X-men Supreme Issue 31: Memory Musings Is LIVE!

It's been a busy couple of weeks. The X-men Supreme fanfiction series is entering new territory and I've had to proceed carefully. The X-men mythos has a lot of material to work with. Some of that material has been underdeveloped. With X-men Supreme, I hope to develop a distinct style of storytelling that fanfiction fans and X-men fans alike will appreciate. The last issue put a new twist on Juggernaut. This issue will give the same treatment to John Proudstar. He's a classic X-men character that's easy to overlook. In X-men Supreme, expect him to play a much bigger role. In a way he already has. That's what this new issue is going to establish. The world of X-men Supreme didn't start with issue 1. Prepare for a new insight into the history of X-men Supreme! It will open the door to a new host of stories that will factor heavily into upcoming events.

Issue 31: Memory Musings

Now like any Marvel universe, X-men Supreme has plenty of history. Thunderbird is just part of it. This is the first time I'm really digging into it, but it won't be the last! I have plans to tell more stories about the X-men prior to issue 1 in the pipeline. I can't talk about it just yet since most of those plans are still tentative.

However, I can say that past events described in this issue will factor heavily into the next major arc! The past and the present are about to collide in a big way! This fanfiction series is about to take another major step that certain X-men fans will find very intriguing. I wish I could give more hints, but you'll just have to keep reading!
As always, I deeply appreciate all the support I've gotten with X-men Supreme. This website is closing in on 10000 hits and I couldn't be more thrilled! There's a lot I want ot do with this fanfiction series. I have so many stories to tell and the more support I get from readers, the more inspired I am to make these stories as awesome as they can be. X-men Supreme has a long ways to go. Please know that I'm open to chat with readers at any time. If you have any questions or comments, please contact me or place your feedback in each issue of the series. Either way is fine. Thank you all very much for your wonderful support! Until next time, take care and best wishes!

Jack

Uncanny X-Force #7 - A World of Awesome

Let's face it, most comics that have an army of hype behind them fail to deliver. They're like a rich rock star with a billion dollars surrounded by beautiful women that you will never see naked, but then you find out that billion dollars came from a Nigerian prince and those beautiful women used to be men. If that weren't enough when you take a closer look at the guy in the men's room, you find out that all that boasting doesn't make his dick any less smaller. What's this have to do with Uncanny X-Force? Well it happens to be that rare comic where the hype is delivered and exceeded. Rick Remender has created a bold new X-book that has become one of the best comics on the racks right now. It has action, violence, hot women in skin tight outfits, and the occasional dick joke. Seriously, what more could you want in a comic?

Uncanny X-Force started strong and hasn't waned in the slightest. It hit the ground running with the Apocalypse arc, pitting X-Force against one of their most dangerous foes. But in a strange twist, said foe was in kid form and was likely still shitting his pants. In addition to the action, there's plenty of characterization and drama to go around. Angel and Psylocke used to be hot and heavy back in the 90s when boy bands weren't nearly as gay. They were separated for a while, mainly because Psylocke had to up and die for a bit and Angel wasn't into necrophilia. But in this series they're back together and already they're facing challenges, namely Angel struggling with his Arcangel persona. Having encountered Apocalypse as a kid fucked him up in ways that only tequila, vodka, and a dash of varnish could match. But that hasn't been the biggest source of contention in this new team.

In the very first arc X-Force was shaken when their trigger-happy French wannabe, Fantomex, put a bullet between the eyes of Kidpocalypse after everyone agreed that killing a kid was a no-no. In the last issue, the team was about as well-organized as the Oakland Raiders. So when Fantomex took a time-out, he ended up getting attacked by Deathlok cyborgs from the future. It's not quite as intense as a battle with Apocalypse, but you gotta admit Deathlok cyborgs from the future are pretty damn awesome. They wanted Fantomex to hand over The World, this tiny pocket universe where he became the snooty son-of-a-bitch we all know and love. They learned from one of the cyborgs that they're from a future where Earth was made into a Utopia by turning Earth's mightiest heroes into Terminator knock-offs. It's a dick move, but it worked. And the one guy who can stop this utopia from happening is Fantomex. So X-Force came along and helped this guy. Now they have to stop the guy behind this plan, who calls himself a horribly unoriginal name in "Father." Wait...they're STOPPING a utopia from being created? Isn't that another dick move? Then again, this is X-Force. Dick moves kind of come with the territory.

Uncanny X-Force #7 starts right where Uncanny X-Force #6 ended. X-Force has saved Fantomex's child-murdering ass and now they're helping him. If for not other reason to show that they're not nearly as dickish as him. There are only so many dick moves you can put into one arc. So to stop Father, they have to go into the World. To do this, Fantomex enlarges it. Deadpool manages to make a dick joke out of it. I'm sorry if the subject of dicks keeps coming up, but in a book like this with so much badassery it's only fitting that phallic symbology is rampant. So the team enters the World, which looks a lot like a compilation of shitty dioramas done by a third-grade history class, and sets off to give Father a faceful of lead.

