Showing posts with label Extraordinary X-men 1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Extraordinary X-men 1. Show all posts

Monday, November 9, 2015

Extraordinarily Lacking: Extraordinary X-men #1

The following is my review of Extraordinary X-men #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.


In nearly every episode of Mythbusters, we're told that if it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. This might apply certain things in life like vacations, fireworks, and kittens. However, it should not be applied to aspects of life like Big Macs, makeup, and tequila. By this same logic, it shouldn't be applied to a new flagship X-men series.

From 2005 to 2012, the entire narrative of the X-men centered around the mutant race being sterilized and pushed to extinction. It took a major crossover event, a cosmic force, and Tony Stark shooting things with giant guns to finally resolve that situation. That alone should relegate such a narrative to stories involving alternate universes and Stephen King novels, at least for a while.

However, Jeff Lemire is out to prove that this narrative can still work in the context of Extraordinary X-men, which has been billed as the new alpha dog of the X-men comics. The timing couldn't be worse for such a narrative. It would be like trying to sell playoff tickets to Detroit Lions fans. In terms of progression, the X-men have barely emerged from the post-extinction world of M-Day. Yet here they are, facing more extinction and more sterilization, courtesy of the Inhumans. On top of that, this comes at a time when conspiracy theories of secret fight clubs between Marvel and Fox are rampant.

Despite these timing and circumstances, Lemire makes the case in Extraordinary X-men #1 that this narrative can work and this story is worth telling. However, his case is lacking in terms of evidence and witnesses. That’s not to say that every judge short of Judge Judy would hand down a guilty verdict. At worst, the case would be branded a mistrial. At best, it would be labeled a trailer for this new era of X-men.

While there are a lot of missing details, the circumstances are made abundantly clear. The mutant race is at a new low and for once, it didn’t involve killer robots, evil clones, or the Scarlet Witch going crazy. It’s very bad. That notion is thoroughly reinforced. This isn’t just people protesting mutants as crimes against nature. One Million Moms does that every time a woman on TV wears a skirt above her knees. This is a world where governments and militaries now see mutants less as a menace and more as target practice.

This new attitude didn’t come out of a vacuum either, nor did it emerge from scare tactics funded by the Koch brothers. The Terrigen Mists that give Inhumans their powers are having a negative effect on mutants. On top of that, these mists are spreading a plague called M-pox. And even Charles Xavier would admit that peaceful protests only go so far when plagues are involved. All the understanding means little when someone is vomiting up their lungs.

It forces the X-men to set aside their usual struggle for peace and understanding in lieu of survival. This process involves rescuing mutants being attacked by government-sponsored lynch mobs and taking them to a place called X-Haven, a mysterious domain where the X-men have constructed a new institute that is somehow safe from the Terrigen Mists.

But where did X-Haven come from? Where did this plague come from? And why is everyone blaming Cyclops for the crisis? These are all very important, very relevant questions. However, the lack of answers and even the lack of hints to those answers make the story difficult to follow. Extraordinary X-men #1 exploits the 8-month gap after Secret Wars in ways big banks exploit tax loopholes.

So much transpires off-panel that it’s hard to appreciate what’s happening on-panel. It requires readers to make assumptions and as a century of tabloid press has proven, readers are terrible at making assumptions.

As readers, we’re left to assume that Cyclops went full-on Dr. Doom in unleashing the Terrigen Mist. We’re left to assume that Teen Jean Grey decided to completely abandon the X-men and her friends in favor of attending college lectures. We’re left to assume that Colossus prefers plowing fields and drinking vodka to helping the X-men. There’s no context or circumstance. And absent that, it creates a narrative that feels like just another mutant extinction plot that isn’t really different from the one that just ended three years ago.

While the abundance of plot holes and assumptions severely weaken the narrative of Extraordinary X-men #1, it’s also a saving grace of sorts in that it conveys those holes as potential. For the events that don’t occur off-panel, there’s enough intrigue to make the story interesting. Despite its shortcomings, the story does effectively set up the new sets of challenges that the X-men face. While it’s more teaser than tale, it captures the right themes.

