Batman Beyond #8 - Blacked Out Awesome

It's almost here! The big DC relaunch is almost upon us! And here I am reviewing a book that really won't be affected by it. I don't know if that's luck, karma, or my tenancy to fuck with DC. Either way, it's hard to ignore at this point. It would be like coming home from work and ignoring a massive orgy with out-of-work penthouse models, midget wrestlers, and a donkey. It just can't be done. So I'm not going to try as I review Batman Beyond #8. I've been following this series since DC decided to dust this old idea off, give it a fresh enema of awesome, and relaunch it. For the most part, it's been pretty damn awesome. Even with the DC relaunch waving it's dick in the face of the comic industry, it still is able to stand out.

The first mini was about bringing in new enemies and revisiting old faces that never showed up in the cartoon. The new series took it a bit further, mixing both new characters and old. We got to see a new villain who was corny as hell that called himself Matter Master. We also got to see the future Justice League. Then in the last arc, Derek Powers (future DC's equivalent of Rupert Murdoch) returned as Blight and tried to fuck up both Batman and his son. It ended with him dissolving in a puddle of radioactive ooze while Bruce was left to undo the damage done by Powers's lawyers, which in an of itself should have been an equally epic battle. So by and large, the series has done a great job balancing new stories and old stories. The cynic in me says that it's only a matter of time before a story comes along that throws that balance out of whack. That or it's just the voice in my head that keeps telling me to drink more whiskey, but it's hard to tell.

Batman Beyond #8 may or may not be that book those voices were warning me about. Whereas the last arc reintroduced Derek Powers, this one revisits the second major villain that Terry McGinnis confronted when he put on the mask: Inque. Who is Inque? Picture a homicidal goth with shape-shifting abilities. She's like Mystique, only harder to masturbate to. She was one of Terry's most tenacious and frustrating foes, leading to moments that did push the Kids WB censors (let's just say they had to be tactful for a scene where Terry threw up black globs of ooze). This issue starts out with yet another battle between Inque and Batman. And when I say it starts out I mean there's no fucking build-up whatsoever. We walk in on the fight the same way a mother walks in on her 12-year-old son with a Victoria's Secret catalog in one hand and himself in the other. It's not quite as jarring, but it is a little unnerving.

If you've watched Batman Beyond, you'll see plenty of familiar shit. Whenever Inque and Batman are within spitting distance of one another, they see fit to beat the everloving shit out of one another. Now it's not clear why they're fighting. I'm assuming Inque hijacked a truck full of orphans or something, but I think the point of this scene is just to demonstrate that Inque is really badass and can rough up Batman and a bunch of Gotham's finest. If that was the goal, then I would say the defense rests.

However, it isn't enough for Inque to just rough up some cops. Remember, this is a comic. DC doesn't have to abide by those pussy Kids WB rules. That means they can be a little ediger this time. That means she can take full advantage of her Inque form and literally ram herself down a guy's throat and not in the way that makes for awesome gay porn. She can get in, fuck up their insides, and get out in a way that's worse than dry heaving over a dirty toilet in Tijuana. It's groteque and graphic. You'll never see that shit on TV, which makes it all the more awesome to witness in a comic.

This is something I was hoping that this series would do. Comics can afford to be a little edgier here. I'm not saying that Inque should become a tentacle monster and impersonate Japanese anime porn, but DC shouldn't be afraid to go a bit further than they did with the cartoon. I liked this scene and there have been a handful of others. I hope there are more in future issues because I'm just so sick of the FCC's bullshit.

There's no feel-good ending to this little scuffle. Batman doesn't outsmart Inque, encase her in ice, or wrap her up in a nice bow for the police to take in. Like most white collar criminals, the bad guy gets away this time. Inque roughed up Batman, but didn't stick around to finish him off. She's found out in previous battles that pushing her luck with Batman is like waving your dick at the IRS. He finds a way to make you regret it. So while Terry is pulling himself together and trying to assemble what's left of his dignity, Inque gets away. It's not the first time it's happened in Batman Beyond. It probably won't be the last. However, this is the point where the comic takes a defining turn that will leave some dizzy and others sick to their stomachs.

