Dreams of War: Uncanny X-men #16

The following is my review of Uncanny X-men #16, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Some people never change. It could even be argued that most people never change. Their influences may change. Their circumstances and motivations may change. But at their core, they remain the same person. That's why when villains become heroes, it rarely lasts. And it doesn't necessarily cut both ways either. Heroes can become villains too, but they're far more likely to stay villains. That's because being a hero and doing the right thing is hard. In the same way some alcoholics are doomed to relapse, some reformed villains are doomed to become villains again.

It seems like it has been a long time since Magneto was a major villain. After the events of House of M,  he withdrew from mutant affairs and further clashes with the X-men. And when he returned in the pages of Uncanny X-men, he humbled himself in front of Cyclops and became one of the X-men's heaviest hitters. It has gotten to a point where there is an entire generation of readers who wouldn't know that Magneto was a villain if they hadn't seen the X-men movies. But readers familiar with Magneto's history always knew it was only a matter of time before Magneto's old habits caught up with him. Like addicts that never stop being addicts, he needed only the right circumstances to fall off the horse. And those circumstances are what plays out in Uncanny X-men #16.

The whole story is dedicated to reminding Magneto of his original vision for mutants. It shows that he is dissatisfied with the way Cyclops's mutant revolution has played out. Not long ago, he stood by Cyclops's side as he addressed a crowd of pro-mutant protesters at a university. It's probably the first time that Magneto has ever seen humans protesting in favor of mutants, supporting their struggle. On nearly every level, this should be a good thing. If humans are protesting in support of the mutant struggle, then that should help them as they deal with hostile authorities. It sounds like a win-win if ever there was one.

But Magneto doesn't see it this way. He sees it as an insult. These human protesters conduct themselves as if they are sharing the burden that all mutants deal with for being different. And to him, that's a joke because they really have no idea what it's like to be a mutant. These humans never had to go through something like the holocaust or M-Day. They also fail to realize that so much of this burden that mutants deal with comes from other humans. To him, it's like an army of drug dealers at an anti-smoking rally. To him, it's the most offensive kind of joke without using a racial slur.

So now Magneto is fuming, but he doesn't take it out on the protesters. Luckily for them, he actually does have a more pressing issue and so do the rest of the X-men. Someone has been attacking mutants with Sentinels again and not the big cumbersome kind with the goofy faces. He coordinates with Dazzler, who has been Mystique in disguise for the past few issues, to track down these Sentinels. This leads him to Madripoor, which is probably the first place anyone in the market for killer robots would look. But upon arriving, he notices that Madripoor has become to mutants what Cancun has become to American college students on spring break. It's a new haven for their kind and one that is governed by a new mutant presence.

And when Magneto confronts this presence, it marks a critical turning point that has been several years in the making. It turns out that Mystique and a new Brotherhood have been running the show on Madripoor. And they haven't just made it a haven for mutants. They distribute Mutant Growth Hormone, which turns ordinary humans into mutants. So the whole city is now overrun by mutants and psudeo-mutants. Mystique paints it as a beautiful work of art worthy of Picasso, a place where mutants can just come and be who they are. It sounds so appealing. But for Magneto, it's only the second most egregious insult he's encountered. It's one thing to get it from a crowd of immature college students. It's quite another to get it from the Brotherhood he helped create.

This time, he doesn't just fantasize about responding to this insult. He attacks Mystique and the Brotherhood, much to their shock. In doing so he reminds them of the divide that the X-men and the Brotherhood once faced. Xavier dreamed of peaceful coexistence. Magneto dreamed of mutants asserting themselves as the new dominant species on the planet. But Mystique's dream is a nightmare. He sees her setup on Madripoor the same way most people would see a newly graduated college student that lives in their parents' basement, smokes pot all day, and uses any excuse to avoid getting involved in the real world. Magneto, at his core, is a man who believes mutants should stand up and fight, not lay down and hope the conflict blows over.

This harsh reminder puts Magneto in a position where he can stake a step back and look at the state of the mutant race. They're no longer going extinct and they're no longer unified behind a common goal. Their aimless and unmotivated, preferring to either aid a divided X-men in their bickering or get drunk in Madripoor. It shows him that there is a void that needs to be filled with the mutant race. There's no dream to follow anymore. This new generation of mutants is content to never confront the challenges they face. For someone like Magneto who has been confronting those challenges all his life, that's nothing short of cowardice.

