Uncharted and Off-Track: X-men #16

The following is my review of X-men #16, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Even in the era of GPS and Google Maps, it’s easy to get lost. Even if the destination is clear and there have been successful trips before, there’s always a chance of getting off-track and those chances are worse than anyone cares to admit. It usually isn’t the first wrong turn that gets things going in the wrong direction. It’s the fifth, sixth, and tenth turns that changes the situation from merely being off-course to being in another time zone. For the situation surrounding the all-female X-men, it’s hard to know what time zone they’re in, but their watches are clearly not synchronized.

When this new, female-centric X-men series began, the destination for the story was fairly clear. And for the most part, it reached that destination safely on numerous occasions. This series wasn’t just about an all-female team of X-men. It created a unique team dynamic that gave the story a unique context. However, that dynamic has faltered in recent issues and X-men #16 is a culmination of one too many wrong turns and a few too many missed turns. If this story were on a road trip, it would be in the wrong state by now.

Initially, this story was built around one fairly simple conflict. The biological father of Shogo, Jubilee’s adopted son, has returned to claim him. It was a conflict that fit nicely into the overall narrative of the series because it began with Jubilee rescuing Shogo. That conflict might provide a simple foundation, but everything built on top of it lacks structure and refinement, like a gingerbread house that doesn’t have enough frosting. There’s a clear attempt to turn this conflict into something that explores other side-plots going on throughout the all-female team, such as the presence of Storm’s future daughter, Kymera, and the training of younger mutants like Hellion into a more capable team of X-men. While these are plots worth exploring, they end up detracting from the main conflict. At times, it feels like they’re in the wrong X-men comics.

Some of these plots, like Kymera, are appropriate to explore in some respect. There’s just only so much that can be explored while the main focus is supposed to be on rescuing Jubilee and protecting Shogo. Kymera’s foresight into the future should give her and Storm so many things to discuss. Who is her father? Who lives and who dies? Do Cyclops and Wolverine ever mend the Schism? Will Deadpool ever shut up? None of this comes up. Everything is centered around the conflict with Shogo and Jubilee. While this keeps the story focused, it essentially hijacks this unresolved story. It would be like someone having the power to see into the future, but the only thing they use it for is to check the weather for the next football game.

It also doesn’t help that Shogo’s father, who calls himself The Future, doesn’t come off as a character worth hijacking these other plots. He operates under the principle of shoot-random-people-and-wing-it-from-there. He’s supposed to be this extremely dangerous crime lord with access to weapons and personnel that would impress even the Kingpin, but he decides to go about retrieving his son in the most inefficient and messy way possible. There doesn’t appear to be any underlying motivation to his actions or his desire to get Shogo. He gives the impression that he just doesn’t like anyone taking things that belong to him, be it his Sunday newspaper or infant son that he did nothing to protect. He doesn’t even show the slightest affection for his son. He just wants him back because Shogo is his, not because he wants to know the joys of fatherhood.

This further limits the emotional impact of the conflict. The Future is painfully generic as a character and a threat. In addition, the all-female X-men don’t even go about attacking him in a very efficient way. They think they’ve done enough preparation, but when they encounter an exotic defense system that involves turning the vegetation against them. It’s nowhere near as epic as the walking trees in Lord of the Rings and only serves to slow the narrative down even further.

But it isn’t just the slow pace of the story that makes it feel lost and disorganized. Many conversations and actions are just too predictable. Jubilee’s argument with The Future could have been cut and pasted from an old Superfriends cartoon. The Future plays into every villainous stereotype, making no effort whatsoever to create any sense of depth. All Jubilee can do is give a typical Braveheart style speech, minus the painted face and mooning. It doesn’t create any strong emotions. It doesn’t create any tension either. It’s might as well be an excuse to get the X-men out of the Jean Grey Institute and fight something besides killer robots and resurrected enemies.

That’s not to say the conflict is without merit. While the plot might be slow and the dialog might be forgettable, the story never loses sight of the main theme of the story. The focus is still on the X-men fighting to retain custody of Shogo. It’s a conflict that offered plenty of reasons for excitement in the beginning. But as this story drags, the excitement wanes. That doesn’t make the conflict any less meaningful. Jubilee has undergone numerous conflicts in adopting Shogo as her son. Many of those conflicts have made for some of the most compelling stories in this series, but this one is just poorly developed and poorly organized.

The details might be lacking, but nobody gets mischaracterized and nobody does anything that completely undermines their established personality. X-men #16 certainly feels like an X-men comic, albeit a very disorganized and underwhelming X-men comics, but it doesn’t feel like the same X-men comic that had been built around this powerful, all-female cast. Like hippie protesters, it tries to do too much and only ends up next to nothing.

Final Score: 4 out of 10

X-23 #19 - Heart Shattering Awesome

Teenagers are complicated, irrational creatures. One day they're so frail that the mere thought of taking a quiz in algebra class sends them into crying fits. The next they're so cold that they'll casually tell their parents that they choke small animals in their spare time. As a former teenager with more than his share of poor impulse control, comics like X-23 resonate with me. They don't just remind me that being a teenager sucks ass. They remind me that while it helps to have a healing factor and adamantium claws, you learn how to make tough decisions and live with them before you're too old make up for it.

X-23 under Marjorie Liu has been more a teenager than she has been a mutant or a Wolverine clone. It's been a boon for her character, so much so that it should be a federal crime that this series is getting cancelled. But I'd rather not go on that rant again. I'm still hung over from too much eggnog. Under Liu, X-23 has gone through some tough phases. She left Utopia, crossed paths with Sinister, took on Daken, and went through a self-mutilation phase. She even dabbled a bit in cosmic threats with the FF. Now she's taken a slightly less outrageous mission in the form of babysitting the children of Reed and Sue Richards. Wait...did I say that was less outrageous. Man, I am hung over!

Not surprisingly, this babysitting endeavor goes horribly wrong. The Richards children accidentally open a portal that takes them across the universe where a crazed fanboy with advanced technology and too much free time, abducts Franklin and Valeria. All the while, X-23 is dealing with her on-again/off-again boy toy Hellion. He was a bit of a jerk to her, but in his defense X-23 didn't say shit to him. She just visited him and left. He tried to catch up with her. A dragon and a time warp got in the way. That's pretty much par for the course in comics. However, I would argue it's no more serious than meeting your high school girlfriend's father and finding out he's a rabid NRA supporter whose eye twitches at you every time you stare at him for too long.