Start rolling your eyes because the clip show begins here! That's right, the rest of this comic is basically a fucking clip show in the form of a flashback. I remember clip shows. They annoyed the fuck out of me. They never moved the story forward. They were gimmicks so cheap that a billion of them couldn't get you a hand-job from a Zimbabwe hooker. But this isn't entirely a clip show equivalent. It's one big flashback that re-tell's Inque's past. It's actually a solid concept because we don't know shit about where Inque came from, but now they're telling us in this issue...the whole fucking issue. So yeah, if you don't care for flashbacks you're fucked.

It's pretty basic. Picture every Oliver Twist knock-off you ever heard. Inque's life is one of great tragedy. Her country was a shit hole. She grew up in a shit hole. So it's really not too surprising that she had some shitty luck that landed her on the black market looking to survive. I know it's gritty and tragic, but it's been done before. And there are real stories in the real world that are just this bad. Basically parodying them like this without any real depth is a dick move.

The weepy tragedy angel continues. Inque somehow gets smuggled into America the same way the Mexicans are smuggled in to do shitty jobs for shittier pay. So basically, Lou Dobs wants this woman dead. She's hungry and desperate so when some guy comes along asking her to be part of some fucked up medical experiment, she doesn't even think. Because when you're hungry, you'll let someone shoot you with animal jizz if it will get you a hot meal. So that's what happens. She ends up in a lab where she gets pumped full of mutagen among other things.

What are those other things? Well it's semen mostly. That's because she gets pregnant and has a baby. Remember, she did have a kid in the cartoon, but of course the show would never tell the story of a war refugee who gets raped and impregnated. She has the kid, but puts her up for adoption because she knows her life is fucked. That's when shit starts getting fucked up. That mutagen along with the semen really didn't react well so she started becoming more Inque-like. Thus begins her life as a Batman villain.

The problem with this teary eyed bullshit is it makes her too damn sympathetic. So she had such a rough life and we're supposed to feel sorry for her when she maims cops? And as soon as she gets her powers, she has absolutely nor problems maiming people for money? Sorry, but there's tragic and then there's just tragic for the sake of being tragic. It's eye-rolling to the point where you think it gives a bad name to the real orphans of the world. DC just tried way too fucking hard with Inque. That or they didn't try hard enough. It's hard to tell.

Needless to say, her daughter wasn't too thrilled to find out that her mother was a sociopath that overplayed the tragedy role. So it's hard to imagine why she would be surprised when her daughter screwed her over in one of the most ironic and satisfying moments in the Batman cartoon. But like all good villains, Inque survived and kept an eye on her daughter. Even though her daughter ran off with all her money, she just shrugged her shoulders and kept watching her. Wait what? She didn't do shit about her own daughter trying to kill her? Okay, that's pushing it even further. I get that Inque's life sucks, but trying to make up for it like this is fucking stupid.

But it's not all doom and gloom. There are actually some answers within this issue. Like how the fuck did Inque pull her sloppy ass together after her daughter screwed her over? Well simply put, she had help. Your typical mystery man in a lab coat shows up and offers her a hit of mutagen. And like a crack addict in withdraw, she jumps at the chance. This explains how she was able to show up in the first place so that's one major plot hole filled. It's doesn't completely overshadow the many eye-rolling aspects of this issue, but it does show that DC hasn't forgotten the stories that led up to this one and made an effort to fill them.

So now Inque is back and somewhat coherent. So what does she do? She goes back to her daughter. Yes, the same one that tried to kill her and take her money. Now this is usually an incident where corporal punishment is more than appropriate, but Inque has something different in mind. As it just so happens, her daughter is in a hospital bed. Being the daughter of someone who sucked up mutagen the same way Glenn Buck sucks the life out of logic, it's going to affect her. Now it looks like she may follow in dear mommy's footsteps and rather than spare her the discomfort she decides to make it worse. It's tough parenting, but given that teenage girls are probably still spoiled as fuck in the future I won't say it's completely inappropriate. Plus, it sets the stage for yet another Inque plot. We still had to go through an entire fucking clip show to get it, but it could have been worse.

