The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son Chapter 4 is LIVE!

There are some characters whose sexiness is overtly powerful. Nobody questions the sex appeal of characters like Mary Jane Watson, Emma Frost, or Daken. They're all pretty open when it comes to showing off their sexy side. It's part of their persona and their allure. It's a big reason why I've had so much fun writing my "Red Queen" series.

Then, there are characters whose sex appeal is understated, but overwhelming. They don't carry themselves as overly sexual. They may even come off as reserved or even most of the time. However, when you dig just a little deeper into their personality, you find that they have an immense capacity for sexiness. Most of the time, it goes unrealized. It usually takes a mix of incentives and a nudge, here and there, to help them embrace it.

That's exactly what I've done with Jean Grey in the world of the "Red Queen." When she first arrived on the scene in "The Red Queen Chronicles: The Phoenix," she was tense and conflicted. Thanks to some "coaxing" from Mary Jane and Emma Frost, she opened up in more ways than one, including the sexy ways. She and Cyclops have since expanded their relationship and their sexuality, embracing new opportunities and new lovers.

She has had to tap into that sexual potential even more throughout "The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son." It has even put her into conflict with Daken, Logan's long lost son who is a bit more direct with his sexual proclivities. It led to a clash that left things a bit unfinished between them, to say the least. Now, with the final chapter of this latest sexy side-project, she and Daken will have a chance to tie up loose ends and in the sexiest way possible.

The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son

Chapter 4: Balancing Act

I hope you've enjoyed this colorful story of devious plots and villainous decadence. I had a lot of fun writing it and to those who sent me so much kind feedback, I sincerely thank you. A few very kind reviewers even helped me flesh out ideas for this story. You know who you are and I can't thank you enough. This story actually got more support than I expected. Apparently, stories about Jean Grey's hidden sexy side have a lot of appeal. Who knew? That's good to know and hopefully, it'll inspire other sexy stories. Nuff said!

The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son Part 3 is LIVE!

Whenever I plan one of my sexy side-projects, I'm never quite sure whether it'll generate the kind of reaction I hope for. Most of the time, I'm just grateful that it generates any reaction at all. I've done projects that I thought were sexy as hell, but didn't get a single comment. Thankfully, "The Red Queen Chronicles" hasn't been one of them and the response to "The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son," has done plenty to exceed my expectations.

The previous chapter, especially, garnered a lot of positive comments. Who knew that a scenario involving Daken and Jean getting extra rough with each other would be received so well? I know that sounds obvious in hindsight, but I was genuinely astonished by how much people responded to that scene. It gives me high hopes for some of the other sexy moments I have planned in this story.

It's not over. There's still plenty of action left, sexy and otherwise. Jean may have "subdued" Daken, but there's still the matter of Romulus and a pheromone-controlled Wolverine to deal with. It's going to get rough, messy, and sexy before all is said and done. I only hope the events in this latest chapter are just as satisfying to those who enjoyed the last one. Also, to those who left such wonderful comments, I sincerely thank you.

The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son

Chapter 3: Carnal and Cunning

I can confirm that there will be one more chapter in this story. I can also confirm that this chapter will involve Daken so rest assured, I'm not done utilizing his sex appeal. For reasons that are now painfully obvious, his unique sex appeal has really resonated and I hope to make the most of it in this story. Nuff said!

The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son Part 2 is LIVE!

I know waiting sucks, especially when you're waiting for something sexy. People tend to get impatient when they're horny. That's just an inescapable fact. I knew when I began writing "The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son" that it was going to take multiple chapters to both tell the story and maximize the sex appeal. I also knew that the process would require some lengthy waiting for those eager to see Daken enter this sexy world I've created.

To those loyal and passionate readers, I apologize. I know the wait has been difficult. You have been extra vocal with your feedback on the first chapter. It ended up being more feedback than I expected. Apparently, the promise of Daken taking part in a story that involves Jean Grey, Emma Frost, and Mary Jane Watson has people extra excited. I want to say I'm surprised, but just typing that out makes it too obvious.

I understand the first chapter was somewhat shorter than usual and it really left things on a cliffhanger. Again, I apologize, but I have every intention of making that wait worthwhile. This latest chapter is going to have plenty of juicy content that was worth the extra time and effort. Yes, I know that's a kinky choice of words, given the nature of these stories. No, I'm not apologizing for that.

This latest chapter contains a few details and themes that multiple readers have asked about in the past. To those readers, I hope this delivers. Now, some of them are a bit darker than usual. However, I made an effort to not let it get too dark. It's a challenge to balance out the sexiness with the serious overtones. I think I've achieved that here.

The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son

Chapter 2: Dangerous Games

This chapter really raises the stakes and steps up the sexier themes of this story. There's still more to come, though. There are a couple more chapters in the works, each containing more juicy content of the kinky variety. I know the wait won't be easy, but I intend to make it worthwhile. Thanks again to all those who have supported this story. I hope you feel your patience has been rewarded.

Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son Chapter 1 is LIVE!

When it comes to sexy side-projects, some ideas are difficult to work into a story that's both sexy and compelling. It's one of the things I struggle with most in crafting these stories. On the flip-side, there are also some ideas that work a little too well because of their inherent sex appeal. It doesn't seem like a problem, but it can be. An idea that's just that sexy can sometimes make maximizing the story a real challenge.

Daken is one of those rare characters who embodies that idea to the letter. It's not just that he's unapologetic in how he exercises his sexuality. He will literally fuck anyone and anything for any reason. Since he also happens to be Wolverine's son, complete with his healing factor and all the sexy benefits that come with that, he actually can fuck on a level that elevates his sex appeal into uncharted territory. In a world that still has characters like Emma Frost and Mary Jane Watson, that's saying something.

Shortly after I finished, "The Red Queen Chronicles: The Phoenix," one of the most frequent requests I got from readers was to bring Daken into this story. In a world where Jean Grey is uninhibited sexually, there are just too many reasons that appeals. I certainly don't deny that and I had many long conversations with passionate readers on the subject. The challenge was crafting the right story to ensure maximum sex appeal.

After working long and hard, including a few setbacks along the way, I feel like I've finally found that story and I'm ready to tell it. I'm ready to bring Daken into the world of the Red Queen. It's not a story that I can tell within a one-shot or just two chapters. This is one of those stories that needs to be a bit longer to contain all the sexiness. It's hard work, but worth the effort and the first chapter should help set the tone.

The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son

Chapter 1: Surprise Reunion

I hope that gets everyone excited for this story, in more ways than one. I've yet to decide how many chapters this will be. It depends on how the events I've planned play out. Rest assured, though, there will be plenty of sexiness to go around. That I can promise you. Nuff said!

Next Sexy Side-Project: Enter Daken!

Every now and then, a character comes along who is just destined to find his or her way into one of my sexy side-projects. It may not happen immediately, but at some point, it's a given that it will happen. Of the many characters who have come along over the past couple decades, only a handful of characters fit that profile. At the top of that list is Daken Akihiro, also known as the son of Wolverine.

When he first showed up in the pages of Wolverine Origins, I didn't know what to make of him. I didn't even know if he would be a successful character. For all I knew, he was a Skrull agent, a failed clone, or Mystique in disguise. Failed comic book characters are notorious for disappearing inexplicably or being retconned into oblivion. Daken escaped that fate and it wasn't long before I realized that he would one day make it onto my sexy stories.

Like his father, Daken is a very sexual creature. In fact, he's probably a lot more sexual than his father and not just because he's confident enough to sport a mohawk without being in an 70s punk band. Where as Wolverine reserves his sexual energy for sexy redheads, African goddesses, and cute Asian women, Daken will fuck anyone or anything. The man is durable, reckless, egotistical, and not afraid to use his penis and his claws to win a battle.

It was never a matter of if I would incorporate Daken into a sexy side-project. It was only a matter of when. Well, that time is almost upon us. He's already an unapologetic sex fiend in the comics. That means he'll fit seamlessly into the world of the Red Queen. For someone with his capacity for deviance, though, a one-shot just isn't enough. That's why I'll be bringing him in with a multi-part story, one that's sure to raise the bar for sexiness in the Red Queen's world.

The story will be entitled "The Red Queen Chronicles: The Lost Son." I don't know yet how many chapters it will end up being, but the first one will come out three weeks from today. It will build on some of the plots I've crafted in previous stories, but I want this one to stand on its own, primarily to give Daken plenty of room to work his deviance. If you're a fan of Daken and his knack for being sexually flexible, you won't want to miss this. It all starts in three weeks. See you then!