It is by far the most powerful Magneto story since House of M. Uncanny X-men #16 effectively sets Magneto on a new path that diverges from Cyclops, Wolverine, Mystique, and pretty much everyone else claiming to have a vision for the mutant race. It's like he is Gordon Ramsey watching a bunch of amateur chefs repeatedly ruin the same dish and now he's ready to get into the kitchen himself so he can do it his way. It's a very satisfying transformation and one that feels natural, adhering to the core of Magneto's persona. It may be jarring for those who are used to seeing Magneto as a hero, but it's as refreshing as a cold beer on a hot summer day for fans longing to see Magneto as the villain he is at heart.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Uncanny X-men #16

I don’t claim to speak for law-biding citizens or have an expertise in what constitutes common decency. I’m pretty sure that between booze, weed, and blow I’ve lowered my standards to the point where I’m the least qualified person in the world to discuss such issues. So maybe I have no credibility when it comes to justifying Cyclops’s revolution in Uncanny X-men. I know I’ve made no secret of how I think he’s right to give the middle finger to Wolverine, the Avengers, and authority in general. But I also understand that revolutionaries still have to be assholes on some levels. It’s just a matter of degree and for all the shit Cyclops has swam through over the years, he doesn’t stink nearly as much as some characters. And yes, I’m referring to Beast and Wolverine. But I do make an effort to be objective on this blog, even if I don’t make an effort to be sober. This review of Uncanny X-men #16 should reflect those efforts, but please don’t ask that I take a breathalyzer test.

The revolution is still unfolding and Magneto is taking some time to see for himself. To do this, he visits the same college campus in Ann Arbor, Michigan that Cyclops’s team visited a few issues back. Sure, they got attacked by a fucking Sentinel, but they made quite an impression. Some of the protesters are divided in that they still see the X-men as heroes and mutants as brothers. Others think they staged that shit and those people probably rub elbows with the same dipshits that think 9/11 was staged. So all in all, it should paint a pretty rosy picture. But Magneto doesn’t see it this way.

In fact, Magneto is pissed the fuck off by what he sees. It’s easy to forget that there was once a time when Magneto looked at humans the same way most people look at analog TVs. And when humans say they see mutants as brothers, he finds that insulting in the same way a creationist finds fossils in a museum insulting. So in his mind, he attacks them to give them a taste of what it feels like to be oppressed. He’s not wrong for doing so. These are a bunch of college students whose idea of the real world centers around exams, frat parties, and getting laid. It doesn’t actually happen. It’s a fantasy in the same way my relationship with Jessica Alba is a fantasy, but it shows more than anything that Magneto doesn’t care for this revolution.

As he muses over the ways to teach these over-privlidged college students who have yet to be screwed over by their loan debt a lesson, he catches up with Dazzler, who is still Mystique in disguise. They have a little chat about the Sentinel attack he encountered the last time they visited a college campus. Magneto basically tells her that SHIELD gives way too few fucks about this and he doesn’t appreciate that. Mutants seem to be so low on their priority list that they’re probably somewhere between securing hookers for politicians and protecting Tony Stark’s patents.

But the chat eventually shifts into a discussion about how Magneto used to approach the mutant issue. There’s no question that he’s much more subdued than he used to be. Hell, he was once a guy that ripped the adamantium out of Wolverine’s body with a goddamn smile. But now his dream and Charles Xavier’s dream is pretty fucked, so much so that Dazzler/Mystique claims that the trauma may be what fucked up his powers. It’s actually not that unreasonable because it really isn’t clear what Magneto’s vision for mutants is anymore. He has just been following Cyclops all this time. Is that really all he wants? Unless he’s a hot telepathic woman, what’s the appeal?

The conversation starts to piss him off, but then Dazzler/Mystique mentions that there might be clues to the Sentinel attack on Madripoor. And yes, this is the same Madripoor that Mystique tried to buy from Hydra with a big fucking pile of money in the pages of All New X-men. Coincidence? Fuck no, but it gets even better. Apparently, Madripoor has become the new Utopia for mutants. Dazzler/Mystique calls it Genosha meets Las Vegas. So it’s a place where mutants dominate and hookers are freely available. Hell, that still qualifies as a vacation spot in my book. Plus, but it gives him an excuse to go to Madripoor and pick up a few hookers. And if he finds any connections with the Sentinel attacks, then that’s just bonus.

