Building (and Tinkering with) a Legacy: Generations: Iron Man and Ironheart #1

The following is my review of Generations: Iron Man and Ironheart #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When a new character takes on the legacy of an older one, the greatest challenge is making that transition seem fitting and meaningful. It helps when the older character has a sizable network of friends, family, and side-kicks in the wings, ready to carry on that legacy in a way that feels like a true extension of the story. This is how Batman's legacy can continue whenever Bruce Wayne is MIA, whether it's through Dick Grayson, Terry McGuinness, or the occasional robot.

Unfortunately for the legacy of Iron Man, Tony Stark isn't as keen on side-kicks and family. Throughout his history, he tends to monopolize all things Iron Man. At times, he gives the impression that he only tolerates War Machine because he doesn't use a title or color scheme that undermines his brand. He's akin to a musician who doesn't mind people doing goofy parodies of his music. That may be an effective way to control a legacy, but it does create issues once Tony is unavailable. With no Robin or even a Bucky Barnes waiting in the wings, Iron Man's legacy is especially vulnerable.

That makes the task Brian Michael Bendis undertook in creating Riri Williams all the more daunting. He doesn't have the time or capacity to create the kind of built-in legacy that Batman has. He has to put Riri in this role of filling in for Tony Stark with next to no build-up or dramatic underpinnings. Riri just happens to be in the right place at the right time when Tony Stark goes down in Civil War II. It's the kind of happenstance that can only come at Marvel where Cosmic Cubes, deals with Mephisto, and the Scarlet Witch going crazy constantly skew the odds.

With Generations: Iron Man and Ironheart #1, Bendis has a chance to forge a greater personal connection between Tony Stark and Riri Williams. In a sense, that sort of connection is overdue because even in his AI form, Tony acts more as a guide than a mentor to Riri. The lack of any deeper undertones still creates the impression that Riri's role is forced and contrived. Creating a more personal connection can help mitigate that impression.

Bendis makes that effort and even tries a different approach, compared to previous iterations of Marvel Generations. Whereas the other stories have taken characters to the past, he takes Riri to the future. That's somewhat more practical, given the inherent themes of futurism in Iron Man. However, pragmatics only go so far. When it comes to actual substance, the story falters and only ends up highlighting the reasons certain fans complain about Riri in the first place.

By taking the story to the future instead of the past, she ends up in a very different world, compared to the one she comes from. This is inherently an issue for her character because so much of her story is tied to her situation in the present. Her family, being from Chicago, and stumbling through the growing pains of being a hero are part of what makes Riri's story compelling. None of that is present in Generations: Iron Man and Ironheart #1. That leaves Riri isolated and only highlights some of her less flattering traits.

From the moment she arrives in the future, Riri basically acts as her own narrator. It tries to come off as cute and awkward, as is often the nature of teenagers, but it just comes off as annoying and self-centered. She doesn't say or ponder anything that isn't depicted by Marco Rudy's skilled art. When she encounters familiar-looking heroes from the future, including a next-generation Avengers team and a 126-year-old Tony Stark, who also happens to be the Sorcerer Supreme, the moment falls flat. For overly-emotional teenagers, that just goes against the laws of physics.

That's not to say Riri is cold in the story. She does make it a point to hug Tony when she gets the chance. However, that's pretty much the extent of the connection they forge. It's also the extent of the drama in the story. There's no epic battle. There's no shared struggle. One is teased, but goes absolutely nowhere. There's no point where Riri really works with Tony, thereby gaining a better understanding of what it means to be Ironheart. She basically just sits back, watches, and gets a crash course in how great the future is.

While that sort of techno-utopian ideology is a key component to Iron Man, Generations: Iron Man and Ironheart #1 doesn't present it in a very compelling way. It's mostly done through Tony Stark talking, Riri Williams reacting, and everyone else just shrugging their shoulders. It's as compelling as it sounds. There aren't any moments of real struggle with Riri. She's basically just a guest passing through and not much else. Her passing out when she first arrives is the most she does to move the story forward.

That's not to say there's no overall impact for Riri. Seeing the future and all the beauty that Rudy's art can depict leaves an important impression. It shows that the future she, Tony, and all things Iron Man are trying to build is worth building. That's a meaningful impression, but one that doesn't need to be belabored in an Iron Man comic, which is built on the very premise that a better future can be built. Riri's story already involves plenty of future-building so the impression comes off as redundant.

Bendis has many opportunities to craft a more meaningful connection between Riri and Tony in Generations: Iron Man and Ironheart #1. Few, if any, of those opportunities pan out. Riri still comes off as an annoying teenager who basically stumbles to success at every turn as Ironheart and Tony comes off as overly coy with his ego. The story succeeds at capturing the futurism themes inherent of most Iron Man stories, but that's all it succeeds with. For someone as capable as Riri Williams and Tony Stark, that's just too low a bar.


Final Score: 4 out of 10

Winning Streaks and Resolutions: Civil War II #8

The following is my review of Civil War II #8, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Every major sports dynasty in every meaningful sport learns at some point that a winning streak has to end. Whether it's the Russians in the 1980 Winter Olympics, the undefeated New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, or the New York Yankees every five years or so, they learn that no winning streak can last forever. More often than not, learning that lesson is pretty painful.

In the context of Marvel Comics, Tony Stark is very much on par with the New York Yankees. He's been managing a winning streak that dates back to the conclusion of the first Civil War back in 2005. Within the Marvel/Disney hierarchy, he's right up there with princesses and talking animals in terms of importance and prominence. He's not just the character that revived Robert Downey Jr.'s career. He's very much the catalyst for the modern Marvel universe, as it has manifested over the past decade.

With Civil War II, he faces the biggest threat to his losing streak to date. Once again, he finds himself leading a team of heroes against another team of heroes, caught up in a powerful philosophical struggle on how heroes should conduct themselves. This time, it's not just Captain America or the American legal system he's up against. He's taking on Captain Marvel, who has a winning streak of her own, and the very forces that shape the future of the Marvel universe. Even with the star power of Robert Downey Jr., Tony Stark faces extreme odds.

He finally puts his vision and his winning streak on the line in Civil War II #8 for the final struggle. It has the fixings of a dramatic struggle, ripe with the same high emotions as Mark Millar's memorable narrative in the first Civil War. Unfortunately, those high emotions that worked so well for Millar end up falling much flatter with Bendis.

That's not to say that Civil War II #8 doesn't deliver in terms of drama and high emotions. Those factors are definitely in place and they do give the story plenty of weight. However, the actual mechanics of the story and the way everything gets resolved just come off as rushed and contrived. Nobody will be gasping for air or picking their jaw up off the floor with the big climax of the story here. The most anyone will probably do is shrug and sigh, but not necessarily in a bad way.

There are some powerful moments that play out here. These moments highlight the sheer strength and weight that Captain Marvel and Iron Man wield in the context of the current Marvel hierarchy. These are two of Marvel's most popular characters fighting over a conflict that Bendis made sure was every bit as balanced as the one Mark Millar molded in the first Civil War. The clash never feels like a glorified street fight or something that can be written off as a product of mind control, clones, or Skrull agents.

Captain Marvel and Iron Man are literally fighting for the future of the Marvel universe and their place in it. Over the course of that fight, it's clear that neither character harbors a seething hatred of the other. They don't insult each other. They don't engage in the kind of trash talk usually reserved for a rap battle. They carry themselves with the utmost conviction that they're right. They both believe they are the New York Yankees on the cusp of another championship.

In the end, only one can win out. Eventually, one does win out, albeit in an outcome that feels somewhat hollow. After all the high emotions that helped make Civil War II so impactful, from the first battle against a rogue Celestial to the death of Bruce Banner, the end result feels muted because the battle doesn't really resolve the main issue. In some respects, the issue resolves itself, which makes the conflict seem more trivial than it actually is.

Nothing that Captain Marvel and Iron Man do, either through fighting or through the hard choices they make, influences what happens to Ulysses. As the Inhuman who started this all, his role in the final conflict is surprisingly minimized, which really undermines the narrative. It's like Wolverine trying to win a fight without his claws. It is possible, but it lacks that a certain touch that gives the conclusion its satisfying feel.

