Rumor: Wolverine To Die In 2014?

I usually try to stay away from gossip in the same way I try to stay away from Mormon, Tea Party rallies, and AA meetings. But when a rumor comes along that's more outrageous than a priest being caught in a prostitution sting, I just have to report it. Earlier today, our friends at Bleeding Cool posted this little nugget.

The Death of Wolverine in 2014?

I understand that, spinning out of gossip from the Marvel Creative Summit this last week, that next year there is a plan at Marvel to kill Wolverine. In a way that gets round his healing factor and his seems supernatural deal to keep coming back from the grave.

That it may involve the effects of time travel on his body as a result of the Age Of Ultron upcoming series. And also the idea that, even given his reputation as a bloodthirsty killer, this time he may have gone too far…

This is currently just rumour and gossip, but Wolverine will be probably playing a time travel role in the X-Men Days Of Future Past film next year. Who knows, maybe it will have further implications?

In terms of dipshit ideas, this ranks right up there with anything in Rick Santorum's presidential campaign. Killing Wolverine? Marvel's most popular character and the major star of four X-men movies? Has Marvel really gotten that desperate? It's not enough to piss off Spider-Man fans by mind-fucking Peter Parker with the brain of Doc Ock, but are they really willing to piss off Wolverine fans and the women that want to bone him?

Moreover, this shit has been tried before and it hasn't translated into long-term success. Marvel foolishly killed Wolverine (and a fuckton of other characters) in Ultimate and replaced him with a hillbilly, de-aged rip-off. And according to the latest sales stats for January 2013, Ultimate X-men is selling worse than an issue of Wolverine MAX. Another good example is X-men Forever. Haven't read up on that series for a while? Well there's a good reason for that. Because it got fucking canceled! Chris Claremont killed off Wolverine in the first few issues of this series. After just a couple years, the series burned out worse than Vanilla Ice's rap career. Even if this shit is temporary, it's still a fucking stupid idea.

But perhaps I'm being too subtle. After all, they have plenty of reasons for doing something like this. Believe it or not, I get why Marvel likes to kill off big characters. It's not their fault. It's ours. It's us, the fans. For reasons that would make Aristotle himself blow his brains out, we still buy into this shit. We give Marvel our money. And if they find out tomorrow that fans will buy a couple stacks of paper with a dick on each page, they'll fucking do it and they'll keep doing it until it stops working. The sad truth is these tactics of killing big name characters still work. And we have nobody to blame but ourselves. So I guess I can't be mad at Marvel. I have to be mad at fans like myself. Fuck, that sucks. I need a drink. Nuff said!

X-men Supreme Reflections: Kurt Wagner is LIVE!

Hope everybody had a happy Valentines Day! It's time for another bit of introspection in the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. As X-men Supreme has grown, I've developed a greater appreciation for the challenges Marvel faces in keeping their series fresh. The comics have kept it going for decades. The X-men Supreme fanfiction series has only been around for about three years. In other words, it has a long ways to go! But I love rising to the challenge. Marvel often tries to explore new sides to certain characters as the times change. I feel X-men Supreme Reflections helps with that.

That brings me back to Nightcrawler. As I've said before, he's a character who has undergone some of the most dramatic changes in the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. His whole life story is very different, even though his personality may be the same. He was not raised by adopted parents in X-men Supreme. There's no mystery either about where he came from and who his parents are. Both Mystique and Azazel have played a significant part of his life. So has his adopted sister, Rogue. When I introduced him in Issue 22: Family and Fiends Part 1 I knew I would be taking a chance on a fan favorite character. Overall, I think it has paid off. And now that Nightcrawler is dead in the comics, that gives me all the more incentive to make sure he's as awesome as he deserves to be in the X-men Supreme fanfiction series! As such, I hope his ailing fans appreciate his entry into the X-men Supreme Reflections series.

X-men Supreme Reflections: Kurt Wagner

I really enjoy exploring the personal sides of the X-men. There's just so much to tell and I feel as though fans really respond to getting to know the thoughts and feelings of their favorite characters. I know it may not be as exciting as some of the other major events in the X-men Supreme fanfiction series, but I think it's vital to the overall story. But I'm always open to new ways of thinking. That's why it's very important that readers take the time to provide feedback for each new entry of X-men Supreme. If you're one of the ailing Nightcrawler fans, I really want to know how you feel about his portrayal in this fanfiction series. Please contact me or post your thoughts here. I'm always open to constructive criticism. I want to make X-men Supreme as awesome as it deserves to be and I can't do that without feedback! Until next time, take care and best wishes! Excelsior!