So with more than enough incentive, Magneto travels to Madripoor dressed like a gay Sean Connery. He arrives to see that Dazzler/Mystique was telling the truth. There are a lot of mutants running around the streets of Madripoor right next to the hookers, drug dealers, and criminals. It’s probably not the best setting for a new generation of mutants, but at least they won’t have to worry about drinking ages and the DEA. Magneto starts investigating and like all good investigations, it starts in a bar. And in Madripoor, that usually means it ends in a bar fight. After only taking a few shots of vodka, he starts asking about who is in charge. He might as well have told everyone he took a piss in all their drinks because that doesn’t pan out well.

A bar fight breaks out and suddenly I have flashbacks of my 21^st birthday. Good times. But the bar fights at my party didn’t involve drunks hopped up on Mutant Growth Hormone. Because it’s not just mutants that are setting up shop in Madripoor, humans looking to act like mutants have shown up and started shooting up. It’s not quite as pathetic as middle class white kids going to rap concerts in the inner city, but it does make for a much more interesting bar fight.

However, Magneto still kicks their asses. Even with broken powers, he’s more than equipped to rough up a few mutant wannabes. Now he has even more questions. He wants to know who is in charge and where they’re getting their MGH. Through some creative manipulations of a knife and a gun, he gets someone to shit his pants and tell him that they get it from the same place. It’s probably the most productive bar fights in the history of bar fights. For Magneto, it’s very satisfying because it has been too long since he kicked ass on his own. Plus, he’s the only one who can make the gay Sean Connery outfit look badass.

The results of the bar fight takes him to Hydra Tower where is greeted by the All New Brotherhood, which consists of Blob (who somehow got his powers back), Sabretooth, and Silver Samurai. They all welcome him with open arms. They probably even offered him a line of blow off-panel, which I guess is the Madripoor equivalent of a handshake. Then Dazzler joins the party, which is confusing for Magneto at first. Then she reveals that she is Mystique, which effectively answers plenty of questions. Now I imagine he’s confused. That or they gave him some really shitty blow when he showed up.

This time they have an entirely new conversation. And for once, Mystique actually sounds reasonable and friendly. She explains how she used her connections and that giant pile of money she gained in All New X-men to secure Madripoor. She then turned it into what she believes has been their goal all along, which is to create a homeland where mutants can just be mutants. It’s actually not an unreasonable endeavor. And for Mystique, that’s saying a lot given all the way her character has been fucked up lately. She even allows MGH to flourish because it helps pay for all this shit. Here on Madripoor, mutants don’t have to be part of the X-men’s fight or part of some mutant domination plot. They can just be themselves. It’s like a college campus where there are no classes and nobody has to pay tuition.

On the surface, it really does sound pretty nice. And for once, it doesn’t have any hidden plots that center around tormenting Wolverine. There’s no dream this time. Mutants aren’t out to conquer the world or just live in peace. Mystique’s only vision for Madripoor is to make a place where they can just live. Granted, they have to live in a place famous for smuggling, drugs, and prostitution. Then again, that might just be a bonus. It still beats the hell out of downtown Detroit.

But Magneto doesn’t see it as being so nice. And when Mystique extends an invitation for Magneto to join them on Madripoor, he’s downright pissed off. It pisses him off in the same way seeing those college kids call mutants their brothers pissed him off. He talks about the vision Charles Xavier had for mutants and the vision he had for mutants. But what Mystique doesn’t even qualify as a fucking vision. There’s no direction here. It’s basically just mutants should live, do jack shit, and not give a damn about the world around them. It embodies the Tea Party’s worst fear about welfare in that it will encourage an entire generation to be lazy and apathetic.

So Magneto responds by taking control of Silver Samurai and using that to stab Mystique. Then he goes off, taking out Sabretooth and Blob. They’re all understandably shocked and probably a little confused. But Magneto doesn’t give them time to get too pissed off. It’s a short battle that shows Magneto at his full wrath, something we haven’t seen in a long time and something that was more overdue than Guns n’ Roses’ last album. He even fucks up Hydra Tower. Why? Because he’s fucking Magneto, that’s why.

And while this whole shit storm with Magneto is unfolding, Cyclops and the rest of his team have no fucking clue what’s going on. They just know that he’s gone and from the looks of it, he’s not coming back. And why should he? Magneto clearly doesn’t care for the impact that Cyclops’s revolution is having. He also doesn’t care for Mystique’s lazier approach on Madripoor. There’s nobody else to step up and be the kind of asshole that a real revolutionary needs to be. Cyclops can only be that asshole to an extent. Magneto will have to be the one to take it a step further and this issue succeeds at proving he’s the perfect guy for the job.

