Brightest Day #24 - A Saga of Awesome Ends

Well it's finally here. A part of me has been excited and another part of me has been sad, so much so that my brain has split in two on numerous occasions. That is the power of Brightest Day. This amazing series from DC that has been unfolding over the course of a year has done the impossible with the same swagger that Donald Trump wears a hair piece, minus the massive douche-bag factor. I've reviewed every issue. I'm going to be honest. I didn't expect the series to ever come close to Blackest Night. I was drunk off a few shots of battery acid and vodka, assuming that I would follow the series for a while and then move on. I never expected it to hold my interest like a vice on my balls for the entire run, but it did. So here I am at the very end, ready to give my full assessment of the Brightest Day series. Given how many times it's blown my mind, I'm pretty sure I've brained my damage beyond repair.

Now I know I've been praising this series like it was written with the hairs of Natalie Portman's pussy. I've gone overboard many a times describing how the pages of this book couldn't be better if DC laced them with cocaine. Given how long I've followed this series, I understand I may be riding the bandwagon in a NASCAR race and expecting Jeff Gordon to be at the wheel. That doesn't mean I won't try to be objective here. I understand I can't let my love of the previous books completely influence how I review this book. But as with all my reviews, I try to be honest while not sounding more drunk than I already am. I've got some Jack Daniels in me so I should be okay.

Brightest Day #24 is the culmination of all the plots that have been coming together in the past few issues. Boston Brand has gone on a bit of a killing spree. Or more accurately, the White Lantern hijacked him and used him the same way OJ Simpson uses kitchen knives. In some very shocking moments, the lantern seemingly killed Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Aquaman, Martin Manhunter, and Firestorm. It seemed like a real dick move after some of them came back in Blackest Night. Then in the last issue, we found out that the White Lantern really wasn't such a massive dick cheese after all. It brought those slain heroes back, but made them more awesome. They took the form of elemental forces so they could take on this dark, evil creature that was giving Mother Nature some serious PMS. Then the final piece of the puzzle came into place. The new guardian of the White Lantern arose and it was one of DC's latest acquisitions, Swamp Thing.

It was a shocking yet novel move. I admit I don't know much about Swamp Thing other than he's from the swamp and he's a thing. However, I do know that DC recently acquired his rights as DC feasted on the slain entrails of Vertigo. If ever there was a stage for Swamp Thing to become awesome, it's Brightest Day. This issue starts with Swamp Thing taking on it's new Brightest Day uniform and showing what it can do. Even if it has a name that's as generic as vanilla ice cream, it can still kick ass.

For readers too lazy to use Wikipedia, the story of Swamp Thing and Alec Holland is explained by the White Lantern. What makes it a big deal is that at the moment, Swamp Thing doesn't think it's Alec Holland. It thinks it's Nekron. You know? That big evil super-douche who was behind the whole Blackest Night ordeal? And now he has control over a force that allows him to basically turn the planet into his own personal prison bitch. So yeah, it's pretty bad. It's up to Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Aquaman, Firestorm, and Martian Manhunter to slow him down so the White Lantern can carry out it's plan, which for once doesn't make it look like such a dick.

With Boston Brand wearing his White Lantern duds, he's supposed to bring Alec Holland back to life. That's way easier said than done because Swamp Thing/Nekron is having too much fun watching the Earth fuck itself. So Boston, Hawk, and Dove have to protect Alec until he gets over the whole being dead thing. Fucking things up even more is Digger, who was lead to the forest in the previous issue. Whether by poor impulse control or being a massive douche (or the White Lantern telling him), he throws his boomerang at Dove.

Since Boston has grown so close to Dove (and certain parts of her anatomy), he does what any badass guy with a boner for hot girls would do. He jumps in front of the boomerang and saves Dove. The price of saving a hot woman is his life, which he only got back at the end of Blackest Night. He shares a nice moment with Dove, but the White Lantern makes it clear. There's no coming back this time. He learned to appreciate life again and now the only appreciation he'll get will be from worms when they shit out his rotting flesh.

As Deadman dies (again), the white ring leaves his hand and goes for Alec Holland. He goes from being an unsightly corpse to looking as healthy as a man who just took a really good shit. He's obviously confused as hell. Being dead will do that to a man. Then the White Ring does the rest. It helps him become Swamp Thing again, telling him that the elementals of the Earth have been corrupted and the only way to uncorrupt them is to beat the everloving shit out of the Swamp Thing/Nekron hybrid.

What follows next is a fight so massive it covers several pages. This isn't one of those glossed over battles that just has two superpowered monsters slap each other a few times before one of them gives some lame-ass egotistical speech before falling to their knees faster than a hooker at Charlie Sheen's house. This is a battle between two elemental Swamp Things. One is Nekron's remains trying like MC Hammer to make a comeback. The other is Alec Holland, finally on a stage where he can be more awesome than he's been in decades. It's such a beautiful sight that you almost want to roll it up and snort cocaine with it.

I won't mince words. The fight is a metric fuck-ton of awesome. At first they seem evenly matched. You can't expect two giant swamp monsters to have much edge over one another. But Alec Holland has more weapons at his disposal in the form of the elementals formed by the other heroes. So suddenly the White Lantern's plan that "killed" them doesn't seem like a dick move. It seems like giving his side the winning edge. It's not like a receiver in football using stick-em to catch or batters in baseball shooting steroids in their asses. It's more like lining boxing gloves with barb wire and channeling his inner Rocky Balboa. With help from the elementals and a renewed sense of awesome, Alec Holland shows that there's only one Swamp Thing. He takes down Nekron in a way so badass that Stallone will likely try to copy it in his next movie.

Swamp Things victory seems like the final blow that will put a stop to all the bullshit that Nekron keeps trying to inflict despite being dead. However, not everybody is thrilled. Boston Brand is dead again. He doesn't get to enjoy seeing Swamp Thing take a nice dump on Nekron's ashes. He basically goes back to being Deadman again, just like he was before Blackest Night. He's understandably pissed, but there is a difference now. As a spirit, he can be seen by Dove. It allows them to share one last moment together and shows that the White Lantern, while it may be a dick at times can be halfway decent when it wants to.

While he gets used to being dead again, the heroes that made up the elementals get a reward for helping Swamp Thing. That means they get to be alive again. So the White Lantern never killed them. He just borrowed them. It's sort of like how Mexican gangs borrow out-of-work Mexican workers and make them work in slaughterhouses for pennies a day. So the White Lantern is still a dick, but at least they got to save the world. I'm pretty sure if it just asked them from the get go, it would have been a lot less messy. But that just wasn't douchy enough.

But there's a problem. One of them is missing. Hawkman is back amongst the living, but Hawkgirl is not. She's gone. This leaves Hawkman understandably pissed. If you recall, he and Hawkgirl were just about to bump uglies in ways that only porno movies can mimic before the White Lantern killed them. Well he's not going to get his chance with her. Swamp Thing says she's gone, but in a bit nicer way. She's still in the form of air, which means the only lover Hawkman will have is a bottle of lube and a sock. It's a sad moment in an otherwise triumphant victory. It adds more emotion into what has already been a pretty damn emotional story.