Absent this satisfaction, the conclusion in Civil War II feels so rushed. If the conflict does affect Ulysses, it's an indirect influence at most and that influence is not really clear. Unlike the first Civil War, neither side gets a chance to really prove that their side was right. There's no way to actually put into practice all these the passionate arguments that Captain Marvel and Iron Man make throughout the conflict. They still fight, but they don't get to find out whose ideas actually win out.

Despite this lack of resolution, Civil War II still tries to establish a clear winner. It succeeds in this to some degree. It makes clear who comes out ahead and whose winning streak comes to an abrupt end. However, establishing the winner in the story doesn't necessarily explain why they're the winner in the first place. There's an argument to be made that nobody really won Civil War II. In the end, one person is still standing. That's more a technicality than a win, but it still counts. It's like a championship game ending in a tie, but one side still gets to act like a winner.

On the whole, Brian Michael Bendis and Oliver Copiel succeed on numerous levels in making Civil War II the same high-stakes, high-drama conflict as its predecessor. The heavy emotions and painful losses are there. The impact of those losses are felt. Civil War II #8 does nothing to underscore those emotions or those losses. The characters never feel insincere. There's never a sense that one of them could be a Skrull agent. The refinements are there. It's the overall resolution that's lacking.

One winning streak ends. Another winning streak continues. There are impacts, scars, and plenty of arguments to be had on message boards for years to come. In the grand scheme of things, Civil War II counts as a success. It's just not the kind of success that will make anyone less tired of superheroes fighting each other.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Heavy Impacts with Heavy Hearts: Civil War II #3

The following is my review of Civil War II #3, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In major and minor wars alike, there is usually a spark that ignites the conflict. That spark doesn't always get its own documentary on the History Channel, but it often reveals the scope and scale of the conflict that unfolds. In Civil War II, the spark is lit. The conflict over Ulysses, the Inhuman who can predict the future on a level that fantasy sports fans dream of, is just starting to grow.

It's a conflict that has already claimed multiple casualties, namely War Machine and She-Hulk. So already, the scope and scale of this conflict is pretty big. Brian Michael Bendis gives both sides plenty of reasons to shoot, punch, and yell at each other. These reasons aren't petty or contrived either. This goes beyond opposing an unjust law, suspecting who may or may not be a Skrull, or falling in love with the same redhead. True to Marvel's Civil War tradition, this conflict reflects real-world conflicts in terms of justice, due process, and using precognitive powers for more than just fantasy sports.

However, the true extent of the conflict Civil War II is still developing. There isn't yet a rallying point where the lines are drawn, the teams assemble, and the property damage escalates. So far, the conflict is still Iron Man and Captain Marvel having a friendly disagreement. In Civil War II #3, there's nothing friendly about it anymore. That spark is a raging inferno now. The lines are drawn, the divisions are clear, and the outrage cannot be contained in a message board.

Bendis uses a common tactic in major crossover events, crafting the big turning point around the death of a major character. However, the tactics Bendis uses to make this death meaningful in Civil War II #3 aren't quite so common. This being Marvel's second attempt at a Civil War story, the formula requires some tweaking. It can't go too overboard either. As the last Fantastic Four movie so tragically demonstrates, this can backfire.

Bendis avoids that pitfall by framing the conflict in Civil War II in a more sophisticated manner. There's a not much emphasis on the death itself. There isn't even much emphasis on the one who causes it. Instead, Bendis explores the larger implications. Those implications help expand the conflict in a way that feels personal, profound, and dramatic.

These same implications are the fuel that raises the stakes in Civil War II. It still echoes the same conflict that begins as a simple disagreement between Iron Man and Captain Marvel. That disagreement, however, is now a war that is claiming multiple casualties. Those casualties make the difficult questions surrounding Civil War II more pressing.

These questions are repeated in Civil War II #3, but in very different circumstances and in a very different context. The content is still the same though. Is it right to punish a crime before it is committed? Even when they have a powerful tool at their disposal in Ulysses that gives them unprecedented foresight? The answers to these questions, as well as the merits of those answers, is put on trial in a semi-literal way. It may not be as exciting as the battle against the renegade Celestial in Civil War II #1, but its contribution to the narrative is every bit as meaningful.

The narrative actually alternates between the present and the past, providing details and drama to the circumstances that led to this pivotal turning point. It gets a little chaotic, but never becomes overly confusing. That's quite an accomplishment at a time when the Marvel Universe is full of time-displaced characters and characters from other universes.

The shifting timeframe also allows for some powerful moments with certain characters, especially Bruce Banner and Hawkeye. Nobody does anything with a wink and a shrug. Nobody tries to lighten the mood. There are a lot of heavy hearts and serious concerns. Even Spider-Man doesn't dare make any wisecracks, which is a major sign in and of itself.

The most important impact, in terms of the bigger picture, is how the events of this issue entrench the two opposing sides. Carol Danvers, despite being personally affected by the growing list of casualties, makes her position clear. She believes that using Ulysses' visions to save lives is justified. The heavy losses she endures don't change that. If anything, they strengthen her resolve.

These events do the same for Iron Man, albeit in the opposite direction. The loss in this issue only confirms his greatest fears. He sees punishing a crime before it is committed as a crime itself. Once again, Bendis captures the most important element of Civil War by presenting both sides as reasonable. This isn't a debate on the morality of child labor laws or free medicine for sick orphans. This is a clash in philosophies where both sides occupy a very gray area of morality.

If there are any shortcomings in this clash, it's the lack of contribution from other heroes not named Iron Man, Captain Marvel, or Hawkeye. Nearly every major superhero team in the Marvel Universe takes interest in this issue, including those with conflicting movie rights. However, their contributions and reactions aren't really explored or hinted at. Even though the battle lines are drawn, it's difficult to determine who sides with who.

That's not to say that the scope of Civil War II is underplayed. Bendis makes an effort to show just how big a story this is for everyone in the Marvel Universe. He creates the sense that this conflict is being watched at levels not seen since the OJ Simpson trial. It extends the conflict beyond superheroes because for all the public knows, they're just one Ulysses vision away from being the next Red Skull.

Civil War II #3 succeeds in the most important part of any civil war. It draws the battle lines while establishing the merits of both sides. It also ends any possibility that this disagreement between Iron Man and Captain Marvel can end without someone getting punched in the jaw. Heroes are already choosing sides. Arguments are intensifying on message boards. This conflict is bound to get ugly, but Bendis makes sure it's a meaningful, relevant kind of ugly. Anyone who can make ugly things meaningful knows they've accomplished something.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Fittingly Effective Foresight: Civil War II #1

The following is my review of Civil War II #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

There's a reason why some one-hit wonders are destined to fail in any effort to recapture their initial success. As Vanilla Ice and everyone whoever did the Macarena can attest, it's easy to get burned out on something when it's overdone and overexposed. Capturing that same success is even harder than capturing lightning in a bottle a second time. At least lightning obeys the laws of nature. Those that consume media tend to scoff at those laws in ways that frustrate every marketing department that ever existed.

This same dynamic applies to major crossover events in comics. Sometimes, the time and place is right for such an event. Mark Millar's work on Civil War couldn't have come out at a better time. It was a time where issues like the Patriot Act and pre-emptive war actively shaped the mindset of the public. It's hard to determine whether the time and place is right for Civil War II, but Marvel is rolling the dice, hoping they can succeed where Vanilla Ice failed.

Civil War II #1 ignites a conflict that promises to divide Marvel's iconic heroes every bit as much as the Superhero Registration Act/Sokovia Accords. It's a conflict that, much like its predecessor, reflects real-world issues in maintaining a safe and just society. It's all built around the prospect of punishing crime before it occurs. It's an untenable concept outside of a North Korean court, but in a world where there are enough psychics to start their own baseball team, it's a legitimate issue to discuss.