Like Scooby Doo, the team decides to split up and cover more ground. Seriously, when has that shit ever worked? Could this be a rare exception? It's not clear, but it presents a good opportunity for some witty conversations between Deadpool and Fantomex. It's not so much witty as it is an argument as to who is the most despised member of the team. It's somewhat revealing. Fantomex has been watched and monitored his whole life and Deadpool points out how that may affect him. It feels like it should be a more personal moment for Fantomex, who is in serious need of sympathy after he put a bullet in the head of Kidpocalypse. But it doesn't come. Deadpool goes off on his own while Father, the guy they're hunting, is playing the role of the hidden camera in Revenge of the Nerds. Except this time there's no bush to speak of.

Once they break off, Deathlok and Wolverine have a much simpler conversation. Like Bugs Bunny, they suspect they're being watched. Like Bugs Bunny, they turn out to be right because they end up getting attacked by cyborg Wolverine and cyborg Deadpool. They don't have nearly the personality that the Avengers cyborgs had in the last issue, but it makes for some solid action that involves swords, guns, claws, and being thrown off what may be a cliff or may be a giant gumball.

Up in the air it's Angel and Psylocke trying to get a bird's eye few of things. That or Angel just want's an excuse to cop a feel from Psylocke's boobs. Or it could be both. In either case, they end up getting attacked too. But not before they have another revealing conversation. Like the conversation with Deadpool and Fantomex, it's a little short. Angel just says he wants to fight his Arcangel personality on his own sometimes and doesn't want to be mothered. Not a good thing to say to your hot telepathic girlfriend. But they don't get to argue about it on account of being hit by a missile. Not sure if that counts as another dick joke. We'll count it anyways just because!

The attack comes from Angel and Psylock's cyborg counterparts no less. It soon crosses paths with Wolverine and Deathlok's battle. It doesn't involve as many explosions for someone trying to cop a feel on Psylock, but it's gritty and harsh just as you would expect from an X-Force book.

While this is going on, Deadpool is out wandering around. Somehow he ends up wandering right into the lair of Father. Now he doesn't have telepathy or super-heightened senses. He's also about as stable as Afghanistan economy yet somehow he's able to find their target? It seems like a ridiculous stroke of luck on a character whose main appeal is being so unbelievably ridiculous. Then he actually confronts Father and it seems pretty clear that the guy let Deadpool find him. It's clear because he starts treating Deadpool like...well, he's his father and he's proud of him. If you're going to try and fuck with your enemy, you might as well do it with the one guy who's about as nutty as a sober Amy Winehouse.

While Deadpool is getting some much needed parenting, Psylock and Angel continue their air battle with their cyborg counterparts. It's like a scene out of Top Gun without the burden of Tom Cruise's acting. Psylock manages to show some flare that she hasn't shown in a few issues. She uses her katana to basically stab her cyborg self in the head. Pretty badass for a girl who runs around in an outfit that prominently shows off her ass (not that anyone is complaining). Cyborg Angel's defeat is much less spectacular. He just crashes. Yep, these cyborgs may as well have been made by North Korea.

Then during the fight, the cyborgs get new instructions. Apparently beating up X-Force isn't nearly as important anymore, which is another Scooby Doo inspired mistake. Instead of taking out the enemy directly, Father gets fancy. He sends one of the cyborgs to meet up with Fantomex. One of them disguises himself as Deathlok and reaches Fantomex just as he unlocks a little surprise. It's better than a Christmas present from High Hefner when he's drunk. It's Ultimaton, which sounds like a Transformer but it's actually Weapon XV. It also doubles as Fantomex's pet, which he promptly orders to destroy his cyborg counterpart. Beats the hell out of a pit bull!

That's another cyborg down, but another quickly pounces on him like a lobbyist for Goldman Sachs. This time he doesn't sick his super-weapon pet on him. He orders Ultimaton back into the lab to guard it. It turns out to be a dumb move because it would have made the fight against these two a lot easier. And really, what would he have lost by bringing it out in the open? You can chalk it up to a dumb mistake because the Wolverine and Deadpool cyborgs kick Fantomex's French-loving ass. They even stab him for good measure. It's the kind of brutal fighting you won't get in any other X-book aside from Deadpool! Plus, Fantomex has sort of had it coming so you don't feel too bad for him.

This entire scene is being scrutinized more than Ashley Olson's eating habits by Father and Deadpool. Oddly enough, Father sounds like the crazy one here. He sounds like a sadist masturbating to the last Saw movie as he's watching Fantomex get his ass kicked. Then he gets creepy, even by Deadpool standards. Deadpool is crazy, but only to a point. When someone starts saying he's going to kiss him and tuck him into bed, that's the point where you want to slowly back away or cut the guy's head off. Guess which one Deadpool does?