Jack

Cable and X-Force #4 - Not-So-Fast Awesome

Whenever I walk into a shitty movie where I didn't sneak in enough whiskey, I stumble out through the fire exit and run to the nearest bar to get drunk enough so that I forget I wasted my hard earned money. There's no way around it. The law of averages dictate that every now and then you'll pay good money for something that turns out shitty, boring, repetitive, or anything else that can be associated with a Glenn Beck rant. I like to think I've become pretty adept at avoiding this shit in comics, but no matter how good I am the law of averages, much like the laws for public drunkenness, always catch up with me.

I had high hopes for Cable and X-Force. It was a book that promised to answer some burning questions, namely what the fuck was Cable doing while the Phoenix Force nearly took a cosmic shit on the world? Dennis Hopeless was tasked with creating a new team and a new mission for Cable in the post-Avengers vs. X-men world. And in the first issue, there was plenty of promise for this title. His team ended up waving their dicks in the face of the Avengers too much and were branded criminals. We even got a brief hint of the future where they're both on the run, in deep shit, and dealing with an incredibly pissed off Colossus who already has a long list of reasons to be pissed off.

But that first few issue had its flaws and over the course of the next two issues, those flaws festered like an infected rectal wart. In my past two reviews I've had to take extra bong hits to keep myself from getting too frustrated by the repetitive, slow-paced, boring progress that this story has made. I get that Hopeless is taking his time and trying to give the readers an ominous sense of just how fucked up things have become for Cable. But it has long since gotten past the point of being ominous. After two issue that were pretty much the same fucking issue, this series has been by far one of the weakest X-books of Marvel NOW!

But like a shitty movie where I manage to sneak in some extra whiskey, I've stuck around. At least in the previous issue, we found out the source of these killer mutant blobs that Cable have been giving Cable crazy visions of the future. It ended up being a fast food chain of all things, basically what Chick-Fil-A only wishes they could be if they somehow had a magic poison that only killed gays, Muslims, and non-Christians. It's about as interesting as it sounds and after two repetitive issues, this series is out of excuses. Shit either has to make sense or I'm getting the fuck out of this shitty theater and hitting the bar.

The fourth issue of this series once again uses the same gimmick as the first three, showing a quick time-skip in the beginning and then trying to explain how everything got so fucked up. Non-linear time can be a beautiful thing in a story, but like golden toilet that has been shit on one too many times it can still end up stinking. And unlike the previous issues, this one isn’t even that ominous. All it does is show Cable and X-Force blowing up their base and lofting around, deciding that they’re going to need to lay low until this whole terrorist gimmick. Last I checked, Bin Laden tried that and got shot through the eye. So not only is very little revealed by this flash-forward other than Colossus may get a chance to bone Domino, it shows the X-men employing a tactic we know doesn’t even work in real life. So for future issues, I think Dennis Hopeless needs to find a new way to be ominous. Because when you become too predictable, you sort of defeat the purpose.

Back to the near past, the battle against the bloated mutated humans called “girthers” has begun to unfold. The mission for X-Force was pretty basic in the previous issue. They were supposed to break into this facility of vegetarian-enraging activity, destroy the virus that Ms. Wannabe Chick-Fil-A was using to poison humans, and get back in time to watch Simpsons reruns. Since a mission never goes that smoothly in an X-men comic, they now have to fight against these bloated girthers. It makes for the kind of battle that’s actually quite fitting for X-Force. They’re supposed to take on the missions that regular X-men can’t and what self-respecting X-man would want to fight an army of overly hungry fat-asses? Hell, if they want that, they’ll pick a fight with Eagles fans.

What isn’t quite as in line with X-Force’s traditional “kill these assholes and let Odin sort them out” approach is that they actually try to save these fat bloated monsters. These aren’t your typical manufactured monsters Weapon X shits out on a Tuesday. These are regular humans who have been infected by a virus and turned into contestants for the Biggest Loser. So Dr. Nemesis does make an effort to find a cure and Cable makes an effort not to shoot them in the head. But he still shoots them so I think it does balance out nicely.