Shaping A Sibling Rivalry: All-New Wolverine #25

The following is my review of All-New Wolverine #25, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In many superhero comics, sibling rivalries are right up there with love triangles in terms of shallow plots that bring out the worst in certain characters. It's one thing for families to bicker. That's the premise of almost every sitcom, Simpsons rip-off, and Fantastic Four comic. Rivalries, however, often act like open scars that never truly scab over. They come to define certain characters, so much so that it that it undermines their ability to evolve on their own.

X-23 and Daken have a major advantage, in some respects, because much of their development occurs independently of one another. The story of Laura Kinney and Daken Akihiro unfolds in vastly different circumstances and go in very different directions. Whereas Laura eventually ascends to take on her father's mantel, Daken falls to the wayside for a while. Even after the Death of Wolverine, his story essentially stagnates while Laura's accelerates.

That's what makes the premise behind All-New Wolverine #25 so risky, yet so intriguing. Tom Taylor is taking a chance on tying Daken's story with Laura's once more. While they had clashed in the past during Marjorie Liu's run on X-23, these two characters don't ever establish a functional relationship. They don't forge a bitter rivalry either, but the tension is there. It has the potential to either expose their worst traits or forge new ones. The difference between the two is as thin as a simple swipe of the claws.

Taylor puts both characters on a collision course, of sorts, and it's one that doesn't just involve more slashing and stabbing. It builds on the events of the previous arc, which first see Laura and Daken reunite under dire, yet amicable circumstances. They never get a chance to catch up, fight each other, or address any of the past instances where they try to kill each other. A lot is left up in the air, but All-New Wolverine #25 offers new opportunities for Laura and Daken to connect. Doing it in a series that also includes a pet wolverine named Jonathan is just a nice bonus.

Taylor keeps the continuity of the series tight, having the events in this issue play off those of previous issues. Recent events don't play too big a part in the chaos that unfolds, though. After those connections are made, the fighting begins and it's not a fair fight, even for Daken. While he's a long way from deserving the same sympathy as Laura, the battle he faces sets a specific tone, one that feels unique to Wolverine's overly burdened offspring.

Part of being tied to Wolverine in any capacity involves attracting the kinds of enemies that require more than an adamantium claw to the face. His violent, illustrious life is full of super-powered samurai, killer robots, undead ninjas, and married women he can't stop attracting. With the exception of married women, Laura and Daken attract those same dangers. However, the specifics of that danger are only teased in All-New Wolverine #25, but not in the same overtly ominous ways that just promise more stabbing.

This is where the Orphans of X come in, which is both the title of the arc and the name of the danger. They establish early on that they know how to hurt both Daken and Laura. Daken is somewhat easy to hurt, given his crass attitude and utter apathy for regular heroics. It's Laura who requires a more elaborate approach. Having recently fought Brood armies and spent time in the stomach of Fing Fang Foom, her threshold for pain is much higher.

They still find a way to test it by taking Laura back to her roots. That means returning to the pages of X-23: Innocence Lost, the tragic origins that have come to define Laura since her arrival to the X-men comics. Despite all her abilities, including those that allow her to survive the stomach of Fing Fang Foom without permanent physiological scarring, the details of her tortured origins still haunt her.

More than any other threat she faces throughout her relatively brief history, it's one of the few things that really hurt her. The fact that the Orphans of X use that against her shows that they've done their homework on her. The use of a few flashbacks, which evoke just the right impact thanks to Juann Cabal's art, help belabor just how much these memories hurt Laura. They're so troubling that she risks upsetting both Gabby and her pet wolverine by striking out on her own. Given Gabby's capacity for frustrating Laura and looking adorable while doing it, that's a not a trivial risk.

It's not initially clear how much that risk pays off because, even though Laura's recourse is directly tied to what happens with Daken, the narrative stalls somewhat once it ventures into that the bloodier parts of her past. While belaboring a painful past is an important ingredient in any Wolverine story, it can be overdone. Instead of learning why the Orphans of X think it's wise to torment two characters with a history of poor anger management, much of the story unfolds as a mystery with too few clues to follow.

There's still plenty of melodrama, which is true to the spirit that Taylor has established with All-New Wolverine. There's never a sense that either Laura or Daken are just angry, vengeful brutes who are just eager to stab something. All-New Wolverine #25 establishes deep, personal stakes. However, it doesn't do much to establish who is making such risky bets against them.

The ending sets the stage for a lot more melodrama and heartache. The connections that will eventually require Laura and Daken to team up again are there. Given the high standards that Taylor has set with All-New Wolverine, though, the impact of the conflict isn't felt yet. Too much of it relies on old scars that Laura has been carrying with her since her days as an extra in the X-men Evolution cartoon. While those scars are sure to deepen, the Orphans of X will need to hit much harder to leave a lasting impact on Laura and Daken.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

A Larger Legacy: Wolverines #1

The following is my review of Wolverines #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Certain people can never be replaced. There can be no Beatles without John Lennon. There can be no Nirvana without Kurt Cobain. There can be no Saved By The Bell without Screech. That doesn’t stop some from trying, but those attempts can never live up to the original. Like Steve Young trying to replace Joe Montana or Arron Rogers trying to replace Brett Favre, fans will always come up with new shortcomings. And if they can’t, they'll imagine a few because it’s often a coping mechanism.

The death of Wolverine is not quite the same as the death of Kurt Cobain or Brett Favre’s retirement, but he’s a character that casts the biggest shadow in all of X-men. There’s no denying his history and his legacy. No other character has had quite the impact. No other character can say they made Hugh Jackman a household name. And no other character can say they survived two terrible solo movies and still found a way to stay awesome. So how does a legacy like that continue?

In a ways, the X-men are already at an advantage. They have already shown that they can still function without Wolverine. Even Wolverine himself is at an advantage because he had so many supporting characters, ranging from friends like Jubilee to enemies who wanted to bathe in his blood like Lady Deathstrike. There is sufficient manpower to fill that void, but, his legacy still leaves a big void that has to be filled at some point. Wolverines #1 is the first concerted effort at this feat. It’s every bit as daunting as the challenges Steve Young and Aaron Rogers faced, but the results are promising in some unexpected ways.

Wolverine’s story did not end with his death. In fact, his death served as a catalyst for a larger story involving characters affected by Weapon X. Some of these characters are intimately familiar with Wolverine, in some cases literally. Others are brand new characters who constitute a devil’s reject type cast of Weapon X characters. And all these characters have to come together in this story. On paper, it sounds chaotic and messy. But when put into practice, it works with surprising efficiency.

The ability of these characters and this story to fill the void left by Wolverine doesn’t necessarily come from their history or the scope of the conflicts they face. It comes from the extent to which these characters display a unique level of depth. They’ve all been affected by Wolverine’s death. Some have been affected by other events, such as Avengers and X-men: AXIS. These collective effects are what brought them into this conflict. Now, they have to work together to resolve it.

And they’re not exactly doing this in the spirit of honoring Wolverine’s memory either. The new Weapon X characters that were introduced in wake of Wolverine’s death each have knowledge of special words that can kill Sabretooth, Lady Deathstrike, Daken, Mystique, and X-23 in a single breath. It’s the ultimate leverage that doesn’t involve being friends with Tony Soprano. It’s also fitting in that it’s the exact kind of conflict Wolverine often got caught up in time and again. It really does feel like they’re trying to fill his shoes, albeit under the threat of sudden death.

The conflict itself is also fitting in that it brings all these characters back to where Wolverine’s life ended. It feels like a direct continuation of the story that led to his death, not missing a beat even as a whole host of new and unknown characters enter the picture. It feels like these characters are just one bad joke away from maiming each other, but for the moment they’re a team with a common goal. They even have a common enemy in Sinister, who has also hired the Wrecking Crew to help provide the standard Wolverine-level violence. It essentially forces them to stop being so vindictive and bitter so they can function. It has the feel of an overly violent reality show that isn’t staged and doesn’t cause significant brain damage.

Even though violence is as part of any conflict involving Wolverine, this is secondary for much of the story. There’s much more effort put into establishing who these characters are and how they carry themselves in a world where Wolverine is dead. It sounds like one of those fruitless endeavors, like trying to make Adam Sandler’s last three movies watchable. But somehow, it works. Characters like Lady Deathstrike and Daken are in an unfamiliar position, living in a world where they’re not defined by their hatred of Wolverine. It helps give them some new dynamics as characters. These dynamics aren’t fully explored, but the door has been opened.

That’s not to say there still isn’t room for the gratuitous violence that accompanies many Wolverine stories. Blood is still shed. Limbs are still ripped off. Eyes are still gouged out. And this is just some of the stuff Mr. Sinister does without breaking a sweat. It’s the kind of violence that would be inappropriate in an Archie comic, but it works perfectly in a Wolverine comic. Even though he’s dead, this still feels like a real Wolverine comic. He may be dead, or at least as dead as the nature of comics will allow him, but his story is still unfolding.

