Whenever I consider the possibility that advanced aliens might be just like us, I have two reactions. First, I say outright that we’re fucked. If advanced aliens are anything like the race that created American Idol, reality TV, circumcision, and spray cheese in a can, then I think it’s safe to say we don’t stand a fucking chance and neither does the universe. My next reaction is usually if they’re like us, then that means there’s the distinct possibility of alien pussy.
It’s not a fetish. It’s just nature. Put a man in any exotic environment and after a few days, he’ll find a way to fuck something. For women, it may take a bit longer. But humans find a way. I imagine aliens may go about it differently, but if they’re at all like humans, then they’ll probably be just as kinky. That’s part of what I love about Guardians of the Galaxy. I know I haven’t reviewed an issue of this series on my blog yet, but Brian Michael Bendis reminded me of why they were awesome when he relaunched the series last year. I understood completely that it was done purely to help support the upcoming movie this August. But just because something is a shitty marketing gimmick doesn’t mean it can’t be awesome.
And now the Guardians of the Galaxy are making their way to another one of Bendis’s top projects, All New X-men. The Trial of Jean Grey officially began with All New X-men #22. And the final page brought the Guardians of the Galaxy into the mix. It sounds like a fucked up crossover that someone would only do on a bar bet after a few too many shots of vodka. But since this story involves the Shi’ar and an alien justice system, who is better equipped to deal with those complexities than a team that has a living tree and a raccoon with a machine gun? I mean it can’t be anymore fucked up than trying to get something through Congress.
It’s still momentous in that this is the first major crossover between these two teams. It also is the first time the O5 X-men get to work with real aliens. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before O5 Angel or O5 Iceman try to flirt with Angela or Gamora. They’re teenagers. There aren’t many things that won’t give them a boner at their age. That makes the prospects of them working together all the more appealing and Newsarama released a preview that also entertained the possibility of just how similar we are to aliens.
The Guardians of the Galaxy get a reminder of Earth when they cross paths with the All-New X-Men during the TRIAL OF JEAN GREY! When an alien race discovers that the original Jean Grey is back on Earth, they decide to hold her accountable for the acts of the Dark Phoenix, and it’s up to the Guardians to help the X-Men save her. You won’t want to miss the first encounter between two of the biggest franchises in the Marvel U!
I can so see myself as Peter Quill, getting drunk in an alien bar and looking for a hot alien chick who might be willing to see if our parts fit. And I can also see Gamora as being one of those women who will try to scare the shit out of me, but end up making me hornier. I can’t be the only one that finds dangerous women with green skin sexy. Hell, put her in Emma Frost’s clothes and my penis will be very happy.
But The Trial of Jean Grey isn’t going to be resolved in a bar, even if it probably should. Something still gives the Guardians a reason to help O5 Jean. Maybe it’s because they have a hot redhead on their team now that they know just how precious it is to save as many hot redheads as possible. That or they know that the Shi’ar’s brand of justice is right up there with North Korea’s in terms of how much it is lacking. There are plenty of possibilities and if alcohol and bars are involved, those possibilities can only be more awesome. Nuff said!