Iron Man: Rise of Technovore - Marve + Anime = Awesome

Some things just go together perfectly. Peanut butter and jelly. Chicken wings and beer. Fake boobs and porn stars. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Some of these combinations are obvious to anyone who ever smoked too much weed and got the munchies or skilled enough to use internet porn. But a combination like Marvel and anime? That's one of those combinations that doesn't immediately come to mind. But when you think about it you're like, "Holy fuck! Why didn't I think of that?! I'm either smoking too much weed or not smoking enough!"

That was the feeling I got after watching Iron Man: Rise of Technovore. This neatly packaged little direct-to-Blu-Ray feature really didn't generate much fanfare. It didn't have Rorbert Downey Jr. and Gweneth Paltrow whoring themselves to the Hollywood elites at the behest of studio heads in need of more cocaine money. It was just a simple anime feature, courtesy of an ongoing partnership between Madhouse and Marvel. On its own, it doesn't sound like it's worth breaking out your best vodka. But when you look at the details, you'll either end up drooling with a raging boner or you'll be pissed off to no end that nobody did this sooner.

Here are the basics. This story takes place within the framework of the Avengers movies. It appears to take place either before Avengers or it could take place after. It has the Sam Jackson version of Nick Fury, Black Widow, and Hawkeye. It also has James Rhodes, aka War Machine. It even has a guest star in the Punisher, a guy who hasn't been relevant in the Marvel movies since Tom Jane failed miserably at making a decent Punisher movie and ended up doing a show about being a male prostitute. That's a lot of fucking star power from the outset. But it doesn't rely on star power alone.

Although with anyone looking like Sam Jackson, it probably could.

The story is well thought out. It introduces a new, very anime-ish version of Technovore. It isn't just some hulking monster that eats technology that probably came from Bill Gates's worst nightmare that didn't involve watching Steve Jobs bang his wife. It's actually a creature born from events that began in the first Iron Man movie.

Say what you want about Obidiah Stane and Iron Monger. Yes, he was a somewhat shitty villain for the first movie, but he served his purpose well. But we find out in this movie that he left behind a son that he treated like shit. And like so many others kids with daddy issues, he decides he's going to scheme ways to fuck over the world for denying him a decent childhood. But unlike most kids with daddy issues, he actually has a way to do that. That way is Technovore.

It's not just Iron Man versus some evil twisted kid. This is anime. Unlike us drunken westerners, the Japanese actually put some effort into telling a deeper story. I know that sounds strange to us Americans. It's like not putting steak sauce on our steak. But it actually works better at establishing a sense of drama and emotion that you won't see on any of the Saturday morning cartoons we're all used to. I'm not saying there isn't a place for a more basic kind of animated entertainment. I'm just saying it's nice to have an outlet that actually feels like it's meant for people with hair on their chest and/or vagina.

The story has plenty of gripping moments, like War Machine being seriously injured and Iron Man having to reason with an obviously disturbed kid. But one other thing anime loves to do is throw in violent action that can be pretty gruesome, even when it doesn't involve tentacle rape. When shit starts blowing up here in this feature, people actually die. Blood is actually shed. It's not like that watered down shit you see on the action cartoons aired on Disney XD. This is visceral shit and it feels so good.

Not only is the violence more detailed, but the style of animation is more refined. There's greater depth to each image. It's an anime made for adults. That means the characters talk like adults and the cleavage of the women isn't obscured like some Iranian censorship plot. Pepper Potts is in a bikini at one point and looks absolutely bonerific. And Black Widow in anime form looks every bit as hot as Scarlett Johanssen. I've always said that cartoons need more boobs. It sucks that we have to rely on the Japanese to give it to us in our cartoons, but it doesn't make the boners any less satisfying.

You'll NEVER see a shot like this on the Disney Channel.

That's not to say that the story is without flaws. Probably the most glaring flaw (and possibly the only flaw) of Iron Man: Rise of Technovore is the pace of the story. It feels rushed and underdeveloped at times. After the first attack by Technovore, SHIELD spends most of the movie just hunting down Tony Stark. He wasn't behind it. They don't even accuse him of being involved. But for some reason Nick Fury thinks it's necessary to treat Iron Man like a criminal. It makes no god damn sense and it really never feels right. While it does make for some great action scenes and nice boob shots for Black Widow, it lacks the refinement that would otherwise make this story truly awesome.

