Twists, Turns, and Burns: Superwoman #2

The following is my review of Superwoman #2, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

We don't like to think about what happens to our beloved toys when they become outdated or obsolete. Most of the time, we're content to forget about them and enjoy our new toys. This happens a lot with characters as well, most of which are clones, time travelers, or visitors from an alternate universe. We expect their presence to become obsolete or unnecessary in most cases. Our expectations with post-Flashpoint Lois Lane are a bit harder to discern.

As with Superman, DC: Rebirth went to great lengths to put a lot of genies back in multiple bottles with Lois Lane. In addition to having another Superman replace the one that died, we also get another version of Lois Lane. She's the classic wife and baby mama of Superman and her story is now part of the overall Superman narrative. This leaves post-Flashpoint Lois Lane in a state of limbo, one she seems to fill by becoming Superwoman.

Unfortunately, her run as a superhero lasts for one issue. It ends quite abruptly. There are chess matches between the Flash and Batman that last longer. Superwoman #1 ends in a way that makes the premise of the series feel like the fine print of a bad user agreement. It gives the impression that post-Flashpoint Lois Lane is obsolete and DC Comics just threw her away the first chance they got. Superwoman #2 attempts create a story around this act, but it's a story built on a shaky, overtly fraudulent foundation.

Post-Flashpoint Lois is basically turned into a catalyst for Lana Lang to become Superwoman. It's not a classic act of "fridging" a female character. Lois Lane isn't murdered or butchered as a means to push Lana's story. She's just cut out of the dynamic, ensuring there's only one Superwoman. The fact that the Superwoman who doesn't have a counterpart from an alternate universe survives is quite telling.

By taking Lois Lane out of the narrative, the tone of Superwoman #2 takes a dramatic shift. It's either callous in that Lois' death quickly becomes a side-note or just flat in that Lana's story fails to be that compelling. To his credit, Phil Jimenez makes a concerted effort to develop that story. It certainly helps that Matt Santorelli's art creates the right tone and ambience. It just never comes off as anything more than a consolation prize.

That story still has elements of mystery and intrigue. Superwoman's first major nemesis is revealed as Lena Luthor. It's a fitting, if not overly standard dynamic. If there's going to be a female Superman operating in the DC universe, then there should be a female Lex Luthor by default. In the spirit of gender equality, it's only fair.

There's also never a sense that Lena Luthor is just a female version of Lex either. She goes out of her way to make that clear to Lex, albeit in a very uncomfortable manner. Then again, that only makes her more worthy of her role. If Superwoman #2 has a strength, it's that it doesn't try to just push female characters into male roles. It lets its female characters be female. It's one of those concepts that shouldn't feel so novel.

Even if Superwoman #2 checks all the boxes in terms of gender dynamics, it fails to check many more. The story quickly becomes choppy and bland. It's less about Superwoman and more about Lana Lang reacting to Lois' death. These reactions are lacking in emotional weight and only serve to put her in a position to fight more monsters. For a character as iconic as Lois Lane, this just comes off as crass.

Lana does get a good assist from her current lover, John "Steel" Irons. He plays the part of a supportive boyfriend, but not much else. He does little to move the story forward or add emotional depth to the situation. He may as well be Lana's personal assistant, who she just happens to be sleeping with. By and large, he just doesn't do enough to make his presence feel relevant.

In principle, there's no reason to doubt that Lana Lang can be a compelling Superwoman. She has the personal connections, the spirit, and the desire to do the job. Within the context of this story, however, her ability to be Superwoman is essentially tied to the fate of Lois Lane. She's not being Superwoman because she feels inclined to use her new powers for the greater good, as Superman would. This story gives the impression that she's embracing this role because of Lois. That excuse may work for Peter Parker, but it doesn't work for Lana Lang.

A big part of Superman's core is that he does the right thing simply because it's the right thing. He doesn't need any other reason. That is the only real reason that matters. Superwoman #1 sets up all the right dynamics to continue that legacy. Superwoman #2 just throws it away, trying to create other reasons that only undermine this ideal.