Now let's state the obvious here. Not a whole hell of a lot happened in this issue. It was the comic book equivalent of a clips show. While it did fill in an old plot hole and give some overdue depth to a pretty badass character, it didn't do much with it. The reader might as well be in a lecture hall in college, getting lectured on the history of the sordid subject that is Inque without falling asleep or playing Angry Birds on your cell phone. Aside from the fight in the beginning, of which no explanation is given, there isn't a lot of action to speak of. It doesn't tie into the plots of the previous issue. It doesn't offer any progression from previous arcs. It almost feels like this should have been a one-shot for all Inque fans out there...all seven of them. This issue was essentially in a no-win situation. I respect what DC and Adam Beechen were trying to do here, but it might as well be trying to paint the Mona Lisa with a jar of spit.

Now I'm glad Beechen took some time to flesh Inque out. The problem is she's made into too much of a tragic character. She's the victim of a war, she's a mother, and she just wants to do what she thinks is best. Well, that really doesn't jive well with who she was in the show. In the show, Inque was an unapologetic sociopath that would gladly choke a police officer to death with her inky form and not bat an eye. That's not too tragic. Where at any point in this vignette did she become okay with maiming people? Where at any point did she completely lose her moral compass? That's not clear at any point. In fact, it's a big ass plot hole that makes it difficult to feel sorry for Inque let alone appreciate her story. While it does hint that there could be an interesting plot with her daughter unfolding, it still feels underwhelming by the sheer lack of coherence.

So I guess the voices in my head were right for once. I did get that extra bottle of whiskey and this was an issue that threw the careful balance of the previous stories out of whack. I can't completely step on it for revisiting a character from the show and trying to tell a story they never would have gotten past network censors. However, I can wave my proverbial finger at them for not tying it into the recent events of the series. It's an anomaly that is like a masseuse giving you a kick in the balls between the back rub and the happy ending. It's not a horrible story, but in the greater scheme of the series it does fall flat. So I'm left to give Batman Beyond #8 a 2 out of 5. This comic wasn't so terrible that I'm inclined to give up on the series, but this was a poor issue and one that DC should try hard to improve upon. Nuff said!

Brightest Day #11 - Dark Awesome

Every two weeks I'm inclined to pay my routine tribute to DC comics. This has been the longest stretch of time in over a decade where I've routinely ponied up my hard earned cash for a single ongoing series. It used to be DC comics couldn't hold my interest in the same way Lost couldn't hold my interest. So much was going on and unless you were stoned, it wasn't going to knock your socks off. Well then Blackest Night happened and the ongoing Brightest Day followed up and let's just say I've been walking barefoot ever since! Brightest Day remains one of the most consistently quality stories in comics right now. Not only is it biweekly, but the damn thing only costs $2.99 when most comics these days cost a buck extra. It's a better deal than the five dollar foot long.

Since issue one (or zero if you want to be technical) Brightest Day has followed the story of characters who returned from the ashes of Blackest Night. They've all played a part in the unfolding world of the new DCU status quo. It took a number of issues to set up, but in recent months the action has really escalated. There's a lot more focus on certain character plots. The ones most prominent have been that of Firestorm and Aquaman. The Aquaman plot has spun out of the white lantern, which thanks to Boston Brand (Deadman for all you folks too lazy to use wikipedia) is seeking a new guardian. That guardian is tied to a new Aqualad, who happens to be the son of Black Manta (go on, use wikipedia this time). So somehow the battle for this kid will determine what happens with the White Lantern. It's like a struggle for the keys to a new Ferrari or the combination to Scarlett Johanssen's underwear drawer.