But I'd rather not relive memories of my ex. I'd rather focus on how this story continues with X-23 #19. In the last issue, X-23 met up with the Collector in his fancy ship only to find out that the Richards kids are now floating helplessly in space in a couple of bubble-like orbs. They're low on oxygen and time. The Collector, who seems intent on adding a Wolverine clone to his collection, decides to screw with her a bit by giving her a chance to rescue them. He gives her this fancy space suit and dares her to go after them. Hellion certainly doesn't like it, but X-23 is the babysitter if I recall. She's gotta get those kids or she doesn't get paid.

It's X-23 vs. the vacuum of space in an effort to get two pesky kids who got her into this shit by playing with dimensional portals. It seems more fair than it should be, but Hellion doesn't see it that way. He's still inclined to kick the Collector's ass for putting the girl he seriously wants to bone in this kind of danger. He continues to give him even more reasons because while he has him by the neck, he tells him that the fancy suit he so generously lent X-23 had a 'batteries not included' label. So like my ex-girlfriend's vibrator, it doesn't have the juice to get the job done and X-23 is that much more vulnerable.

What happens next is a test in physics. Pop quiz all you wonderful readers. What happens when you put someone in a vacuum? Answer, they suffer and choke in agonizing pain. For anyone else, that's death. But keep in mind that X-23 has lived a good deal of her life in agonizing pain. Hell, she was brought up in a lab where some guys probably jerked off to her suffering. So much to the Collector's chagrin, X-23 doesn't let a little something like a lack of oxygen stop her. Even with her healing, the vacuum of space is going to win that battle and even she knows it.

This is where it pays to be stuck with a guy who is seriously trying to bone you. When X-23 manages to break the air lock and send them both flying out into the vacuum of space, Hellion channels his inner Green Lantern and uses his telekinesis to save X-23. He's even nice enough to get Franklin and Valeria back to safety. Now I'm not sure if that's just nice or if that's his way of inching closer to getting inside X-23's panties, but it's probably the first real honest act of heroism that he's done in quite a while. I think there's a hidden message here. When teenagers are assholes, they're assholes to an amazing degree. But when given the potential for pussy, they'll be as heroic as Superman. Take note, parents! That's definitely something useful.

Once they're back in the ship and in the presence of sweet, wonderful oxygen, X-23 turns her attention back to the Collector. It's one thing to abduct Valeria and Franklin on her first babysitting run. It's another to trick her into flying out into space and then cutting off her air supply. Then he decides to go for the trifecta by attempting to kill Hellion for screwing his plan up. That's a no-no for X-23. Even if this kid is a jerk, he did save her life. While that may not get him into her panties, that will get him a vengeance kill. So even with a body that's still clearly fucked up from getting dangerously close to going down on the grim reaper, she takes on the Collector. At first he boasts how he's superhuman and immortal. She decides to test that claim by chopping off the guy's fucking head. Given all the crap he's put her through, a drawn out battle just wouldn't seem appropriate. When you piss a teenage girl off that much, decapitation is probably the most merciful fate one can hope for. Again, another lesson for would-be parents.

The Collector is dead. They're all still alive and in one piece, despite an unpleasant trip into space. So using the Collector's own gear, Valeria and Franklin program a portal that not only sends them back to New York it also sends the dragon back where it came from. See? Kids aren't completely psychopathic. They make it back to the lab only to see that it's royally fucked up. But these are the Richards kids. They're smarter than the average per-pubecant horrors and can clean up a lab in under 10 minutes. So since X-23 and Hellion were nice enough to save their lives and all, they do just that. So by the time Reed and Sue get home, they're both sleeping peacefully on the couch and you would never guess that they just got back from an adventure in space with a psychotic collector. But given their experience, they probably just assume it and shrug it off as another normal day.

X-23's first stint into babysitting is done. She leaves the FF understandably exhausted and probably jaded about a career in babysitting. But there's one other immature tyke she has to deal with and that's Hellion. He's waiting for her outside and he's intent on talking to her in the way she's been avoiding since this shit began. Now remember, she's the one that visited him at the institute when this arc began and she didn't do shit. She just showed up and left. So it's actually understandable that Hellion would want to talk to her to get some answers. But she still doesn't budge. Then he tries kissing her. It's not a very subtle kiss either. It's not the kind that X-23 is repulsed by. But then when it's over and he tries to get emotional, she just flat out says she doesn't want him. She doesn't care about him. She staying in the city, but not for him. It's probably the coldest, most dickish thing she's done in this comic and that includes the decapitation scene. So Hellion is understandably upset. He calls her out for being a machine that can't feel. It's harsh, but in this case X-23 deserved it.

This scene effectively ends the X-23/Hellion relationship, but in a way that's hardly clean. Marjorie Liu is great at writing teen drama and she does a great job of showing just how conflicted Hellion is. However, X-23 is so utterly stoic that I have a hard time making sense of this. She shows up, drags him along, and then breaks his heart? I know teenage girls can be cruel, but WTF? It's not that X-23 dumped Hellion in the middle of a street that bothers me. It's that she says so little and there's nothing in her expression that says anymore. She doesn't offer an explanation. She doesn't explain or even imply her motivations. She just flat out says "I don't want you. Now leave." It actually makes her seem like more of a douche than Hellion and that's saying a lot.

Now Hellion has even more reason to be emo, but X-23 doesn't seem to give too much of a damn. She just goes out for pizza where she meets up with Gambit. As he's done for much of this series, he offers X-23 some insight into what she's going through. It's not the most insightful bit of advice. To her credit X-23 does admit that Hellion meant something to her before, but it had changed. Gambit says that's normal and it is. Sometimes feelings get stronger and sometimes they don't and you have to move on. It sounds like the kind of message you get from a John Huges movie, but it's kind of hard to believe that coming from Gambit because he's been hung up on Rogue since the fucking Clinton administration. He says it's easier said than done, but that's like saying you can fix a nuclear reactor with a fucking wrench. The man has no credibility in this department and maybe that's the point.

Gambit takes X-23 home where she can do whatever teenage girls do after they break the heart of a teenage boy. I always imagined that they summon demons and swap blood with them so they can enjoy the suffering they inflict. Or maybe that's just my ex or that bitch that said I had too many pimples to go the prom with her. Whatever she had planned, those plans change when she arrives to find that she already has a guest. A few arcs ago, X-23 made her first real BFF in the form of Vampire Jubilee. She's the kind of girl that is such a stark contrast to X-23 that I'm pretty sure that Chuck Lorre is working on a sitcom based around this presence. So even with this series nearing it's end, Marjorie Liu sets us up for one last arc that involves trained killers and vampires. Sounds like fun to me!

