My New Ipad and the Infinite Future

Every so often, a major shift in the industry and society comes along that gets young people more excited than free samples at a pot dispensary and old people more anxious than the thought of a black president (okay, bad example). I don't consider myself a real tech-head. The top-of-the-line technology for me is anything that allows me to view porn more efficiently. For that reason, I look at the internet and modern computers in the same way Moses looked at the Ten Commandments. It's the technology of the future and the present. It permeates are lives, so much so that it's damn near impossible to escape it. For some conspiracy theorists and doomsayers, that's more than enough reason to carve a survival cave into the mountains and audition for spots in the next episode of National Geographic's Doomsday Preppers. For me, I say bring on the new world order! I'm ready to be a slave to the new system!

This past week, a good deal of hype and a fair amount of pants shitting surrounded the launch of Avengers vs. X-men (and NOT another prelude). I reviewed the comic and I gave it high marks and not because I was high myself. It was a genuinely quality comic that began what promises to be another major comic book blockbuster event. But we've had those events before. They've come, gone, trilled, and disappointed fans for decades. But Avengers vs. X-men brought something new to the table, something I didn't mention in my review because I wasn't drunk enough to include it. That, and I wanted to give it its own post so we can fully appreciate what it entails. It's called Infinite Comics and despite a name that would make most anal-retentive physicists cringe (think Sheldon Cooper of the Big Bang Theory), it is a new format for comics that has the potential to be infinitely awesome.

It came in conjunction with Avengers vs. X-men. Marvel has been building this up as sort of a new way of presenting comics, like the DVD extras for a movie but with less snooty producers pretending as though explosions are some sort of artistic vision and more actual story that ties into the main plot. I admit I didn't know what the hell these things would entail when I heard about it. I kept thinking, "Infinite comics? What the fuck is that and who the fuck drank the last bottle of vodka?!" Marvel was somewhat vague on the details, but once I bought it through Comixology the full awesome of Infinite Comics hit me like a shot of peyote. Only instead of seeing talking cats and dancing bears, I saw the next level of comic book awesome.

The Phoenix. Destroying the print industry and giving rise to digital awesome. Epic win!

Infinite Comics, in its simplest form, is a comic made specifically for the digital format and not the printed page. That may not sound like much, but considering how the very nature of comic books haven't changed since the fucking Great Depression it's an overhaul that's more overdue Wesley Snipe's back taxes. Printing comics on pages is charming and simple, but let's face in the internet age where people want to carry all that content in their pockets with their iphones and condoms that's just not as appealing anymore. Infinite comics uses a richer kind of artwork that doesn't involve just scanning shit like anyone with a decent scanner and citizenship of a country with shitty copyright laws can do. It makes for smoother transitions, animation-like progression, and a unique sort of flow for the story that you just can't put on a page. I really can't describe it without a few hits of LSD, but it's something that's new and has the potential to be exceedingly awesome.

The first Infinite Comics was fairly short, but it did tell an important part of the Avengers vs. X-men story. In the first issue, Nova came crashing to Earth to warn the Avengers that the Phoenix was coming like Peter North in a three-way. The Infinite Comics story added more depth and detail to this journey. It showed him flying through space, racing towards the Earth with the Phoenix following close behind like a stalker ex-girlfriend armed with a video camera and crazy glue. It was a lot of inner monologue followed by incredible action that felt less like a comic and more like visions from another world unfolding in progressing panels. If there was any flaw in it, it was mostly that the story itself was too damn short. But it's the first of it's kind and it was awesome enough to give the readers so many reasons to hope and so many crazy shit to imagine.

Infinite Comics marks the potential beginning of a new world of comics. Even hardcore fans have to understand that print media is dying faster than the Zimbabwe economy. Even I find it difficult to keep boxes upon boxes of comics stacked in my closet. More often than not, it's just another hiding place for my weed. Almost all my new comics come in digitally. And just this past weekend, I bought myself an ipad. That's right! I'm now the proud owner of one of the best inventions for comics in history.