If you were surprised in any way, then the tumor in your frontal lobe has become too big. It's the kind of mindless Deadpool action that he hasn't really had a chance to do in Uncanny X-Force. He's shown so little craziness at times that it's made him seem out of character. Well this helps tip the scale in the other direction. Deadpool decapitating Father is a fitting way to take out the bad guy. His whole plan to turn X-Force against each other really fucked up when he started trying to exceed Deadpool's crazy. As any psycho off his meds will tell you, you just don't fuck with that kind of crazy.

The death of Father essentially ends the cyborg attack. Once they know the game is over, they do like my last X-Box 360 and flash the red light of death. So X-Force no longer has to fight and the whole cyborg policed utopia is no more. Wait...did the good guys win? Did X-Force just prevent a happy future for once? It's enough to leave the reader a bit conflicted. But then Deadpool presents Father's head with a nice joke and that helps soften the blow. But still, a future full of cyborg super-heroes would have been pretty damn awesome. I smell a spin-off!

That could have been the end right there, but there's one other loose end to tie up. Remember that Ultimaton that Fantomex released earlier? Why didn't Fantomex use him? Why did he have him guard this lab that was behind a massive safe? That could be a huge plot hole, but Rick Remender does not leave it unfilled. He reveals that the Ultimaton was guarding something very precious and something Fantomex didn't want the others to see. He was guarding a new Kidpocalypse. That's right. Another Apocalypse is being raised! This time it's an infant. So it would be infantpocalypse...okay, it doesn't have a very good ring to it. But still, you get the point! It was revealed a few months ago that Age of Apocalypse was going to cross over with Uncanny X-Force. Well this may be the beginning. If that's not enough to soak your panties, you need to get a little extra zinc in your diet!

So another arc of Uncanny X-Force is complete. Another enemy got the Jack Kavorkian treatment. This time it wasn't a bullet between the eyes. It was a full on decapitation. Unlike the Kidpocalypse battle, isn't exactly shocking. But it's still pretty damn satisfying. Not satisfying like a three-way with Playboy playmates on a bed lined with cocaine, but still pretty satisfying. It presented X-Force with a new enemy in Father and it wasn't the typical Bastion-like enemy who just wants to find the buttons that make the boom noise. He's the kind of enemy that's difficult for any team to handle. The normal X-men would have struggled against the guy because X-men are less inclined to chop heads off like voodoo animal sacrifice. It's remarkable how Remender is able to set this team apart, showing that they are not like the other X-men and they have to operate in a different way. Once again, he played perceptions in the way Keith Richards plays a guitar after a hit of smack. This time it was Deadpool who got to shine while Fantomex got some much deserved punishment. It was a fitting ending that lays the groundwork for the upcoming Age of Apocalypse story. You can't ask for much more aside from demanding that each page be drawn in the blood of a Unicorn.

This comic was heavy on action and excellent pacing. While I love a Michael Bay style string of explosions as much as the next guy, there was still a clear effort to flesh out the characters. However, that effort fell short. The scenes with Fantomex were underwhelming. No one really brought up Kidpocalypse and there was no sense of progress from this affair at least in terms of how the team relates to one another. The scene with Angel and Psylocke was also underdeveloped. You get the sense that Remender is trying to build some tension between them, but it feels half-hearted. It doesn't play into the action and it just seems like it's been done halfway. It's not a serious flaw in the book, but it still is a slight flaw that's difficult to ignore. Luckily, all the other positives such as the art, dialog, action, and pacing more than make up for it. Any self-respecting X-fan and even those who don't respect themselves can pickup this book and be as entertained as a porn addict inside a super-model's dressing room.

Uncanny X-Force continues to be the standard by which all other X-books are measured. It has raised the bar in terms of quality, style, and action. It used to be that if you only got one X-book, that book would be Uncanny X-men because that's where the action was. Well even with a new writer in Kieron Gillen, that role has been usurped by Uncanny X-Force. If you're a cheap bastard who will only buy one X-men comic a month, this is the book you should get. Uncanny X-Force #7 continues this growing tradition of awesome, earning it a 4.5 out of 5. It has everything you could ask for without having to take your pants off. What more do you need in a comic? Nuff said!

Uncanny X-men #534.1 - Kieron Gillen's Inaugural Awesome

Ever since I started this blog, I've always relied on making a certain number of dick and boob jokes whenever a new issue of Uncanny X-men came along. This is because Matt Fraction has held the pen that controls the course of this classic series. In every review I would always take some time to rant about the issues with his style that never seem to go away. I could spend a certain amount of time bitching about how he's watered down Emma Frost to the point that she's a glorified barbie-doll that Greg Land can use porn stars as a tracer. I've could spend just as much time bitching about how his characterization has the depth of Hugh Hefner's tastes in women. Then I could spend several more paragraphs going on about how Fraction makes up for these shortcomings by stepping up the scale of his stories in a way that only an professional sumo wrestler can appreciate. Now I can't do that anymore because Matt Fraction has left Uncanny X-men and handed it over to the likes of Kieron Gillen.

