Heart, Rebirth, and Vision: X-men: Red #1

The following is my review of X-men: Red #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When a hero dies and comes back to life, it tends to cause varying degrees of upheaval. For some characters, namely villains like the Joker or icons like Thor, the extent of that upheaval is limited because it's assumed rather than expected that they'll return. The only real upheaval involves how team lineups get reshuffled and how much it'll frustrate heroes like Batman. Heroes returning from the dead is so routine, at this point, that the dramatic impact is almost muted.

Routine or not, the return of Jean Grey after a 14-year death sentence warrants an exception. Few characters affect the entire X-men narrative with their presence or lack thereof. It's impossible to make sense of the major events surrounding the X-men over the past decade-and-a-half without understanding the influence of Jean Grey. Her death and subsequent absence affected the X-men in ways that went beyond any death, resurrection, clone, shape-shifting alien, or time traveler.

As such, her return carries with it the kind of upheaval that's rare in an era where everyone not named Uncle Ben is a candidate for resurrection. That upheaval is still unfolding. With the conclusion of Phoenix Resurrection, there are no more teases or jokes. Jean Grey is back and she's returning to a world that is so different from the one she left that it's difficult to imagine her finding a place in it. After 14 years of functioning without her, a couple superhero civil wars notwithstanding, Jean faces the prospect of finding a new place in this world.

X-men: Red #1 marks Jean's first steps into re-entering a world that has left her behind, but has still struggled in her absence. The state of the X-men is mixed at best and messy at worst, a common byproduct of having too many time travelers and clones. In a sense, the time is right for someone like Jean to come along and get the X-men back on track.

Tom Taylor and Mahmud Asrar set the stage for that effort, establishing a new narrative for her with a new team. The core mission of that narrative is pretty familiar for an X-men comic. It's very much a back-to-basics approach, focusing on the true underpinnings of Charles Xavier's dream of peaceful coexistence. That dream may seem even more remote these days with mutants fighting Inhumans and X-men fighting Avengers. However, that's exactly why Jean's approach is so refreshing.

She doesn't try to reinvent what it means to be an X-man. From the very beginning, she does what the X-men have been doing for 50 years, helping innocent mutants who victims of hate or injustice. Like Charles Xavier before her, she doesn't just stop at saving the day and humiliating anti-mutant lynch mobs. She actually goes out of her way to show compassion and understanding to both scared young mutants and their parents. It's the kind of love and heart that even Charles Xavier couldn't always convey, even when portrayed by Patrick Stewart's uncanny charm.

That personal touch, going out of her way to show an extra bit of compassion, is an element of Xavier's dream that has been notably lacking during Jean's 14-year absence. That's not to say it was completely gone, but there's only so much heart and compassion the X-men can manage when Emma Frost is the lead telepath. X-men Red #1 effectively reaffirms Jean's place as the heart and soul of the X-men. She plays that part well, but that's still only part of the underlying narrative.

In returning from the dead after such a long absence, Jean Grey is in a unique position to assess the X-men and their efforts at human/mutant peace. By not being around during M-Day, Avengers vs. X-men, or the conflict with the Inhumans, she can be more objective than most in judging the effectiveness of their efforts or lack thereof.

Beyond just saving a couple innocent mutants, Jean acknowledges the no-win situation that mutants often find themselves in when attempting to better their situation. When they ban together and create mutant havens like Utopia, they become bigger targets. When they try to live their lives as individuals, they just become easier targets for hate-fueled lynch mobs. In either situation, they're targets and there seems to be no way around it.

When she's not saving innocent mutants, Jean attempts to forge a new path that's somewhere in the middle. It's not enough to just help mutants one at a time. Like Cyclops and Charles Xavier before her, she attempts to give mutants a larger voice on the international stage. While that makes her a target too, it can't be any less nerve racking than being dead for 14 years so there's little doubt that Jean can handle it.

It's her ability to forge a new team of X-men who can help her pursue this vision that brings out the true strength of the narrative. In the same way she injects a little heart into saving innocent mutants, she does the same in recruiting other mutants like Nightcrawler and Namor to her cause. She doesn't approach it like a diplomat or the leader of a mutant army. She just presents her hopes and dreams for a better future for mutants, never talking down to them or acting as though she's right by default. That ends up being more effective, much to the chagrin of every Magneto fan.

That element of heart is a big part of what gives X-men Red #1 so much appeal. It's not just about Jean Grey being alive again and having a chance to contribute to the X-men. It's about infusing elements into the greater X-men narrative that have been missing during her long absence. Even though these are familiar elements to anyone who saw an X-men movie other than X-Men Origins: Wolverine, they still resonate on a personal level that gives the story dramatic weight.

That weight ends up being important, especially at the end when Jean's approach gets tested in a big, brutal way. Heart or no heart, X-men Red #1 still exists in a world of killer robots, evil clones, and potential Skrull agents. There will always be powerful forces looking to strain, wound, or even break the hearts of someone like Jean Grey. The end reveals a threat that is in a position to strain her more than most, but that only makes her efforts more critical.

X-men Red #1 presents a flawed world in which Jean Grey is in a unique position to help. More than anything else, it shows that she has plenty to contribute, despite her long absence. In fact, that same absence puts her in a better position than most. If there's a shortcoming to that concept, it's that the scope of the story too limited.

It feels like it skips some critical elements, like showing Jean adjusting to a world she hasn't been part of for over a decade. Her place in the over-arching narrative of X-men isn't really established and, with the exception of a couple characters, she doesn't get a chance to deepen her personal connections to her new team. Some just end up going along with her because she's Jean Grey. Granted, that's not a bad reason to follow her, given her history, but it can't be the only reason.

This doesn't detract from the core of the story, though. If the goal of X-men Red #1 is to re-establish Jean Grey's place in the X-men, then it succeeds. If part of that goal involves reminding everyone what the X-men stand for and why a little compassion goes a long way, even in the face of hate, then it succeeds in that effort too. Taylor and Asrar do plenty to forge a narrative that remind everybody why Jean Grey was so sorely missed. Hopefully, she gets a chance to explore to pursue that narrative without cosmic forces trying to kill her.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Personal Connections and Alien Invaders: X-men: Gold Annual #1

The following is my review of X-men: Gold Annual #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

The greatness of a character is often proportional to the amount of connections they make over the course of their history. No character ever becomes great just by hanging out with a handful of people and never really interacting with anyone else. Even The Three Stooges make an effort to connect with others in between slap-stick humor and casual violence. In the Marvel universe, connections are hard to keep up with, but some find ways to create their own elaborate web of friends, enemies, and frenemies over the course of their narrative.

While some, namely Wolverine and Spider-Man, end up sleeping with too large a portion of their connections, others manage to expand their web in a variety of ways. With respect to the X-men, few characters network better than Kitty Pryde. Even though she isn't among the original five X-men and had a lot of catching up to do after her debut during Chris Claremont's iconic run, she somehow finds a way to establish herself in every superhero social circle she's in.

Some of it comes from her natural charisma. Some of it comes from her tough, yet likable attitude. Having a pet dragon probably doesn't hurt either. Since taking on a leadership role in X-men: Gold, Kitty Pryde is often in a position to reconnect with old friends and forge new ones. It has already helped her rekindle things with Colossus, a relationship that is still a developing part of the narrative in X-men: Gold. It also gives her more opportunities to reach out to older connections, which she does in X-men: Gold Annual #1.

Marc Guggenheim and Leah Williams work together in an singular, extra-sized story that puts Kitty and her gold team back in touch with the likes of Captain Britain and the Braddock family. It's a connection that she hasn't explored in quite some time, but the story makes clear that the connection remains as strong as ever. Like old friends getting together after life gets in the way, the reunion feels real and genuine. The only difference with the X-men is that life getting in the way often takes the form of superhero civil wars.

The circumstances surrounding the reunion aren't elaborate or contrived. In fact, it adds to the overall realness of the reunion because it involves Brian and Meggan announcing that they've had a baby. Even though the circumstances with such major life events take on some twisted quirks, which is all too common with the X-men, it's still one of those unique moments that feels personal. It only becomes more fanciful when aliens attack.

While that may seem contrived in most other narratives, it's downright inane in an X-men comic. The only way to make it seem meaningful is to give an alien attack some context and that's what Guggenheim and Williams attempt to do in X-men: Gold Annual #1. The attack isn't entirely random, nor is it impersonal either. It actually involves the D'Bari, an alien race with strong, albeit antagonistic, personal connection with Rachel Grey and the entire Grey bloodline. Those familiar with the events of the original Phoenix Saga don't need much context as to why that animosity exists.

Even those unfamiliar with such classic moments in X-men lore won't be too lost because the story makes it a point to establish some emotional stakes, alongside the connections. The angry D'Bari involved, Starhammer, has a valid reason and an understandable motivation for dropping in on Rachel, the X-men, and the Braddock family. That motivation gives the conflict that unfolds some dramatic weight. It's not overly elaborate, but there are personal undertones, which is critical in making any generic alien attack more interesting.