Okay, third best.

With my new ipad and the format offered by Infinite Comics, there are any number of ways Marvel can develop this platform. They could add sound effects. Imagine reading an Infinite Comic where when Wolverine is about to decapitate Sabretooth (again), you actually hear a 'snikt.' They could add graphics and motions as well without going through the trouble or cost of a motion comic. The first issue made the story feel like more animated. Just think of how much more awesome it could be if real animation could be incorporated.

The possibilities...so awesome.

It's an exciting time to be a comic book fan. Marvel has opened the door to a new method of conveying the awesome that comics can present. Just this past year, comics became day-and-date digital. Now something hew has entered the fray. What could it mean for the future? Well if a part-time stoner and drunk like me can imagine such wondrous possibilities, I'm sure the well-paid creative minds at Marvel can come up with something much better. The revolution has begun! I've seen the future and it is infinite. Thank you, Marvel. Now DC, time to get your act together and become the Android to Marvel's Apple! Nuff said.

Marvel's Digital ReEvolution And Why It's Awesome

I will go on record as saying nostalgia sucks. Whenever I hear people bitch and moan about how shit was so much better 10, 20, or 50 years ago I fantasize about them being crushed by a falling satellite. A part of me wants to say "Oh really? Well if the past was so fucking good why don't you ditch the internet, drive an old ass car, and watch only reruns on a 15-year-old non-HD TV?" Then the valium kicks in and I'm able to restrain myself.

Now don't get me wrong. I have a certain fondness for previous eras in comics. I loved the 90s despite all the gimmicks. I loved the 80s despite the shitty hair styles because comics like X-Factor, Spider-Man, Watchmen, and Return of the Dark Knight were great moments in the history of comics. But as the word implies, history is in the past. You can either bitch about it or move forward. And just this past weekend, Marvel showed off how they envision moving forward and sucking as much money from the wallets of fans in the process.

It's called Infinite Comics and according to CBR it's Marvel's new canvas for telling stories using their vast arsenal of big-breasted female heroes and the men in testicle augmenting spandex that love them. For the first time since someone got shit faced and thought it would be cool to tell a story using panels of pictures, the big wigs at Marvel got shit faced again and decided to ditch the classic print your shit on paper and send it fans via snail mail. It won't work like a page or some ancient shit like that. It's going to be specifically tailored to new mediums like smart phones, tablet computers, and the internet. In other words, it's using the futuristic tech that we've come to rely on and most likely will help Apple's ongoing plans for world domination.

It'll start with Marvel's big upcoming blockbuster, Avengers vs. X-men. The first of these all-digital stories will take place in the early parts of the event. From there, it'll presumably expand to whichever Marvel writer gets the editors drunk enough so they agree to the stories they want to tell. Gone will be the days of fanboys hanging out in comic shops, talking and/or complaining about the latest issue. They'll just be able to park their asses in a Starbucks, their parent's basement, or on the roof of their house so they can leech off their neighbor's wi-fi and download their dose of Marvel brand awesome on their tablet. Is it a brilliant, bold move? Well considering the current trends in technology and considering that Marvel and DC didn't embrace day-and-date digital comics until last year, I'd say it's only as brilliant as it is overdue.

I don't think my comic buying habits are the same as the vast majority of the comic market in the same way I know my drinking habits are only comparable with Irish dock workers. But day-and-date digital comics through companies like Comixology have become my primary method of buying comics. I don't buy single issues anymore. I only buy the graphic novels after they come out. I find that shit's easier to handle and store while also saving me the trouble of buying those big ass boxes that have been cluttering up my basement since the first George Bush was in office. Don't get me wrong. I love those books almost as much as I love spicy chicken wings and football. But they're cumbersome and digital comics have allowed me to carry an entire fucking library in the palm of my hand thanks to a phone. It's the kind of shit that makes me feel like I'm living in the age of Star Trek minus the hot alien chicks.