This is the biggest accomplishment of Wolverines #1. It continues Wolverine’s story and his legacy in a way that’s compelling and meaningful. It does get a little crowded with so many characters and the pacing does feel somewhat choppy since it builds on stories that came from other comics. But it’s a story that has the right setting, the right cast of characters, the right circumstances, and the right amount of violence. If it were a cup of coffee, Starbucks would grossly overcharge for and it would still be worth it. In many ways, that is the best way to honor Wolverine’s memory.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverines #1

Having a great legacy is like having a big penis. Many men seek it, few achieve it, and those that do cast a large shadow. Those that attempt to honor that legacy within that massive phallic shadow have a lot to live up to. I believe Steve Young was constantly measuring his dick every day after he took over for Joe Montana on the 49ers. He may still do it to this day, if only to assure himself that he can wear briefs without shame. Anybody attempting to carry on Wolverine’s legacy will have plenty of measuring to do. But in wake of his death, that’s exactly what a group of friends and enemies (mostly enemies) must do. And if I were them, I’d be stuffing my pants with rolls of quarters already.

Wolverine is dead, at least for now. But his legacy left a lot of unresolved conflicts. Now it’s up to Mystique, X-23, Daken, Lady Deathstrike, and an inverted Sabretooth to finish the job. Not all of them liked Wolverine. Some of them slept with him. Some of them dedicated a good chunk of their lives to killing him. But for reasons that can only be attributed to confusion and boredom, they’ve taken it upon themselves to carry on. Wolverines #1 is the beginning of that journey and like Steve Young, they need to earn the right to have their legacy be part of his. And it can’t just be accomplished with loose underwear and lots of whiskey either.

That’s not to say that a team of pro-bowlers can’t help. They’ve already got a mission and they’ve drafted a few newcomers to the team as well in Shogun, Neuro, Endo, Skel, and Junk. These are all basically Weapon X cast-offs, the late round draft picks that nobody wants. They want help from Wolverine’s frenemies to get the fuck out of the Weapon X business once and for all and they’re not afraid to use these special “control words” that kill them instantly. It’s like a team-up/hostage situation. Basically, it’s like every team-up that ever involved Deadpool.

This new team continues a story that has been unfolding in the aftermath of the Death of Wolverine for a while now. So it’s only fitting in a sense that this new struggle begins where Wolverine’s life ended. These two teams that could kill each other at any moment end up at the same base in Nevada where Wolverine met his end. It’s a shitty place to be right now. It’s like John Lennon’s tomb for Beatles fans. But this is where they’re going to find what they’re looking for.

What they’re looking for isn’t clear at first, but there’s a distinct mood amongst the team. None of them come off as heroes and none of them trust each other. They treat each other the same way co-stars treat Shia Lebouf. They work together and tolerate each other, but they make clear that they’re willing to murder each other the moment they have a reason. This same mood also highlights some recent changes in certain characters, most notably Sabretooth, who is still inverted from the events of AXIS. Few still buy him being a hero, but being inverted might actually help this situation because aside from X-23, there aren’t many other heroes. We don’t need a team of assholes carrying on Wolverine’s legacy. Anyone who wants to root for a team of assholes can just stick to rooting for the Dallas Cowboys.

Despite all the tension and bad blood between these characters, they still come off as a coherent team with a common goal. And remarkably, they don’t immediately give each other reasons to kill each other. In fact, they end up getting a very good reason to work together because before entering the base, they see the Wrecking Crew showing up. It’s not exactly Dr. Doom and an army of Doombots, but it is a complication that is best resolved with claws. Given their connections to Wolverine, it’s a good way to honor his memory.

The teams enter the ruins of the base before the Wrecking Crew can arrive, if only to give them time to sharpen their claws. This also gives them time to have a few interesting chats along the way. It may sound out of place, but it actually helps provide additional depth to who these characters are, something that many Wolverine comics overlook with a typical, “Let’s not and say we did,” approach. And with some of these characters being so new and/or inverted, it’s important to establish their personalities.

That’s not to say these characters get the depth of a Stanley Kubrick movie, but the interactions help establish a sense of dynamics, even among those such as Sabretooth and Lady Deathstrike. It even gives the new guys a chance to bust the balls of the experienced Wolverine-haters. Sabretooth may be inverted, but Lady Deathstrike has no such excuse. Now that Wolverine’s dead, she has to find a new reason for existing that doesn’t involve looking hot in a kimono. It’s something to think about, but none of them get much time because the Wrecking Crew does eventually catch up with them. It’s still a Wolverine comic. At some point, someone has to start breaking shit.

The Wrecking Crew are basically playing the part of killer robots/Nazis. But their presence is still secondary compared to what’s going on with the characters. Those such as X-23 and Daken are already established. We know their personalities. One is a messed up clone/teenage girl who has a thing for time-displaced X-men. The other is Wolverine’s even more fucked up son who will fuck anything with a pulse. But they both carry themselves in a serious, genuine way that we didn’t see with their first encounter. Granted, they’re not trying to kill each other this time, but it still feels like progress.

That progress turns to results when they finally find what they’re looking for. Fittingly enough, it’s the adamantium casing that is Wolverine’s unofficial tomb. He’s still in the exact same state he was during his death. Now his enemies and friends and a few assholes that he would’ve beat up in between drinking binges are after it. Something about that just feels so right. It couldn’t have been more fitting without someone bringing a case of beer.

So now it’s clear what everyone is after. Wolverine’s dead adamantium-covered body is still very valuable, if only as a centerpiece for a shrine where pretty redheads get in free. It’s not clear how this is the key to helping these new Weapon X rejects. They all clearly have enough problems. One of them, Endo, actually tries to get advice from Mystique about holding herself together. And if someone is looking to Mystique for advice, then that’s a bad sign. That’s like going to MC Hammer for investment advice. It’s another instance of these characters who are one bad joke away from murdering each other getting a little personality. It’s a nice touch, but the arrival of the Wrecking Crew fucks that up. However, they do so in the most appropriate way possible.

There’s a time and a place for good character development. But there’s also a time and a place for mindless violence. Since this comic isn’t a Michael Bay movie, the mindless violence is fitting because it doesn’t feel like it dominates the story. The Wrecking Crew are just the guys with matches lighting the firecrackers. It helps get Wolverine’s frienemies and the Weapon X rejects into a more uncomfortable situation. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. No awesome story ever came from comfortable circumstances. This isn’t a reality show featuring douche-bag rich kids complaining about a dig in their BMW. This is a fucking Wolverine comic and the action helps give it that feel. Someone at Fox better be taking notes from this shit.

But the Wrecking Crew on their own cannot provide the kind of visceral action that will soak the panties of mourning Wolverine fans. That’s fair because they always have been a semi-pro team and/or the Cleveland Browns of bad guys. So who could provide a sufficient “We’re fucked” moment? How about Mr. Sinister? Saying that name, which has a history of fucking up a great many characters not named Wolverine, should get some excited. But seeing him show up just as X-23 and Daken find Wolverine’s body should require a fresh pair of panties.

It turns out Sinister was the one that hired the Wrecking Crew. He likes to work smart and not hard. That means getting asshole henchmen like the Wrecking Crew to do some of the dirty work so that he can claim his prize and carry himself in ways that would make a pimp cry tears of joy. He’s at the top of a very short list of characters who can use Wolverine’s body for more than just a pretty conversation piece in a Japanese massage parlor. That makes his arrival the perfect, “Fuck yeah!” moment in this comic.

It’s still not enough for Sinister to just show up and laugh his ass off while his enemies and fans collectively shit themselves. He has to go the extra mile because he’s fucking Sinister, both in name and in action. So rather than start small by desecrating Wolverine’s body with non-alcoholic beer or balls of Cyclops’ pubic hair, he rips Daken’s arm off and rips an eye out. Let me say that again just so it’s understood. Sinister ripped off Daken’s arm and tore out one of his eyes. And he did it with a smile that would make Freddy Kruger himself tremble. It’s as awesome and brutal as it sounds. Now why would he need to do this? Does he really need a reason? He’s fucking Sinister. Like Chuck Norris, his badass name is the only reason he needs.

X-23 does her best to wipe that grin off Sinister’s face, but she might as well be giving an ethics lesson to Gordon Gecko. He ends up tossing her aside like a used condom at a brothel and leaves with both Wolverine’s body and Daken’s dismembered body parts. It’s brutal, but he still finds a way to do it like a motherfucking boss. He leaves behind a very bloody and very uncomfortable Daken. It’s at this point X-23 reveals Daken doesn’t have his healing factor so this isn’t exactly something he can walk off. Even so, I’ll still bet this sort of thing gives Daken a boner somehow.

