Thursday, August 23, 2012

It's Official: Superman and Wonder Woman Are Hooking Up!

I know it's been a long time since I posted anything DC related on this blog. Don't blame me. It's not my fault the days aren't long enough and humans have to do shit like sleep, eat, and fuck in between writing kick-ass comic reviews. But don't think just because I review only Marvel titles on my blog means I've lost any love for DC Comics. Ever since the New 52, I've been more neck deep in the DCU than I've been in years. Books like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Justice League have been steady suppliers of awesome. Hell, Catwoman is worth buying just to see her bone Batman!

But every so often, some news comes along that requires me to take a break from getting drunk and hiding from my ex-girlfriends (or their fathers) that I just have to talk about. This news doesn't involve another relaunch, reboot, or whatever the hell DC calls it. It involves superhero romance. No self-respecting, red-meat loving, porno-watching fanboy will admit it, but they get very passionate about their favorite heroes' love lives. We all have an inner Twilight fan in all of us, minus the terrible story and graphically bloody childbirth. When our heroes bone someone or stop boning them, it resonates on a level akin to watching out favorite porn stars bone. DC seems to know this has decided to finally do what every fanfiction writer and porn parody has dreamed of doing. They're hooking up Superman and Wonder Woman.

Now DC is claiming this shit is no fluke. It's not one of those lame ass teases that we've seen many times before (see Action Comics #600). It's not one of those dream-like sequences that Wolverine probably has about Jean Grey whenever he's left alone in a room with a box of tissues and a bottle of lube. Geoff Johns and Jim Lee are saying this is the real deal. Superman and Wonder Woman are actually going to be an item.

If the concept of these two hooking up never crossed your mind, then please stop reading this blog right now and look up the world's greatest neurosurgeon because something is horribly wrong with your brain. This has been one of those relationships that seems so fucking obvious. They're both superheroes, they work on the same team, they're super strong and super durable, and they're both ideals for their gender. Why shouldn't they hook up? Well part of the problem if you can call it that is that Superman has always been linked to Lois Lane. Going all the way back to the days republicans think were better, they're romance has always trumped every other romance. It left Superman and Wonder Woman as that concept that would make for good fanfiction by writers with drinking problems and too much free time, but not for a legitimate story.

Well the New 52 changed all that. It not only One More Dayed Superman's marriage with Lois without having to make a deal with the fucking devil, it set up a world where Superman was more alien than human. In recent comics, he's been struggling to relate to damn near everyone. Wonder Woman isn't much different. She just found out she's yet another bastard love child from Zeus and that doesn't sit right. So what do you do when you're messed up? You either drink or try to get laid. Since DC doesn't like having heroes like Superman and Wonder Woman get drunk, that leaves only one option.

Now I consider myself to be somewhat old school when it comes to comic book romances. I always have a soft spot for the classics like Superman/Lois, Reed/Sue, Cyclops/Jean, and Peter/Mary Jane (fuck you, Mephisto). However, I'm of the opinion that any relationship can be made to work if it's written well enough. So I believe completely that Superman and Wonder Woman can work. Now I don't think they could ever work the way Superman and Lois did. I think that in the long run, Superman will always end up with Lois just as I'll always end up drunk at a bar on St. Patrick's Day. But that doesn't mean there can't be some soap opera in between.

So DC is finally doing it. They're going to give Superman and Wonder Woman a shot. I guess that only leaves one question now. How are they going to handle the unavoidable desire of fanboys to see these two fuck? Moreover, how hot can such heroic fucking be with these two? The world shall tremble in more ways than one. If nothing else, it'll give fanfiction writers a few more lurid ideas that they may or may not have had to begin with. Nuff said!


  1. Actually we've seen how powerful it is when they fuck according to Frank Miller. Their sex created typhoons. See Linkara's reveiws of the Dark Knight Stikes again for proof.

  2. But that was an alternate universe. We have no idea how the physics of superhuman fucking have changed for the New 52. Hopefully, that is not lost on DC.