Even with this flaw, Iron Man: Rise of Technovore is an amazing achievement. It is a neat little package that perfectly demonstrates how anime and Marvel can work. It tells a great story, has some awesome animation, and captures the same energy that made the Avengers movie a historic achievement in awesome. If I had to score this like I would a comic, I would give it a 4.5 out of 5. Even if you don't like cartoons and only watch the movies because the comics are too damn confusing, you'll find a lot to love about this. When you finish watching it, you'll have the urge to visit Marvel's main office, slap the first person you see across the face, and yell, "What the fuck are you waiting for?! Make more Marvel anime!" That's perfectly normal. Nuff said!

Animation Abomination - Ultimate Spider-Man

A few months ago I did a post on the future of Marvel animation and based on my drunken assessment, I deemed the future awesome. Well much like the stock market, those futures crashed and burned harder than Vanilla Ice's rap career. In the time since the debut of Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heroes Season 2 and the debut of the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon, shit has not only hit the fan. It's clogged the intake of a jumbo jet and spewed diarrhea all over every time zone in the Western Hemisphere.

I've avoided talking about it because it often leads me to go on benders that result in me waking up in another state naked with an empty bottle of whiskey shoved up my ass, but there's no use avoiding it now. Ultimate Spider-Man sucks dinosaur dick. It's the kind of show that even a mental patient off their meds would watch and say "What the fuck is this shit and why the fuck haven't the elves smashed the TV yet?" I won't go over all the ways as to why it sucks. Not because I don't have the energy but because so many people have already done the work for me. The fine folks at Comic Book Movie have already compiled some angry comments regarding how fucked this show is. But at the risk of just too much copying and pasting, I found a video from the fine folks at Bleeding Cool that offers a much more sober assessment than I could ever manage.



Is it harsh? I say fuck no. These are the people that Marvel actually wants to watch this shit and they're not satisfied. Now I flunked economics, but even I know that when your customers aren't happy that usually means you're doing something wrong. Apple fired Steve Jobs back in the 80s. Their company sucked for over a decade. And if it took Apple that long to figure out what they did wrong, what hope do we have for Ultimate Spider-Man?

The look on Peter Parker's face from seeing his own show is the same look a child gets when they walk in on their grandparents fucking.

I think most would have been okay with Ultimate Spider-Man being horrible. At least we still have Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heros, right? Right?! Well bend me over, shave my ass, and fry an egg on both my butt cheeks because Marvel has decided to cancel that shit. That's right. A show that scores a pretty impressive 8.2 on Metacritic is being canned in favor of the bastard love child of Family Guy and Spectacular Spider-Man. Instead, they prefer that the Avengers line up with the same 4th wall breaking, immature, plot-free bullshit that dominates the Ultimate Spider-Man universe. That shit may fly in Bizarro world, but in this cozy little place we call reality that's more fucked than Bankok whore on coupon day.

Naturally, fans aren't responding well to this news. In the past they really didn't have many options for venting their frustrations aside from writing strongly worded letters that Marvel or Disney probably used to roll joints with. Well this is the era of social media, motherfucker! That means fans have options and they know how to use them. So much so that the head of Marvel's TV division, Jeph Loeb, had to close his Facebook page because too many people were giving him the finger and then some. I imagine he already had his share of detractors after he flat out butchered the Ultimate universe, but when you fuck with cartoons then that's just going too far I guess.

Jeph Loeb. Will butcher your favorite comic characters and do it with a smile.

Yet in many ways, this is the ultimate act of cowardice. See no criticism. Hear no criticism. Accept no criticism. That appears to be Marvel's motto now. When the fans get upset, just ignore them and shrug your shoulders. I mean you can't please everybody, right? Well that's true, but that shit becomes a lousy excuse when you're getting the kind of crap that Ultimate Spider-Man is getting. Now I'm sure there were some assholes on that crossed lines that even I wouldn't cross on my worst benders. Comments about his son, who died tragically, are way over the line. But anyone who is in a position of power like Jeph Loeb has to understand that they are going to face asshole like that. They have a responsibility to go run and hide from criticism when the response isn't all hookers and cake. Great power and great responsibility...sound familiar? Those comments that cross the line can be flagged and deleted. But deleting the whole page is like fixing a TV with a few dead pixels with a sledge hammer. It causes more damage than necessary and generally sends the message to the fans that you don't give a shit about their sentiment. That may be okay when you're the only game in town, but when you have competition like DC's animation block with Green Lantern and Young Justice (two cartoons that are awesome by the way) then that's a problem.

