Showing posts with label Wolverine and the X-men 36. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wolverine and the X-men 36. Show all posts

Monday, October 7, 2013

Overly Deceptive Deception: Wolverine and the X-men #36

The following is my review of Wolverine and the X-men #36, which was posted on PopMatters.com.


Every great magic trick requires deception. In the same way it can pull a rabbit out of a hat or saw a woman in half, it can also make major twists in a story resonate. M. Night Shyamalan made a career out of it and movies like the Sixth Sense made people appreciate it. But in the same way too much deception makes a magic trick look like excessive CGI in a movie, it can also make a twist in the story feel incomplete or downright confusing.

Ever since X-men: Battle of the Atom began, there have been plenty of hints that someone is being deceptive and some are too willing to be deceived. It never seemed clear cut that the future X-men who are trying to convince the Original Five X-men to go back to the past were being truthful. If it were, then a teenage Jean Grey and Cyclops wouldn’t have been convinced that there was something very wrong. While teenagers aren’t known for their ability to uncover deception, they are pretty adept at stubbornly avoiding what doesn’t feel right. Usually they try to avoid something like chores or homework, but few teenagers go to the lengths that Jean and Cyclops have gone through to avoid being sent back to the past. But in Wolverine and the X-men #36, they’re out of places to run and now have to fight their way out. At the same time, however, the deception becomes less subtle.

Unlike the past few issues of Battle of the Atom, Wolverine and the X-men #36 is heavy on action. The characters abandon their efforts to persuade each other through convincing rhetoric and opt to battle one another in hopes that this will somehow get the message across. It’s an approach that would not sit well Charles Xavier, but when emotions are running so high, it’s the only approach that makes sense. However, the emotions aren’t quite as compelling this time around.

The biggest battle of the issue took the form of a psychic battle between Xorna, Emma Frost, the Stepford Cuckoos, and a teenage Jean Grey. On paper, this sounds like the kind of battle people would gladly overpay to see on pay-per-view. It’s Emma Frost battling someone she has many reasons to despise and Jean Grey fighting with her inexperienced psychic abilities for the right to forge her own future. In practice, however, it was only about as epic as a spat in a Jerry Springer re-run.


Now this is to be expected to some extent. Emma Frost’s powers are broken and even with the Stepford Cuckoos, she’s clearly overmatched. However, the way she lashes out against Jean and Xorna lacks the punch of her previous psychic battle with Jean during Grant Morrison’s run in New X-men. She doesn’t make it personal. She just basically whines about Jean Grey’s inability to stay dead. Given the breadth of her hatred of Jean Grey, it came off as shallow and downright childish.

In a similar manner, the battle between Cyclops and the future X-men also fell flat. Even though he committed to helping his younger self, the motivations and emotions fueling the battle were basically cut and pasted from the arguments that Cyclops and Wolverine had during Schism. And the only argument that Cyclops’s teenage self brought to the table was a desire to not be treated like a kid. There’s very little difference between the arguments made in the heat of this battle and the arguments a child makes when he or she whines about not getting their favorite brand of cereal.

This doesn’t make these battles any less meaningful to the story. While each battle lacks depth, they do effectively move the story forward in a way that culminates in a significant realization for Jean Grey. Even without depth, the way in which she comes to this realization is fitting and it’s only reinforced by the way the other future X-men, most notably Deadpool, approach the battle. It’s like a bad hangover after being drunk on emotions. It keeps the battle from becoming too excessive. It also drops some more overt clues about the deceptive undertones in the story.

Outside the battle, similar undertones are revealed when the story catches up with a teenage Iceman and Beast. Having not been heavily involved in the story for the past few issues, it’s fitting to see them follow a different part of the plot. What they discover promises to expose more deception, but the problem is that it isn’t very clear. When Wolverine and the X-men #36 was first solicited, it promised a major twist. And the end does certainly hint at one, but it leaves way too much for the imagination. Unlike M. Night Shyamalan, this issue will evoke more confusion than awe.

The revelations and hints in this issue will mostly likely be explained in future installments. When Battle of the Atom is finally over, these deceptive details may eventually fit into a cohesive narrative. But on its own, Wolverine and the X-men #36 is akin to a magician that uses so much slight-of-hand that it isn’t clear what the trick is. The only obvious implications that can be drawn from this issue is that the future X-men have been lying and those lies are about to be exposed. It would only be more compelling if there were more hints as to what those lies entailed because deception for the sake of deception is no different than confusion.