In the end, the intent of Superwoman #2 is commendable, trying to set Lana Lang up as Superwoman and establishing the necessary factors. The results, however, are shallow and stale. It also gives the impression that post-Flashpoint Lois Lane was a character that DC Comics couldn't wait to get rid of. Now that there's another Lois in place, who perfectly complies the decades-old traditions that dare not be broken, the concept of Lois Lane being Superwoman gets thrown away. It's not just a missed opportunity. It feels downright petty.

The heart and soul of what makes a Superman comic what it is just aren't there. They didn't necessarily die with post-Flashpoint Lois Lane, but there isn't much effort to salvage those elements either. Lana Lang may still develop into a viable Superwoman. She just has a lot of forces working against her and even the strength of Superman may not be enough to overcome them.

Final Score: 4 out of 10

Heavenly Beginnings: Angela: Asgard's Assassin #1

The following is my review of Angela: Asgard’s Assassin #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In this era of reboots, recons, and remakes, it often feels as though the bar for success is exceedingly low. These days, most fans will consider any remake that doesn’t dump burning napalm on their childhoods a success. It’s like every remake is a plane that’s always about to crash. It can only work if those involved can walk away alive. Even the successes, such as J. J. Abramas’ Star Trek, feel like flukes rather than accomplishments. Failures such as Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tend to be the norm.

These are the circumstances in which Marvel had to remake Angela, a character who is not at all native to their universe. She was an established character in Spawn. She had her own history and her own place in that world. But thanks to negotiations with Todd MacFarlane’s lawyers, which may or may not have included a deal with Mephisto, Marvel gained the right and the opportunity to incorporate her into the Marvel Universe. It has taken them a while to make good on that opportunity. At times, it has taken too long. But now Angela has a place in the Marvel Universe and Angela: Asgard’s Assassin #1 makes it akin to the hot new club in town.

Make no mistake. This Angela is not the same Angela from Spawn. She has the same name. She has the same look. She has the same knack for slaying unholy monsters in ways befitting of any Angel of Death. But she is a different character. This issue attempts to build on what was established with Angela from the aftermath of Age of Ultron and Original Sin. While the results probably won’t satisfy those who enjoyed following her in Spawn, it does plenty to make her worthy of being in a universe where she can arm-wrestle Thanos and Dr. Doom.

The development of her character has been somewhat slow since Age of Ultron. It wasn’t until Original Sin that Angela established a more definitive place in the Marvel Universe, being the lost sister of Thor and raised in the Tenth Realm of Heven. This issue does build on the aftermath of this revelation. It even explores the personal impact it has on Angela. However, that impact is secondary. No matter what universe she’s in, she’s still Angela. She’ll find a way to be a badass, monster-slaying Angel of Death in any universe.

This is what brings her remote backwater portion of the universe reminiscent of Mos Eisley on Tatooine. She’s fresh off the disturbing revelations of her heritage and looking to take it out on someone. She puts herself in a perfect position to do so. She arrives with a stolen baby in her arms and plenty of angry monsters chasing after her and not the kind from Child Protective Services either. They attempt to attack her. Angela makes them wish they hadn’t. There’s absolutely nothing about her actions that’s out of character. This may even be her way of coping with the revelations of her Asgardian heritage. It’s not exactly the healthiest kind of therapy, but it works for her.

Angela’s ability and prowess in battle ends up being the central theme to the story. She does not fight the same way as She-Hulk, Black Widow, Catwoman, or Wonder Woman. She’s not some overly sexualized vixen who hides the impracticality of fighting in stiletto heels. She’s not overtly masculinized and she’s not completely devoid of sex appeal either. Angela fights with a style all her own. It’s a style that’s visceral, focused, and right at home in a universe where giant green monsters and killer robots are the norm.

