Monday, July 8, 2013

The Ashes of the Past, the Phoenix of Idealism: "All New X-Men #13"

The following is my review of  All New X-men #13, which was posted on PopMatters.com.


All New X-men as a concept sounds like it shouldn’t work as a series. Having the Original Five X-men come from the past to see what they’ve become sounds more like a gimmick that would blow some minds, get some humorous reactions, and generally ignore every lesson the Back to the Future movies have taught us. Yet somehow Brian Michael Bendis has taken that concept and turned it into one of the best X-men titles in Marvel’s catalog. It’s a book where readers can reconnect with a group of X-men that represent the purest incarnation of Charles Xavier’s dream.

It’s easy to be jaded about the real world in this day and age. It has definitely shown in comics. For over a decade, the X-men comics have been less about Charles Xavier’s dream and more about fitting the X-men into the greater Marvel universe. That has had some share of benefits, but it has also created a whole generation of comic book fans that don’t know what the X-men are supposed to represent. And the return of the Original Five X-men has provided a solid reminder of what X-men is all about. It may sound more corny than Superman telling kids to eat their vegetables, but All New X-Men nicely captures what the X-men are at their core while exposing the X-men to a world where idealism is uncool and hope is exceedingly fragile.

After so many revelations have undermined those ideals, it’s easy to forget that the Original Five still have to be X-men. That means going after mutants like Mystique, who decide to use their powers to go on a crime spree. All New X-men #13 marks the first real mission the Original Five have gone on with the X-men of the present. And if working with Wolverine isn’t difficult enough, they also have to keep processing a long list of distressing revelations that have been bombarding them at every turn. It’s like getting a flood of emails with no spam filter.

But part of what makes All New X-men such a quality book is how Brian Michael Bendis deals with these reactions. He doesn’t gloss over them so he can get right to the part where the X-men fight giant robots. He takes the time to provide clear transitional details that link one issue to the next. In the previous issue, Cyclops encountered a brother he never thought he would see again while dealing with Angel leaving the team. In this issue both he and his team react to that revelation and they carry it as a burden into this mission. And Bendis writes in a way that you can’t help but feel for these burgeoning X-men because the teenage brain isn’t meant to process so much in such a short period. Most teenagers struggle to process algebra what the Original Five are dealing with isn’t graded on a curve.


This is once again demonstrated through Jean Grey, who has had to process a lot more than the others throughout this series and not just because she found out she died on multiple occasions. In order to carry out their mission, she has to learn basic telepathic tricks like preventing the authorities from picking up on their location while they track Mystique’s location. Those sorts of skills are so common with other telepaths that it’s easy to forget that such skills have to be learned. And once again, Jean’s inexperience shows when she slips up and puts the team in danger yet again. It’s downright clumsy and a recurring theme in this series. And while there is an element of humor, the recurring nature of such scenes is not done just for laughs. Even though Jean Grey has been dead in the X-men comics for nearly a decade, Brian Michael Bendis has done enough with this series to make readers care about her again. And this issue gives readers yet another reason.

The drama between the characters are so paramount in this issue that the mission to find Mystique is almost secondary. Bendis doesn’t just explore the events that have taken place in this series. He also addresses issues that have arisen in other Marvel titles, namely Uncanny Avengers #5. This issue apparently takes place shortly after Havok gave his now-infamous speech about the so-called “M-Word”. It leads to a very poignant moment in the book where Kitty Pryde relates using such labels to being Jewish. It comes off as very personal and perhaps that’s because Bendis himself is Jewish. In addition, it marks a clear difference between how this group of X-men are trying to deal with these issues and how the Uncanny Avengers are trying to deal with it. This divide, which has also manifested in more recent issues of Uncanny Avengers as well, vastly complicates the ideals that the Original Five X-men embody. Now Charles Xavier’s dream has become a debate on semantics and no Danger Room training could ever prepare them for that.

So many complicated issues end up making the battle against Mystique and her team an afterthought. At least in this issue it is revealed that she had bigger plans than just stealing lots of money and those plans involved making a deal with Hydra. It’s still a shallow plan, but one that puts Jean Grey and Lady Mastermind in the same room. That sets the stage for a somewhat predictable confrontation that fans of the Chris Claremont’s Dark Phoenix Saga should remember well. Those same fans are probably giddy about the next issue already, but some fans may groan at the prospect of more stories involving the Phoenix Force.

