Sunday, July 12, 2015

Timely Reunion: A Sexy, Uncut Version of All-New X-men #39

If I had a chance to give Moses another commandment, I’d keep it simple. Thoust shalt not be a cock-block. There are a handful of people on this planet who deserve no sympathy. Most of them work at the DMV, Congress, or are traffic cops. But those who go out of their way to cock-block others, especially friends, deserve an adamantium coated boot in the ass.

Naturally, that kind of douche-baggery is second nature to someone like Hank McCoy. Ever since the events of Schism, he’s made it his personal mission to be the least likable character in comics who isn’t an agent for Hydra. It’s bad enough he went out of his way to bust Cyclops’ balls while offering no alternatives of any kind, never once stepping up to make the hard decisions and always looking for a moment to piss and moan about something. It’s not even enough that he achieved omega-level hypocrisy when he fucked with the timeline, putting way more than one world at risk when he brought the O5 X-men to the future. But he just had to enter his own special category of douche-baggery when he added cock-blocking to his resume.

Back during the Black Vortex story, a major X-men/Guardians of the Galaxy event that you people should totally read, O5 Cyclops reunited with his team after opting to hang out with his dad and be a space pirate for a while. As part of this reunion, he met up with O5 Jean Grey. It was awkward, as is often the case with teenagers.

But they still shared a very powerful moment that should remind X-men fans of all eras why Cyclops and Jean Grey are the most iconic couple in the history of X-men. It would’ve been even more powerful if O5 Beast hadn’t come in and cock-blocked them, thus giving me another reason to keep him on my shit list.

But what if O5 Beast hadn’t been such a total douche-bag? What if O5 Cyclops and O5 Jean Grey had a chance to actually confront each other and all these feelings that have been plaguing them since All-New X-men began? Well, by asking that question, I came up with another one of my sexy side-projects. It’s a short, simple one-shot that is essentially an uncut version of that juicy scene in All-New X-men #39. I call it Timely Reunion and for those who despise cock-blockers like Beast, I think you’ll enjoy it.

As always, I strongly encourage everyone to take the time to review. If anyone has any ideas for another sexy side-project, please don’t hesitate to share it. Get enough liquor and motivation in me, I’ll find a way to make it awesome. Nuff said!

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