This unique style helps give the story some flavor. It’s not just another case of a beautiful woman beating up monsters like a superpowered slasher movie. It gives Angela a unique appeal among male and female characters alike. And in a market flushed with powerful female characters like Storm and Captain Marvel, that in and of itself is an accomplishment. However, it isn’t just her fighting that makes Angela appealing. It’s her motivations that help her stand out and not necessarily in a heroic sort of way.

While Angela is fighting, her friend, Sera, gives a brief anecdote about why she does what she does. She may be Asgardian now, but she still sees herself as an angel. And angels in the Marvel Universe are anything by heavenly. They’re more like loan sharks and debt collectors for the mob. Angela’s motto is, “Nothing is for nothing.” Every act, including something as basic as saving a baby from a crashed spaceship, incurs a debt. And anyone who ever took out a student loan understands the dangers of debt

It sounds like the way Tony Soprano would operate and not an angel, but Angela still comes off as much more likable. Sure, she’s okay with wacking those who can’t pay, but she won’t take pleasure in it. She won’t be unreasonable about it. She’ll give others multiple chances. If they choose not to take them, then she will dish out Columbian Neckties with her sword. It’s not as cruel as it sounds, but it’s every bit as unheroic as it sounds.

This overview of how Angela operates provides great insight into her character. However, the insight does cause the story to drag considerably. Given how long and tedious it has been to get Angela to this point, it certainly tempers the impact. However, there is a major payoff in the end when it’s revealed whose baby she took and why monsters are coming after her. It leads right into a conflict that feels like a natural outgrowth from Original Sin. It feels like an investment that has finally paid off and without the need for insider trading.

There are many ways Angela can contribute to the Marvel universe. She’s shown she can be part of a team. She’s also shown she can fit into the overly convoluted history of the Marvel Universe. Now, Angela: Asgard’s Assassin #1 shows that she can hold her own and do things her way. There will still be Spawn fans that refuse to accept that, but that’s their problem. It isn’t the perfect template on which to recast an established character. At the very least, it’s a blueprint for actually making it good and not just avoiding a horrible crash.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Angela Asgards Assassin #1

Beautiful redheaded women in the Marvel universe are like big-breasted blondes to Hugh Hefner. There can never be enough of them. Between Jean Grey, Black Widow, and Mary Jane Watson, I think every heterosexual man with a functioning penis would agree. So when Marvel’s lawyers pulled off a miracle with Todd MacFarlane (which I’m convinced involved someone getting blown more than once) to get the rights to Angela, I was all for it. Since she arrived at the end of Age of Ultron, her character and her whole story is being reimagined. Some have bitched and moaned about it, as they are prone to do about damn near everything.

But Marvel has found a way to incorporate Angela into their world while maintaining everything that makes her awesome. She’s a killer, badass angel of vengeance who likes to show off her washboard stomach and snap necks, often in that order. She also happens to be the sister of Thor from a previously-unknown tenth realm, but that’s beside the point. Angela is now part of the Marvel universe. Deal with it. Now she has her own series to help her find a place in that universe. Angela Asgard’s Assassin #1 is the first step in that process. After Original Sin, it’s probably not going to make her any more comfortable. However, I’m sure plenty of readers will find a reason to bitch and moan about it anyways.

As for Angela herself, she has way more legitimate reasons to complain. She just found out that she’s an Asgardian, who just happen to be the sworn enemies of angels. Now the angels who raised her hate her guts and she did plenty to make Asgardians hate her as well during Original Sin. I’m not going to say she’s completely blameless, but she certainly went out of her way to piss a lot of very powerful beings off. Maybe that’s just how she rolls. Not going to say it’s worthy of a rap video, but she’s definitely taking the hard road.

Now that shoe knows who and what she is, she’s basically off on her own. Heven hates her. Asgard hates her. So what does she do? Go out drinking with Dracula and arm wrestle the Hulk? Maybe that’s on her to-do list, but she still has shit to do. This leads her to some stereotypical mystical land that looks like a lost level in World of Warcraft. She’s carrying what looks like a baby, but it could be baby dragon for all we know. There’s some nice narration to recap what she’s gone through and how rough she’s had it lately. But this doesn’t stop her from walking right into another shit storm.