While the connections and the context are there, the depth is somewhat lacking. There's actually more story built into Kitty Pryde, Rachel, and Nightcrawler catching up with Meggan and Brian than there is with the fight against Starhammer. This isn't necessarily a bad thing because those moments make for some of the most meaningful interactions in the story. They're cute, they're heartfelt, and they're even pretty funny at times, which is entirely appropriate when adults gush over a new baby.

However, those moments aren't necessarily balanced or complemented by the conflict that unfolds with Starhammer. If anything, it comes off as detached. It just interrupts Kitty, Rachel, and Nightcrawler's efforts to catch up with old friends and nothing more than that. Even with the personal connections there, the narrative does little to expand or enhance on them. It doesn't undermine them either, but that still results in a great deal of untapped potential.

Some of that lost potential is a byproduct of the pace. While there is plenty of time allotted to exploring the newly-expanded Braddock family, the battle against Starhammer comes off as rushed or condensed. It never gets a chance to be dramatic or epic. For conflict built around a very personal moment that spun out of a very iconic X-men story, it feels like a missed opportunity.

That doesn't stop the resolution from being fitting. Rushed or not, the way in which the X-men and the Braddock family resolve the conflict is very much in keeping with the traditions of both the X-men and Excalibur. The story doesn't try to reinvent or subvert these themes. It just doesn't provide enough depth to make the resolution more memorable.

Despite this, X-men: Gold Annual #1 never feels like an incomplete or empty story. True to the tradition of annuals, it offers a simple, self-contained narrative that leaves no loose ends or unanswered questions. It doesn't attempt to be bigger than it needs to be. It just offers a simple narrative built around strong personal connections. The fact that it somehow manages to squeeze in an alien attack is almost secondary.


Final Score: 6 out of 10

A (Badly Needed) Golden Touch: X-men Gold #1

The following is my review of X-men Gold #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Every era of X-men is defined by an eclectic mix of situational quirks, new uniforms, and re-shuffled lineups. Sometimes the Xavier Mansion, or whatever base of operations the X-men happen to be operating out of at the time, blows up along the way. In any case, these eras usually have definitive traits that set them apart. More than any other franchise, the X-men find unique ways to make certain eras distinct.

The '70s had the All-New, All-Different lineup with fresh faces, new threats, and Chris Claremont's knack for creating over-powered, reality-warping threats. The '80s had X-Factor and Uncanny X-men, the original five X-men and an emerging generation of X-men that would one day make Hugh Jackman a super star. The '90s had the Jim Lee-inspired costumes, two main X-men teams, and an uncanny tendency to make any and all issues in the Marvel universe a mutant issue by default.

These generations stand out in their own unique way, some more than others thanks to iconic art, iconic stories, or whatever non-so-iconic gimmicks slipped through the cracks. By these standards, it's hard to assess the current generation of X-men comics because a great many of those not-so-iconic gimmicks came to define the series. From sterilization plots to a glut of time travelers, it's hard to define this era as all that iconic.

This is why X-men Gold #1 is so vital to current and future generations of X-men. Marc Guggenheim and Adrian Syaf have a golden opportunity, if that's not too loaded a word, to redefine the X-men for a new era, hopefully one that relies less on sterilization, time travelers, and clones. That opportunity never feels wasted as the story that unfolds forges multiple paths into a new era.

The X-men enter this era with a more tarnished reputation than usual. It's not enough that they're mutants, a loaded word that generates the kind of reaction usually reserved for internet trolls and spam email. They're mutants who recently went to war with the Inhumans and didn't exactly conduct themselves in a respectable manner.

They can blame Cyclops, Emma Frost, and fake news all they want. It doesn't change the fact that the X-men come into X-men Gold #1 as those mutants who have gone to war with two separate superhero teams already and didn't exactly come out looking like polished adamantium. That's not a good foundation for peace and understanding. At this point, the public is more inclined to give Victor Von Doom a chance than the X-men.

Kitty Pryde, the X-men's new leader and arbiter of this new era, goes out of her way to acknowledge this in the X-men's battle against Terrax. She rightly points out that if another superhero team had fought this battle, they would be getting smiles, cheers, and positive hashtags. Unfortunately, they're mutants. They're still associated with starting wars, screwing with timelines, and one too many clones. In a city that already deals with Spider-Man's clones, the public is right to be someone muted.

It's the most important feature to the story in X-men Gold #1, as well as the overall theme of the X-men comics moving forward. For years now, they've given the public way too many reasons not to trust them the same way they do other superhero teams. Beyond warring with other superhero teams, mutants are a constant source of chaotic. Regardless of whether or not they put on costumes and try to be superheroes, their powers and their conflicts are like the weather. Sometimes it can be a simple gust of wind. Sometimes it can be a full-blown hurricane.

It's one of those understated, but inescapable aspects about the X-men that sets them apart from other superhero teams. No matter how much good they try to do, the X-men are still mutants and mutants are a chaotic force of nature. People fear that chaos for the same reason that they fear hurricanes.

Guggenheim doesn't hide from this distinction that keeps the X-men from being adored like the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, or whatever other superhero team doesn't have its movie rights tied up by another studio. By acknowledging it, the new host of challenges the X-men face feel genuine.

X-men Gold #1 throws multiple challenges at the X-men from the get-go. Some are of the personal kind. Some are of the kind that require Kitty Pryde to phase a collapsing building through another. The mix of personal issues and public spectacles is very much the gold standard, so to speak, of what gives the X-men their appeal. After so much of their stories have been mired by extinction and sterilization plots, it's a welcome reprieve.

While the themes are refreshing for any jaded X-men fan, the structure of the story is somewhat choppy. The narrative jumps around from moment to moment, rushing through various scenes without taking the time to tie them together in a cohesive way. This makes the story feel rushed. There are many moments, especially the personal moments for Kitty Pryde, that don't get as much depth as they need. It makes X-men Gold #1 feel like one of those comics that needs to be at least 10 pages longer to really work.

Despite the inconsistencies in the story's progression, it's still a satisfying story that offers overdue promise to cast of characters that badly needs it. There's no more fending off extinction, avoiding poison gas clouds, or getting mixed up with one too many cosmic forces. This is just the X-men fighting for peace and understanding in a world that has plenty of legitimate reasons not to give them another chance.

It's the same fight that Charles Xavier led the X-men into back in the days before civil rights was more than just a hashtag. Kitty Pryde and her revamped, revitalized team of X-men, one of which is her ex-boyfriend, carry on that fight in X-men Gold #1 after one too many interludes. It gives hope that the X-men are back to doing what they do best, provided nobody gets sterilized again.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

X-men: Apocalypse - A Strong and Fitting Finale

The following is my review of X-men: Apocalypse, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Within the ever-evolving standards by which superhero movies are gauged, the X-men franchise has been on every end of the spectrum in terms of quality and relevance. This is fitting since, in many ways, the X-men launched the modern era of superhero movies in 2000. That first X-men movie acts as a bridge from the era of excessive camp in Batman and Robin to era of unshakable charm in Iron Man. For that reason, the X-men franchise will always have an important role in the history of superhero movies and cinema in general.

However, the standard that X-men sets in 2000 is not a standard that can apply to X-men: Apocalypse in 2016. Over a decade-and-a-half of maturation, evolution, and even regression at times makes a movie like this difficult to assess. On its own, it’s the capstone to a trilogy that began with X-men: First Class. In terms of the bigger picture, which encompasses the superhero genre as a whole, X-men: Apocalypse enters an era of cinema where the deck is stacked and the standards are exceedingly unfair. However, even within these circumstances, X-men: Apocalypse finds a way to succeed.

X-men: Apocalypse doesn’t attempt to reinvent the superhero movie. It doesn’t attempt to radically alter the formula for making a movie that entertains, inspires, and delights. It simply takes the formula, follows it to the letter, and lets the results speak for itself. Those results, even in a crowded market of heroes fighting heroes and villains acting as heroes, show in both the quality of the movie and the foundation it lays for the future.

Those who saw Captain America: Civil War and Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice will have a very different cinematic experience in X-men: Apocalypse. In 2016, it might be jarring because there are no heroes fighting each other and no Deadpool poking fun at overplayed superhero themes. In nearly any other year, going back to the Richard Donner era, this movie would check all the right boxes for a superhero movie and wouldn’t need to be graded on a curve. Even with such unreasonable standards, X-men: Apocalypse doesn’t shy away from the challenge.

It starts with a daunting threat in En Sabah Nur, the titular villain played by Oscar Isaac. On paper, he’s not a very complex villain. He doesn’t have the charisma of Tom Hiddleston’s Loki or Heath Ledger’s Joker. He’s basically the personification of Social Darwinism, the belief that the strong will survive and the weak must perish. It’s a simple personification and one that leaves precious little room for Isaac’s charisma, but it’s also perfectly consistent with every single iteration of Apocalypse, from the classic X-men comics to the ‘90s cartoon that inspired generations of X-men fans.