This issue hit the ground running, throwing all these Wolverine-esque characters into the fire in the same way I throw hot sauce on a plate of chicken wings. It should’ve become a mindless slaughter, as many of Wolverine’s battles often do. But that didn’t happen here. There was actually a concerted effort at giving each character depth and mixing some personal moments into the expected slaughter. Sure, it got gratuitous once guys started losing eyes and limbs. That may be inappropriate in a My Little Pony comic, but it works perfectly in a Wolverine-inspired story.

This issue felt like a genuine, sincere continuation of Wolverine’s legacy. He may be dead (or as dead as anyone can be in comics these days), but his story is still continuing. And it’s continuing in a compelling way. He’s got friends and enemies looking to continue his battles and it’s actually presented in a way that feels exciting, intriguing, and fun. How can it not be when it involves Daken getting a limb ripped off? The pacing is a little erratic, but not to the point where it has to be read sober. That’s why I give Wolverines #1 gets an 8 out of 10. I still miss Wolverine. But if his death means there are still those prepared to carry out his legacy of brutality and depravity, then I think it’s safe to say Wolverine can rest in peace…or at least for as long as Marvel allows him to rest.

Uncanny X-Force #35 - Disturbingly Final Awesome

There are few comics these days that are worth sticking with from beginning to end. Some start strong, blowing your mind like three blow-jobs from three Playboy centerfolds in the span of 20 pages. Some are more forgettable than the last Adam Sandler movie, only really picking up towards the end when Marvel wants to cash in and/or piss off fans by doing some insane shit like swapping minds between characters. I wish I could think of a good example, but I'm a little hung over right now. My point is that series that are awesome from start to finish are rare and precious. They should be cherished in the same way a stoner cherishes his last joint.

 Uncanny X-Force has been a monumental achievement in awesome since its inception. When the series started out, I admit I didn't know where Remender was going to take it. It just seemed like a comic book version of the Expendables, minus Stallone's slurred speech. You take some of the X-men's best known killers, stick them on a team, and give the Christian Right another reason to bitch and moan about violence in popular culture. But Remender has done something far more awesome than just piss off moral crusaders. He has created of a vast, compelling, concise, and comprehensive series of awesome. It didn't just focus on violence that involved killer cyborgs from the future, shooting Apocalypse in the head, or having a shark eat a man from the inside out. That shit was all pretty awesome, mind you, but Remender always found ways to balance it out with just the right amount of melodrama. Whether it was Psylocke's desire to save Angel, Fantomex's desire to bone Psylocke, Wolverine's desire to bone Age of Apocalypse Jean Grey, or Mystique's desire to bone everyone he's taken these characters on an incredible journey. It couldn't be more thrilling without every issue coming with a free hit of LSD.

But like all great rides or acid trips, they have to come to an end at some point. Rick Remender's run on Uncanny X-Force may not have had the longevity of Chris Claremont, but fuck if he hasn't made every issue count. Moreover, he's made sure that every story ties in with the others in some way or another. Going back to the first story with Kid Apocalypse, he's weaved X-Force through many difficult conflicts. The characters have been changed, scarred, traumatized, or in Fantomex's case shot dead by an underwear-clad Mystique. Hey, there are worse ways to go. But after the last arc, X-Force confronted another difficult dose of violence and melodrama. Nightcrawler betrayed them, Wolverine had to kill his own son, and Genesis got a little taste of his apocalyptic potential. Now that the adrenaline buzz has worn off, the final hangover can set in and we as readers are left to savor every last page of this epic run.

Uncanny X-Force #35, Remender's last issue on this series, has Wolverine and Psylocke dealing with the immediate repercussions of the previous arc, namely Wolverine killing his son and Psylocke dealing with Fantomex getting murdered by Mystique. Granted, it’s not her fault that Mystique is cunning enough to take her form, bone Fantomex, and then kill him. But Fantomex is still the reason why she ended up screwing over her own brother. If anyone deserves to feel the most screwed, it’s Wolverine. He’s the one that had to kill his pan-sexual son rather than wait for him to die of rectal trauma. His inner musings over his grave are a nice touch as well. Hell, I almost teared up knowing I may never read Remender write Wolverine’s inner lament like this again.

But unlike Wolverine, Psylocke does have a chance to go back and try to unfuck the situation she created with her brother. After blood stops spilling and Daken’s boner finally goes soft, she pays a visit to her brother. There’s not as much hostility as I expected between two bitter siblings. Maybe I’ve just seen way too much Jerry Springer, but there is some sense of resolution between them. Psylocke explains that Fantomex was a douche, but she doesn’t regret what she did. There’s really not much that Captain Britain can do when his emotionally damaged sister gives him that puppy-dog look. It’s like a spoiled rich girl asking her father for a pony. Psylocke doesn’t get the proverbial pony, but she does get closure.

Another character that gets an important dose of closure is Genesis. In the previous arc, he came dangerously close to living up to his Apocalyptic potential. He managed to avoid vindicating Daken and every other creepy undertone that he's ever demonstrated. He was even able to give up his Apocalypse armor to Captain Britain. But there's still the whole his life being a complete Smallville rip-off thing. So Deadpool pays him a visit at the Jean Grey Institute and basically tells him that regardless of whether your upbringing is a fraud, you shouldn't use that as an excuse to be the evil douche-bag everybody thinks you're going to be. And coming from a guy whose crazier than Lindsey Lohan's last urine sample, that actually carries some weight. And to prove once again that Deadpool is more awesome insane than he ever was sane, he leaves Genesis with some nudie magazines. Because if you want to prevent an kid with evil tendencies from crossing that line, you want to have him appreciate a world where beautiful naked women are possible. Excuse me, I just teared up a little.

Rick Remender continues to tie up loose ends, showing an attentive to detail that makes most other Marvel writers look like their either blind or drunk (or in the case of anyone who read Avengers vs. X-men, both). As he's done with numerous other arcs, he takes some time to revisit previous stories with unanswered questions, namely that little trip to yet another dystopian future where X-Force encountered a very strict yet still strangely sexy Psylocke. While there, Wolverine got an ominous message from his future self and it didn't involve avoiding a woman that claimed she was on the pill. He basically told Wolverine that he was going to have to kill Daken to prevent this future because Daken, had he lived, would have butchered the Jean Grey Institute. It put Wolverine in a very bad position, but in the end that's the job of X-Force. They kill those crazy homicidal motherfuckers so that others don't have to.

It's yet another instance of Rick Remender's Uncanny X-Force tying together in a cohesive way that you don't see in too many other books. It's clear from this scene that he didn't just take his run on an arc-by-arc basis. He actually thought this shit through. You like to think that's standard practice in comics, but as we saw with Avengers vs. X-men that shit's either optional or discouraged. For that reason, I'll miss Uncanny X-Force even more because I don't know how many other writers will be this attentive to detail. Excuse me, I teared up again. Fuck, I need more tissues.

And it isn't just loose ends that Remender addresses. One of the biggest moments of the previous arc was the death of an underwear clad Mystique. Now this is one instance where I'm really okay with just letting a character die. Not just because I think Fantomex is a douche, but because that's probably the most dignified death any character can ask for these days. However, for some reason Marvel just isn't content to let him die with dignity. They'll keep characters like Jean Grey and Nightcrawler dead for years, but Fantomex? Who isn't half as pretty and or a tenth as lovable? Fuck no. He gets cloned into three different parts.

It was one of EVA's last protocols. Once they found Fantomex's body, she cloned him. However, she had more tits than computing capacity so she ended up cloning three bodies, one for each of Fantomex's brain. One is mean. Once is nice. One has boobs. Okay, so adding boobs is always a bit of a bonus. But it's still a somewhat cheap way to undo a death that would have had some impact. That's not to say it wasn't expected. Marvel already announced that Fantomex would be involved in the relaunched Uncanny X-Force under Stan Humphries. But it still involves clones. Clones in comics is like seeing your sister naked. It just doesn't feel right, even if you get a boner.

With Fantomex in a fresh new body, Psylocke decides to get him the fuck away from X-Force and back home to the Alps. There, they meet his mother, who has shown up in Uncanny X-Force before (and ended up dead). That seems to indicate that there's some mind-fucking going on. It leaves things a little open to interpretation just what the fuck is going on and that's probably for the best in a series that has fucked so many minds. Even so, Psylocke kissing Fantomex again is not a good way to end any series, no matter how awesome it is. Even if it isn't real, it's still pretty disgusting considering the circumstances. But at the very least, it creates a somewhat happy ending for which the background can fade, the credits can roll, and the Green Day song can start playing.