While Dr. Nemesis is sedating the girthers, Cable and Colossus break off to try and salvage what they can from this mission. They would probably have better luck giving Chris Brown sensitivity training because they find out that the trucks carrying this fat-ass inducing virus are gone. Colossus reveals that while he was on watch, shit just started blowing up and he didn’t see who was responsible. It’s as contrived as it sounds. And while they’re trying to coordinate with Forge to track the trucks, Deathlok unexpectedly shows up.

Again, I’m not sure if Dennis Hopeless is trying to be ominous here. If so, I think he needs a new dictionary. I know Deathlok has been active in X-Force books recently, most notably Uncanny X-Force. It’s not completely unreasonable for him to show up in another X-book, but he doesn’t do jack shit here. Is he supposed to be behind the missing trucks? Is he supposed to be behind the shit storm we know X-Force will face in the near future? For all we know, he got lost looking for the shitter after having one too many beers. That’s how poorly organized and poorly detailed this scene is. I’m sure it’ll be revisited in future issues, but not even a fucking hint? That’s like a stripper that only shows you her ankle. You’re not going to get anything good out of it.

The confusing disorganization continues in this issue because somehow in between panels Dr. Nemesis has been able to start tests on a cure for the virus. I understand that comics can’t be too realistic. In the real world it takes an ocean of paperwork and multiple blowjobs to multiple bureaucrats to approve a drug that will treat half a symptom of a chronic disease. But somehow he’s able to set up his lab and start testing cures? How the fuck does that work and how does it all happen in between panels? That’s another issue that is utterly glossed over, so much so that you really don’t mind that one of his treatments goes horribly wrong and he ends making the girthers even more monstrous than before. It’s now to the point where even the Biggest Loser wouldn’t bother.

X-Force has to get back to non-contrived activities once more. Colossus and Cable return to help the others subdue the rest of the girthers. Domino even joins them by driving a truck through the fucking walls, a tactic usually reserved for corned ex-girlfriends but it works just as well against killer blog monsters. Again, the desire to not kill them when they’re clearly tempting them makes for good drama. But when the monster girther shows up, that conflict becomes a “Kill or be eaten like fried chicken at Homer Simpson’s house” scenario.

Dr. Nemesis reveals they do have an option that involves using a weaponized strain of the gunk they encountered a couple issues ago. While this does provide some nice connectivity for the arc, Colossus is dead set against it. This is a guy whose balls underwent significant shrinkage after the events of Avengers vs. X-men both because his side got screwed over and because his sister pwned him in ways that no sibling has ever been pwned. But it does help explain why he was so pissed in an earlier flash forward and adds a nice touch of drama to what is otherwise an obscenely disorganized issue.

In the end, however, Colossus doesn’t get his way. He tries to stop Cable, but he fails and he uses the weaponized gunk to neutralize the girthers. It’s ugly, it’s messy, and it’s pretty damn brutal. In other words, it’s basically what you expect from an X-Force comic. That is one detail that Dennis Hopeless hasn’t overlooked. The conflict with Colossus and his unwillingness to kill adds a badly needed element of depth into a battle that is in its purest form a battle against fast food monsters.

At the end of the issue we finally do catch up to that initial moment that was shown in the first issue. We finally see the moment where Cable and X-Force are standing over a pile of dead bodies while the authorities, including the Uncanny Avengers, look at them in the same way a pissed off husband looks at his wife while she’s banging the neighbor. But at this point, it really lacks impact. While we do have an explanation for why they ended up in the crosshairs of the Avengers, it’s an explanation that didn’t need to be so drawn out and disorganized. Hell, just a few panels that described evil fast food chains and the monsters they sought to create would have sufficed. And details like Deathlok’s unexpected appearance don’t really add many clues as to what they can expect other than being labeled terrorists. If this is how the first arc of Cable and X-Force ends, it ended way too late to be exciting. Hell, all it really does it make me hungry for a Five Guys burger.