While Hawkman is lamenting over losing his girl yet again, Swamp Thing does yet another move of badassery. He uses his new connection with nature to heal the Earth better than an aspirin and a cup of coffee. So all over the planet, the damage done by Nekron is healed. So first Swamp Thing beat back another giant swamp monster. Then he healed the whole fucking planet. What have you done with your life today?

So Swamp Thing is back and more badass than ever. It has the White Lantern. It has some new street cred. It gives a nice hippie speech, saying that the world is going to need protection so guys like Nekron don't keep trying to fuck it with their slimy, pollution-filled dick. The White Lantern, douche or no douche, says it's work is done. The planet it safe. Deadman is still dead and pretty pissed. Hawkman still has to get used to the whole life thing without his girlfriend. But Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, and Firestorm are back so there's a lot of positives. It's not a fully happy ending, but it's not a downer either. It strikes the perfect balance, which is like trying to juggle hand grenades on a unicycle. For that, Geoff Johns deserves a freakin' metal and a three way with the last three Maxim cover models.

So the White Lantern is gone. The heroes can get back to their lives, whether they're fucked up or not. Aquaman reunites with Mera. It's not as emotional as their first reunion. There's no big kiss and they don't bump uglies like a couple of squids in heat. I'm assuming Mera is used to that shit by now. But they go for a nice walk on the beach while contemplating the future. J'onn meets up the old woman he met up with early in the series and they share a nice moment. He also removes some huge shard from her head, thus saving her life. Because that's how Martians roll. It's another nice moment that really caps off his story on a high note.

It's not so nice for Hawkman. To say he's pissed is like saying Bill Gates isn't broke. He lost the love of his many lives and he's not happy about it. He's going to need a hell of a lot of therapy as a result. So while the world is safe again, it's about as much consolation as a kick in the balls for him. It's a bit more complicated for Ronnie and Jason. They're still Firestorm and they're still not going to get along anytime soon. It takes a while for a guy to get over someone else killing his girlfriend (albeit while he was Nekron's many prison bitches). If that weren't enough, that warning Professor Stein gave them about them causing another big bang is back to haunt them. Their slap-fight with Anti-Monitor a few issues ago sort of fucked up their chemistry. Jason, having not slept through physics class, says they're going to detonate in 90 days. So all that peace they worked so hard for may go up in another big bang. So their story is not over. It's just getting more fucked up.

Last but not least, we get to see Swamp Thing take on his new role as a guardian. He's in the DC Universe and he's here to stay. So armed with his new powers, Alec Holland does what no politician dare contemplate and makes good on his word. He seeks out those who would do harm to the Earth and gives them the Tony Soprano treatment. And who would be worthy of such a wrath? Lex Luthor? Darkseid? Nope! How about a bunch of rich, corrupt businessman who were behind that oil spill that Aquaman cleaned up earlier in the series? That and they were illegally dumping their shit like drunk with diarrhea. So Swamp Thing tells them to cut that shit out in so many words. For anyone who gets pissed when they see politicians blowing big businessman with enough money for lobbyists, it's a beautiful thing. Environmentalists and hippies will be jerking off to this page for years.

However, it doesn't end there. DC isn't content with just finishing off an awesome story. It has to set the stage for new stories with new characters that they recently acquired from Vertigo. It turns out Swamp Thing isn't the only one joining DC's already lengthy list of characters. One other guy who got picked up is a fella named John Constantine. On the final page of one of DC's most memorable series, he makes his DC debut. It's the end of one thing and the beginning of something new. And it isn't tainted by Keanu Reeves's shitty acting. You couldn't ask for a more complete ending if the book had a built-in blow job toy. If this doesn't get you excited about DC comics again, pull the plug because the coma you're in has no hope.

So there you have it! It's over! Brightest Day is officially done! Excuse me while I pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs to the comic gods for ending such an amazing series. It certainly helps that the series ended on a truly awesome note. It didn't just tie up the loose ends from the rest of the series. It set the stage for a new round of stories. They may not be as big as Brightest Day or Blackest Night, but they're still pretty damn exciting. After following all these characters through such a twisted and emotional story, you can't help but be compelled to see where it goes. I'm sure it's part of some master marketing scheme by DC to extract more dollars from my wallet, but I don't mind being fucked like that so long as the fucking is awesome.

There's so much to love about this series. I would need several blogs just to digest it all. Making a broad assessment of this series is difficult, but I'll take a stab at it. It started right from the ashes of Blackest Night and it carried some of those ashes into the story. Using characters that don't always make the cover of top books, Geoff Johns weaved a truly amazing story together for 24 issues. It's amazing considering there are writers out there who can't even finish five issues in a fucking year (looking at YOU Jeph Loeb). To be able to deliver so much rich content on a biweekly basis is more than awesome. It's fucking Herculean. DC pulled out all the stops to make this series as compelling as Blackest Night and they damn well succeeded.

It wasn't perfect the whole way through. There were a few hiccups along the way. There were some in this issue, but they were minor. It's a bit of a drag that Deadman is...well, dead again. It seems like he's back to where he started before Blackest Night, but there were some differences this time. Others could see him and his character underwent many strong developments. So that's bearable. We didn't get a very touching reunion with Mera and Aquaman either, but having already had plenty it's not too distressing. Everything else from the writing, the dialog, the art, and the hints for future stories were top notch. Unless you want to be overly picky about every little thing, you can't call this comic flawed.

Brightest Day #24 was meant to bring an end to the Brightest Day series. Well it succeeded and did so on so many awesome levels. It has been an absolute pleasure following this series and offering my twisted reviews along the way. I think I exhausted all my boob and sex jokes describing how great this series was, but it was all worth it! This final issue gets a perfect 5 out of 5. It's the most satisfying comic series you'll read without reading it on the back of a supermodel's ass. DC comics has stepped up their game in a way that should leave Marvel quivering like a vegan in a slaughterhouse. If you're looking to get into DC comics again, this is a great place to start! Thanks Geoff Johns! Thanks DC! You guys kick every kind of ass! Nuff said.

Brightest Day #22 - Awesome on a Cosmic Level

A new issue of Brightest Day is out and you know what that means! As per my usual ritual when I get the next installment in this book, I strip naked and sacrifice a goat to the comic gods. Then I do my ceremonial dance that involves smoking some unidentified weed that grows in my sister's basement. Once I come to and find out where my clothes our, I come back here and post a full review of the awesome that is Brightest Day. The past few issues have been obscenely awesome to say the least. Their glory shines with the radiance of Natalie Portman's face, Jennifer Lopez's ass, Megan Fox's pussy, and Jenna Jameson's rack. It's become one of the best events in comics and sadly, it's almost over. There are only two issues left. TWO! There are more seasons of the Jersey Shore left, which in and of itself should be more tragic than fifty BP oil spills.

In these waning issues, everything has been coming together. Plots have been resolved, twists have been unraveled, and characters have been turned into worm shit. The White Lantern is basically acting out a Dr. Dre music video and popping caps in the asses of all the heroes it helped save in Blackest Night. The Hawks are gone. Aquaman turned to dust and just as he was about to get it on with a hot redhead! Then J'onn J'ozz met his end in the previous issue. Or did he? That's a small sliver of the awesomeness that Brightest Day has unleashed. There's still a bit of a mystery as to what the hell the White Lantern is doing. Did it just realize that life ain't all it's cracked up to be and feel like it needed to do these heroes a favor? Or is there a bigger plan at work?