In the end there really isn’t much else to say about Uncanny X-Force that I haven’t said before in a drunken stupor. It’s been one of the few comics I’ve been able to enjoy drunk, sober, and everything in between. This final issue touches on many of the qualities that make Uncanny X-Force such a compelling source of Marvel-based awesome. Remender takes the time to tie up the loose ends from the end of a bloody, action-packed story that involved women in underwear, men being eaten by sharks, and fathers going a bit overboard with disciplining their sons. Yet at the same time he manages to make this issue feel like a fitting end to the series. After reading this issue, you really do get a sense that there doesn’t need to be another. The story is finished and the end is complete.

But as complete as it is, Remender still left a few details up in the air. The biggest omission was Mystique and AOA Nightcrawler. After the shit they pulled in the last arc, they barely got the slightest mention. Granted, Marvel has already announced that their story will continue in other yet-to-be-launched books, but a little teaser would have been nice. As every hooker in Germany will tell you, I like being teased and I think many other fanboys share my tastes, albeit in a different capacity. And, of course, seeing Psylocke kiss Fantomex again was a shitty way to cut to the credits. It wasn’t as disgusting as it was when they boned earlier in the series, but it did somewhat take away from drama of him being killed by an underwear-clad Mystique. If ever there was an epic death that need not be undone, it’s that.

Overall, those details are minor and rather trivial in the grand scheme of things. This epilogue to both the final arc and the series as a whole was fitting, satisfying, and a bit disturbing. But then again Uncanny X-Force has been disturbing in a great many ways since it began. Anytime a book can make a reader sick in a wonderful way, it’s a winner. No doubt about it. So with a bittersweet buzz from a few shots of Jack Daniels, I give Uncanny X-Force #35 a 4 out of 5.

Now excuse me as I tear up once more while raising what’s left of my drink to Rick Remender and this amazing series. It’s shot creepy Apocalypse kids in the head, given us the Dark Angel Saga, explored bizarre worlds, created villains who rip off faces for kicks, and had Mystique running around in her underwear on more than one occasion. I don’t know if we’ll ever get a series that utilizes that much disturbing awesome, but even if it never happens I’ll always have fond memories of Uncanny X-Force. Here’s to you, Rick Remender! May all your future endeavors be full of success, brilliance, and more hot underwear-clad Mystiques! Nuff said!

X-23 #10 - Making Teen Angst Awesome

After reading the Daken vs. X-23 arc, Collision, I felt like those guys in old pornos who smoke a cigarette after a three-way with a couple of bikini models. Marjorie Liu and Daniel Way did a great job. They told a story about two Wolverine offsprings who are very different and have a great many reasons to chop each others' heads off. It wasn't just a bloody mix of blood-soaked torture porn (although X-23 did get cut up with a table saw). There was some genuine character development in between the blood, the fighting, and the getting blown up by a bomb. Yes, that really happened. It was a story that left X-23 and Daken in an uncertain state. Daken went back to being an egotistical douche while X-23 left Madripoor with more questions than answers.

Now Daniel Way is back do doing his thing and Marjorie Liu is back to doing hers with X-23. At the end of Collision, X-23 had accomplished what she set out to do after she met Sinister's boobalicious counterpart. She found Malcolm Concord, beat the shit out of Daken along the way, and blew up his Weapon X offshoot which actually didn't have much to do with Weapon X (long story). Fighting Daken affected her and not just because Daken's ego was tougher than adamantium. He got her thinking about how they were very much alike. They both inherited Wolverine's legacy, albeit through different ways. Yet Daken turned out one way. X-23 turned out another. That begged the question what's preventing X-23 from becoming Daken and vice versa? Daken has to wrestle with that issue while trying not to be as big a douche while X-23 deals with that in her own way. X-23 #10 picks up on this issue and it starts about as well as you would expect for a messed up teenage girl.

Marjorie Liu has never shied away from the dark side of being a teenage girl. Yeah, X-23 is messed up for being a clone of Wolverine, but anyone who has ever been to high school or had the misfortune of dating a girl who would jam glass shards into her ears for attention knows that just being a teenage girl is fucked up enough. There's a school of thought in the field of anthropology. Some believe that teenage girls and teenage boys is where people are at their most evil and vulnerable. For X-23, this holds true because this comic begins with her doing what my old therapist would call 'lashing out.' It basically involves self-mutilation. Except with X-23, she does it while looking badass.

Once she's done channeling her inner emo, she joins Gambit. He tries to pretend like she isn't some fucked up clone of Wolverine who grew up in a lab. He offers to celebrate her birthday with a cupcake. Laura is about as thrilled a Dr. Phil at a Scientology convention. He tries to instill in her a sense of mystery and wonder that so enamors teenage girls, often over dreams of American Idol. Laura has a very low tolerance for that kind of bullshit after facing Daken. When Gambit sees the blood on her arms, he cuts the act. But unlike the many other messed up girls that Gambit has dealt with, X-23 doesn't stick around. She runs off.

For X-23, cutting herself wasn't enough. She decides to continue her loathing on a bridge. She loathes for so long that the sun starts to set. It shows a passage of time that usually is harder to follow in a comic than a lecture on quantum mechanics by a shuddering retard with Turrets Syndrome. I don't want to make too big a deal of it, but it's one of those little things in a comic that a lot of writers overlook. So kudos for Marjorie Liu for actually taking time to add a sense of pacing.

Also kudos for having X-23 lash out at Gambit when he finally catches up with her, presumably after seducing a few French hookers along the way. What's strange about that is X-23's eyes flash red, which happens in the presence of the trigger scent. Whatever the case, Gambit gets a nasty paper-cut. Not saying he deserves it, but given his history I can't imagine too many readers batting an eye.

X-23 is understandably concerned and freaked out. Even though Gambit doesn't hold it against her (I'm sure he's had girlfriends do way worse to him), it does bother him too. He manages to get Laura back to the hotel, but she's still clearly messed up. Her little emo phase isn't going away that easily. So before tucking her in, he makes a phone call. He could just be calling up more French hookers, but when he's with a messed up teenage girl with a stabbing impulse then certain priorities take precedent.

Another day passes. X-23 and Gambit don't do much. They hang out in the hotel room. Gambit tries reading to her, which seems inappropriate for a teenage girl. The only reading most teenage girls care about involves Cosmo or some magazine with Justine Bieber on the cover, but X-23 is a special case. Something slightly less horrifying would be more appropriate. Despite Gambit's sincerity (a word most would never use in the same paragraph with the guy), X-23 waits for him to fall asleep and tries to run out on him. It seems like a dick move, but having just accidentally stabbed the guy it's not entirely without merit. But when she tries to leave, she's confronted with a familiar face. Remember that phone call he made? Turns out he basically tattled on X-23. He brought Logan, her de-facto father, into the picture.

He didn't come alone either. Since Wolverine can't resist being around messed up teenage girls, he brings Jubilee along with him. Since X-23, like 90 percent of all teenagers, have a tendency to overreact she ends up attacking her. This appears to happen after the Wolverine and Jubilee mini-series, which was fairly awesome by the way. So Jubilee is a vampire and X-23 is a messed up clone of Wolverine. I'm not sure if I'm reading the subtext correctly, but I smell a sitcom! I'm sure Fox is already working on a pilot.

After some initial unpleasantness with Jubilee, Wolverine takes X-23 up onto the roof where they have a little chat. Now keep in mind, this is the first time X-23 has talked to Wolverine since the Hellverine arc. That recently ended so now he's in a less demonic mindset. It turns into a very nice moment. In the early issues of the X-23 series, Wolverine revealed that he officially adopted X-23. So now they're legally family even if biologically, she's a clone. It finally established more of a family relationship between these two characters because technically, that's what they are. It took Marvel a damn long time to really explore that, but Marjorie Liu finally got around to it and this scene does a damn good job of showing them as family.

Even though X-23 is a clone, she's still a teenage girl. She isn't sure of who or what she is. Daken showed her what she could have become. Now she's cutting herself and she has a list of names from Malcolm Concord that she probably will have to kill at some point. Wolverine's been down that same road. It messed him up too, but he was a fucking adult when he went through Weapon X. X-23 didn't go through that whole memory-wipe shit. She remembers all the grizzly details of what happened to her and that really fucks her up. Logan actually offers her the kind of advice you might expect a father to offer a depressed teenage girl. When Wolverine starts showing good parenting skills, you know the world done gone totally fucked up. But it's the awesome kind of fucked up.