When she arrives, she’s greeted by an army of orcs that look like leftovers from Lord of the Rings. They welcome her to the Un-Town, which sounds like a bad Disney ride. She makes it clear she’s not interested in rides or waiting in line for the last Hobbit movie. She’s here looking for a friend. After all the bridges she burned and spat on in Original Sin, it’s hard to believe Angela has any friends. But she does. This one’s name is Sera. She’s like her in that she loves wearing badass armor and beating up those who think they’re stronger than her. It’s not entirely clear why Angela wanted to find her. I don’t get the impression they’re planning a spa day or something. But there is a reason for it and it’s usually safe to assume it involves something or someone that needs to be killed.

Low and behold, that’s exactly what happens. Angela reveals that she didn’t stumble across this fucked up version of an old western town on acid by accident. She was actually running from something and it wasn’t child protective services. It was actually scarier, but not as scary as the IRS. It was a horde of horse-riding demonic creatures that must have also been rejects from World of Warcraft. They apparently didn’t like Angela holding that baby and they’re not going to wait until she gets her own episode of Hardcopy to make her pay. There’s still not much in terms of details regarding this baby or why these creatures want to fight Angela. I’m assuming they don’t have a death wish, but I try to be careful with my assumptions. One accidental encounter with a transvestite hooker taught me that lesson.

Whatever their reasons, these creatures also learn the hard way it’s not smart to piss off Angela. They try to fight her and she fights back, albeit much more effectively. It’s brutal, visceral, and nicely detailed. It’s not overly bloody. It’s not overly gratuitous. It’s not even overly sexy, but it’s just sexy enough to put a smile on my face and a boner in my pants. It’s the perfect balance in that it shows the kind of fighter Angela is and what she’s capable of. She’s not the Hulk. She’s not Black Widow. She’s fucking Angela and she kicks ass her way.

As much fun as it is to see her kick ass, there are still plenty of blanks that need to be filled in here. Anybody who skipped Original Sin or is too drunk to remember it might be confused, but would probably be content to just follow one long story of her eviscerating orcs. However, this isn’t how the story unfolds. There actually is an effort to explain why Angela is doing this and it might even explain where that baby came from. For all we know, it’s still a dragon or the last discounted iPad from a Black Friday sale.

This is where Sera starts to narrate, which makes sense because Angela is busy decapitating orcs. She explains that Angela was out troving the galaxy, looking for work. I imagine she was trying to stay busy, as many often do after they’ve had a real shitty couple of days, like finding out she was the daughter of Odin. This led her to a crashed transport on some backwater alien planet that looks nothing like Tattoine. In the wreckage, she found an infant had survived. She saved it, but along the way Sera makes clear that she doesn’t do this out of the goodness of her heart. She still considers herself and angel and angels in the Marvel Universe are less about salvation and more about making the kinds of deals the mafia likes to make. Saving this child puts it in debt to her and like Joe Pesci in Casino, she intends to collect and she’s not afraid to use a baseball bat if necessary. “Nothing is for nothing,” is her motto. I’m pretty sure that’s also the motto for Goldman Sachs too.

To be fair, she demonstrates a lot more ethics than Goldman Sachs or the mafia ever does. She finds the infant a home on this world. She even tells its adopted parents who she is and makes clear that this kid is to know who she is. She just found out how much it sucks keeping secrets about an infant’s heritage. She’s going to spare this kid that torment. Like I said, she isn’t without ethics. She’s not the fucking DEA.

But eventually, a day comes when she returns to collect her debt. Angela returns to this world when she finds out her friend Sera has been taken prisoner. The infant she saved has since grown into a king. He’s not exactly a Game of Thrones caliber king and his throne is really shitty by comparison. But he comes off as fair and reasonable when he argues that Sera is guilty of crimes against his people. So even though Angela offers to forgive his debt by letting her go, he refuses. Angela begs with him. She asks him nicely multiple times. He still refuses. At that point, Angela channels her inner Joe Pesci and collects on the debt and her sword is way more effective than a baseball bat.