So X-23's first venture into babysitting isn't a booming success or an epic failure. She does manage to keep Valeria and Franklin safe, but only after they make it exceedingly difficult for her by getting them caught up with an asshole like the Collector. While that turned out well, her pep talk with Hellion did not. I know there are some rabid Hellion/X-23 shippers out there and this issue is probably a dagger to the heart. X-23 makes it clear. She doesn't care about Hellion anymore. She's not all that conflicted about it either. She said so little to Hellion early on and gave so little indication as to what she felt for most of the story. It's still not clear if there was something else at work or if she was just being cold as teenagers tend to be. Either way, that romance is pretty much dead and given how much of an asshat Hellion has been since he lost his hands it may be for the better.

This was a great issue in terms of action and drama, but the lack of substance to X-23's interactions with Hellion is what really brought it down. Hellion was the emotional one here. All X-23 did was show up, stare blankly, and say she didn't want him in the end. I get that teenage girls have fucked up emotions, but the lack of insight here has me scratching my head. I honestly don't know what to make of X-23's actions here, but it looks like she has other drama in her life with Jubilee entering the picture again. In a way it sounds like she would get along a lot better with someone like Jubilee, a blood-sucking vampire that has to control her urge to kill just like X-23. Whether or not they talk about boys is basically moot at this point because the lack of detail here just makes it seem meaningless.

Everything else in this issue was solid. Marjorie Liu's writing is as good as we've come to expect. The art is beautiful. The action and the pacing all work nicely. It's just that emotional flatness on X-23 that brings this issue down. It ends the arc on a solid note, but it still feels like it's lacking. So with that minor detail, I give X-23 #19 a 4.5 out of 5. If you're an X-23/Hellion fan, you're probably going to hate this with the fire of a billion suns. But if you're just a fan of teen drama mixed with aliens and dragons, you'll have plenty to enjoy. Nuff said!

X-23 #18 - Cosmic Babysitting Mayhem

The 80s taught us many valuable life lessons that include but are not restricted to the following: promiscuous teenagers get hacked to death by masked serial killers, crazy hair somehow has the magical power to make you awesome, and cocaine is a hell of a drug. It also taught us that babysitting is almost as hazardous as Charlie Sheen's girlfriend. It used to be a whole genre of shitty movies, following teenage girls that filled out bras way sooner than they should be biologically capable of as they watch over children that are as devious and cunning as crack heads armed with a tank. Those movies aren't made anymore for a reason. They're shitty, boring, and overly censored by the humorless pussies of the MPAA. But that doesn't mean the concept is without merit

That's where Marjorie Liu's X-23 comes in. For much of her run, Liu has played up the notion that X-23 is still a teenage girl despite being a clone of Wolverine that was trained to kill from the moment she could walk. She kindly reminds the readers that being a killer kind of has a way of fucking up someone and when you're a teenage girl with weapons grade hormones assaulting your every whim, that's a bad combination. For much of the series, Liu has taken X-23 down many roads of self-discovery and has done such a great job that I can't find it in me to make a lesbian porno joke. Her latest arc has X-23 taking on a babysitter role, something that many teenage girls partake in at some point in their lives. Sure, it may be some cruel conspiracy by society to prepare them for baby making, but it's a valuable life lesson.

Unfortunately, the kids she ends up babysitting belong to Reed and Sue Richards. In the previous arc, she made friends with them by helping them beat back a cosmic force that was looking to date rape their dimension. In their mind, that qualifies her for babysitting their kids. Personally, I think X-23 was better off taking her chances with an inter-dimensional tyrant intent on enslaving the world. Two genius kids with access to technology 100 years ahead of it's time is like putting a kid in a room with a pile of sugar with a table of sharp objects. Needless to say, X-23's foray into babysitting didn't go very well. First, Hellion won't stop bugging her after he was a massive dick cheese to her when she paid a visit to the new Jean Grey Institute. Then Valerie and Franklyn ended up creating another dimensional gateway that caused a dragon to appear. That would sound random in most comics, but since this is dealing with the FF it makes as much sense as a kid finding their parents' stash of weed.

X-23 #18 picks up on this babysitting gig gone horribly wrong. The creature has Franklin and Valerie in both claws and is flying over New York. X-23 is latched onto it's tail and clawing her way up it's back. I assume she wants Reed and Sue to pay her for all this trouble so she has a lot of intensive to make sure these kids aren't fried. That's not as easy as it sounds considering that this is a dragon and dragons like to spit fire. That makes their breath only slightly less offensive than Ann Coulter.

A fight with a killer purple dragon can go so many ways. Having slain many a dragons while on an acid trip, I can say from experience that X-23 needs to utilize unconventional methods. Even with adamantium claws and healing, she's horribly overmatched. She needs to find out just what kind of dragon she's dealing with while trying hard not to be a rooster in Colonel Sanders's coop. Well here's where Liu throws in a bit of a twist. While the dragon is flying X-23 and the Richards kids over the city, X-23 actually explains to the creature that she needs to protect these kids and it response. Now this wouldn't be the most fucked up thing I've seen happen to a dragon (I get really awesome acid), but apparently this creature isn't about kidnapping princesses of child bearing age and demanding that virile men rescue her. It just wants some manners. Seriously, should it take a fucking dragon to get that? I'm pretty sure Liu is sending a message to the teenagers of America.

As often happens with any positive lesson, an overly horny young man with poor impulse control fucks everything up. Remember Hellion? In the last issue he was right outside the FF building hoping to talk to X-23 (or have her touch his penis, whichever comes first). Seeing as how the woman he wants to bone is apparently in trouble, he goes after the dragon and hits it with telekinesis just as it's being nice enough to let X-23 and the kids down. As a former teenage boy myself who obeyed one too many impulses in my youth, I can sympathize with Hellion. But it's a fucking dragon, kid. Even the best imported acid from Angola has it's limits.

X-23 is understandably pissed. But unlike many other 80s babysitter movies, the dragon doesn't fucking explode after Hellion screws it up. He still subdues it and it nice enough to catch Franklyn and Valeria before they become street pizza. He gives her a look that says "you fucked up and you're never seeing me naked." She also tells him to get the dragon back to the Baxter Building while she tends to the kids. But before she can even begin to immaculate him, the dragon pulls a fast one. While he's holding it with his telekinesis, the whole damn creature just erupts in this typical comic band of light that engulfs Hellion, X-23, and the kids. It's sudden, but Angolan acid is still better.

Now there isn't much mystery here even if that's what this scene is supposed to convey. I get the premise. There's more to this dragon than meets the eye. But a bland light engulfing them? It's as boring as it sounds. It's like describing Natalie Portman's ass in less than four words. It just doesn't convey the sheer majesty of what's going on.