After their chat, Wolverine sends X-23 and Jubilee out for a stroll. Now I don't quite understand this logic. X-23 tried to give Jubilee the angry Twilight fan treatment with her claws. So why have them in close proximity to one another? Why have them in the same zip code? If he wants them to get along, there are smarter ways to do it. Perhaps his parenting skills aren't as good as he showed in the previous scene, but I suppose it's a work-in-progress.

While they go off on to see the sights in Paris, Wolverine and Gambit have a little chat of their own. They talk (and argue) about X-23 and Jubilee. Her time in X-Force comes up. Jubilee's new inclination to suck people dry and not in the kind of way that would make her a famous porn star comes up. Gambit believes that he's sheltering Jubilee, but not X-23. He actually makes a good point. Just because X-23 is a trained killer doesn't mean she's as vulnerable.

This becomes apparent in a pretty overt way when X-23 and Jubilee are casually walking along in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. Being two pretty teenage girls in a major European city, it's only a matter of time before some Euro-douche comes by to harass them. Normally this is when X-23 tears into them like Homer Simpson with a box of fresh donuts. Jubilee saves her the trouble, flashing her fangs and making the men think twice about asking her for downtown French kiss.

But it doesn't stop there. Even after the Euro-douches run away with their dicks partially shriveled, X-23 draws her claws. At first it looks like she's going to attack Jubilee. Then she does something unexpected. She cuts herself on her neck to draw more blood. In front of a young vampire still learning the ways of bloodsucking, that's like running naked into to a den of Grizzly's with your body covered in raw meat and trying to strangle one of the cubs. The end result is that Jubilee is the one who attacks. Is X-23 trying to make a point? Or is this a more creative way of her cutting herself? It's not clear because this is the fucking cliff-hanger that we're left with. As frustrating as cliff-hangers are, this one is still pretty damn awesome.

It's an intense way to end an issue full of so much teen angst. After the bloody mess left from the X-23 vs Daken brawl, this is a significant change of pace but a fitting way to follow up the story. X-23 was left pretty messed up by her encounter with Daken. Since she's not the same callous douche that he is, it's only natural that she would be pretty messed up about it. Marjorie Liu takes on some pretty serious (and painfully realistic) teen angst here. X-23 cut herself in ways that real people actually do. Except she has a healing factor. She can't cut herself enough to do the harm she probably wants. Meeting up with Wolverine and having some heated exchanges with Jubilee show even more tension. While she and Daken were rivals, X-23 and Jubilee have a lot in common. They're both struggling with a killer inside them. Jubilee adapting while X-23 isn't sure how. In the end, X-23 shows that Jubilee hasn't adapted as well as she may think. It sews the seeds for some interesting conflict between the two in the next issue.

For the most part, every issue of X-23 has been top notch. If there have been any flaws, it's been in the pacing at times. There have been issues where the progression of events doesn't always feel even. In this issue there is absolutely none of that. This issue spun perfectly from the events of Collision and X-23's problems are definitely understandable in the context of the issues that came before this one. The characterization of X-23 was solid and raw. Marjorie Liu went back to focusing on the confused teenager aspect whereas the last arc focused more on her life as a former living weapon. It's done in a way that's so gritty and real, that it's truly unique in the scope of other X-books. Along with solid dialog, great art, and a fantastic finish you can't say too many bad things about this. There wasn't nearly as much action as there was in the previous issue, but Gambit did get stabbed and the emo moments still left the right impact. So unless you're too cheap to rent a Michael Bay movie, you won't have much to complain about.

Marjorie Liu demonstrated her firm handle on X-23 with this issue. She's given the character a kind of depth that hasn't been shown before. She's really left her mark on X-23 and she's done it without making her gut six dozen heavily armed Weapon X soldiers. She's shown the more realistic elements of being a messed up teenage girl and she's used it to craft a very interesting story. Now that Jubilee is involved, there is so much potential. X-23 #10 was one of the most intense issues to date. If you're an X-23 fan or a general X-men fan who is looking for something more grounded than killer robots and aliens, this book is for you! That's why I give it a perfect 5 out of 5. Being a teenage girl is tough. This comic demonstrates why in so many awesome ways. Nuff said!

Daken #9 - Ending With A Bang (and Burnt Bodies)

Who doesn't love a good sibling rivalry? I still remember fondly the days when my brother and I would peel the labels off my dad's vodka bottles, mix in some paint thinner, and see who could drink more without throwing up. Good times. The ongoing clash between Daken and X-23 is somewhat like that, with only half as much stabbing. X-23 followed Daken to the mean streets of Madripoor where in between cock-fighting and buying illegal fireworks/artillery, they clashed in a plot that involved Malcolm Concord and a new Weapon X program. Daniel Way and Marjorie Liu have done a great job, stretching this blood soaked family feud over four issues. Some of it is mindless torture porn. Some of it digs deeper into the divide between X-23 and Daken, two characters linked to Wolverine yet who couldn't be more different. One is an unrepentant douche-bag and the other is a confused teenage girl. You couldn't get more volatile without selling weapons grade plutonium to the cast of the Jersey Shore.

Throughout the story, Daken has kept X-23 guessing. At times he's working with Concord and at times he's screwing him over (in a way that doesn't involve his penis). First he helped Concord abduct X-23 so he could cut into her with a hacksaw and play Dr. House. Then Daken helped free X-23 because he suspects Concord is screwing him over (again, in a way that doesn't involve a penis). So he leads her to Concord's facilities where they both hope to get some answers. What they find is a bit more complicated and by complicated I mean fucked up in a way that Charlie Sheen would even admire. They end up facing an army of horribly mutated monsters that look like the tentacle monsters that weren't sexy enough for anime porn.

Daken #9 is the last issue in the crossover and picks up right after this grim discovery. Since Daken and X-23 are both the exceedingly complicated offspring of Wolverine, their reaction is simple. They tear into these monsters the same way I tear into a pizza dipped in vodka. We get some narration from Daken's perspective and unlike the previous issue, he actually sounds more complex than the unrepentant douche-bag he is at heart. It's a nice change in the midst of all the mindless violence. I'll give readers a moment to drool over the pictures and fantasize about doing the same to that bitch in high school who wouldn't go out with you, but would happily fuck your friends.

It's a very basic kind of action. Daken and X-23 spend several pages just ripping into these monsters and spilling more blood than the last four Saw movies combined. It never becomes too mindless though. At one point X-23 shoves Daken out of the way because he's wounded. Then after she finishes off the rest of the creatures, she says something that changes the whole bloodstorm element of the fight. The creatures they were fighting weren't just rejects from Resident Evil games. They were people. Or more accurately, they were children who had the misfortune of being experimented on by assholes who couldn't give less a fuck if you shoved it up their ass. That bothers X-23, but it doesn't bother Daken. It's a moment that shows the strong divide between these two characters, despite all the many strong connections they share.

This divide is profound. X-23 points out that the creatures have the same look in their eye as she does when she whiffs the trigger scent. She basically loses control and all sense of purpose. That's not unlike what Daken does, who is perfectly fine with letting lose and ignoring all emotional repercussions. It's not clear if he's even listening. He may be fantasizing about boning Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's separated from that wife of his. But he doesn't respond to X-23 and focuses on finding Concord.

The story gets much less philosophical as they slaughter more people on their way to Concord. Along the way, Daken does some more musing. It shows he may have acutally heard a thing or two when X-23 was pointing out the killers they were at heart. Yet she treats it differently. He indulges in it. She just goes through the motions. He goes so far to ask what it really means. All while cutting some random guy's heads off and painting the wall with his brains.

This inner conflict is something that I haven't seen int he Daken comics so far. I know I make a lot of jokes about him being a total douche and he is much of the time. But he does show some depth here and it's depth that stems from his connection to X-23. She is one way while he's the other, yet they're still killers. That strikes at the very heart of these characters. It provides insight to the readers that they couldn't get if Liu and Way drew it on the back of a Las Vegas showgirl.

Once they killing stops and the blood stops spattering everywhere, they reach Concord. He tries the typical villain ploys, threatening to detonate a bomb if they don't stop. X-23 and Daken come from a very atypical lineage with atypical attitudes. So that does Concord absolutely dick. Even after he says there's a bomb, they look about as concerned as a gay who just banged the last three Maxim cover-girls at once. It seems odd, but think of it this way. Would Wolverine be all that afraid of getting blown up? Hell no! So why should X-23 and Daken?