In addition, the characterization is believable and concise. Storm, Iceman, Nightcrawler, and Iceman really shine in their roles. Lemire gives them a distinct voice that helps convey the dire circumstances in which the X-men must operate. Even Teen Jean, despite her dismissive reaction, eventually finds a familiar voice. Being a teenager might be a valid excuse, but like ignorance of the law on traffic tickets, it’s an excuse that only goes so far.

Overall, Extraordinary X-men #1 serves as a foundation of sorts for the X-men moving forward. However, it’s a foundation with a lot of cracks. Even by making the most generous assumptions, this narrative fails to prove that’s it’s somehow more compelling than M-Day. In some respects, it feels like a regression for the X-men, Cyclops, and mutants as a whole.

Even so, this story still has the potential to rectify itself. It’s too early to render a final ruling on this new era in X-men. It has strong elements and a strong supporting cast. It might not win over fans that are sick of mutant extinction stories. But as the success of the Simpsons has proven, it is possible to make overdone themes work.

Final Score: 5 out of 10

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Extraordinary X-men #1: Nuff Said!

There's no way around it. Mutants are fucked. Thanks to Disney, movie rights, and Bryan Singer, we can safely assume that Marvel's main mission moving forward will be to fuck over the mutant race in ways even the IRS would find excessive. They survived Secret Wars, but just in time for the Disney-owned Inhumans to kick their asses. They're going extinct...again. They've been sterilized...again. Someone hand me a flip phone because this feels like 2005 again. Jeff Lemire has been given the keys to this shitty Buick of a franchise and is expected to make it awesome in Extraordinary X-men #1. Not saying it's impossible. I'm just saying he's playing with house money in a casino owned by a meth head version of Joe Pesci.


Storm knows the odds. She knows how fucked the X-men and the mutant race are. She laments from behind a desk at how fucked they are. She says the X-men have lost everything, including Cyclops somehow. Not sure what the fuck that means, but if he’s more fucked over than he already was, then what hope is there for mutants?

As she’s musing over this, it looks like for a moment that she’s talking to Charles Xavier. But don’t worry. Nothing THAT fucked up happened during the 8-month gap. Xavier is still dead. The Xavier she’s talking to is all in her head. Usually, that’s a sign of someone losing their shit. Given how fucked mutants and the X-men are, I think Storm deserves a pass here.


As for Magik, she doesn’t need no stinkin’ pass. She’s got magic, a nice rack, and a big ass sword. That’s more than enough to take on an army of mutant-hating gunmen in India. Hell, that’s enough to get in Hugh Hefner’s will these days. There’s more subtle hints at what mutants are doing to everyone. Apparently, now they think that mutants spread disease. Granted, only the innocent mutant girl looks sick, but when has that ever stopped bigoted assholes before? To be fair, Magik does give them a chance to be reasonable. She then makes it clear she’s as reasonable as a pissed off teenage girl can be.


She teleports the girl away to safety just as the asshole bigots try to solve this problem with machine guns. It doesn’t work in Apocalypse Now. It doesn’t work here either. While I would’ve loved to see Magik give every one of these assholes a proctology exam with her sword, she opts to save the scared mutant girl. She might be a pissed off teenage girl, but she’s a pissed off teenage girl with a heart, which is more than I can say for 95 percent of the girls I graduated high school with.


But where exactly did Magik take her? Where is it still safe for mutants to wake up in the morning and not worry about angry asshole bigots attacking them with machine guns? That’s something else that isn’t answered. The Jean Grey Institute is still there, but now it’s in some place called X-Haven. Where the fuck is X-Haven? I have no fucking clue. It’s not on Google Maps or Craigstlist. It might not even be on Earth. But I don’t see any asshole bigots armed with machine guns so I’m guessing it’s still an upgrade for most mutants.


So while all these mutants are suffering, what’s O5 Jean Grey up to? She’s attending a fucking lecture. Now I’ve got nothing against higher education, but she’s one of the most powerful mutants on the planet and she’s listening to college professors bitch about rich people? Seriously, does taking a break from the X-men mean being a callous bitch? I want to have sympathy for her. I really do. But this is someone who can’t stop hugging people. And she’s going to just shrug her shoulders at the current state of mutants?