What X-men: Apocalypse does with its primary villain is the template for how the rest of this movie unfolds. It doesn’t try to reinvent Charles Xavier, Cyclops, or Jean Grey. At times, as is the case with Hugh Jackman’s brief cameo as Wolverine, it takes iconic moments right from the comics and brings them to life. These are moments presented in a way that has a distinct impact, even for those who have never read an X-men comic in their life.

It’s the complete opposite approach that Josh Trank used in the latest iteration of Fantastic Four. For X-men: Apocalypse, Director Bryan Singer and Producer Simon Kinberg focus on the elements of X-men that make it so iconic. It shows in everything from Apocalypse’s over-the-top personality to Jubilee’s sunglasses and yellow jacket. At times, X-men: Apocalypse feels like several episodes of the old ‘90s cartoon come to life. However, it manages to avoid falling into the same trap of excessive camp that destroyed Batman movies for a decade.

That’s not to say everything in X-men: Apocalypse stays true to the source material. Certain elements are entirely disconnected from the comics and have been since X-men: First Class. Jennifer Lawrence’s Mystique and Evan Peters’ Quicksilver are nothing like their comic or cartoon counterparts. In fact, they’re so different that they might as well be different characters altogether. Remarkably though, this actually improves the tone and themes of the movie.

The past 16 years of superhero movies are fraught with instances where following the comics storylines doesn’t always work. Technically, Roger Corman’s maligned and unreleased Fantastic Four movie is quite true to the source material. However, there are just as many instances, if not more, where ignoring the source material is detrimental, as every Deadpool fan who saw Wolverine: Origins can attest. The key is knowing when to deviate and X-men: Apocalypse follows the same deviations that the previous two movies established.

This means that Mystique is a complex character with motivations that don’t involve tormenting the X-men for reasons she never even tries to justify. This means that Quicksilver is a fun, entertaining, and likable character without a false accent. This means that Quicksilver can follow up follow up his show-stealing, speed scene from X-men: Days of Future Past with another show-stopping spectacle in this movie. These are elements that are entirely absent from the source material, but they work in X-men: Apocalypse because they provide something that the X-men mythos needs, but isn’t present in other mediums.

Singer and Kinberg pick and choose the elements of the source material to highlight and the elements to reject and overall, they choose wisely. The cast in X-men: Apocalypse is much richer than previous X-men movies. It doesn’t rely heavily on more obscure characters like Azazel, Darwin, or Angel Salvador. It reintroduces the X-men’s heavy hitters in Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Nightcrawler, who are given fresh life thanks to the acting talents of Tye Sherriden, Sophie Turner, and Kodi Smit-McPhee.

These are core characters to the X-men mythos. Without them, the X-men are missing a vital piece of their soul. Their presence and their portrayal help give X-men: Apocalypse the sense that it’s a complete X-men movie, not lacking in necessary elements nor trying to make up for them in other ways. It has all the ingredients and it makes use of them.

These ingredients include the continued dichotomy between Charles Xavier and Magneto, which retains the same complexity and constantly-shifting depth that began with Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen back in 2000. Both men have a vision for the mutant race. Both get opportunities to realize parts of that vision with Apocalypse acting as a catalyst. The clash of those visions, which forms the core of nearly every X-men movie that doesn’t involve Deadpool, brings out the core of what makes X-men work.

This core, along with the characters and themes around it, comprise only half the ingredients, though. The rest of X-men: Apocalypse succeeds or fails based on how those ingredients mesh in a plot. In this respect, the movie succeeds in every necessary way, but those looking for more advanced forms of success are just setting unreasonable expectations for a movie that doesn’t try to be more complex than it needs to be.

Apocalypse is the very antithesis of cunning and subtle. He doesn’t try to infiltrate or subvert his enemies. He’s the oldest, most powerful mutant who ever lived. He doesn’t have to resort to the tactics utilized by Hydra, Loki, or the Joker. He only has to use his power to influence and manipulate on a terrifying level that manifests in a massive spectacle that simply cannot be matched by civil wars or superhero brawls.

There is destruction. There is devastation. There is a conflict that consumes the entire planet, not just some airport in Germany or one generic American city. It’s over-the-top and excessive at times, but it’s also entirely appropriate for Apocalypse. What makes it work are the details behind the destruction. The way the young X-men get caught up in this conflict, the way Charles Xavier and Magneto’s visions clash, and the way the final confrontation unfolds all forge a plot that is concise, quick-paced, and coherent.

Not a frame is wasted. Every scene has a purpose. Every moment aids in the progression of the story. While that progression is rushed at times, the plot never gets derailed or chaotic. It never becomes overly elaborate or excessively dense. In a superhero movie built around destruction and spectacle, this is both an accomplishment and a necessity.

That’s not to say there aren’t some elements that slip through the cracks. X-men: Apocalypse employs a long list of iconic X-men characters. Not all of them get a chance to shine, but even those who don’t, such as Psylocke and Angel, don’t have their potential wasted or nullified. For these characters, X-men: Apocalypse is a teaser of sorts, showing off what they can do. For the brief moments they have, they do it well and leave the door open for future opportunities in other X-men movies.

It’s because of these elements that X-men: Apocalypse is unique in that it will confirm the bias of anyone who sees it with a specific intent. Those who are eager to hate it or are burned out on superhero movies can find a reason to not enjoy it. Those who are eager to embrace its excessive fan service and over-the-top spectacle will be able to do so. However, to hate X-men: Apocalypse requires a certain amount of short-sightedness.

What makes X-men: Apocalypse a landmark accomplishment for the X-men franchise has little to do with how it puts together a story and more to do with avoiding mistakes. When assessing the movie in this respect, there’s a certain context to consider when comparing it to other movies in the franchise. Those considerations include the following:

• Does this movie callously kill off major characters off-panel and never mention them again? No, it doesn’t.
• Does this movie include plot details that are wholly inconsistent with the timeline established by other movies? No, it doesn’t.
• Does this movie make egregious changes to a character, such as sewing Deadpool’s mouth shut? No, it doesn’t.
• Does this movie completely undermine iconic moments in the X-men mythos, such as Rogue choosing to cure her mutation or Jean Grey forcing someone to kill her instead of making a heroic sacrifice? No, it doesn’t.
• Does this movie attempt to hide the more colorful visuals of the mythos by making things more real and gritty? No, it doesn’t.

While the lack of flaws don’t necessarily make a movie great, they certainly give a movie a level of polish when seen in the context of its predecessors. X-men: Apocalypse has a level of polish that no X-men movie has achieved to date. It tells a concise, complete story with beloved, iconic characters through a cast of talented, charismatic actors. It checks all the right boxes and even includes a few bonuses, despite leaving a few holes for the cynical to exploit.

Even without the context of other X-men movies, X-men: Apocalypse stands as a complete, concise superhero movie. Singer and Kinberg finally assemble all the right ingredients and cook them in all the right ways. It’s fitting that a franchise built on the concept of mutation must undergo the chaotic and unforgiving process of natural selection to find something that works. X-men: Apocalypse, both as a superhero movie and a cinematic spectacle, works in ways that even the most ardent Social Darwinist cannot deny.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

X-men Supreme Issue 135: Spirit Misguide is LIVE!

I hope everyone enjoyed sitting through Captain America: Civil War multiple times. Now the wait for X-men: Apocalypse can finally begin. While I tend to have a very cynical view of the X-men movies in general, I’m going to try and give X-men: Apocalypse a chance. With Cyclops, Jean Grey, Nightcrawler, Storm, Psylocke, and Angel joining the cast, it would take genuine effort for this movie not to be entertaining on some levels. Although I’ve been wrong before, I do hope to make the wait for this movie easier with the X-men Supreme fanfiction series.

I don’t have Apocalypse in the story just yet, but I do have a few familiar faces from X-men: Apocalypse taking on a major role. One in particular is Nightcrawler. While his story is basically a blank slate in X-men: Apocalypse, he’s already on a difficult journey in the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. Ever since the Family and Fiends arc where he first showed up, he’s been struggling to balance his life with the X-men and with his ailing girlfriend, Amanda Sefton. Then, in the Civilization No Longer Lost arc, that struggle gained a new complication when Amanda fell into a coma after her encounter with Selene and Sinister. While her spirit is still active, her current state is tenuous at best.

I’ve left this conflict unaddressed for a while, even as major arcs like Natural Disorder and Dark Legacy shook the foundations of this fanfiction series. There is a reason for that. I’ve had a specific plan in place for Amanda and Nightcrawler since I introduced them back in X-men Supreme Volume 2: War Powers. I can’t reveal yet where they are in this story, but the payoff is in sight and this issue is the next step towards that payoff. What it leads to will do more than merely shake foundations of X-men Supreme, but I can only tease why for now.

A big part of this next step involves Nightcrawler making a few difficult decisions. I’ve had him struggle with others keeping secrets and making decisions for him. In many ways, it’s part of being a mutant. Nobody decides to be a mutant, living in a world of fearful humans. Beyond just being a mutant, being young also means being in a world where other people make decisions for you all the time. Charles Xavier has tried to teach mutants how to make their own decisions and encourages them to make the right ones. Nightcrawler will have to put those teachings to good use here.