At the end of the previous issue, J'onn J'ozz seemed to know something that Boston Brand didn't. If you recall, Boston has essentially been hijacked in a ways only Columbian cab driver could envy. He's basically been a meat puppet for the White Lantern to do it's bidding. In a sense that makes him the same as Snookie after she's had a few drinks...very susceptible to suggestion and easy to fuck with. However, J'onn didn't turn to dust when the White Lantern decided his mission was over and he needed to feed the worms again. He was essentially absorbed back into the ground the same way the Irish absorb alcohol. J'onn seemed to understand what the White Lantern was doing and like a drunk girl crying on your shoulder about how her daddy never loved her, he went with it.

That's another plot brought to an end, leaving very few left with only a few issues to work with. Brightest Day #22 revisits Firestorm, who hasn't shown up much in the last few issues. If you recall (and by recall I mean look at my former reviews or if you're a lazy douche wikipedia the damn thing) the two college-age frat rats that make up the Firestorm matrix, Ronnie and Jason, are up to their ears and shit. Part of it is because Jason is pissed at Ronnie for killing his girlfriend in Blackest Night. That's almost as bad as making a porno tape with her and broadcasting it on pay-per-view. Then Professor Stein, the guy behind the Firestorm matrix, revealed to them that their collective power was so volatile that it could cause another big bang capable of destroying the universe. I will repeat that. The entire safety of the universe was resting upon the shoulders of two college guys who haven't even learned to pay their own electric bill yet. That's like relying on George W. Bush to make a good impression for America. It's bound to end in disaster and possibly a few expensive and bloody wars.

So Ronnie and Jason had to get along. That lasted all but five minutes. They ended up getting into the super-powered equivalent of a bar brawl, which helped trigger the re-creation of the Black Lanterns. They ended up stealing the White Lantern and taking it to the anti-matter universe, but not without abducting Jason's father and Professor Stein. Now Firestorm is tuck in the anti-matter universe as well where he's been chilling while Boston Brand has been on it's killing spree, they've been stumbling around for answers like drunk trying to find his car keys when he realizes he's out of pretzels. In the same way this situation leads to a DWI and a few manslaughter charges, Firestorm ends up crossing paths with the Anti-Monitor. He looks like a golemn fucked Mount Rushmore. He's essentially DC's version of Galactus minus the naked guy in silver who hangs out with him. In other words, he's not quite as gay.

While Ronnie and Jason were sight-seeing, the Anti-Monitor has been busy making new friends in the Black Lanterns. These friends helped him use the White Lantern's life-creating force so he can consume a fresh universe. It's basically like giving a morbidly obese diabetic a magic machine that instantly forms chocolate cakes with a ball of melted butter at the center. Except with the Anti-Monitor, consuming all that shit won't give him a heart-attack and put him into diabetic shock. It'll just make him stronger. It's like steroids minus the shriveled testicles. Fortunately for the universe and Anti-Monitor's balls, the White Lantern fights back. It apparently doesn't like being used the same way Lindsey Lohan uses a line of cocaine.

This gives Ronnie and Jason a chance to set aside their differences and kicks. Unlike 99.999% of all college students in that situation, they're able to set aside an issue regarding a girlfriend and work together. They unload on the Anti-Monitor in a way Peter North would be proud of. The Black Lanterns see this and prepare to fight back with the Black Lantern Firestorm sounding like Keanu Reeves when he's off Ritalin. Ronnie and Jason don't just fly in guns blazing like it's an Iraqi bachelor party. There seems to be a plan with them and it involves forces that most who slept through chemistry class won't understand.

This leads to a creative little moment involving a giant match. No really. Firestorm forms a giant match in the Anti-Matter universe. You can't make this shit up without the appropriate dose of hallucinogenic mushrooms. I don't know what Geoff Johns was taking when he wrote this, but I want to know where I can get some! That giant match creates an explosion that blows up in the Anti-Monitor's face in a way akin MC Hammer's finances. It fucks up the Black Lanterns too, giving Firestorm the window he needs to grab the White Lantern and get away like Britney Spears at a rehab clinic.

The Anti-Monitor doesn't take kindly to his meal ticket being stolen so he and the Black Lanterns fight back. A universe eater may sound like all muscle, but you don't get that kind of power without having some semblance of intelligence. So rather than fight Firestorm, he saves himself a step and does the next best thing. He de-powers them by splitting up the Firestorm matrix. If only people thought that far ahead in real life then maybe we wouldn't have had to fight a second Iraq war.

So now Firestorm has been reduced to two whiney frat boys. The universe couldn't be in worse hands if you put Lawrence Taylor in a windowless room with a cute 15-year-old virgin. Deathstorm adds insult to injury, reminding Ronnie of how he was so heroic when he first died and now he's the equivalent of a kitten trying to avoid a bath. He's doing everything he can to piss Ronnie off, that way he and the rest of the Black Lanterns can feed on his emotions. This doesn't sit well with the Anti-Monitor, who just wants to chow down on some yummy universes. Something is very fucked up when he's the most sympathetic character in a scene. The guy wants to eat. Like a guy after a fresh joint, sometimes you just gotta eat! I'm with you, Anti-Monitor! Kindred spirits buddy!

The Black Lanterns are sick of dicking around. They're hungry too and for all the wrong reasons. Seriously, wouldn't it have been easier to just fuck up Ronnie and Jason's shit without the Anti-Monitor? Why does a universe-eating entity need to be involved? Either way, Deathstorm sets his sights on Jason. He threatens to turn him to dust the same way he did with his girlfriend. Well Ronnie finally feels that hero impulse again. It makes him jump out and protect Jason. This would be a very noble sacrifice, but then Professor Stein has to spoil it. Way to go Ronnie! When your teacher is more heroic than you and you're not even sleeping with him, you're pretty low in the pecking order!

All immature college frat jokes aside, what happens next is a very touching moment. Professor Stein is dying and Ronnie wants to save him. He can't go through the whole Brightest Day ordeal as the least heroic guy in that he bickered with Jason, he's somewhat responsible for killing Jason's girlfriend, he's reluctant to be a hero, and he whines like a baby when Deathstorm pulls the Black Lantern equivalent of the Jedi mind trick. Ironically, Anti-Monitor proves to be more likable again by shooting back at the Black Lanterns, who only seem interested in fucking with him when all he's trying to do is get a good meal. This gives Ronnie and Jason the window they need to be Firestorm again and try to save the professor before he pays Jason's girlfriend a one-way visit. And that's not a joke about hookers for once.

It turns into a solemn scene. As with the previous three issues of Brightest Day, death isn't avoided and this time it isn't by surprise. Professor Stein takes a moment to tell Ronnie that as a booze-hounding college student, he used the Firestorm matrix to be a hero when he could have used it to invade sorority houses and hold their panties for ransom. That says a lot about him even though Ronnie has been about as heroic as stoner who misplaced his weed throughout Brightest Day. He also gives a message to Jason, encouraging him and Ronnie to work together. They can be a better Firestorm (assuming they can overlook the whole Ronnie killing Jason's girlfriend at one point). With this final message, the Professor turns to dust and the Black Lanterns close in to finish the job.