It takes a special kind of arrogance to ignore fan outrage. It takes even more arrogance to pretty much toss it aside and continue this shit that really isn't jiving with the fans. Rumors that haven't been confirmed have already hinted that Marvel doesn't give a shit about the negative response from Ultimate Spider-Man. They're not only going to continue this shitty style of animation. They're going to use it in future cartoons like a new Avengers cartoon and a new Hulk cartoon. Albert Einstein himself said that the definition of insanity is doing the same shit again and again and expecting a different result. Marvel can justify all the shit they want, but they are NOT smarter than Einstein.

In the end, it all comes down to power and responsibility. Guys like me are just fans. We have zero power over how Marvel uses these characters we love so much. If we don't like it, we can't do anything aside from get drunk until Marvel does something different. Guys like Joe Quesada and Jeph Loeb have serious power over these characters. They have the licenses to do whatever the fuck they want with them. They can make Captain America a Nazi, they can make Spider-Man gay, and they can give Emma Frost a sex change. That is their right under the law. That right includes making a shitty cartoon that clearly isn't going over well with fans. But fans don't have the power to change this shit. Marvel has that power and like the shitty show says, with great power comes great responsibility. And as it stands, Marvel and everyone in their animation division is being pretty fucking irresponsible. That doesn't just make them assholes on a cosmic scale. That makes them hypocrites. We can deal with assholes. Hell, some of them get their own reality shows. But we can't deal with hypocrites. They are as close to real life super-villains as it gets and if Marvel doesn't understand this then they might as well send DC all their blow and hookers because it's game over. When the company that coined the phrase "With great power comes great responsibility" starts acting irresponsible, then shit has gone horribly wrong.

Ultimate Spider-Man and Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heroes - First Impressions

For times in the year when there's no football on Sunday's, I consider that akin to going into a strip club where the girls don't wear thongs. You just can't have one without the other and still have it be awesome. I try to fill the void, but there's only so much blow I can snort. Thankfully, I'm not too brain damaged to get no pleasure out of watching cartoons. Sometimes I don't even need weed to enjoy them. It's true. I do watch cartoons and I'm damn proud of it! Marvel cartoons have always been near and dear to my heart. I still remember the golden years of the 90s when the Soviet Union fell, ecstasy was still readily available, and Marvel was pumping out awesome shit with the Spider-Man and X-men cartoon. Since then, we elected Bush twice and shit's been pretty inconsistent. There have been a few gems like Wolverine and the X-men and X-men Evolution. Other than that, DC has been kicking Marvel's ass with Justice League, The Batman, and most recently Young Justice. I've been waiting eagerly with my best weed at hand for Marvel to finally churn out some quality toons. They finally delivered last year with the premier of Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heroes. But that was in the same mold as the X-men cartoons in that they were limited, singular, and potentially forgettable. What made the 90s so awesome was that it was an entire fucking universe. One show just isn't enough. Avengers needed a complementary show to feel complete. That's where Ultimate Spider-Man comes in. And no, I'm not talking about that shitty comic with Miles fucking Morales. I'm talking about a real fucking cartoon with Peter fucking Parker behind the mask and Stan fucking Lee doing guest shots. That's a lot of fucking awesome and it's taken a long ass time to get here, but it's finally here and I can offer my drunken assessment!

Stan "the fucking Man" Lee. Nuff said!

Ultimate Spider-Man debuted on Sunday, April Fools Day, and it was no fucking joke...at first. It was part of Disney's new animation block. They spent many a coin purchasing Marvel. Now they're ready to start mixing and matching the same way Snooki does with various body fluids. Only with Ultimate Spider-Man, the resulting offspring isn't the potential anti-Christ. The show takes various elements of the comics and mashes them together in hopes of creating the ultimate Spider-Man experience. It's not like Spectacular, a show based more on the shitty premise that everyone has fucking huge pupils and lawyers prevent any other Marvel properties from showing up. The very first scene of Ultimate Spider-Man shows that this Spider-Man is part of a bigger Marvel Universe. After taking down Trapster (and making a big fucking mess in the process), Spidy is confronted by Nick Fury (the Sam Jackson type and not the David Hasselhoff type) and is told he's a punk renegade who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. And you know what? He's right. This show begins with Peter having been Spider-Man for a whole year and he's still making a mess every time he takes down a bad guy. So Fury offers to train him to be the "Ultimate" Spider-Man. Doesn't that just fit as perfectly as a bag of weed in Snoop Dogg's couch cushion?