The underlying plot of X-Men: Battle of the Atom is still strong. The emotions portrayed in this issue and every other issue to date are still meaningful and genuine. But by throwing in a twist without including enough details to reveal why it matters, the plot just stalls. It’s like a chapter of a book that ends in mid-sentence. It may not dissuade anyone from continuing to follow the story, but it does make doing so more difficult.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #36


I don’t pretend to be completely objective in my reviews. I’m sure if I was sober when I wrote them they might be a little more balanced, but who gives a shit about being balanced in the era of Facebook, Twitter, and Fox News? My reviews are meant to appeal to those seeking the assessment of someone whose thoughts are more twisted than bulimic Russian gymnast. I also don’t pretend that the thought of two beautiful women engaging in the psychic equivalent of a street fight doesn’t give me a boner. So please try to keep that in mind as I review Wolverine and the X-men #36. I fully expect my penis to share a good portion of the criticism over the course of this review and while my brain may not always agree, I’ve only got enough blood to use one at a time as I assess the midway point of X-men Battle of the Atom.

I suppose a penis works the same way as a psychic mind in the sense that multi-tasking is damn near impossible. O5 Jean, Xorna, and Emma Frost can’t do battle and keep the rest of the X-men paralyzed at the same time. That’s probably akin to doing a crossword puzzle while trying to stop a hungry wolf with a taste for testicles. It makes for a somewhat awkward moment between O5 Cyclops and his older self where they now have to watch this psychic battle, but to them it just looks like these women are having a contest to see who can look the most constipated. At least the older Cyclops is smart enough to uncover that Xorna is actually Jean, but not the Jean Grey he married. He reveals that she’s just O5 Jean if she never went back to the past. How he figured that out while even Rachel, her own daughter, and Wolverine, the guy obsessed with boning her, couldn’t is downright fucked up. But it’s a fitting kind of fucked up.


Not being psychically paralyzed also has another important benefit. It frees them up to take on the present and future X-men, who arrive on Utopia in time to take yet another stab at convincing them to hand over O5 Cyclops and Jean. It’s like trying to teach evolution to Pat Robertson at this point. And it only ends up with Wolverine and Cyclops giving each other the same dirty look they gave during Schism. That’s not a bad thing since Schism was so fucking awesome, but like masturbation while standing in line at the DMV, it’s hardly the time or the place.

O5 Cyclops effectively cuts off the argument before it could erupt again by blasting Wolverine. And also like masturbation, that shit hasn’t gotten old yet. So after all the running and awkward moments that led to him and O5 Jean seeing each other get dressed, he’s finally pissed enough to fight back. I suppose seeing boobs will do that to any teenage boy. It’ll only make them more determined fight for an opportunity at preserving the memory of those boobs.


But this isn’t the battle my penis has been waiting all week for. The big draw of this issue is Jean Grey vs. Emma Frost Round 2, a battle between two sexy psychics who hate each other’s guts and need little reason to rip out each other’s eyes and frame them. It has all the makings of the most epic psychic battle in the history of the mind. Unfortunately, it’s not even as epic as the last Vin Diesel movie. Now maybe I had unreasonable expectations because unlike the first round, Emma’s powers are broken. She has the Stepford Cuckoos at her side, but they’re just three teenage girls in sexy school girls outfits. Unless Xorna/Jean is a perverted anime fan, that’s not going to be enough to pwn a woman capable of wielding the Phoenix Force.

Xorna really doesn’t seem to break a sweat in taking Emma Frost down in ways that will have hot blonds everywhere mourn like the closure of their favorite hair solon. That’s not to say the battle doesn’t have some revealing moments. While Emma looks more humiliated than a girl who had her first period in the middle of a dance recital, Xorna hints that her anger over being only Cyclops’s second greatest love is pointless. She also hints that if her younger self doesn’t go back, some really shitty things will happen to both her and Cyclops. Not many details are given, which is another part of what made this battle so underwhelming. I get that the future is fucked up, but without details there’s only so much my penis can do with it.


It’s part of a much bigger problem that becomes way too apparent in this issue, even for a drunk. The future X-men are just way too fucking vague on what why the future is so fucked. Even Kitty Pryde and Rachel Grey, who did a total 180 after being all for sending the O5 X-men back to the past, find that distressing as they’re basically barred from participating in the battle. That doesn’t stop Rachel from calling out Kate Pryde, who she knew in the Days of Futures Past timeline, about how their approach makes less sense than the Dark Knight Rises. She basically went from someone who fought in a world where all mutants were fucked to ganging up on a couple of teenage mutants. That’s like Ghandi going from a hunger strike to kicking dirt in the face of a kid on the beach. Yet still, we don’t get any details that make it less fucked up.