So finally Ronnie is in a position to kick ass. He and Jason ban together and prepare to beat the entire Black Lantern Corps, something that took every hero in the DC Universe in Blackest Night. It would be by far the greatest act of badassery. They would have to walk around with a miniature kart to haul their massive balls around. It would be so fitting. Then once again, the White Lantern shows up to fuck everything up. Before Ronnie can even hulk out, Boston shows up with the lantern and wipes out Deathstorm and his minions in a single bright burst.

Wait...that's it? The Black Lanterns were damn near invincible in Blackest Night and they're taken out in a single page? This is usually the kind of fight that Geoff Johns can't resist stretching out for half an issue! And this is all he does with it? Have the lantern come in and end the fight before Ronnie even has a chance to redeem himself? It really disrupts the powerful moment that Ronnie just had with the Professor. He finally gets an opportunity to kick ass and someone else does it for him. It sort of misses the point and disrupts the rhythm of the story for the first time in many issues. The roller coaster of Brightest Day doesn't stall because of this, it does let out one of those ominous hissing sounds that's never comforting when you're going a hundred miles an hour in a loop while trying to keep your lunch for the last three days in your stomach.

When the light fades, Ronnie and Jason aren't chilling with Jesus, Greg Giraldo, and Michael Jackson. They're back in the same forest on Earth where J'onn J'ozz was absorbed like a sham wow stain. Not only that, the White Lantern took the liberty of tying up all the other loose ends. It returned Jason's father back to his home, presumably making it so he believed he just got drunk and had a bad dream that didn't involve giant bottles trying to spoon him (I can't be the only one that has that dream). It's the least douchy thing the White Lantern has done in the last few issues, but Ronnie isn't satisfied. He wants the White Lantern to bring back the Professor. It refuses. It says it has everything it needs. It's not clear what this entails, but then Deadman appears behind him and asks for the White Lantern. And by ask I mean he demands it because the world depends on it. Unlike the previous issues, Deadman isn't running scared or begging them to run away. He seems to know something now that he didn't know before. Is this because J'onn knew something too? It's really not clear, but it adds to the mystery yet again!

For the answers, we have to wait another freakin' issue! Not only that, it's the next to last issue! That's right. Brightest Day is almost over and somewhere out there, a hundred kittens are drowning over the sorrow of this news. There isn't much left to do. Pretty much every plot has been addressed and there are two issues left to bring it all home. If you've been following this series and that doesn't excite you, call a hospital immediately because either your heart has stopped or you never had one to begin with.

We're on the seven inning stretch! The two minute warning! And whatever the hell people do to get excited at the end of a soccer match! Brightest Day has been such an intense ride. It couldn't be more intense if you laced the pages with cocaine and every issue came with a free hit of meth. The final plot lines are coming together. Firestorm was one of the last remaining characters that the series had been following. His journey came to an end against the Anti-Monitor and the Black Lanterns. It was a battle on a cosmic scale after previous battles had been on personal and planetary scales. Yet the same kind of drama and heart were thrust into the story that makes you want to gush with feeling that your girlfriend always complains you never show. It's like male PMS minus the bloating.

There's a lot to love about this issue. It followed many of the same themes from the previous issues, but bumped up the scale with the Black Lanterns and the Anti-Monitor. It was such a powerful setting that the resolution was very weak by comparison. In the previous issues I didn't have anything to criticize at the end. This time is different. This time I do take issue with how quickly everything was resolved by the White Lantern. It was abrupt and underdeveloped, two words that I almost never use when reviewing a Geoff Johns comic. There was still the heart and emotion that makes Brightest Day such a pleasure, but the depth of the previous two issues just wasn't there. At the very least the issue ends without a dead body on the final page. There's also the promise of more mystery. The White Lantern has been going on this killing spree and now it's out of revived superheroes to kill. So what does that mean? That answer is still not clear and there are two issues left with which to bring it all together.

These minor flaws don't make Brightest Day less awesome as a whole. However, it does keep me from giving another perfect score to this issue. I know I've had a streak of perfect scores going for this comic. I wish it could continue, but the way the White Lantern finished everything within a page is too much for me to overlook. So I give Brightest Day #22 a final score of 4.5 out of 5. That half point is just for that one page. Everything else was flawless. With only two issues left, I may have to adjust my scale to adequately describe the awesome that Brightest Day is employing. I'll find some way to put it into words even if I have to exhaust every boob and ass joke in the English lexicon! Nuff said.

Brightest Day #21 - The Plot Thickens (With Awesome)

The light at the end of the tunnel is within sight and for once it's not because I smoked too much crack! That light is the end of Brightest Day. It's been building for over a year now and it's been an awesome ride. I liken it to being in a stretch limo with naked Playboy playmates while driving down the Las Vegas strip with Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan serve cocaine laced Krystal from bottles made out of diamond encrusted gold. I make no bones about it. Brightest Day is the best series DC has on the racks and ending it would make every subsequent day as tragic as the Kennedy assassination. However, this story was never set up to run ten years with multiple writers coming and going like hookers at Tiger Woods's hotel room. It's a series with a beginning, middle, and end. Geoff Johns has given us the beginning and middle, throwing in a few nerdgasms that will leave your dick lifeless and limp for a good three days. Now he's setting up the end and the nerdgasms just can't stop coming (metaphorically speaking).

The end has been marked by the White Lantern showing that it's kind of a douche. It has been the binding force of all these sub-plots involving Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Aquaman, Firestorm, Deadman, and the Martian Manhunter. Everyone has had their own pile of shit to deal with. Yet when they finally clean it up and spray a gallon of Febrise on the rug, the White Lantern shows up and says their mission is complete. Then it kills them. It doesn't apologize or show any regrets. It just turns them to dust. Even for a lantern, it's a dick thing to do. For Boston Brand, aka Deadman, it probably makes him wish he was dead again.

The last issue brought the Aquaman plot to a head. For anybody who thinks Aquaman is a sissy, they are hereby sentenced to be flogged with Courtney Love's pubic hairs in a public forum after reading Brightest Day #20. Aquaman didn't just beat back Black Manta and an invasion on the surface world. He turned Manta's bastard son against him, reunited with Mera, and lost his hand in the process. When all seemed over and Aquaman was looking to get freaky with Mera, the White Lantern showed up. Despite Deadman's urgings, it wasn't enough. The White Lantern offed Aquaman just as it did Hawkman and Hawkgirl. So yeah, it is a dick move and it now shows that everyone who came back in Blackest Night is in danger of being worm food again.

Brightest Day #21 continues from the ashes of the last two issues...literally. The Atom is investigating the death of Hawkman and Hawkgirl, presumably while trying hard not to puke micrograms of bile. The rest of DC's finest heroes are on the beaches of Miami, cleaning up the mess made by Black Manta's invasion (and presumably hitting a few clubs in between). They also meet up with Mera, who looks like she just watched a donkey show in Tijuana go horribly wrong. Batman suspects the White Lantern is trying to rationalize these acts in the same way Charlie Sheen rationalizes his ego. Before they can even look into this mystery, a shit ton of distress calls come in. It seems the White Lantern isn't content with just being a dick to the heroes it brought back and their loved ones. It has to be a massive shlong to the whole fucking world.