Amanda Sefton is under attack once more. Nightcrawler is still in a vulnerable state, trying to protect the woman he loves while he struggles with other unresolved issues involving the X-men. He still hasn’t confronted his mother after it was revealed in X-men Supreme Issue 120: Sinister Revelations that she is Rose, Wolverine’s former lover. He hasn’t confronted Rogue either about her recent struggles. This is a defining moment for Nightcrawler and one that will set him on a different path. Hopefully, this will tide Nightcrawler fans over until X-men: Apocalypse this theaters.

X-men Supreme Issue 135: Spirit Misguide

With so many X-men fans focused on the release of X-men: Apocalypse, I’m making it my mission to supplement the appetites of those fans with X-men Supreme. The state of the current X-men comics might make that difficult, given how many major X-men characters are dead, MIA, and/or sterilized. I know X-men Supreme cannot be on the same level as the official comics, but I still want to make this fanfiction series awesome to a point where X-men fans can see it as a genuine outlet. And a big part of ensuring that level of awesome is by receiving feedback. So for Nightcrawler fans and X-men fans and general, please take the time to review this issue or any other issue of X-men Supreme when you get a chance. Either contact me directly or post it directly in the issue. Either way is fine. Until next time, take care and best wishes. Excelsior!

Jack

X-men Supreme Issue 135: Spirit Misguide PREVIEW!

It’s another one of those uncertain times for the X-men Supreme fanfiction series. The X-men have just quelled a major threat in the Mutant Liberation Front, albeit at a price. Natural Disorder now joins the likes of Uprising, Overlord, the Phoenix Saga, and Dark Legacy as instances where the X-men have saved the world from the brink of destruction. However, as is often the case with X-men, their struggle is far from over. There are still plenty of unresolved conflicts in this fanfiction series that continue to brew.

One of them has been brewing since the Civilization No Longer Lost arc in X-men Supreme Volume 5: Dark Truths. That arc saw the apparent death of Selene and the return of Amanda and Margali Sefton from exile to the hidden city of Nova Roma. This city, which Selene helped found, had been insulated from the world for years, hidden by magic. Now, it is going through a transition period, no longer able to hide in a magical cloak. It is also where Nightcrawler has remained, choosing to stay out of the X-men so he can protect his ailing girlfriend.

It has been a growing conflict since Nightcrawler was first introduced to X-men Supreme in the Family and Fiends arc. Amanda Sefton has been keeping a lot of secrets from him. Inside her is an immense power that has been brewing since the day she was born. That power is part of a much larger conflict that I’ve been developing in X-men Supreme across multiple volumes. That conflict will continue to unfold and it’s about to take another major step.

Just because Selene is not in the picture anymore doesn’t mean that there aren’t other forces looking to exploit Amanda Sefton’s secrets. Nightcrawler has already encountered more than his share, but he’s about to face more. And he won’t be able to face it alone. The X-men still consider him a friend and now that Rogue has returned to the team, it also has enormous family implications. And this is on top of the implications surrounding Mystique being Wolverine’s former lover, Rose. So there are plenty of conflicts to go around.

As the X-men Supreme fanfiction series moves forward, a few major conflicts will undergo major shifts. Now that the Mutant Liberation Front has been given a serious blow, I’ll be setting up another major development that will shake the X-men to their core. And no, it’s not another sterilization plot. I feel like that’s worth mentioning. But the first small step of this shift will begin in this issue. As always, I’ve prepared a preview to give readers a hint of what and who this shift will entail.

“ERRRR! SUBMIT YOU SON OF A HARPIE!”

“I’m still learning your language. I take it zhat vas an insult,” said Kurt, now using his own wooden sword to block the attack, “Very well, I’ll put this in words you can understand. You need to do better.”

The gladiator was started upon hearing the young mutant speak in native Nova Roman. Even in his German accent, the message was clear. Kurt added to it by launching an attack of his own.

Using his agility once more, Kurt slipped under his opponent’s sword and rolled to the side. As the gladiator turned around to block, Kurt went in low for another strike. He landed it right on the back of the knee, sending a sharp sting through the powerful man’s leg. This kept him from moving around as quickly. It allowed Kurt to get in behind him, deliver a punishing blow to the back, and follow up with a strike to the head.

“Ungh!” he grunted.

“Now it’s your turn to submit,” said Kurt in an overly calm tone.

Since the man was so disoriented, it was a simple matter of slipping around again and striking his arm. This caused him to drop his sword, which in a Gladiator match was grounds for disqualification. Kurt kept him from retrieving it by stabbing him with the tip right in the sternum. Even through his armor, the man felt it. He fell back in defeat, getting the wind knocked out of him in the process. He was defeated, yet Kurt took little satisfaction in the victory.

“I didn’t even have to use my teleportation powers,” the German mutant, “Training used to be so rewarding. I almost wish our roles vere reversed.”

“Hnn…” groaned the gladiator.

He clearly didn’t listen or understand. It added to Kurt’s frustration. Few could understand his predicament. It was a bad sign when training was his only solace. Nova Roma’s famous markets, bath houses, and parties were of little appeal. How could they when the woman he loved was in a coma? Shaman and Margili worked on a daily basis to resolve her condition. Ever since Selene’s defeat, there had been no progress.

Kurt sighed and tossed his wooden sword aside. Gladiators always refused help from the victors so he didn’t bother offering a hand. He would have to find another opponent now. He had defeated nearly every amateur and a few professionals. As the training grew blander, his outlook wasn’t as hopeful. He was so jaded from the monotony that he didn’t realize Amanda’s spirit appearing behind him.

“Wow, even in spirit form I’ve never seen someone so indifferent to victory,” said the astral figure of Amanda Sefton.

“Guten tag to you too, Amanda,” said Kurt flatly, “I take it Shaman has taken a break from zheir latest round of failed spells.”

“They’re taking a break to give Illyana some training. I hope that’s not disappointment in your voice.”

“Nein, I’ve grown used to the lack of progress. Your own indifference shows that you have as well.”

“Perhaps it has. That’s not necessarily a good thing.”

“I never said it vas.”

Kurt’s demeanor remained stoic as he walked out of the training arena. Amanda’s spirit followed him closely. She tried flying in front of him, but he kept on walking. He nearly walked right through her. It was one of the many frustrations of only being able to communicate in astral form. They couldn’t embrace one another, make love to one another, or share a simple kiss. It bothered her as much as it did Kurt.

“Come on, love. I hate seeing you like this. You look so…”

“Distant? Jaded? Upset?” offered Kurt.

“I was going to say bored, but now you’ve given me more reasons to worry,” said Amanda as she hovered next to him.

“I don’t mean to concern you, liebe. I’m my own greatest frustration. After seeing zhe X-men defeat zhe Mutant Liberation Front, I realized something. Other zhan worrying about you, I’m doing nothing of value. Me being by your side is not making a difference.”

“I don’t believe that. Not for a minute,” said Amanda strongly, “Having you here has made all the difference. My spirit would be outshined by a candle if it weren’t for you.”

“I feel like I should be doing more,” mused Kurt.

“You’re doing plenty. It’s not like we’re completely cut off. Ever since Shaman taught me more about astral forms, I’ve entered your dreams on a regular basis. All that astral lovemaking has made a difference. I can feel it.”

“Not zhat I don’t enjoy it, but it still doesn’t change anything. You’re no closer to vaking up from your coma. At zhe same time, I’m just vasting time in zhe lave of luxury while zhe X-men fight all zhese battles. I even heard zhat Rogue rejoined zhe team. I vas trained to fight. I vas taught to make a difference. Yet here I am, doing as much as I can vhile doing less zhan I should. It just feels…wrong.”

Kurt kept on walking, feeling Amanda’s presence close by with each step. She didn’t offer an immediate response. He didn’t expect her to give one. This was an issue before she was in her coma, him having all these skills yet not being able to utilize them. It was a major source of strain and it was only getting worse.

After a prolonged silence, Kurt stopped walking. He sighed and held his head low. This wasn’t fair to Amanda. She had it way worse than him, yet he was the one complaining. Swallowing his frustrations, he turned to face his ghostly lover.

“I’m sorry for brooding, my love. I don’t mean to…”

Kurt froze the moment he saw Amanda’s ghostly form. Something was wrong. She was no longer in a clear form.

“Kurt…feeling something…the Cheyarafirm…help me!”

“Amanda! Amanda, vhat’s happening?! You’re breaking up!” he said with new urgency.

Kurt reached out to her, but as soon as he touched her astral form it dissolved. It faded so quickly that she literally disappeared in his arms. He had that sinking feeling again. Amanda was often the victim of forces beyond her control. This felt like something new.

“So much for being bored,” said the German mutant groaned, “I’m coming, Amanda!”

The evolution of the X-men Supreme fanfiction series will continue and X-men Supreme Volume 6: Liberation Decimation will bring about huge changes. We’ve seen it happen in the comics many times before. Conflicts become so great that it shakes up the X-men in ways they don’t expect. I’ve done that before with this fanfiction series, but not like this. In order to ensure that I shake things up in all the right ways, it’s very important that I continue to get feedback. Reviews help me know that I’m doing something right and avoiding doing something wrong, like forced sterilization plots. So please help me keep X-men Supreme awesome. Send your feedback to me directly or post it on the comment section of this website. Until next time, take care and best wishes. Excelsior!

