Monday, April 15, 2013

The Best Way To Deal With Terror: The A-Word

By now everybody and their mother, grandmother, and inbred third-cousin from Texas probably knows what happened today. Some asshole(s) set off some bombs in Boston today during the Boston Marathon, killing two people and injuring a fuckton more.

I'm not going to report on what people already know. I know people come to this blog to read the comic book reviews of an unapologetic drunk, not to get news on major events. But I feel like I have to say something here, but I assure you it's going to rub people the wrong way and will probably be the most uncomfortable truth you get that doesn't involve an STD or pregnancy test.

It involves terror. Here in the good old USA, terror always seems to be on our minds. The moment we experience something that could even possibly be related to terrorism, we as a people collectively shit our pants and turn to the media, who act like weapons grade laxatives to continue the flow of shit. There's a very big difference between tragedy and terrorism. Tragedy like a school shooting or a natural disaster is shit that we can't control. It's an instance where the victims weren't targeted. They were just in the wrong place on God's shit-list. Those kind of people deserve the utmost sympathy and compassion. I'm not saying that the victims of terrorism don't deserve compassion, but going about it the same way is akin to taking a piss on their graves. And here's why.

Unlike natural disasters, terrorist attacks are meant to...well, terrorize. It's in the fucking name. Terrorist want to scare the shit out of their targets so that they can accomplish a goal or something. Whether it involves politics or just gives them something to jerk off to, their goal is to scare people. And here and America, we're easily terrified. I mean fuck, we're a country that was fucking terrified of Janet Jackson's nipple popping out.

The horror.
Scaring America is like a boxer knocking out a two-year old girl. It's not much of a feat. But the terrorists have to know this on some level. And we play into it every fucking time. Whether it's domestic or international terrorism, we just go along with it because we feel it's the most natural reaction in the world. When crazy shit happens, we should fucking react like someone is chasing us with a shotgun. But that's not what's happening. Terrorists just want to terrorize. That's it. Like the villains in comic books, they want the world to be afraid of them. And even if it kills them, their name still lives on in infamy. Ted Bundy, Osama Bin Laden, the DC Snipers, Anders Breviek, and Adam Lanza are all names that everyone fucking remembers. Nobody remembers the names of the fucking victims. And that's exactly how terrorists want it.

So how do you deal with it? How do you respond to terrorist acts in a way that completely goes against their goals. It can best be summed up in a single word:


I'll say it again.


This is the ultimate weapon against terrorism. To NOT react and NOT do exactly what terror attacks are supposed to do. When a bomb blows up and everyone is supposed to be scared, the complete opposite action that evolution has programed into us (despite with shit-brained creationists tell you) is to be afraid and run. Well that shit worked in the caveman days, but in the age of terrorism that is the exact opposite of an appropriate response. To be in the midst of a terror attack and not even respond with terror is the ultimate act of pwnage. It is the ultimate weapon against anyone and anything that cries out for attention.

Anyone who has ever had a woman give you the silent treatment knows how powerful this is. Because at our core, we still have that inner two-year-old that craves attention and craves adulation from the world. Even when we're being yelled at or condemned, on some level that attention feeds us. The same thing happens with shitty comic books that do shitty things. The stunt pulled by Dan Slott with Superior Spider-Man pissed a lot of people off, but it got everyone's attention and that's all it needed. The worst possible outcome for any shitty gimmick or an act of terror is to completely ignore it. To just look at it with a blank face in the same way you look at a bug flying in circles simply defies the intent of the asshole trying to get your attention.

It's the ultimate weapon we all have, but never bother to master. It's the perfect solution that nobody dares to contemplate. Terrorism is a scary thing, but here's a little context. This latest attack killed 2 people. The September 11th attacks killed a little over 3,000. In the year 2008 alone there were 14,800 deaths from prescription pain killers. On any given day, 100 people die of prescription drug overdoses. That's almost four Sandy Hooks a day. And nobody bats a fucking eye. Nobody throws billions of dollars at this problem whatsoever. And if that doesn't destroy your faith in the human race enough, here's another stat to kick you in your American-loving balls. In the year 2010, there were 38,364 suicides. That's 105 a fucking day! That's right. We are actually killing ourselves faster than any act of terrorism. Yet terrorism somehow gets the billions of dollars in defense spending and the top priority of every President, Prime Minister, and what not. Feeling apathetic yet?

This should be your new role model.
So here's my challenge for tomorrow. Do not mention this terror attack. Just mention the victims. Don't mention name of the city. Don't mention the bombs. Don't mention anything except the victims. And do it with the coldest, most stoic expression you can manage. Moreover, live your life exactly as you did. Completely ignore the terror warnings. Ignore other people who are afraid. Master your ability to not give a fuck about these glorified attention-whores. You'll do more damage than any charity, ceremony, or overpriced military budget.

I know some may be offended by this, but it needs to be said. And since I have this blog, I'm going to say it. We don't live in a comic book world. We have to face the fact at some point that our world is exceedingly boring. That's why we love shit like comic books to begin with. And a few bombs here and there don't make it any less boring. Terrorism would have you believe you've got a lot of shit to be afraid of. Fight them not with outrage, but with apathy. You'll piss them off more than you can imagine. Nuff said!


  1. Deepest sympathy from Germany.
    Just read what happened in Boston.
    While I see school shootings as a kind of domestic terrorism, I agree with you about the other facts.
    If you are afraid of them, then the terrorists reached their goal.
    We got a similar German case with the National Socialist Underground. Those fucking assholes murdered ten innocent people (eight Turkish and one Greek small business owners as well a police woman) and injured many others.But in spite of this, most reports in German media are about the terrorists, not about the victims. Disgusting.
    So you are right.
    Remember the victims but dont be afraid of the murderers.

    1. Thanks for checking out this blog all the way from Germany! I appreciate it. There are sociopaths and murderers in every culture. Making them famous by remembering their names only takes away from the victims. And that's just a croc of shit.