Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #35

I don’t care how many brain cells I kill with weed and Loony Toons reruns. Every time I read a comic book, a beautifully chaotic clusterfuck erupts in my brain. Sometimes it’s like an orgy of supermodels in a pool of chocolate. Other times it’s like having a million coat-hangers disemboweling an entire population of puppies. And for reasons known only to my therapist and my weed dealer, I turn that clusterfuck into a review. What follows is a review of Wolverine and the X-men #35. If anyone has a problem with clusterfucks, now might be a good time to go back to watching the Disney Channel.

Wolverine and the X-men #35 begins in the same way most bar fights begin when they take place after two in the morning, meaning there’s no real build-up or spark that triggers it. The X-men and the forces of the Hellfire Academy just start fighting as if their favorite football team just lost the Superbowl. Wolverine leads the charge while some of the Hellions try to show that they’ve become competent sociopaths. I imagine this would count as extra credit by Hellfire standards, but extra credit doesn’t mean shit if it’s still an F. To be fair, the X-men came armed with a much better army of living islands so the Hellions shouldn’t be too sad. I’m sure Mystique would just castrate them partially.

It’s a classic X-men brawl that just happens to involve demonic forces and giant mutant islands. It has the charming appeal of an extreme game show, like American Gladiators if everyone was given infinite amounts of crystal meth and LSD. It’s also classic in the sense that Toad is getting his ass kicked. Hell, he’s been getting his ass kicked since the 60s, but this time he’s getting beat up by Paige, a woman he’s in love with. Only Toad could make that seem as though it isn’t an extra kick in the balls. He has been desperately trying to get her to snap the fuck out of it while getting more fucked up than Rocky Balboa after six rounds with Clubber Lane. Yet like Rocky in the final round, he succeeds. It’s not clear how he does so. It looks like he just had to rip off whatever fucked up face the Hellfire Academy gave her and now she doesn’t remember a damn thing. It’s like blacking out, minus the hangover. So I guess Paige should consider herself lucky.

Kade Kilgore is the last person who deserves to be that lucky. He’s still only the second most ridiculous concept Marvel has introduced since Hope fucking Summers. Yet in the last issue, it looked like his luck had run out when his own fellow Hellfire Club buddies turned their guns on him. It looked like this juvenile punk was going to get what he deserved, but I guess Marvel isn’t quite bold enough to shoot a kid in the back, even if he’s a prepubescent sociopath. Kade once again makes his own luck, activating some bullshit protocols that nullify their weapon. Yes, he’s still an annoying little shit, but I can’t accuse him of not being prepared.

He’s still the lucky one because the rest of the Hellfire Academy is failing faster than the Syrian government. They’re being overpowered by giant mutant islands and a bunch of angry X-men. With that kind of firepower, Kid Omega and Idie shouldn’t have that much to contribute. However, they were the ones that set the stage for this conflict. It’s only fitting that they fight together to rub sulfuric acid in the wound that the rest of the X-men are inflicting. However, it just wouldn’t be Wolverine and the X-men if a few new details weren’t added to fuck things up even more.

I’m sober enough to remember how pissed I was when Marvel just randomly hooked up O5 Beast and O5 Jean Grey in the pages of All New X-men. They showed little interest in one another and when they were thrown together in the span of an issue, it was more confusing and infuriating than Johnny Depp’s last three movies. Now in the midst of this epic battle, Kid Omega and Idie find some time to swap a little spit and establish a brand new relationship for X-men fans to write smut fanfiction about. I looked at this the same way I look at midget porn. It’s strange and a little disturbing, yet I can’t look away. However, it’s not quite as disgusting as what was done with Jean and Beast. Maybe it’s because I think Kid Omega is a cocky little shit who is a few bad days from being like Kade, but I needed a few extra shots of whiskey after seeing this.

Having a pretty new girlfriend is usually a great confidence-builder, but confidence doesn’t go very far with assholes like Kade. After making quick work of his fellow Hellfire buddies, he gets Philistine, one of his mystical staff members, to put up some magical barrier. It’s a dick move on par with hiding behind a wall of baby kittens, but that’s the kind of shit that puts hair on Kade’s balls. It effectively traps Idie, Kid Omega, Toad, and Paige so the X-men can’t rescue them. It also turns this already epic battle into a hostage situation. He’s basically taking a page right out of the Die Hard movies. If shit starts to go wrong, take a hostage and hope John McClane runs out of bullets. It’s more effective than it sounds. He throws in a few more elaborate traps he built into the school for good measure because unlike Die Hard villains, Kade isn’t a cheap bastard.