The next target appears to be J'onn J'ozz. A while back before the White Lantern was acting up, J'onn was on his own little mission. He searched for another surviving Martian and found D'kay, who happened to be the Lorena Bobbet of Martians. She went after J'onn like a fat woman on her period goes after chocolate. She invaded his mind and made him believe that he resurrected every lost soul on Mars. Then in the same breath, she had him relive the experience. Now I know the White Lantern is a dick and all, but that's just plain fucking cruel. J'onn has a very low tolerance for bullshit that is dumped on the memory of his people so he makes sure D'kay feels his pain.

D'kay tries to mind-fuck J'onn even more, which is like trying to date rape a woman at a convention for domestic abuse victims. Suddenly the White Lantern isn't quite as big a dick anymore. She taunts him by saying that while he was living in fantasy land, they got freaky Martian style and she's pregnant with his kid. This would be a great propaganda piece for the enemies of Planned Parenthood, but J'onn is no dumbass. He sees right through her bullshit like a guy who just caught his wife going down on the pool cleaning guy.

Now some may argue that the beat-down J'onn is giving this bitch boarders on excessive. Keep in mind this same bitch mind fucked him and pissed all over the graves of his people. So in this rare instance a good bitch-slapping is justified. The Martian version of bitch slapping involves using telepathy to make D'kay feel all the pain that others are feeling. Since Mars is dead, J'onn taps into the minds of the people of Earth. This is like hooking every brain cell up to 7 billion car batteries while active spark plugs are strapped to your nipples. This does more than just put D'kay in a world of hurt. It alerts J'onn to the trouble on Earth, which means for him that he has to speed up his bitch-slapping.

Rather than stay on Mars and subject D'kay to the kind of treatment that would get him blacklisted by Concerned Women for America and Amnesty International, he finishes the job in the most logical way a man in his position would. He throws her into the son. No, that's not a metaphor. That's actually what J'onn does. He flies D'kay to the sun and throws her in like a chicken leg in a deep fryer.

That's one way of dealing with a psycho-bitch that every man in the world can appreciate. It works for women who deal with douche-bag guys to so it's not completely misogynistic. Once he watches D'kay's Martian flesh burn away like Colin Powell's credibility, the White Lantern shows up. So while J'onn's treatment of D'kay may be a dick move to some, it's still minor leagues compared to the lantern. This time it doesn't immediately turn him to dust the moment his mission is complete. It tells him to choose between his worlds, Earth or Mars. Seeing as how one is a dead hunk of rock and the other is only dead in terms of chronic plagues of stupidity, the choice is pretty obvious.

J'onn returns to Earth in time to see what's causing all those distress calls that the Justice League was getting earlier. Apparently Mother Earth is having a bad case of PMS and taking it out on everything around her. She's spewing volcano, unleashing Earthquakes, and spreading storms that are ravaging entire cities. It's not the worst case of PMS ever documented, but it's still up there. Maybe if it threw in a few irrational screams about what a bitch her mother is and how the world doesn't understand her, then maybe it would crack the top ten. And that's a big maybe.

J'onn does what heroes do and starts saving lives. This from a guy who just relived the death of his planet and had to mingle with a alien psycho-bitch for way too long. It shows without a doubt that J'onn has a heart as big as his Martian balls and comic fans everywhere should kneel before them in the same way they kneel before Zod. The only one who doesn't find this sort of brazen heroism commendable is the White Lantern. Just as he's saving crying girls from a river of lava, it shows up along with Deadman. Just like Aquaman and the Hawks, Deadman pleads with J'onn to get away. But this time, something different happens.

In the last two stories, the White Lantern's victims were caught off guard in the same way a dog is caught off guard when he finds out he's been neutered. For J'onn, he's about as surprised as everyone was when they heard the news that Ricky Martin was gay. He senses what Deadman has been through and doesn't even try to avoid it. It may be mind-numbingly stupid, but it may also be another act that further proves the adamantium caliber toughness of J'onn's balls.

So with Deadman still as helpless as ever, J'onn accepts the White Lantern's plan whatever it may be. It doesn't turn him into dust. Instead when it strikes him, he's essentially absorbed into the Earth. And not in the way hippies pretend when they're doped up on LSD. J'onn is literally taken into the Earth and he looks very content doing so. It leads readers to wonder more about the White Lantern's plan. Is it really as simple as being a massive dick and killing the characters that came back in Blackest Night? Or is there more to it? There was a chance that this tactic could have lost it's punch after what happened to Aquaman and the Hawks. Now it's taken a slightly different twist. It's not so radical that it makes your head spin off your neck, but it's enough to make you wonder and start foaming at the mouth for the next issue.

It's another powerful issue, but powerful in a way that's different from the last two issues of Brightest Day. What happened with Aquaman and the Hawks really took a bat to the hearts of the readers because after all the struggles they went through, the White Lantern just dropped in and ended them. It's like putting down a dog right after he got his nuts back. This issue appealed to the whole mystery aspect of the White Lantern. It's clear this thing isn't on a murder spree akin to Jason Vorehees, randomly decapitating characters who decide to get naked at the wrong time. There's something deeper to this plan. Deadman sure doesn't know what it is, but J'onn seems to know and was okay with being part of it. That has all sorts of implications that require several hits of LSD to properly contemplate.

It's a minor shift. One could argue it's too minor to make this issue different enough from the previous issues. Whoever argues that is very close to being nit-picking on the level that a lousy boss fires his assistant for not filling his candy dish completely with red M&Ms. Then again, you have to nit-pick if you want to find something wrong with this issue. There really isn't much to criticize. Like the last two issues, the story is top notch and so is the art and dialog. This issue may not hit people as hard emotionally as the last two issues, but Brightest Day #21 definitely leaves an impact. It thickens the plot while completing yet another storyline that has been developing for many issues. It's hard to knock the book for doing what you expect it to do and doing it pretty damn well.

I'm not going to beat around the bush this time. Brightest Day #21 is a 5 out of 5. There's no question about it. This issue is the third in a row where the story has taken a dramatic turn and ended with an emotionally gripping finish. With so few plots left and only a few issues left, there are only so many pages left for Geoff Johns to work with. This series has been going on for over a year and in that time it's told an elaborate story. Now that story is coming to an end and the steps leading up to it are leaving the series with some of it's best moments. Blackest Night was a historic achievement for DC comics. It's difficult to contemplate how any series can compliment that kind of awesome. Well Brightest Day has done that and succeeded more than anyone could have expected. That more than anything makes this series extra awesome as the end draws near. Nuff said!

Brightest Day #19 - From Tragedy To Awesome

I know I made a big deal of Brightest Day #18 a few weeks ago and for good reason. I'm still picking up pieces of my brain off the floor after it was utterly blown away by that issue. The cleaning ladies I hired demanded overtime and my insurance is looking to sue me for claiming 'overdose on awesome' as a condition they covered. While my lawyer is sorting out this mess, Brightest Day #19 comes out with a herculean challenge ahead of it. Trying to follow up an issue like Brightest Day #18 is like trying to satisfy a woman who just had multiple orgasms with Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt. The expectations are high and it may not be possible to rise to the occasion. But limp dick jokes aside, Geoff Johns has done it before. Since the end of this series is in sight, no one should doubt his ability to do it again.