It has taken four fucking issues, but we finally have an explanation as to why Cable and his new team of X-Force are right up there with the IRS and divorce lawyers in terms of being utterly vilified. Yet because this story has unfolded so slowly and followed such a formulaic path, I find it hard to feel anything from it. Like an overworked hooker, it just can’t get the blood flowing in the right direction. Cable and his team are terrorists for attacking a fucking fast food plant. Granted, the owner of the fast food joint is evil in a way that Chick-Fil-A only dreams about, but the way it plays out is just painfully bland and disorganized.

At least with this issue, the events of the previous issues and all those annoying flash-forward at the beginning make sense. If Dennis Hopeless intended this arc to make Cable and his team fugitives, I think he did succeed. And he did it with some rather novel concepts. I mean when was the last time the X-men had to battle monsters born from a conspiracy in a fast food chain? In the post-Super Size Me era, I think it’s entirely appropriate to have an enemy who hates mutants also be someone who sells cheap shitty food that would give any self-respecting vegetarian seizures. But the whole concept of the monster girthers and the way the battle played out was just too underwhelming. It had all the elements of an X-Force comic, but it lacked the dark and gritty impact that is supposed to make these books awesome.

The biggest problem with this issue and this arc is the organization. It could have easily ditched the whole flash-forward at the beginning, put that at the end, and have it make sense. But following the same pattern that the previous three issues have followed just makes it too formulaic and predictable. In addition, the whole issue with finding a cure for the girthers in the middle of the battle fucked up the sense of time and progression. Not only that, Deathlok’s presence seemed random and contributed absolutely nothing to the plot. It was still an awesome battle and one where Colossus’s desire to not kill the men added some badly needed drama. But in the end, it just fell flat.

If this comic were a movie, I would have walked out by now and tried to wipe a few cups of popcorn butter in the process. We already knew that this arc was going to end with Cable and X-Force becoming fugitives. The story that got them to this point was just too slow, too poorly organized, and too boring. While I’m curious as to how Cable’s team will function, I would rank that curiosity slightly below my fascination with the mole on my scrotum. I can only give Cable and X-Force #4 a 2.5 out of 5. This issue was an improvement over the previous issues, but in the most negligable possible way. All you need to know is that Cable and X-Force are criminals now and probably on the shit list of every fast food joint in the world. That may be good for their arteries, but it isn’t good for this comic so far. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go treat my arteries to a few juicy Five Guys burgers dipped in tequila. Nuff said!

Uncanny X-men #1 - A Revolution In Awesome

A few years back I was at a funeral and after I had a few glasses of wine in me (or 20), I made a joke about a guy who put fire crackers in his ass and walked into a gay bar. I don't remember the details, but I do remember pissing a lot of people off because the deceased in question had died from an unfortunate accident at a fireworks stand. The guy's brother, who also had some wine in him, yelled, "Too soon!" and threw an empty wine bottle at me. The resulting bar fight got us kicked out of the funeral home/pool hall/tire care center. But a valid point was made. Sometimes you do have to wait a bit before you can be politically incorrect with your sense of humor again. I don't agree with it, but it spares us the indignity of being sued and a hefty bar tab.

The same logic applies to relaunched comic books. Like a bad joke about fireworks at a funeral, a relaunched series can come way too fucking soon if it was recently ended in a way that was anything but definitive. This goes double for when a series was already relaunched in the same span of time that can be covered by a couple of seasons of the Walking Dead. Ever since DC made relaunching the sexy thing to do, everyone seems to be trying to whore themselves out to the trend. Like parachute pants, the macarana, and the crocs certain trends in comics are a slave to gimmicks.

This is why I couldn't help but roll my eyes when I heard that Marvel was relaunching Uncanny X-men again. It really wasn't that long ago, even to a drunk that blacks out ever Friday night, that Marvel ended one of its longest running ongoing books with Uncanny X-men #544. I actually reviewed the damn book and thought it was a beautifully definitive ending to a landmark series. And when it was relaunched again as Uncanny X-men #1 under Kieron Gillen, I also reviewed that shit and thought the bar was raised even higher. But after only 20 fucking issues, it ended again so that it could be relaunched yet again as part of Marvel NOW!

Now let's not kid ourselves. Marvel wouldn't do this shit if it didn't work on some levels. They noticed with DC that comic fans are stupid enough to buy extra copies of any book so long as it has that magical #1 on the cover. I don't like it and it speaks very poorly of fanboys everywhere, but the sales speak for themselves and I'm not in a position to bitch about the basic rules of economics. Marvel and DC need to turn a profit and if these bullshit gimmicks work, they would be irresponsible to their yuppie shareholders if they didn't milk that teat until it was whithered and dry.