Now Gillen has been officially co-writing Uncanny X-men for the last few issues, but the book still retrained the distinct style of Matt Fraction. If you picked up Uncanny X-men #533 you could tell it was a Matt Fraction book and it wasn't just because all the women had the same bra size. His style is pretty distinct so it was hard to pick Gillen's influence out from scenes of Cyclops being all Tom Brady with the X-men and Namor looking like he's perpetually constipated. He's been basically given readers a preview of what he can do in Generation Hope, which is a lot like Uncanny X-men-lite but with new characters and a lousy replacement character that's meant to placate angry Jean Grey fans. He's shown genuine talent and a solid feel for the characters. I've given Gillen's writing some high marks so now the time has come for him to take the equivalent of his commanders test at Star Fleet. He must write Uncanny X-men without the aid of Matt Fraction's cartoony influence. I'm sure he's as nervous as I was the first time I tried to score some weed.

Gillen's first issue of Uncanny X-men is technically not the immediate follow-up to the previous issue. He gets to test his new Ferrari in one of Marvel's Point One issues. Now anybody who has kept up with the whole Point One understands one of two things. First, it shows that few working at Marvel passed eight grade math. Second, it's marketed as a jumping on point for new readers. So if by chance you came down with Bieber fever or just woke up from a drug-induced coma, you could use these books to catch up. Well for the most part, these titles have been less like jumping on points and more like shameless excuses to solicit another book with a familiar brand. It's not shameless in the sense that walking around with your fly unzipped and declaring it a fashion statement is shameless. It's still pretty shameless. So don't expect Uncanny X-men #534.1 to explain everything that's happened since the Chuck Austin run was forcibly purged from the memories of X-men fans. However, it does finally point out the giant pink elephant in the room that's been shitting on the floor for the past year or so and Kieron Gillen is finally addressing it.

That giant shitting elephant is Magneto. Yes, the guy who used to fantasize about boiling the X-men in a giant pot and stuffing them in a Turducken for Thanksgiving is part of the X-men now. Seeing as how the X-men aren't exactly secretive and have their own fucking island off the coast of San Francisco (long story that would take another point one issue to explain) they have to explain to the people they're trying to help why Mr. Mutants-Should-Enslave-Humans-And-Use-Them-As-Condoms-To-Screw-Them-Over is part of the team. To do that, the X-men put that burden on their newly hired PR firm. Yes, you read that correctly. The X-men hired a PR firm to improve their image. It happened a few issues ago. No, I'm not high...for the most part. It's not the craziest thing the X-men ever did. If anything, it's overly logical. Just go with it for now. I have other shit to rant about.

The Galactus-sized task of explaining Magneto's presence to a city already wary of what goes on in dark alleys of the Castro District falls on Kate Kildare. Now with a name like that you would think she's someone who used to clean guns with Black Widow and that's not a dick joke. But no, she's a daring Public Relations agent on her way to Utopia to interview Magneto. That has to be right up there with trying to get Kanye West to donate money to Bristol Palin's abstinence initiative.

She arrives on Utopia where she's greeted by Cyclops and Emma. Cyclops basically explains that they've been keeping Magneto's presence quiet, sort of like a Congressmen's sex scandal minus the glory holes in airport bathroom stalls. Now this is a bit of a problem because in earlier books Magneto did show his face in public as the X-men helped rebuild San Francisco after Second Coming. In an era of youtube and Facebook where the sight of every nipple slip is documented, you would think this would have come up sooner. Well it hasn't really been addressed so it's good they're finally getting around to it. But Cyclops makes it sound as though nobody has busted their balls for it and even for the Marvel universe that's pushing it.

In addition to the PR angle, the X-men are still in engaged in good old fashioned heroics. The Mayor of San Francisco, who has become the X-men's BFF since they moved there (again, another long story), finds out the fine assholes of AIM are extorting California's businesses by threatening to cause an Earthquake. Even in a state run by the fucking Terminator, that kind of corruption is pretty sick. So instead of whining to the Avengers, the mayor calls the X-men. There's only so much PR can do. Saving everybody's asses from guys who dress up in hazmat suits and take orders from a giant head (not unlike Donald Trump) goes a lot further.

While AIM is poised to get the anime porn treatment with a mutant cock, Kate is starting her interview with Magneto. Not since a newly appointed gynecologist gave Joan Rivers an exam has someone looked so uncomfortable. Magneto even brought some props, namely a fragment from Breakworld that he took from the bullet he recovered (see Uncanny X-men #522). He's been carrying it around the same way Paris Hilton carries her dogs in her purse. Kate thinks him stopping it could be a good way to start. Magneto is only mildly impressed, looking like that creepy old man who stays in the panties section of Wal Mart for two hours too long. That or he's looking down her dress.

