Royal Vulnerabilities and Regal Strength: Mera: Queen of Atlantis #1

The following is my review of Mera: Queen of Atlantis #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In the vast, diverse structure of the fantasy genre, there are few concepts more straightforward than that of royalty. Whether it's part of the vast world-building carried out by the likes of J. R. R. Tolkien in Lord of the Rings or the bloody feuds that fuel Game of Thrones, the roles associated with royalty tend to be the simplest part of the narrative. There's a king who rules a kingdom with a queen at his side. If there are any princes and princesses involved, then chances are that'll be a source of conflict.

In recent years, thanks largely to those same blood feuds that play out in Game of Thrones, these structures of royalty are getting an overdue dose of complexity. It's no longer enough to just craft stories around a king who rules, a queen who supports him, and bratty children who whine about who's in line for the throne. It's now more likely to see queens fighting to play a more active role in royal affairs, often beyond those of just managing said bratty children.

Few queens enjoy a greater sense of equality with her king than that of Mera, the wife and companion of Aquaman. There are plenty of jokes about Aquaman, his role in the Justice League, and his ability to talk to fish. Few, however, dare to joke about Mera. She's not just a queen, a lover, and a spouse. She's a powerful character in her own right who has always been able to hold her own against the many threats that plague the DC universe. She won't just support her king. She'll make him stronger while showing off her own strength.

Given these trends in the fantasy genre, Mera: Queen of Atlantis #1 is coming along at the perfect time. Between Disney movies featuring more princess that don't need rescuing, Mera is in prime position to show that she's the kind of queen who can hold her own in any kingdom, from Mount Doom to Westeros. Dan Abnett and Lan Medina put her in a position where she does not have the usual resources, privileges, and servants of a typical queen.

However, she still has the kinds of roles, responsibilities, and vulnerabilities that plague all levels of royalty. There are no dragons or magic rings involved, but Mera's tenuous predicament helps flesh out why she's better-equipped to handle royal responsibilities than most. The story surrounding that predicament spin right out of the ongoing events of Aquaman. These aren't trivial events either. Atlantis is in the midst of a civil war that has already stripped Arthur of his crown and Rath, a man who treats royal power like cheat codes on a real-time strategy game, is now king.

The events of that conflict are still unfolding, but Mera finds herself stuck on the sidelines due to an injury that forces her to remain on the surface, away from the battle, and away from Arthur's side. It's a difficult position, one that requires more than just waiting. Due to the same royal traditions that make civil wars so common in the first place, Mera is still the official queen of Atlantis while Arthur is technically deposed. That technicality means Mera is more vulnerable than most royal figures with one too many jealous siblings.

Abnett and Medina don't give her much time to heal or enjoy her time away from the civil war. She's the target of assassination almost immediately, requiring her to defend herself at a time when she's severely weakened and without support. Even so, she still manages to hold her own. She still shows that she's every bit as capable as Aquaman, even when he's not there to support her. She proves that she's the kind of queen that every idealistic princess wishes hopes they can be before they end up having to marry their cousin.

Mera surviving on her own, at a time when powerful people have more incentive than usual to kill a queen, also provides greater insight into the kind of character she is. Throughout the story, these insights explore Mera's burdens and ambitions. For those who only know Mera as the redheaded mermaid woman who fights beside Aquaman, it provides layers and complexity to a character who rarely gets a chance to shine outside of being a wife and queen.

At her core, Mera embodies the old royal traditions of duty to the letter. She starts out as an assassin on behalf of Xebel, a hated rival of Atlantis. She ends up falling in love with Atlantis' future king, only to take on the role of a queen. She acknowledges these duties and the burdens behind them. However, she never whines about them or uses them as an excuse to become bitter. She's the complete antithesis of every evil Disney character that goes onto become an evil king or queen. The burdens of royalty do put stress on her, but they don't break her spirit.

In another testament to her royal strength, Mera doesn't let others do the fighting for her. When Superman and Wonder Woman show up to offer help, she refuses. It never comes off as an act of royal snobbery either. She understands how royal conflicts need to be resolved. Bringing outside forces into the mix only tends to create new complications and new conflicts. Anyone with a passing knowledge of the fantasy genre or a marginal understanding of the history of Medieval Europe can appreciate that approach.

The narrative in Mera: Queen of Atlantis #1 makes abundantly clear that Mera is the kind of queen everyone can root for. She's someone who deserves that title. It's not necessarily a question that needed to be asked or answered. While that undercuts some of the tension, it's still worth reinforcing, especially with the major reveal at the end that promises to test Mera even more. How this plays into the ongoing events in Aquaman remains unclear, but it ensures she'll remain a target.

At the same time, it ensures that much of the conflict in Mera: Queen of Atlantis will remain linked to the civil war playing out in Aquaman. While that helps provide a sense of context to the series, it also hinders certain aspects of the story. It's a story that really can't stand on its own without a basic understanding over those events. Abnett and Medina make a concerted effort to fill in some of those details, but while they help provide connective tissue to those events, they don't necessarily carry the same weight.

In a sense, Mera: Queen of Atlantis #1 is very much a metaphor for Mera's character. Her story is closely tied to that of Aquaman's. As a character, she stands on equal footing with him in terms of strength, spirit, and ability. In terms of her own personal story arc, though, she's still dependent Aquaman's narrative. That still doesn't take away the substance of the story in Mera: Queen of Atlantis #1. Mera is still very much the kind of queen that anyone would be happy to serve. In an era where evil queens and sadistic kings are more prevalent than ever, it's pretty refreshing.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Godhood, Womanhood, and Humanity: Wonder Woman #35

The following is my review of Wonder Woman #35, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

What does it mean to be a goddess? What does it mean to be a warrior? What does it mean to be a mother, daughter, or woman? These are all some of the profound questions that Brian Azzarello has been exploring since his run on Wonder Woman began at the onset of the New 52 relaunch. These questions have been the main driving force in the battles that Wonder Woman has fought. While she hasn't had many clear answers, she has confronted many challenges that have made it very difficult to be the Wonder Woman that inspires feminists and perverse male fantasies alike. And despite plenty of complications and allies/enemies/frenemies, she has always risen to the occasion.

This ability to keep fighting, even in the face of gods and the deranged offspring they sire, is part of what makes Wonder Woman who she is. Since this series began, she has been in a constant fight against an endless horde of gods, demigods, and monsters attempting to ascend to the throne of Olympus. At times, it has been like Game of Thrones, but with less full-frontal nudity.  

Wonder Woman #35 is supposed to be the end of that fight. However, it does not unfold like a heavyweight title fight that people overpay to see on pay-per-view. It's a fight that highlights everything that makes Wonder Woman more than just a woman and a warrior. Essentially, it exposes what makes her so wonderful.

This fight began when Wonder Woman crossed paths with Zola, a young woman who became the latest in the Jerry Springer style affairs of Mount Olympus found out she was pregnant. The fight can only end when the First Born, who claims to be the true heir to Olympus in Zeus' absence, is defeated. In this sense it doesn't just parallel Game of Thrones. It parallels the struggles that have plagued royalty since kings foolishly believed that power struggles wouldn't complicate family affairs. It also sets the stage for a bitter struggle that forces Wonder Woman to fight with more than just her fists.

That said, most of the story is built around the same format as that final boss battles in a Street Fighter game. Wonder Woman gets pretty roughed up by the First Born. Even Poseidon gets involved since no Greco-Roman god misses out on a chance to usurp the power of a family member. It's a struggle where Wonder Woman is badly overmatched in many respects. But instead of following the same formula that every bad sports movie has followed since the Karate Kid, Wonder Woman rises to the occasion in a different way.

While Wonder Woman is a warrior capable of going toe-to-toe with gods, aliens, and the Lex Luthors of the world, she is also capable of great compassion and empathy. In many ways, this acts as one of her greatest warriors as a weapon. And what makes the struggle in Wonder Woman #35 so satisfying is that she uses this weapon to great effect. Her capacity for mercy and compassion help change the tone of the battle at one point. It acts as a reminder that there are more ways to win a battle than just carrying a bigger sword or relying on the infidelities of the gods.