Relaunching Uncanny X-men again really isn't necessary. Uncanny X-men #20 ended with Cyclops and his Extinction Team in ruin. But since then, he's busted out of prison and rebuilt his team under a new revolutionary motto. It's put him on the shit list of the Avengers and his own fellow X-men, so much so that Beast fucked with the space time continuum to bring back the Original Five X-men. It suddenly make Cyclops admit that he was a douche, but it did set the stage for a new direction for his team. It could easily be a continuation of what Kieron Gillen started. However, I know and Marvel knows that they'll make a fuckton more money by relaunching it. So I guess for the sake of Marvel's profits and the cocaine-fueled orgies it provides for, Marvel is relaunching a new era of Uncanny X-men and Cyclops has yet another new team to lead.

Uncanny X-men #1 begins this new era by reminding readers that the X-men were fucked over with a cosmic sized dildo by the events of Avengers vs. X-men. SHIELD and the Avengers still consider Cyclops a fugitive because for some reason making a global utopia became a crime at some point. And to find him, they’ve found a mysterious and unrevealed figure who was captured and is willing to talk without their lawyer present. Apparently, this person hasn’t been arrested for public intoxication enough to know that the constitution can be your friend and can piss off those in uniform. But this person doesn’t seem to give a shit. After Maria Hill makes doubly sure that this person has been checked and searched in ways that even the TSA would find intrusive, she sits down with him to have a little chat. We don’t know who this person is, but since Bendis did indicate in earlier teasers that someone would betray Cyclops, readers should have a tiny inkling. Whether that inkling is correct or the result of sniffing too much paint thinner remains to be seen, but will be revealed soon enough.

The ominous figure basically gives Maria Hill and the readers by default an overview of their situation. The mutant population is growing faster than herpes at a Tijuana crack house and since the world is ill-equipped to deal with them, Cyclops has taken charge as the de-facto voice of this new generation. He’s no self-loathing Kurt Cobain either, despite being a fugitive and having killed Charles Xavier. He’s taking on a very revolutionary role, seeking to confront those who get boners from harassing mutants and forcing them to find other ways to jerk off. And while Cyclops may be a criminal in the eyes of SHIELD and the Avengers, he’s seen as a hero by many mutants and even a few humans.

We already saw hints of this in All New X-men #7 when a cute little bank teller showed her support for mutants by helping O5 Cyclops (and possibly wanting to bone him). But the whole notion that not everyone agrees with the Avenger’s official story of “Cyclops is evil because he tried to make a global utopia.” He’s still a hero in the eyes of many and that’s a good thing because the way Avengers vs. X-men ended made so little sense that the NFL has placed it in the same category as a concussion in terms of head injuries. It also adds some balance to Cyclops’s revolutionary approach. It shows that his approach actually is resonating with people and there’s not a damn thing that SHIELD or the Avengers can do about it.

As the mysterious traitor is explaining to SHIELD how fucked they are, we shift to events that apparently happened before this little interview. It’s a fairly typical scene in terms of an X-men story. A young mutant named Fabio (not to be confused with the guy women in the 90s fantasized about during sex) has manifested new powers that involve him shooting these strange looking balls from his body. There are just so many dick jokes I can make from that so I’ll take an extra shot of whiskey to hold back for now. The point here is that like the other new mutants in All New X-men, this unfortunate young man can’t control his powers and rather than help him the police decide to taze his unlucky ass. It’s the kind of thing we’ve seen in X-men comics many times before, but since this is a new #1 for Uncanny X-men it isn’t just appropriate for this issue. It’s almost as necessary as a beautiful woman with kinky sexual proclivities in a James Bond movie.

Since these cops have clearly decided that shit like due process and justice doesn’t apply to mutants, Cyclops and his team of revolutionaries show up to give them a brief lesson in the constitution. And unlike the boring civics classes we all took in high school, this one involves a hot Australian chick fucking with time. This is the same hot Australian chick from the first issue of All New X-men. Only now, she goes by the code-name Tempus and under Cyclops’s guidance she’s learned to control her powers to the point where she can create a big ass dome of space that would make Einstein himself proud. It allows them to subdue the authorities without making it hurt, which may be disappointing to anyone who ever got one too many bullshit traffic tickets. But at least it’s more efficient than their previous methods of just blowing shit up and it helps make a better impression on Fabio, who Cyclops attempts to help.