This issue is the Magneto story that I’ve been impatiently waiting for. I honestly never thought I would see two states legalize pot before I saw Magneto become a villain again, but I just got back from a trip to Colorado so I really don’t care. Now Magneto has impolitely reminded everyone that like Charles Xavier, he too had a dream. And what Mystique, Cyclops, and Wolverine are doing for the mutant race is taking a big steaming shit on that dream. He has finally come to the conclusion that this new generation of mutants needs a new leader and a new vision. He may not have Cyclops’s penis, but he has the balls to step up and be that leader. And I couldn’t be more satisfied with his new mindset without a bottle of whiskey and a hooker. Uncanny X-men #16 gets a 9 out of 10. So fuck the revolution, fuck misguided college kids, and fuck the Schism. Magneto is ready to do his own thing. I’m getting a case of beer and a bucket of popcorn because it’s sure to be a beautiful thing. Nuff said!

Uncanny X-men #16 Preview - Return of Evil Magneto

It's finally happening. I thought it was going to happen years ago. I thought I took one too many hits of LSD because it can't have been this long. But the wait is finally over. No, we didn't find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. No, President Obama didn't admit he was born in Kenya. And no, Bill O'Riley didn't admit that he's just a grumpy old fuck. What's happening is that Magneto is going to become a villain again.

It may not sound like a big deal and that's understandable. There's an entire generation of comic book fans that don't know Magneto as the X-men's arch nemesis. Ever since House of M, he's been one of those sympathetic douche-bags. He's like Dexter Morgan, minus the sex appeal. For years he was MIA. Then he got his powers back and the first thing he did was fall to his knees and proclaim that Cyclops was awesome. And unlike Emma Frost, he didn't even have to suck his dick to reinforce that point. Since then, Magneto has been Cyclops's second-in-command. He's basically one of the X-men's heavy hitters and that's how fans have known him for nearly five fucking years. But that's all about to change.

Cyclops is no longer the leader of the entire mutant race. He is no longer the charismatic man who leads the X-men by day and bones Emma Frost at night. He's a wanted fugitive in a world where the mutant population is growing and the authorities are treating it like an outbreak of food poisoning. And now Cyclops is a wanted fugitive and a pariah in amongst his peers. Sure, he managed to convince the O5 X-men to join him, but convincing a bunch of confused teenagers to go along with him is like picking up drunk girls at a frat party. Everything is graded on a curve. Magneto has plenty of reasons to break away from the X-men and become a villain again. And Uncanny X-men #16 promises to begin that process. CBR released a lettered preview of that process and it's more refreshing than a cold beer on opening day at a baseball game.

CBR: Uncanny X-men #16 Preview

Uncanny X-men #16
• Magneto reaches a crossroads. Everything he’s fought for is called into question and he’s forced to make a decision that will change him forever!

It's nice to see that Cyclops and his team made an impression when they dropped in on that rally a few issues back. It seems so long ago since X-men: Battle of the Atom got wedged in between. But Magneto doesn't seem to appreciate their support as much as Cyclops. He basically sees these protests as a bunch of rebellious young kids who would rather pretend they're making a difference because it's easier than studying for their next exam. He's not wrong either. Protests on college campuses have about as much impact on the course of human history as pissing in a river impacts flooding downstream. It's still a dick move to attack them rather than just wait for them to get bored. But if he's going to be a villain again, he ought to be a dick.

Now I'm not too stoned to see that there's probably a more pragmatic reason as to why Marvel is making him a villain now. Later this year, another shitty X-men movie is going to come out and in that movie, Magneto is going to be a villain. And since synergy is all the rage amongst big corporations, it makes sense to align some of the details with the comics. They still think that more than a handful of people will go to a comic book movie and then go right to a comic book shop. Those poor dumb bastards, but their hearts are in the right place. I'm just glad we've got a villainous Magneto again. Someone needs to give a giant middle finger to humanity in this bold new world and I doubt he's forgotten how good he is at it. Nuff said!

Uncanny X-men #16 - Victorian Era Awesome

I often look back at the Victorian era with mixed emotions. Sure, they were the most uptight and repressed culture since Christine O'Donnell's bid for Congress. But if you actually look into these folks, you'll find that while they were repressed publicly, privately they were more perverted than an pervert in a panty factory. They wrote massive amounts of porn, set new standards in sadomasochistic fetishes, and came up with exceedingly inventive ways to control their junk less they abuse it outside the proper S&M dungeon. For that reason and many others, I'm glad that Sinister used this era as a model with which to build his secret underground kingdom. We haven't seen the S&M dungeons, but if he's made a true representation of 19th century England I can only assume they're hidden next to the stores that sell chastity belts.