While the Aquaman issue has been unfolding for a few issues, now the last issue revisited the story with Firestorm. Since the beginning of Brightest Day their story has been mostly the tired college drama you would find on MTV reality shows. Some guy's girlfriend is dead because some other guy had the audacity to come back from the dead and merge with the Firestorm matrix. It's basically the plot of no fewer than two seasons of the Real World. Now Jason and Ronnie, the two sides of the Firestorm matrix, have learned how their mutual hatred for one another had the potential to cause another big bang. While this offers a much stronger incentive to forgive and forget, some of Ronnie's old demons literally come back to haunt them in the form of the Black Lantern corps. Apparently not everyone died or re-died as it were in Blackest Night. The Firestorm Black Lantern was just buying his time and having a big bang in his hip pocket leaves him in pretty good position to kick some ass.

So this new Firestorm seems eager to learn about this deadly power Professor Stein has uncovered. He basically comes off as having the maturity of a college frat boy who claims to know the secret of the universe. So in that sense, he's an accurate representation of no fewer than 60 college stereotypes. And like a college stereotype, he's not inclined to study for answers. He does the equivalent of buying his essay off the internet and absorbs Professor Stein in hopes of uncovering the full potential to his power.

There's then a quick interlude of the battle between Aquaman and Black Manta. It's really an old school style brawl, a classic comic character battling his arch rival in the Lex Luthor vs. Superman tradition. However, the stakes are extra high in this one. Black Manta seems a lot less like his sinister self in that he's fighting for control over his son (granted, the same son he apparently abandoned, but still). Aquaman is trying to keep those influences away from him and understandably so. However, as old school as this battle is there isn't much of a spectacle here. It's basically like a reminder to the reader that there is a fight going on and that's about it. Plus it only lasts two pages. It's basically some filler to cover the gaps with the Firestorm arc.

This is really Firestorm and Deathstorm's issue to shine. Jason and Ronnie are facing their darkest half and for once Professor Stein isn't going to bail them out. Now it's not entirely clear just how Deathstorm is using Stein. He just seems to be fooling around with his powers, not using that whole big bang thing that Stein described in the last issue. You would think that someone with the maturity level of a drunk college student couldn't resist the temptation to use it. But instead he just harasses Ronnie and Jason. That's a little underhanded, but it does give Jason and Ronnie time to set aside the whole I-killed-your-girlfriend bit and join forces as Firestorm again. In terms of being an evil villain, Deathstorm is already proving to be pretty incompetent. But that's forgivable from a reader's perspective because it makes for some awesome moments with Firestorm.

This ends up being another short scene, like a prelude for the fight to come. The story goes right back to Black Manta and Aquaman. There's not a whole lot of overbloated dialogue here. There's just an all out brawl and even in a story as deep as Brightest Day, there's nothing wrong with that! It's like porn. There will always be a place for deeper stories, but there are just some times you want to look at pretty things that will get your juices flowing! The art here really shines and the old school style struggle with Aquaman and Black Manta really shines. It unfolds nicely, but eventually someone had to gain the upper hand. In this case it's Black Manta. He's the one fighting for his son so he kicks just enough extra ass to make Aquaman regret coming back from the dead.

This battle appears to be the simpler plot of the comic and like each scene so far, it doesn't last long because the story bounces back to the Firestorm/Deathstorm arc. Now at this point readers may be feeling a bit of vertigo because this issue is bouncing around so much. If your brain is prone to falling out of your skull, now is a good time to take a breather. But the story is still worth following here.

Now that Deathstorm has to contend with Jason and Ronnie, he tries to make it personal again. To do this he brings Jason's father, Alan Rusch into the fold. Now it's not quite clear what kind of strategy Deathstorm is employing. It's not entirely reckless though. If you want to psyche out Firestorm, a good way to do it is piss off a part of it. In this case that part is Jason and unlike the Mafia, Deathstorm isn't afraid to go after family. He sucks in Alan the same way he sucks in Professor Stein. Before Firestorm can even begin to fight back, he flies off. So basically that means for everything that's happened so far Firestorm and Deathstorm have yet to really fight. It seems like a shortcoming, but the stage is being set for something here. It's just taking much longer than it should to unfold.