But as is often the case in any mission involving the X-men, killer robots show up. Now it’s not even hinted at by the mysterious traitor or anything for that matter where the fuck these sentinels came from and who sent them. I guess they’re available in every Wal-Mart or something because for some reason they’re able to just show up right where the X-men happen to be and fuck with them. This wouldn’t be too big a deal under most circumstances, but as was also revealed in All New X-men and repeatedly mentioned in the issue itself Cyclops’s team is operating with powers that have been utterly shat on by the Phoenix Force. Emma doesn’t have her telepathy. Cyclops can’t control his blasts. And Magneto doesn’t have the power to turn these robots into giant dildoes anymore.

It’s an important detail to reinforce because not only was this story first mentioned in All New X-men, but it adds a very difficult complication to Cyclops’s mission. It’s also a very stark shift from what they dealt with under Kieron Gillen. Before Avengers vs. X-men, Cyclops’s team wielded the kind of power that could take on a Celestial that had been hot wired by Sinister and come out largely intact. Now they’re powers are fucked up and they can barely handle typical sentinels, which forces them to improvise in the battle. Yet they still remain focused on helping the mutant. It provides a very different set of circumstances that helps make this book truly feel like a new #1.

Yet while their powers may be fucked up, that doesn’t mean they can’t pack a punch. As the mysterious traitor so eloquently narrates, Cyclops’s team was able to subdue to Sentinel attack and in a way so flashy you won’t find it outside a Lady Gaga concert. Cyclops, despite his powers being fucked up, manages to unleash a massive optic blast that effectively destroys the Sentinels and leaves him feeling like he just had a three way with Emma Frost and Jean Grey. He says it felt good and why shouldn’t it? When did destroying giant robots stop feeling good? But it does hint that his powers are more messed up than we think and if it can somehow lead to the destruction of more Sentinels, then the folks at SHIELD are even more fucked than they initially thought.

But enough with the ominous hints! Who the fuck is this traitor that knows so much about this battle? Well first off, he makes a clear point that it would be stupid to try and just kill Cyclops with your typical unwarranted, illegal drone strike. That would only make him a martyr to mutants everywhere. The only way to beat him is to humiliate him publically in a way that can only be matched by having him shit himself while wearing a dress during the halftime show at the Superbowl. And who is in the best position to do that? How about fucking Magneto?

Yep! He’s the traitor. The guy who used to try to kill the X-men at least once a week has betrayed Cyclops. Excuse me while I act more unsurprised than I did when I found out one of the members of N’sync was gay. He claims that he’s pissed at Cyclops for killing Charles Xavier and fucking up his powers. His powers I can understand, but this guy used to torment Xavier like it gave him a hard-on. It’s only now that someone else has succeeded that he’s pissed? I find that to be pretty fucked up logic, but I think him being pissed about his powers more than makes up for it. I won’t say this is a big twist by any stretch because it’s fucking Magneto. But I will say that it is perfectly appropriate given the context of this book.

So in the end this new era of X-men begins with a sentinel attack, fucked up powers, new mutants, a traitor in the team, and a bald Magneto. It’s basically a pretty typical Thursday night in the Marvel universe where someone brought one too many kegs. The challenge for any comic that slaps a #1 on the front cover is to actually make it feel like a #1 and not just another cheap tactic by the Marvel marketing department. I personally don’t mind when a whore takes my money so long as I get something out of it, even if it stains my bed sheets. I know some do and I would tell those people to unclench their assholes because even if it is a shameless gimmick, it can still make for an awesome product. Uncanny X-men #1 succeeded in being worthy of that #1 and it didn’t even leave a stain on my bed sheets!

After reading this issue, it really does feel like a different kind of Uncanny X-men compared to what Kieron Gillen did during his run. This is a different team with a different set of circumstances. Yet on the surface, the mission is beautifully traditional in that it gets to the most basic elements of an X-men story. A new mutant has manifested powers and the authorities only response seems to be shitting themselves and harassing them, hopefully in that order. The X-men show up to help the new mutant and shit gets a little messy when killer robots enter the picture, as they so often do.