Look at the mess you made! Russian rock bands are cleaner than you!

The first two episodes are really sort of an initiation for Peter Parker. One year in and his inexperience finally catches up with him. He has to contend with villains who tracked him to where he goes to school and assholes like Norman Osborne who are intent on copyrighting his powers and making it into a private army for neo-conservatives. Can you think of anything more evil? So Nick Fury doesn't just set him up with SHIELD training and some kick-ass gadgets that include a fucking motorcycle. He also puts him on a team of other young heroes that include White Tiger, Nova, Power Man (Luke Cage), and Iron Fist. All are also teenage heroes and Fury seems to think that Peter can lead them. Because putting a kid who knows the value of responsibility in charge of teenagers who are inherently responsible makes as much sense in the Marvel universe as it does any.

It's a great premise and one that opens the door to so many possibilities. This isn't that lame ass Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends crap. This is Peter Parker being thrust into a role he hasn't been in for pretty much every other cartoon. That, and his pupils are normal sized. Sorry Spectacular Spider-Man fans, but I just can't reinforce that point enough. It isn't just him that's taking on a larger role. Other Marvel characters like Nick Fury and Agent Coulson (yes, that Agent Coulson) play a part.

Agent Coulson. So awesome he needs to be real AND animated.

Ultimate Spider-Man's debut was pretty awesome...to a point. There was one aspect of the new cartoon that kept it from being the kind of cartoon that blow testicles out of scrotums. It has to do with the shitty 4th wall breaking gimmick that is done throughout the show. It's not like in past Spider-Man cartoons where Peter has all these internal monologues or narrates. This is Family Guy style 4th wall breaking that's twisted, incoherent, and is about as funny as pissing on a dumpster. It takes away from the more serious themes of the show. I get that it's a kids show, but so are all the Spider-Man cartoons and they didn't need this 4th wall breaking shit to be funny. They actually told decent jokes and memorable stories. I'm sorry, but random flashbacks to a Mexcian hat wearing Spider-Man just makes this shit too hard to take seriously. And this comes from a guy who can get stoned and laugh at C-SPAN.

Now I get what Marvel is trying to do. They want Ultimate Spider-Man to be light-hearted and funny. But this 4th wall breaking shit is just distracting. It makes for a great episode of Family Guy where plots can revolve entirely around fat men fighting giant chickens. For a show about great power and great responsibility, it really doesn't work quite as well. It's better than Spectacular, but it shoots itself in the foot for trying too hard to be funny. Ask Andy Dick how that's working out and then tell me that shit's a good idea.

This isn't even funny in Mexico.

In addition to Ultimate Spider-Man, the new season of Avengers Earth Mightiest heroes debuted. Now this is a cartoon that was already established and didn't need any 4th wall breaking bullshit to be awesome. It's a show that already set a high standard of awesome last year and now that it has some Marvel competition, it has to step up it's game. And like Paris Hilton at a dick sucking contest, it succeeds!

The second season of Avengers sets up shortly after the events of the last season. The Avengers saved the world, thwarted Loki, and earned the right to claim their dicks are bigger than everyone else's. However, the last scene ended on a cliffhanger of sorts. The Skrulls showed up and hinted at the beginnings of a Secret Invasion style infiltration. Well the first episode doesn't really get into that...at first. It starts by exploring the larger corners of the Marvel animated universe by bringing the Fantastic Four into the mix. And for once it's not for an elaborate mission to save the world. It's for a simple game of poker.

If only they had invited Black Widow and Emma Frost to play strip poker. Maybe for Season 3?

It quickly becomes a typical super-hero mash-up when Dr. Doom decides to launch a simultaneous attack on the Avengers mansion and the Baxter Building. Why? He's fucking Dr. Doom! He doesn't need a reason. He manages to abduct Wasp and Sue Storm, forcing the Avengers and the Fantastic Four to venture to Castle Doom to rescue them. It ends up being a one-sided battle with Doom beating their asses with the kind of ease reserved for Peyton Manning when he plays the Cleveland Browns. He could have easily killed them all, but he doesn't. Why? Well remember that whole Skrull issue? Well it turns out he abducted Sue and Wasp to check and see if they were Skrulls. Was he right? For once, I'm not drunk enough to spill the details! See for yourself! The show really is that awesome.

