Well I've got more Ultimate news and as most who follow this blog know, talking Ultimate comics usually gets me more worked up than Mel Gibson at a Jews for Jesus rally. But this is news that nobody can ignore and news that Marvel saw fit to leak the day before it actually hit the stands. They used the same tactic with the Death of Spider-Man story. All it really revealed is that Ultimate Peter Parker was dead. That was basically it. Of course a lot of people were confused when it was ULTIMATE Peter Parker and not the real Peter Parker in 616. That just goes to show that Ultimate, for all it's bullshit, still hasn't reached the same status as 616. But that's besides the point.
I made sure I'm sober for this one because I don't want to say anything that's going to get me in trouble. I'm sure the NSA and whoever Marvel bribes in the government is watching this. But this week, Marvel revealed who Peter Parker's replacement is. They revealed it's a completely new character, pulled right out of a mix of thin air and Brian Bendis's ass named Miles Morales. The biggest difference? Well, this is where Marvel makes a dick move by playing the race card. Morales is half-black, half-hispanic. He's basically like those multi-ethnic TV hosts that Fox News hires to keep the NAACP off their ass. And if it's a dick move for them, it's a dick move for Marvel. That's my biggest complaint here. This whole premise of making a new Spider-Man to replace Peter Parker and making him out of thin air is one big dick move.
CBR: Ultimate Spider-Man Spoilers Hit Press (Again)
Now why is this a dick move? Well for one, Miles was never mentioned at all before in Ultimate Spider-Man. We have no idea how his story interacts with Peter Parker's, if at all. And even if it does, it requires Bendis to pretty much contrive an entire history within the fabric of Ultimate. There aren't too many cases in the history of literature where that kind of contrived tactic really works out for the better. This is what made the original Clone Saga and X-men Forever so reviled to the point that they were retconned or canceled. When an entire history is suddenly pulled out of a writer's ass, fans tend to not like it. It comes off as the writer trying to impose their own standards over an established continuity. We get that writers at Marvel have a very hard job in trying to fit their work into the greater scheme of the Marvel universe, but not respecting it (especially when a writer starts contradicting their own material) is deeply underhanded. There's an expression for writers who use this kind of contrived storytelling. It's called being a dick.
On top of that, Marvel is playing the race card. It may not be direct and I doubt it is, but Bendis has set it up to basically make himself and Miles Morales completely immune to criticism. Because now if anyone criticizes Miles and says they want Peter Parker back, they can be labeled racist. The same thing happens with President Barack Obama. If you criticize him, it's easy for people to call you a racist. It's an indirect means of sheltering one's self from criticism and that's just plain arrogant. To be so insecure that someone has to use a sensitive issue like race to insulate themselves is another example of being a dick.
If that weren't bad enough, Miles is set up to fail from the get-go for the same reason Ben Riely failed in 616. He's a replacement character. He's replacing Peter Parker. He's not complimenting him like a X-23 or Daken. He's not adding to a legacy like a Kyle Renner or Jon Stewart in Green Lantern. He's outright replacing Peter Parker as Spider-Man. How many times have replacement characters worked? Bucky Barnes lasted less than two years as Captain America. Dick Grayson lasted less than that as Batman. As mentioned already, Marvel tried to get Ben Riley to replace Peter Parker in 616 and it failed miserably. You just can't replace Peter Parker. You can't. That's like trying to make Superman without Kal El. It's like trying to make a one-sided coin. Peter Parker IS Spider-Man. Replacing him is just a massive dick move.
And is isn't just Bendis who is being a dick. Artist Sara Pachelli had the audacity to say the following:
“I promise, you will fall in love with Miles-- I already did. 'Nuff Said.”
Read that over again. I made it large for a reason. Pachelli is implying that fans will love Miles as much as they do Peter Parker. That's like someone coming up to you right after your best friend dies and says "I've got this new best friend for you. I promise you'll love him just as much!" The fact that someone says that with excitement would prompt some to punch that asshole in the face and kick their ass. Again, there's a term for that. It's called being a dick and in a case like this, a massive arrogant dick.
Ultimate Marvel has become a series where Marvel can just be a dick and get away with it. They can kill off characters like Peter Parker, Wolverine, and Professor Xavier and claim it's bold and new. It's not. Being a dick is being a dick no matter what universe it's in. Then to have the audacity to try and replace these characters with Jimmy Hudson, Teddy Allen, Ray Connor, and Miles Morales is just fucking stupid. If you're going to kill a character, at least have the decency to NOT try and replace their ass when their corpse is still fresh. And thinking you can requires not balls, but pig-headed arrogance that makes the narcissists, the assholes, and the politicians of the world. For Marvel and writers like Bendis, who write stories with the premise of with great power comes great responsibility, to act this fucking irresponsible is completely without excuse and without merit.
It's also worth pointing out that replacement characters tend not to work. There's no reason why new characters like Miles can't emerge naturally WITHOUT killing Peter Parker. When a character replaces someone, it cheapens their act because it puts them against an impossible standard to which they'll never measure up. Bucky Barnes didn't last as Captain America. Dick Grayson didn't last as Batman. Sooner or later, fans just don't care for a replacement. They want the real thing. You can only piss on someone's head and tell them it's rain for so long before they realize it's not. It may not happen immediately. This is a gimmick, just like Ultimatum and Death of Spider-Man. All gimmicks wear off and they cheapen the mythos. With a new Spider-Man movie coming out next year and a new cartoon, what are readers going to think when they pick up a book that has a dead Peter Parker and a shitty replacement character in his place? They'll either throw the book away or just pick up a 616 book where despite Peter having made a deal with the devil, he's still alive and not nearly as big a dick as Bendis and the Ultimate staff.
So in the end, I can summarize Marvel's latest move with Ultimate in two words. DICK MOVE. I get that writers all want to leave their mark on a series, but guys like Bendis have something that shitty fanfiction writers like myself don't. They get Marvel's stamp of approval to make their stories canon in addition to getting paid to do it. With that kind of legitimacy comes a responsibility to the fans and the characters. To be that fucking irresponsible is the very epitome of being a dick. I don't care if it involves fictional characters, non-fictional characters, or real people. Being a dick is still being a dick. And Miles Morales is one of Marvel's biggest dick moves in a long time. Nuff said!