At this point, pretty much everyone in the Hellfire Academy realizes Kade gives less than a nanoliter of batshit about them and they start bailing on him. And since the X-men are now distracted by a fresh hostage situation, that allows many to escape. This includes Mystique and Sabretooth, who somehow hijacked a boat that they probably had sex on more than once. They ride by and pick up the unlucky students, who should probably now consider themselves expelled. Starblood also decides it’s time to cut his losses and steals a spaceship while taking Broo with him. So Mystique and Sabretooth stole a boat. Starblood stole a spaceship. I think it’s clear which one has more expensive tastes. It’s hard to really give a shit about either at this point, but at the very least it ensures that some of them will turn up again. And since Mystique is amongst that crowd, that’s great news for my penis.

This leaves Kade Kilgore on his own. But seriously, who the fuck has any sympathy for this kid at this point that isn’t Jerry Sandusky? He may have a magical slave on his hand and a bunch of trapped students, but he’s also surrounded by X-men on an island. The odds are not in his favor in the same way the odds a comeback are not in Ryan Leaf’s favor. There’s never really any doubt that Kade is going to get his ass kicked and probably thrown into a prison cell next to Sandusky. Nobody would feel bad for him in the slightest.

However, that’s not what screws him over. Before he can make his escape, the prepubescent White Queen, Wilhelmina, does something that would make Emma Frost proud and betrays her Black Queen. She doesn’t just stab him in the back both literally and figuratively. She convinces Philistine to escape with her, leaving Kade behind. Now I’m not sure what a girl her age could do to convince Philistine to obey her, but I’m pretty sure it would get him his own special on To Catch a Predator.

Kade’s whole world is going to shit along with the rest of the Hellfire Academy. It goes so horribly wrong that Kade actually asks for a hug. It shows he’s still a kid, albeit a sociopath. But then Kid Omega punches him instead, which shows that he’s still a douche. So I guess it’s as fitting an end to the battle as anyone could hope for. And for good measure, Philistine is instructed to blow the whole damn island up because when a pretty little girl gives an order, creepy men obey it. Will there ever be a conflict in X-men where the villains don’t have a backup plan that involves blowing the place up? I doubt it. It comes off as bland, but I guess that’s to be expected from a bunch of inexperienced sociopaths.

But Kade isn’t completely without allies. While he and his associates wait to either blow the fuck up or get fucked up by the X-men, Dog Logan gives me yet another reason to hate his guts and escapes with Kade. How he does so is pretty fucked. He just grabs him and jumps through the Philistine’s mirror. This seems cheap because why the fuck would that thing still be intact? It’s one of those details that makes too little sense, even in a story about homicidal kids running their own school. While I may tolerate some pretty crazy shit and intoxicating substances, I have a very low tolerance for bullshit. It also means Dog and Kade are still alive after this arc, which is disappointing. Naturally, all the X-men escape with help from the bamfs. But it isn’t as satisfying as it should have been. It’s like only half a line of blow. It just doesn’t get the job done.

There are still some loose ends to tie up and thankfully, they aren’t glossed over as they so often are in certain comics. And yes, I’m referring to Avengers vs. X-men again. Broo, who kickstarted this conflict when he got himself shot in the head, finally snaps out of his bloodlust and hijacks Starblood’s ship. He even crashes it for him so he can meet up with the rest of the X-men. So he’s now perfectly healthy, but the girl he had a crush on is now with a raging douche like Kid Omega. I smell another teen movie starring Hillary Duff!

And in spite of his stated intent to close the Jean Grey Institute a few issues ago, Wolverine unsurprisingly has a change of heart. I doubt anyone really thought he would go through with it, but this is one other issue that was glossed over. It could have made for some nice drama where Wolverine and the Jean Grey Institute staff contemplate whether they’re actually doing right by these students. Instead, it’s just shrugged off as if it were bar tab for Donald Trump. It’s another disappointing moment. It’s even more disappointing that they allow the two other Hellfire Club brats that didn’t escape with Kade to join the school. That’s like inviting an on-duty cop to a cocaine orgy. It’s fucking stupid and nothing good can possibly come of it.