As such, I plan on being first in line to check out this new digital push. I also plan on following DC Comics closely to see if they do something in response because let's face it, like any business comics is a big dick-measuring contest. If Marvel finds a way to stretch theirs out a few inches longer, DC will look for a way to do it as well. Digital comics have the potential to tell different kinds of stories and distribute them in a different kind of way. Since an entire generation is growing up expecting all their shit to be beamed to their smart phones, it's best to get ahead of the curve to avoid having to hear that generation bitch more than they already will when they find out what our generation did to the environment, the Middle East, and Mexico.

So what can we make of this? What does this mean for the industry? Well I know my drunken opinion means precisely dick, but I'm all for it. I'm definitely for any means that would make comics easier to access through the internet or these fancy new devices that companies like Apple are throwing at us. I get that there will always be a place for paper books, but going back to what I said about nostalgia I think it's bullshit to not embrace future trends. Let's face it, the future isn't sheets of crushed up trees. The future is tablet computers and smart phones. Hell, we live in an age where a kid will sell his fucking kidney for an ipad. Whereas Marvel took their sweet fucking time bringing day and date digital comics to their library, they're at least trying to be proactive here with this new Infinite label.

I think this shit has real potential. Imagine a world where the stories you love are streamed effortlessly into your computer, phone, or tablet. Imagine a world where you don't have to stuff book cases with old, flimsy paper books that aren't even thick enough to hallow out so you can hide your weed inside them. I want to be part of that world! I want this new medium to expand and succeed! I hope Marvel finds more creative ways of making that $2.99 or $3.99 they charge for each issue more worth-while. Perhaps one day we can get a new Ultimate-style series that's completely online. Perhaps it'll be a series where we the fans can write in our comments right into the book or maybe even make our own thought bubbles that have characters like Wolverine commenting on how great Miss Marvel's ass looks.

I'm sure this is all just prelude. Maybe in the not-so-distant future there will be a day when companies like Marvel and DC can directly beam their stories right into the cortex of our brains so we can ditch the expensive electronic tablets in the first place. I'm pretty sure someone at Apple is saying to Tim Cook "I'm working as fast as I can, damn it!" But until that day comes, companies like Marvel are wise to take advantage of current tech trends the same way China takes advantage of cheap labor. We've got a wired world where paper just ain't gonna cut it anymore and while I have a feeling there will always be a place for books even in comics, I'm all for the digital revolution! So whatever comes of Marvel Infinite Comics or the digital ReEvolution, I'm not afraid to expose how old my ass is getting when I say beam me up, Quesada! Excelsior!

SDCC 2011 Update: Uncanny X-men and Wolverine and the X-men to go Day and Date Digital Release

Hey everybody! You know I wouldn't take time away from writing X-men Supreme, reviewing comics, and getting drunk unless I had some big fucking news to share with you all. As some of you may no, namely the ones that live under a fucking rock, the San Diego Comic Con is taking place this week. This is where fanboys get to be kings and girls can dress up in spandex and not be mistaken for a stripper. Every major comic company comes here to announce to the world why they've got the most awesome shit that you should buy. Every year there's been one particular announcement they've never made. It has nothing to do with X-men, reboots, rip-off characters, fanfiction, or selling your marriage to the fucking devil. It has to do with the basic act of actually getting these comics in the first place. Well that announcement has finally come!

Newsarama: Uncanny X-men and Wolverine and the X-men to go Day-and-Date Digital

That's not a misprint and I'm not stoned (for the most part). Marvel has jumped onto the bandwagon that DC has strapped a fucking rocket on and decided to make some of it's top titles day-and-date digital release. I'll repeat that just because it feels so damn good. Marvel is making Uncanny X-men and Wolverine and the X-men Day and Date digital release. Fuck, I need to change my pants again! But I don't care! This is the best news to come since a two-for-one deal at a Tijuana whore house. At last, my limited proximity to a comic shop shall never get in the way of me enjoying quality comic awesome! Praise Odin, Galactus, and hell even Mephisto! I'll praise any higher power I can because that's how excited I am about this news! It's a great day to be a comic fan and an X-men fan. Between this and DC's relaunch, computers are going to be even more important and not just because of porn content. If more details come in, I'll be sure to blog about them when I'm sober enough. Until then, feel free to run out in the streets and celebrate! I'll be waiting here, passed out drunk but ready to absorb this new generation of awesome!