The lack of action and suspense may dissuade some, but that is not the kind of story All New X-men has set up. This series offers a unique perspective on the entire concept of mutants. Through the eyes of the Original Five, the idealism embodied in Charles Xavier’s dream clashes head on with harsh real-world circumstances. And that clash is what makes All New X-men #13 and the entire concept of the series one of the most compelling comics in recent memory.

Final Score: 9 out of 10

Friday, July 5, 2013

X-men Supreme Issue 78: The Lotus and the Warrior is LIVE!


It's summer already Marvel comics has released some big name summer blockbusters. As such, it's only fair that the X-men Supreme fanfiction series follow suit. Later this month, The Wolverine will be released in theaters. The movie will center around a series of famous Wolverine stories that took place in Japan, which were penned back in the 1980s by Frank Miller and Chris Claremont. At the end of X-men Superme Issue 77: Meeting of the Minds, I set my own little story for Wolverine to follow in the Land of the Rising Sun. That story will be a major three-point arc that will fundementally change Wolverine as he moves forward in the X-men Supreme fanfiction series.

There are a lot of elements surrounding Wolverine's connection to Japan from the comics, just as I'm sure there will be plenty from the movies. I intend to do the same with the X-men Supreme fanfiction series, but like I've done with other famous X-men stories like the Phoenix Saga, I intend to put a unique twist on this famous plot. I wanted Wolverine's Japanese story to unfold alongside the movie. I feel like this is a good time for such a story since I've been focusing on new characters and new plot elements in X-men Supreme lately. And in addition to this classic story element for Wolverine, I'll be introducing another familiar character to the world of X-men Supreme that should make many X-men fans very happy.

Today, Elizabeth "Betsy" Braddock, aka Psylocke, makes her debut in X-men Supreme. She's one of the X-men's most powerful and popular X-woman. She's gone through some body swapping over the years, but she has endeared herself to X-men fans with her ninjitsu skills and telepathy. Whether she's part of the main team in Uncanny X-men or part of a covert team like Uncanny X-Force, she knows how to leave her mark in the world of X-men. That's why I'm very excited to introduce her to the world of X-men Supreme. Expect big things from her and from Wolverine and it all begins with this new arc, The Lotus and the Warrior!

X-men Supreme Issue 78: The Lotus and the Warrior Part 1

And in keeping with my efforts to update the pics section more regularly, I've managed to acquire a few more images to add to the ever popular X-Ladies archive. It's no secret that the women of the X-men are very easy on the eyes so I don't mind in the slightest providing more glorious imargery for X-men fans to enjoy. This time I added a healthy dose of pics to the Emma Frost section. Enjoy!

Emma Frost Pics

Phoenix Pics

With a classic X-men story about one of the most popular characters in X-men, there's a lot to enjoy about this latest arc from X-men Supreme. I've actually gotten a number of emails from people asking about when Psylocke would show up. I've encouraged all those dedicated fans to be patient. I've had plans for Psylocke for quite a while. Now I feel like this is the right time to bring her into this fanfiction series while revealing another classic element of Wolverine's past. And as always, I strongly encourage everyone to take the time to review this and every other issue of this fanfiction series. Please contact me directly or post your comments directly in the issue. Either way is fine. As always, I thank those who have taken the time to post feedback for X-men Supreme and hope it continues. Until next time, take care and best wishes! Excelsior!

Jack

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy 4th of July From X-men Supreme!


Greetings all my wonderful readers and fellow comic book fans! I'm done for reviews this week, but since it happens to be a holiday for those of us here in the United States of (Corporate) America, I feel obliged to wish everyone a safe (but not too safe), happy (by happy I mean drunken), and enjoyable (meaning no work or stress) holiday!

Like this.
I also want to take this opportunity to let everyone know that my review for PopMatters.com for All New X-men #13 was pushed back because of the holiday. It will be out on July 8th and I will post it on this blog once it is released. Also, the new issue for X-men Supreme Issue 78: The Lotus and the Warrior Part 1 is on schedule for release tomorrow! No holiday will hinder X-men Supreme on my watch, that you can be sure of.

Now I can't shoot off fireworks on a blog, but I think that on this day where we celebrate all things American, we should take time to reflect on what makes America truly awesome. It has contributed many things to the world. But on this blog, I will only cite one contribution that I think trumps them all. And that is Emma Frost's breasts.