When the bland light fades, X-23 and Hellion find that they're not in New York anymore (or maybe they're in the Bronx because they're on a pile of garbage). So the whole babysitting plot was grounded enough, but then the dragon kind of spiced it up. Now they're on an entirely new world that's almost exclusively composed of garbage. It's quite a transition and it's a bit abrupt, but it doesn't change the central focus of the story. X-23 still needs to find the Richards kids, for whom she is responsible. Reed and Sue are still off for a night on the town, foolishly assuming that their kids are okay. In the Marvel universe, that's like assuming Jean Grey is dead for good. It's fucking stupid.

Helping X-23 with her search is Hellion, who was standing over her like a career stalker when she came to. Having already earned himself a restraining order from X-23's panties for no less than ten years, he has a lot to make up for. So as they start looking, they finally have the talk that every teenage would-be couple avoids like the first day of high school. Marjorie Liu actually uses this moment to clear a few things up. Keep in mind, this is the first X-23 arc since Schism so the events of regenesis are still settling in. X-23 takes some time to clarify where she stands in the Team Wolverine/Team Cyclops spat. She makes it clear to Hellion that she's on neither side. He also makes it clear to her that he really did miss her and despite being a complete dick, he still cares about her and it hurt him when she just up and left. It helps create a nice moment between the two when X-23 reveals that she stayed by his side while he was healing during the whole Hellverine shit. So as much as Hellion has ruined his chances of getting to know X-23's bra size, she still has feelings for him.

This a wonderful moment of teen drama, for which Marjorie Liu deserves plenty of praise. However, not a whole lot is really said to work out the meat and bones of their relationship. X-23 and Hellion have had a very unspoken connection since their New Mutant days. There's something there, but they've never put it into words. It was cute at first, but now it's just annoying. This seemed like a great opportunity to clear it up, but not much comes of it.

In their defense, they finally locate Franklyn and Valeria. They're trapped in a couple of containment orbs and being guarded by a killer robot that looks like a sentinel that has been snorting whatever shit Barry Bonds was injecting into his ass. The killer robot demands that they let him hang onto these two kids for whatever sick shit that robots do to kids in junkyards, which can't be any worse than what happens to them in Baltimore public schools mind you. X-23 and Hellion, having clashed with many a killer robots, give it the proverbial finger and start kicking it's ass.

As you would expect, a robot in a junkyard doesn't put up much of a fight even if it does look all big and bad. X-23 makes quick work of it while Hellion tries (and fails) to free Franklyn and Valeria. Upon slicing open the robot like a kid cutting up the naked women in your nudie magazines, X-23 discovers that the giant robot actually has a pilot. He looks like a cross between Magneto, Gandalf, and Elton John only slightly more gay. He calls himself the collector and claims to be an elder of the universe. So he's basically a god if god was a reclusive fanboy that spent most of his time trying to outbid people on ebay for anything William Shatner sat on. It's only slightly less pathetic than being the god who cleans Galactus's toilet.

But this Collector asshole shows he's serious about his obsession. Before Hellion can free Valeria and Franklyn, he pulls a little cosmic trick and causes their containment orbs to rocket into space. Why does he do this? Is it just to be an asshole? Not necessarily, although I'm sure that's part of it. After X-23 tells the Collector that she's Wolverine's clone, he suddenly becomes intrigued. That means Wolverine may have either killed someone he knows or fucked an ex-girlfriend (or both). But he makes it clear that he wants X-23 in a way far less creepy than Hellion and if she doesn't cooperate than the Richards kids are going to run out of air and be lost in space forever. It's basically what would happen if you gave those Ebay douche-bags the power of a god.

In my last review I praised the premise for this arc because it was more grounded than the previous arc which dealt in cosmic forces. This issue took that once grounded arc, strapped to a rocket, and shot it into a wormhole. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It's actually a hell of a task, beginning a story one way and then adding extreme elements like a garbage planet and obsessive alien collectors. Yet Marjorie Liu finds a way to make this work and not just because her characterization and willingness to tackle teen drama like Hellion and X-23 is so well done. Look at it another way. If this arc was as down to Earth as most of those lame babysitter movies from the 80s I mentioned earlier, it would have been a hell of a shift from arc to arc. To go from a cosmic arc to a babysitting arc is a bigger shift than Newt Gingrich's presidential platform. By mixing in a few cosmic elements, this arc actually doesn't feel as dramatic a change from the previous arc. It actually flows with the series, which shows an attention to detail that most writers are too lazy or impatient to utilize.

While I love the sense of cohesion that this issue brings along with the previous issue, the transition from New York City to this garbage world still felt a bit too abrupt. I know it's a hard transition to make, but visually and organizationally speaking it was pretty bland. Also, the conversation between X-23 and Hellion, while dramatic, lacked substance. They did a lot of talking without saying much. And no that's not stoner talk. Not entirely anyways. But it basically amounted to Hellion missing X-23. Then they come close to kissing? It just doesn't seem to fit. I'm assuming that the drama between them doesn't end here. The arc isn't over and Hellion and X-23 are pretty much stuck having to rescue Valeria and Franklyn together. But it still feels like not enough was done.

X-23 is still a top notch X-men book that shouldn't be canceled. Alas, we're left to cherish these issues while we can because the end is near for them. Marjorie Liu's knack for mixing teen drama with cosmic forces is akin to vodka and whiskey. It just works. There are still some drama gaps just begging to be filled, not unlike my shot glass. But while I pour a few rounds in anticipation for the next issue, I give X-23 #18 a 4 out of 5. I still don't miss the 80s too much. I sure would love puffy hair and lenient cocaine policies to come back, but X-23 serves as a fond reminder that when you mix cute teenage girls with babysitting there are so many awesome stories you can tell. Nuff said!

X-23 #17 - Teen Drama Awesome

I usually don't need an excuse to drown my sorrows in booze, but when I have a damn good one I milk that excuse for all it's worth. If I sound like I'm hung over, then congradulations. You just won the award for understatement of the century. Right now I feel like Superman and the Hulk are having a tap-dancing contest inside my skull. That's the kind of hangover you get after you find out a quality comic book series like X-23 has been cancelled. That's right. It was made official earlier this week. This series, which happens to be the only series Marvel has going that features a female lead, is ending at issue 22. Way to strike a blow for feminism, Marvel!

There's no way around it. This news sucks. Anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows that I'm a big fan of X-23 under Marjorie Liu. It's a different kind of X-men comic with it's own unique blend of awesome. It isn't all about women in skin-tight outfits fighting killer robots. It's a coming of age story for a teenage girl who happens to be Wolverine's daughter/clone. It's a story that won't have the same theatrics as Schism or Fear Itself, but it'll develop a character that deserves developing. Now it's ending and I'm left saddened, hung over, and maybe a little emotional. Excuse me while I question my masculinity.