So Kate tries to focus on making Magneto less scary. That's like trying to promote tourism in North Korea. She pushed the idea that the world has changed. Mutants are more accepted now then they were when Magneto was claiming that humans needed to make like Brett Favre and retire already. She wants to put him across as something the public can digest without getting diarrhea. But Magneto doesn't care of he's liked. He prefers to be feared. Well that's all well and good until Kate brings up his attack on New York, which happened all the way back in New X-men during George W. Bush's first term. It's that other elephant in the room that's been humping the smaller elephant. No one has brought it up since Magneto returned so like a library book that's amounted a thousand dollars in late fees, it's way overdue.

As for the other impossible mission going on at the moment, the X-men have been searching for AIM. They only find them by sicking Namor on them. Yeah, that's another thing that's hard to address. Namor is with the X-men now. But don't worry. He's still as arrogant and badass as ever. He's able to locate two AIM agents who just got done bribing a local California business. Now they've lost their ride and by that I mean Namor blew up their fucking plane. It's probably the sixth least painful way he could have handled it and now AIM has to start running or shitting themselves or both.

Now about that attack on New York...well, Magneto is very coy about it. Coy in the same sense that Brett Michaels is coy about all the women he's boned. He brushes the New York attack off as being done by an impostor. Sort of like how Pam Anderson's tits are impostors. However, he makes it a point to say that he is perfectly capable of doing what was done in New York. Does that mean he did it? Well that's something X-men fans have been bitching about on message boards for years. This scene won't end that debate anytime soon, but Kate isn't turned off. She knows Magneto is feared and he doesn't care about being loved. Her solution, he needs to be both loved and feared. It's devious, but that's PR. It's slightly less slimy than being a lobbyist for the tobacco companies.

AIM still ranks somewhat below tobacco lobbyists, but it's still very satisfying to the X-men kick the shit out of them. It takes all but two pages and in the process Namor utters what may be the most manliest words in the history of penises. "Only Namor has the ability to make the Earth move. And he reserves that privileged for one woman at a time." If Kieron Gillen's run ended with this issue, that line alone makes his Uncanny run a success. It's by far the greatest pick-up line since Bill Clinton uttered "Hey baby, your president has a special executive task and it's one I can't do with my pants on."

So once Namor emasculates the AIM agents, Emma finds out they never had an earthquake generator to begin with. They just new how to predict them better and bluffed that they could cause it. Assholes they may be, AIM are probably damn good poker players. So Emma starts warning everyone that an earthquake is coming. Kate hears this as well and suddenly she has to put off making Magneto less evil to the world. Whether he believes her methods or just really wants to bone her, Magneto decides to make a statement.

A statement by Magneto is usually like a fart from Galactus. It has a big fucking impact. So just as the Earthquake hits, Magneto uses his magnetic powers to support every structure with a metal bearing and use the rock in the Earth to smooth over the quake. It's the kind of feat that would make some women shit their pants and other women go into uncontrollable orgasmic fits over the sheer manliness of such a feat. It's not clear which Kate does, but her legs looked like they were shifting awkwardly so maybe Gillen was implying something. If nothing else, Magneto shows that he can tame a whole fucking planet and make it his bitch. Plus, he can save a lot of lives. It is a nice way to demonstrate Kate's philosophy of being both loved and feared.

So Magneto saves the day and returns to Kate, who looks like she just got a picture of Lady Gaga going down on Justin Bieber. By the time Magneto returns, Larry King has made a marriage proposal to Kate in exchange for an interview with Magneto. Being the badass man that he is, Magneto refuses them and entrusts Kate to handle his affairs. Now Magneto trusting someone, let alone a human, is quite a remarkable feat. That or once again he wants to bone her. So he has real power and she has the power of PR. It's like nitro and glycerine, except when they explode it rain chocolate. It's a nice way to tie up the issue and sets the stage for Magneto being a real celebrity. Guess that means it's only a matter of time before he plays a part in the next Kardashian sex tape.

Kieron Gillen's arrival in the X-books was clearly part of a much larger plan by Marvel. He's been warming up in the batter's box with Generation Hope. Now he's up at bat with this issue and while he didn't hit a grand slam, he certainly nailed a home run to the upper deck in a ways that Barry Bonds will likely hit him up for steroids later. This issue had a lot of what Matt Fraction's recent X-books lacked. It focused more heavily on characterization and tied that characterization in with solid action. Kieron Gillen's knack for dialog and giving characters a voice is a huge breath of fresh air the likes of which hasn't been seen since Joss Whedon was writing X-men. It's probably the most satisfying issue of Uncanny that you can read with your pants on in quite some times.