God Bless America
Nuff said!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #32


When I get a new comic, I love to take my brain out of my skull, put it in a blender, dice it up for a good 20 minutes, and put it back and my skull. That way the thoughts that emerge as I read it are more fucked up than any fanboy on the planet not named William Shatner. What follows are the minced and diced thoughts that emerged while reading Wolverine and the X-men #32. I'm not legally responsible for any confusion and/or seizures caused by those who read on.

At the very least, readers can take comfort that they won't be as wounded as the Hellfire guards who were in Iceman and Kitty Pryde's path. Iceman gets creative, creating ice monsters that both fuck with and maim Hellfire guards in a way that is adorable yet obscenely violent. That's how you know it's a Wolverine and the X-men comic I guess. They probably should have expected the X-men to be pissed. The Hellfire Club stole two of their students. Now they're trying to locate the Hellfire brats at Kilgore's corporate headquarters. That or it's just Kitty and Iceman's idea of a date night. It almost makes me shutter to think what they're makeup sex might entail. They may need it because they don't find anything other than the typical overspending that you would expect of an evil corporation. But they're still probably not as bad as GSA or Goldman Sachs.


It's not just Kitty Pryde and Iceman looking for the the Hellfire Club as well. The whole team is in on the act. When a rival school is stealing their students, they don't just take an interest. They get pissed. The team is spread out all over the place, hitting up spaceship graveyards and doing psychic scans that would horrify Charles Xavier if someone hadn't cut out his fucking brain (see Uncanny Avengers). It makes for more Jason Aaron style juvenile humor, such as Rachel Grey determining that there are approximately 855,499 people making love. I'm pretty sure that's enough to make the Catholic Church shit themselves, but fuck religious zealots. They're trying to find deranged little kids. On second thought, maybe the Catholic Church can help them fight against that.


All this searching has left the Jean Grey Institute in a pretty fucked up state. They already found out they had a spy in their midst. Now they found out that two of their students left and they can't find the assholes who lured them away. That means the school gets a lot stricter and I'm not just talking about teachers raiding your locker and finding your weed. Now they have fucking Lockeed, Kitty's pet dragon, teaching classes. And even deranged teenagers aren't going to fuck with a dragon.

They're also not going to fuck with a pissed off Wolverine, who once again shows how he has anger issues that scare the shit out of Dr. Phil. He vents his anger the same way I imagine Charlie Sheen parties, by drinking heavily and wrecking a room. This time it happens to be his office, but I suppose there are worse ways he could deal with his anger. It also nicely reflects just how frustrated the X-men are and how well-equipped the Hellfire Club is.


And it's a good thing the Hellfire Club is hiding because they would probably piss the X-men off even more if they found out they were torturing one of their students. However, that student they're torturing is Kid Omega so I guess they wouldn't be too upset. Given the shit this kid has pulled on the X-men over the years, I imagine the Hellfire Club is only doing what the X-men wish they could do to him.

But unlike most teenagers who turn into pussies when faced with torture, Kid Omega handles it like a kid with balls beyond his years and four times his size. The Hellfire Club lets Dr. Pandemonium and a few hellish minions rough him up in a way that takes corporal punishment to a whole new level. In the process we even learn a little more about Dr. Pandemonium. His story is pretty basic. He discovered some evil mirror in a cave under Stone Henge and the mirror made him evil. It's basic, but it at least shows that there's some attention to detail in a book filled with so much playful violence.


That playful violence extends to the teachers lounge. Like real teachers lounges, it's a place for teachers to get together and hatch evil plan on how to torture their students even more. Their discussions are colorful and playful, despite being disturbing. They talk of human heads in refrigerators and making people scream. Again, probably nothing that doesn't happen outside of the teachers lounge in my old high school. But it offers some nice insight into how an evil school works.

The only killjoy is Toad, which I guess shouldn't come to anyone's surprise. He's still the lowly janitor and he makes some novel suggestions that include shit like actually educating the kids. He doesn't know that schools stopped educating back in the 70s when the world discovered it was much more efficient to just indoctrinate kids. Because educating kids might actually make them think and we just can't have that now can we?


So with so few leads coming up for the Hellfire Club, Wolverine turns to the only thing he can rely on to help him in times of crisis...booze. But not in the way you might think. Rather than just grabbing some hard liquor and some porno, Wolverine actually tries to use booze to help him solve his problems. But unlike most raging alcoholics, he does it in a more pragmatic way. He takes the pet bamfs, who have already shown a fondness for Wolverine's booze in previous issues. He then uses it to start tracking the Hellfire Club by following the trails of the mutants they recruited. It's not the most creative way I've seen booze used, but as a drunk it still brings a tear to my eye.