But hung over or not, I'll still review this series! It's not over yet so the women of the world can enjoy a Marvel comic with a female lead for just a bit longer. Marjorie Liu has a story to tell to the testicle-driven world of comics and she sure as hell is going to tell it. She's coming off an arc where X-23 made some new friends with the FF and some new enemies with interdimensional tyrants. It was one of those out-there type stories that was confusing at times, but an entertaining spectacle not unlike watching your uncle with a spastic colon light his own farts. Now X-23 has new allies that happen to have a lot of awesome connections and a new appreciation for cosmic forces. Where could she possibly go after shit like that?

X-23 #17 begins by using a similar tactic that the previous arc used. It revists a plot that was touched on early in the series. This one involves our old friend Julian Keller, aka the tempramental teenage boy that wants to bone Laura. Now I can appreciate having such a death with, but he's undergone some changes since that early arc. First he lost his hands and now has to slam the ham with telekinesis-driven prosthetics. Then in Wolverine and the X-men #1 he was shown to be part of the newly found Jean Grey Institute for Higher Learning. Apparently, he's not all that friendly with his new surroundings. He's a reclusive dick cheese and Wolverine doesn't like that. So he decides to sit down with him and have a chat because the institute is fucked up enough without hostile teenage boys. Wait a minute...that makes it no better than my old high school! WTF?

Since Wolverine doesn't appear to be making any progress with this kid, he brings in the only force capable of reaching the stubborn mind of a teenage boy...a teenage girl. Suddenly, Hellion realizes that living like a pig and acting like an ass makes a guy stink in the eyes of a girl that may or may not be willing to bone him. Wolverine seems confident that X-23 can get Hellion to open up, if for no other reason than to inch his way closer into her panties. But this isn't just a case of Wolverine pimping his clone/daughter to one of his messed up students. Anyone who followed X-23 in the early arcs knows that X-23 and Hellion have a history. By history I mean they seem to want to bone each other, but shit keeps getting in the way. X-23 fought Hellverine to save Hellion (does that count as irony), but she didn't even say goodbye to him before she left. So there are some unresolved feelings here that are finally getting explored.

They finally start talking and Hellion stops talking as if his penis is seven feet long. He essentially tells X-23 about why he's been so pissed off lately. Never mind that he had his hands blown off. He had to to seriously hurt people (see the post-Second Coming arc of X-men Legacy) when no one else was willing to. He admits he does some lousy shit and he's a bit of an asshole, but he sees himself as a necessary asshole. He's also not so self-absorbed that he think he would last long outside the institute or Utopia by himself. Everyone thinks he's a danger and even he seems to believe it now. But if anyone can understand what it's like to be dangerous, it's X-23. It makes you sense that if there's anyone who would shack up with him in a way that isn't out of pity, it's X-23.

Unfortunately, X-23 doesn't offer much input on her own. In fact, she doesn't offer much of anything. Once Hellion finishes venting, she turns around to leave. So she goes through the trouble of coming back to the institute to see the boy she never said goodbye to that wants to bone her and then she just leaves? That's two WTFs. I honestly don't see the point of her showing up if she's not going to say anything. However, that doesn't excuse what Hellion does in response. Granted, he has somewhat of a right to be upset, but when he grabs in in a very Ike Turner sort of way he crosses the line from sympathetic asshat to just plain asshat. His only saving grace is that Gambit shows up to tell X-23 that she has a call from the FF. He also makes it a point to tell Hellion that if he touches X-23 or any other woman like that again, he'll need an electron microscope to find what's left of his penis.

Now some those who have been following the X-23/Hellion soap opera may be taken aback by this. Hellion is an ass, but he seems to cross a line here by getting rough with X-23. Never mind that X-23 could probably kill in ten times before his body hit the ground. This is a low for him that really comes out of nowhere in the context of this relationship. Earlier in this series, he went out of his way to save her. Now he's getting outright hostile with her. I get that he's been fucked up since then, but that's no excuse and it just doesn't seem to fit.

X-23 leaves Hellion to ponder his collapsed scrotum while Sue Richards of the FF ropes her into babysitting Franklyn and Valerie. Now you would think hiring a teenage Wolverine clone with a long list of issues sounds like shitty parenting, but seeing as how X-23 earned the FF's trust in the past arc and Sue exhausted all their options they give her the benefit of the doubt. So she and Reed don't come off as complete assholes. Gambit drives X-23 to the FF building on his way to a date. I have no idea where the date came from, but it's Gambit. For some reason women can't resist the urge to throw their panties at him.

When she arrives, it's very simple in the Marvel sort of way. Reed and Sue give X-23 the standard rundown and lecture his kids on not causing any trouble. Of course for them, trouble can involve a science experiment that blows up several time zones so it's not as typical as it seems. Knowing X-23 has handled inter-dimensional tyrants, you would assume she could handle herself. But when you really think about it in a less than sober mind, she's probably more safe taking on the inter-dimensional tyrant.

Babysitting the Richards children sounds as twisted as you would expect. By some accounts X-23 is a cool babysitter and not because she wears skin-tight clothes. She lets Franklyn and Valeria use their patented time window so they can see into the past. It's their version of picking a movie to watch. Then Franklyn says he wants to go into the past and pet the dinosaur, but to do so would require the energy of a half-megaton nuclear bomb. This is where X-23 draws the line. That doesn't make her less cool. It just makes her sane.

As was the case with my old babysitter, X-23 gets a call from her brooding boy toy. Unlike my old babysitter, she doesn't run up the phone bill by having phone sex with him. It's Hellion and he's trying to apologize for being a total dick-cheese. He also happens to be standing outside the FF building because he's the kind of guy that would follow a girl he got rough with, further adding to his douche-bag factor. X-23 resists the urge to fall into every babysitting trap ever made. She's still not saying much to Hellion other than he didn't hurt her and she doesn't want him to come up. You get the sense that she has more to say, but like Wolverine words are not her foray. Cutting shit up with her claws is.

Well luckily or unluckily, her chat with Hellion gets cut short because the Richards kids insist on being mischievous once more. They just can't resist tampering with the FF's technology. This goes about as well as you would expect. And if you expected that the tampering would cause the time window to rupture and free an angry dragon, then congratulations. You're both correct and you clearly got into my stash. At this point X-23 has to cease being a babysitter and start playing guardian. She also gets a chance to work off any anger she may feel towards Hellion without cutting off more of his limbs.