Jack

Possible X-men: Apocalypse SPOILERS!

I don’t normally do this, but I felt like I had to make a big fucking exception for this. First of all, I know this is going to rub a certain set of people the wrong way. To those people I say, go back to 1996. This is 2016. The internet is here and it’s here to stay. That means shit is going to be spoiled. Movies, TV shows, video games...all of it will be spoiled. If you like spoilers, stay off the internet. For some people, that’s just too fucking hard and too fucking bad.

That said, here’s the deal. Some major spoilers may or may not have leaked for X-men Apocalypse. It’s still a little more than two months before the release. That means someone is blowing someone else to get info on screenings, scripts, etc. Someone’s jaw must be sore because someone on the internet toilet/treasure trove known as 4chan has posted what appears to be a full run-down of the events of X-men Apocalypse.

Now full disclosure here. I have no fucking clue as to how valid this is. It may be an elaborate act of trolling. It might be someone who just happened to blow the right person at Fox. But since I’m in the business of sharing juicy details with X-men fans, here it is, courtesy of some help from the fine folks at the CBR message boards.

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Begins with "2001"-esque imagery of the birth of humanity with a narration by Xavier on the different approaches of science and religion to evolution, and how sometimes they can become one and the same, as we see a caveman become possessed by Apocalypse.

Cut to ancient Egypt. Apocalypse is in an old, withered body, as his followers wait outside his temple, chanting his name and praying for his ressurrection. The Four Horsemen, hooded figure with techno-stone suits, bring a man (Oscar Isaac) into the chamber. The priestress slashes the man’s neck, but he recovers. He’s a mutant with Wolverine-tier healing. He’s one of the followers.

The man is loaded into a tablet, Apocalypse in other, and Apocalypse transfers his consciousness into the mutant’s body, rendering him blue. As he celebrates, he is betrayed by his Horsemen, who seal him away in a tomb and bury it in a deep chamber within the pyramid. The horsemen then appear before the followers and claim En Sabah Nur is dead.

Cut to 1989, as archaeologists are excavating the tomb of En Sabah Nur, the "forgotten pharaoh", they find the chamber where he’s entombed. One of the archaeologists reads an inscription they’ve pieced together from their research and manage to open the tomb, through which Apocalypse emerges and feeds off of their life force to regain a semblance of his strength.

Apocalypse stumbles into modern day Cairo and is disgusted by what his kingdom has been reduced to. As he walks around, covered in a cloak, and happens upon Storm, a street urchin and pickpocket, when she creates a gust of wind to distract some passerbyes so she can snag and dash. Apocalypse follows her into a flophouse where she’s holed up and finds her going through the meager gains of the day. Storm is weak, barely able to conjure lighting, which Apocalypse dodges. He then uncloaks, revealing himself to her, caresses her face, and calls her "my child". Her hair begins to turn white.

This segues into a montage of war, destruction and chaos, which turns out to be a nightmare from Jean Grey. She’s a student at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, which is now a public institution. Jean wakes up, Xavier is by her bedside and comforts her. She tells him she saw the end of the world, but Xavier reassures her it was just a dream. They walk around the mansion, discussing their powers and how Jean came into becoming Xavier’s first student. Xavier says he had nearly lost hope, but Mystique taught him there was a better future worth fighting for, and Jean, to him, symbolizes that hope for tomorrow. Mystique, I should add, is kind of a mutant hero for saving the President. Jubilee is another student at the mansion and Jean’s roommate.

Cut to Russia. Storm, now powerful as fuck, approaches Caliban, a broker who provides mutant mercenaries for stuff like assassinations, sabotage and shit. Apocalypse arrives and demands someone strong and merciless. In comes Psylocke, who quickly sneaks upon Storm with her sword, and upon being disarmed, pulls out her psi-blade. They have a brief girl fight before Apocalypse stops and recruits her to be the second Horseman.

We then meet Scott Summers, who is brought into the Xavier School by his estranged older brother Alex Summers. Scott doesn’t want to be there and is a douche to Alex, Xavier, Jubilee and Hank McCoy, but gets interested in Jean and agrees to stay for a weekend. Hank is not particularly thrilled with Scott, since he’s all like "I’m superior to everyone", which reminds him of Magneto. Xavier says there is no more Magneto.

Cut to Erik Lensherr living in a small village in Poland with a wife and small daughter. He’s still wanted by the government and went off the grid, and the townspeople don’t know he has powers. He works at the local steel mill and leads a generally happy life. Apocalypse, Storm and Psylocke show up at the factor and Apocalypse disables everyone so he can try to bring Erik to his side, but Erik refuses, and even uses his magnetism to fend Storm and Psylocke off. Apocalypse leaves with a cryptic warning that his façade won’t last, and we see he left one worker awake to witness the whole exchange, including Erik using his powers.

Cut to Mystique in Germany, intercepting a truck transporting young mutants to an underground fight club where they’re forced to fight for high rollers. She is then intercepted by a military group led by William Stryker, who has become obsessed with capturing her since she let Wolverine go before Stryker could get to him, and because she changed public perception of mutants for the better. Mystique beats up his men and escapes.

At the fight club, we see Angel being pitted against Nightcrawler, who wins. The crowd wants Nightcrawler to finish Angel off, but Nightcrawler refuses. The club owner then decides to have them both executed nevertheless, but Apocalypse and his followers arrive and kill the bodyguards. Nightcrawler teleports away, while Angel pleads allegiance to Apocalypse and becomes Archangel and proceeds to slaughter the high rollers as a terrified Nightcrawler watches from afar.

At the X-Mansion, Scott makes an ass of himself during a class taught by Xavier and gets into a fight with Jean. She thinks he’s a douchebag, he thinks she’s a nerd and a teacher’s pet. It’s supposed to be cute, but honestly it just feels awkward.

Back to Poland, as Erik leaves for work (his wife’s name is Magda and the daughter is named Anya, for whoever asked). Erik arrives at the plant and slowly notices the men lining up around him, led by the guy that saw he’s a mutant. They jump him and hit him with a tire iron, knocking him out.

When Erik comes to, he’s tied up in front of his home, as the townspeople drag his wife and daughter out as they plead for help. He’s too weak from the blow on his head, and just pleads mercy, but the townspeople tie them to poles and aim arrows at them. Erik yells for them not to. They set his house on fire, accuse Erik of being a monster and an aberrator, and kill the wife and daughter via firing squad. It’s tense as fuck, almost R-rating tier, I don’t even know if that shit will be allowed in the PG-13 cut.

Erik is next on the execution. The townspeople intend to burn him at stake, but he begins crying and yelling and suddenly everything metal goes crazy. Erik then kills the lynch mob with their own metal belongings, like the prom scene from Carrie, but once again lets his accuser live to go and tell the tale. He then pulls his wife and daughter’s mangled corpses from the poles, slowly fixes their hair and clothes and gives them a funeral pyre, while sharing them a story from his childhood he had earlier promised the little girl he’d tell. Xavier senses his pain from afar and dread overcomes him.

Mystique arrives at the fight club and finds the massacrated bodies of the locals, with Nightcrawler staying behind to pray for each of their souls, as an act of forgiveness for what they put him through. She asks him what happened, and he relays his brief encounter with Apocalypse. Mystique then decides to take him back to the Xavier mansion.

Back in the town, it’s now deserted. Everyone has fled. Erik is alone in the steel mill, mourning his death, when Apocalypse returns. Erik accuses him of ruining his life, but Apocalypse spews out some sick logic of merely pulling a thread that would unravel sooner or later, and inflict pain upon Erik now that he can grow stronger from it rather than later when it would just consume him. Apocalypse then convinces Erik to become the final Horseman, and enhances his powers, allowing Erik to level the entire town.

Mystique and Nightcrawler arrive at the X-Mansion, and Nightcrawler gets to know Jean and Jubilee, while the other students are afraid of him. Cyclops is a dick to Nightcrawler, which Beast remarks reminds him of how Havok was a dick to him. Mystique and Xavier reunite, and Mystique tells Xavier about Apocalypse. Xavier finds it suspicious, and decides to visit Moira McTaggert over at the CIA with Alex since she’s become an expert in mutant phenomena. Cyclops, that edgy rebel, rallies Jean, Nightcrawler and Jubilee to go blow some steam off at the mall, where they get into a fight with some local bullies and it’s all kinda’ silly.

At CIA headquarters, Xavier reunites with Moira. She doesn’t remember him because he wiped her mind, but is still attracted to him and respects his contributions for the mutant cause. She gives a basic infodrop on Apocalypse and we find out Stryker is also consulting with the CIA, and trying to get them to approve the Weapon X Program.