You would think that a guy who is also his own species that creates his own little slice of the past in an underground cavern would be pretty fucking twisted. And you would be right without even having to take a bong hit. But for Sinister, twisted and tact are like peanut butter and jelly. They go so well together, but when you deep fry it you feel like you're biting into a slice of heaven (I just bought a deep fryer by the way and I'm still finding new ways to use it). The deep fryer in this instance is the Celestial technology that he acquired in the first major arc of Uncanny X-men after the relaunch. In the pages of Avengers vs. X-men, he's put that technology to use powering his Sinister version of London. However, now he has to use it in a slightly more pragmatic way.

Uncanny X-men #15 had the Phoenix Five take a quick break from pwning the Avengers to take on another threat that could potentially corrupt Hope and the Phoenix. Sinister already has a sordid history of sticking his dick in Phoenix plots. He created Madelyne Pryor and laughed his ass off when Cyclops was gullible enough to marry her. He also was the first to tell Hope about the Phoenix Force. So they know he's a threat and thanks to the Phoenix, the Phoenix Five look to neutralize him before he can wave that sinister dick of his in their faces any further.

Uncanny X-men #16 has the Phoenix Five receiving a warm welcome from Sinister. By warm I mean armed to the teeth with Celestial style weaponry. It's the kind of weaponry the Church of Scientology probably wishes they had when they're not trying to subversively destroy pharmaceutical companies. It makes for the kind of flashy battles that we've come to expect in Avengers vs. X-men, but this time it happens in a hidden underground cavern of Victorian style England and the targets are all creepy, pasty faced psychopaths. It means the Phoenix Five can afford to be mindlessly violent is what I'm saying.

The Phoenix Five's strategy is simple. Since Sinister is his own species, they need to attack his little tribute to the second most repressive era in modern history after Rick Santorum's presidential bid to completely neutralize him. They take to that strategy with their full Phoenix powers with the kind of enthusiasm you would expect, but Sinister remains as calm as Tom Brady on Valium. While his city is being attacked, he's casually dining with some Madelyne Pryor clones while enjoying a fancy feast that probably features water that's $50 a glass. Madelyne expresses some mild concern, but Sinister shows that he not only has a plan. He has a plan designed to make the X-men shit their pants.

Part of his army included clones of his Marauders. Sinister has a long history of using clones so it stands to reason that he would clone more than just cannon fodder for his Celestial powered weapons. How about cloning something bigger, badder, and shocking enough to make the assholes of cosmic beings clench? That's when we find out that Sinister didn't just build his castle in some dank cavern. He cloned Karoka, as in the fucking living island of Karoka that holds such a special place in the annuls of X-men lore. You can never accuse Sinister of doing anything half-assed. Even the Phoenix Five admit that they're surprised by this shit. The Avengers could learn a thing or two from Sinister, provided they cast aside little things like ethics and sanity. But then again, you can't argue with the results. Just look at the sheer ballsiness of his castle and your colon should tell you all you need to hear.

The surprise of Sinister's castle being built on the back of a living island only offered a prelude of things to come. The Phoenix Five try to flex their Phoenix powers with Colossus using it to grow like the monsters in those old Power Range cartoons. It seems like a good strategy until Sinister unleashes a wave of Gambit clones, each charged up in a way that makes them a walking suicide bomber. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good Cajun, but it effectively does to Colossus what pouring a batch of fire ants onto your roommate's bed does. It leaves him annoyed, pained, and threatening to cut your nuts off with a butter knife. Okay, that was just my ex-roommate.

Gambit isn't the only one Sinister took the time to clone into an army either. To take down Namor, he unleashes hoards of Cannonballs (the mutant and not the spherical thing you chuck at bowling pins and/or windshields of people you don't like). Like the exploding Gambits, they serve to annoy and frustrate Namor. He handles it somewhat better than Colossus, but even his exceedingly bloated ego can only handle so much. Seeing as how Sinister went through the trouble to clone so many mutants and build his castle on the back of a living island, you have to assume this isn't just because he wants to record it and post it to youtube to compete with cats and nut shots.