Brian Michael Bendis makes it a point to make this discussion the main driving force of the narrative, but it's the spectacle built around that driving force that gives Civil War II #1 an impact that rivals its predecessor. The story doesn't actually start with the debate. It starts with a full-fledged, unambiguous triumph. It's the kind of triumph usually reserved for the end of a crossover story after every effort is made to make the heroes the underdogs. Bendis effectively flips that script in the best possible way.

A rogue Celestial invades, the heroes of the Marvel universe unite, and they win the day with less collateral damage than mild Hulk rampage. At a time when every major superhero clash incurs enough damage to bankrupt Stark Industries, this feels like a refreshing novelty. However, it's the context in which this battle occurs that gives it a unique weight.

It centers around Ulysses, a recently-formed Inhuman who has the ability to accurately see the future. He's the reason why every hero of the Marvel universe was able to effectively coordinate against a Celestial attack. He shows that with enough warning, prep time, and access to Tony Stark's credit cards, there aren't many threats that Earth's mightiest heroes can't deal with. In the grand scheme of superhero dynamics, it makes perfect sense. Many devastating attacks are built on the element of surprise. Take that away and even Thanos on his best day can't win.

It's a rarity in modern comics, the heroes being so competent and effective in their efforts. It's rare because on paper, it makes for a boring story. There's not much drama behind Superman rescuing a cat from a tree or Captain America telling children to eat their vegetables. In some respects, it's that rarity that makes this epic battle against a Celestial so impactful. It establishes just what Marvel's greatest heroes can accomplish when they have sufficient foresight, effective coordination, and no hindrances from competing movie studios.

This easy, efficient victory leads right into the dramatic debate that echoes the conflict that gives Civil War II the impact it needs to make the narrative work. Carol Danvers and Tony Stark draw the lines and establish the sides. On Carol's side, there's the idea that they should use Ulysses' power to prevent crimes from ever happening. On Tony's side, there's the idea that the punishment shouldn't come before the crime. Both sides make valid points. Both sides make passionate arguments. Both sides are sure to divide fans and inflame message boards, but for all the right reasons.

This argument captures the most important component of the original Civil War. It creates a conflict in which both sides make valid arguments. This isn't a matter of democracy versus fascism, truth versus deceit, or The Phantom Menace versus The Empire Strikes Back. There's a case to be made by both sides. By establishing this important dynamic, Civil War II #1 succeeds at achieving its most critical goal.

With this success, the foundation for the conflict is effectively set. The two opposing sides form and the stakes are established. In terms of the big picture, Civil War II #1 checks all the right boxes. In terms of the little pictures within that big picture, however, the details are lacking. Like Deadpool at a shooting range, the narrative does jump the gun in some areas.

The pacing of the story, as well as the sequence of the events, is poorly organized and disjointed at times. It made sense to rush the battle against the Celestial because of Ulysses' impact. However, the subsequent battle against Thanos that incurred major casualties lacked the necessary context. While this didn't take away from the heavy emotions and high drama, it does come off as contrived to some extent.

Despite the disorganization and inconsistencies, Civil War II #1 hits the ground running in all the right ways for all the right reasons. Brian Michael Bendis succeeds in capturing the same spirit that Mark Millar captured with the original Civil War. It doesn't try too hard to be exactly like its predecessor. It doesn't try to radically reinvent the concept either. Civil War II strikes a perfect balance between the fresh and the familiar. It succeeds where so many one-hit wonders fail. It may be too late for Vanilla Ice, but the timing is perfect for this latest Marvel spectacle.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Civil War II: X-men #1 PREVIEW!

It's been a while since I singled out a preview on this blog. To be honest, I put a lot less stock in previews these days because they tend to be shitty teasers that rarely reflect the quality of a book. That's not just a problem Marvel has either. Pretty much all comics do that and like a trailer that gives away all the good parts, I think their value is overstated.

That said, some are worth staying sober for. We all know by now that Marvel has developed a new fetish for fucking over the X-men at every turn. Civil War II will likely contribute to that effort. At the rate it's going, the entire mutant race will need an extra asshole to accommodate the screw-job they'll endure. On the other side, I'm pretty sure the Inhumans will come off so glowing that they could all take a shit in a portopotty and make it smell like a chocolate factory. X-men fans just have to reside themselves to the fact that this is the new normal. Marvel will continue to fuck the X-men with an Inhuman-powered dick until Fox cough's up the rights some time in 2093.

So we can either whine about it or just sit back and enjoy the shit storm for what it is. Thankfully, the X-men comics still have writers like Cullen Bunn, Tom Taylor, and Jeff Lemire. They still seem to be putting a concerted effort to making the X-men comics awesome, despite Marvel's best efforts. While I'm sure it infuriate the lawyers, they do have a Civil War II tie-in book. It's coming out next week and I'm sure the entire mutant race will want to lube up their assholes accordingly.

CBR: Civil War II: X-men #1 Preview

So there are rich assholes in every group that will try to exploit the shit out of a bad situation. That makes sense. Being a mutant doesn't make anyone immune to being a total cunt. Looking at you, Hope fucking Summers.

Beyond rich assholes jerking off while other mutants suffer because of the Inhuman fart cloud, Magneto is once again showing that he can get shit done in ways that no pacifist can hope to match. It's a huge theme of Cullen Bunn's run on Uncanny X-men. I can only hope he'll take it way too fucking far here in Civil War II. That brings out the best in Magneto and the X-men as a whole. So even though I know this is going to end in a shit storm for mutants, I'm still going to grab a case of beer, sit back, and enjoy the show as best I can with an unsober mind. Nuff said!

Through Loosely Connected Sub-plots, a Foundation Is Laid in Civil War II #0

The following is my review of Civil War II #0, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Any college student cramming for a final exam can attest that procrastination is a common, often unavoidable aspect of human nature. We human beings simply aren't wired to be overly proactive. The caveman in us often refuses to acknowledge the danger until a stampede of wooly mammoths is charging our village at a rate that registers as a small to mid-ranged Earthquake. We try to be proactive. We understand its values and benefits. Despite this, our capacity for foresight is laughable most of the time.

In the world of superheroes, killer robots, invading aliens, and whatever Tony Stark happens to build on an off-day, the stakes are much higher than any exam. Knowing when and how Thanos will attempt to destroy the Earth and spit on its ashes is pretty important. It's the difference between needing another Helicarrier and needing a time machine.

It's a factor that has many real world parallels. Law enforcement, the military, the NSA, and annoying internet ads need a certain level of foresight to function. That's what makes Civil War II such an intriguing concept and Civil War II #0 makes it a point to belabor the importance of this concept. It's a point worth belaboring, as those same procrastinating college students are destined to find out the hard way. The conflict doesn't erupt here, but the mood is definitively established.

The method for establishing this mood in Civil War II #0 isn't necessarily concise, nor is it engaging at times. However, it still conveys the necessary sentiment through the experiences of characters like She-Hulk, War Machine, and Captain Marvel. These characters help shape the mood of the conflict before it erupts. They don't reveal anything about the characters that can't be gleaned from Wikipedia, but they do establish their current mindset within the context of Civil War II.

Through these loosely connected sub-plots, the foundation is laid. On one side, She-Hulk argues passionately for the defense of the Jester, a known villain who most card-carrying members of the Avengers wouldn't hesitate to punch. Her defense, however, is as articulate as it is relevant, both in the context of Civil War II and in the context of the real world where no self-respecting criminal calls themselves the Jester.

The crime in this case may or may not qualify as a crime. The Jester isn't charged with stealing or hurting anyone. He's charged with merely discussing it. For him, the mere act of thinking about a crime is a crime in and of itself. It is, by definition, a thought crime. In the real world, civilized societies find convicting people of such crimes untenable. Maybe it's a little more understandable in a world where telepaths like Emma Frost and Jean Grey exist, but it's still inconsistent with a basic understanding of justice.

Our world might not have telepaths, but it does reflect a real problem, as the original Civil War did a decade earlier. In the realm of justice and security, it's not always clear what constitutes an imminent threat. For some people, a threat only becomes pressing when someone is standing in a doorway dressed as a clown and carrying a knife. For others, a critical tweet constitutes a threat. The line isn't just blurred. It's a constantly shifting, often nebulous concept that rarely keeps up with the needs of society.