This helps set Wonder Woman apart from the other gods and demigods that surround her. She has a chance at numerous points in the battle to kill. And unlike Batman, she has no issues with killing. She's even pointed out at times that the reason she doesn't have rogues gallery that requires numerous spin-offs and sequels is because she "takes care of them" as she once described it. However, that doesn't always mean slitting throats or snapping necks. As the God of War, she is in a position to kill the First Born, but she doesn't. That alone says a lot about her because the First Born gave her plenty of reasons to be "taken care of."

In many respects, the First Born is the opposite of Wonder Woman. He will not show mercy or compassion. Even when Wonder Woman gives him a chance, he literally throws it away. She even points out his inability to understand these concepts, but in a manner far more effective and painful than therapy or counseling. That's not to say she's exceedingly kind in how she defeats the First Born. She's still a warrior. She can't be too understanding in the same way the Amish can't be too tech savvy. But she gives context to her actions, expressing faith in the ability of even the First Born to learn compassion.

It isn't just the First Born that Wonder Woman tries to beat with compassion either. She needs that same compassion to deal with a striking (and somewhat contrived) revelation about Zola and her son, Zeke. It's another situation that deals in old school royal conflicts that usually don't have peaceful resolutions. But Wonder Woman is able to inspire compassion, even among gods who aren't in a position to make use of it. That inspiration is among her greatest strengths, at least among those who haven't earned her wrath.

But as inspiring as Wonder Woman is, the characters that benefit are lacking in the same depth. The final revelations about Zola and her son are among the weakest parts of this struggle. These revelations are akin to someone being stranded on a desert island for three years only to find out there was a luxury resort with a yacht and a helicopter pad on the other side of the island. It takes away some of the humanity that has helped make Wonder Woman's struggle so compelling. While it does address some plot holes as only depraved Greco-Roman Mythology could, it feels incomplete.

That feeling of incompleteness doesn't detract from Wonder Woman's strengths, but it does detract from the story. Wonder Woman #35 is presented as a culmination of so many plots and conflicts. While it does address the major plots, it negates many of the smaller sub-plots. It still finishes the story, but only to the extent that it took the express lane in lieu of the more enjoyable scenic route. It's a story that has required Wonder Woman to utilize all her strengths for all the right reasons. For her, it's a testament to what makes her one of the most iconic characters in comics, female or otherwise.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 3: Royal Decree is LIVE!

It took way longer than I had hoped, but I'm finally ready to update "Strangers In Paradise." I know. I took way too long. For that, I apologize. There were forces beyond my control delayed my progress. I know it's not a good thing, delaying a story where I'm trying to explore uncharted territory. But I do have a good reason this time. I recently had to undergo some overdue dental surgery. The procedure had some complications, which put me in a world of pain that I still haven't fully recovered from. It was hard enough keeping up-to-date with X-men Supreme. I couldn't find the time I hoped to complete this chapter with the level of quality I wanted. I've finally recovered enough to get the job done. Now it's here.

This is set to be a very emotional chapter. I spent the entire previous chapter just establishing the chemistry between Clark and Diana. Being stuck on an island with nothing but time and youthful hormones can be a dangerous combination. They came together in a way they never could have anticipated. Now Diana's mother and sisters have uncovered her secret. It's going to lead to a very emotional and very difficult conversation that will change the course of her life and Clark's. This is a chapter that I hope is worth the wait for Superman/Wonder Woman fans.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 3: Royal Decree

Barring another major surgical procedure that cripples me with pain, I hope to post the next chapter much sooner. Nuff said!

Melodrama Within the Heat of Battle: Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1

The following is my review of Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

There's a time and a place to deal with personal issues. An all-out alien invasion, is not one of them. There's a reason why there aren't any crossovers between Twilight and War of the Worlds. One conflict just does not accommodate the other. It's like trying to throw a fancy dinner party and a paintball tournament at the same time. It just doesn't work. However, this is often what Superman and Wonder Woman have had to do over the course of their relationship.

Throughout this series, which has created a strong narrative around a blossoming relationship, Superman and Wonder Woman do set time aside to develop their relationship, as all healthy couples do. It has led to many strong, intimate moments in between battles against gods, aliens, and everything in between. Whereas most couples have a hard time planning their private time around work and football games, these two have to find that time when a new global threat seems to enter the picture at least twice a month. Because of this, they often have to multitask between being two of Earth's most powerful heroes and being in a mature relationship. In the Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1, their capacity to multitasking is tested in a big way and they don't necessarily pass with flying colors.

For most of the Superman/Wonder Woman series, DC's de-facto power couple have been able to achieve a consistent balance between dealing with threats and growing together as a couple. In the same way that couples who play together stay, couples who take on gods and killer aliens between date nights have more going for them than a typical Friday night fling. But threats like Doomsday, Brainiac, and Cyborg Superman are not the kind of threats that can accommodate a date night. As a result, there's a noticeable lack of balance for Superman and Wonder Woman as a couple. However, the struggle for them as individuals is still plenty compelling.

When Superman became infected with Doomsday, he became one of those problems that can't be worked out by cuddling with Wonder Woman over a candle-lit dinner at an overpriced restaurant. The struggle to control the urge to bring death to anything more complex than a bed of dead algae has been the driving force behind Superman: Doomed. It's a struggle that Superman has to fight on his own because most of it takes place within his own psyche. The persona of Doomsday and the persona of Clark Kent are constantly at odds, wrestling for control. It's like an arm-wrestling match with one of the contestants being on steroids.

This is a struggle that Wonder Woman can do little to effect. She was already able to do her part by helping Superman get off the planet and away from innocent people. But when Superman is forced to return to Earth to deal with an invasion by Brainiac and Cyborg Superman, Wonder Woman has to do even more. However, her struggle isn't as personal because the Justice League and the rest of Earth's heroes get involved as well. Even a power couple needs reinforcements at time. Love alone is not a viable defense against alien drones.

The scale of this battle is well-developed and more than appropriate in the context of the story. It would have been easy to shrug it off and assume that the heroes of the DC Universe are so used to fighting off alien invasions that it's not a story worth telling. For a story built around personal struggles, it provides a greater perspective that is easily lost in big crossover stories in the same way a chirping bird is lost at a rock concert. However, this also has the effect of limiting the collective struggle between Superman and Wonder Woman that gave so much weight to the drama in this battle.

In the midst of this global battle that involves some of DC's biggest heroes, Wonder Woman has to confront Superman again. And once again, she has to fight him while he struggles to regain control of himself. But it's a struggle that becomes secondary in wake of the many other ongoing conflicts involving Brainiac and Cyborg Superman. That's not to say the priorities aren't in order. A global invasion and a psychopathic alien intelligence definitely takes priority over personal struggles. Because of that, Wonder Woman's struggle to help her lover has a limited impact in the overall struggle. It's more a salad than a main course.

That's not to say there aren't some emotional moments in this struggle. Wonder Woman's presence definitely affects Superman's inner struggle against Doomsday. And Wonder Woman is certainly affected when she comes close to slaying Doomsday. However, these emotional moments lack significant depth. There's never that heart-wrenching, Old Yeller level struggle. The way Superman is able to assert control over Doomsday just seems too easy and too smooth. It's pretty jarring from earlier struggles in this story, many of which involved a more intimate struggle with Wonder Woman. This didn't really come off as one of those struggles that they would tell and re-tell their grandkids one day. It felt like one of those more tedious steps in a much larger conflict.

That overall conflict is still unresolved. Superman is still infected by Doomsday and the invasion by Brainiac is not over. Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1 succeeded in expanding the scope and scale of this conflict, but did little to expand upon the personal drama. It had the feel of a Superman comic more than a Superman/Wonder Woman comic. There was plenty of room for melodramatic substance, but that room was taken up by theatrical style. Overall, it helped move the Superman: Doomed narrative forward in a meaningful way, but with less emotional weight than previous entries. This is still a conflict that's going to require more than a few date nights and flower bouquets to work through, but it's not going to require extensive couple's therapy just yet.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 2: Secrets and Deception is LIVE!

It's not easy exploring new creative territory, especially when I have so much to explore in my current creative endeavors. But part of getting better at anything involves taking a chance and exploring uncharted territory. That's what I was doing when I began pursuing my first ever Justice League story, "Strangers In Paradise." I had never written a DC Comics story, let alone one focusing on their power couple, Superman and Wonder Woman. But after seeing how this relationship unfolded in wake of Justice League #12, it's something I wanted to explore. And so far, the response has been great.

