Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Iron Man: Rise of Technovore - Marve + Anime = Awesome


Some things just go together perfectly. Peanut butter and jelly. Chicken wings and beer. Fake boobs and porn stars. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Some of these combinations are obvious to anyone who ever smoked too much weed and got the munchies or skilled enough to use internet porn. But a combination like Marvel and anime? That's one of those combinations that doesn't immediately come to mind. But when you think about it you're like, "Holy fuck! Why didn't I think of that?! I'm either smoking too much weed or not smoking enough!"

That was the feeling I got after watching Iron Man: Rise of Technovore. This neatly packaged little direct-to-Blu-Ray feature really didn't generate much fanfare. It didn't have Rorbert Downey Jr. and Gweneth Paltrow whoring themselves to the Hollywood elites at the behest of studio heads in need of more cocaine money. It was just a simple anime feature, courtesy of an ongoing partnership between Madhouse and Marvel. On its own, it doesn't sound like it's worth breaking out your best vodka. But when you look at the details, you'll either end up drooling with a raging boner or you'll be pissed off to no end that nobody did this sooner.

Here are the basics. This story takes place within the framework of the Avengers movies. It appears to take place either before Avengers or it could take place after. It has the Sam Jackson version of Nick Fury, Black Widow, and Hawkeye. It also has James Rhodes, aka War Machine. It even has a guest star in the Punisher, a guy who hasn't been relevant in the Marvel movies since Tom Jane failed miserably at making a decent Punisher movie and ended up doing a show about being a male prostitute. That's a lot of fucking star power from the outset. But it doesn't rely on star power alone.

Although with anyone looking like Sam Jackson, it probably could.
The story is well thought out. It introduces a new, very anime-ish version of Technovore. It isn't just some hulking monster that eats technology that probably came from Bill Gates's worst nightmare that didn't involve watching Steve Jobs bang his wife. It's actually a creature born from events that began in the first Iron Man movie.

Say what you want about Obidiah Stane and Iron Monger. Yes, he was a somewhat shitty villain for the first movie, but he served his purpose well. But we find out in this movie that he left behind a son that he treated like shit. And like so many others kids with daddy issues, he decides he's going to scheme ways to fuck over the world for denying him a decent childhood. But unlike most kids with daddy issues, he actually has a way to do that. That way is Technovore.

It's not just Iron Man versus some evil twisted kid. This is anime. Unlike us drunken westerners, the Japanese actually put some effort into telling a deeper story. I know that sounds strange to us Americans. It's like not putting steak sauce on our steak. But it actually works better at establishing a sense of drama and emotion that you won't see on any of the Saturday morning cartoons we're all used to. I'm not saying there isn't a place for a more basic kind of animated entertainment. I'm just saying it's nice to have an outlet that actually feels like it's meant for people with hair on their chest and/or vagina.

The story has plenty of gripping moments, like War Machine being seriously injured and Iron Man having to reason with an obviously disturbed kid. But one other thing anime loves to do is throw in violent action that can be pretty gruesome, even when it doesn't involve tentacle rape. When shit starts blowing up here in this feature, people actually die. Blood is actually shed. It's not like that watered down shit you see on the action cartoons aired on Disney XD. This is visceral shit and it feels so good.

Not only is the violence more detailed, but the style of animation is more refined. There's greater depth to each image. It's an anime made for adults. That means the characters talk like adults and the cleavage of the women isn't obscured like some Iranian censorship plot. Pepper Potts is in a bikini at one point and looks absolutely bonerific. And Black Widow in anime form looks every bit as hot as Scarlett Johanssen. I've always said that cartoons need more boobs. It sucks that we have to rely on the Japanese to give it to us in our cartoons, but it doesn't make the boners any less satisfying.

You'll NEVER see a shot like this on the Disney Channel.
That's not to say that the story is without flaws. Probably the most glaring flaw (and possibly the only flaw) of Iron Man: Rise of Technovore is the pace of the story. It feels rushed and underdeveloped at times. After the first attack by Technovore, SHIELD spends most of the movie just hunting down Tony Stark. He wasn't behind it. They don't even accuse him of being involved. But for some reason Nick Fury thinks it's necessary to treat Iron Man like a criminal. It makes no god damn sense and it really never feels right. While it does make for some great action scenes and nice boob shots for Black Widow, it lacks the refinement that would otherwise make this story truly awesome.

Even with this flaw, Iron Man: Rise of Technovore is an amazing achievement. It is a neat little package that perfectly demonstrates how anime and Marvel can work. It tells a great story, has some awesome animation, and captures the same energy that made the Avengers movie a historic achievement in awesome. If I had to score this like I would a comic, I would give it a 4.5 out of 5. Even if you don't like cartoons and only watch the movies because the comics are too damn confusing, you'll find a lot to love about this. When you finish watching it, you'll have the urge to visit Marvel's main office, slap the first person you see across the face, and yell, "What the fuck are you waiting for?! Make more Marvel anime!" That's perfectly normal. Nuff said!