The sheer stupidity of Concord's plan continues to unravel. Seriously, did he really think he could deal with these two and come out in once piece? Now you would think they're still adverse to being blown up and you'd be more wrong than the guy who claimed he could predict the stock market by reading the messages in a bowl of Lucky Charms. He even tells them to remove a wire in the bomb. They don't even bother. Instead, Daken does something unexpected that once again doesn't involve his penis. He asks X-23 a question.

Just as X-23 took a moment to be philosophical on him, he offers his take. He asks Laura why she limits herself. It's not an unfair questions. X-23 does hold back. She could be every bit as deadly as Daken if not deadlier. She has his skills. She demonstrated that throughout this crossover. Yet she doesn't. She actually has a heart. That baffles him.

She doesn't get a chance to answer Daken's question. While they were discussing this profound question on life, the bomb blows up. They react to it the same way we might react to another drug charge from Darrel Strawberry. They let the bomb blow up because it saves them the trouble of tearing about Concords crazy psuedo-Weapon X piece by piece. Sure it renders them to skeletons for a moment, but that's barely a flesh wound for them. They just couldn't be Wolverine's offspring if they couldn't take an all out explosion without flinching.

So Concords plan blows up thanks to his own pitiful planning and/or outright stupidity. In a scene that Freddy Kruger would jerk off to, Daken and X-23 emerge as scarred hunks of meat that just came hot off the grill at a MacDonalds. Yet even in this state, they continue their debate. X-23 doesn't answer Daken's question. She ends up asking another. She turns it around and asks why Daken limits himself. In her mind, his desire to hold back his emotions in exchange for power thus limits his power. It's as if it's more dangerous to him because it may threaten his ego or he may not be able to handle it. Again, the differences and similarities between these two are striking. They tore into each other earlier in the story. Now they're tearing into each other with questions and it really isn't clear who is right or who is wrong.

A word of caution though, if you read this issue while stoned your mind may be so blown you may not move for four hours. So make sure you're wearing clean underwear or have a piss bottle handy.

The fight isn't necessarily settled and why should it be? These two just survived an explosion. I'm pretty sure they'd rather save their homicidal rage for something more worth-while. They meet up with Tyger and Gambit, who have been sidelined for the past few issues because both are too pussy to take a simple explosion. Now Tyger has a chance to subdue Daken, who did screw her over (possibly with his penis as well) earlier in the story. But for reasons that aren't entirely clear, she lets him go. In an issue full of so many philosophical musings, this one stumped me no matter how much pot I smoked.

With Daken gone and Concord reduced to barbeque, Gambit and X-23 leave. However, Gambit still shares one last kiss with Tyger. She comments on how she wants to 'taste' him. I'm pretty sure that's the least subtle porno metaphor Marvel has EVER done. But they end up leaving before too many uglies are bumped. X-23 and Gambit set sail again. X-23 didn't kill Daken, but she did take on Concord and she proved to Daken that while she's a killer she still controls her fate. That's more important to her than being a massive douche-bag. When a teenage girl can be that honest with herself, then you know something profound has happened.

So it seems like a good ending for X-23. But what about Daken? This is his book after all. Well after he grows his skin back, rests a bit, and bangs a few hookers (male or female) he's back to his old pretty self. But as soon as he's healthy again, he pays a visit to someone unexpected. It's Concord. Apparently, he did survive the explosion and it wasn't just because he's douche factor matched Daken's. Those experiments he was conducting weren't for Weapon X. He was trying to develop an artificial healing agent. This actually makes him a lot less of a douche because with a healing agent, you could technically do a damn bit of good in the world. And if it means screwing over a jerk off like Daken, that's practically a bonus!

Unfortunately, all those other burn victims and cancer patients will be disappointed. The healing agent doesn't exactly work. Concord doesn't heal the same way Daken and X-23 do. He only heals half-way. By that I mean he still looks like a guy with burnt bacon for skin. That's no way to live. He asks Daken to kill him, but Daken being the asshole he is lets him suffer. It just wouldn't be douchy enough to show mercy. Now the guy could have used the healing agent to create more monsters, but you can't deny his plan had some potential. It once again shows that Daken is as unrepentant as it comes when it comes to being a complete and total tool. Yet he never lets it get in the way of enjoying life. It's a fitting ending because in a way he's like X-23 in that he does seek his own destiny, even if that destiny is being an asshole.

So the Collision arc has ended. The long-awaited showdown of X-23 vs Daken has come and gone. Is the story as awesome as it sounds? Well let me sober up for a minute and break it down. Marjorie Liu and Daniel Way could have easily spent several issues with X-23 and Daken beating the piss, shit, and entrails out of one another. That would have been quite a sight, but let's face it. That sort of bloodshed is more a lit match than a bon-fire you can roast marshmallows on. Making a story out of that carnage is difficult and there was more than just bloodshed. There was a strong plot surrounding Weapon X, Malcolm Concord, and the differences between X-23 and Daken. It was a wonderfully balanced story that showed the conflict between these two. It's not like a Wolverine Sabretooth rivalry. It's a rivalry of two conflicting personalities with the same burdens.

Now the case could be made that the conflict between X-23 and Daken wasn't physical enough. They spent only one issue beating each other up and the rest they were either working together or working to screw each other over. The arc did sputter a bit in the middle and became choppy at times. However, the end did effectively tie everything together. It didn't just resolve the story surrounding Concord. It established the conflict between Daken and X-23. It wasn't going to be resolved with one fight. It was a lot more complicated and the door was left open for that fight to resume. It's a great new element for both characters and one that makes this mini-crossover a true success.

This final issue is definitely the most fun I've ever had reading a comic with the title Daken on it. Between this title and the X-23 titles, it works perfectly to close out a great story. You can't find too much wrong with it unless you're as big a douche as Daken and start nit-picking. That's why I give Daken #9 and the Collision arc as a whole a 5 out of 5. There's a lot to love about this story and these characters. A confused teenage girl and an unrepentant douche whose last name isn't Trump has so much to offer! If you're a fan of either titles, you'll want to frame this arc. It's definitely worth it's weight in adamantium. Nuff said!

X-23 #9 - Picking Up The (Awesome) Slack

In my time as a comic book connoisseur and misanthropic drunk I've learned one important life lesson. One awesome comic can overshadow three lousy comics. It's a given that a good deal of the books on the racks are complete and utter crap. It's those select few that make comics a worthwhile outlet, a vice almost in the same league as hookers and blow. I bring this up because the long-awaited arc that pits X-23 against Daken started so strong and then faltered. X-23 #8 was an awesome book, so much so that my mouth went dry from drooling over the awesome. Then Daken #8 came along and while it wasn't terrible, it was so mediocre compared to X-23 #8 that it felt like pepper sprayed right after getting a great blow-job. The momentum faltered more than Sarah Palin at a spelling bee, but it didn't stop completely. The arc still have two more parts left and I'm more than willing to see this arc by Marjorie Liu and Daniel Way to the end.

What made the last issue so underwhelming was how confusing it was. The scenes jumped around, losing all sense of pacing and flow. It was hard to tell just what the hell was going on at times. One moment Daken and X-23 are in the same scene. The next he's talking with Tyger. Then they find the mysterious Malcolm Concord who seems intent on bringing back Weapon X. Somehow Daken led X-23 to him and it's not even clear whether it was part of a plan or just dumb luck. It doesn't matter how awesome the premise of a book is or how great the art is. If you need a fucking diagram to map out what's going on and still have trouble figuring it out, it's a lot harder to enjoy. It's like a beautiful hooker who won't shut the hell up about the last episode of the Jersey Shore when you're trying to enjoy a good fuck. The only part of that issue that's really important to remember is that in the end, Concord got the better of X-23. He drugged her and Gambit. Then he threw X-23 in the trunk and Daken was probably jerking off in excitement as douche-bags are so prone to do.

X-23 #9 has a much clearer transition to begin with. X-23 is in a special cell that's about as spacious as a Japanese subway at rush hour. Concord is there taunting her, which is understandable. X-23 did rip his fucking finger nails out in the last issue. You would almost expect the guy to put her in an oven. But he's nothing if not a pragmatist. He makes it clear to X-23 that despite the torture, he's going to get what he wants from her. Usually when a scary man says that to a teenage girl, it's leads to the kind of stories that Fox News would jump all over. This one is ten times worse than that and anybody who has read X-23's mini (which you should totally get if you haven't) has an idea of what she's in for.

While X-23 is about to get a little R&R in Hell, Gambit wakes up in the comfortable dwelling of a beautiful woman. Concord wasn't interested in snot-nosed Cajuns it seems. That or he has a daughter that he would rather not see bent over a blackjack table screaming how she hit the jackpot. He finds out from Tyger that X-23 is gone and Daken screwed them over, as if that should come as a shock to anyone. They share a nice moment, but there really doesn't seem to be much purpose to this scene other than Gambit finding out he's failed X-23 again. He ties to keep her out of trouble, but like half the teenage girls from my high school graduating class trouble is more drawn to teenage girls than R. Kelly on Jerry Springer.

