Thursday, March 20, 2014

Guardians of the Galaxy #13 Preview - Jean Grey Is Officially Pissed

Evolution is an amazing thing, despite what dipshit creationists may say. It creates an environment where a feeble primate must balance the benefits and drawbacks of stealing a piece of meat from a sleeping grizzly bear. The primate that does it wisely and efficiently will be able to take that meat back home and its nourishment will help him bone his share of fertile females, thereby passing on such skill. However, if that primate is unskilled and/or stupid, he’ll only piss off the grizzly bear and get mauled like plate of bacon at Ron Swanson’s house. It’s not just about survival of the fittest. It’s survival of the non-stupid animals that don’t press their luck. And by that standard, evolution is about to kick the Shi’ar’s collective ass.

These Romulan wannabes have already been waving their dicks in the face of a pack of hungry grizzlies. They abducted O5 Jean Grey, thumbed their nose at their fellow alien allies, and casually revealed that they slaughtered Jean Grey’s entire family. They’ve done everything possible to deserve a good ass-kicking short of inviting Nazis. Well the O5 X-men teamed up with both the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Starjammers to give their asses the kicking they’ve rightfully earned. They managed to sneak onto the Shi’ar homeworld and even threw in a little hot lesbo action between Gamora and Angela. But before they could rough their asses up enough sufficiently, O5 Jean Grey showed up and basically admitted her guilt.

But that doesn’t mean that O5 Jean is okay with letting the Shi’ar continue on with this show trial. Even a teenager could see how this kind of justice has no place outside of North Korea. She just had her future shoved in her face. She saw that she’s going to completely lose her shit, go Dark Phoenix, and kill billions of innocent aliens. And this comes after she got all pissed off with Cyclops for killing Charles Xavier while under the influence of the same damn force. She also hasn’t forgotten that this guy basically admitted that he and his buddies slaughtered her entire family. At this point, the concept of justice becomes too fucked for any teenage mind to process. Now O5 Jean is just fucking pissed and in evolutionary terms, that’s right up there with angry grizzly bears on crack in terms of shit that can make a species go extinct. And the extent of her level of pissed off is nicely documented in a preview for Guardians of the Galaxy #13 that CBR recently released.

The conclusion of THE TRIAL OF JEAN GREY leaves two teams devastated!

O5 Jean Grey is pissed. That much is clear. But the effects of that level of pissed off are not quite clear. And that sucks for Gladiator because this whole shitty show trial was his idea in the first place. O5 Jean has already shown since her arrival in the future that she’s pretty fucking powerful. Hell, she even went up against her more powerful future self and kicked her ass. So what chance does Gladiator have? I just filled out my NCAA bracket and this is one matchup where nobody is going to side with the underdog. It would be like betting on Ivan Drago.

But the impact could go much further than O5 Jean being pissed off. If history is any guide, when Jean Grey gets pissed off the Phoenix Force is usually not too far behind. O5 Jean even hinted that might already possess the Phoenix Force. She may not be sporting a super sexy Dark Phoenix outfit, but she’s packing the kind of power that should make any Shi’ar shit themselves. While Avengers vs. X-men still has most people burned out on all things Phoenix Force, it’s not one of those things that just disappears. Rebirth is kind of its thing and it’s only a matter of time before it flares up again. And since O5 Jean is in the present and very pissed, she’s basically the nitro and the Phoenix Force is the glycerin.

In addition, the events of X-men Battle of the Atom are still pretty fresh. In that story, the Phoenix Force did show up. But it was with Kid Omega and not Jean Grey/Xorna. In fact, Xorna made it clear that she avoided getting the Phoenix Force, but that didn’t stop her powers from going haywire. So this little hissy fit of hers could be the first step towards seeing her powers grow to Xorna levels. This could be the trigger and it may even be part of what Xorna revealed to her during the events of Battle of the Atom. The future is already pretty fucked for her. This could be a chance for her to either change it or seal her fate. Right now, it’s a toss-up and in the spirit of March Madness that’s how it ought to be. The only clear losers at this point will be the Shi’ar. But like the dumb-ass primates that pissed off the grizzlies, they fucking deserve it. Nuff said!


  1. You know she's right about the Phoenix finding someone else because she's not the first to be a vessel and earth isn't the first planet it visited.

    Despite her age, she knows that she's not some "chosen one" but someone who fit the requirements that the Phoenix needed for it's own purposes. It's like Wolverine said to Rachael who thought the Phoenix was going to create a true Utopia, the Phoenix is on it's own side and doesn't really care what others want from it.

  2. Jean isn't one to mince words. If she says she's guilty; she thinks she's guilty. But she's also righteously pissed, and it's all directed squarely at Gladiator as he broke one of the X-Men's cardinal rules: Never piss off Jean Grey.

    Seriously, it's like #3 in the handbook.

  3. my choice for the host of the phoenix force is herald of galactus nova after she got killed by morg.