To their credit, the present and future X-men do their best to avoid coming off as every bully in every Karate Kid movie ever made. O5 Cyclops and his older self fight together against the present and future X-men. It makes for a pretty awkward moment between both teams, so much so that Beast actually laments on what a dick move it was to bring the O5 to the present in the first place. Since it’s a little late to wipe away the shit he’s done, he still comes off as a total douche. It still makes for a fitting moment where O5 Cyclops and his older self work together, but not before O5 Cyclops reminds him that he still hates what he has become and will do everything he can to not be him when he grows up. It’s fitting, yet awkward in a very appropriate way.

Conversely, O5 Jean is now all alone in her battle against Xorna/Jean. With Emma Frost now out of the picture, she’s the only one who can stop herself. Again, it’s awkward yet fitting. And since O5 Jean’s powers aren’t broken, she fares much better against Xorna. Even though Xorna is supposed to be a more experienced psychic, she’s going up against a version of herself that is being fueled by teenage melodrama and raging hormones. It’s like the Hulk battling She-Hulk when she’s on her period. It’s an ugly battle. It’s still not as epic as it could be, but that doesn’t make it any less satisfying.


With so many battles going on, it’s easy to forget that O5 Iceman and O5 Beast are still part of the story. They were basically left behind to watch TV and change Shogo’s diapers while the others went after O5 Cyclops and O5 Jean Grey. Yet even they seem suspicious of the future X-men. That or watching too much reality TV has destroyed their hope for the future anyways. They finally get in on the action when Magik, who went MIA abruptly in the previous issue, shows up to take them to the future. Magik had already visited the future in the very first scene of Battle of the Atom. She’s in a position to know how full of shit the future X-men may be. So rather than relying on a Google search, she offers to take the two of them to the future. O5 Iceman even makes a subtle Back to the Future 2 reference, which helps alleviate any sentiment some may have about there being way too much time travel in the X-men comics.


While it’s nice to see some dangling plots from the previous issue get addressed, the biggest moment in this issue comes from the psychic battle between O5 Jean and Xorna. It ends up being way bigger than the battle between Jean and Emma, which may or may not disappoint some. I know my penis is disappointed, but in terms of the story this battle leads to a major turning point. So far, O5 Jean has been pretty damn stubborn about not going back to the past. She’s not going to be convinced that she should go back unless she sees a damn good reason. Well in battling Xorna, she gets that reason and changes her mind faster than Mitt Romney during an election year.

In the course of the psychic battle, O5 Jean chides her older self in trying to determine what made her such a bitch. Xorna refuses to reveal the details, saying it’s not safe for a teenage girl. I could probably say the same thing about giving a teenage girl her ex-boyfriend’s Facebook password. But that doesn’t stop O5 Jean from forcibly prying the information out of her mind. And when she sees it, it’s so fucking terrifying that she can’t get to the past fast enough. Again, there are no details whatsoever. How bad could it have been? Did she have sex change at some point? Do all mutants become slaves on a reality show run by Donald Trump? There’s no fucking hint whatsoever at what it may be and it’s pretty fucking annoying.


Whatever she saw, it was enough for O5 Jean to end the battle and convince O5 Cyclops that it was time to go back to the past. And since he saw her tits, he’s going to do whatever she says. She even stops Deadpool when he’s in the middle of giving a speech about how fucked the future is. But once again, there’s another hint that the future X-men may be bullshitting their past selves. It’s still hard to get too excited when there are no details whatsoever on the extent of how fucked or unfucked this future is. For all we know, it’s just bad because Ted Cruz became President. There’s really nothing to go on.


When this comic was first solicited, it hinted that there would be a major twist at the end. Well, it has been a while since I saw the Sixth Sense, but I still remember what a big twist in a story feels like and I didn’t get that feeling here. All I saw was O5 Iceman and Beast follow Magik into the future where they meet yet another team of future X-men. And for some reason, they have a bunch of sentinels on their side and the Jean Grey Institute is still intact. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t constitute an apocalyptic future. I’m also pretty sure this is further proof that the future X-men are bullshitting their past selves. I’m just not sure if this qualifies as a twist I should get excited about. Maybe it’s just the disappointment my penis is still feeling, but I didn’t feel all that surprised by this ending. I just felt confused and that’s not a good feeling after multiple bong hits.


