she was about to usher in a new era for human/mutant relations offered a telling clue. Another flashback adds a few extra layers that show very clearly when the future X-men became divided. And in the least surprising revelation I’ve seen since my last drug test, Henry fucking McCoy is at the center of it.

As if there weren’t enough reasons to despise Beast at a sub-atomic level, he’s the one that basically gives up like a pussy in wake of Dazzler’s assassination. While some X-men like Colossus try to encourage him to keep fighting, Beast just sits there like a kid who just dropped his candy bar down a sewer and laments how humans will always hate mutants. This is actually another nice parallel in that it reflects Beast’s earlier bitching in the first issue of All New X-men. And that scene was taken right from the pages of a much earlier issue of Uncanny X-men during the Lee/Kirby era. It effectively reinforces the notion that Beast is the whiney little bitch of the O5 and he’s willing to say, “Fuck Charles Xavier’s dream.” If there’s a way this guy could be an even bigger douche, I’ll need better drugs to come up with it.

Now because of Beast’s bullshit, the timeline is being fucked with again. This effectively confirms for O5 Beast and O5 Iceman that the X-men that everyone seemed so eager to trust are lying trough their asses. It’s still not clear what they hope to accomplish by sending the O5 back to the past, if that’s even what they’re going to do. But it is clear that they need to be stopped before they succeed in whatever shit they’re trying to pull. The challenge is convincing these other future X-men to help them.

Naturally, they’re reluctant. Hell, they actually start fighting each other in their disagreement on the merits of increasing the damage done to Father Time’s already mangled asshole. They only reinforce the theme that the timeline shouldn’t be fucked with by anyone other than Dr. Who. In the process some of the personalities of these future X-men come out. They don’t exactly reveal their life story, but that’s to be expected. There’s only so much they can reveal when the merits of time travel are being debated. And since teenagers in the future haven’t stopped being stubborn, they probably figure that there’s no use fighting it.

Once the future X-men make their decision, the story re-converges with the events that transpired in Wolverine and the X-men #36. Magik and the future X-men appear before Cyclops’s revolutionary team just as they’re leaving. As far as they’re concerned, they lost worse than any team that has played the Denver Broncos this season. Cyclops was prepared to help his past self and O5 Jean. Then she just changed her mind and now he’s left to face even more belittling from Magneto and Emma Frost. Now a new group of X-men show up and unlike the others, they’re not liars. This means that Cyclops might get another chance to both meet his past self and piss off Beast. As far as I'm concerned, this has all the elements of an epic win in the making.

This issue had a lot of parallels that were presented in a way that didn’t feel like total rip-offs. So I think Chris Claremont can be a little less pissed. But most importantly, this issue established that the X-men trying to convince the O5 to go back to the past are the assholes here. They’re the ones that just said, “Fuck it, humans are always going to try and kill us.” The details are still somewhat lacking, but at least it’s more definitive. It doesn’t move the story forward that much. At most, it proved that a hot blond will always wield the most power in the long run. It also adds to the epic scale of Battle of the Atom in that it adds yet another X-men team to the mix. And like an orgy at the Playboy Mansion, the more the better. All New X-men #17 gets a 7 out of 10. Now it’s just a matter of waiting to see how pissed the O5 and the rest of the X-men are going to be when they find out how much their future selves fucked with them. Given the sadistic shit my future self probably wants to do to me, I wouldn’t blame them. Nuff said!

All New X-men #17 PREVIEW - New Details and Crazy Theories

It used to be pretty easy to figure out who the bad guys were in comics. If they had mustaches, sinister eyes, or were a horribly racist stereotype, then there really wasn’t much room for confusion. A guy like me could read a comic high as fuck and still figure out who needed to an omega level kick to the balls. Then Marvel had to get fancy with events like Civil War where heroes fight heroes and nobody was completely evil. It forced readers like me to be a lot more sober when assessing the story. This had its share of drawbacks, but it has led to complex and engaging stories.

X-men: Battle of the Atom is attempting to be more than just another clash between mutants and giant robots. It took pages right out of Civil War and Back to the Future, pitting past X-men with future X-men. But at around the halfway point in the story, it takes the kind of turn that will twist perceptions like a bad hit of LSD. Now there’s reason to believe that the future X-men who sounded all noble and righteous in trying to save the future might be lying out their asses. That reason was basically confirmed by the end of Wolverine and the X-men #36. Somebody here isn’t telling the truth and if a drunk like me can see that, then something done gone horribly wrong.

So far, details on what that horrible something is are vague at best and non-existent at worse. Fans tend to come up with some pretty fucked up theories when they aren’t given specifics. I’m sure there is already a contingent of fans that believe every one of the future X-men are Skrulls. But the next issue in Battle of the Atom, which happens to be All New X-men #17, adds some details to just how fucked the O5 X-men may be as Magik takes O5 Beast and Iceman to the future to meet yet another team of X-men. CBR recently posted a preview of issue, but it’s only going to raise more questions than answers.

CBR: All New X-men #17 PREVIEW
And for the record, it doesn’t discount the Skrull theory. I honestly don’t think there will ever be a Marvel event where some segment of fans don’t suspect that Skrulls are involved.

I’m going to try and not jump to conclusions, but since I’m a drunk I would probably have better luck passing a breathalyzer test on St. Patrick’s Day. If these are the real X-men, then those future X-men trying send the O5 back to the past might as well be the Brotherhood or something like them. This future where X-men and killer robots live in harmony must not be enough for them. It also implies that the O5 X-men actually do some good by staying in the present. And who the hell wants to tell a bunch of teenagers that they made the right call in defying what a bunch of competent adults tell them?

But what may be just as confusing is the brother/sister moment between Magik and Colossus. I seem to recall Magik trolling Colossus so horribly after Avengers vs. X-men that he would snap her neck and draw dicks on her face in permanent marker rather than accept her Soul Sword. Magik is still supposed to be the demon loving bitch that probably haunts Pat Robertson’s nightmares/wet dreams. Yet here she hugs the same brother she basically gave the finger to? I know teenage girls aren’t known for being rational, but this is pushing it.

At the very least, this preview gives me more reason to suspect that Xavier and his pack of future “X-men” are full of shit. One of them may still be a shape shifter. One of them may be using advanced telepathy to fuck with their perceptions. Or maybe there’s no shape shifting and telepathy at all and they’re just flat out lying. Whatever the case, they’re fucking with the O5 X-men in some way and they’re going to try and screw them over. Because that’s what happens in a book about heroes fighting heroes. When they’re not trying to bang each other, they’re trying to screw each other over and it looks like Battle of the Atom will have plenty of screwing for multiple timelines. Nuff said!