But what set this issue apart was twist at the end. Maybe it doesn’t count as a twist because Brian Bendis already pointed out months ago when we were still eating Christmas leftovers that there would be a traitor in Cyclops’s team. Well, this is one instance where the traitor doesn’t exactly make the readers gasp like they just saw their father in a gay porno, but it does make perfect sense. Magneto being the traitor just works and his little narration with SHIELD nicely summarized the current state of mutant affairs. A first issue needs to have some level of exposition and the problem with most comics is it either becomes more boring than a Dick Cheney interview or the writers just say, “Fuck it! Bring in the killer robots!” This issue struck a solid if not poetic balance. However, Magneto being bald still makes him look like a pedophile.

While this issue succeeded in being a worthy first issue of a new era of Uncanny X-men, it did have a few prominent flaws. First and foremost, it basically ignored the events of All New X-men. We already know about Cyclops’s new revolutionary team from what happened in All New X-men. We also saw him look like a baby in a topless bar when he saw his younger self and a young Jean Grey. However, that seemed to have about as much effect on his actions in this comic as another DUI for Lindsey Lohan. Moreover, there was no mention of where the fuck he got that new X-shaped visor. I’m not channeling my inner metrosexual or anything, but he didn’t have that shit in All New X-men. So where the fuck did it come from and why wasn’t it explained? Even if you didn’t read All New X-men before you read this issue (and your tastes in comics are utterly fucked if you skipped that book), there’s still the matter of how Magneto ended up with SHIELD anyways. These are the kinds of plot holes that you just can’t cover in mud and claim it was fucked by a horny grizzly and it does make the comic feel incomplete.

Brian Michael Bendis has taken over the X-men comics in a big way. All New X-men has already established him as the man who brought Jean Grey back into the X-books without using the Phoenix. That alone would earn him free blow jobs from every hot cos-player for the rest of the year. But he’s leaving a much bigger mark with his work on Uncanny X-men. His first issue succeeded in being a first issue and in setting up this new world for Uncanny X-men. It isn’t quite as awesome as what he’s done with All New X-men, but he’s got all the necessary tools to make this every bit as awesome. I give Uncanny X-men #1 a 4 out of 5. So the revolution has begun! Cyclops isn’t boning Emma Frost anymore, but he’s still destroying giant robots and pissing Magneto off to the point where he has to shave his head. I’ve never been much for revolutions that don’t offer free booze, but I’m ready to sign up for this one! Nuff said!

X-men Supreme Reflections: Kurt Wagner PREVIEW and New Commission

I've made a number of significant changes to certain characters in the pages of the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. Part of what I really love about the X-men Supreme Reflections series is that I get to really explore those differences. Part f making the X-men Supreme fanfiction series appealing is making it distinct from the material that Marvel comics produces with their comics, cartoons, and movies. As I've said from the outright, I try to blend certain elements from every medium in crafting X-men Supreme. But I also seek to give it my own unique twist.

Few characters have been made more unique in terms of background story as Kurt Wagner. Not only is he one of the most distinct and beloved X-man due to his appearance, but his history also quite unique. In the comics, it is somewhat convoluted. Some revelations, like his biological father Azazel, weren't revealed until the 2000s. Some of those revelations haven't been very popular with X-men fans. Despite this, I still make an effort to incorporate them into this fanfiction series and that has helped me create a very unique Nightcrawler.

In the X-men Supreme fanfiction series, he was not abandoned by his birth parents. His connection to the shape shifting Mystique was not hidden from him. As I've revealed in the series and in his bio, he was raised primiarly by his father, Azazel, and Mystique has always been part of his life. It has led him to develop a unique set of skills and traits in the pages of X-men Supreme, but along the way I make sure that he's still the lovable X-man that so many enjoy. Given that he's currently dead in the pages of Marvel comics, I feel it's important to depict him strongly. As such, he will be the next subject of X-men Supreme Reflections and I've prepared an extended preview.

Both my parents brought me into a world of strength and conflict. As far back as I can remember, zhey always gave me zhat balance zhat vas so important. Zhey vould train me and teach me to be strong, smart, and cunning. Yet zhey vould always couple zhat vith zhe same dedication zhat any parent vould give to their child. Zhey did not always express their love in zhe most traditional of vays. But zhere vas never a point in my life vhere I felt unloved.