Even Emma isn't immune from Sinister's madness. He actually unleashes waves of killer cows at her. No, that's not a metaphor for a weapon powered by the Octomom's baby fat. Sinister actually used exploding cows to attack Emma Frost. For a woman that probably prides herself on wearing underwear that costs more than a car, that's pretty damaging. This attack leads the Phoenix Five to actually look like they're struggling for the first time since they got their Phoenix powers. Magik even suggests they pull back before Sinister throws exploding sheep at them next. But then she, Emma, and Colossus are hit with some mysterious blast that causes them to disappear. And by mysterious I mean fucking confusing because it's almost as if they disappear off-panel. I expect that kind of shit in an Ultimate comic written by Jeph Loeb, but not an issue of Uncanny X-men written by Kieron Gillen.

Now this battle is a major shift because it's the first time the Phoenix Five have faced a villain like Sinister. It's also the first time they've actually struggled to contain a threat. I've seen how some fanboys love to bitch and moan on message boards about how the Phoenix Five are too powerful. These are the same fanboys that probably bitch and moan about Wonder Woman wearing pants too, but now they have to admit for once that their bitching has been addressed because they're taking on a villain that has the resources and bravado to take on the Phoenix Five. It makes for a battle of a very different yet equally great awesome compared to the ones they've had with the Avengers.

But as nice as it is to see the battle against Sinister give the Phoenix Five a run for their money, the action gets a bit choppy. The other members of the Phoenix Five just disappear and not much explanation or hints are given as to the source. You assume there is one, but there's really not much to go on aside from maybe they had to go take a cosmic shit or something. It allows Sinister to unleash some extra Celestial firepower to down Cyclops. And since humbling him in front of his Phoenix-powered buddies isn't emasculating enough, he has to bring in an army of his ex-wives clones. You would almost rather go skinny dipping in a pond full of those fish with a taste for human testicles. It's implied that they're the source of the disappearances, but again it's really hard to tell with or without weed.

The battle between Sinister and the Phoenix Five has now devolved into a state between a Mitt Romney speech and a Jerry Springer rerun. The Phoenix Five have been humbled and even they have to admit that they could use a hand against someone who likes to throw ex-wives into a war. I'm pretty sure that's on par with genocide under the Geneva Convention, but I doubt Sinister gives a shit. Luckily, the Phoenix Five hasn't alienated all their teammates with their world-shaping utopia policy. Magneto, Storm, Danger, and Psylocke got bored waiting around on the surface and raiding Wolverine's old liquor cabinet. They show up at the end of the issue seeing that the battle against Sinister has become too fucked up for even a cosmic force to handle. So they'll need either help from the rest of the Extinction Team or a cosmic sized dildo to help unfuck this battle whichever comes first. Personally, I was looking forward to the cosmic sized dildo.

For most of Avengers vs. X-men, the Phoenix Five have faced all kinds of threats. Most of them involve being careful because the threats they were facing involved friends and allies. Well there are no allies here. The Phoenix Five could afford to exercise all its depraved cosmic fetishes of death, destruction, and bondage it wanted on Sinister. Because like a sadomasochist with a self-emoliation compunction, he can take it. Yet despite having the power to unleash this cosmic wrath, Sinister still found a way to fuck with them. What sounded like a lopsided battle became lopsided in the opposite way you imagined. You almost forgot that Sinister is the same crafty son-of-a-bitch that hot wired a Celestial. Why shouldn't he be able to measure up against the Phoenix Five.

The struggle of this battle was the real highlight of the issue. However, it was a bit choppy at times towards the end. It really isn't clear why or how Emma and Namor just flat out disappeared. It wasn't clear why Cyclops started panicking. And while it was nice to see Magneto, Danger, Storm, and Psylocke show up in a limited role, nothing was done with Unit sub-plot and nothing really added any drama to them being left out. That didn't mean this issue wasn't awesome. You can't have an issue that involves exploding cows and walking castles that isn't awesome on at least ten different levels. It's an issue that really started strong, but just became more incoherent than a sorority girl at a frat party after a few too many shots.

Kieron Gillen has done more than any writer since Chris Claremont to make Sinister a compelling and disturbing villain again. He's the kind of villain that will give you nightmares, but at the same time he's the kind of guy you want to have a beer with if for no other reason than to see if the beer turns to blood. The biggest accomplishment of this issue was that he finally gave the Phoenix Five a real run for their money with Sinister. That's something event he mighty Avengers couldn't accomplish. For that, Uncanny X-men #16 gets a 4.5 out of 5. The Phoenix Five have been humbled and smothered in cows blood. They now have to prove they can pull a Carrie on Sinister and wipe that creepy grin off his face. But hopefully, they save some of those Madelyne Pryor clones. Because if there's one thing the Marvel Universe has shown over the years, it's that you can never have enough hot redheads with a leather fetish. Nuff said!