Iron Man: Rise of Technovore - Marve + Anime = Awesome

Some things just go together perfectly. Peanut butter and jelly. Chicken wings and beer. Fake boobs and porn stars. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Some of these combinations are obvious to anyone who ever smoked too much weed and got the munchies or skilled enough to use internet porn. But a combination like Marvel and anime? That's one of those combinations that doesn't immediately come to mind. But when you think about it you're like, "Holy fuck! Why didn't I think of that?! I'm either smoking too much weed or not smoking enough!"

That was the feeling I got after watching Iron Man: Rise of Technovore. This neatly packaged little direct-to-Blu-Ray feature really didn't generate much fanfare. It didn't have Rorbert Downey Jr. and Gweneth Paltrow whoring themselves to the Hollywood elites at the behest of studio heads in need of more cocaine money. It was just a simple anime feature, courtesy of an ongoing partnership between Madhouse and Marvel. On its own, it doesn't sound like it's worth breaking out your best vodka. But when you look at the details, you'll either end up drooling with a raging boner or you'll be pissed off to no end that nobody did this sooner.

Here are the basics. This story takes place within the framework of the Avengers movies. It appears to take place either before Avengers or it could take place after. It has the Sam Jackson version of Nick Fury, Black Widow, and Hawkeye. It also has James Rhodes, aka War Machine. It even has a guest star in the Punisher, a guy who hasn't been relevant in the Marvel movies since Tom Jane failed miserably at making a decent Punisher movie and ended up doing a show about being a male prostitute. That's a lot of fucking star power from the outset. But it doesn't rely on star power alone.

Although with anyone looking like Sam Jackson, it probably could.

The story is well thought out. It introduces a new, very anime-ish version of Technovore. It isn't just some hulking monster that eats technology that probably came from Bill Gates's worst nightmare that didn't involve watching Steve Jobs bang his wife. It's actually a creature born from events that began in the first Iron Man movie.

Say what you want about Obidiah Stane and Iron Monger. Yes, he was a somewhat shitty villain for the first movie, but he served his purpose well. But we find out in this movie that he left behind a son that he treated like shit. And like so many others kids with daddy issues, he decides he's going to scheme ways to fuck over the world for denying him a decent childhood. But unlike most kids with daddy issues, he actually has a way to do that. That way is Technovore.

It's not just Iron Man versus some evil twisted kid. This is anime. Unlike us drunken westerners, the Japanese actually put some effort into telling a deeper story. I know that sounds strange to us Americans. It's like not putting steak sauce on our steak. But it actually works better at establishing a sense of drama and emotion that you won't see on any of the Saturday morning cartoons we're all used to. I'm not saying there isn't a place for a more basic kind of animated entertainment. I'm just saying it's nice to have an outlet that actually feels like it's meant for people with hair on their chest and/or vagina.

The story has plenty of gripping moments, like War Machine being seriously injured and Iron Man having to reason with an obviously disturbed kid. But one other thing anime loves to do is throw in violent action that can be pretty gruesome, even when it doesn't involve tentacle rape. When shit starts blowing up here in this feature, people actually die. Blood is actually shed. It's not like that watered down shit you see on the action cartoons aired on Disney XD. This is visceral shit and it feels so good.

Not only is the violence more detailed, but the style of animation is more refined. There's greater depth to each image. It's an anime made for adults. That means the characters talk like adults and the cleavage of the women isn't obscured like some Iranian censorship plot. Pepper Potts is in a bikini at one point and looks absolutely bonerific. And Black Widow in anime form looks every bit as hot as Scarlett Johanssen. I've always said that cartoons need more boobs. It sucks that we have to rely on the Japanese to give it to us in our cartoons, but it doesn't make the boners any less satisfying.

You'll NEVER see a shot like this on the Disney Channel.

That's not to say that the story is without flaws. Probably the most glaring flaw (and possibly the only flaw) of Iron Man: Rise of Technovore is the pace of the story. It feels rushed and underdeveloped at times. After the first attack by Technovore, SHIELD spends most of the movie just hunting down Tony Stark. He wasn't behind it. They don't even accuse him of being involved. But for some reason Nick Fury thinks it's necessary to treat Iron Man like a criminal. It makes no god damn sense and it really never feels right. While it does make for some great action scenes and nice boob shots for Black Widow, it lacks the refinement that would otherwise make this story truly awesome.