So what made the last issue so great? Well it literally had everything. Mystery, check. Romance, check. Epic fight, check. Beautiful women, check. Crazy parents that aren't Robert De Niro, check. Surprise ending, double check. The story that had been unfolding with Hawkman and Hawkgirl came to a close. They had been waging war against Hawkgirl's mother for several issues, breaking the curse that had doomed them for many lifetimes and having to travel through a gateway made out of the bones of their ancestors. And just when it looked like they were going to have a happy ending by getting down and dirty, Deadman showed up at the behest of the White Lantern. When Hawkman and Hawkgirl refused to live their lives separately, the ring did what seemed most reasonable. It killed them by turning them into dust. For comic fans of all types, this is like seeing the end of Old Yeller the first time. Except this time two heroes had to go through the trouble of saving the world and breaking a curse, only to get shafted at the end. It's tragic, but it yanks on your heart strings in a way that reads like side-effects for a Viagra commercial.

Beyond the epic ending of the issue, it revealed a startling and disturbing development with the White Lantern. Since the beginning of Brightest Day, it does seem to have a mind of it's own. It's brought people back to life and it's saved Boston Brand's ass on more than one occasion. After this stunt with the Hawks though, the White Lantern comes off as a hell of a douche. It brings two characters back to life, gives them a chance at happiness, and then kills them? You have to be a cosmic level dick to be okay with that.

Brightest Day #19 picks up with Boston Brand standing over the ashes of the Hawks. As expected, he's pretty pissed. He had no control over what the ring did. He's like some guy who got carjacked by a bunch of drunk teenagers and thrown into the trunk while they go on a joyride. When he demands that the White Lantern bring back Hawkman and Hawkgirl, it continues to be a dick by flat out saying no.

The White Lantern isn't completely smug about it although it comes off as callous as Dr. House when he breaks the news to a terminally ill cancer patient. It explains that the planet Earth has been slowly poisoned over time by mankind. I get the sense Greenpeace paid DC for that spread. However, the events of Blackest Night acted as a tipping point. It added the proverbial nitro to the glycerine and would create a dark avatar that would make Nekron look like every villain played by Sylvester Stallone. The heroes the ring brought back to life were to play a role in stopping this. Some already did their part. Others like Firestorm, Aquaman, and the Martian Manhunter have a tougher path ahead of them. Hawkman and Hawkgirl did their part and their life force had to be purified. Somehow that meant killing them. The White Lantern doesn't go into details. It's as vague as OJ Simpson's alibi.

Now usually when explanations like this are thrown into a story, it's hard for them not to be contrived. After a surprise ending in the last issue, some blanks have to be filled in. Otherwise it makes for a pretty shitty story. That may be okay in bad fanfiction or if your name is Jeph Loeb, but for a series like Brightest Day that's a no-no. For the most part, this explanation is workable. It doesn't fill in all the blanks and why should it? The mystery is still unfolding. One of the greatest challenges of this book was to give reason behind what happened to Hawkman and Hawkgirl. The reason is vague, but it's a reason that doesn't make you roll your eyes. For that, Geoff Johns succeeded. Some may be a little pissed, but I'm guessing those people already have anger issues so I'll give it a pass.

The White Lantern still comes off as a dick, saying Hawkman and Hawkgirls' death was necessary. I think Josef Stalin used that excuse a lot in his day as well. It also hinted that these two may not be the only heroes that fall. So like those drunks that threw Boston in the trunk of his car, the White Lantern takes him on another mission. He doesn't even get a chance to argue whether saving the world is worth being such a dick.

The next battle that seems to be coming to a head is the one Aquaman is caught up in. A number of issues ago, Aquaman recruited a new Aqualad. His name is Jackson and he's the bastard son of Black Manta. He hasn't exactly shown his stripes as a superhero. In fact when he first got his chance to man up, he turned into a colossal pussy worthy of the Octomom. His balls eventually descended somewhat. He agreed to follow Aquaman in fighting back against Black Manta's buddies, who are planning to wage war on all air breathers. He also gets nosy and asks Aquaman about Mera, the hot redhead he basically cast aside. Given that he's a teenager, it's only natural he would question a man's intelligence for casting aside a beautiful woman. Aquaman plays the stubborn role that Ashton Kutcher is so good at playing in his movies. It's all business and none of them have any idea that the White Lantern may be coming along to fuck them over.

They eventually find the conflict they're looking for. They get sucked into the equivalent of an underwater shit storm (which we assume is a million times worse in water) and are thrown to shore. The don't end up on some desolate island either. They fall ashore on a busy beach that's full of tourists, kids, and drunken college students on Spring Break. It seems only natural that this would be the first place that Black Manta's people would attack. If you've got a grudge against the air breathers, why not hit the place where they come to unwind and get laid? It's cruel, but appropriate.

So it's just Jackson and Aquaman against a full onslaught from the seas. It's about as fair a fight as pitting Betty White against Mike Tyson. So they channel their inner Rocky Balboa (gotta make up for the shot I took at Stallone earlier) and stand their ground. They've got some superhero mojo going for them and since this is a comic, they hold their own. After being such a pussy earlier, Jackson is learning fast. He's still annoying Aquaman with questions though. For an army like this to get through, someone had to rig the game Oceans Eleven style. Aquaman doesn't have the answer, but Deadman shows up in the distance with the White Lantern. So the readers know who's playing the role of George Clooney in this mess and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

The battle scene is well-developed. Aquaman does his part, but it's Jackson who shines. He's still making up for being such a pussy a few issues ago and he flexes his new powers in the same way Ben Rothlesburger flexes his drinking prowess at a college bar on ladies night. His balls keep descending and it turns out they're pretty solid. They're even solid enough to make him think he can go up against the leader of the attacking army, which happens to be a bitchy relative of Mera. She reminds the kid that a few days ago his life revolved around school, Facebook, and the Jersey Shore. He's got the heart of the hero, but a heart is useless if the brain is as underdeveloped as Zimbabwe.

Aquaman tries to help out when it looks like Jackson is standing up to the big bully before he's had a pep talk with Mr. T. He fights back against Siren as one would expect, showing slightly more skill than some teenager who just got his tights a few days ago. Siren responds by trying to psyche him out. She mentions Mera, the woman he was boning at the beginning of the series. She says that her people captured her and killed her with the same satisfaction an exterminator gets when he strangles a rat. Aquaman is understandably pissed. There aren't too many hot women that could toss his salad in the same way. So he gets the same look in his eye that Rick James gets when he enters a crack house. Then Black Manta shows up and fucks him up before he could channel his inner Rambo.

He's not subtle about it either. Manta cuts off Aquaman's hand. It may not be as surprising as Hawkman and Hawkgirl getting reduced to dust in the last issue, but a hero losing a limb is still a pretty big deal. If that weren't enough, Manta goes on to stab him. So let's recap. Aquaman finds out his girlfriend's relatives are douche-bags that are invading the surface world, he's babysitting a teenager who barely knows his dick from a supervillain, he finds out that the love of his life may have been butchered like a Thanksgiving turkey, his greatest enemy shows up and cuts off a hand, and then he get stabbed for good measure. So yeah, his day officially sucks worse than marketing team for the movie Battlefield Earth. He's wounded, humiliated, and on his knees and not in the Paris Hilton sort of way. He's basically in position to join the Hawks and Mera (assuming Siren wasn't bullshitting him). While the previous issue ended with a shocking death, this one ends with one hanging in the balance. It's not entirely the same, but different enough to be awesome on an epic level.