I was genuinely surprised by the good feedback I got for the first chapter of "Strangers In Paradise." Considering how much time I've dedicated to X-men and Marvel stories, I thought it would be a difficult transition. In many ways it is, but I'm glad to see that this hasn't stopped some from enjoying the story. It has me hopeful about the prospects of this story because I don't intend it to be as short as some of my other side-projects. I'm treating this as though it were a volume of X-men Supreme. Now that means updates for this story won't be as quick or as regular as X-men Supreme. This story is a side-project. X-men Supreme remains my main focus since that is the bread and butter of my creative endeavor. But I still have every intention of seeing this story through.

It has taken me a bit longer than I thought, but I have completed and posted the second chapter of "Strangers In Paradise." In the first chapter, I set the stage for Clark and Diana to meet at a point in their lives when neither of them are superheroes. Clark Kent is just starting to be Superman and Diana has not yet become Wonder Woman. Yet their paths cross by accident and despite some difficult circumstances, they forge a connection. Now in this chapter, that connection begins to blossom in a very powerful way. It will set the stage for some very heartfelt moments that Superman/Wonder Woman fans and Justice League fans in general should really enjoy.

Strangers In Paradise 

Chapter 2: Secrets and Deception

If the response for this story continues to be strong, I will try and update more regularly. For now, I work on this story whenever I can spare some time in between writing reviews and developing X-men Supreme. There's still plenty more to tell and I hope it leads to more and better awesome for everyone. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1

In an era of no-fault divorce, mail order brides, and cheap boob jobs, there’s a lot of incentive for people to give up on relationships. If given the option between actually working through a problem or just finding someone else who doesn’t have that problem, a majority of those people will just say, “Fuck it,” I’m done with this shit. And it’s not just out of sheer laziness, although trophy wives and burned out rock stars make that hard to believe. Some people just have problems that are too fucked up to fix with counseling and make-up sex. Human beings are often irrational, unreasonable creatures who tend to get even more irrational and unreasonable when someone else doesn’t solve their problems for them. That’s why the strongest relationships and the most epic love stories aren’t the bullshit premise of every Hugh Grant movie ever made. They’re the result of couples who take the time to work through their shit.

Superman and Wonder Woman are one of those couples that has to deal with more shit than most. Even a couple of recovering alcoholics don’t have to survive being in a nuclear explosion or dealing with asshole relatives who happen to be gods. Yet despite all the complications and all the bitching and moaning from fans claiming it’s just a gimmick for the 50 Shades of Grey crowd, they’ve found a way to make it work. Since hooking up in Justice League #12, Superman and Wonder Woman have actually put a conscious effort into developing their relationship and making it stronger. That means doing crazy things like supporting one another when shit gets tough and enduring when things go wrong. That doesn’t take someone with a PHD in psychology and gender relations to figure out, but dozens of shitty Disney movies have led us to believe that everything works itself out on its own. Well now that Superman is turning into fucking Doomsday, he and Wonder Woman can’t exactly get through this with self-help books and therapy. They need to find a way to get through this shit while being willing to beat up anyone or anything that gets in their way, which includes fending off an alien invasion. The Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1 is ground zero for this struggle and I hope other couples follow along. Maybe then they’ll understand why leaving the toilet seat up isn’t grounds for divorce.

That struggle has already reached epic levels of fucked up. Superman, still infected with Doomsday, had to leave the Earth, both because he can’t fight the urge to kill everything within a 200-mile radius and because Lex Luthor poisoned the atmosphere with Kryptonite. For once, the cold emptiness of space is a lot safer than Earth and since this is the same Earth that contains spiders, jellyfish, Donald Trump, that’s saying something. But it doesn’t stay safe for long and not because of space spiders either.

Superman end up confronting Cyborg Superman, who is like an erector set powered by a billion nuclear reactors. Yet it’s still an unfair fight because a Doomsday-powered Superman still sees it the same way most people see a wounded tarantula. The only natural instinct is to crush it and burn the entrails. Cyborg Superman tries to taunt Superman, saying that he’s got a whole fleet of fancy alien robots heading to Earth and he’s too late to stop it. He might as well told a meth head his mother is fat because even with an alien fleet of killer robots, it’s still not a fair fight. This only means Superman isn’t going to stick around to rip apart Cyborg Superman in ways that would make Charles Manson nauseous. But I imagine it’s still on his to-do list.

And Superman isn’t the only one who is going to be pissed at an alien army is heading to Earth. The Justice League usually take an interest in incoming alien invasions. This is the same league that fought off an invasion from Darkseid so they’re going to take this shit pretty seriously. Steel, who has been working with Lana Lang for most of this crossover event, give them a few warnings, but they don’t end up being necessary because the fleet ends up taking out Earth’s defense grid. While defense contractors may appreciate being paid to rebuild it, this doesn’t bode well.

But that’s not to say that Lana and Steel aren’t completely useless in warning the league. This is where it shows there has been some real, honest-to-Rao effort put into this story. Lana Lang, who is two parts Elon Musk and one part Jessica Alba in the New 52, reveals the source of the mysterious plague that knocked everyone in Smallville and Metropolis into a coma. She says the plan is to do this to the entire world, that way Brainiac’s forces don’t have to deal with these annoying humans. It’s so brilliant that it makes Darkseid’s plan look like it was organized by Andy Dick. It also shows that Lois Lane isn’t the only human woman in the DC universe who can contribute with an attitude and a great rack.

Despite having plenty of warning and details of the alien battle plan, it still couldn’t hurt to have Superman on the front lines. I know it makes for a shitty situation on all sides in that people have to choose death by Doomsday or death by alien robots. But since Doomsday has made it clear that he doesn’t use anal probes and Brainiac has shown no such assurances, I think that makes the choice pretty clear.

This still requires Clark Kent to fight for control against the influence of Doomsday. It’s a struggle that has been ongoing for most of this event. At times, it has fluctuated wildly. Clark Kent’s will-power is strong, but Doomsday is basically the Hulk on cocaine binge. Yet in some strange way, Superman ends up influencing Doomsday. It actually supports the idea of returning to Earth to protect Superman’s adopted home. That may just be because it’ll surround him with more fleshy targets, but it’s the first time that Doomsday is shown to have a personality with more depth than Al Gore.

The battle against the Brainiac invasion begins and again, there’s considerable effort at making it appropriately epic. Other members of the Justice League get involved, as anyone would expect in the face of an alien invasion. The scope and scale of the attack is nicely conveyed. It might not sound like a big deal, but in an era where refinement is only reserved for energy companies and hard liquor, it feels refreshing. It’s like a bag boy at a grocery store going out of his way to help. Few expect it these days, but it’s deeply appreciated when it happens.

When Superman arrives to the battle, the Kryptonite in the atmosphere knocks out Clark Kent and lets Doomsday give a spikey middle finger to all notions of anger management. That means Brainiac’s fleet stands no chance. They might as well be shooting at a tank battalion with marshmallow guns and stuffed kittens. It’s as satisfying as it sounds without adding chocolate and graham crackers to the mix.

The scope and scale continues to grow, giving the battle an even more epic feel. It goes beyond the Justice League, touching on skirmishes all over the world. The Teen Titans, Swamp Thing, and the Red Lantern Corps all get to play a part. And Cyborg, being the Justice League equivalent of Siri, monitors the whole thing to help give a comprehensive perspective on this battle. Again, this is way more effort than I expect. If only the post service and my cell phone carrier put this much effort into their work, I wouldn’t be waiting in line at the post office or dealing with dip-shit tech support people every other Tuesday. It shouldn’t be this overwhelmingly awesome. It shouldn’t have to be. Yet here we are and I’m not complaining, not until my cell phone service starts fucking up again anyways.