She-Hulk ends up losing her case, but her concept of proactive justice is very different from that of Captain Marvel. As a member of the Ultimates, who need to be exceedingly proactive when dealing with threats like Thanos and Galactus, she laments on how many close calls the Earth has had. This doesn't even count all the times retcons and time travel were necessary to save the day. She understands the need for foresight better than most non-psychic characters. Moreover, she expresses a desire to seek means of improving their foresight.

This leads to the primary catalyst for Civil War II, namely the Inhuman named Ulysses. There's really nothing special about his transformation or him as a character. He's as generic and forgettable as most civilians in the Marvel universe with no direct or indirect ties to Peter Parker. He just happens to be outside as the Terrigen Mist sweeps over his college campus. That's really all there is to this key character in Civil War II.

The drama is lacking, but the sentiment expressed by characters like She-Hulk and Captain Marvel are nicely developed. The situations are somewhat contrived, but Brian Michael Bendis does an admirable job crafting the thoughts and feelings of these characters. He sets the right tone and establishes the right mood, ensuring it's ripe for tension and conflict. Since the first Civil War inspired a movie that's on track to make a billion dollars at the box office, this is vital in terms of capturing the spirit of its predecessor.

While this spirit is present and well-developed, the overall story is lacking and disorganized. There are very few connecting threads tying the narrative together. Everything just happens separately and randomly. That's not to say the plot of Civil War II #0 is forced. It simply lacks organization and cohesion. It's the opening credits to a much larger story and not enough is done to make this necessary component of the overall narrative more engaging.

The greatest strength of Civil War II #0 is still the insight of the characters involved. This insight succeeds in the same way the premise of the original Civil War succeeded, creating an issue that has real-world parallels and major implications, especially for a fictional world where planet-eating entities are a legitimate concern. It's bland in terms of substance, but necessary with respect to context. It lacks a larger entertainment value, but such details aren't always possible for a certain narrative, Deadpool being the lone exception.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Families, Flashbacks, and Fodder: International Iron Man #1

The following is my review of International Iron Man #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

The J. J. Abrams and M. Night Shyamalans of the world have made a comfortable living off shocking revelations. It's an old and, at times, overused tactic to add excitement to a story, but nothing gets overused without it being effective on some levels. Since the big revelation about Darth Vader being Luke Skywalker's father in Empire Strikes Back, every creator in every medium has been trying to match the impact. To date, most have either failed, come up short, or something in between.

Kieron Gillen came surprisingly close during his run on Iron Man. He crafted a story around the origin of Tony Stark, but not in the sense that it explored how he became Iron Man. There have already been multiple stories and a billion-dollar movie built around that narrative. Instead, Gillen focused on Tony Stark's family and this led to a revelation that would've surprised George Lucas himself.

Tony Stark is not the son of Howard Stark. He was adopted. His entire sense of self and who he is had been shaken. It's a story that has so many ramifications. It would be like Bruce Wayne finding out he's half-Kryptonian. It completely changes the dynamics of Iron Man. However, the full scope of this impact hasn't been fully explored yet. That's what Brian Michael Bendis seeks to change with International Iron Man #1.

The narrative of this series promises to explore the ramifications of Tony's newfound heritage or lack thereof. It's a narrative that is slow and tedious in the beginning, but the payoff at the end creates just the right amount of intrigue and unlike Empire Strikes Back, nobody had to lose a hand. Tony still ended up getting shot, but let's face it. That's hardly the worst outcome of a conflict for him.

That payoff was the product of a story built around an extended flashback. In terms of narrative style, it ranks just above a clip show in a sitcom in terms of gimmicks that are easy to get sick of. However, the flashback in this case does tell an important story from Tony Stark's past. Through that story, Brian Michael Bendis reveals the dynamic Tony had with his adopted parents. That's not to say there were telling hints about his secret heritage, but it certainly gives the impression that there were clues. Why else would a college-aged boy be so eager to meet a cute girl's parents?

The answer to that question doesn't reveal as much as the question itself. Throughout this flashback, a younger, less heroic Tony Stark demonstrates an undeniable distance between him and who he thinks are his birth parents. It's not the kind of distance that just comes with going to college in London either. At one point, a girl that has caught his eye said she was close to her family. For Tony Stark, a kid whose family has enough money to buy their own university and excuse him from every homework assignment, that leaves an undeniable impact.

It sets the tone for the issues that Tony faces in the future. He isn't close with his family and it's not because of the typical problems faced by rich, genius playboys. He's not bitter that his parents paid a nanny to raise him in the tradition of Downton Abbey. He's not bitter that he didn't get the right color Ferrari for his 16th birthday either. There are other factors involved that didn't make sense at the time, but like reading the spoilers for The Sixth Sense, they make sense now.

While these issues help set an appropriate tone, the story itself is less than trilling. However, this is more a matter of pragmatism rather than simply not having enough things for Iron Man to blow up. The flashback through which most of the story is told takes place before Tony Stark became Iron Man. The story doesn't try to put him in a position to blow something up. It's purpose is to put him into a position to confront these issues. That process still involves him getting shot so it's not like it has the monotone of an economics lecture.

This same process is also built around Tony's interest in a woman named Cassandra. It's one of the common themes that, like Iron Man blowing something up, unite Tony's past and present. Being a college-aged student in this flashback, he's easily distracted from his studies and his family issues by a beautiful woman. It might as well be the one unifying factor between rich tech geniuses and poor, immature frat guys. What makes this woman more important than another notch on Tony's many belts is her potential link to Tony's biological parents.

It's a link that isn't revealed until the end. For much of the story, Cassandra comes off as just another rich, privileged woman who has a big target on her back and not in the Kardashian sort of way. Tony, being a fan of danger even before he became Iron Man, is certainly intrigued. However, that intrigue evolves beyond a typical college hook-up when Hydra enters the picture. Not having an Iron Man suit at the time, it offers a telling hint that this woman knows things that cannot be easily Googled.

As intriguing as the premise might be, International Iron Man #1 offers little beyond telling hints and standard intrigue. The story surrounding Tony Stark's biological parents takes a step forward here, but just barely. It's a story that focuses more on characters than shooting Hydra goons in the head and while it has its moments, there's nothing overly memorable to take from it.

More than anything else, International Iron Man #1 is a trailer for a much larger story involving Tony's heritage. While some trailers end up being better than the movies they tease, this one offers more promise than most. It's like the difference between the Deadpool trailer and the trailer for the last Fantastic Four movie. One promises great entertainment value. One promises to ignite outrage on message boards. International Iron Man is still building up its entertainment value, but it shouldn't ignite any message boards just yet.

Final Score: 5 out of 10

Having It All And Wanting More: Captain Marvel #1

The following is my review of Captain Marvel #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

The concept of “having it all” is one of those fantasies that can easily become an unhealthy obsession. Sometimes it becomes so unhealthy that in attempting to “have it all,” the most common result is losing it all. The human mind and the human body can only handle so much. And while some are capable of handling more than others, few are ever satisfied with their limits. For someone with the superhuman limits of Carol Danvers, that creates a pretty distressing mentality. However, her desire and ambition to expanding those limits is what makes her persona in Captain Marvel #1 so appealing. She even manages to do this in a way that doesn’t come off as egotistical or petty. She’s basically the antithesis of the Superior Spider-Man.

Carol Danvers has already moved up in the Marvel universe. She graduated from her Miss Marvel moniker and adopted the title of Captain Marvel. This role didn’t just give her a more gender neutral title while reaffirming her role as one of Avenger’s heaviest hitters. Taking on that title also meant her skills and her power could no longer be restricted to one planet. Like the previous Captain Marvel, she had to see herself in a larger role with a much bigger mission. And it’s a role she’s eager in some ways to adopt and reluctant in others. The admitted Star Wars fan in her loves the idea, but the normal woman she used to be has reservations. It’s one thing to move to a new country for her job. It’s quite another to take it into the depths of space.