Going back to the initial challenge of following up an issue like Brightest Day #18, how would this measure up? Does it have all the same elements? Mystery, check. Action, check. Beautiful women, well Siren looks good in skin tight outfits so I'll give that a half-check. Romance, other than the mention of Mera that's another half-check. A surprise ending, double check! There's even some extra elements in this story like a new hero in Jackson who is still learning his right from his left. He doesn't just take up space either. He actually plays a role in the battle that he and Aquaman are fighting. It adds some appeal to the new Aqualad after he came off as such a wimp in past issues. The dialog and the art are still top notch and there's a lot of suspense building up. After the White Lantern took out the Hawks, it didn't say that others wouldn't suffer the same fate. We don't know yet if Aquaman will follow suit and we're left digging our nails into our spline in anticipation.

Now in all the time I've been reading comics, I've come to dread issues that follow up from others that were so good. When the bar is set so high, it's rare that a comic measures up. There were times that I actually wished that an issue wasn't quite so good because it set the series up for a downgrade. I was content with consistency rather than one good issue followed by several shitty issues. Brightest Day has been like that rare unicorn that shits diamond encrusted gold ingots. When a good issue comes along, it's usually followed up with one that's just as top notch. Brightest Day #19 had a big act to follow. History was not on it's side, but it kicked history in the balls and measured up.

Now I wouldn't go so far as to say that the impact of this issue was as intense as the previous issue. Two characters died in the last issue. You can't do that every issue. Marvel tried that with Ultimatum and it sucked worse than Lindsey Lohan on a bender in Tijuana. Geoff Johns didn't try to match that impact. Instead, he built on the suspense by making the reader wonder who else the White Lantern will decide must be purified in the same way that Nazis sought to purify the human race. It won't leave the reader with the same wow factor. Some may even read this comic and criticize it as a setup issue or loaded with filler. In some ways this issue is filler, but it's the good kind. It's like the cheese and hot sauce stacked between the meat and bun of a bacon burger from Five Guys. If this issue is setup, it set up the next big moment pretty damn well.

Brightest Day #19 did everything it needed to in order to continue from the previous issue at the same awesome level. I could not find too many flaws with it. The whole story went along smoothly while building upon an already intense storyline. For that I'm left to give Brightest Day #19 a 5 out of 5. I know I give a lot of perfect scores to Brightest Day, but I wouldn't give them if the series didn't deserve it. Brightest Day earns every bit of praise and blow-job metaphors that I give it. This series is awesome and if you only read one DC comic a month, this is your best bet for quality awesome. Nuff said!

Brightest Day #18 - Heartbreakingly Awesome

As anyone who got too drunk at a party to think straight knows, when you shake up a beer can to build up pressure it's bound to get messy when you try and open it. Depending on how drunk you are, this will either embarrass you or you'll get a cheap laugh and wait until the pictures hit Facebook to be embarrassed. Brightest Day has been like that in a sense, minus the whole getting sprayed with beer before passing out on your best friend's kitchen table and using an uneaten cake as a pillow. The past few issues have pushed the series back towards what made it saw awesome to begin with. It's also been building a number of plots that have been unfolding erratically through many books, shaking that proverbial can to the point where the can may explode Mythbusters style without the assistance of C4.

The central source of the entire Brightest Day saga is the White Lantern. This decorative piece of decor has been the driving force behind the stories that have been unfolding in Brightest Day. It hasn't always been clear how it affects each plot. At times the damn thing is so esoteric it might as well be an opposing viewpoint of teenage sexuality in a Stephanie Meyer novel. However, Geoff Johns has made it a point to remind readers that this thing is the pimp and all the other characters are the hos in the grand scheme of things.

The last issue marked an important development for the White Lantern. Rather than lay around and look pretty, the damn thing started charging like an Energizer Bunny commercial. Boston Brand, who is still trying to get used to the whole living concept again, was re-connecting with his past. He paid his 94-year-old grandfather a visit and had a Hallmark worthy moment that gave pussy boners to anyone who read it. Then towards the end while giving his grandpappy a ride on his motorcycle (not innuendo for a Catholic Priest mind you), the white ring that hasn't left his hand since the first issue started charging. He didn't plug it in or anything. It just started charging. I'm pretty sure if something starts charging itself when it isn't plugged in, then it's either signs of a haunting or someone was lucky enough to get their hands on Apples latest gizmo to charge their i-toys.

Brightest Day #18 opens up with a somewhat random scene. Captain Cold and Digger are beating the shit out of each other. We can only assume they're drunk, someone lost a bet, or the internet is down and they've lost their pipe-line of free viagra ads and porn. It's not completely meaningless though. It's a reminder that there were a lot of characters that came back to life after Blackest Night. Not all of them have had a plot in Brightest Day, but they are still somehow connected to the White Lantern in the same way Hippies are connected with LSD.

The White Lantern is the topic of conversation for more than just pissed off villains. Picking up directly from the final page of the last issue, Deadman is still with his Grandfather and looking at his fancy new ring as it keeps charging. He calls Dove, the hot chick he managed to get into bed a few issues ago, and gave her a quick rundown of what happened. It's sort of an indirect way of summarizing the last issue, but as Boston is talking other plots of Brightest Day are cited. Mera shows up, who has been MIA since Aquaman told her to piss off when her family tried to kill him. The Black Lantern Firestorm shows up, who still has the White Lantern as a result of Ronnie and Jason's bickering from the Firestorm arc. All is connected to the White Lantern and Deadman laments that he has that feeling that all men get when their girlfriends drag them to Twilight movies. The next few hours are going to suck and someone is going to die.

Then we get a glimpse of the plot going on with the Hawks. And this time, it isn't just some random scene to remind readers that it hasn't been resolved yet. In the last issue, Hawkman and Hawkgirl teamed up with the Star Sapphires to stop Hawkgirl's mother from fucking the entire realm of Zamaron with her hawk army. It may very well be the single worst instance of a girl introducing her boyfriend to her mother in the history of the universe. That and Hawkgirl's mother pretty much sealed her nomination for worst mother of the year next to Britney Spears and the Octomom.

What happened in the last issue is Mama Hawk fought her way to the lantern that powers the Star Sapphires. Once there she found this enchanted predator which is kind of like a Unicorn if it fucked the aliens from Independence Day. That beast is an entity of Love (likely one that draws it's powers from Hugh Grant movies) and now it's playing magic needle to Hawkmama's Lance Armstrong. That means Hawkgirl not only has to fight her own mother. She has to fight her mother while she's doped up on some magic superbeing. There isn't enough therapy in the universe to work through that shit.

Mama Hawk shows she knows how to wield the power of love better than Hugh Hefner at a shelter for blonds with daddy issues. She not only uses her powers to encase the Star Sapphires in...a sapphire (okay, so having cosmic powers doesn't boost creativity). She uses it to beat down Hawkman, likely fulfilling the fantasy of every mother whose daughter brought home a guy who reeked of booze, STDs, and police records. She reminds Hawkman that when they killed Hath Set in an earlier issue, they broke the curse that had him and Hawkgirl getting reincarnated again and again. So if they die this time, they don't get reincarnated. It's like being on the last level of Contra with no lives left with only one sliver of energy left. You know your fucked, but you keep playing.