As this epic battle is going on, Steel and Lana aren’t done contributing. The alien invasion by Brainiac’s fleet is in full swing, but Cyborg Superman is nowhere to be seen. And he’s not doing the cyborg equivalent of jerking off either. He doesn’t seem to think that a global alien invasion is enough. Darkseid already did that and it’s about as trendy as crocs and ug boots. So Cyborg Superman is planning something else, which involves constructing this big ass ring on the dark side of the moon. He’s assuming the rest of the world is distracted with the whole alien invasion and it’s not an unreasonable assumption. Lana and Steel know this and understand they can’t expect anyone to lend a hand when they’re fighting off alien rectal probes. So they have to be the ones to deal with this. It’s a pretty woman and a badass black guy in a steel suit. That sounds like both a fair fight and an awesome porno.

It’s just another in many other awesome fights that continue to unfold. Doomsday is certainly enjoying himself, having both killer alien robots and a planet full of fragile, squishy life to maim. But when he starts to have a little too much fun, Clark Kent tries to fight back to keep him from going on a Hulk-style rampage. Keep in mind, he’s trying to do this while the whole planet is shrouded in Kryptonite gas. He really shouldn’t have the strength to fight back against someone like Doomsday, let alone stop himself from vomiting uncontrollably like a teenage boy sitting through a Twilight marathon.

Now I know Superman is all about strength, will-power, and accomplishing the impossible, but this is starting to push it. The first time the kryptonite came into effect, he went down faster than Jenna Jameson at a dildo factory. Now he’s up and fighting again, surrounded by kryptonite and going up against someone like Doomsday? I’m all for rooting for the underdog, but not when it’s this unrealistic. It’s like rooting for the Mighty Ducks against a team of Canadian ninjas.

To be fair, it’s not a struggle that Superman is able to win. He slows Doomsday down, but he doesn’t overcome him. If he did, then that would be too unbelievable even for Superman. This is the point where he needs help from a beautiful woman like Wonder Woman. This is supposed to be their book anyways, even if it is a tie-in. This is one of those struggles that a couple needs to work out together. Granted, this isn’t one of those anger management issues that can be addressed through counseling and appearances on Dr. Phil. But they’ve been helping each other and supporting each other since their relationship began. Why should it be any different when one of them is possessed by an alien killing machine and the other happens to be the God of War? It’s certainly a more reasonable fight than who left the toilet seat up.

While I’m sure the Lois Lanes of the world want to cook up some popcorn and jerk off to a Superman/Wonder Woman fight, this struggle ends up being secondary. There’s still the matter of an alien invasion and a secret plot by Cyborg Superman. That doesn’t mean the Superman/Wonder Woman battle should be secondary. As I said, this is still their fucking book. But it’s still part of a larger crossover event so the melodrama that has soaked the panties of many Superman/Wonder Woman fans in this series has to wait.

Steel and Lana Lang are still caught up in a fight that might end up being more important than any lover’s spat or alien invasion because they’re trying to stop Cyborg Superman from dumping napalm onto the fire. Steel tries to slow him down, but even he knows it’s not a fair fight. A man in a steel suit is not going to measure up to a cyborg Superman in the same way 12-year-old with boxing gloves is not going to measure up against a hungry polar bear. Even Lana knows this and she’s able to make it a fair fight, getting in a few shots with the ship and showing that she has bigger balls than most men could ever boast to having.

As badass as Lana Lang is, she still manages to get herself shot out of the sky. Cyborg Superman doesn’t just shake off cheap shots. It forces Steel to abandon this horribly unfair fight and rescue her from the ship. It’s incredibly heroic and all, a guy rescuing a pretty girl who just saved his ass. But it still leaves Cyborg Superman intact and probably laughing his ass off. To be fair, they were overmatched and had nobody to call. Yet that didn’t stop them from being as badass as the situation allowed them to be. Most would have started playing games on their phone and waited for Batman to solve the problem. These two actually made the effort and for that, they deserve a shot of tequila and a bong hit.

The fight against Doomsday Superman and God of War Wonder Woman is a bit more balanced, but not in the same way. This is the battle that has the most drama, an out-of-control Superman against a beautiful woman who’s desperate to save him. This the battle that’s supposed to soak the most panties and trigger the biggest boners. Clark Kent is losing his struggle to regain control and Wonder Woman is running out of time because Doomsday is ready to start using innocent people as chewing gum. At this point, the only way to stop him is to treat him like a zombie in a Resident Evil game and go for a headshot. And only Wonder Woman has the hand cannon to do it.

It’s a moment that should be very emotion. However, it’s somewhat rushed. Wonder Woman does plead with Superman to regain control so she doesn’t have to give him the Marie Antoinette treatment. It just doesn’t feel as dramatic as it could have been. Compared to the effort and details put into every other part of the story, it feels sub-par. If it were a math test in high school, it would get a C-plus. It’s still a passing grade, but not as great as it could be. I don’t mean to channel like my bitchy old algebra teacher, but I hold stories of this scale to a higher standard.

In the end, Wonder Woman’s pleas aren’t the deciding factor. It’s actually Batman’s doing, of course. I know some Superman fans will bang their heads against the wall for this, but his role is important here because he finds a way to remove the kryptonite cloud from the air. That means Clark Kent is no longer weakened and incredibly pissed off because Doomsday was hurting his girlfriend. It allows him to regain control so Wonder Woman doesn’t have to resort to a head shot. Again, it could have made for a much more dramatic moment than it turned out to be. It didn’t fail, but it didn’t pass with flying colors either.

It still helps that plenty of effort is put into conveying the scope and scale of this battle. We get another big-picture look at the overall struggle. Cyborg reports that heroes on multiple fronts are beating back the alien invaders in a way that would make an awesome Independence Day sequel. And with Superman regaining control, it seems the tide for the battle has finally turned. It’s still not over. Superman and Wonder Woman aren’t quite yet ready to get to the makeup sex just yet, but they’re a bit closer now.

Unfortunately, they’re not as close as they think. The battle on Earth might be won, but Cyborg Superman didn’t seem to give three hundredths of a shit about that battle. He was busy working on that big cosmic ring behind the moon. Once Steel and Lana left the battle, he finally had a chance to reveal what it was for. Turns out, it wasn’t meant to be a cock ring for Ron Jeremy. It was meant to be a planetary sized boom tube to allow a planetary sized monster through. I’m not sure what kind of monster this is. But it’s the size of a planet and it looks like a cross between a squid, a tarantula, and the Terminator. I think I’ll just skip the part where I guess and go right to shitting myself.

There were plenty of epic struggles in this issue. We had an alien invasion from Brainiac, a plot from Cyborg Superman, and Doomsday attempting to overwhelm Superman yet again. All these struggles were presented on a global scale that was richly detailed and gushing with awesome on so many levels. However, there were a few levels of awesome missing from the mix. One of the greatest strengths of the Superman Doomed arc has been its ability to inject sincere personal drama into a plot that involves spikey gray Hulk wannabe fighting the urge to sterilize all life from everywhere within a 200 mile radius. The personal struggle with Clark Kent trying to fight the influence of Doomsday along with Wonder Woman doing everything she can to help him in that struggle has made this event both compelling and epic.

However, that greatest strength might as well have been a watered down shot of light beer in this issue because it played only a minor role in the overall global struggle that emerged. Now it helps that this global struggle was very well-developed and very epic in its own right. However, that lack of dramatic impact is very noticeable. There’s not the same sense of emotional struggle that there was before, which makes the issue feel somewhat unbalanced. It’s not unbalanced to the point where it needs a high dose of lithium and shot of Valium to settle down, but it’s still noticeable enough for a drunk. I give the Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1 a 7 out of 10. It has a lot of great shit going for it. It’s just not the same shit that made this event so compelling to begin with. I’m all for a diversity of awesome. But when it gets to a point where it can only be consumed while sober, I think that defeats the purpose in some respects. Nuff said!

New Side-Project: Strangers In Paradise - A Superman/Wonder Woman Story

I know I just started work on X-men Supreme Volume 5: Dark Truths, but X-men Supreme is not my only project. There are very few days where I don't contemplate other stories. Most of those stories don't make it to the first chapter, let alone a complete idea. But for the first time in quite a while, I've come up with something that is sufficiently awesome to pursue.

I've already revealed in previous posts on this blog that I have a soft spot for the Superman/Wonder Woman romance. I've also revealed that I have my own unique perspective on romance in comics, namely that it shouldn't suck. There are a long list of romance stories in comics that sound good on paper, but end up sucking because there isn't an effort to actually develop the relationship in a meaningful way. It often leads to stories and relationships that end badly.

