Thursday, February 13, 2014

Uncanny X-men #17 PREVIEW - Detention

Anyone that ever got caught taking a piss on the principal's Mercedes knows how much detention sucks. It's not enough that it's boring. It's one of those arbitrary concepts where asshole administrators have no official guidelines on how to punish deviant kids so they get to use their sadistic imagination. One time, I had to use a toothbrush to clean off a chalkboard. Another time, I had to clean a toilet overflowing with shit while the janitor watched and told me stories about how his ex-wife left him for his crack dealer. My point is that teachers and administrators can be creative and pretty fucking cruel. So I imagine dealing with teenagers that have mutant powers requires more creativity and more cruelty.

The students of the New Xavier School have had their moments since Uncanny X-men was relaunched a third time. There have been some cases where they really shined. Tempus got to freeze the Avengers in a time bubble. Hijack got to take control of the SHIELD Helicarrier. And Ben Deeds got get private tutoring from Emma Frost, which isn't as awesome as it sounds because only he ended up naked during their sessions. However, there have been some less flattering moments. Goldballs got so scared and overwhelmed that he tried to go home, only to find out that his parents and SHIELD were assholes when it came to mutants. So it's a mixed bag, but that's the be expected. They're young and they're inexperienced. So how does Cyclops, Emma, and Magik teach them to be ready to fight off a Sentinel at a moment's notice?

Well their lesson may also double as discipline because they're not exactly honor students either. They've been known to fool around in the Danger Room and fantasize about their teachers. But unlike the asshole administrators I had to deal with, one of them is a mentally unstable blonde Russian girl with the power to literally send people to Hell. I can only shudder at the ways my old principal would have exploited that. And now it looks like the students of the New Xavier School are going to be getting some harsh lessons from her. A new preview of Uncanny X-men #17 is out and it makes the detention I had in high school look like a Swedish massage.

• It's training day for the students of the new Xavier School.
• Only, the training seems to be that the teachers just left them on mission to fend for themselves.
• Uh-oh.

So once again, Cyclops is taking a page out of Wolverine's playbook and throwing his students into the Savage Land in hopes of speeding up their training. That's like sending a batch of new army recruits to North Korea for their training. Can anyone remind me why these two are still acting like there's a schism between them? They're using the same fucking tactics to teach their students and for reasons that really aren't that different. They want them to be able to defend themselves. So why the fuck are they still divided? I know Cyclops has that whole wanted fugitive shit to deal with, but considering how many times Wolverine and the Hulk have been on SHIELD's shit list, they have no fucking excuse.

But I digress. This looks like the kind of lesson that the new mutants of the New Xavier School need. There are still some ongoing plots that haven't been resolved yet, namely who the fuck keeps throwing Sentinels at them. A lot of these stories fell to the wayside because of X-men Battle of the Atom and Magneto striking out on his own. But at some point, they're going to have to figure out who has the balls and the resources to keep sicking Sentinels at them. It's hard enough dealing with SHIELD and time-displaced X-men. They don't need more killer robots and if that means giving these students some extra detention in the Savage Land, I'm sure my old teachers and guidance counselors would agree. Nuff said!


  1. This doesn't look like detention. It seems more like a team building exercise.

  2. is one of the cuckoos a ginger now?

  3. I am clinging to that "seems to be" part, because this was supposed to be a different school.
    Hope that time travel comment won't be the center of attention later in the series.
    Sisters are going through some form of change.
    What is it with comic books today, every time I start reading one.. it makes me want to punch a wall by the end.

  4. They're in Montana? If the weird area is in Montana, than it has to be Tabula Rasa.

  5. Tempus has a crush on Cyclops, and bendis said it will be not only a crush

    1. Can you elaborate a bit, or post a link ?

    2. His words were about how what he has planned surprised his editor, who isn't easy to surprise. Now if that means what people think it means is the real question. I can easily see Cyclops thinking he isn't right for ANYBODY at this point in his life. Him asking Eva why she thinks he hates her enough to be willing to start a relationship with her isn't a far-fetched idea.


    3. The problem about been surprised, is that he could have been surprised from not seen anything surprising.
      Alright, it sounds decent. Plus the difference in age.

  6. Here is a link:
    And i don't think they get together but definitely it is not only a crush I think