We get a nice shot of Reed and Sue, who appear to be having a nice time on their date. For once, they don't have to be in the thick of the shit storm when monsters from other dimensions emerge. For once, they can leave it to the babysitter that used to be a former living weapon. Needless to say, the dragon quickly makes a mess of things. It grabs both Franklyn and Valeria and X-23 grabs onto it's tail for a ride. There's a lesson about babysitting superhero kids in here somewhere. Or maybe it's just a lesson about dragons being douche-bags. Either way, it makes much more sense than the whole cosmic storyline from the previous arc and it's that much more enjoyable.

So I guess it's safe to say that this issue was a return to basics. When you can't tell a convoluted story about cosmic forces and inter-dimensional tyrants, just go with killer dragons and babysitting mishaps that could fit into any 80s teen movie. It's a simple contrast that's not too down to Earth by Marvel standards. And once again, Marjorie Liu demonstrates remarkable coherence in having the previous arc fuel the events of this arc, even if it is just the FF looking for a babysitter. That ended up being more relevant than X-23's unresolved drama with Hellion. Although between Hellion and the dragon, I would still say X-23 is better off dealing with the dragon.

That leads me to the main crux of this issue and it has nothing to do with dragons. The relationship between X-23 and Hellion has been poorly developed, but the chemistry was certainly apparent. Marjorie Liu had a great opportunity to really develop it, whether it brought them together or tore them apart. She opened up some old wounds with Hellion, but it seemed somewhat inconsistent with his recent developments. If you read Wolverine and the X-men #1 where Hellion showed up and then read this issue, you would have a hard time identifying them as the same character. In addition, Hellion came off as a wife-beater in training. Against someone like X-23, that's tantamount to waving your dick in the face of a hungry grizzly. Even he has to understand that it doesn't work and it paints the relationship between the two characters in a very unsavory way, which in my drunken opinion doesn't fit as it currently stands. But it looks like that problem is going to be worked out somewhere between babysitting and dragon slaying in the next issue.

Issues involving relationships are always somewhat messy. It's like being a maid at Gary Busey's house. You'll run into some fucked up things. But everything else around it was nicely developed. Using the FF again and setting X-23 up to face the horrors that the Richards children can unleash was done in a charming manner. Fans of the Hellion/X-23 relationship will definitely want to stick around to see what happens with them in the next issue. Fans of seeing X-23 beat the shit out of snarling monsters will want to see it as well. See! Everybody's happy! Congress can learn a lesson from comics, amongst other things. That's why I give X-23 #17 a 4.5 out of 5. It's not missing too many pieces. But it has a dragon in it so that's more than enough to deem it awesome. Nuff said!

X-men Legacy #243 - A Legacy of Awesome

Well for some drinking all the leftover eggnog at once is a bad idea. You may take a holiday from work, but hangovers never take a vacation so I had to wait until I could stand the glow of my computer screen before I wrote this review. While this week has been all about celebrating obese diabetics in red suits and the human sacrifice of some crazy jewish preacher 2000 years ago, there's always time for comics. This week has been full of great X-books. Uncanny X-men #531 came out and it wasn't exactly a Christmas gift of awesome. It wasn't a lump of coal either, but like Alexander Rodriguez's steroid test it's hit or miss. That has been the story for many X-books. Any one of the books can have one great issue that carpet bombs the comic world with awesome. Very few books are consistently awesome. X-men Legacy has been one of them.

Mike Carey is one of the longest tenured X-writers for a reason. The man knows what he's doing and he doesn't fuck it up by trying to blow too much shit up with every issue. He treats it like a process, not a Michael Bay movie. He focuses on a select set of characters, but still manages to make the book feel like it fits into the greater X-men universe. Most of the time he uses Rogue because he either has a soft spot for her or secretly wants to do her (or possibly both). Other times he brings other characters like Magneto into the mix. Since Second Coming, he's given Jean Gre-I mean Hope Summers some good moments. As the mutant messiah she's gotten her share of attention from pretty much every X-writer, but Carey hasn't done much to set himself apart. That changed with X-men Legacy #242.

The previous issue was one of those issues that took the road most comic riders avoid taking because it's not where all the flashing lights and shiney things are. This is because it focused mostly on the little things that the other X-books haven't bothered to touch on. After the attack by Bastion in Second coming, the city of San Francisco is in ruin and as gesture to show that they feel bad about bringing a psychotic mutant-killing robot to the city the X-men offered to help clean it up. They went into San Francisco and used their powers to help the rebuilding process. Along the way, some of the other little plots from Second Coming involving Hope and Hellion emerged. Hellion is still pissed about getting his hands blown off. Hope tries to help out on a simpler level by using a shovel rather than tapping the Phoenix Force. Somewhere along the way Karima Shapandar, who is basically a sentinel with boobs, goes haywire and tries to shoot Hope. It's not a massive explosion that shrivels your balls, but it's still something flashy enough to keep whiney comic fans from saying the issue was boring. The book ended with Karmia firing that fateful shot. X-men Legacy #243 picks up in the aftermath of that shot.


It starts off with Hellion, who in the last issue made a push for douche-bag of the year by bitching at Hope to use her messiah powers to give him his hands back. He's talking to Cyclops, giving him a run-down of everything that happened. His story (assuming he isn't trying to make up for being such a jerk earlier) shows him playing the messiah role for once because he ends up saving Jea-I mean Hope from the Omega Sentinel by using his telekinesis in a way that would make Stephen Hawkings stand up and run three New York City marathons to protest his outrage over the lack of respect for the laws of physics.

The Omega Sentinel is stunned and Julian tells the messiah to run away (not sure if that qualifies as an oxymoron but it should). Hope gets away safely and he vents all the inner douche he piled up in the previous issue on Karima, who seems to be going bipolar with one side acting as the Terminator (the first two and not the other shitty two) and the other begging like a catholic school girl caught with gay porn in her locker for her friends to get away. He tries to finish her off, but then Rogue and the rest of the X-men come in and stop him. This time they're the one playing the role of asshole. Apparently they didn't see Karima take a swipe at Hope earlier so they blame the guy who has been acting like an douche-bag since he lost his hands. It sounds so reasonable. Some readers may be conflicted as to who is the bigger asshole, Julian or the others.

Whoever is to blame, they're all in deep shit because Karima goes haywire again. This time she's not content with killing the messiah of the entire mutant race. This time she has to bring down another building, this after the X-men came to help rebuild. She's pretty much defeating the purpose and making it hell for the X-men's new PR department (see the last issue of Uncanny for proof that it's not a lame joke). That pretty much shows that Julian was right to be an asshole for once, regardless of how pissed he is at not having any hands.

