Saturday, December 12, 2015

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE Official Trailer: Apocalyptic Odds

In the old X-men Animated Series, also known as the GREATEST CARTOON EVER, Apocalypse had one line that best summed up what an evil badass he was. He said this:

"There is no freedom from me. There is only freedom through me!"

THAT'S Apocalypse. That's who he is. Of all the complex villains in X-men history, he's probably the most basic. He's a mutant with god-like power, a god-like ego, and a god-like grudge against the weak. Surely, Fox is incapable of fucking up a movie with a character like this. I want to believe it. But time and again, Fox has proven that they're capable of fucking up any character. Just ask Dr. Doom.

That said, I do concede that Fox has done a better job minimizing their fuck-ups with X-men than it has Fantastic Four. I think Bryan Singer is a douche, but he's WAY better than Josh Trank. Pretty sure that shit is beyond dispute.

Singer indirectly admitted he let shit get really fucked up in the X-men movies when he left to make Superman a deadbeat dad when he rebooted the entire X-men canon in X-men: Days of Future Past. Pretty much everything from that movies is now as meaningful as David Hasselhoff's music career. It's probably for the best. Aside from Mystique running around naked, those movies were basically an elaborate circle jerk of stories centered around Wolverine whining about a woman he never got to fuck.

Fox now has a clean slate to work with. They shit all over the clean slate they had with Fantastic Four. Now, this might be their last chance to prove they can't fuck it up. And the trailer finally came out this past week, minus Ivan Ooze. So will it work? Will Singer avoid Trank's mistakes? I don't know. All I know is that Sophie Turner looks fucking gorgeous.


Even if this movie finds a way NOT to suck, the cards are already stacked against it. X-men Apocalypse isn't just battling other Marvel movies next summer. It also has to deal with Batman v. Superman and Independence Day as competition. And Marvel has proven time and again that even their sub-par movies beat the shit out of Fox's best. This is a movie destined to get swallowed up by the collective efforts of the Justice League, the Avengers, and Jeff Goldbloom. So put on some adamantium-coated underwear, X-men fans. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

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