It also doesn’t help that Carol struggles to articulate those reservations throughout this issue. It shows every bit as clearly as her love of Star Wars. Even though her conflicts are drawing her away from Earth, she still maintains strong connections with family, friends, and a love interest in James Rhodes. In some ways it shows that Captain Marvel has done a pretty good job of “having it all.” She’s powerful, she’s beautiful, she’s an Avenger, and she has a family that she hasn’t alienated yet. That’s something even Bruce Wayne can’t say he’s achieved. Yet it’s still not enough for her. That’s why she wants to take her mission into space. She doesn’t give the impression that she’s bored with the constant Thanos attacks and Skrull incursions on Earth. She just sees this as the next logical step.

But even with the title of Captain Marvel, it doesn’t prevent Carol from being overwhelmed. If she weren’t overwhelmed by such a notion, she would be Lex Luthor and not the charismatic hero that has endeared herself to so many. But in conversations with both Iron Man and Rhodes, she shows a kind of restlessness that’s usually reserved for people waiting in line for the next Apple gadget. Even her own family notices this. She just can’t be content with her state of affairs and she realizes that on some levels. She just isn’t sure how to deal with it.

In that sense, the conflict Carol faces in Captain Marvel #1 is not unlike the conflict a lot of men and women face in their endless pursuit of “having it all.” TV, movies, and cheesy music have gone to great lengths to convince everyone that they can “have it all.” They can have a loving family, a successful and lucrative career, a body worthy of a supermodel, and a sex life worthy of its own lingerie line. It all seems so appealing and it is. What these gimmicks don’t say is that there are only so many hours in the day and only so many opportunities to achieve even one of these things. Being able to achieve them all is like hitting multiple lottery jackpots.

In that sense, Carol Danvers has already hit those jackpots and then some. She is young and beautiful. She has been imbued with great power that affords her the kind of stamina that stay-at-home moms and underpaid factory workers only wish they had. And in Captain Marvel #1, she is basically handed an opportunity to achieve even more. Yet at times, she still isn’t entirely sure of what she wants or what her definition of “having it all” even entails. For someone like her, the bar isn’t just higher. It’s in another time zone. But in the end, she chooses to go after it even if it means leaving other opportunities behind.

This is one of the most powerful messages within Captain Marvel #1. Despite all her reservations and her restlessness, Carol decides to shoot for the stars in both a literal and figurative sense. She doesn’t quite understand what she wants, but she knows how to go about finding it. This essentially sets the tone for the series as a whole. Captain Marvel is looking to go above and beyond to be worthy of her title. She shows the kind of ambition that makes her more than just superhuman. Despite all her power, she’s still very human and still very driven to be part of something greater. The Avengers may give her plenty of opportunities to flex her muscles, but they don’t offer many opportunities for personal growth. There’s really only so much growth anyone can achieve by fighting creatures like Thanos.

There’s a lot that goes into “having it all,” but everyone’s standard is different. Captain Marvel #1 shows Carol Danvers adopting a new standard for herself. That standard feels overdue in some ways. While her reservations may make her painfully human, they sometimes come off as excuses that cause her unfolding story to drag. But despite her hesitation, she eventually does make a few very important decisions that promise to affect the course of her character moving forward. It also gives her a chance to live out her every Star Wars fantasy, which may very well add to her ambition.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Iron Man 3 Trailer (With Plenty of Backup)

We're getting close to that time of year again, my fellow fanboy! It's that time when the weather isn't trying to freeze your nuts off on a daily basis and the cocaine-fueled orgy that is Hollywood prepares to corrupt America's youth with more senseless entertainment. As one of those proud youths, I say corrupt away motherfucker!

It has become routine for the summer movie season to be ushered in by a big name comic book movie. Last year we had the Avengers and fuck, you can't get much bigger than that. This year we have the end of yet another comic book movie trilogy and hopefully it's less X3 and more Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

I'm talking about Iron Man 3, the first Marvel movie to take place after the events of the Avengers. We already know Tony Stark is more fucked up than his alcoholism can cope with. We've had plenty of time to digest the earlier previews that show shit blowing up and the Mandarin trying his best to make audiences forget that it's a white guy playing an Asian character. But today Marvel has released a more detailed trailer that offers some additional insight that can be best summed up in one word...backup!

Iron Man was the first Marvel movie to usher in the era of the Marvel movieverse. It set the tone for a long streak of awesome that would eventually culminate in Avengers. But Marvel says that shit was only Phase 1. This is Phase 2 bitches! And Phase II requires more than just one guy in an Iron Man suit for reasons that are too awesome for any trailer. While I'm not the most patient drunk in the world, I understand that awesome shit is worth waiting for. But still, May 3rd better hurry the fuck up and get here! Nuff said!

X-men #23 - Internationally Imported Awesome

X-men Regenesis has been like a long overdue enema. It feels uncomfortable as hell at first, but when you see all the shit that it clears out you wonder how you ever let it get that fucked up. Every X-men comic has benefited from Regenesis in some way. Few have benefited as greatly as Victor Gischler's adjectiveless X-men. His series was once the forgotten, abused, and readily ignored step-child of the X-books. It wasn't a bad book by any stretch, but it wasn't going to steal your attention and hold it in a death grip either. It was mediocre at best and forgetable at worst. X-men Regenesis changed that and it didn't need to use a vampire gimmick this time.

Gischler's X-book has always been sound on paper, much like the first script for Battlefield Earth. It's supposed to show the X-men interacting with the greater Marvel universe. It's done this, albeit with mixed results that can't quite compare to the depravity of Battlefield Earth. But X-men Regenesis gave it a fresh lease on life by actually setting up a team with which to associate the book. Storm takes the lead as she probably should have done from the beginning. You just aren't as likely to fuck with someone who can literally shoot a lightning bolt up your ass. Others such as Psylocke, Colossus, Domino, Warpath, and vampire Jubilee joined as well. It's the kind of team that has a unique identity, but are still distinctly X-men. Plus, they have a vampire in their ranks for crying out loud. You can't have a good X-book without catering to the tween crowd now can you?

The first arc of Regenesis style X-men has been a surprising dose of thrills, political intrigue, and giant robots. All are perfect ingredients for an X-book or a Michael Bay film, minus the $200 million budget. It started with a black market deal for sentinels that ended up in the hands of a small oddly named country of Puternicstan, who with the lead of a Hillary Clinton wannabe unleash their stolen sentinels on the equally oddly named country of Symkaria. Since the X-men like to involve themselves in all things sentinel (or they just see fighting robots as a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon), they get involved. Along the way, they cross paths with War Machine. At first he tells the X-men to back off. Storm, being a freakin' queen last I checked, smiles and nods before giving him the finger once he turns his back. They eventually cross paths again and start working together, but by then it was too late. Puternicstan launched their attack and the first pages of X-men #23 show Storm's team leading the charge to take them down before robot wars become too trendy.

The one setting this trend is the Hillary Clinton-esque governor of Puternicstan I mentioned earlier. She's shown to have bigger balls than all the candidates in the GOP (which I know may not be saying much, but you get the picture). She's actually bold enough to launch an attack with robots on their neighbor. Some might call that ballsy, but even those with penises have a problem with that. While she watches the X-men fight her sentinel army, one of her own generals tries to stop her. Apparently having a penis doesn't automatically make you okay with starting a war. Unfortunately, the governor's vagina is that much more powerful because she has her own people contain the traitorous bastard. Somewhere out there, radical feminists are masturbating to this scene. And I have no desire to deprive them so I'll simply shut up for a moment.

Done ladies? Okay, back to the X-men. They're also sort of iffy on the whole launching a robot war thing. In the last issue Warpath and Psylocke caught up with Domino, who managed to avoid being dissected and sold to necrophiliacs. With her help they manage to find a low level scientist that they hope can help them find the off switch for these sentinels. Because scientists in the Marvel universe have more brain cells than those in the Matrix or the Terminator universe. They actually go out of their way to ensure that their killer robots have off switches. I can only assume that scientists in certain fictional universes get drunk on the job more often than I do and that's why simple shit like this slips their mind.