Another mess is being made and this time it doesn't involve killer robots from the future. That may be an appeal or a drawback, depending on how you look at it. There's a brief flashback that shows Dr. Nemesis confirming Hellion's story to Cyclops, further showing he's not full of shit for once. It continues to help limit the douche-bag factor he built up in the last issue. His case is strengthened when he recounts how the Omega Sentinel pretty much bitch slapped all of the X-men's heavy hitters including Magneto, Colossus, and Psylocke.

Karima looks pretty calm and collected for someone who is kicking the ass of the X-men. Friends or not, that's nothing to scoff at. Few people can walk into a bar and say they beat up the X-men and lived to tell about it. It's the kind of story that could get you laid or at least a few free drinks. The Omega Sentinel has her way with quite a few top name X-men. She even manages to weaken Colossus with a quick lesson in chemistry. So the next time your chemistry teacher asks what happens when you heat metal up and then rapidly cool it, instead of taking the time to do your homework and study just refer them to this comic. It'll give them the answer and give you more time for more important things, like learning how to masterbate and cook hot pockets at the same time.

Now when someone as strong as Colossus gets schooled, that's usually a good time for your balls to plan a vacation to the deepest recesses of your stomach. It's odd how Karima is suddenly so ridiculously over-powered. At this point you start wondering why she wasn't able to play a bigger role in Second Coming. Someone who could take out the X-men like this would surely have made the fight against Bastion a bit easier. This is a flaw that does stand out. I get that Mike Carey is letting a lesser known character shine for a bit, but she's coming off as way too powerful. It seems excessive and is a bit demeaning to the stories she was present for, but didn't even impact. It's like having Joe Montana in his prime on the bench in a big football game and not knowing he was Joe Montana until after you were down four touchdowns. Mike Carey may be giving Karima the spotlight, but he's doing it with a flawed premise.


Regardless of how powerful she is, she ends up getting a quick lesson in her limitations by Hope. While the X-men are getting their asses handed to them, she gets one of the human girls she had been protecting to safety and hijacks a crane. Somewhere in that big war zone in the sky, Cable is wiping the tears from his face. She gets her away from Colossus and away from the others, but now she's the target again. She also must know that as the mutant messiah, she can't afford to be dead until she gets nailed to the appropriate cross.

Karima sets her sights on Hope again. Then Hellion once again comes back to play the role of anti-douche. He uses his telekinesis in ways that may mildly impress Emma Frost (the equivalent of making Simone Cowell kiss your shoes to property convey your greatness). He unloads on Karmia in the same way Ike Turner unloads on Tina. He uses the fact that machines took his hands from him and takes it out on this girl who continues to whine desperately like a hostage in a Bruce Willis movie. She begs him to end her. Usually this is where the heroes out of their sense of duty and morality refuse and try to find another way. Hellion essentially thumbs his nose and spits on that notion. He takes out Karima in an act of badass telekinesis that should push the eyeballs out of any unsecured sockets in those weak of heart or mind.

It's a powerful moment. Hellion doesn't completely redeem himself for his douche-bag moves earlier. The case can be made that he hurt his case at redemption. He didn't even hesitate to take Karima out. He didn't even say he was sorry before he did it. He's the anti-Bruce Willis while not quite being Steven Segal (before he found religion). When the rest of the X-men see what they did, they're horrified. But Julian is unrepentant. He know what he did and is perfectly okay with it. It's like they all saw him take a shit in a pizza and watch a bunch of innocent people eat it. Even for a teenage boy, it's pretty cold while still not being quite as evil as a 13-year-old bully in middle school. Even Magneto has trouble matching that kind of evil.

When Julian finishes telling his story to Cyclops, he sees that Karima is not fully dead. Although she probably wishes she was dead in her condition. Cyclops goes onto scold Hellion for going this far and not showing the slightest remorse for it. He says he crossed a line, but then Hellion turns it around on Cyclops and reminds him that he crossed this line too. Bear in mind Cyclops was the one that formed X-Force. Word got out during Second Coming that he was sending out kill squads. So him condemning Julian would be like George W. Bush giving a lecture on government transparency. It's a powerful moment, one that brings in the old end-justify-the-means debate. 

The ironic thing is that Hellion isn't wrong. The truth is actually on his side. Cyclops holds others accountable to deeds like Hellion's, but he doesn't hold himself accountable. He makes an exception for himself when it comes to X-Force because he's the leader. That's a pretty weak position on his part and one that shows an arrogant hypocrisy that may be overplayed a bit, but can't be overlooked. Many anti-Cyclops fans will come to love Hellion for his speech. He makes some compelling points about how Cyclops has carried himself. It does ignore some context, but it's still valid on some levels. It offers some hints that maybe Cyclops is losing his grip on what it means to be the leader of all mutant kind. It's by far the most promising debate Cyclops has had with anybody in years.

Hellion brushes off the probation that Cyclops gives him. He gets an extra round of scorn from Rogue as well, who is a lot more physical when telling him how wrong he is. She makes a much more compelling point than Cyclops ever did. She makes it clear that he crossed a line and he can't go back. She also makes it clear that if he crosses it again, she'll drain his ass until his lack of hands is his lesser handicap. It shows that Hellion has no support for what he did. His friends and leaders scold him, thus leaving it up to the readers to decide whether to support or condemn him. He's pretty much isolated himself now and he shows no regrets. He started this arc off as a douche-bag and he's still a douche-bag. But at least he's a douche-bag with some balls.

So for once, an arc isn't drawn out over one too many issues. This story in X-men Legacy is over in just two short issues and that's it. It's quality, not quantity and it doesn't require a fan to look up the entire history of the series on wikipedia to get a sense of what the hell is going on. It involves many characters, but focuses on just a handful in all the right ways. It's Mike Carey's classic style and once again he shows how he makes it work while making it awesome in the process.


It was a powerful issue, one that put Hellion in the spotlight along with Karmia. Karmia's predicament was largely overshadowed by Hellion and his confrontation with Cyclops, but these are two characters who haven't had a chance to really shine. Mike Carey made them as awesome as Wolverine for a few brief issues. There are still some issues with the premise. The idea that Karmia was really that powerful and that she could take out a good chunk of the X-men's heavy hitters seems flawed. As nice as the confrontation with Cyclops was, it feels like Hellion could have said more. He could have brought up his decisions with Cable, X-Force, and how he handled Hope. It still gets the message across, but without some of the details that would make it extra awesome.


Mike Carey fans will find plenty to like about this issue. Overall X-men fans will find plenty to like as well, but not without a few flaws. For that reason I can't give X-men Legacy #243 the perfect score I gave the last issue. This issue is still pretty damn awesome, but not the kind of awesome that warrants a perfect score. It's close though. I give this issue a 4.5 out of 5. I'd recommend it to any X-men fan looking for a quality X-book. Mike Carey knows how to get it done. He'll hit way more than he misses and he'll do it without being tacky like other X-men writers. That's enough to place him in the higher echelons of X-men caliber awesome for now and for the foreseeable future. Excelsior!