Quicksilver arrives at the X-Mansion searching for his father after hearing reports of Magneto destroying Poland and reunites with Beast and Mystique. Meanwhile, Xavier, Moira and Havok return to search for Apocalypse using Cerebro, but Apocalypse instead infects Xavier’s mind, forcing Havok to cut off the connection. Jean senses Xavier’s distress due to a telepathic link they share, and the young mutants return to the X-Mansion just as Apocalypse and the Horsemen attack it to kidnap Xavier and seize control of the Cerebro technology.

The young mutants attempt to intervene and shit goes south HARD, with Archangel killing Jubilee (she had a little bit of a flirt with Nightcrawler). Havok sacrifices himself to hold off the Horsemen while Beast and Mystique lead Moira and the young surviving mutants to the lower levels, but he is killed by Apocalypse, who proceeds to curbstomp the young mutants with his multiple powers. Apocalypse then leaves with the Horsemen and Xavier after Quicksilver manages to extract everyone to a safe location.

Apocalypse leads the Horsemen back to Cairo, where he excavates his pyramic, containing advanced technology including the transfer tablet. He then announces his plans to purge the Earth of the weak and create a better world from its ashes. Storm is uncomfortable when Apocalypse commits a massacre with his powers, to increase hisn own strength. His power, of course, is to transfer his mind to Xavier’s body. While being held captive, Xavier manages to reach out to Storm, who has been persecuted as a "witch" by all her life, and resents the human race for what they done to her because she’s "another innocent’ despite her being innocent and her own person, which Xavier points out she is doing right now. Xavier and Magneto also share a moment, with Xavier claiming Magneto’s grief is blinding him, and Magneto ignoring it. Psylocke and Archangel, though, are just psycho brutes.

The young mutants are scattered. Cyclops particularly takes Havok’s death hard and is comforted by Jean, while Mystique gives Nightcrawler some advice. Quicksilver is disheartened his father is among the Horsemen. Eventually, Mystique decides to pick up the dust and go rescue Xavier and stop Apocalypse. Beast decides to accompany her, and one by one the young mutants agree as well, and Moira decides to join them as well, resigning from the CIA. Meanwhile, Stryker uses Apocalypse’s massacre as proof mutants are dangerous and assembles a task-force codenamed "The Purifiers" to launch an all-out assault on Cairo, with a nuke being the last-ditch measure to prevent Apocalypse from fulfilling his plans.

Apocalypse’s secret weapon is the Horsemen themselves. Although they are not directly referred to as such, they embody the basic aspects of the biblican Horsemen. War (Magneto), Death (Archangel), Famine (Storm) and Plague (Psylocke, I guess?)

The X-Men suit up in prototype battlesuits developed by Beast and head to Cairo to rescue Xavier and battle Apocalypse and the Horsemen. They are intercepted by the Horsemen, who destroy the X-Jet, and crash-land in the derelict ruins ot a town in Cairo, where they battle the Horsemen. The Purifies also arrive, leading to a threeway battle, though the Purifiers are quickly disposed of. During the fight, Jean has a vision of Stryker launching the nuke, which in turns causes other countries to launch nukes as well as destroys the world, with Apocalypse as the sole survivor.

Mystique is taken out by Apocalypse, so Cyclops levels up and rallies the X-Men to fight the Horsemen. Through a combined effort, they take down Archangel (Nightcrawler delivers the final blow) and Psylocke (honor goes to Jean). Cyclops fights Storm while Quicksilver fights Magneto. Magneto can’t bring himself to kill Quicksilver upon learning he’s his father, while Cyclops manages to get through to Storm and she switches side.

When the other Horsemen are taken out, Apocalypse arrives, defeats them almost effortlessly, and begins tearing the world apart. Magneto realizes the error of his ways when he notices a young woman and her daughter, very similar to his own lost family, being vaporized in Apocalypse’s massacre. He turns the tables on Apocalypse and fights him, with Storm joining in, and eventually the other X-Men.

Apocalypse is weakened and retreats to his pyramid to transfer his consciousness to Xavier. He leaves his original body, but Xavier resists him, leading to a psychic battle. Cyclops blasts the pyramid’s defenses open and Jean uses her link to Xavier to help him battle Apocalypse in the astral plane, which also causes her to unlock her full powers.

Meanwhile, Stryker confronts Moira, accusing her of being a race traitor, and orders the launch. Moira alerts Magneto, who stops all the nukes in mid-air and dismantles them like he did in "First Class", but bigger. Nightcrawler saves Archangel from certain death as an act of forgiveness, while Quicksilver rescues Psylocke.

Apocalypse is so weakned by his battle with Xavier and Jean that he tries to return to the original body, but Mystique is impersonating it. Without the rapid healing, Apocalypse remains vulnerable both physically and mentally, and Xavier purges him out of Mystique’s mind, losing all his hair in the process. Apocalypse vanishes, unable to exist without a physical form, and all his followers lose their powers. Pyslocke escapes to go off on her own, while Nightcrawler allows Angel, now in control of his own emotions, to flee.

The X-Men have won, but the government is coming. On Xavier’s behalf, Cyclops destroys Apocalypse’s technology so they can consfiscate it, and they escape.

Back in the X-Mansion, Xavier and Magneto make amends over past mistakes, Mystique and Beast rekindle their relationship, and Mystique decides to stay behind. Cyclops and Jean kiss, Cyclops and Nightcrawler cement themselves as bros, and Magneto decides to leave to find his own place, but assures Xavier he’ll return one day, and "has one thing or two to teach these children". Quicksilver wants to go with him, but Magneto accepts him as a son, tells him he’d be proud to have Quicksilver as a member of the X-Men. Storm is also accepted into the Institute, as Jean’s roommate. As a gesture of kindness, she returns Jubilee’s locket, which she had taken after Jubilee was killed. Jean also displays greater telepathic and telekinetic powers than Xavier has predicted, and we have the tiniest foreshadowing of a Dark Phoenix lurking in the future.

The mutants are blamed for the destruction of Cairo and the full-scale assault on the world. A young politician, Robert Kelly, is amassing followers with his claims of mutant registration. Moira returns to the X-Mansion, having officially resigned from the CIA, and reveals that Stryker’s Weapon X Program has been approved, but she has stolen a copy of the files on Stryker’s first target: Wolverine.

Xavier assembles the X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm, Nightcrawler, Quicksilver, Beast and Mystique, and they depart to rescue Wolverine before Stryker gets to him.

Then we have a final stinger that didn’t really make much sense, of a government official of some sort doing cleanup on Cairo. He finds a lone, forgotten piece of Apocalypse’s technology and, upon touching it, his eyes become white, like Apocalypse’s.

So there you have it. This is what we can expect from X-men Apocalypse. Overall, I’m content with the fact that it doesn’t suck. That’s the most I think we can hope for with X-men movies, especially when the competition in Captain America: Civil War and Dawn of Justice will likely blow it the fuck out of the water. But still, an X-men movie that doesn’t fuck up as badly as X3 or Wolverine: Origins gets a seal of approval in my book. Nuff said!

X-Men: Apocalypse | Official Trailer [HD] | 20th Century FOX (Mutants Are Fucked)

The second and, presumably, final trailer for X-men Apocalypse came out. After seeing this, all I can say is this movie is going to get its mutant ass kicked by Captain America: Civil War. I love Sophie Turner, Jennifer Lawrence, and James McAvoy. I love X-men and will root for them over those who would try to replace them with bullshit Inhumans. But they're just not going to win 2016. Between Justice League, Captain America: Civil War, and a fucking Ninja Turtles movie that has Krang in it, I think I'm not crazy to say that X-men Apocalypse is fucked.

Extraordinary X-men #7: Nuff Said!

A part of me is glad that telepathy doesn’t exist in the real world. If it did, anyone who scanned my mind would be bombarded by the equivalent of porno spam and Super Bowl beer ads. And I’m not entirely convinced that telepathy could make me enjoy getting shit faced and reviewing comics any less. But for the X-men, having to telepathically repair a damaged mind is the equivalent of an oil change and a tire rotation. And wouldn’t you know it? Nightcrawler’s mind is due at the same time the rest of the team is taking a trip to the LSD-inspired expanse that is Weirdworld. Extraordinary X-men #7 promises some pretty exotic locales. I may need something stronger than beer in order to fully appreciate it as I write this review.

The first locale is pretty exotic, but it’s not Weirdworld. It’s Nightcrawler’s mind. He’s got Mystique for a mother, Azazel for a father, and Rogue as an adopted sister. His mind is NOT going to be normal is what I’m saying. Even the Pope would forgive him for having unholy thoughts about Rogue every now and then, but these are not the thoughts O5 Jean and Storm experience.

They enter Nightcrawler’s mind in an effort to get him to shut the fuck up with the apocalyptic ramblings. They can leave that shit to Ted Cruz and Glenn Beck. They arrive in a familiar, Claremont-inspired memory where Nightcrawler is being chased by pitchforks and torches. O5 Jean is even decked out in a new Marvel Girl style uniform. I consider it a downgrade compared to her last uniform, but it’s not like she’s dressed like Power Girl or Starfire. She doesn’t need to give Nightcrawler any more unholy thoughts as they chase him. I’m sure he’s gotten enough of those from Rogue.