I spent most of my childhood in Germany vith my father. As head of zhe Azazel, he had several opulent villas where I had everything a child could vant. However, I vas never spoiled. My father vorked hard to train me from zhe moment I could walk. He first put a sword in my hand vhen I was four at an age vhem most young boys are content vith toy cars. He taught me how to fight, utilizing my agility granted to me by my unique appearance. Every day was a new lesson in strength. My father vould always push me and I vould always do everything I could to impress him. I didn’t always succeed, but I always earned his praise.

It vas a difficult childhood in so many vays. Training and fighting each and every day vas a difficult task for anybody, even if zhey did have zhe legacy of Azazel guiding zhem. I vas still isolated in zhis privileged world. I could not go out into zhe cities of Germany and enjoy a world zhat so fascinated me. I always had to wear zhis cloak my father gave me vhenever ve traveled. I didn’t like it, but I figured out quickly vhy I had to wear it.

Vhen I vas about six years old, my father took me into Berlin. Ve always traveled vith a lot of security so people assumed ve vere diplomats, thus leaving us alone. For whatever reason, I vandered off from his body guards and towards zhis shop zhat had all zhis religious art in zhe vindow. It reminded me a lot of zhe stories my father told me about Limbo and zhe mystic arts. I vas so drawn in zhat I didn’t realize I pulled back my cloak too much. Vhen zhe shopkeeper saw me, she screamed so loud it could be heard for an entire city block.

I didn’t know vhat to say. I vas just a boy and didn’t understand vhy I scared everybody. Zhe shopkeeper came after me vith a knife and some police came after me vith guns. I didn’t have my teleportation powers at zhe time so I ran. I ran for vhat must have been two kilometers before I found what I thought was a safe place in a church that was closed for zhe day. It was a very scary moment. It vould be zhe last time I ever felt such fear. After about ten minutes of hiding, zhe mob of people found me. Zhey tried to corner me in zhe church, but zhey never got zhe chance. My father appeared in front of me, teleporting in a way I vould later master and casting a spell zhat made everybody pass out from a seizure. Zhe danger had passed, but I hung my head low zhat day. My father vas very disappointed in me and did not let my transgression go unnoticed.

But as upset as he vas, he used zhe experience to teach me a lesson. Zhis difficult experience showed vhy I had to cover my face and vhy I had to live an isolated life. I did not look normal. I vasn’t normal. For all I know, I may not be fully human. But zhat didn’t mean I vas vithout humanity. My father said zhese people were ignorant and foolish. I can despise zheir hatred all I want, but I could not let it consume me. Only zhe weak allow themselves to be consumed by hatred and I vas not wea. I vas zhe son of Azazel. I had to have faith zhat regardless of my appearance, I vould rise above an ignorant world and do vhat needed to be done. Zhe only question for me vas why? Vhy must be so strong? Vhat is zhe purpose of me being his son for zhis mission my father seemed so intent on completing?

I vould have to live much of my life without answers. My father could not or would not tell me zhe truth. He always assured me and my mother zhat there vas a good reason why he couldn’t tell us. The reason, it seemed, was a great burden on him and his kind. He wanted to bear that burden alone. He did not vant anyone else to share it. All I could do vas have faith zhat vhatever he vas doing, it vas worth fighting for.

In addition to the preview, I have yet another exciting update to the X-men Supreme website that involves a new commission for the pics section. Brian Brinlee has once again made another wonderful contribution to the X-men Supreme fanfiction series, taking a scene right out of Issue 32: Sinister Intent. It is an important scene in that it was the first time in X-men Supreme that Sinister attacked the X-men. I think this is one of Mr. Brinlee's best to date and you can see for yourself in the pics section!

X-men Supreme Official Panels

I know that the Supreme Reflections spin-offs rarely garner as many comments or as much feedback as the regular X-men Supreme fanfiction series. I'm still hoping to change that. Since Nightcrawler is dead in the current comics, I really hope that this upcoming entry will please his many fans. And if anyone out there has suggestions, feedback, or just wants to chat X-men, please don't hesistate to contact me! I'm always open to discuss ways to make X-men Supreme more awesome. Until next time, take care and best wishes! Excelsior!

Jack