Now at this point you gotta hold onto your brain again because the story heads right back to Aquaman and Black Manta. Now to this point Black Manta still has the upper hand just as the baby daddy always has the upper hand in all things outside Maury Povich. He keeps messing with Aquaman, letting his actions do most of the talking here. There's not nearly the same dialogue as there is with the Deathstorm struggle and that's not a bad thing. It's a lot easier to follow here. You don't need to study astrophysics at Oxford to follow it. You don't even need to graduate the third grade to follow it. This is especially apparent in the way that Aquaman turns the tables on Black Manta. He uses an oncoming truck. Even in a superhero comic, there's just no substitute for road rage.

This renders Black Manta officially pwned and humiliated, allowing Aquaman to escape with the new Aqualad (his name is Jackson for all those who skipped that part). This effectively puts a stop to that battle and then resumes the chase with Deathstorm.

Finally, it's getting a bit more coherent. Firestorm chases Deathstorm to his destination. It turns out he was heading straight towards the White Lantern, which Boston Brand found earlier. Now Boston is nowhere in sight and neither are the White Lanterns. So that seems like a bit of a head-scratcher. But wherever he is, Deathstorm takes advantage of his absence and starts corrupting this power that has been at the center of the Brightest Day series since the first page. It immediately upgrades Deathstorm's hit-points in terms of evil from a 10 to a 70 because he's got ambition as well as balls. And with it, he does something that should make Blackest Night fans run naked through the streets while high on ecstasy. He resurrects the Black Lantern Corps.

If ever there was a stage to be set for a battle of cosmic proportions, this is it! Now most should probably have forgotten that whole lack of a fight between Deathstorm and Firestorm. That would have been too easy. Throw in the entire Black Lantern Corps and you've got something that's the awesomeness equivalent of the Death Star! It definite kicks everything up a notch within this series.

While this battle is being waged, the struggle is still unfolding for Aquaman and the new Aqualad. They've left Black Manta behind and are in search of their next battle. For whatever reason, Jackson is the key and Aquaman helps him figure it out. It's not entirely clear what he does, but he manages to open up that sealed case his father gave him earlier to reveal a map that's supposed to tell them where they have to go next. Once again, Brightest Day shows how well-thought out it is because the next destination further ties into the other plots that have been unfolding within the series. Their next trip will be to Mars, where the Martian Manhunter has been caught up in a search of his own. He hasn't shown up in Brightest Day in a few issues. Now it looks like he's going to finally get the spotlight again along with the Black Lanterns. It's like the end of an episode of House. The answers fall into place and Dr. House winds up looking more awesome. He's not even in this comic, but even he would celebrate the end of this issue with an extra helping of Vicodin.

So once again, Brightest Day proves why it's still the most reliable source of awesome from DC. This issue was heavy on the action and the foreboding, showing old school battles with Aquaman and Black Manta alongside new school battles with the Black Lantern Corps. It's like both schools coming together in a way that doesn't piss off the teacher unions! Only someone like Geoff Johns could pull that shit off and it makes this issue a worthy contribution to this series.

Now I do have some criticisms this time. I've caught some flack in the pass for overlooking flaws within this series and giving perfect scores out in the same way Paris Hilton gives out blow jobs. But there are some more serious issues this time around. What really made this issue a bit of a struggle was the pacing. The scenes changed every couple of pages and there wasn't nearly the kind of flow that made the other issues so easy to follow. First it's Deathstorm, then Aquaman, then Deathstorm again, and then back to Aquaman. It made everything more choppy than was necessary. If it were a boat, everybody on board would get sea sick and blow chunks into the nearest school of leaping dolphins.

Confusing or not, the content is still up to par and that's really the most important part of comics like this. You can overlook the seeming lack of organization if the material is still awesome. So while I can't give this book a perfect score like all the others, I can still give it a stellar 4.5 out of 5. Hopefully the next issue won't fly over everybody's head and be a bit more coherent. But with all the big stories set up in this issue, there's a shit ton of reasons to still celebrate the awesome of Brightest Day! Nuff said.