Those tears turn to rage once the Hellfire brats enter the picture again. They may not be as annoying as Hope fucking Summers, but they're still assholes that make an already ridiculous comic even more obscene. But they serve their purpose. We learned in the last issue that the whole point of this school is to create mutant sociopaths to drive up demand for sentinels. Kade Kilgore is already succeeding and with Sabretooth in charge of the school, they've got plenty of mutant sociopaths to go around. It has all the looks of a board meeting at Enron. You know a lot of people are going to get fucked over hard. This just involves giant robots and killer mutants.


The only potential problem with this perfectly organized evil plan is that one of the individuals they're trying to fuck over may be in a position to return the favor. Kid Omega, who has been tortured for three days now, is on the brink. Now Sauron and the boobed up version of Mojo are tormenting him. I imagine torturing Kid Omega is akin to a large bonus package at the Hellfire Academy. Unfortunately, the way they treated Toad earlier came back to bite them. Because he sneaks up behind them and looks to help him. And you know you're fucked when someone like Toad won't take it anymore.


But the Hellfire Club doesn't seem too threatened. They seem ready to roll out their new army of sociopath mutant teenagers. Kade Kilgore proudly introduces their star students, which includes Idie. They all look like obedient future sociopaths, but we also get a hint that Wolverine might be on their trail. Armed with an army of bamfs and whiskey, he is able to track down Lord Deathstrike while he's doing a supply run. It marks the first true lead the X-men have found on the Hellfire Club and now Wolverine is in a position to sink his claws into it. So not only did booze help him cope. It helped him find a solution. Excuse me, but I'm just getting really emotional here. I need a moment.


In just two issues, the Hellfire Saga has incorporated evil corporations, hard liquor, and beautiful women in sexy teachers outfits into the story. Throw in a gay wedding and you have Rick Santorum's worst nightmare. And yet Jason Aaron still finds a way to make it feel fun as hell. Wolverine and the X-men has had its ups and downs lately, but Wolverine and the X-men #32 is definitely an up and no mind, sober or drunk, can argue otherwise. Nuff said!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Scanned Thoughts: X-men #2


Every week I induce severe head trauma and ingest various mind-altering substances before reading a comic. Then I write out the thoughts that emerge. They're not always coherent, logical, or healthy. But I've long since destroyed the part of my brain that gives a shit. So here are those twisted thoughts associated with X-men #2. Read on if you dare.

In a book already dripping with boobs and estrogen, it's only fitting that the big baddie in this series be the pissed off sister of John Sublime, Arkea. First, she hitched a ride on a cute little baby that derailed a train in a way that didn't involve crying like a banshee having his nuts squeezed. Then once at the Jean Grey Institute, she jumped into a much more capable body in Karima Shapandar, aka Omega Sentinel. It's basically a killer robot with boobs and her first act is to pwn Beast and hack the Jean Grey Institute. It's as awesome and sexy as it sounds.


As a result, the entire Jean Grey Institute goes all PMS on the X-men. Yes, that was a lady parts joke. Get used to it. It's an all-women comic. Sublime basically warmed them about this shit and they didn't listen. John Sublime may be a total douche-bag, but even a broken clock is right twice a day I guess. And Arkea even adds to the pwnage, making the computer systems actually laugh at Rachel Grey when she tries to override her shit. That's basically like a hacker flashing a picture of your girlfriend blowing him. It's cruel, but effective adds a nice touch of humor. And few things are more enjoyable than laughing with a raging boner.


Arkea is enjoying the benefits of her little surprise attack. That's the benefits of hopping a ride on a baby. Nobody suspects a baby of being evil, outside a Chucky movie that is. But once the surprise wears off, Beast manages to at least partially inflate his now collapsed scrotum by opening the door to his lap and leading Rogue to Arkea. So he's still getting a woman to do his fighting for him. I guess the Feminazis will have something to bitch about after all.

But it's still a pretty awesome fight. Rogue, being the heavy hitter of the team, roughs up Arkea. But keep in mind she's still in Omega Sentinel's body. That means it's two beautiful women beating the shit out of each other in an ape man's lab. It sounds like a masturbatory fantasy from Stephen Hawkings. It's still pretty damn awesome. And it's not like Beast does nothing. He does try to knock Omega Sentinel out with a little morphine. But that does jack shit against Akrea, who sounds like Martha Stewart on Adderall. So this issue now has beautiful women and drugs. Add some bacon to the mix and it would be the perfect comic.