They find out that there is in fact a central control area where they can end this shit. Unfortunately, the governor of Puternicstan has brains in addition to her vagina. So that means she has alarms go off when someone starts busting their way into the master control room. She ends up sending her security forces to go slow them down. It may sound like your typical throw-your-henchmen-at-the-heroes-to-be-humiliated type command, but she also hasn't forgotten that time is on her side. She's already launched the sentinels. Domino, Warpath, and Psylocke have no hope of getting backup from their friends. On top of that the sentinels do land a few lucky blows, namely against War Machine since he doesn't fight sentinels as often in his spare time. SO that screws up the X-men's mojo. So that means they need to find that off switch and find it fast.

While they're fighting their way through, the battle with Storm, Colossus, Jubilee, and War Machine continues taking some unexpected turns. Despite War Machine's inexperience in fighting robot mutant killers, he's able to pick himself up and salvage at least some of his dignity. A battle against the X-men and sentinels is rarely fair, but in a year where the Detroit fucking Lions made the playoffs it's not unheard of that unexpected twists emerge. You could argue that Jubilee, who isn't even a mutant anymore, hot wiring a sentinel and crashing it into the ground is novel. It adds to a beautifully organized battle scene in the skies that's much nicer to drool over than the bland Eastern European government buildings that the others are fighting in. But this only sets up another twist.

It's worth reminding that Victor Gischler was the one that turned Jubilee into a vampire. Pretty much every story surrounding Jubilee's vampirism has come from Gischler. Now say what you will about the decision to do this. Yeah, maybe Marvel was trying to appeal to the Twilight crowd without getting too gay. But Jubilee's character has taken on some amazing twists since she became a blood sucker. Her being a vampire has led to far more novel stories than her just being a mutant. That's my opinion and if you disagree than we can agree to disagree and share a bong hit. Except you have to buy the weed.

That said, when Jubilee crashes the sentinel she encounters someone unexpected. He's not someone who has any part in the whole Puternicstan conflict. He claims he's been watching Jubilee, presumably in the same way horny teenage girls watch Robert Pattinson take his shirt off on the beach through a pair of binoculars (or maybe that's just my ex-girlfriend). Who is this guy? It's not clear, but he does resemble a character that was introduced in a previous issue of Gischler's adjectiveless X-men. He was a vampire that Xavier encountered back in the day when he wasn't mind wiping students and imprisoning Danger. He claims that he can show Jubilee a whole new world. I'm sure that's code for "I'm getting in your panties tonight and there's nothing you can do about it." But whatever the subtext, Jubilee completely disappears after this scene.

She couldn't have picked a worse time to disappear either. By now the sentinels are swarming around Storm, Colossus, and War Machine. The governor of Puternicstan is trying to one-up Hillary Clinton and hit the X-men with a healthy dose of overkill. They start landing some lucky blows. Yes, even mindless robot killers can get lucky every now and then and not in a very fetish sounding way. Even Storm gets herself in trouble when one of the sentinels grabs her. Yet all this time War Machine is contributing absolutely nothing. For a crossover book, he's really not affecting much. He's just adding some guns to the fight, but who needs guns when you've got a guy with Juggernaut's power and a chick with lightning? He's basically an afterthought that really can't change the tide of this battle. Suddenly that off switch is sounding very appealing.

While this battle is going on, the others have fought their way to the master control room. The Hillary Clinton wannabe tries to stop them, but then Domino knocks her out by making her kiss the butt of her gun (not a lesbian joke). She had Domino captured. She knocks her out. Sounds fair. Then Psylocke is able to get in touch with Madison Jefferies back on Utopia, who helps her decipher the systems that the fine folk of Peternicstan have used to hijack the sentinels. If it's programmed like typical Eastern European hardware, I can only assume that the ability to use Windows Vista without pulling your hair out renders you overqualified for the task. Jefferies helps Psylocke enter the shut-down code and that's what ends the battle. It sounds a bit overly easy, but if you just wanted the X-men to destroy all the robots then you're just greedy. Despite the words of Gordon Gecko, that's just not good in this context.

But it doesn't stop with shutting down the sentinels. Once all is calm, the comic flashes forward a bit. We find out that War Machine actually does prove useful in some areas. He calls in some favors from his buddies at NATO to clean up the mess in Puternicstan. They also arrest the Hillary Clinton wannabe and put her on trail. It's not the flashy kind of heroics that you would see in Uncanny X-men or Wolverine and the X-men. It's treated like a security threat with law, lawyers, and governments. It's more exciting than it sounds and it succeeds in setting the tone for this book. I suppose even political junkies that watch C-SPAN need a comic to call their own these days.

But the mission isn't over. In fact, the stage was already set for the next conflict in this series several pages back. When Storm returns to Utopia, she reports to Cyclops that they looked everywhere and couldn't find Jubilee. I'm pretty sure that her running off with a mysterious boy that may or may not be trying to get into her pants is a concern, but her own well-being is probably just as great a concern. And Storm makes it clear that she's not going to consider her mission a success until she finds Jubilee. She's just that kind of woman and if that guy actually does manage to screw with Jubilee, then I'm sure Storm will see to it that Mother Nature renders him a eunuch.

Some may find this ending annoying. I, for one, enjoyed it and not because I tend to read my comics while I'm drunk. This first arc succeeded as the first arcs of Uncanny X-men and Wolverine and the X-men succeeded. It firmly established the theme of the series. From the beginning of the arc to the end, Gischler made clear that this was a unique brand of X-men. They take on the kind of security threats that could upset the ever so fragile order that the X-men kind of need. But this series set itself apart. Before everything with Puternicstan was resolved, the conflict for the next arc was set into motion. And wouldn't you know it? Vampire Jubilee, the same Vampire Jubilee that Gischler created with his first arc, is at the center of it. So not only is the plot for this arc resolved, but the conflict for the next arc has already begun. It's like a preview within an ending. It may confuse some, but if it doesn't get you excited for the next issue then you're either too high or just a dick.

Compared to recent arcs of adjectiveless X-men, this was by far the best. It was an improvement on every level. It wasn't perfect. I have a hard time placing it on the same level as Wolverine and the X-men or Uncanny X-men because those two books have an established tradition of awesome. X-men still has the baggage of mediocrity to overcome. It definitely made strides here. It was complete on some levels. These books are supposed to utilize the greater Marvel universe and War Machine was kind of lost in this issue. But the theme was still in place and Gischler made it work through a solid mix of politics, social commentary, and robots blowing up. That's basically a metaphor for X-men as a whole.

I'm really glad that this series has improved. When I first heard about this series, I was excited at the prospect of the X-men having a book solely dedicated to utilizing other characters from the Marvel universe. But that excitement was overshadowed by the quality X-books that completely outshined it like Uncanny X-Force and Schism. There was really little reason to follow this book, but Regenesis has made the most compelling argument yet for X-men fans to add this to their pull list. It has Storm leading the X-men, other Marvel heroes joining them, and the potential for more killer robots. Seriously, what more do you need? That's why I give X-men #23 a 4.5. It's back to basics with X-men. They fight killer robots and save misguided teenagers. So what if one of them is a vampire now? She's basically the best blood-sucker on the market until the next season of True Blood begins. Nuff said!

X-men #22 - Robot Politics Should Be This Awesome

The most I know about politics comes from when I watch Fox News while high. I can't watch it sober without vomiting uncontrollably so that means my understanding is going to be skewed. Since I read comics sober from time to time, some of that knowledge has to seep through so I can follow just what the hell is going on. Thankfully, Marvel doesn't get too convoluted whenever they do politically driven stories. It all comes down to what George Carlin described as a dick-measuring contest. One country or society questions the size of another country or society's dick. An argument ensues. Sometimes they have to whip out their gear to prove their point except in most instances that gear includes bombs and bullets. In Marvel comics, that often involves giant robots.