Being in Nightcrawler’s mind, the laws of physics are drunk off their ass and probably high too. That means Storm’s powers aren’t as potent as usual. This means O5 Jean, a teenage girl in a goofy costume, has to be the one to lead them through Nightcrawler’s mind to save them. Not saying Nightcrawler should be scared shitless. I’m just saying that putting a teenage girl in the driver’s seat in a life-threatening situation is a gamble at best.

Back in Weirdworld, another exotic locale where teenagers and adults alike are unequipped to deal with the weirdness, the X-men catch up with Sunfire. This is a big fucking deal because apparently, he helped Cyclops in doing whatever horrific crime that’s so horrific nobody can say what the fuck it is. It could’ve made for a very telling moment. Instead, we get only slightly more than jack shit.

There’s no answers here. There’s not much drama either. Magik just whines at him for doing what he did with Cyclops, but this is Magik. I’m sure she has the same reaction with the pizza guy when he’s 10 minutes late. Sunfire just reveals that they were trying to get as many mutant refugees as possible to X-Haven, but they ended up in Weirdworld instead. Why? Well why the fuck does there need to be a valid reason? They’ve already fucked over the mutant race and Cyclops’ character off-panel. I guess they think actual reasons for events in a story fell out of fashion with razor scooters and boy bands.

Instead of reasons, we just get more Weirdworld style attacks. This time, it comes from ghosts. Why? Well, in Weirdworld, reasons are even less necessary so it gets a pass. It only gives Old Man Logan another chance to remind everyone he’s too old for this shit. I say it’s a point worth belaboring.

The laws of physics seemed fucked on both ends. It gets downright disorienting in Nightcrawler’s mind, who decides that the stoner crowd has run out of shiny shit to stare at. So everything turns upside down when they arrive on a pirate ship with Nightcrawer, another nice homage to the Chris Claremont contributions to Nightcrawler’s story. It’s disorienting, but I can say on behalf of stoners it definitely make shit more interesting. If you get motion sickness, you might not agree. But it fits nicely with the overall theme of this issue, namely that real world physics are boring as hell.

The X-men continue fighting the ghosts in Weirdworld and being a demon-loving teenage girl, it’s Magik’s job to take care of this shit. So she tracks down the source, albeit in the most contrived way possible. She finds the evil wizard who is conjuring these ghosts because I guess there always has to be an evil wizard in this shit. Magik and the wizard have a chat and by chat, I mean Magik stabs him. In a series where Wolverine stabs his way out of problems for the same reason most people end up rebooting their computers, it’s not exactly ground-breaking.

There is a slight hint that the new mutant Magik made friends with last issue might need stabbing too, but the scene itself is so inanely unepic that it has little impact. Introduce some random wizard, stab him, and solve the problem. That’s pretty much as dramatic as it gets here. Even stoners can’t find that too interesting.

Inane or not, stabbing the wizard solved the problem. The ghosts are no longer attacking mutants. They’re all safe and sound, at least as much as they can be in Weirdworld. All that tension that was teased surrounding Sunfire and his allegiance with Cyclops? They seemed to have forgotten about that real fucking fast because they don’t even mention it. They just welcome him and the refugees to X-Haven because why actually explore that drama? It’s not like that ever makes a story actually interesting, right? That’s why movies like Titanic and Avatar tanked at the box office, right? Excuse me while I rest my omega level sarcasm.

So that’s one exotic locale they’re done with. In Nightcrawler’s exotic mindscape, Storm and O5 Jean keep following their friends fucked up thoughts. They end up in a more recent, non-Claremont era memory that happened only a week ago. They see Nightcrawler rescuing some young mutants from a couple of thugs dragging them out in the woods. They’re not wearing clown masks so it’s not as creepy as it sounds, but it is every bit as brutal. Nightcrawler manages to save these mutants, but he learns something else that fucks him up and it couldn’t be any worse than finding a sex tape between Mystique and Sabretooth.

It turns out these mutants were being taken to a mass grave. They weren’t being chased out of the city or protested against. They just decided that the Nazis were onto something and decided that mass graves were a viable solution to mutant issues. And seeing this kind of fucked Nightcrawler up, as it would most people.

Now I want to sympathize with Nightcrawler, but this is a guy who has fucking died for crying out loud. He’s died and he’s probably seen more than his share of horrific shit. He hangs out with Wolverine. He’s bound to see more than a few dead bodies. So for this to fuck him up to the point of getting overly biblical feels kind of forced, but not at all unwarranted. It provides at least some of the drama that we never got with Weirdworld.

This seems to be the jolt O5 Jean and Storm need to get out of Nightcrawler’s head. And for whatever reason, revisiting that has made him marginally sane again. There’s not much else other than O5 Jean giving Nightcrawler a hug. That’s not completely unwarranted either. She’s been overly fond of hugs since Brian Michael Bendis’ run began. It still feels forced, as though this somehow resolves all the crazy shit surrounding Nightcrawler’s state and Weirdworld. But it’s not as contrived as it could’ve been.

So...is it awesome?

The drunk in me wants to give a definitive answer. The sober mind in me wants to hold off because the story as a whole feels so incomplete. Usually, I’d let the drunk me kick the sober me’s ass, but I’ll have to call it a push here. There is some heavy drama. There are some heart-warming moments in Extraordinary X-men #7, albeit of the Schindler’s List variety. The art and visuals are very well-done, but there are a lot of missing details here and for once, they don’t just involve people whining about Cyclops.

Between the plot in Weirdworld and the plot in Nightcrawler’s fucked up head, every resolution feels rushed and unrefined. So there were mass graves in Germany? So there’s a wizard in Weirdworld? Like the side-effects to boner pills, these aren’t the kinds of things that should be glossed over. While it never gets too confusing, it never feels all that complete either. Extraordinary X-men #7 has the rest setting. But like Elton John at the Playboy Mansion, it ends up feeling soft.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Extraordinary X-men #6: Nuff Said!

Let’s not keep lying to ourselves. Marvel is in the process of shitting explosive diarrhea all over the X-men while the Inhumans jerk off in the corner. They have utterly fucked over the entire mutant race and they didn’t even have the decency to do it on-panel. They turned Cyclops into the Red Skull and they made bashing him more trendy than K-pop. There’s a lot about Extraordinary X-men that are bound to make X-men fans violently ill. But since I’m used to hang overs and vomiting, I’ve taken it upon myself to give you wonderful people the reviews you want. That means swimming through another pool of Cyclops-bashing, mutant marginalizing shit for Extraordinary X-men #6. Yes, I’m just that dedicated.

Mutants are fucked. There’s no way around it and the war between Disney and Fox’s lawyers will ensure it continues. So where can the X-men go to vent their Cyclops/Ratner hating frustration? How about Weirdworld? It’s like the Savage Land, but on a blend of crack and LSD. It’s another holdover from Secret Wars. Why, you might ask? One word…Rhinosaurs.

It’s as awesome as it sounds, except for cantankerous old fucks like Old Man Logan. He’s annoyed as hell. Magik is as giddy as a school girl in a room full of kittens. She and the X-men go to work venting their pent up frustrations on these giant monsters. Is it good for their mental health? No. Is it still an awesome sight? Fuck yes.

But why the fuck are they in Weirdworld in the first place? It’s like Mordor. One does not just walk into it for a casual stroll. Sadly, we don’t get an immediate answer and in the era of on-demand movies and binge-watching, that’s just unacceptable. However, we do get a continuation of the Nightcrawler plot that began in the first arc. He’s still fucked up and sounding like a drunk version of a televangelist. They talk about efforts to help him, but it’s another one of those plots that’s so full of holes that it’s hard to give a shit about. I’d much rather see more Rhinosaurs.

As much as I love Rhinosaurs, I’ll settle for demons. The X-men are still stuck in Limbo for other reasons that got lost in the 8-month time skip, along with any fucks given about coherent narratives. But Limbo is still practically a resort with slot machines and hookers for Magik. She even manages to make a friend in Sapna, the young mutant she saved in the first arc. They actually do some nice demonic bonding. They even name a demon together. Replace the demons with unicorns and it the perfect premise for a Disney movie.

They start exploring Limbo. Magik makes clear that as long as she has the Soulsword, she’s the Queen Bee of this realm. However, along the way, she finds out there are holes to other realms where she might not be queen. And any vindictive teenage blond who makes friends with demons can’t have that.

Flash forward back to the present. Fuck any transitional material or coherence. That shit’s for babies and Rand Paul supporters. We’re back in Weirdworld just in time for Colossus to pull off a fastball special with Old Man Logan. So I guess it’s not a total loss. We still don’t know why the fuck they’re in Weirdworld, but it’s clear they didn’t just come because they don’t want to wait for the next Jurassic World movie. There is supposed to be a point here. But like so many other things in this series, it got lost in the mix like a condom at Bristol Palin’s house.

Flash back again. To hell with transitions and coherence. More confusion and more random, unrelated narrative works better, right? Well, maybe in some fucked up alternate universe. Hell, that might be on par with Tolken in Weirdworld. But here it just means having to read this book sober and I can’t support that.