She tries to make excuses. She claims something happened to Cyclops that fucked her up so much that she would rather attending boring lectures than be an X-man. We don’t know what the fuck it was, which makes it pretty hard to even fake sympathy. Then, Storm lets O5 Jean read her mind and she sees for herself just how fucked they are. It’s not enough that everybody hates mutants and are using them for target practice. But the Terrigen Mist that’s killing them is also sterilizing them. Somewhere out there, Wanda Maximoff is rolling her eyes and sighing in relief.


But O5 Jean isn’t the only one who apparently doesn’t give enough fucks anymore about mutants. Colossus also decided to ditch the X-men and the mutant race to work on a farm. That’s actually a lot more respectable than attending boring college lectures so I’m not going to give him the same crap I gave O5 Jean.

He’s had a busy day plowing fields in ways rap lyrics have ruined over the years. Then Magik shows up. There’s a nice little reunion. There’s still not much anger or animosity between them, which was addressed in Uncanny X-men #600 anyhow, albeit poorly. But he’s generally aware of what Storm is doing with X-Haven and doesn’t give enough of a fuck to help. He just reveals that at some point, the Terrigen Mists started fucking up mutants and Beast is working on a cure. He’s still an asshole, but at least he’s trying, which is more than I can say for Colossus.


There’s a nice, lengthy chat about their history as a family. There’s even vodka involved. How can any family chat not be made more awesome with vodka? But as nice as it is, Magik says the X-men need him. Things with mutants are just too fucked to NOT have someone as strong as him. Eventually, Colossus agrees. That or he’s out of vodka. I’m going to just assume he was low on vodka.


So is there any MIA X-man who is actually doing more than sitting on their ass? Well, Nightcrawler is at least trying to be productive. He’s caught up in some battle against a bunch of demonic creatures. It looks like a shitty level of World of Warcraft, but it is by far the most action this story has managed. We don’t know who these assholes are or why Nightcrawler insists on fighting them while reciting bible verses. I’m guessing he watched the Charlie Brown Christmas Special one too many times or something. We don’t even get any hints were. We just know Nightcrawler gets his ass kicked and that’s about it.


Back with O5 Jean, she still needs to be convinced to ditch boring college lectures and join the X-men. Seriously, if you have to be convinced to do shit like that, then being a disillusioned teenager just isn’t enough of an excuse. She rightly points out that staying in the X-men means she’s going to die multiple times. I feel like someone should point out that she’ll die by boredom if she stays in college, but I guess that goes without saying.

She’s still reluctant. Storm and Iceman are very close to saying “fuck it!” Then, O5 Jean finally relents. She finally accepts that the risk of multiple deaths is worth not having to sit through another shitty college lecture. She doesn’t flat out agree to join the team, but she does say that she has picked up on a few things that might help.


One of those things is a cantankerous, wrinkled old holdover from Battleworld. But it happens to be one of the best parts of Battleworld that doesn’t involve Ultron fighting zombies. That’s right, it’s Old Man Logan. He’s now stuck in 616 and he’s choosing to pass the time fighting Sentinels. Personally, I’m surprised he’s not getting plastered in every bar in Canada, but I guess this is how he stays sharp in his old age. When Storm confronts him, it’s a beautiful thing. But fuck if it still leaves a lot of unanswered questions.


So...is it awesome?

Well, if you're a Cyclops fan, fuck no. This issue might as well be an omen on par with the Pacific Ocean turning to blood. This new era of X-men is going to SUCK for Cyclops. Having him kill Xavier was bad enough. Now, he's basically a bipolar Magneto on crack and off his meds. At least, that's the impression that's conveyed here. It's so bad that O5 Jean decided to say, "fuck it!" and leave. It seems fitting that with Wolverine dead, Marvel needs someone else to screw over and Cyclops is the odd man out.

Beyond Cyclops fans, this issue has its moments. And by moments, I mean a whole lot of "What the fuck is going on here?" I've blacked out before. I've woken up in strange places and unknown zip codes. But I've never blacked out for 8 fucking months so there's a lot of missing information here. Without that information, it's really hard to understand the state of the X-men. We're just left to assume they really are that fucked. And sadly, that seems like a pretty safe assumption.

Final Score: 5 out of 10