4 comments:

  1. What the hell are you talking about? "This movie possibly only has 1 flaw" are you serious? Are you serious.
    punisher attempts murder and is wanted for several murders and never gets arrested after aiding the vigilante iron man and attempting murder on two special shield agents who dont like him in the first place, yet nothing is done about this.

    iron man knows this kid can destroy the world yet doesnt kill him and brings HIM ONTO THE SHIELD BASE. WHAT?! WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD U HAVE. NONE IS EVER GIVEN.
    He built a password into a satelite that only pepper saying one specific word on cue could unlock to prevent hackers at a moments notice. What? WHY? WHY WOULDNT YOU JUST USE A PASSWORD YOURSELF COULD ACTIVATE? THAT IS SO CONVOLUTED BUT as we're about to find out much of this movie is insanely convoluted and makes no damn sense.

    technovore doesnt kill black widow or hackeye after attacking them and "tucking them away" which that is never shown, even after they try to kill him and even after he kills HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE ON SCREEN yet doesnt kill them because...main characters?

    iron man blames himself for rodeys death "i didnt need his help i shouldnt have asked him to come" you didnt, you told him to fight the other guy and he did. then he came to help and u said no dont. no stay back. so that line is completely stupid because it literally didnt even happen.

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  2. You said this movie is visceral. no. no actual blood is shown ever. deaths are barely shown, with no graphicness at all. no body parts that belong to humans are ever shown to be severed, and the most up close death scenes we see are machines blowing up. You call this brutal? savage? come on. this is childish. The fact that YOU called this movie Gorey is actually making me think you only posted this because you were paid to support the movie because most of your review is blatant lies.

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  3. This movie has epic Star Power? What? norman reedus? Ok. Sure. for his..3 minutes of screentime..yeah epic star power. Widow looks nothing like johanson. and its honestly one of the worst widow looks ive ever seen but its passable. hawkeye was perfect but jeremy remmner plays a darker hawkeye and this was definitely the lighter hawkeye so idk why you are comparing this movie to the stars of the movies you cash grab promoting asshole. You are right about sam jacksons nick fury tho. it definitely looks like him and it was definitely intentional, so you are right about that. although it doesnt take a genius to notice that. literally everyone noticed that bro. Even the playboy billionaire line is from the movie. i mean they arent hiding it dude. and you're not a genius for noticing. but i digress.

    iron man is blasted through the heart with a high powered particle canon hundreds of times more powerful than his unibeam, and it destroys technovore. yet, he is unharmed. he has no blood. he has no scars. and he isnt dead. WHY ISNT HE DEAD? HE WAS SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. and Rodey was with a face full of shrapnel, in a coma, nearly dead, and 2 minutes later he's fighting technovore, unscathed in the war machin suit. now obviously we assume it was technovore who healed rodes. but TONY should not get the same ex machina because he was never infected by technovore god damnit.

    Tony Stark seems to gain power for no reason at all. its never shown him connecting his suit to absorb power from anything. but apparently he went from 14% to 100% in 3 seconds flat by absorbing charge from punishers car. bullshit. there's no way a car has that much power in its battery, otherwise what makes your arc reactor so special if a fucking car batter can charge it to 100% in seconds? means your reactor is shit and this movie is shit for making such a stupid mistake. JUST SAY HE BROUGHT A SPARE ARC REACTOR. THATS BETTER THAN GIVING HIM MAGICAL SUPERMAN SOLAR POWERED POWERS. and dont tell me his suit absorbs sun light as a power source because later we see him get 14% power from 0% on the shield helicarrier. no sunlight there and it was night time. So fuck this movie.

    and you said something about this movie being deep and gripping. bro. no. they referenced iron man 1. barely. nothing that happened in that movie matterd in this one. son of bad guy comes back for revenge. blah blah blah thats not interesting and he even states he isnt doing it for his father. so you're wrong on that point completely.

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  4. honestly this movie was just a cheap cash grab. There are more flaws but im tired of writing this and you're just gunna delete my comment anyway but know this:

    This movie could have been good. The voice acting was excellent. The animation was excellent. They should not have censored it. They should've allowed blood to be shown. The action was ok. The villain was awesome (but they acted like he was deep and fleshed out but rly he wasnt at all. he just read from a smart person book to make him seem intelligent but honestly nothing he ever did showed any form of intelligence and his defeat is barely explained but we know technovores over came him and possesed him but its barely explained prior to his monster form showing up.)

    And the final thing that would've made this movie awesome, is taking away the stupid lines that made no sense. take away scenes that are flat out lies. make the fucking movie make sense. dont show technovore about to attack widow then skip the scene and both are unharmed in the next scene. the fuck was the point. scenes like that are just stupid and pointless to waste money and time animating. take out scenes that are hypocritical "Technology is leading human kind down the path to its own destruction" later in the movie "I will give mankind new technology to make it a better place" What the fuck is technology evil or not you fucking idiot. Shit like that needs to be retconned. this movie COULD HAVE been amazing but there were so many shits that made no sense like tony stark not dying to a particle canon through the heart. also having shield attack tony the entire movie was a pointless waste of time to make the movie longer than it needed to be. honestly they were just doing that to put punisher in. but it was a stupid part and added nothing to the story.

    sigh what a movie with amazing potential, ended up being total shit because the writer had no idea what he was doing. sigh..

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