Even with this flaw, Iron Man: Rise of Technovore is an amazing achievement. It is a neat little package that perfectly demonstrates how anime and Marvel can work. It tells a great story, has some awesome animation, and captures the same energy that made the Avengers movie a historic achievement in awesome. If I had to score this like I would a comic, I would give it a 4.5 out of 5. Even if you don't like cartoons and only watch the movies because the comics are too damn confusing, you'll find a lot to love about this. When you finish watching it, you'll have the urge to visit Marvel's main office, slap the first person you see across the face, and yell, "What the fuck are you waiting for?! Make more Marvel anime!" That's perfectly normal. Nuff said!

Iron Man 3 Trailer (With Plenty of Backup)

We're getting close to that time of year again, my fellow fanboy! It's that time when the weather isn't trying to freeze your nuts off on a daily basis and the cocaine-fueled orgy that is Hollywood prepares to corrupt America's youth with more senseless entertainment. As one of those proud youths, I say corrupt away motherfucker!

It has become routine for the summer movie season to be ushered in by a big name comic book movie. Last year we had the Avengers and fuck, you can't get much bigger than that. This year we have the end of yet another comic book movie trilogy and hopefully it's less X3 and more Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

I'm talking about Iron Man 3, the first Marvel movie to take place after the events of the Avengers. We already know Tony Stark is more fucked up than his alcoholism can cope with. We've had plenty of time to digest the earlier previews that show shit blowing up and the Mandarin trying his best to make audiences forget that it's a white guy playing an Asian character. But today Marvel has released a more detailed trailer that offers some additional insight that can be best summed up in one word...backup!

Iron Man was the first Marvel movie to usher in the era of the Marvel movieverse. It set the tone for a long streak of awesome that would eventually culminate in Avengers. But Marvel says that shit was only Phase 1. This is Phase 2 bitches! And Phase II requires more than just one guy in an Iron Man suit for reasons that are too awesome for any trailer. While I'm not the most patient drunk in the world, I understand that awesome shit is worth waiting for. But still, May 3rd better hurry the fuck up and get here! Nuff said!

Iron Man 2 Review - Solid Awesome

Well I went to a late night showing of Iron Man 2 amidst a crowded theater and a line that stretched out the doors. But this was one of those movie events you just have to see because it radiates awesome on so many levels. Now it's a common theme for movie sequels to be a big deal, especially ones coming off the heels of a first movie that was so successful. Many times they can fizzle out, coming off as so contrived it feels like the producers just took some bums off the street, gave them a case of tequila laced with LSD, and had them hammer out a plot that the studio could slap together with some flashy gimmicks to make more money. Iron Man 2 doesn't have that problem. It feels like someone put more work into it than your standard sequel. It was going to make money no matter how good it was, but it's comforting when it's good enough to warrant this title as an awesome successor.

Iron Man 2 picks up about six months from where the first movie left off. In that time Tony Stark has revealed to the world that he is Iron Man and since then, he's been using his suit to trot around the world blowing shit up and making peace with an iron fist. Most people know this line from the previews.

"I have successfully privatized world peace."

That's not an bullshit statement. He's effectively cut out the middle man when it comes to peace making, namely the government. As such, he's got no bureaucrats up his ass telling him where and when he can kick ass. Of course, the government doesn't like that. Congress led by Senator Gary Shandling accuse him of making them look bad (as if that's hard for anyone who has ever had to go to the DMV) and demands he give the Iron Man suit to the military. Of course he says no and this opens up one of the major themes to the movies.

From the beginning Robert Downy Jr. plays up all of Tony Stark's charming personality and by charming that also implies his douchebag tenancies. He really gives a sense that Tony Stark may not be privatizing peace just because it's the right thing to do. It often comes off as an ego trip, a guy trying to carve a legacy for himself because he didn't like the one he had in the last movie. It does come off as selfish and altruistic at the same time and few actors could pull that kind of thing off. Downy does it as easily as a line of cocaine and it makes for great movie magic.

Downy's brilliance is well complimented by the awesome sexiness that is Scarlett Johansson. She takes on the role of a "Legal Assistant" who helps Tony in transferring the role of CEO to Pepper Pots. Of course, she's too hot for that shit. She's really a badass secret agent named Natasha Romanov, aka the Black Widow, working for Nick Fury (played by the super cool Sam Jackson) and SHIELD. Her job, other than looking hot, seems to be tempting Tony Stark's piss poor will-power and giving him some lousy advice about what to do if he's dying. She also analyzes him for his potential role in the Avengers initiative (hinting at yet another movie down the road), which is less than stellar. She eventually joins in the ass-kicking, looking super skilled and super hot in the process. Some of the things she can do with her legs are deadly, but seriously you might just envy the men who died like that because what better place to leave this world than between Scarlet Johansson's thighs? Not a bad way to go out.