While the action in this issue was pretty awesome, the resolution is a bit weak. However, it does have one special bonus that makes it worth its weight in candied bacon. As some who follow Jason Aaron on Twitter already know, Nightcrawler is scheduled to return to the land of the living soon. Once again, the revolving door that is death in comics is giving back another beloved character. And at the conclusion of this arc, a cloaked figure meets up with the bamfs that have been helping out in the Jean Grey Institute since the beginning. The identity of that cloaked figure is about as mysterious as Ricky Martin’s sexuality, but it’s still an awesome way to cap off an event. I’ve missed Nightcrawler and after enduring stories with Dog Logan and the Hellfire brats, I’m ready for him to return.

I guess I was hoping for too much when I wanted to see this story end with the Hellfire Brats being thrown into a meat grinder and turned into hot dogs for the next Oakland Raiders game. The Hellfire Saga may be over, but the Marvel universe is still stuck with the Hellfire Brats. While that may be disappointing, the ending itself was sufficiently satisfying. I won’t say it was as a lap dance from Jessica Alba, but it is definitely one of the most enjoyable arcs to date in the pages of Wolverine and the X-men. I give Wolverine and the X-men #35 a 7 out of 10. The distinct mix of serious conflict and cartoonish insanity give this series a perfect blend of Breaking Bad and the Simpsons. It has heart, deviant youths, and wannabe criminal masterminds. It couldn’t be more fun without taking place in pool of shaved cats. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #33

When I need to deal with the long list of issues my therapist bitches about, I grab some whiskey and a comic book and deal to my heart’s content. My liver may hate it and so does my landlord, but I’m willing to give both of them the finger for the sake of entertaining and informing the wonderful readers of this blog. What follows is my twisted coping skills combined with a full review of Wolverine and the X-men #33. It's a book that may give me nightmares about how much high school sucked before I found a good weed dealer, but it’s also a book that’s in the middle of a big arc involving the Hellfire Academy and Mystique in a sexy teacher's uniform. Read on if you've got your booze and lube ready.

While I would argue that Mystique in a sexy teacher’s uniform is the biggest appeal, seeing Kid Omega get the shit beat out of him is a close second. He spent much of the previous issue as a prisoner that served as a prime example to the other students how certain forms of douche-baggery would be rewarded and how other forms of douche-baggery would be punished. He took it in a way that would have made Rocky Balboa proud, but he’s still a douche. He still needed Toad to step in and save his miserable ass from Sauron and a version of Mojo with tits. While Toad is to X-men what Scott Norwood is to Buffalo Bills fans, he does at least show some semblance of balls. He’s still a janitor, but he’s a janitor who can kick ass. He won’t co-star in any Jason Stathem movies, but he will break Kid Omega free.

Kid Omega represents the kind of self-centered douche-baggery that the Hellfire Academy discourages. But Idie, who also ditched the Jean Grey Institute, nicely narrates the kind of douche-baggery that the Hellfire Academy fully supports. This whole issue has her narrating and it’s done in a way that is insightful and compelling.

She basically explains to the reader that the Hellfire Academy teaches them to love themselves, hate everyone else, and take anything they want if it makes them feel good. It’s basically everything that every major religion opposes. And she actually demonstrates it with her fellow classmates by killing random Hellfire guards for Kade Kilgore’s amusement. It’s a gritty scene, but one that offers a painful reminder that Idie has already killed. It was what triggered the Schism between Cyclops and Wolverine (that and them debating about which one Jean Grey would want to bone). Now she isn’t as bothered by killing. And this is a fucking 14-year-old girl. It’s hard not to feel for her and that’s the biggest strength of her story.

It’s hard to feel quite as intrigued for Toad and Kid Omega for reasons I’ve already covered. While they do manage to escape, it’s one of those things that’s easy to shrug off. If they had gotten the shit kicked out of them, I doubt many readers would lose sleep over it. After they make their escape, they go after Idie. They then run into Dog Logan along the way who does…absolutely jack shit.

I may be easily confused when I’ve smoked one too many joints and I may have as much affection for Dog Logan as I have for venomous spiders, but this was just fucked up. Dog Logan just walks away, saying they’re even now. I don’t even know what the fuck that is supposed to imply. I know Dog Logan’s introduction to the Hellfire Academy happened recently in this same series, but his story was so boring that I think I just got stoned and watched reruns of X-men Evolution. If there is an explanation, it’s not a very good one. And if Dog Logan never shows up in this series again, I doubt a single fuck would be given.