Case and point.

But I think DC Comics has done a great job of developing the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship. On paper, it sounds next to impossible because Superman has spent the last 70 years linked to Lois Lane. And I've got no problem with that relationship. It's definitely one of the most epic comic book romances of all time. But Superman/Wonder Woman bring something different to the table. They're both heroes. They're both in the same line of work. They were teammates before they became lovers. They understand their struggles in being Earth's greatest heroes while dealing with all sorts of complex personal issues. This allows them to relate to one another on a powerful level. And in the past few years that DC has actually put the energy into developing this couple, it has become one of the best in all of comics.

Also, it's pretty damn sexy.

This has helped inspire me to create my own story, which I call "Strangers In Paradise." This is a story I never could have told without the impact of the New 52 because it incorporates elements from the New 52 into the setting. I've tweaked a few things, giving the DCU my own little twist in the same way I did with X-men Supreme. But I didn't change much. I only used this setting to tell a Superman/Wonder Woman story from a very different perspective.

The base of this story comes down to this: what if Superman and Wonder Woman met when they were younger? In the New 52, their early lives before they became members of the Justice League are explored. In Wonder Woman's solo series, as well as the relaunched Action Comics series, we see that they too went through a phase that involved them being young and dumb. It's actually pretty telling when even Superman and Wonder Woman aren't immune to the irrational influences of youth. But in this story, I take it a step farther.

In this story, Superman is 21 years old and still wearing blue jeans when he's wearing the cape. Wonder Woman is only 17 and hasn't even left Themyscira yet. They're young and horribly uninformed about the world as a whole. So what happens when their paths cross by accident? What kind of relationship develops when they meet each other at this vulnerable age when they're still surrounded by all these crazy influences? And keep in mind, some of these influences have godly powers. It's a story that develops the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship in an entirely new way and I hope it will resonate with fans of Superman, Wonder Woman, romance, and awesome stories in general.

Superman and Wonder Woman: Strangers In Paradise

Also, I want to make clear that pursuing this story will in no way affect the update schedule for X-men Supreme. That will still be updated on a biweekly basis unless I announce otherwise. Updates for this story were be less frequent. I don't have an update schedule at the moment. It depends on the amount of feedback I get and the amount of time I can spare without disrupting X-men Supreme. As always, I strongly encourage everyone to provide feedback on this and every other story I write. I really hope Superman/Wonder Woman fans enjoy this and I hope it leads to more awesome stories. Nuff said!

Doomed Concept: Superman Doomed #1

The following is my review of Superman Doomed #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

The best tools have multiple uses for multiple tasks. That's how some people can be dropped on a remote desert island with nothing but a pocket knife and some duct tape and survive in ways that would put Gilligan's Island to shame. But some tools are defined by their utterly singular use. A sledge hammer only has so many functions. Nobody can ever say a sledge hammer helped them craft an ice sculpture of the Virgin Mary. However, these tools are often designed with this singular use in mind. It's fairly reasonable to conclude that the inventor of tequila didn't call it a success because it tasted good. Like any drink only meant for getting drunk, certain characters are brewed for one desired outcome. Doomsday is basically the sledge hammer/tequila of the DC Universe, which makes an event surrounding him conceptually questionable.

Doomsday as a character has only one use: to kill Superman. It has succeeded before to an extent. This was the creature that killed Superman in the now iconic Death of Superman arc, a story that might or might not have been nullified by the New 52 reboot. It has already shown up before in Superman/Wonder Woman, albeit briefly. Now an entire event is being built around Superman battling Doomsday. The main selling point is that unlike 99 percent of Superman's enemies, this one is as strong as him and fully capable of killing him. That means that those who complain that Superman is too powerful will have little to complain about in Superman Doomed #1, the first issue in a crossover story that will consume every Superman comic.

This story effectively builds on Doomsday's earlier appearances. Before, this mindless creature was like Stan Lee in the Marvel movies, popping up every now and then and not having much of an impact. Now the creature has stopped biding its time and begins making its presence known, which for Doomsday involves the kind of wholesale slaughter usually found only in Rambo movie. Superman, obviously not a Rambo fan, takes it upon himself to stop Doomsday. He gets help from everyone he can, including Lex Luthor. That alone demonstrates the power of this creature. It's dangerous enough for Superman to actually agree with Lex Luthor.

But this issue doesn't just involve Superman looking for ways to battle Doomsday. This battle unfolds in the midst of another conflict that involves everyone in Smallville falling into a coma. This is how Lois Lane and Lana Lang get involved, adding some personal stakes to what could have otherwise just been a glorified street brawl between overpowered characters. However, the link between this story and Doomsday is poorly defined. The lack of connections make it an aside of sorts. The same thing happens with Steel, who briefly gets to have a shot at Doomsday. But he might as well be a warm-up battle because little comes of it. So while there is an effort made to make this story about more than a mindless beast capable of killing Superman, those efforts lack refinement. It's like a computer with no WiFi in that its function is limited.

In the end, it still turns into a story that's mostly about Superman battling Doomsday and therein lies the flaw in the concept. This is pretty much the only way for the story to go. It's like a destination that has only one road leading to it. The story has to unfold this way. As a concept, it's inherently predictable. As a theme, it's exceedingly narrow. However, an effort is still made to ensure Superman Doomed #1 doesn't become just another Death of Superman knock-off. While most of the story does involve Superman fighting Doomsday, the end result opens the door to paving a different path that helps make it at least somewhat less predictable.

There's no question that when Superman is focused on a single task, he's more than powerful enough to see it through. This is someone who has moved planets, traveled through time, and managed to befriend Batman. So when he takes on Doomsday, he doesn't hold back. But in doing so, he finds out the hard way that he's fighting something he doesn't fully understand. This is yet another instance where Superman could learn a thing or two from Batman because by focusing on stopping Doomsday from hurting anyone else, Superman sets into motion the most menacing threat from the creature. He essentially sets the stage to become Doomsday himself. That's something Batman would've figured out, albeit at the last possible moment. But in the end, it's too late.

So even though the battle between Superman and Doomsday doesn't turn into a ripoff of Rocky IV, it's still somewhat predictable. Superman tries to defeat Doomsday, but by using only his fists, he incurs some unexpected damage. It might be an epic, visually stunning battle, but it's only the first round. And few fights that don't involve Mike Tyson or Muhammed Ali in their prime end in the first round. Future rounds promise to take on a very different form, which involves Superman fighting himself even harder than he fought Doomsday. And that's another concept that is inherently flawed on many respects because if the only way to stop Doomsday is to become him, then that just reinforces the character's primary purpose of challenging Superman.

Flawed concept or not, the execution of the story is still solid and the conflict it creates is set to expand into every Superman title. The connections to this story are still not in place, but the scale of the conflict has been effectively set. Superman Doomed #1 manages to set itself apart from a typical Superman-battles-a-killer-monster narrative. It creates a conflict that is both daunting and personal for Superman and one that will rely as heavily on his supporting cast as it will on his strength. While the concept may be akin to a very simple tool with a singular use, this doesn't make that tool any less effective.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

It Was All Building To This: Justice League #22

The following is my review of Justice League #22, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Colonel Hannibal Smith of the A-Team was right to love it when a plan came together. A well-orchestrated convergence of details and timing is a beautiful thing. Every great story demonstrates this to some degree. From Shakespeare to Michael Bay movies, the value and appeal of a story is predicated on its ability to bring multiple elements and plots together into a single, unified product.

However, there’s a trade-off for the kinds of plans that the A-Team are so good at crafting. There’s an exceedingly narrow window for convergence in a story. Move too fast and key details are lost, which is akin to Murdock crashing the helicopter. Move too slow and those details lose their meaning, which is akin to Mr. T taking a wrong turn during a car chase with mobsters. DC often sets itself apart from Marvel by saturating their stories with details. That’s what was presented with Flashpoint and that’s what has been promised with “Trinity War”. Justice League #22 marks the beginning of “Trinity War” and a convergence of numerous details that have been unfolding between the panels.