However, the whole Point One angle was somewhat muddled with this issue. If this book was supposed to be a real jumping on point, then it certainly fell short. If someone hasn't been keeping up with the X-men, reading this book won't help them catch up. If anything, it'll leave them with more questions. A lot has happened in the past five years of X-books. Hell, a lot has happened in the last three years of X-books. This issue doesn't make those events any clearer. It only makes Magneto's presence clearer and he only showed up just last year. This issue could have easily been a regular issue of Uncanny X-men and work perfectly well. In many ways that's what it should have been. But Marvel tried to squeeze this issue into the mix and while a good read, it doesn't really succeed with the whole Point One aspect.

Now I've read the other Point One books and they all have the same problem. They really aren't jumping on points. They're basically extra issues. That's all well and good, but if they're billed as books that can get readers up to speed then they need a little more refinement. Some need a lot more. Never-the-less, Uncanny X-men #534.1 is nothing if not a solid X-book. The art is good, the writing is superb, and the story is well-told. It's everything you want in an X-book. Kieron Gillen couldn't be off to a better start with his run. That's why I give this book a final score of 4.5 out of 5. The stage has been set for Gillen to take Uncanny to the next level. There's a lot he has to work with as events like Fear Itself unfold. He's proven himself thus far. He's more than earned both the fear and love of X-fans everywhere. Nuff said!

Daken #8 - The X-23/Daken Saga Continues

I've made no secret of my disdain of Daken. I liken him to a cross between Gordan Gecko and David Lee Roth, a douche-bag so full of himself that he's fuck his own ass if he could. I never really bothered with his ongoing. If I wanted to read two dozen pages of some degenerate asshole I'd read one of Donald Trump's books. But he's not the only Wolverine spin-off in the Marvel Universe. X-23 has endeared herself to me much more. She's a far superior character in that she doesn't have to act like a complete asshole to set herself apart from her predecessor. She's her own character and under Marjorie Liu, her new series has been a monument to awesome.

Now after each character has waded through their own pool of shit, they're finally set to clash in a story entitled Collision. It reviewed the first part in X-23 #8. It was a story that did everything right. It brought X-23 and Gambit to mean streets of Madripoor. It showed why Madripoor makes Tijuana look like a Saudi Arabian religious compound. It also put X-23 and Daken within stabbing distance of one another and they took full advantage of it. The issue ended with the two characters bloodied and pissed off. Daken #8 picks up right after that. Can the series continue even within the pages where the douchiness is so thick that you can't read it around an open flame?

Well Daken #8 starts from Daken's perspective and not X-23's. He's still staring down X-23, seeing Wolverine in her eyes and not in a good way. They're both in a position to tear into each other like a pack of hungry wolves that just broke into John Goodman's refrigerator. Then all that heated action that made the end of the last issue so thrilling takes an unexpected turn. Instead of fighting on, Daken does what can't be describe as exceedingly douchy. But it can be described as exceedingly fucked up because he just asks X-23 to take his hand, after his inner musings blatantly state he sees Wolverine in her. If that's not fucked up enough, X-23 does this even though she says he doesn't need him. I don't know if this was Marjorie Liu's idea or Daniel Way's, but it's more fucked up than Gary Busey's psych evaluation.

I really wish I could figure out what the fuck happened here. I would need the brain of Stephen Hawkings and whatever medications Michael Jackson was taking to make sense of it. Just after X-23 flat out rejects Daken's hand, Tyger shows up. She was a big player in the last issue and now somehow she's at the scene. It's not clear whether Daken goes to her or she comes to him. But for reasons that defy modern physics, X-23 just completely disappears. It doesn't show her walking away. It doesn't show her escaping. No attempt is made to explain this shit. Daken just talks to Tyger, who reminds him she helped him get control of Madripoor and he's responsible. But trying to teach an asshole like Daken responsibility is like trying to teach abstinence to a porn star. It's a waste of words.

Again, there's another fucked up scene transition. There's no narration. There's no mention of where X-23 went or what Tyger even wants Daken to do. He just goes on his merry way, reciting lines from old poems and sounding like a douche-bag with every line. So that epic fight that unfolded against X-23 and Daken in the last issue amounts to precisely dick. It makes no sense and there's no flow to this book.

So when Daken finally meets up with the mysterious Malcolm Concord that was revealed in the pages of X-23, it has about as much impact as Brett Favre saying he's going to retire. There's not a whole lot of groundbreaking revelations here other than Daken seems to want to launch his flesh rocket into Concord's chocolate factor. That and he wants Concord to make a new Weapon X program that will make him even more powerful than his predecessor. It's the kind of douche-bag behavior you would expect from Daken, but it's low even for him.

