Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Uncanny X-men #23 Preview - Not-So-Secret Douche-Baggery

There was once a time when Charles Xavier ranked very highly on the scale of heroic visionaries who strived to make the world a better place. That is the Charles Xavier that Patrick Stewart brought to life in the X-men movies and that James McAvoy later failed to live up to by turning him into a drugged out 70s disco punk. It seems so long ago. Was Charles Xavier really once that respectable or was I just doing way too much Ecstasy back in the early 2000s? I’m not saying the Ecstasy and blow didn’t have an effect, but I think it’s worth adding a little perspective.

Xaiver has always had his history of questionable laurels. He lied to his students, making them think he was dead at one point. He kept Danger locked up for decades. He lied to Cyclops about having a third brother. He’s also divorced, has a son that’s crazier bag of brain dead rabbits,  That doesn’t even get into the whole Onslaught Epic, although I might be willing to give him a pass because that outfit looked pretty badass. The man just doesn’t have much credibility anymore. So when Cyclops killed him in Avengers vs. X-men, it wasn’t like he ripped an angel’s wings off, snapped its neck, and took a piss on its corpse. There’s also the whole issue of Xavier fucking attacking him, but I won’t belabor that point more than I already have on this blog. My liver can only take so much.

But with the ongoing events in Original Sin, dirty little secrets are being exposed more than Paris Hilton’s side-boob. So naturally, Charles Xavier is still going to have a few dirty secrets that haven’t been revealed. As if the man needed to be discredited anymore, he apparently has a will that reveals the kind of twisted shit that’s supposed to tear the X-men apart. It must be really bad, like being hot for one of his students or something. I mean what kind of guy would…actually, that’s a bad example. Forget I said that.

With the war against SHIELD and the Sentinels resolved, this promises to be the next major plot in Uncanny X-men. And thanks to our fine friends at CBR, a teaser and an unlettered preview was released. Anyone who has been keeping up with Original Sin probably won’t be surprised. The whole story is built around the premise that everyone has douche-bag secrets, but some are way more douchy than others. Given Charles Xavier’s track record, I might have to avoid spicy foods before this comes out.

This July, the X-Men crash headlong into Original Sin in Uncanny X-Men #23 – from New York Times Bestselling writer Brian Michael Bendis and rising star artist Kris Anka! Thanks to the events of Original Sin, Charles Xavier’s last will and testament has been discovered. The final wishes of a man who fought all his life for peaceful coexistence between man and mutant – until the very day it got him killed. The rift between the two X-Men squads grows with each passing day. Do the secrets contained in Xavier’s will have the power to finally reunite them? Or doom them forever? Don’t miss the story that will have everyone talking and sets the stage for huge X-Men stories on the horizon when The Last Will and Testament of Charles Xavier stands revealed in Uncanny X-Men #23!

Can’t really glean too much from these unlettered previews. For all I know, Cyclops is thinking “What an asshole!” while he’s recalling that fight with Charles Xavier. Not sure if the scene with Dazzler is related, but I’m going to assume she’s still pissed about what Mystique did to her and is probably going to spend the next few issues taking it out on someone or something. While I’m all for stories about pretty girls dealing with their feelings in fucked up ways, I’m more intrigued by Charles Xavier’s latest deep dark secrets.

It can’t just involve one character and it can’t just involve him having a boner for one of his students again. It could be any number of fucked up things. Maybe he intended to give the X-men to Magneto when he died or maybe he intended to integrate the X-men with the Brotherhood at some point if he felt peace was no longer possible. Or maybe he left all his money and property to Jean Grey, which would in turn mean that Cyclops now owns it because he was Jean’s husband.

I have my own theory and I think it’s one that would really rip the X-men apart from their foundation. It’s probably wrong, but I’ll share it anyways because drunks aren’t known for filtering their ideas. It’s well-established that Charles Xavier used psychic blocks on Jean Grey’s mind to help her control her powers. But maybe his secret is he didn’t stop with Jean Grey. He put blocks on the minds of all his students, making it difficult for them to control their powers. That might be the real reason why Cyclops couldn’t control his blasts or why Beast turned all furry or why Wolverine couldn’t control his berserker rage. It wasn’t because they weren’t strong enough to overcome it. It was because Xavier made sure they couldn’t. It was his way of either motivating them or controlling them.

This could have some really serious implications. Perhaps at one point, he realized that by holding Jean’s powers back, he made sure she couldn’t handle the Phoenix Force. These new powers Jean has in All-New X-men might be the powers she was supposed to have all along. By suppressing them, he essentially killed her by ensuring she wasn’t strong enough. This is the kind of shit that would undermine both their trust and their respect for this man, as if he had much left at this point. Again, I’m probably wrong, but this is my theory. Get enough beer in me and I’ll come up with another. If there’s another preview released, I might just share it. Nuff said!


  1. Actually, teenage Jean seems to be getting closer and closer to a nervous breakdown and her telepathy and telekineses may perhaps be going out of whack because of it which might explain this new ability to absorb psionic energy from other people from the combination of the two which might end making her a threat to be around people if it turns out this new power might be a malfunction of her psionic abilities.

    Legion has shown what would perhaps happen to psionics who become mentally ill.

  2. IceColdEmmaFrostJune 19, 2014 at 6:54 PM

    The artwork looks phenomenal. I hope the nanosentinels excuse means that Emma's back to her full telepathic abilities.