The main star of this comic is Idie. She’s the one that’s worth giving a shit about and she’s the one that is easy to grow fond of after what she has endured recently. And she has more than her share of admirers, one of them being Kade Kilgore himself. After having distinguished herself as being more than capable to horribly maim people with a pussy boner, he now invites her to do so as the Black Queen of the Hellfire Club. He even has the distinct Black Queen lingerie ready and fitted for her. Now I’m not sure if it’s more creepy that Kade Kilgore had that lingerie ready for her or that he’s a 14-year-old boy with enough money and power exercise all sorts of perverse pre-pubescent fantasies. But the whole concept of the Hellfire brats is fucked up to begin with and for that reason, it’s hard not to genuinely worry that Idie is getting in over her head.

Kid Omega and Toad are already way past that point, but unlike Idie you just can’t give as many shits about them. While Dog Logan may have let them go for no fucking reason, the rest of the Hellions aren’t quite as generous. They just got done maiming Hellfire guards for Kade Kilgore’s amusement. Their bloodlust boner is still hard and who better to take it out on then someone who was a douche-bag before he ended up at the Hellfire Academy?

To make matters worse, Paige is among them and Toad has been romantically involved with her in recent times. Well involved might be too loaded a term because it really was never thoroughly explored just what the fuck was going on between these two. Given what Toad can do with his tongue, that’s probably for the best. But if this was supposed to create any sort of emotional upheaval in the same way the Idie plot has done, it failed miserably. It basically amounts to Toad getting soft on a woman who was very pissed off at him while Kid Omega does the heavy lifting and takes a few punches to the face. So I guess it’s only partially satisfying in that respect.

This shit is happening at the same time Kade Kilgore is tempting Idie. He knows about it as well and Idie apparently takes him up on his offer. She actually puts on that ridiculously revealing Black Queen outfit that no woman would wear outside Comic Con or my masturbation fantasies. She even talks about finalizing the deal by killing Broo, who was already overprotective of her for reasons that probably had to do with Brood mating rituals. But this is where Idie finally reveals that the Hellfire Academy failed in its mission to turn her into a sociopath.

It happens when Kade Kilgore foolishly reveals that he was the one that shot Broo in the head. He’s a teenage boy. I don’t expect him to think before he talks, especially in front of a girl wearing a Black Queen outfit. This is what reveals Idie’s plan all along. She willingly joined the Hellfire Academy, embracing their concept of being a total dick along the way, just so she could find out who shot Broo. Now take for a moment to consider how she managed to maintain her cover and not be completely corrupted by the likes of Mystique, Sabretooth, Sauron, and the Hellfire Club. This is a fucking 14-year-old girl and she went through all of this, just to get back at the asshole who shot her friend. It’s not logical. Again, she’s a fucking 14-year-old girl. But it’s some pretty amazing shit and it’s hard not to cheer for her in ways nobody would ever cheer for Kid Omega.

As all this is transpiring at the Hellfire Academy, it’s easy to forget that the rest of the Jean Grey Institute staff has been trying to find them since the arc began. They spent most of the previous issue failing miserably. Then Wolverine managed to track down Lord Deathstrike with the help of the bamfs and whiskey (because most problems can be solved by whiskey). So for much of this issue he’s been battling Lord Deathstrike, trying to get him to reveal the location of the Hellfire Academy. In addition, Rachel, Beast, and Storm enlist help from Karoka, who happens to be one of Dr. Frankensteins old pets. This aspect of the story was nicely explored in the last issue, but this issue it comes off as a little flat. It’s fun seeing Wolverine fight Lord Deathstrike and all, but it just feels way too convenient that they had Karoka as a lead all along and didn’t fucking realize it. And since they’re not hormonal teenagers, they have no excuse.

The battles at the Hellfire Academy remain the most compelling aspect of the story. Having revealed her plan, Idie goes about putting it into action while Kid Omega and Toad continue to get their asses kicked. Kade Kilgore is surprised at first, but he quickly recovers and becomes only mildly disappointed that he won’t have a cute girl to be his Black Queen anymore. He tries shooting Idie after she attacks him. But he seems to forget that the Hellfire Academy trained her to give less than a fuck about maiming people so she continues to battle him. And at one point, she even has him at her mercy.