While this hot girl on cyber-girl action is going on, the rest of the X-women try to get some answers out of John Sublime. He basically tells them that she moves through technology. In the process she learns all she can and then destroys everything in her way before moving on. She's basically like Brainiac, but instead of a freaky robot she's a collection of bacteria that hops into hosts that include babies and hot cybernetic women. I'm just going to call it here. Arkea would bitch slap Brainiac in a second. For that reason, John Sublime offers his help. Yeah, he's still a douche-bag, but he's a douche-bag that's terrified of his sister. So I guess that also makes him a pussy.


The plan now amounts to slowing Arkea down before she can get too much data. And since Kitty Pryde has a talent for fucking up machines by phasing through them (which is probably more efficient than dropping them in the toilet), she's best equipped to handle this. But Arkea gets wind of this and decides to fight back. At this point she has already taken down Rogue, who is the heavy hitter like I said. So Kitty Pryde might as well be trying to convince a man to take her to her grandmother's house on the day of the Superbowl.

But unlike Rogue, she tries to beat her in ways that don't just involve beating her up. Rachel encourages her to try and reach out to Omega Sentinel. That involves threatening her by saying that if she phases through her, she'll effectively kill Omega Sentinel and possibly Arkea. It's the kind of threat you don't usually expect to see in a cute little girl like Kitty Pryde. But just because you want to fuck her doesn't mean you would want to fuck with her. Arkea knows this and just opts to ditch her and the Jean Grey Institute. Is it cowardly? Fuck yes. But is it smart. Definitely.


Now Arkea's on the loose and the X-women have to track her down before she derails more trains or blows up more schools. But since she's still in Omega Sentinel, that means she's moving fast and probably not going to slow down unless it's to give them another big fuck you. If that weren't hard enough, they need John Sublime to tag along for the ride. He's a douche and he looks like the kind of guy who will betray them, wave his dick in their face, and ditch them the moment they take care of his crazy, genocidal sister. But they're basically stuck with him. He might as well be herpes.


Then Jubilee decides to join the mission. But wait...doesn't she now have an adopted baby to take care of? I can understand her wanting to tag along with the mission. She's a vampire teenager with poor impulse control. But what bothers me here is that Storm and the rest of the X-women actually fucking let her. It's not like the baby is now key to stopping Arkea...as far as we know. But she just points out that she's involved and somehow that's reason enough to have her go on this dangerous mission and take the fucking baby with her? I'm all for occasional child endangerment, but this is just fucking irresponsible. And that's coming from a drunk.


Even if it is irresponsible as fuck, it does lead to a nice moment where John Sublime confronts Jubilee and apologizes for basically stalking them in ways that only the Catholic Church could equal. He also informs her that the baby is now perfectly healthy since Arkea has jumped ship. She even called him Jubilee's son. It makes for a nice, emotional moment that shows Jubilee demonstrating the kind of maturity that we never saw in two seasons of 16 and Pregnant. Suck it, MTV!

Yet to this point, there's still no mention of the fact that Jubilee is still a fucking vampire. She hasn't even shown her fangs yet. I'm glad this issue focuses on Jubilee more as a character, but when one of her defining skills involves being a bloodsucker, that's a pretty tough thing to overlook. Plus, she's caring for a fucking baby now. Isn't anyone in the X-men going to point out how fucked up that is?


They may figure it out enough. But right now, they've got more shit to deal with. The Jean Grey Institute is in ruin...again. And Kitty Pryde is sitting the mission out to help with the clean-up efforts. The problem is that Arkea wasn't exactly done fucking with the X-men before she left. Before she took off, she apparently hot wired a ticking bomb of sorts. Now it's not clear if it's the kind of bomb that explodes in a big ass fireball, but given the Jean Grey Institute's propensity to being blown up I think it's a pretty safe bet.


Something is about to go boom and for once it isn't my dick. This issue is lighter on the drama compared to the first, but more than compensates by having Rogue kick some serious ass. Jubilee's role is still not clear. She hasn't even flashed her vampire fangs or allowed me to make a Twilight joke. I guess I'll have to stick to 16 and Pregnant jokes now that she has a baby. That's fine by me and those are my twisted thoughts on X-men #2. Nuff said!