In this story, characters such as Shazam and Pandora, who have been background characters since the New 52 began, finally play an active role in a much larger story. Those who have been following Justice League finally get some payoff for the Shazam origin story that appended the end of every Justice League comic for the past year. In wake of Shazam’s defeat of Black Adam, he must make a fateful decision on what to do with the ashes of Black Adam. It is this decision that creates the circumstances that put the Justice League and the competing Justice League of America in the deserts of Khandaq. And it feels all the more fitting that this decision is rendered by a pre-pubescent boy whose understanding of global politics doesn’t extend beyond World of Warcraft.

But that isn’t the only plot that leads to the convergence of the Justice League and the JLA. Pandora, whose story has been unfolding in other books, also enters the picture when she approaches Superman about her mythical box. Having been a shadow in the New 52 since its inception, it’s refreshing, albeit overdue, to see her contribute to a major story. And it’s partially because of her actions that Superman ends up throwing the first punch in the “Trinity War”. In addition, visions with Madam Xanadu offer a telling insight into how badly this war ends. It doesn’t feel like a spoiler, but it does give the reader an idea of how badly this could go.

The clash between the two leagues and the subsequent impact on the reader can either be this issue’s greatest appeal or its greatest flaw. In the past, DC’s strongest events involved stories that casual readers could pick up and understand what was going on even if they hadn’t been following the issues leading up to it. This was part of what made Blackest Night so appealing to many readers and stories like Infinite Crisis fodder for angry readers on message boards. Justice League #22 is not quite on the same level as Blackest Night, but it is in the same zip code.

Readers who have been following Justice League and nothing else will feel rewarded for their dedication. Readers who have been following only Justice League of America will feel just as rewarded. But casual readers who haven’t been following either series closely will still get something out of this one issue. It doesn’t offer every detail about Pandora or Shazam or the Justice League’s recent activity in Khandaq, but it offers enough to make the story both coherent and epic. It’s basically a comic that fans of Avatar and Pulp Fiction could get behind.

That said, casual fans may still be at a disadvantage. Without knowing the details surrounding Shazam or the recent story about Superman and Wonder Woman’s activities in Khandaq, the impact of this story might be lost. Taken from the perspective of someone who is just curious about DC, who also happen to be the segment of the market that comic book publishers covet the most, this issue takes the form of just another superhero mash-up. And in a market where events like Marvel’s Civil War and Avengers vs. X-men are still fresh in peoples’ minds, this may be a major turnoff. Lately, it seems as though big events can only happen when heroes fight each other. It’s getting to the point where readers might suspect that the villains in comics are getting lazy.

But what keeps the first issue of “Trinity War” from echoing the same sentiment as Avengers vs. X-men is the ending. Even casual readers will feel the impact of the ending because it gives a clear and definitive message about the story. It’s not just about two teams of heroes fighting. Someone devious is pulling the strings and with DC’s upcoming villain month, it reassures readers that the villains in comics are not getting lazy. They’re just working smarter and not harder.

There are lots of appealing aspects about “Trinity War” and Justice League #22 demonstrates nearly all of them in a neatly contained package. The challenge now is to not overwhelm the readers with too many details and tie-ins, which DC has a nasty habit of doing. For now, at least, Trinity War is off to a promising start. Everything that has been unfolding in the DC universe is starting to come together and like the A-Team, there’s a lot to love about a plan that comes together.

Final Score: 9 out of 10

Justice League #12 - The Kiss That Shocked (and Aroused) The World

I know it's been a long time since I reviewed a DC comic on this blog. If you haven't killed as many brain cells as I have, you would remember that there was a time when I reviewed DC comics regularly on this blog. Hell, I reviewed the entire fucking Brightest Day series from beginning to end. There are a number of reasons why I had to stop reviewing DC comics, most of which involved having too little time and a shitty meth dealer who shall go nameless. But just because I haven't been reviewing too many DC comics doesn't mean I've stopped reading them. Hell, since the New 52 began, I've been reading more DC comics than I have since Brightest Day. I haven't had too many opportunities to review any of them, mostly because there's been so much crazy shit going on in Marvel involving cosmic parrots and red-haired, green eyed women NOT named Jean Grey. But then something came along that actually made national fucking news and I just couldn't hold my wad anymore.

A few weeks ago, I reported that DC leaked the ending of Justice League #12 by saying Superman and Wonder Woman would hook up. And this shit wasn't just big news for comics. This shit made national fucking headlines. Apparently, it's a big fucking deal with the most famous alpha male superhero of all time hooks up with the most famous alpha male superhero of all time in a way that's not some cheap gimmick. It's been pointed out by a number of major sources that the idea of Superman and Wonder Woman bumping uglies is not new. But most of the time, it turns out to be a ruse or part of some alternate universe. And in comics, alternate universes are basically glorified fanfiction minus the part where the writers don't get paid jack shit for all their work. When this shit happens in the main continuity, it tends to either royally fuck up the main series or take it in a bold new direction or a mixture of the two. Seeing as how Superman's penis has been exclusively reserved for Lois Lane since the fucking Great Depression, it is a big fucking deal when that relationship is essentially ditched so something new and potentially bonerific is introduced. As such, I'm prepared to end my long sabbatical on reviewing DC comics and post a full review of Justice League #12.

Now it would take me at least six blog posts to cover all the shit that has happened since the New 52 began. I only reviewed some of the early issues and a lot has happened since then to say the very least. So for the sake of the assholes who claim I'm not attentive to detail, here's a quick rundown of what's been going on in Justice League. The first arc was basically a prelude, a look back five years into the past when superheroes were still a novel concept and before anyone thought Apple could make a decent smart phone. The next arc and the one that's culminating in Justice League #12 depicts the fucked up logistics of having a superhero team in the world of youtube, TMZ, and a Congress with a lower approval rating than Todd Akin's support with women voters. The early issues shows how this has royally fucked up the life of Colonel Steve Trevor, who historically has been Wonder Woman's closest parallel to what Lois Lane is to Superman. While Trevor does come off as a douche at times, you can't help but feel sorry for the guy because he flat out told Wonder Woman he was in love with her and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Fuck, and I just thought men only loved certain parts of a woman." Okay, so maybe she was nicer about it, but you get the idea.

The point of the Steve Trevor story is that he's basically the public whipping boy for the Justice League. He's like Lindsey Lohan's publicist, having to do the impossible and give the impression that it's okay to trust the League implicitly with protecting the world without any kind of governmental oversight. He might as well be tasked with convincing the entire Catholic Church that God wants them to jerk off to gay porn for six hours a day. Well in addition to having this impossible job, Steve Trevor also makes himself a target by being the official PR guy for the League. But not to your typical bad guys like Lex Luthor, Braniac, or the Christian Coalition.

The second arc of Justice League deals with a villain that's a bit more devious and a bit more fucked up than your typical bad guy. He actually showed up in the first arc. Back then, he was just David Graves. After the Justice League took on Darkseid, he wrote a book that sold better than 50 Shades of Grey and Harry Potter combined that basically made the Justice League out to be modern day gods. You would think this guy would be the last person to fall in with a bad crowd and you would also have to believe that good people don't routinely get screwed over in both comics and the real world. If you sincerely believe that, stop taking whatever pills you are taking and see a neurosurgeon right away.

The past few issues of Justice League have shown how David Graves has not only lost his mind, but basically been fucked over worse than the guy who invested all his money in Facebook stock. His wife and children were overcome with a mysterious illness that killed them all. Then he got sick and was on the verge of dying as well. And in his twisted mind of illness and agony (and probably some kickass prescription drugs, he blamed the Justice League for his suffering). So he hatched this elaborate scheme that may or may not be a side-effect of said drugs to go to this mystical place called Mount Sumeru where the souls of the dead allegedly wait to be judged before entering the afterlife. It's basically what the Catholic Church thinks happens when you die, minus the part where Jesus drop kicks gays into Hell. From there, he somehow managed to tap into the power of this mystical place to become this walking death cult. He used his power to kidnap Steve Trevor and torture him so he could get to the Justice League and lure them to Mount Sumeru. It actually worked remarkably well, once again vindicating Dick Cheney's justifications for torture.