Mama Hawk forgot one tidbit though. Since that curse is broken, that means she only has one life left as well. Sure, she has the power of a lantern going for her. But seriously, when has that ever been able to hold off the grim reaper? To make it even more humiliating, her own daughter is the one that delivered the death blow. It's the ultimate temper tantrum that if utilized in real life, could earn any teenage girl a new convertible and unlimited dates with Lawrence Taylor.

When Mama Hawk is hit, the whole scheme starts to unravel. Remember the portal she used to get to Zamaron? You know, the one made up of all the bones of Hawkman's and Hawkgirl's past lives? Well, it turns out even dead people don't like being made into a gateway to a realm that's driven by the same force that drives Robert Pattinson's acting career. So once control over the lantern and Mama Hawk is broken, those dead bones are free to take out their frustrations over being dead on her.

As a result, Mama Hawk is more screwed than an underage Japanese school girl in a den of tentacle monsters. The army of dead hawks pull her back into the Sapphire Lantern where she'll likely be forced to relive ever zombie movie ever made. She begs her daughter to help her, but even Dr. Phil couldn't mend the rift with this family anymore. You just don't come back after cursing your daughter to endless cycles of birth, death, and heartbreak and using the dead bones of her ancestors to make a fancy door. It may make mother's day a real drag, but at least Hawkgirl will save money on cards from now on.

While Hawkman and Hawkgirl and relishing in Mama Hawk's suffering, they get a message from the White Lantern. To this point their story has had next to no connection with the White Lantern aside from some momentary flash on Hawkworld. Now the White Lantern is sending them a message and it isn't you've got mail. It says they're mission, whatever the hell it was, is accomplished. You would think seeing Mama Hawk getting carried away kicking and screaming by the bones of dead ancestors sent enough of a message.

They're both understandably confused and so are the Star Sapphires. But since there's nothing left in Zamaron to destroy, Star Sapphire agrees to send Hawkman and Hawkgirl home. For her, the power of their love was enough to defeat Mama Hawk. It sends a message to every teenage girl and boy in the world. If your love is strong enough, it will kill your parents. Great message, DC!

While they're mission is ending, the focus moves back to Deadman and Dove. Dove had to cut class, using the old my-boyfriend-is-having-a-problem-with-his-magic-ring excuse. She heads over to meet up with Boston, who is still with his grandfather. Unfortunately, she must have stayed to flirt with her professor because by the time she gets there the ring is fully charged. Once charged, Deadman becomes glowing Deadman and the ring does the equivalent of throwing Boston into the trunk of his car and then taking him on a joyride through downtown Detroit.

While he's as confused as a baby in a titty bar, Hawkman and Hawkgirl are transported back to the same museum they started out in. It's where they were when Blackest Night began. It's where they were when Brightest Day began. So now that they're back, what do they do? Well they're in love and just killed Hawkgirl's mother so they do what anybody would do. They start to get down and dirty on the floor, ready to get it on in a way that earn them a guest spot in HBO's next season of True Blood.

It's beautiful and tender, the kind of love that isn't pornographic enough for comics, movies, and TV shows to use out of fear that it might actually trigger some emotion from the audience. Anyone who has been following comics in the past 10 years knows that the only idea comic companies can manage for couples in love is to either break them up, taint their love, or make a deal with the devil. Ask Spider-Man and Mary Jane or Cyclops and Jean Grey just how well love stories in comics turn out.

Before they can show any tits or ass, Deadman shows up to cock-block them. He's still just along for the ride. The White Lantern is controlling everything. They're looking at him like he's a creepy pervert hiding in a closet trying to get a peak. Then he points the white ring at them and sends them a message the essentially boils down to "This is ain't no Asian Massage Parlor. So no happy endings, motherfucker."

Then it happens. Hawkman and Hawkgirl resist the will of the White Lantern, which is a lot less understanding than even Mama Hawk. If they won't listen and live their lives separately, then they won't live at all. They essentially have to choose between life or love. Since love is so hopelessly irrational, they choose love. So the White Lantern, like Larry King's prenups, screws them over and reduces them to dust.

That's right. The White Lantern is not only being the asshole this time. It didn't even have the decency to let Hawkman and Hawkgirl squeeze in a quickie before it killed them. Worst of all, Deadman couldn't do shit about it. He's still locked in the trunk of that proverbial car, yet he was still able to see as that car ran two people over who just escaped from the wrath of Hawkgirl's mother and just wanted to get a little humping done before fate caught up to them. The White Lantern wouldn't even grant them that. It's a powerful ending. It's like Dorthy dying at the end of the Wizard of Oz. There's nothing uplifting about it. Hawkman and Hawkgirl succeeded. Then the White Lantern killed them. It's by far one of the most powerful moments in Brightest Day thus yet. If your heart is hardened by decades of MacDonalds and MTV and you didn't shed a tear when Deadman reunited with his grandfather in the last issue, you sure as hell felt something here. If you didn't, then go back to your Satantic rituals and sacrifice a goat because this shit is deep. Rather than being a source of salvation, the White Lantern is becoming somewhat of a douche and it's a douche Boston no longer has control over.

In terms of endings, this is by far the best yet in the Brightest Day series. Few issues or comics for that matter hit you in all those fuzzy feeling areas that several decades of bad TV has conditioned us to suppress. Unless your the mayor of Philadelphia and agree with the whole wussification of America stance, you'll feel the impact of this story. It essentially brings a dramatic end to one of the major stories that Brightest Day has been developing since the beginning. Since the end of this series is in sight, some of these plots are going to come to en end. The Hawks was just one of those plots and while it's not exactly fitting, it's pretty damn profound.

For some it may seem underhanded. Hawkman and Hawkgirl go through all the trouble of revealing the curse that has plagued them since before Brightest Day began, only to be snuffed out in the end. It goes back to that whole anti-Disney shit where there's no happily ever after. It may rub some people the wrong way because the dosage for Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil only goes so high. However, a happy ending wouldn't have had the same impact that this one did. Hawkman and Hawkgirl having to choose between life and love is a powerful moment. Not everybody is going to like their choice, especially after their struggle against Mama Hawk was written so well. But like it or not, the impact is undeniable and was masterfully done.

Now I'm of the mind that killing characters is never a good thing. It's not clear if the White Lantern killed Hawkman and Hawkgirl, but it has definitely done something to tear them apart. It's the first time the White Lantern has really made a serious impact on the many plots that Brightest Day has been juggling. By touching on the other plots with Firestorm and Mera, there's a greater sense of unity with this issue. It's the kind of unity that hippies sing about and that Coke Cola does commercials about. Aside from conflicting feelings with the end, it's a perfectly developed comic from every angle.

I really can't find much else to complain about and I'm the kind of guy who stands in line to complain in the airport about luggage I haven't lost yet. That alone should show just how awesome Brightest Day #18 is. I can give it no less than a 5 out of 5. If anyone out there even has the slightest appreciation for DC comics or comics in general, you'll pick this issue up and learn to feel again. Fuck all those MTV ads and macho movie messages! This shit will make you feel in all the right ways! Nuff said.