New Sexy Side-Project: The New Red Queen

Summer is over. Beaches are empty. Christmas decorations are already popping up in malls. I know. I’m dreading it too. It’s going to get cold again. That means lying naked on my porch, reading comics and soaking up sun, is going to be a lot harder now and not just because the neighbors keep complaining. I’ve always found that it’s easier to have fun when you have the option of taking clothes off. Winter hinders that considerably. For that reason, the time is perfect for another one of my sexy side-projects.

It’s been a while since I’ve done something overly sexy. With the end of Broken Legacy, I’ve had time to flesh out an idea that I hoped to get around to at some point. A while back, I swallowed my current disdain for Peter Parker and wrote a Spider-Man story called “Spider-Man and the Prostitute.” This story basically centered around a few very important tweaks to Spider-Man’s life, namely the life that Mary Jane Watson lived. In case you’ve forgotten, Mary Jane Watson looks like this.

You may have forgotten, but I promise your penis didn’t. For reasons that should be extremely obvious to those with a functioning penis, Mary Jane’s story tends to be more compelling than Peter Parker’s. She looks better in skin-tight outfits, she has more personality, and she doesn’t threaten to quit her job every other week. I took those traits and crafted a new backstory for her, namely one that led her into a life of prostitution. It’s not “Pretty Woman.” It’s not a bad reality show on VH1 either. It’s just a story that allows Mary Jane to be sexy as hell, as she deserves to be.

I got such a good response from that story that I’ve decided to do a sequel. I actually had an idea for a sequel before the first story was even finished. It came when I was developing Mary Jane’s alternate history in this story. I mentioned, at one point, that she worked as a stripper at the Hellfire Club. In case you or your penis have forgotten, that’s the same Hellfire Club where Emma Frost once worked and Emma Frost looks like this.

I’ll give everyone a minute to change their underwear. Done? Well, I’m going to dig a little deeper into that story because as sexy as Mary Jane Watson is, her sexiness can only be enhanced with Emma Frost. There aren’t many women who can come close to matching her. Emma Frost is among those few.

So with that, I’m proud to announce the official sequel to “Spider-Man and the Prostitute.” Just as before, this will be a multi-part series. It takes place shortly after the events of the first story, but there will be plenty of flashbacks along the way that should offer more insight. I’ll try to make sure that insight is sexy as hell. Since it’s going to get cold out soon, I think the timing couldn’t be better.

The New Red Queen

Chapter One: Old Colleague

Just like the last story, this isn’t going to be one of those stories that involves Spider-Man fighting the Green Goblin or any shit like that. This story is a sexy side project. That means it’ll emphasize the sexiness in all sorts of ways that aren’t suitable for children or anyone who still watches the shitty cartoons that Disney still airs. If you’re at all offended or uncomfortable with that, then this isn’t for you. You’ll just have to find other ways of staying warm this winter. For everyone else, I hope the extra sexiness warms you up!