Carl Sagan once said, “It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” I wonder if he had a lost love in mind when he came up with such a profound musing. It would certainly be appropriate. Cursing the darkness is the easy part when that’s all that surrounds you. Lighting that proverbial candle and using it to find the way is much more difficult.
How could anyone regardless of their aptitude in Quantum Mechanics be so foolish? I had before me what I once thought to be a statistical impossibility. A beautiful woman full of grace and majesty had given her heart to me. Together we shared a love and intimacy that transcended the superficial. What we had was deeper than mere natural instinct. For a man such as me, that alone goes a long way. Yet it all fell apart. It fell apart because I let it.
How could I be so foolish? How could I be so asinine? I grew up in a world surrounded by reason and logic. Why is it that I can apply these skills in every other endeavor except those of a personal nature?
Hank racked his brain for answers. Usually, they came easy or at the very least he was able to go through the complicated steps that would lead him to the answer. This time he was completely at a loss. He had no clues, no variables, and no formulas to work out. He had only the burden of a foolish heart.
Holding his head low, Hank swallowed a bitter growl and grabbed a piece of chalk. He then found himself jotting down some random notes on his board. This time they were of a non-intellectual nature. They were strictly abstracts. He wrote down words such as love, heartbreak, mistake, and reasons. He circled each word and then put a big question mark next to it. This crude model represented the problem his powerful intellect faced.
I suppose personal issues have always been a fickle phenomenon in the ongoing tale that is my life. Perhaps it’s because I had so few growing up. My childhood was one of privilege and opportunity. My father, Norton McCoy, was able to provide a very comfortable life for me and my mother as a scientist at Lawrence Livermore Laboratories. Not only did he put food on the table, he opened me to a world I seemed destined to be a part of.
I remember the first day he let me visit the lab. I swear it was like a spiritual experience. Being surrounded by all that equipment, it made me feel like I was approaching a gateway into the mind of God. My father later said he knew from that look on my face that I would follow in his footsteps. I was perfectly content with that and I immersed myself in the world of science from the moment I was capable of understanding it.
Every moment of my upbringing, my parents nurtured my thirst for knowledge. They enrolled me in extra classes, sent me to private schools, and got me every book I could consume. My natural knack for reason set me apart from most children. I remember at my first science camp I asked so many questions to my teachers I practically confounded their work with the other children. At times I overwhelmed them and I probably did not make many friends in the process. It appears to be the beginning of an overall lacking of certain social skills that may very well have culminated in these recent troubles I face.
If there was a flaw in my persona my parents certainly didn’t recognize it. I gave them no clues to indicate as such because I was so immersed in science. Yet I did not become anti-social. I constantly put myself out there, asking questions to people who shared my passion for reason. In this my mother was quite helpful. She always had a silver tongue and a quick wit, something many of my less social peers lacked. It helped me move forward and excel both in school and in my activities. By the time I was seven I was making integrated circuits and skipping grade levels on a routine basis. I took an IQ test a few years later and was labeled a genius. Everyone seemed to agree. I was destined for great things. Then I got my first taste of hardship.
Hank paused for a moment before writing another string of words next to the question mark. They consisted of concepts such as hardship, coping, and understanding. He circled them as well and drew a line to the big question mark that was next to the other group of words. Stepping back a bit, he stared intently at the text and tried extrapolating the answer he so desperately needed.
Now I hope to finish in time for an update at the end of the week. If I don't, I'll be sure to post a message here along with an explanation. I don't imagine anything getting in the way of this update, but sometimes new issues come up. I'm deeply grateful of all the support I've had for the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. I really hope it continues. Such support encourages me to push this fanfiction series ahead. Please remember that active feedback and reviews help make X-men Supreme better. Please contact me with your comments at any time. I'll be happy to listen! Until then, take care and best wishes everybody! Excelsior!