So in the end, Avengers still maintains the high bar of awesome. Despite all the hype surrounding Ultimate Spider-Man, it still falls short because it insists on being cooky with the 4th wall breaking rather than focus on actually telling awesome stories. Even so, the two shows make for the kind of awesome Marvel animation block that we haven't seen since Clinton was getting blowjobs by cute interns. This is just what Sundays need to not be boring again until football season starts up! For that, Marvel has my gratitude and even more of my money! Thank you, Marvel! I owe all you guys a round of drinks, but I have to warn you. I know a guy who mixes a drink called the Ultimate (Liver) Nullifier. Not for the faint of heart!

Dr. Doom says your Sunday mornings belong to Marvel!

The State of the (Marvel Animated) Union

I have a long list of fond memories as a kid. By fond I mean some make me want to steal Doc Brown's time machine and get the hell out of this apocalyptic time bomb and some make me want to kille very last brain cell in my head with a blow torch. Among the nicer memories of my childhood are cartoons. I'm not talking about those pansy ass talking animal cartoons either. I'm talking about the golden age of superhero cartoons.

It was the 90s. Apple was a laughingstock, the Cold War was over, Bill Clinton was nailing secretaries in addition to fueling a historic economic boom, and Marvel and DC were making some damn fine cartoons. The big three were Batman the Animated Series, X-men: The Animated Series, and Spider-Man: The Animated Series. They were groundbreaking for their time, telling the kind of stories that weren't campy and corny. There wasn't Bat shark repellant or Wolverine lecuring on the importance of reading or Spider-Man teaching kids that it's a bad idea to make deals with the devil (okay, bad example). They were mature stories that closely followed the comics while making plenty of tweaks along the way (like NOT killing Jean Grey in the Phoenix Saga and NOT killing Gwen Stacy). They set the gold standard by which all future comic book cartoons would be judged. They lasted years and left many such as myself with fond memories, but since then it's been an endless search for a successor.

In the years since these cartoons ended, Marvel and DC have tried a number of new cartoons. Some were pretty damn good like The Batman and X-men Evolution, but they were far outweighed by the sheer fecal tsunami unleased by others such as the infamous Avengers cartoon that didn't have Iron Man, Thor, or Captain America or a shitty Spider-Man series on MTV. Even promising series like Wolverine and the X-men were aborted before they could make their mark. It's tragic in a way that makes Rick Santorum want to throw up.

But in recent times, Marvel and DC are making an effort to make better cartoons again. This time Marvel has an ace up their sleve. It comes in the form of a mouse with big ears and deep pockets. I'm talking about Disney if you're that ignorant about cartoons and because of Disney, Marvel has a media titan that they can utilize without having to perform oral sex on lawers for affiliated channels like Fox Kids or Nicktoons. It has already created an admirable series with Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Now Marvel is finally looking to expand with a new series, Ultimate Spider-Man.

For the first time since the heydey of the Fox series, two Marvel cartoons get to share the same channel and possibly the same universe for a new Marvel world. Now no one from Marvel has come out and said that Avengers and Ultimate Spider-Man are in the same world, but they would have to be functionally retarded if the thought of cross-promotion and synergy in this era of "Avengers vs. X-men" crossovers didn't cross their mind. It's an exciting prospect, but how much awesome can we hope for?

I admit I'm very cynical about Spider-Man cartoons. Spectacular Spider-Man was a disappointing buchery of the series and it didn't help that every character had eyes that made them look like they had Down Syndrome. And the less said about the MTV series, the better. But Ultimate Spider-Man promises to be different. For one, it's not going to be restricted to characters strictly from the Spider-Man universe. That means Kingpin can actually show up after being benched due to lawyers bitch-slapping one another over the liscening for Spectacular Spider-Man. It also means other heroes like Iron Fist, Nova, and White Tiger can show up and they've never shown up in any cartoon before. It even means Agent Coulson, everyone's favorite SHIELD agent from the Avengers movies, is showing up as well. It's like trying to get the attention of fans by piling on different kinds of explosives on top of a barrel of TNT. It may be overkill, but I'm all for it!

More importantly, however, Ultimate Spider-Man will utilize a similar quality of animation set by Avengers. That means no Down Syndrome eyes and no bland colors that look like they've been air brushed by underpaid Korean kids in a sweatshop. It's definitely an upgrade when you go from the kind of googly eyed, poorly colored crap like this:

Help Spider-Man! My pupils have been stolen!