Marvel Trying Same Day Digital Comics - Just Barely

We live in the digital age. The print medium is dying faster than a terminally ill cancer patient with full blown AIDS and a history of heavy meth use. Newspapers are dying and so are magazines. Most are trying to survive by adapting to the digital medium, providing their content online instead of in print. Naturally, you would think the comic industry would get in on the act and in some ways they have. Marvel Comics does offer an extensive library of comics online through a web based interface. But it's clumsy, clunky, and most of the content is old and dated. It takes months if not years for more contemporary comics to make it online and by then everybody has read the spoilers and there really isn't much point in getting them.

Fanboys of many types dream of being able to wake up on a Wednesday morning, log into the internet, and access their comic subscription the same way many newspaper subscribers can now access theirs. It would be the holy grail of comic fandom, allowing people who don't live near comic shops to access their subscriptions. It would also save many from the weekly rectal surgery that is waiting for subscriptions to arrive in the mail. This process has been agonizing for decades because the books almost never arrive on time. And in the age of spoilers, it's really redundant. That is, until now.

Marvel Announces Same Day Digital Trial

It seems Marvel is finally taking the step and offering same day digital comics. But there's a pretty big catch. They're only offering one (not a type) count em one comic. It's the Iron Man Annual and oh yeah...you can only access it if you have the Marvel app for the Ipad. Even though the Ipad has become the new holy grail of tech heads, there are only about 2 million out there right now and that's a pretty limited audience considering how few of those may be Marvel comic fans. They claim this is just a test run, but they're setting themselves up to fail right off the bat. There are far better tests they could do, but no. They have to be extra careful and by careful I mean willfully retarded.

It's the same story as the music business years ago. Everybody was getting their dick caught in a toaster because people were downloading songs illegally. They couldn't stop it because tech heads were always going to find a way. So what did they do? They made new avenues to download that same content legally through Itunes. Now Itunes is the biggest supplier of music in the world. They offer the same service Napster once did, only it's legal and the quality is better.

The same thing is going on with comics right now. Every week when new comics are released, those comics are scanned in scanners most anybody can pick up at a Best Buy and turned into a file format that people can read. They're easy to make, easy to distribute, and easy to share. They're never going to be stopped. Marvel can try suing the users and the distributes. It won't work. They'll just become about as beloved as the RIAA, who currently rank somewhere between the KKK and the Nazis in terms of fan support.

So here's a radical business model for Marvel and other comic companies. Instead of trying to fight these online comic distribution centers, why not one-up them the way Itunes did? Take the comics you create, put them into a new file format that's of a much higher quality than the bootlegs, and make them accessible through an Itunes-like program that they run on their end. Heck, since it's a comic they can still put in Google ads for extra money so they can still keep their sponsors. Like Itunes, they can charge a few bucks for each comic or a lump sum for a subscription or event. It's practically a guarantee that fans would line up in droves to subscribe (and more importantly fork over their hard earned money) to get this service. Now this may mean comic shops would go the same way as CD stores, but they could adapt as well by offering gift certificates or CD compilations of comics in addition to limited prints for the collectors.

It makes so much sense that a nutless monkey could think of it. This is the future whether Marvel likes it or not and this one tease is like a hot girl just showing half a nipple at a strip club that clearly says fully nude on the front. I personally would be willing to pay extra if it meant I could access all my comics on Wednesday morning from an online interface. It's clear Marvel, DC, Dynamite, and every other comic company want my money. I'm willing to give it to them too, but the subscriptions are a pain in the ass and there's only so much an ass like mine can take. Nuff said.