Concord seems to want X-23 as a test subject and who wouldn't? Damaged teenage girls who want to kill the people who fuck them up are just so easy to mess with. It's about as groundbreaking as another porn star claiming to nailed Tiger Woods. So it basically confirms what X-23 suspected. Daken was working with Concord and the Weapon X program is up and running again, just as boobalicious Miss Sinister claimed in the previous arc. I want to say that this is another dick move because unlike every other Wolverine spin-off, Daken is actually embracing Weapon X. Yeah, it makes him different. But the way he goes about it still makes him a douche. However, he's not above screwing Weapon X over as he screws everybody over both pornographically and figuratively.

So it's also not terribly surprising when X-23 emerges with Gambit to basically fuck Concord up. Again, this comes after X-23 saying she doesn't need Daken's help. It's not really a twist. It's basically showing one thing and doing the other. It's like hypocrisy only it doesn't get you a job as a treasury secretary after you've skimped on your taxes. I wish I could figure out how the course of events unfolded, but I re-read this comic several times and still couldn't get it down. I don't know if it was poor planning or it's like the movie Inception where it's purposefully confusing. That may work in movies where Leo Dicapprio is there to make the women go into orgasmic fits, but in a comic book like this you might as well try teaching brain surgery with a coloring book.

X-23 doesn't waste time with Concord. Apparently she was following Daken, but again it's hard to figure out because her fight with Daken basically ended on a WTF note. Now that she has Concord in her grasp, she prepares to have a little chat with him. And by chat I mean in the way Freddy Kruger chats with whining teenage girls. She explains to him how she was taught all the fine elements of torture at an age when most girls are just learning to dress like sluts from Miley Cyrus inspired concerts. She demonstrates that by tearing off some of Concord's nails. For a teenage girl, it's pretty badass and it's a nice touch for X-23. She's been basically written out of the issue to this point and she makes a powerful statement that hurts like hell just to think about.

While Concord is getting the kind of pedicure you can only get from a Somalian warlord, Daken decides to follow his dick again and flirt with Gambit. Keep in mind, he's doing this while a man is being tortured. This is the sort of thing that gives him a boner and he has the gall to use it by asking Gambit to take a cruise down the Hershey highway with him. Now you could argue Gambit is a bit of a douche, but his bullshit smells like summer roses compared to the stomach-melting stench of Daken exudes.

Even the worst Gambit haters in the world of comic fandom have to admit that Daken is a few rungs lower on the ladder of assholes. You can't help but forgive some of the guy's flaws when he starts tearing into Daken the same way X-23 should have done in the first few pages of the issue. Daken does seem to get under Gambit's skin, pointing out correctly that he's a scoundrel who would rob his grandmother and kick her in the face yet find some twisted way to justify it. He'll likely do that to X-23 as well. Daken may not be wrong, but he still deserves the beating he gets from Gambit and it's not the kind that'll give him another boner (I think).

Unfortunately, Gambit makes the same mistake as X-23 and doesn't keep pounding Daken until he's a metrosexual puddle of puss. While he was busy keeping his ass away from Daken's other claw, Malcolm Concord managed to stick X-23 with a needle. And that's not a porno joke either. Somehow while this deranged teenage girl was torturing him, he found a way to take her out. Every parent in the world would get on their knees and suck Concord's dick if he shared with them his secrets. Unfortunately, this is never shown and when Gambit sees it he ends up getting knocked out. I can only assume Daken will find a way to have his way with him off panels.

So the big fight between X-23 and Daken falters in the same way a party at frat house house falters. Someone gets knocked out, some homoerotic innuendo is shared, and someone gets knocked unconscious and thrown into the trunk of a car. There's no implied date rape, but given this is Daken we're talking about it could have happened off-panel. It makes me wonder why he doesn't ditch Madripoor and just enroll in some underachieving college where he can indulge in all the reckless poon and degrading violence that a degenerate like him could want. Unfortunately, it doesn't do X-23 much good. She was pushed aside in this issue and shuffled around like personalities of Mike Meyers. Yet it all ends with her getting thrown in the trunk. It's an underwhelming end to a disappointing book.

Now before I score this let me state outright that I understand this is a Daken book. It makes sense for him to take center stage. I don't mind that he had more panel time than X-23. I do mind that it wasn't developed in a very coherent way. The fight that began in X-23 #8 was just completely cut off so Daken could do his own thing. It felt like a string of choppy transitions that left one too many gaping plot holes. Did X-23 just stand there after Daken went off to meet Tyger? What the hell did Daken hope to gain by reaching out to X-23? It just seemed like an excuse to stop the fight so the story with Malcolm Concord could unfold. It's a messy way to tell a story and it really stunts the momentum that this book had in the last issue.

That's not to say it was terrible. The book definitely picked up steam as it neared the end. X-23's confrontation with Concord was very powerful and it involved an exploding car, so I'll give bonus points to that. Also, Gambit got to play a bigger part by beating up Daken when he tried to flirt with him. That's definitely a plus because Gambit hasn't really done much in the past two issues of X-23. It's nice to see him finally partake in a major fight. It would have a lot more impact if the story was actually well-organized. That way the fight would feel more natural. Sadly, the weak beginning of the issue really stunts the potential of this book.