That's the last anyone will see of Gambit in this issue. Everything else is about X-23 and Daken, as well it should be. Daken still shows that he's in the major league of douche-bags when he has a meeting with Concord. He allowed him to capture X-23. Now he's interested in what he's going to do with her, presumably so he can laugh his ass off in between banging hookers. Concord mentions something that X-23 fans should remember from her mini (again, get that book if you haven't already), the trigger scent. This scent is something that was developed by X-23's creators so that when she sniffs it, she goes into a homicidal rage that's almost unstoppable. It's like Pacman Jones at a strip club.

It's the perfect weapon, yet he claims to have no interest in testing on her (yet). Daken doesn't seem too thrilled about the idea of Weapon X starting up again, but what he expect him do to by helping him capture X-23? Force her to work in a sweatshop wearing lingerie? That might make too much sense in this context, disturbing it may be.

This conversation of the trigger scent leads directly to a scene right out of Miami Vice. A goofy looking guy on the dock is selling some very illegal shit to an attractive woman in a cloak. The product isn't your typical brick of Columbia imported blow or pictures of Paris Hilton going down on a goat. It's the trigger scent. That's right, one scene leads to a clear transition of another. It's what the last issue lacked and it makes this issue feel a lot more coherent. I know it's one of those little things, but when you're reading a comic book it's a big fucking deal. It's not clear who the woman is. It could be X-23 or someone else. But right now, the trigger scent is in play at that always fucks X-23 up more than a night of binge drinking with Jack Nickelson.

We go back to our trip into hell. Laura now finds herself in a twisted cross between the last Saw movie and an episode of House. It's a scene she's been in before, bound and surrounded by crazy doctors who likely lost their medical licenses doing lousy boob jobs. She's strapped to the world's worst massage chair and then the doctors prepare to use a fucking chainsaw to cut her open. There are very few things comic fans can agree on, but most will concede that using a chainsaw is pretty fucking awesome. Daken watches over briefly. He has a few cryptic words, but he doesn't stick around. You would think he would record this so he can jerk off to it later, but this is Daken. He's more unpredictable than the John Goodman's eating habits.

It's a gruesome moment. One that can only be appropriate in an X-23 comic. There's actually a "SPLERCH" sound effect to describe the noise the chainsaw makes when it cuts into her. It's a noise that you hear in your mind and can never unhear.X-23 describes the moment in a nice monologue. Whereas a less ballsy teenage girl would be whining for their mommies and daddies, she takes it the same way most people deal with a mosquito bite.

As brutal as this scene is, it's only a prelude. You can't expect Laura to just lie there and take it like Mike Tyson's old prison bitch. Like Wolverine, she fights back. She breaks free. Now it's not entirely clear how this happens, but Daken's earlier words seem to hint that he helped her. It's a very non-dick move from a guy that makes an Olympic sport out of them. Whatever the reason, X-23 goes off on these pissant excuse for doctors and it's such a satisfying scene that you only throw up a little.

After the blood stops staining everything in the room, Laura meets up with Daken. He confirms that he helped free her. So first he helped Concord capture her. Then he helped free her. Either this guy has a split personality or he's just so bored that he can't stop fucking with people in more than one way. X-23 understandably slugs him one. It seems like a good time for the X-23/Daken battle to resume, but then he reveals that he has a file that she would have had to kill a lot more people to get her hands on. It's a file covering everything about the facility that made her. Yet somehow Daken just leaves it for her to look at. He doesn't consider it betraying. He calls it "borrowing your presence." Not sure what that entails, but it still sounds like a dick move.

This file prevents X-23 from tearing into Daken for the moment. Daken claims he didn't know Concord was starting another Weapon X, but seriously what else could he have wanted a clone of Wolverine for? Being a douche-bag doesn't mean he's fucking dumb. But to his credit, Daken says he helped Concord so he could dig a little deeper and find out more. It's still not clear how much bullshit he's stepping in, but it's a nice mystery. One that's a lot more coherent than his usual decadent antics.

He and X-23 also have a nice conversation about how different they are. She was raised in a lab. He was raised by Romulus. She's a clone. He's the product of good old fashioned boning. Yet one of them actually has a sliver of humanity that makes them a decent person. Even though Daken is a classically made human, he doesn't understand being human as much as X-23. It's a startling contrast between the two characters and one that provide great depth to a comic that has been more soaked with blood than Madonna on PMS.

It leads to another scene with another drug deal. The same woman in the cloak from before is buying more trigger scent. Again, it's not clear who she is. But she's packing a fucking gun and takes out the generous black market assholes that sold the stuff to her. Now usually Daken is the one that makes the dick moves, but this one takes the cake. Say what you will about the black market, they're still a business. If you start killing the generous folk who sell you all those juicy vices at a somewhat bloated price, you'll never get your ill-gotten merchandise again. You would have to wait until Ron Paul is elected president, which will likely be never.

This scene really doesn't do much other than act as filler from the last scene and give another excuse for more bloodshed. It's the same problem the previous issue had. It had scenes that seemed too much like filler. Now maybe this scene will have more meaning in the next issue, but that's not clear nor is it even hinted at. It just feels like a scene you can skip over because it's a bloodier repeat of an earlier scene. These pages could go to so much better use, like maybe a close up of Psylocke's ass or Rogue's cleavage. But I digress.

After their little philosophical chat, X-23 and Daken probe further into Concord's facility. Even if they're inclined to cut each others' heads off, they're more inclined to cut Concord's off first. Daken leads her to another part of the facility. Along the way they run into more out-of-work doctors. Since these guys aren't armed with any chainsaws, they do what you would expect doctors to do in that position. They run like cowards. I would mock this with a little girl joke, but given what X-23 did to the doctors that carved her up earlier I fully respect such cowardice. They have my respect for doing the most logical thing and not pissing themselves in the process.

It saves Daken and X-23 the trouble of more killing. Some readers might be a little disappointed. If this comic hasn't had enough bloodshed yet then you might want to go back to group therapy and tell the doctors about the dreams of raining blood you've been having. That would be useful information for any doctor NOT working at Weapon X knock-offs to have. But as soon as they leave, X-23 and Daken face another challenge. X-23 goes to what she thought was crying. Then someone decided that all of Concord's dirty secrets need to be let out for some fresh air. So all those fancy locked doors open and out pour a hoard of monsters. It shows that Concord didn't just rely on X-23 to bring back Weapon X. He did some homework and this would certainly qualify him as a straight-A student.

It's a twist that doesn't feel like a twist. X-23 and Daken now have to stop fighting each other and debating who's more human than who. When facing an army of monsters, those petty differences just don't seem as important. It sets the stage for an extra bloody conclusion and if you're not drooling over the possibilities, you either just came from the dentist or you're dead.

Going back to what I said earlier about one good comic overshadowing three bad comics, I'll say outright that this was a damn good comic. It had a lot fewer flaws than Daken #8. It was coherent. It was action-packed. It was bloody. It was even shocking at times, showing some depth and character development to go along with that blood. Marjorie Liu's touch is apparent in this book. She has a great feel for characterization and adding a touch of heart to scenes that otherwise qualify as torture porn. The moments with X-23 when she was strapped to the table was powerful in addition to being gruesome. Daken's actions make him seem less like a douche and more like someone with a half-logical plan. Yet the conflict between the two is still there and gets more complicated as the book goes on. Now at the end it looks like they have to work together. It's a great flow for a book and one that lends so many possibilities.

There were still a few flaws that seemed to carry over from the last book. There was some filler material, namely with the drug deal for the trigger scent. There were also some shaky transitions, like how X-23 and Daken went from debating humanity to just exploring the facility. Daken still comes off as a tool, but towards the end he does seem to have a more coherent plan. It still isn't clear what he's after and his dialog didn't seem as refined as X-23's. It still helps that it makes more sense in the end. It would help even more if the path to that end was a bit smoother.

X-23 #9 didn't fully rescue the series. It wasn't in need of complete redemption from the last issue. It just needed a story that would get the Collision arc back on track. And it worked. Minor flaws aside, X-23 #9 brought the arc back into focus and set the stage for a very eventful conclusion. For that I give X-23 #9 a 4 out of 5. It's not perfect yet. All the pieces still need to fall into place. Daniel Way and Marjorie Liu have done an amazing job with this story. It's awesome mixed with blood. What more can you ask for? Nuff said!