Robots are the proverbial dick metaphor in the latest arc of Victor Gischler's adjectiveless X-men. This series has been in need of an awesome enema for quite some time and it finally fells as though that vacant rectal cavity has been successfully filled. As part of the Regenesis relaunch, the X-men now have a new security team that consists of Storm, Warpath, Domino, Colossus, and vampire Jubilee. This new team's first mission involves rescuing Domino, who was in the process of spying on a black market sentinel deal for the fictional country of Puternicstan as it is in the midst of a dick measuring contest with Symkaria. Seeing as how Vladimir Putin is still rigging elections in Russia, that may be a prophecy of sorts.

Since this story is politically charged, War Machine has been involved. He spent much of the last issue warning Storm's team to get the fuck out of this conflict so that the competent governments of the world can handle this. I assume they needed superhuman powers to prevent themselves from laughing at that remark. By the end of the issue, War Machine found himself in the grip of a sentinel that had been reprogrammed to see anyone the governor of Puternicstan deemed an enemy. Well diplomacy pretty much goes out the window when you're facing the business end of a killer robot. X-men #22 begins by having the X-men save his ungrateful ass. And like the handsome douche-bag in every slasher movie, the sentinel gets shredded easily and War Machine stays in one piece.

War Machine does manage to salvage some dignity and helps the X-men finish off the sentinel. Meanwhile, Psylocke, Warpath, and Jubilee are still inside the main sentinel facility beating up some random masked guards, which would make them the slutty blond in slasher movies who usually gets killed second. They report to Storm that they have an army of killer robots ready to start fucking with them. They're dormant at the moment, but the X-men have slain enough sentinels to know that it's just a matter of time before they turn on and start shooting. Like Jason Vorhees and Michael Meyers, they can't be stopped and they only have a slightly less creepy face.

Watching this whole brawl unfold is the Hillary Clinton-esque governor of Puternicstan that was revealed to be the mastermind behind this whole plot in the last issue. While I would still say Clinton has bigger balls (and I'm still talking about Hillary here), she's proven to be as devious as any politician that Glenn Beck complains about. But she shows the same arrogance and pig-headedness as any world leader, comics or real life. She expected that one sentinel to fail. Even a bureaucrat isn't stupid enough to think a killer robot can stop a team of X-men that has been slaying killer robots since Herman Cain was just beginning to have affairs. Her focus is on Symkaria, the country that still claims a larger dick than theirs. She reasons that launching a full scale attack rather than politely telling them not to fuck with them anymore is a better move. It would also lure the X-men away. It's not without merit, but even watching Fox News while high makes you smart enough to understand why that's a shitty tactic.

Now at this point the story is starting to get predictable. We've seen sentinel plots before. They usually follow a formula that may or may not have been copied by Michael Bay. Crazy people get a hold of sentinels. Crazy people think sentinels are more powerful than they really are. Crazy people get their asses served to them on a platter at the end of the story. At the moment, the fine leaders of Puternicstan are falling right into that trap. There's still time to throw in a twist, but as it stands most experienced X-men readers can probably figure out where this is going.

There are already signs of a shift. Remember how Domino was about to become an extra in an alien autopsy porn parody? Well she woke up and decided that she doesn't like men in lab coats who think it's fun to dissect mutants. So armed with a scalpel at first and then again, she takes one of them hostage and in a few polite words asks him to show her just what the fuck is going on with a small country that thinks having an army of sentinels is a good idea. The man in the lab coat proceeds to wet himself. No, that's not a metaphor. He actually says that on panel. It's a nice bonus to show that just like in real life, arrogant rulers can still employ total pussies.

Once the X-men and War Machine are done beating up on the hapless sentinel that the Puternicstan governor threw to the wolves, they get a quick lesson on the effect that giant robots can have on geopolitics. On top of having an army of sentinels to deal with, War Machine reveals that this little skirmish has made other regional powers question the size of their own crotch bulge. Some of them also have nuclear weapons and they don't much appreciate some upstart tiny country showing that their bulge is as big as everyone else's. That means they may attempt the Dick Cheney solution and nuke this problem away, which in both comics and real life is just overkill.

Inside the sentinel army factory, Domino meets up with Warpath, Psylocke, and Jubilee. She brings with her the hapless scientist who pissed himself earlier. The plan is simple. Get this guy to relieve his bladder again while he tells them who is controlling the army of giant robots that are about to incur a nuclear nightmare. It's slightly unsimplified when said hapless scientist is bleeding and one of the X-men happens to be a vampire. This is the first time Jubilee's vampire status is highlighted and that's a nice touch in many ways. Gischler was the one who made Jubilee a vampire. She also happens to be a teenager so she's not going to be completely mature about it at times. Show me a teenage girl that can handle her biology and I'll show you a complete misunderstanding of every Stephanie Meyer novel ever written.

Jubilee doesn't get much chance to succumb to her vampire urges. The Hillary Clinton wannabe governor orders that every sentinel be activated and the attack on Symkaria begin. So now that poor scientist that Domino was holding at gunpoint probably lost control of both his bowels and his bladder. Jubilee and the others try to take out a few sentinels, but the stubborn laws of mathematics are working against them. This is exactly why I skipped algebra class in high school. Now the X-men don't even get a chance to confront the one pulling the strings. They're pretty much left on damage control yet again. It's another instance of the issue getting predictable, but given how nicely it's played out it's really hard to give too many damns about it.

Now an army of sentinels is on the loose. War Machine and the X-men were on their way to meet up with the others with the sole intent of stopping shit like this. Needless to day, that plan is deader than John Huntsman's presidential campaign. Now these sentinels are in the air, giving surrounding countries with nuclear warheads all the more reason to push the fancy red button. It puts the X-men and War Machine in a pretty tough position, but not as tough as you might think.

Keep in mind, Storm is part of this team. She's not just a competent leader who commands respect without having to bone Jean Grey or Emma Frost (although that would probably help). She's a badass weather witch that can sitck a typhoon up the collective asses of anyone stupid enough to launch an attack of killer robots. Robots are made of metal last I checked. Metal doesn't do well when it's hit by lightning and Storm is in a position to give the fine folk at Puternicstan a lesson in physics. It makes for a stunning moment that hints at the sheer level of ass-kicking that Storm is prepared to inflict in the next issue. If that doesn't provide enough incentive for X-men fans to follow along this arc, then Victor Gischler has a legal right to punch those fans in the stomach for being too demanding.

If you've been waiting a while to see Storm steal the show and hoard it like a hypochondriac hoards Lysol wipes, then this is your comic. After how nicely the previous issue turned out, I was a little nervous about reading this issue because this series has been so inconsistent since it began. It's had it's share of good issues, but those were usually followed by not-so-good issues that weren't terrible enough to make you drop the series yet not awesome enough to make you want to inject it into your vein along with your meth. Two usually doesn't qualify as a pattern, but in this case X-men #22 feels like the beginning of an overdue trend for this series. The issue and the overall arc is awesome and between the politics and the contribution of War Machine, there's a lot to love here.

The only shortcoming if you can call it that is the overly basic idea of using an army of sentinels. It's been done before, but not like this. It seems like it should have been done sooner, some rogue country taking some sentinels and reprogramming them to pay back the other countries that have made them their bitch. If these things were real, Poland would have an army of them in storage just in case. But the way in which the fine minds of Puternicstan go about formulating this plan seems a bit predictable. We know how this is going to end. An army of sentinels vs. a pissed off Storm? That's just not a fair fight. Not for any number of killer robots.

Even if it is predictable, it's still an enjoyable issue. It's not quite as flawless as the last issue since the arc is not finished yet, but Gischler is well on his way to making this issue the best arc he's done in this series to date. I certainly hope he builds on it. He kind of has to because there are so many other quality X-books on the racks at the moment. Since Marvel has become so liberal with it's cancellation policy lately, it's not a good idea to fall behind. So with the spirit of staying within spitting distance of other X-books, I give X-men #22 a 4.5 out of 5. Storm fans are probably foaming at the mouth as we speak. This is her moment to remind us why she's a force of nature not to be fucked with and I eagerly await the scars that painful reminder is sure to leave. Nuff said!