And get something like this:



Pupils. I got em, bitches!

 What a difference several failed series make, eh? Okay, maybe I'm making a big deal about eyes. But I've always pointed out that the little things are what sets apart the mediocre from the awesome. If someone is willing to make the extra effort to make sure these characters look awesome in animation, then that says to me as a customer that the people I trust to handle these characters give enough of a damn to make everything else awesome. That's a powerful message, even to a drunk.

Now Ultimate Spider-Man may look awesome, but can it deliever? Well, that remains to be scene. Looking pretty doesn't mean shit if the story you convey is complete shit. The clips offered by Spinoff and USA Today show promise, but they also show a different tone. This show doesn't seem to have the same serious undertones as Avengers EMH. It's about a high school kid, that I get. But crap like breaking the 4th wall and little anime moments that don't involve women's panties is pushing it. So I'm not going to come out and say that I'm certain that this cartoon will be awesome, but for the first time since Monica Lewinsky was learning new ways to use cigars, I'm optimistic.

But what about other Marvel properties? What about X-men? Marvel had some damn good shit going with Wolverine and the X-men, but someone decided that shit wasn't worth financing and it was cut. From Nicktoons of all place. I mean really? A show that looked good, told a great story, and ended on a cliff-hanger wasn't good enough? I call bullshit on a stick, but seeing as how Marvel seems to be building up a more cohesive animated world it may only be a matter of time before others like the X-men, Daredevil, or the Fantastic Four show up. Wolverine already showed up in Avengers EMH so Marvel just needs the time and balls to do it. They would be idiots as well as assholes if they didn't at least consider it.

So things look good for Marvel, but what about DC? Well aside from their awesome Direct-to-DVD movie releases like Justice League Doom, they don't have much in the form of animated potential. Their last big world was Justice League Unlimited, but that show ended when Bush was still in office. They have shows like Young Justice, but that's not nearly as extensive as Justice Leage Unlimited and on Cartoon Network it seems limited by what it can do and still be on the same level as an Ed, Edd, n' Eddy rerun. The only other mature option DC has going at the moment is a new Green Lantern series. Given how popular Green Lantern has become over the past few years (Ryan Reynolds not withstanding), it's understandable. But so far, it's appeal hasn't been all that great. Going back to animation, this thing looks like a pre-rendered screen test from Justice League. Hell, it's a huge downgrade compared to Young Justice.


The best CGI from 1997.

 I'm sorry, but I just can't get too excited when it looks like DC is getting cheap on me. I'm still willing to give it a chance, but come on DC! Marvel is making a big animation push with their new sugar daddies in Disney. At least try to show that you care about matching their awesome. You're the guys who made Batman and Justice League. You have no excuse.

So in conclusion to this drunken rant, what's the overall state of the animated union? Well, I think it's safe to say it's strong on Marvel's end. They're setting up a brand new world with Disney that has the potential to do in 2012 what they did in the 90s. They still have to put in the necessary work to make it awesome, but they have all the tools they need to make it happen. DC is in another boat. They seem a little lost in terms of matching the scale Marvel is utilizing. They still have potential with cartoons like Young Justice, but for the moment they're tripping over their own feet while Marvel is running full speed towards the peak of Mt. Awesome. It's a great time to be a comic fan and a couch potatoe. Since TV shows are being canceled and/or ended left and right and there's no football on for another four months, we need something to fill the void and there's only so much booze can do. Nuff said!

X-men the Animated Series - Complete and Awesome

This past week the final volume of the X-men Animated Series was released and a nearly 15 year wait was finally ended. For many, the 90s are nostalgia. It was a time when the Cold War was over, grunge rock was in, and the most pressing political scandal involved a blow job and a cigar. However, it's easy to forget that some of the greatest awesome in the history of comics stemmed from this time. It was an era where Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, and X-men all had their own animated series that weren't just well-received by both critics and fans alike. They serve as a benchmark for how all future animated series are gauged.

The X-men animated series ranks in the top echelon of these landmark series. It lasted from 1992 to 1997 and covered some of the most famous stories in the history of X-men. For many, this is what brought Generation X into comics and it couldn't have been a better source. The X-men Animated series didn't play with any radical themes. It literally lifted stories right from the comics, sometimes with virtually no alterations. Stories like Days of Futures Past, the Phoenix Saga, and Apocalypse were all incorporated and integrated in a unique and powerful way that still resonates with comic fans today.