Justice League #12 doesn't start off with Superman and Wonder Woman bumping uglies, but mainly continues this story with David Graves as the League confronts his newfound death-loving powers. Now at Mount Sumeru, he's able to haunt them with ghostly images of their friends and loved ones. Superman sees his parents, Batman sees his parents, Green Lantern sees his father, and...okay, you can probably figure out the rest. And Wonder Woman sees Steve Trevor, who she promised to save but ends up being too late. So not only did she break his heart and his balls, but she got his ass killed. It creates the kind of psychological torture that the League is not equipped to handle and makes for a very spooky scene that allows Jim Lee to once again show why he's the comic book art equivalent of Pablo Picasso.

But Graves isn't just out to torment the Justice League with ghostly images of their loved ones. He actually tries to come off as sympathetic by saying he plans on destroying Mount Sumeru so that the spirits of the dead would be free to reunite with their relatives. It sounds noble on paper, even if Graves looks like something Freddy Kruger shat out on one of his victims. But it also leaves me wondering if that was his goal all along, then why the fuck get the Justice League involved? I get that he blames them for killing his family, but why invite them to party before the keg has been tapped? He's just asking for trouble. So while Geoff Johns and Jim Lee make an admirable effort to have Graves appear as sympathetic, he just comes off as a dumb ass.

As expected, Grave's piss poor planning comes back to bite him. While he appears to have the Justice League under his thumb, he conveniently forgets that he didn't torture Steve Trevor enough. He shows up in the fight looking like someone who just went 15 rounds with Mike Tysons and Muhammad Ali on meth armed with only a gun. And not some magic, ghost-killing gun. I'm talking the same gun Rick Perry probably keeps under his pillow. It seems less gutsy and more batshit insane. Graves just subdued the fucking Justice League. Yet Steve Trevor thinks he can take him on? He may not be worthy of Wonder Woman's pussy, but he's still worthy of plenty of respect.

The arrival of Steve Trevor does more than just throw off Graves and remind him why good villains are more thorough when it comes to torturing innocent people. It inspires the Justice League to fight back. They now know that these ghostly forms that appear to be their loved ones aren't real. In fact, they aren't even ghosts. They're called Petras, which are essentially the spiritual equivalent of tapeworms. They feed off the spirits of their victims in the same way Jerry Springer feeds off the tears of redneck transvestite strippers. That just means the Justice League won't have to deal with a touch of guilt in crushing them. Plus, it gives Wonder Woman a window with which to beat the shit out of Graves. Even though he's a misguided old man, you don't win any fucking sympathy from a woman scorned.

It's a quick, flashy fight. Almost too quick in some ways because Graves really is in no position to put up a fight. He's not fucking Lex Luthor or Darkseid. He's a sick old man for whom senility has kicked his ass. Even though Johns and Lee still try to make him come off as sympathetic as he begs the Justice League to kill him, you still don't feel too bad when the League just watches him squirm. And any sympathy you might have had for Graves pretty much goes out the window when Batman points out that he knew these ghostly parasites weren't his family. He just didn't want to believe it. And since Batman is the one saying it, he's got no hope of arguing. He might as well be OJ Simpson speaking out against spousal abuse. So in the end Graves wasn't misguided. He was just batshit insane. And I think the Justice League has enough of those in their rogue's gallery.

Later on after the League gets tired of watching an old man whine like a little bitch, Wonder Woman catches up with Steve Trevor in the hospital. It's a tense moment, but one the readers were probably expecting after seeing the cover. In order for Wonder Woman to swap spit with Superman, she needs to set aside Steve Trevor. She tries to play up the Peter Parker angle, which became defunct after One More Day. She says just knowing her led to his torture and she just can't have that. She can't have a guy close to her who is so fragile that the muscles in her pinkie toe could sever his spine. And she's pretty cold about it too, saying she doesn't want him to be the League's liaison anymore. So not only is she dumping his ass for a second time. She's firing him as well. Even Ann Coulter would raise an eyebrow at this point.

But she doesn't come off as entirely cold. Wonder Woman makes it clear that she still cares about Steve and doesn't want him to get hurt. He then points out that he's a soldier. Getting hurt is part of the job description and he was putting his ass on the line long before he was checking out hers. In the end he's the one that tells her off, saying she can go ahead with finding a new liaison. But she's running scared in a way that isn't very warrior-like. So even though he's wounded, he sounds like the one with the balls. And against Wonder Woman, that's saying something.

Without Steve Trevor or some pretty face to keep Congress and the UN off their backs, the Justice League is stuck doing damage control on their own. If that weren't tedious enough, Batman points out that they may have actually been responsible for what happened to Grave's family. So in some respects he wasn't completely insane in claiming that the League screwed him over. Granted, it was a result of him being too close to Darkseid's omega beam, but I guess it's just easier to torment the Justice League than it is Darkseid. But in the course of this battle, the League is hit with some rather lousy press due to footage of them fighting leaking out into the media. And in the era of youtube and Fox News, even heroes/gods get belittled by the Glenn Becks of the world. They're forced to conclude that they need to get their shit together and without Steve Trevor. Green Lantern decides to use a temporary fix by having him take the fall for the fight and quit the league. It's like solving a stubbed toe by cutting it off. It's a bit excessive, but when you're dealing with government and media there's no such thing as subtle.

Now the stage is finally set for the big moment. Wonder Woman has left Steve Trevor at the hospital upset, demoralized, and saddened. So she skips the meeting with the rest of the Justice League and sets up shop on top of the Lincoln Memorial. Superman, who probably doesn't care to see Batman explain how fucked the League is either, catches up with her and tries to cheer her up. It doesn't sound like he intends to swap some bodily fluids, but it's clear they're both quite vulnerable. Wonder Woman talks about how confusing relationships are. It's easy to forget that she comes from an island of warrior women for whom men are either target practice or sperm factories. She doesn't know the first thing about how a man and a woman can get along. I'm pretty sure nobody in the history of the world has ever been able to understand that shit, but given where she came from her confusion is understandable.

Superman tries to be Superman and say all the right things. He points out that relationships are even more complicated since they aren't even close to being normal. He's an alien from another world. She's a woman from a mystical island of warrior women. They really don't have anyone in the world to relate to. There's no dating sight for people like them. Even though Superman has an alternate ego in Clark Kent, that ego is essentially a mask. In the New 52, nobody knows Clark Kent is Superman. Both his parents are dead. His relationship with Lois has been One More Dayed. He's alone in the same way Wonder Woman is alone. She's Zeus's daughter and her own sisters consider her an abomination. That and her mother fucking lied to her for most of her life. She's got nobody to turn to. So when they each establish how alone they are, what happens next is neither surprising nor unfitting.

It happens. Superman and Wonder Woman kiss. For once, the cover was not a bullshit ruse. DC is basically telling Marvel here to take all their phony Jean Grey covers and fuck off. Because in this moment where Superman and Wonder Woman come together, it doesn't feel like a gimmick or just something for fanfiction writers to turn into porn. These two characters are very alone in the New 52. They have nobody they can get close to. They have nobody they can share all their intimate secrets with. They already work together and trust each other in the Justice League. It may not be the best set of circumstances under which to hook up, but they definitely work. They work in ways that'll bring a tear to your eye while making your dick or clit hard as a slab of granite. For everything DC has done in the build-up to this moment with all the news coverage and what not, it still makes for an immensely satisfying scene.

I'll give fanboys and fanfiction writes a moment to contemplate how they can turn the previous scene into something they can jerk off to. It would have been a nice way for the issue to end, but it would have also been too fucking sappy. This is a Justice League comic in the post New 52 eras. It's not a massage parlor in Bankok where a happy ending is expected. There always has to be room for some more to stench up the story down the line and this issue is no exception. The final scene revisits Graves in a prison, who is still sick and dying and understandably pissed at the Justice League. So it's a given that someone like Amanda Waller will come along and ask him to write another book. She already gives him a title, "How to Destroy the Justice League." Speaking as someone who has been motivated to write some pretty fucked up shit in the past, I can say that when you're sick and pissed off you're not going to hold back. And with Graves, it's a given that there will be a lot less dick and boob jokes.