This is also where Ivan Danko, aka Whiplash, comes in. Ivan, who is wonderfully portrayed by Mickey Rourke, sees through Tony's charm. He's one of those villains who naive viewers think he's just an asshole looking to make trouble, but if you watch for more than two seconds you'll see there's some truth behind the madness. Danko has the resources to prove his point. His father worked for Tony's father, Howard Stark, and was essentially shafted. He was like a stray dog someone would bring into their home because he looked lost and abused, but the second he took a shit on the rug they kicked him to the curb. The general idea here is that dog had a puppy and it grew up to be a vicious little mutt that went back to bite the previous owner in the balls. That vicious mutt is Danko.

He showed everybody that Iron Man isn't invincible and made his own suit using technology left to him by his father. He ended up using it quite well at that, taking on Tony and messing him up in broad daylight in front of a global audience. It was the superhero equivalent of pulling down his pants and showing the world he had hemorrhoids. From here, Danko gets the attention of Justin Hammer, the other big villain of the movie who Tony Stark has gone out of his way to discredit and humiliate as an incompetent, dim-witted competitor in the world of weapons manufacturing. He's such a jackass to this guy you almost want him to get Danko's help because nobody deserves that kind of lampooning, even if they are a rich bastard.

While Hammer and Danko start working together, Stark is going down a path of self-destruction that Keith Richards himself might step back from. In the last movie his love of decadence was well-demonstrated, but it's different this time around. This time, Tony is suffering from blood toxicity caused by the chest plate that's keeping him alive. So he doesn't believe he's going to be alive much longer. What's the most logical thing to do in that respect? What else? Get pissed faced drunk, throw a party, destroy your house, and completely alienate your friends in the process. This is where the guy who always defends him, James Rhodes, basically strikes out and takes one of Tony's suits to the military where they make it into War Machine.

It all comes to ahead at the end when Danko once again makes Hammer look like an incompetent tool, hijacking his new Iron Man knock-offs and attacking Stark's expo. It makes for some great explosions, some kick-ass fighting, and general over-the-top action that one would expect from a film taken from the annuls of Marvel Comics.

So what does the final product come to? Well it definitely rides the tidal wave of hype and manages not to fizzle out, so there's that. But compared to the first film, there wasn't much of an improvement. In fact, in some ways it felt a lot more disjointed. The action, dialogue, and plot didn't flow nearly as well or as naturally as it did in the first movie. At times the cinematography reads like it was edited by a 15-year-old crack addict with carpel tunnel syndrome. The dialogue was also pretty off at times. It sounded nowhere near as conversational as the last movie or most movies for that matter. When the characters talked, it sounded like they were reading it from a teleprompter and not trying to add a personal touch. I get that this is a movie of big explosions and pretty technology, but that alone an awesome movie does not make.

Then there were the little things. Gwenth Paltrow's portrayal of Pepper Pots didn't change much from the last movie and that in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but you expect a wee bit more progress in the character than this. She sounded downright whiny and bitchy at times, like a spoiled rich girl complaining that her daddy was having fun without her. Granted, she still had great chemistry with Downy, but she lacked the maturity she had in the first movie. Mickey Rourke's performance was solid too, but at times his character came off as flat. When he spoke, it didn't have much personality behind it. He sounded as though he was overacting at times, like he was not really into the character and trying too hard to be like the comic book. There's a limit to that because his lines were limited and when he did speak, it was short and contrived. You get the sense there was depth to Danko's character, but Rouke never got to flesh it out. Now while Scarlet Johansson's portrayal of Black Widow was sheer hotness, it takes more than boner-inducing looks to pull off a character. She came off as flat as Rouke at times. Plus, she didn't even have an accent! How can you do Black Widow and not have that distinct Russian accent? Rouke made it work well. Why couldn't Johansson?

Take all these peeves, throw them into a blender with the rest of the movie, mix it all up, and you'll get something you won't chug every day like chocolate milkshake laced with crack. But you'll get something that's bearable and tasteful, enough to make you glad you indulged and enough to make you want to indulge again. But it's nowhere near the sheer ecstasy of other kick-ass sequels like The Dark Night, X2, or Spider-Man 2. It is still awesome in it's own light. It stands on it's own as a worthy successor to the first Iron Man. And wouldn't you know it? There was one last scene after the credits that hinted at the next big Marvel movie. I'll give you a hint. It involves a guy with a hammer who talks like he's spent one day too many at a Renaissance fair. Nuff said.

So what's the final verdict? For all it's faults and successes, Iron Man 2 gets a 3.5 out of 5. It has plenty of charm, but not the revolutionary imagining that the first one did. It keeps the appetite hungry for more, building further to the eventual Avengers movie set to come out in a few years. There's a lot to love and it's perfectly acceptable to say that Iron Man 2 is kick-ass awesome and one of the best movies of the year so far.