This leads to a moment that feels like the culmination of all the emotional upheaval that Idie has been experiencing throughout this series. Despite her narrations that clearly say that she has been taught to fight without mercy, she decides to spare Kade Kilgore. That means after going to a school intent on turning her into a young Dr. Doom, she doesn’t give in. I’m tempted to say, suck it, Captain America! But that wouldn’t be appropriate. The scene isn’t as detailed as it could have been, but the message is clear. Idie may be a killer, but she’s not a douche-bag. And that sets her apart from her peers and the rest of the X-men for that matter.

So rather than stick around and torture Kade Kilgore, Idie leaves him to ponder the feeling of being beat up by a girl and catches up with Kid Omega. He immediately thinks he’s in love with her, but that may just be a direct result of her wearing the Black Queen outfit. I’m pretty sure if a girl walked up to me wearing that while I was getting my ass kicked, I would probably ask her to marry me. So they leave Kade behind. It’s not clear if Paige kills Toad, but I don’t think anyone really gives a shit about that at this point. The end of this issue tempts us with the utter destruction of the Hellfire Academy. Idie and Kid Omega already get the ball rolling. Now the X-men are on their way with Karoka. I think it’s just about time for the Hellfire brats to start crying for their mommies.

I usually have mixed feelings about people who go to elaborate lengths to get back at someone. It’s one thing for an ex-girlfriend to just sell all your shit on Craigslist. It's quite another for her to seduce your boss, get him to marry her, kill him, take over the business, and then use that power to make your life a living hell. But the extent Idie goes to in order to get revenge on the Hellfire brats for shooting Broo is nothing short of admirable. Sure, she had to channel her inner sociopath and entertain the horemonal attractions of a pre-pubescent boy, but it got the job done. And by telling the story from her point of view, Wolverine and the X-men #33 is very compelling. Watching Kid Omega and Toad get the shit beat out of them isn't quite as compelling, but it’s still more fun than a joint and truck of illegal fireworks. That's my final verdict for Wolverine and the X-men #33 and if you don't like it, feel free to spend a day or two with one of my ex-girlfriends. But don't expect to leave with your balls intact. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #32

When I get a new comic, I love to take my brain out of my skull, put it in a blender, dice it up for a good 20 minutes, and put it back and my skull. That way the thoughts that emerge as I read it are more fucked up than any fanboy on the planet not named William Shatner. What follows are the minced and diced thoughts that emerged while reading Wolverine and the X-men #32. I'm not legally responsible for any confusion and/or seizures caused by those who read on.

At the very least, readers can take comfort that they won't be as wounded as the Hellfire guards who were in Iceman and Kitty Pryde's path. Iceman gets creative, creating ice monsters that both fuck with and maim Hellfire guards in a way that is adorable yet obscenely violent. That's how you know it's a Wolverine and the X-men comic I guess. They probably should have expected the X-men to be pissed. The Hellfire Club stole two of their students. Now they're trying to locate the Hellfire brats at Kilgore's corporate headquarters. That or it's just Kitty and Iceman's idea of a date night. It almost makes me shutter to think what they're makeup sex might entail. They may need it because they don't find anything other than the typical overspending that you would expect of an evil corporation. But they're still probably not as bad as GSA or Goldman Sachs.

It's not just Kitty Pryde and Iceman looking for the the Hellfire Club as well. The whole team is in on the act. When a rival school is stealing their students, they don't just take an interest. They get pissed. The team is spread out all over the place, hitting up spaceship graveyards and doing psychic scans that would horrify Charles Xavier if someone hadn't cut out his fucking brain (see Uncanny Avengers). It makes for more Jason Aaron style juvenile humor, such as Rachel Grey determining that there are approximately 855,499 people making love. I'm pretty sure that's enough to make the Catholic Church shit themselves, but fuck religious zealots. They're trying to find deranged little kids. On second thought, maybe the Catholic Church can help them fight against that.

All this searching has left the Jean Grey Institute in a pretty fucked up state. They already found out they had a spy in their midst. Now they found out that two of their students left and they can't find the assholes who lured them away. That means the school gets a lot stricter and I'm not just talking about teachers raiding your locker and finding your weed. Now they have fucking Lockeed, Kitty's pet dragon, teaching classes. And even deranged teenagers aren't going to fuck with a dragon.