It’s cruel and not very heroic. But that’s part of what makes this moment so powerful. It shows that Angela does have a code of honor, but that code isn’t very honorable by some standards. She will kill those she has compassion for. She will be brutal when she has to. She’s not a big believer in altruism either. She’ll either balance out the debts or she’ll spill enough blood until the universe balances it for her. She doesn’t take sadistic pleasure in it though. She actually provided funds and resources to the kingdom to help maintain stability after the king’s death. At this point, they know to accept Angela’s terms. She is not someone they want to piss off.

Sera makes clear that this is the core of who Angela is and why she does what she does. She collects debts. She balances out imbalances. And from time to time, she shows a sense of loyalty to her friends. She’s not going to get emotional about it. She’s only ever going to get pissed when someone or something gets in their way. It’s makes her unique in how she operates. She’s not a villain. She’s not all that heroic either. Then again, the Avengers still have the Hulk on their team. So maybe the standards for heroics should be graded on a curve here.

After Sera is done recounting her history with Angela and why she does what she does, we finally get back to more immediate concerns. At this point, those concerns seem secondary. The whole flashback was like an extended halftime show of sorts. It was fun, but it kind of fucked up the rest of the football game. By now, Angela has finished maiming all the orcs. That really shouldn’t surprise anyone. Then Sera reminds her that if she was followed to the Un-Town, she’s probably being watched and not in the creepy gym-teacher-in-the-girls-locker-room sort of way.

Whoever or whatever was watching her figures out quickly that sending orcs after her ain’t going to get the job done. So instead, she gets a visit from another menacing threat. This time it’s from Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three. That’s like going from Hydra drones to Dr. Doom’s A-team. It promises to make for a much messier and more epic battle. To this point, the story was starting to drag, having spent so much time just establishing Angela as a character. But the arrival of the Asgardians, especially after the shit storm in Original Sin, definitely gets things back on track in a way rivaled only a line of top quality blow.

But that’s not the only thing that gets the story back on track in the most awesome way possible. Remember that baby and/or dragon Angela was carrying? Well it turns out, it was actually a baby. If that sounds like a letdown, take another bong hit. That baby happens to be the new heir to Asgard. When and how this new baby was born is not explained, but that’s really not the main concern here. More than anything else, it gives Thor and all of Asgard another very good reason to battle Angela. It’s the kind of family conflict that would impress Jerry Springer himself. It couldn’t be more awesome without midget strippers being involved.

This issue, more than anything else, establishes the method to Angela’s badassery in the Marvel universe. She’s not exactly an angel. She’s not exactly an Asgardian either. She’s more like a cross between She-Hulk, Jean Grey, and Tony Soprano. She’s strong enough to take on an army of monsters and beat the everloving shit out of them with only her fists and a lousy mood. She’s loyal and compassionate to those she considers friends. But at the end of the day, she’s all about business. Owe her something and she will collect. Deny her and she will kill and she won’t hesitate. She’s not some Catwoman-level femme fatal who thinks latex and stiletto heels function as a combat uniform. She’s not some butch, barely feminine agent of destruction who appeals only to lesbians and feminazis. She does have sex appeal, but it’s not the overly overt kind found in every Victoria’s Secret catalog ever made.

Angela is very much her own character. She’s not quite a hero. She’s not quite a villain. She’s in a category all her own and that makes her both sympathetic, but just enough of a bitch to be badass. It took a while to establish this persona and this comic moved way too damn slowly at times to make readers give a damn. But in the end, it still worked. That’s why I give Angela: Asgard’s Assassin #1 an 8 out of 10. There will be some Spawn fans are still going to be pissed off. There will be some Marvel fans are going to be pissed off. But short of a gallon of morphine and extensive electro-shock therapy, I doubt these fans would ever be satisfied so fuck them. Nuff said!