With these DVDs, the generation that saturates itself in Ipods and youtube can connect with the generation that still used CDs and thought blogging was an unpleasant side effect of drinking two shots of tequila with a touch of bourbon. It takes some characters that some modern readers might not be as familiar with like Jubilee, Jean Grey, and a sassier super-powered Rogue. It's a good thing too because as much fun as Emma Frost, X-23, or whoever dares to try and top Rogue's awesomeness can be, there's no substitute for the characters that set the standard. Jubilee embodies that uncertain teenage angst that comes along with being a mutant while Jean Grey is that passionate, heartfelt core that is the emotional rock for so many. Cyclops is still Cyclops and Wolverine is still Wolverine, but the way the team interacts really embodies the true awesomeness of X-men.


In some ways the series actually one-ups the comics. In the Animated Series the Phoenix Saga didn't end so tragically. Jean Grey did die, but she didn't stay dead nearly as long and Cyclops didn't run off to marry a clone. Many comic fans have been giving Cyclops shit about this for decades, but in the animated series he makes no such moves. Jean comes back and they beat the Dark Phoenix without Jean having to die. So that means nobody can say shit about Cyclops and Jean Grey getting married because there's no Madelyn excuse to throw around.

Add to this the extra action of Days of Futures Past and you've got a great story being made even greater. There's no mere thoughts traversing time in this series. Cable and Bishop routinely venture into the past and actually blow shit up without having to get someone else to do it. They clash here just as they clash in the comics, looking pretty badass while they're at it. Then there are the villains. Oh mercy the villains. Any series that has Apocalypse, Sinister, Dark Phoenix, Magneto, the Friends of Humanity, and Weapon X in the same continuity can't avoid being awesome. The level of awesome is so bright that every future attempt will be eclipsed at least in part by the sheer intensity that this series radiates.


Now some may look at this era and scoff. They may say this is a time when Cyclops was still an uptight drone of Xavier and Jean Grey was just some boring and bland proto-Emma and Wolverine was still a memory challenged thug. Well when put in front of the comics of today, the same awesomeness applies. Cyclops is anything but uptight in a number of episodes. He goes solo on several occasions and stands up to Sinister and Mastermind on his own. Jean Grey also shows her share of backbone, especially when she takes on the Phoenix and defends her cooking against Gambit's. As for Wolverine, he's the man of mystery again. In the modern comics people are used to him just being a badass, but without the mystery badassery like his is a dime a dozen. Also, Storm wasn't forcibly married off to the Black Panther. How many would surrender their left testicle to see that bullshit undone?

So much of what made these characters great is captured in the old animated series. In many ways this is the standard for which Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Rogue, Storm, Gambit, Wolverine, Xavier, Jubilee, Sinister, Magneto, Apocalypse, and pretty much every other character this series covered should be gauged by. The later series like X-men Evolution and Wolverine and the X-men were good, but they still lived in the shadow of this series and any future show will do the same. Also, neither show lasted nearly as long as this one. It went for 5 seasons and 76 episodes. In terms of quality and quantity, the X-men Animated series bitch slaps all the competition and then dances over it's dead body.


Now there are some shortcomings of this series. Characters like Kitty Pryde are omitted and Iceman is only in a single episode. Also, the animation is pretty antiquated by today's standards. Most of the cartoons on the Disney channel now out-tech what this and every other 90s series ever did. But any fan would have to actually cherry pick to find flaws like this. There is simply no way to escape the awesome of the animated series. Marvel can try all they want to move the comics away from what they were during this era. They'll never escape it because this was a series an entire generation associated with the X-men. Now that the DVDs are out, a new generation will follow in their wake.

This series is also a personal issue for me because it was this series that got me into X-men. I knew after seeing this and the Spider-Man series that I would be a Marvel fan for life and I have. Other fads may come and go and other passions may find their way into my life, but none will ever overshadow the impact left by these incredible cartoons. I am forever indebted to the shining brilliance of this series and on the day I leave this world, I would want the ashes of these DVDs mixed with mine so I can forever connect with such awesome.

There will always be new cartoons for the future. There will always be no innovation in the characters. But the X-men Animated Series will always out-awesome them on some level. They are timeless in their greatness. They deserve more credit then they will ever get and should have a place in the collection of every X-fan of every generation. Nuff said.