Whenever a comic promises to get everybody talking, it's normal for readers to roll their eyes and give it no more credence than those annoying male enhancement commercials. You wish it were true, but assume it's largely bullshit because more often than not it is. Well this time, it's not bullshit. This comic may not make your dick a foot long, but it delivers when it claims it'll get people talking. Getting mentioned by major news outlets and fucking Good Morning America definitely qualifies. It doesn't just show Superman and Wonder Woman sharing a friendly smooch at a vulnerable moment. It actually establishes that these two can and will have an actual relationship in DC's New 52 universe.

This opens the floodgates to all sorts of stories, 2/3rds of which involve the kind of damage these two could do if they start experimenting with thrill sex. Granted, Johns and Lee didn't drop a whole lot of hints regarding these two early on in the arc. However, the possibility was there. And the way it came together in this issue made it so there didn't need to be the kind of playful flirting that Hugh Grant made boring in every romantic comedy ever made. It may not be the best circumstances for a relationship. Hell, it probably would make for a better one-night stand or summer fling when you get right down to it, but the potential is still there. And fuck if the possibilities don't make my dick harder than a jackhammer in a diamond mine.

Now as for the comic as a whole, there is more at work than just Superman and Wonder Woman kissing if you can believe that. It did effectively end the arc with Graves and it moved the story forward with the Justice League, making it so they're now vulnerable in a way that's not going to work to their advantage to say the least. The world no longer thinks they're gods worthy of the same loyalty that Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber enjoy. They've also pissed off someone who was once a close ally in Steve Trevor, who has both the means and the motivation to fuck with them in the near future. The story, aside from inspiring fanfiction writers to do superpowered sex scenes, establishes an uncertain environment for the Justice League that promises to lead to some increasingly volatile conflicts at the very least.

If there is a flaw in this development, it's that it seems to be somewhat underplayed and not just because of the Superman/Wonder Woman kiss. Johns seemed to make too much of an effort to make Graves come off as sympathetic. And the whole battle between the League and these ghostly illusions of their loved ones didn't have the kind of epic feel that it should have. You never got the sense that the League was really tormented by these visions. When it was over, they basically shrugged it off. Only Wonder Woman seemed to be really effected. But in the end, the point of the story wasn't the battle. It was the consequences of the battle. It may not be as action packed as a battle against Darkseid, but it's still pretty damn awesome. For that, I give Justice League #12 a 4 out of 5.

It feels good to review a DC comic again and it feels good to see DC taking a chance with Superman and Wonder Woman. I've made my opinion on the relationship pretty clear and I pray to Odin that DC doesn't screw it up. These are two of the most iconic heroes in the history of comics. To screw them up at this point is to shit on the hearts of several generations of comic fans. Best of luck to you, DC! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a box of Kleenexes and a bottle of lube with my name on it. Nuff said!

It's Official: Superman and Wonder Woman Are Hooking Up!

I know it's been a long time since I posted anything DC related on this blog. Don't blame me. It's not my fault the days aren't long enough and humans have to do shit like sleep, eat, and fuck in between writing kick-ass comic reviews. But don't think just because I review only Marvel titles on my blog means I've lost any love for DC Comics. Ever since the New 52, I've been more neck deep in the DCU than I've been in years. Books like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Justice League have been steady suppliers of awesome. Hell, Catwoman is worth buying just to see her bone Batman!

But every so often, some news comes along that requires me to take a break from getting drunk and hiding from my ex-girlfriends (or their fathers) that I just have to talk about. This news doesn't involve another relaunch, reboot, or whatever the hell DC calls it. It involves superhero romance. No self-respecting, red-meat loving, porno-watching fanboy will admit it, but they get very passionate about their favorite heroes' love lives. We all have an inner Twilight fan in all of us, minus the terrible story and graphically bloody childbirth. When our heroes bone someone or stop boning them, it resonates on a level akin to watching out favorite porn stars bone. DC seems to know this has decided to finally do what every fanfiction writer and porn parody has dreamed of doing. They're hooking up Superman and Wonder Woman.

Now DC is claiming this shit is no fluke. It's not one of those lame ass teases that we've seen many times before (see Action Comics #600). It's not one of those dream-like sequences that Wolverine probably has about Jean Grey whenever he's left alone in a room with a box of tissues and a bottle of lube. Geoff Johns and Jim Lee are saying this is the real deal. Superman and Wonder Woman are actually going to be an item.

If the concept of these two hooking up never crossed your mind, then please stop reading this blog right now and look up the world's greatest neurosurgeon because something is horribly wrong with your brain. This has been one of those relationships that seems so fucking obvious. They're both superheroes, they work on the same team, they're super strong and super durable, and they're both ideals for their gender. Why shouldn't they hook up? Well part of the problem if you can call it that is that Superman has always been linked to Lois Lane. Going all the way back to the days republicans think were better, they're romance has always trumped every other romance. It left Superman and Wonder Woman as that concept that would make for good fanfiction by writers with drinking problems and too much free time, but not for a legitimate story.

Well the New 52 changed all that. It not only One More Dayed Superman's marriage with Lois without having to make a deal with the fucking devil, it set up a world where Superman was more alien than human. In recent comics, he's been struggling to relate to damn near everyone. Wonder Woman isn't much different. She just found out she's yet another bastard love child from Zeus and that doesn't sit right. So what do you do when you're messed up? You either drink or try to get laid. Since DC doesn't like having heroes like Superman and Wonder Woman get drunk, that leaves only one option.

Now I consider myself to be somewhat old school when it comes to comic book romances. I always have a soft spot for the classics like Superman/Lois, Reed/Sue, Cyclops/Jean, and Peter/Mary Jane (fuck you, Mephisto). However, I'm of the opinion that any relationship can be made to work if it's written well enough. So I believe completely that Superman and Wonder Woman can work. Now I don't think they could ever work the way Superman and Lois did. I think that in the long run, Superman will always end up with Lois just as I'll always end up drunk at a bar on St. Patrick's Day. But that doesn't mean there can't be some soap opera in between.

So DC is finally doing it. They're going to give Superman and Wonder Woman a shot. I guess that only leaves one question now. How are they going to handle the unavoidable desire of fanboys to see these two fuck? Moreover, how hot can such heroic fucking be with these two? The world shall tremble in more ways than one. If nothing else, it'll give fanfiction writers a few more lurid ideas that they may or may not have had to begin with. Nuff said!

Surgery and C2E2

I know this past weekend marked the second major comic convention in the past month. First there was Wondercon. Then just a few weeks later, C2E2 hits Chicago like one of Barack Obama's secret socialist community organizing campaigns. Under normal circumstances, I keep up with the announcements as they come in and if something is interesting or I'm just drunk enough then I'll blog about it. While there was some interesting shit that came about during the course of the three-day event, I was in no condition to blog. And for that, I'm sorry to say I won't be able to offer my usual colorful commentary on the latest news in comics.

It's through no fault of my own, I assure you. As it just so happened, this past Friday I was scheduled for surgery. Since I can't plan my fucked up health around when comic book conventions are in session, I essentially had to miss most of what was going on with C2E2 or be too fucked up to make sense of it. Now in case some of you are worrying that this is a sign that my liver is finally coming back to kick my ass, stop worrying. The surgery was to fix my nose, which has had a long history of being fucked up for reasons I would rather not discuss. The surgery went fine. It's the post-op shit that's been kicking my ass. The prescription drugs, the lack of sleep, and the overly long recovery time has left me in no mood to effectively blog to my usual drunken standards.

So for this, I apologize to all my wonderful X-men Supreme readers. I'm sorry I wasn't able to offer anything from C2E2 this past weekend. And depending on how my recovery goes, it may affect my ability to do reviews this week. I'm going to do my best to make it happen. Unless I slip into a coma, I will review Avengers vs. X-men #2 at one point. However, I may not be able to review much else. It depends on how my recovery goes.

There are still plenty of other sources for info on C2E2. They just won't be as colorful, drunk, or fucked up as me. Check out Comic Book Resources, Newsarama, or Bleeding Cool for info on all the latest announcements. I should be back to my full drunken strength within two weeks, but in the meantime if I'm unable to carry out my normal reviewing and X-men Supreme duties I will announce it. Just want to give everybody a heads up. Thanks for helping this blog kick ass guys! Until next time, wish me a happy and dazed post-op recovery! Nuff said.