They're also not going to fuck with a pissed off Wolverine, who once again shows how he has anger issues that scare the shit out of Dr. Phil. He vents his anger the same way I imagine Charlie Sheen parties, by drinking heavily and wrecking a room. This time it happens to be his office, but I suppose there are worse ways he could deal with his anger. It also nicely reflects just how frustrated the X-men are and how well-equipped the Hellfire Club is.

And it's a good thing the Hellfire Club is hiding because they would probably piss the X-men off even more if they found out they were torturing one of their students. However, that student they're torturing is Kid Omega so I guess they wouldn't be too upset. Given the shit this kid has pulled on the X-men over the years, I imagine the Hellfire Club is only doing what the X-men wish they could do to him.

But unlike most teenagers who turn into pussies when faced with torture, Kid Omega handles it like a kid with balls beyond his years and four times his size. The Hellfire Club lets Dr. Pandemonium and a few hellish minions rough him up in a way that takes corporal punishment to a whole new level. In the process we even learn a little more about Dr. Pandemonium. His story is pretty basic. He discovered some evil mirror in a cave under Stone Henge and the mirror made him evil. It's basic, but it at least shows that there's some attention to detail in a book filled with so much playful violence.

That playful violence extends to the teachers lounge. Like real teachers lounges, it's a place for teachers to get together and hatch evil plan on how to torture their students even more. Their discussions are colorful and playful, despite being disturbing. They talk of human heads in refrigerators and making people scream. Again, probably nothing that doesn't happen outside of the teachers lounge in my old high school. But it offers some nice insight into how an evil school works.

The only killjoy is Toad, which I guess shouldn't come to anyone's surprise. He's still the lowly janitor and he makes some novel suggestions that include shit like actually educating the kids. He doesn't know that schools stopped educating back in the 70s when the world discovered it was much more efficient to just indoctrinate kids. Because educating kids might actually make them think and we just can't have that now can we?

So with so few leads coming up for the Hellfire Club, Wolverine turns to the only thing he can rely on to help him in times of crisis...booze. But not in the way you might think. Rather than just grabbing some hard liquor and some porno, Wolverine actually tries to use booze to help him solve his problems. But unlike most raging alcoholics, he does it in a more pragmatic way. He takes the pet bamfs, who have already shown a fondness for Wolverine's booze in previous issues. He then uses it to start tracking the Hellfire Club by following the trails of the mutants they recruited. It's not the most creative way I've seen booze used, but as a drunk it still brings a tear to my eye.

Those tears turn to rage once the Hellfire brats enter the picture again. They may not be as annoying as Hope fucking Summers, but they're still assholes that make an already ridiculous comic even more obscene. But they serve their purpose. We learned in the last issue that the whole point of this school is to create mutant sociopaths to drive up demand for sentinels. Kade Kilgore is already succeeding and with Sabretooth in charge of the school, they've got plenty of mutant sociopaths to go around. It has all the looks of a board meeting at Enron. You know a lot of people are going to get fucked over hard. This just involves giant robots and killer mutants.

The only potential problem with this perfectly organized evil plan is that one of the individuals they're trying to fuck over may be in a position to return the favor. Kid Omega, who has been tortured for three days now, is on the brink. Now Sauron and the boobed up version of Mojo are tormenting him. I imagine torturing Kid Omega is akin to a large bonus package at the Hellfire Academy. Unfortunately, the way they treated Toad earlier came back to bite them. Because he sneaks up behind them and looks to help him. And you know you're fucked when someone like Toad won't take it anymore.

But the Hellfire Club doesn't seem too threatened. They seem ready to roll out their new army of sociopath mutant teenagers. Kade Kilgore proudly introduces their star students, which includes Idie. They all look like obedient future sociopaths, but we also get a hint that Wolverine might be on their trail. Armed with an army of bamfs and whiskey, he is able to track down Lord Deathstrike while he's doing a supply run. It marks the first true lead the X-men have found on the Hellfire Club and now Wolverine is in a position to sink his claws into it. So not only did booze help him cope. It helped him find a solution. Excuse me, but I'm just getting really emotional here. I need a moment.

In just two issues, the Hellfire Saga has incorporated evil corporations, hard liquor, and beautiful women in sexy teachers outfits into the story. Throw in a gay wedding and you have Rick Santorum's worst nightmare. And yet Jason Aaron still finds a way to make it feel fun as hell. Wolverine and the X-men has had its ups and downs lately, but Wolverine and the X-men #32 is definitely an up and no mind, sober or drunk, can argue otherwise. Nuff said!