There is still one issue left of the Collision arc. It's set to conclude in X-23 #9. I'm still excited about it, but this issue really left me underwhelmed. It's not a terrible book. It has all the potential necessary to be as awesome as X-23 #8, but it just doesn't follow through. The latter half of the book is solid while the first half is a mess. So in the interest of balance I give Daken #8 a 2.5 out of 5. If you only read half the book, you'll get plenty of awesome. It just depends on which half you read. The X-23/Daken battle has been pretty entertaining so far, but this was definitely a hiccup. It has every potential to finish strong. Like a witness to a drunken bar fight, it just needs to be coherent. Nuff said!

X-men Supreme Issue 31: Memory Musings PREVIEW

Well after so many updates to the bios and pics area, it's time for the X-men Supreme fanfiction series to resume the core of it's awesome. I'm very excited about the upcoming issue. The previous issue, The Unstoppable Juggernaut, was potent entry of classic X-men action. It brought the infamous Juggernaut to this fanfiction series and introduced a less familiar face in John "Thunderbird" Proudstar. Juggernaut definitely got his share in the previous issue of X-men Supreme. In this upcoming issue, Thunderbird will get his. Don't expect it to be nearly as explosive as the previous issue, but this fanfiction series involves more than just action. There is an entire history to the universe that X-men Supreme takes place in. I haven't had time to flesh it out completely. Keep in mind issue 1 began long after the X-men were established. What happened before that? How did the X-men get to where they are now? Well this next issue will start to tell that story! Below is a brief preview to show what you can expect from this very important issue.

John laughed again as Logan took bigger gulps of his drink. He had to admit, Logan was a pretty swift drinker. As soon as he finished the bottle he slipped the bartender another round of bills. He was already looking at Logan strangely, but he didn’t get paid to judge. He got paid to serve drinks. Soon Logan had another bottle of whiskey in front of him.

“Tell me something, Proudstar, what makes a girl like Jeannie tick?” said Logan as he opened up the new bottle, “I was with her for months. We went out, talked, humped, all that crap. I learned a lot about her, but I never could quite figure her out.”

“Is that another reason why you’re here? To get some answers about Jean you weren’t able to get when you were together?” asked John.

“If you’re gonna start answering questions with more questions, then save me the trouble and just shut the hell up,” grumbled Logan.

“Take it easy, Logan. I’m still sore from the Juggernaut fight,” said John, “But I can’t say I blame you for wanting answers. I was with Jean for almost a year. And I’ve asked myself that same question many times before.”

“Let me guess, you had no better luck than I did,” Logan surmised.

“Seeing as how I’ve known her longer, I like to think I have some insight. But Jean’s a complicated woman with a complicated history. Everybody in the X-men is like that I guess. You and I are no exception.”

“Seeing as how I don’t know shit about you I’ll take your word for it.”

“But Jean Grey is special,” said John distantly, “I know we’re probably bias because we dated her, but she’s really something.”

“That she is,” sighed Logan, thinking back fondly to the good times he had with her.

“It’s amazing how far she’s come,” John continued to muse, “Kind of puts a lot of things into perspective.”

“Sounds like quite a story,” said Logan as he started gulping down more whiskey, “Care to share more?”

“Are you really interested or is that just the liquor talking?”

“It’s easier to get drunk when you got something else to listen to than the rest of these lowlifes,” he shrugged, “And unless you’re gonna tell me you got something else better to do, why the hell not?”

Logan had a way with words. John was starting to see why Jean hooked up with him. Turning back to his beer, he figured he might as well come out with it. It had been a while since he had anyone to talk to anyway, let alone share a beer with.

“Just warning you, it gets a bit complicated. And I don’t know how much you can understand when your drunk.”

“So try anyways. Think of it as a challenge.”

John smiled and shook his head. He finished his beer and signaled the bartender to get him another. This was going to be a long story. He might as well stock up.

“If you say so,” he sighed, “I’ll start from the beginning on the day I joined the institute."

The plans I have for this fanfiction series are still pretty extensive. The next issue will set the stage for a fresh arc that if you've kept track of the hints I've dropped, will be quite revealing! In the meantime I'll continue to work on upgrading this website. Just this past week, X-men Supreme saw the launch of it's own wiki site! Thanks to a very generous fan named Jenna, X-men Supreme has yet another medium in which it can grow. It's still new, but I hope to see it flourish as this website has.

I also hope to see more reviews come in for future issues of thsi fanfiction series. Again, there have been some very nice fans like rekkanoryo who have commented on multiple issues. I hope more are able to do so. Just know that I'm always willing to chat! Feel free to contact me at any time. Thank you all very much for your generous support. Stay tuned for more updates on the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. Until next time, take care and best wishes! Excelsior!

Jack