X-men #21 - International Incident (of Awesome)

There are very few things in this world that mixes well with politics. It's a standard law of the universe that if you really want to fuck something up, throw politics into it. It'll do more damage than inviting Charlie Sheen to your bachelor party. Politics fucks up with religion. It fucks up the economy. It fucks up society. So why wouldn't it fuck up comics? Well politics is like nitroglycerine. It doesn't take much to set it off, but if properly administered it can make the awesome explode off the page. Civil War proved this. So Marvel actually has some credibility when it comes to mixing politics with their books and after the events of X-men Schism, there ought to be some political undertones. I can only imagine the kind of rants Glenn Beck goes on when he discusses mutants. The drawings on his chalk board would probably make most people gouge their eyes out in disgust.

Victor Gischler's adjectiveless X-men kick started their new venture into Regenesis with a pretty solid issue. I gave it a 3.5 on this blog and made it clear somewhere within my drunken ramblings that it had the potential to be much better. Well X-men #21 must realize that potential as my attention span has been shredded by years of LSD use. It builds on a political conflict that was set up in the previous issue. It's not so convoluted that readers need a shot of adrenaline to follow it. The fictional countries of Latveria and Symkaria are in a dick-measuring contest over a region called Puternicstan. I don't even want to know how that's pronounced or what it refers to. I'll assume Marvel is making a poop joke of sorts. The X-men get involved when Domino discovers some of the dick-measurees jack a sentinel from the black market. Since they just experienced the business end of one too many sentinels during Schism, they have plenty of reasons to stop this shit before it starts.

This is the first mission for the X-men's new security team. Storm leads Colossus, Psylocke, Warpath, and Vampire Jubilee on a mission to locate Domino and unplug the sentinels. Along the way they encounter War Machine, who is acting as the dick measuring tool trying to keep the peace in the area before it turns into Saddam Hussain's old backyard. He tells them to back off. They don't. So they start fighting. At the end of the last issue, War Machine blasts Colossus a couple of football fields down. In the beginning of X-men #21, he returns the favor by ramming him in the back. That's perfect continuity right there folks!

A superhero slap fest always benefits the assholes behind the curtain. In this case that asshole also has breasts. In the previous issue, we were introduced to the governor of Puternicstan. She's basically Hillary Clinton if she became a dictator (which I'm sure is on her to-do list). She's the one that swiped the sentinel from the deal Domino eavesdropped on. She's also the one that ordered the attack on Domino that ended with her getting more roughed up than a stripper at Pacman Jones's bachelor party. She's now a prisoner and an asset because they're not out for using these sentinels for fighting mutants. I mean seriously. They're giant freakin' robots and they're a country surrounded by other asshole countries. Surely, even the government can come up with more creative ways of using them.

The prospect of a country hacking sentinel tech is pretty serious so it's a good thing that War Machine and the X-men decide to kiss and make up. It is a team-up series after all. It happens a bit abruptly though. After shooting at each other and beating the shit out of each other, now they're practically roommates in drug rehab. War Machine, despite being a more no-bullshit and non-pussy obsessed reflection of Iron Man, overlooks the many international laws the X-men are breaking and decides to work with them. It's not terribly contrived, but given how by-the-book War Machine usually is it seems somewhat glossed over.

The one getting screwed over most by this scuffle is Domino. She's supposed to be the lucky one yet she still wound up on the business end of a sentinel's wammo blast. And no, that's not a prison rape joke. The underpaid government scientists that retrieved her think she's dead. They describe how they're going to perform an autopsy, presumably after they loan her out to a few necrophiliacs. I'm sure there's a market for that in Europe somewhere. But while Domino wasn't lucky enough to avoid getting plastered in a way that doesn't involve Russian vodka, she does survive. That usually means the guys that want to cut her up are in deep shit.

With War Machine's help and Psylocke's telepathy, the X-men track down Domino's signature. They encounter the kind of random guards you would expect, the ones who always get their ass kicked in every superhero comic. It's a pretty standard flow of action so we'll take a moment to honor their sacrifice. It doesn't get dragged out more than it needs to because the X-men eventually find what their looking for.

Actually, I'm just fucking with you. Seriously, when does it ever go that smoothly? They find a whole fucking army of sentinels. And this after just one nearly killed Domino. This time the governor ditches the underpaid security guards and brings in her version of Seal Team 6. They're the same guys who managed to steal this tech in the first place and now they have it at their disposal. So it's really a much fairer fight than usual. It forces War Machine, Storm, and Colossus to try an air assault and hope NATO doesn't mistake them for weather balloons and try to cover up their wreckage.

While these fireworks are going off, Domino surprises her would-be morticians. She's not too fond of their eagerness to dissect her so she grabs a scalpel and plays the role of psycho bitch. She even manages to tie up one of the doctors. Now usually when a beautiful woman ties you up, that either means you paid extra or you're about to get screwed in all the wrong ways. In this case it's the latter because Domino breaks free and even takes their coffee as an extra fuck you. For someone who was nearly killed in the last issue, it's a great way to redeem her badassery.

All this action is being closely watched by Hillary Clinton wannabe from your standard observation deck. She actually goes into a little history surrounding this fictional country to show she's not quite as evil as Hillary Clinton. She was a little girl in a country that was essentially a whipping boy for other countries with bigger guns. Even Poland probably fucked them up a bit when they got bored. Well she decided that they weren't going to take that shit anymore. And who can blame her? What country wants to be the international equivalent of a semen encrusted sock underneath a 16-year-old boy's bed? Giant killer robots actually seems viable as twisted as that sounds.

Now some may think this background info is a useless waste of ink that could be otherwise utilized for more action scenes. But this is actually something Gischler hasn't done much of in the past. He's been good with providing style, but not a lot of substance. This is the kind of substance that may have saved Curse of the Mutants. It's overdue, but it was worth the wait!

It helps bring the next scene together in a perfectly harmonious way. As Storm, War Machine, and Colossus come in to aid Jubilee, Psylocke, and Warpath the sentinels are activated. This time they don't go on their usual 'destroy all mutants' schtick. Well, they do except their programming has been tweaked so that when they see War Machine, they think he's a mutant. Granted, there are probably mutants out there that look like men in a suit of armor, but it sets an ominous precedent. Now this country that's been everybody's bitch for so long has sentinels that will attack whoever they tell them to attack and that includes War Machine. So we've got a small robot versus a big robot. Unlike certain lies women say about penises, size does matter and War Machine is left in deep shit as the sentinels start to flex their muscle in preparation for the next issue.

Earlier in this review, I talked about unrealized potential. The last issue threw a lot of pieces into place, but this issue really brought them together in a way that even politics couldn't fuck up. It's not often I'm this impressed by Gischler's narrative, but I'm okay with saying he didn't just realize that potential. He made it his personal bitch. The political undertones with Puternicstan using the sentinels worked perfectly with the themes that were already set up in recent stories. It almost makes you wonder why some corrupt government didn't think of this sooner. It seems so obvious! Tweaking sentinels to attack non-mutants and testing it out on War Machine. Then again, anyone who has ever been ignored at the DMV knows corrupt governments aren't known for being proactive.

There was plenty of action and suspense to go around. Domino showed once again that she's more than a little lucky and not just because that uniform of her is able to contain her breasts. The X-men displayed a more subtle type of badassery as they attempted to rescue Domino only to find out they had yet another sentinel army to deal with. They did manage to make up with War Machine, albeit in an overly convenient sort of way. It was light on drama, but practical when you get right down to it. When killer robots are on the louse in a politically sensitive area, you really don't have time to be too elaborate. Gischler understood this and focused on setting the stage for another killer robot assault. I know it's been done before, but if it keeps working why change it?

This is the most complete issue of the adjectiveless X-men series in a long time. I knew Gischler was capable of this kind of awesome. He just never reached it. Well with this issue, he's made good on many promises and delivered the kind of story that you might not expect to be engaging on the surface but still is very enjoyable once you actually sit your ass down and read it. There's not much keeping it down other than some erratic pacing at times, but it still works in the end. That's why I give X-men #21 a 4.5 out of 5. You've proven yourself, Mr. Gischler! I know I already owe Kieron Gillen and Jason Aaron a lot of beers for their recent work. Don't worry! I'll make sure I save some for you when the time comes. Nuff said!