All New X-men #1 Cover Update - Mystery of the (non-Jean) Redhead

A while back a did a quick post on the recent release of the cover for All New X-men #1. There wasn't much to say about it. Okay, I may have been a little high and there's only so much shit we can derive from a cover, but it was definitely newsworthy because it offered a brief glimpse into the return of the Original Five. In addition, it was the first cover with Jean Grey that we can at least be somewhat sure isn't a fucking cock tease.

They still look pissed.

While my dick did thank Brian Bendis and Stuart Immonen, there has been a new twist to this story. A few days later, Marvel released a variant cover for All New X-men #1. It wasn't too surprising. In the original article it already hinted at this cover might be one of those comic jigsaw puzzles that fit together with other comics to make some big uber cover that later becomes a poster that fans like me put in the corner of their room so as not to obstruct the playboy pinups. I didn't do another blog post because it seemed pretty innocuous.

They also look pretty damn pissed and/or constipated.

It's a pretty basic team. It's the X-men's heavy hitters in Wolverine, Storm, Kitty Pryde, Iceman, Beast, and Rachel Grey. For a book like All New X-men where Brian Michael Bendis said outright that the Original Five would be interacting heavily with X-men's regulars it's to be expected. But then a few days later, Bendis threw in a twist that adds another piece to a puzzle that should be pretty basic.

See that redhead in the corner? The one that most normal, sober people would say is Rachel Grey sporting a mini-skirt that's a few inches too high? That's NOT Rachel Grey. Bendis actually confirmed this on his message board. That's not to say Rachel Grey isn't a major player. It's already been revealed that she's going to survive Avengers vs. X-men and remain a major player at the Jean Grey Institute. However, that girl on the cover isn't her.

Now when I heard this, my first logical conclusion was to assume I either had too much to drink or not enough. Once I ruled that possibility out, the synapses in my brain started working overtime. Who the fuck could that be? Some speculated it's Jessica Jones or Tabitha Smith. But Bendis has already said that's not the case. But how many other redheads associated with the X-men that dress in mini-skirts are there?

We don't know yet because Marvel isn't spilling the details this soon no matter how drunk the fans get or how fucked up their theories may be. But right now, the brain cells I haven't managed to kill have concluded that this may be a new version of Hope Summers. I've made my utter hatred of this character clear before. I'll go on record as saying that if she dies in Avengers vs. X-men, I'll be the first one to take a shit on her grave. But there's also a chance that old Jean rip-off may undergo a transformation in the final act of Avengers vs. X-men. There's an even more remote chance that the transformation will make her a character you don'[t feel the urge to punch in the face. But I learned long ago not to get my hopes up for shit like that. For all I know, this could be someone else entirely. Hell, maybe Emma Frost lost AvX and now has to walk around as a redhead as punishment. Or maybe Kid Omega had a sex change. In comics, pretty much all options are on the table.

So I'm opening up this den of drunken comic book fans to crazy theories and wild accusations. Who is this mysterious redhead and what are the chances she's somewhat less annoying than Hope Summers? Bendis has fans by the balls at the moment and it's only a matter of time before he starts squeezing. So why don't we all save our balls and our future children the trouble and figure it out before infertility sets in? Nuff said!