It’s not a complete waste though. It has Colossus trying to care for someone other than his demon-loving sister. He decides it’s time to whip some of the younger mutants into shape. They’re living in Limbo and in a world where Marvel has given a billion middle fingers to mutants. They need to start training and he needs to deal with teenagers who don’t rub elbows with demons.

Colossus isn’t the only one who tries to expand his horizons. Iceman also takes a moment to share his new, gay side with another resident homosexual at the Jean Grey Institute in Anole. Yes, it’s really happening. Iceman is starting to act on his new gay status. You hear that? It’s One Million Moms and every bullshit family values group gasping in horror and shielding their kids’ eyes. And anytime religious bigots get horrified is a happy day for those of us who actually have a sense of humanity.

So I love this scene and I hope there are more like it. Iceman hasn’t been this relevant since he swapped minds with Emma Frost. Let him have this, Marvel. You’ve taken everything else from the X-men. Please don’t throw shit on this and use it to spit on Fox’s legal team.

More confusing flash-forward follow. It’s still confusing. It’s still chaotic. I feel like it was organized by a vindictive roommate with OCD. These side-stories with Weirdworld aren’t terrible. They don’t make me want to puke dirt and shit bricks. Like mayonnaise and chili peppers, they just don’t fit together. There’s still some kind of mission going on in Weirdworld. We just haven’t been given a reason to give any fucks about it yet. Sure, there’s a giant wall of fire involved. But is that really more awesome than Rhinosaurs? I think not.

How about another flashback because why the fuck not? The non-sober crowd has already given up at this point. At the very least, we get some semblance of reason for going into Weirdworld. Apparently, a plane carrying mutants was transported to Weirdworld because I guess it beat landing in Los Angeles and dealing with the traffic. She wants the X-men to bring the mutants back from Weirdworld and that’s perfectly logical. But at this point in the story, there are only so many fucks left to give. It doesn’t fill in any of the many gaping plot holes, but it doesn’t create new ones either. And I guess that’s the best we can hope for with X-men these days.

There is at least one detail that forces us to give a few extra fucks. One of the mutants the X-men need to rescue is a familiar face. On top of that, he’s one of the mutants that was friendly with Cyclops so that must mean he ate a live puppy for breakfast. It’s another bit of Cyclops-bashing. Like the last three seasons of American Idol, this shit has gotten old and played out. You enjoy screwing over the X-men, Marvel. We get it. You’re getting dangerously close to waving your dick in our faces.

So who is the mutant in question? Who was bold enough to actually team up with the so-evil-that-it-had-to-happen-off-panel version of Cyclops? It’s Sunfire. Yeah, he’s a C-lister at best and hasn’t been relevant since Jerry Springer was still on the air. But he’s alive, he’s in Weirdworld, and his causing this big fucking firestorm. And Storm is hoping Old Man Logan can deal with him if he says anything nice about Cyclops. Yeah, this is what the X-men have been reduced to. Pretty soon, a dick in the face might be an upgrade.

So...is it awesome?

At the very least, it tries to be. Jeff Lemire has every character’s voice down perfectly. Old Man Logan sounds like Old Man Logan. Storm sounds like Storm. And Iceman sounds like the all-new, all-gay Iceman. That’s Extraordinary X-men’s greatest strength, but one of its precious few. This issue had a solid concept, but was so chaotic and disorganized at times it felt like a kid that forgot to take his Ritalin. It was hard to follow and plenty rushed, but it didn’t completely fuck up. If Extraordinary X-men #6 was a drunk, it wouldn’t get arrested. But it would stumble home with more than a few bruises on its face.

Extraordinary X-men as a series still has a lot of flaws, but this comic didn’t add to them. That’s really the most we can hope for at this point. Like the Fantastic Four movies, we just have to settle for something that doesn’t suck more than it already does. The disorganization and forgettable plot keeps it from being all that thrilling. It still functions for the most part and plays to its strengths. It just needs a lot more of them if it’s going to justify all the Cyclops-bashing.

Final Score: 5 out of 10

Basic, Bland, and Incomplete: Extraordinary X-men #5

The following is my review of Extraordinary X-men #5, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

If a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, then a story is only as strong as its biggest flaw. Every story has to skip a few details. Sometimes it's necessary to ensure a concise, coherent narrative. But like Ash found out at the end of Evil Dead 2, a casual oversight can have serious consequences. It doesn't always involve invading demon hordes. But in the case of Extraordinary X-men, it can lead to evil clone monsters. As Spider-Man can attest, evil clones rarely pan out well.

When Marvel opted to do an 8-month time-skip after Secret Wars, there were bound to be a few details that got lost in the mix. Details like Jessica Drew getting knocked up and Kamala Khan joining the Avengers offered more intrigue than confusion. But there's a fine line between genuine intrigue and chorus of "Huh?!" And in Extraordinary X-men, nobody even tried walking that line. They essentially did the swan dive over the line and into the deep end of a pool of hungry sharks.

From the final issue of Brian Michael Bendis' run in Uncanny X-men #600 to the first issue of Jeff Lemire's run in Extraordinary X-men #1, the shift in tone is akin to watching Saving Private Ryan after watching Happy Gilmore. It's not just that mutants are in a new state of turmoil. It's that the journey into this turmoil happened off-panel.

For the first four issues, only a handful of clues have been offered, most of which involve Cyclops becoming the most despised person associated with the X-men since Chuck Austin. The limited scope of these clues have hindered the Lemire's narrative, but have still offered points of intrigue. The narrative here is still developing. It's just trying to develop with one hand tied behind its back, a broken ankle, and a severe concussion.

Extraordinary X-men #5 is intended to solidify this new foundation for the X-men. It has successfully, albeit messily, brought all the necessary characters into the right place. But it's still building top a foundation with some major cracks in it. By the end of the story, those cracks don't get any smaller. That building still wouldn't pass an inspection without a hefty bribe. At the very least, however, it is coherent and it doesn't create any new cracks.

The conflict here is basic X-men 101. Sinister has unleashed a monster by mixing mutant and Inhuman DNA. That monster threatens humans and mutants alike. The X-men come together and stop it. It's every bit as basic as Captain America punching the Red Skull in the face. There's nothing novel of innovative about it. But for the first arc in this series, that's entirely appropriate.

It at least tries to come off as something more dramatic. It actually teased the possibility that some of the gaping plot holes in this narrative would be filled in, revealing that Sinister's monster may or may not be Cyclops. But in the same way that sending money to a Nigerian prince rarely pays off, this effort yielded nothing. Like seeing the promiscuous teenager die first in a slasher movie, it surprised no one when this monster just turned out to be a clone.

There was no dramatic weight whatsoever. There was painfully little context. Sinister claims he's trying to help save the mutant race and improve it. For some reason, he still thinks clones are a good idea this time. He's like someone who refuses to upgrade from VHS tapes. It's hard to really take him seriously. His charisma and cunning, which helped make him one of the X-men's most devious villains, just wasn't there.

If there is a sliver of drama in this story, it comes from Storm. This fight against another Sinister-bred clone gives Storm the chance to establish herself as the new leader of the X-men. And she does this to great effect. She's able to coordinate with her teammates to take down the monster. She also emphasizes protecting the same humans that hate mutants now more than ever. This isn't just appropriate for the X-men. It's required. Storm is able to check all the boxes that Halle Berry couldn't in X3.

Under Storm's leadership, the X-men effectively establish that they're not going to curl up in a fetal position and led an Inhuman dominated world kick them into submission. They're still going to be X-men. That's all well and good. But once again, the lack of a context completely robs this moment of any drama. It's like watching only the last two episodes of Breaking Bad. Without knowing the details of the story that led up to this, it's impossible to appreciate the breadth of the story.

When Extraordinary X-men began, it teased that something had gone horribly wrong during the 8-month gap between mutants and Inhumans. We know nothing about this conflict. We only know that at some point, Cyclops got himself killed and somehow managed to become the most hated non-clone mutant of all time. It's conveyed as a mystery, but it basically comes off as the kind of trolling that is best restricted to Walking Dead message boards.

This isn't like the aftermath of Avengers vs. X-men or House of M. These conflicts all happened on-panel and as part of major events. This phantom war with the Inhumans happened entirely off-panel and the story forces readers to assume that Cyclops just did something so horrible that he would've been better off just driving a truck of puppies off a cliff. It tries to be a mystery, but in Extraordinary X-men #5 it just comes off as an excuse to circumvent the major flaws in the narrative.

Absent an understanding of the conflict that created this situation, Storm's speech that the X-men were back basically amounts to scapegoating. And that's exactly the kind of thing the X-men are supposed to oppose. Her speech might have rallied the team, but it has less depth than a commercial for car insurance.

Extraordinary X-men #5 succeeds in the basics, but not much else. The inherent flaws in the narrative render it impotent in terms of having an impact. However, these flaws don't completely undermine the potential of the story. There is still time to fill in these gaping plot holes to help give weight and context to this series. But like watching Tom Brady in a two-minute drill, it feels like that time is passing faster than it should.

Final Score: 6 out of 10