This issue offers a harsh reminder of why it’s not always a good idea to read comics while stoned. It’s easy enough to get confused by the smell of the ink and how it smells like Doritos. It’s much harder to understand where the bullshit ends and the lies begin. This issue was heavy on action, much more so than previous issues. That made my penis happy to some extent, albeit not as much as I had hoped. But the deceptive undertones made me interpret this comic the same way a dog interprets a fake hot dog. I get that someone is lying and someone is trying to screw the O5 X-men over. I’m just not sure why I should be as shocked as a kid that just discovered internet porn. Wolverine and the X-men #36 keeps the plot moving forward. For that, I give it a 6 out of 10. It just does so in a way that leaves way too much to the imagination and for an imagination like mine that turns my ex-girlfriend’s old sex toys into bongs, that’s downright dangerous. Nuff said!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Wolverine and the X-men #36 PREVIEW - Telling Hints and Epic Battles

It's a good sign when a comic book arc is so awesome that even the previews get the blood pumping and the panties soaked. That or it could be a bad batch of blow. I'm going to assume it's a little a both. X-men Battle of the Atom is nearing the halfway point and so far it has succeeded in telling an epic time travel story that doesn't suck and doesn't involve Michael J. Fox. The struggle between the past, present, and future X-men effectively encompasses all the right elements of what it means to be X-men. Going all the way back to the first issue 50 years ago, this story has embodied so much of what has made X-men awesome of the past few decades. However, I think even Jack Kirby himself would be a little anxious about fans looking forward to an issue that involves two beautiful women engaging in a psychic brawl. And the promise of that brawl is what should get everyone excited about Newsarama's preview for Wolverine and the X-men #36, which marks the fifth part in the event and the convergance of multiple clusterfucks.


But it's not just the promise of "Emma Frost and Jean Grey: The Epic Rematch That Countless Male Fans and their Penises have been Waiting for" that gives the next issue its appeal. It's worth mentioning again to those who have good pot dealers that this is the halfway point. There's still a whole other half of comics to fill this event with awesome. So as important as the Jean/Emma rematch is, it is NOT the final showdown.

  
The preview doesn't reveal much about the battle between Emma and Jean Grey. But if Cyclops is right (and let's face it, this man is an expert in telepaths given the ones he's banged), then the battle between Xorna/Jean, Emma Frost, the Stepford Cuckoos, and O5 Jean Grey should be more epic than the final battle scene in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and the Chitari invasion in the Avengers movie combined. We don't get to see it, but I'm pretty sure that's just Marvel being a cocktease and like my dick at a strip club, I don't think anyone minds waiting for something that promises to be so awesome. But there's something else in this preview that's worth noting.

It wasn't that long ago that Wolverine and Cyclops went beyond just scolding each other over who got to bang Jean Grey and beat the living shit out of one another. That battle was part of what made Schism such an epic battle and a major turning point for the X-men. It led to the beginning of the Jean Grey Institute and the beginning of the end for Utopia. And the main argument Wolverine made back then, which he repeats right here in this preview, is that kids shouldn't be thrust into battles like this. It's not an invalid point to make. It's like saying nobody should take a piss on a sleeping polar bear. It's not going to end well.

The problem is Wolverine is making this argument after he did the same fucking thing that Cyclops did. Just a few issues ago in All New X-men, he led the O5 into a battle against Hydra and Mystique. This isn't Toad or or some purse snatcher along Miami Beach. This is fucking Hydra and Mystique. He didn't have to drag them into that fight, but he did. And the O5 chose to be in that fight in the same way Cyclops's students chose to be part of his revolution. I know the Cyclops haters will cry bullshit, but I also feel compelled to point out that Cyclops let one of his students go home after he chose not to stay. That mutant was Fabio and he didn't try and stop him. Fabio only ended up coming back when he got screwed over by SHIELD in ways that would make the ACLU shit themselves. Yet Wolverine is still going to bust Cyclops's balls? I'm sorry, but he's losing his credibility faster than the Cleveland Browns lost their last game.

I like the effects Schism has had on the X-books, but those effects sort of lose their impact when one side of the schism is full of shit. I like Wolverine and I would prefer that he leave the hypocritical bullshit to the Dr. Dooms of the world. But part of the strength of Battle of the Atom has been a bitter struggle between the O5's desire to stay and fix the future and the X-men's desire to not fuck up the timeline. And this old argument isn't helping that. It's just making Wolverine look too much like a douche. I can only hope that the bonerific battle between Emma and Jean Grey makes up for it. Nuff said!