X-23 #2 - Selling Your Soul For Awesome

The whole Wolverine Goes To Hell arc that Marvel used to launch the new Wolverine series has been spanning many different titles the same way Pamela Anderson fucks many different genres of rock star. There's the 80s romp with Brett Michaels, who could count as Wolverine. There's the 90s scandalous sex tape with Tommy Lee, who could count as Marvel's new uber-douche Daken. There's also the 2000s and the less than exciting fling with Kid Rock. But is it fair to associated X-23 with a hard-living, heavy drinking, badass who can't resist using his God-given talent to live big? Actually, it's perfectly fair! Kid Rock is essentially Wolverine without the music and linking X-23 with this less egregious footnote in pop culture history is more than appropriate.

Now if nobody cares for Pamela Anderson references (I'm assuming the gay crowd doesn't approve), I'll try and be a bit less esoteric. Compared to the other Wolverine books, X-23 sets itself apart by not coming off as a slave to Wolverine's story. Yes, it's tied to the whole Wolverine Goes to Hell arc. But it doesn't feel that way. If you were unfortunate or unmedicated enough to read Daken's new series, you saw that this arc essentially dominated the plot. Daken was subordinate to Wolverine's story, which given his sexual fetishes might be perfectly in character. X-23, on the other hand, was subordinate to nobody and with her new series it didn't feel like some fluff piece meant to glorify Wolverine. It felt like a real story and X-23 was the star, not Wolverine. X-23 #2 continues that story while still tying into the Demon Wolverine story. Going back to Pamela Anderson, it's still unclear if this will be another fling or if this is something that's going to produce a new boner-inducing spread of awesome (that was another reference to sex tapes by the way).

The issue starts off in the past, setting aside the Wolverine Goes to Hell arc for something simpler. Simple in this case means Wolverine and Laura spending time together at a carnival. Quality time for them means shooting stuffed bears in the head with a bebe gun. It's not what you think. It's a carnival game. Granted, it's a fucked up carnival game, but that's about as normal as characters like these two can manage.

This makes for an important and long overdue scene. Wolverine and Laura finally talk about them being family. Now X-23 has been in the comics since 2005 when Chris Claremont was still writing Uncanny. In all that time X-23 has had her story told and she's been part of the X-men. At no point has Logan or Laura sat down and talked about what the hell they are. Is she his daughter? Is she his sister? Or just a clone? This is like that giant pink elephant in the middle of a room ass fucking a giant pink donkey yet somehow no one notices. Fucking fanfiction writers have been addressing this for years now. And they're just getting to it?! I know better late than never is a fond saying, but late still sucks ass. It helps that Marjorie Liu does a damn good job, finally having Logan talk about how he wants to adopt Laura as his daughter. It still seems like this should have happened sooner though.

As touching as this moment is, we get a much nastier moment once the scene fast forwards to the present time. In the previous issue Cyclops sent Laura into the city of San Francisco to work at a shelter for former mutants. It seemed like a good way to connect to other people her age and be more of a kid. Then it went to hell...literally.

It's part of the visions Laura has been having since the first issue. The whole being bred to kill sort of fucks you up and now trying to get away from it doesn't exactly come naturally. Now it's not entirely clear what happens here. This demon drones on about how she's about to be reborn and how she's the perfect killer. It's a bit more vivid than the dreams she had before. However, this time when she wakes up she finds out the shelter sort of burst into flames and everyone around her is suffering. That makes for a rude awakening if ever there was one.

This incident of a homeless shelter burning down makes for a great fluff piece that the local news can run to get ratings, but it doesn't do Laura much good. Despite being able to heal from being dumped into a river of molten lead, she goes to the hospital. Redundant that may be, she's still pretty fucked up and gets some treatment. Storm also pays a visit, who is doing more in this series to be the weather goddess we all know and love than any other (it also helps they don't mention a douche-bag named Black Panther). She's always quick to reach disturbed teenagers in just the right way, sort of like Dr. Phil only hot and with boobs. However, Laura's still having fucked up visions. Even when Cyclops arrives, she's in her own little slice of hell that is sort of appropriate given the context of this story.

Then Wolverine shows up, which is kind of confusing because isn't he supposed to be in Hell? Does this take place in any discernible time-line that goes along with the other two Wolverine titles? Did someone take too much LSD when planning this shit out? Well it's not quite that confusing. It only starts out that way, sort of like the first half-hour of Inception. There's already a strange vibe that this Wolverine is not a normal Wolverine. For one, he doesn't call Cyclops a prick. That should be a red flag.

It only gets worse. Wolverine talks to her the same way a pedophile talks to kids once he gets them in a windowless van. It almost gets too disturbing to read, although I'm sure NAMBLA members would be jerking off to it at one point. Then Wolverine shows his true forms. This isn't the normal Logan. This is the demon Wolverine who has been spreading chaos in the books the same way Courtney Love spreads VD. He taunts Laura about being a killer. She lashes out, but that is about as effective as donating money to a North Korean charity.

Then Hellion shows up, who has been X-23's on-again/off-again teen crush. Demon Wolverine plays this one in a very slick way. He makes it seem as though Laura has gone berserk again. Hellion being the naive young douche-bag he is believes the guy and uses his telekinesis to restrain her. This turns out sucking for him because Demon Wolverine does what demons do best, which is fuck people over and he stabs Hellion right in front of Laura.

This leads to Laura making a fateful choice. She can either let Hellion die or offer her soul to the demon Wolverine to ensure he survives. Now normally when a teenager is faced with difficult decisions like that, they'll gladly exchange their first love for a shitty car or a fake ID. Laura outdoes over half of the teenage population and goes with her teenage hormones, selling her soul to bring Julian back to life. It means she'll end up being a Demon X-23. I think it goes without saying that when you put a demon in the weapon of mass destruction that is a teenage girl's body, you're essentially making yourself prone to no fewer than five unilateral invasions by the United States.

So now Laura's dreams turn into shit that's real. She's literally in Hell now and this time that's not a metaphor for algebra class in high school. Her body is still in the real world, but her soul is in Hell and like Wolverine she has to fight back. It sets the stage for X-23 to go on her own road to hell and in this case hell really doth have no fury like that of a pissed off teenage girl. While Wolverine may be shit out of luck in his book, X-23 has raging hormones on her side. In that sense Hell and every demon within it is officially screwed.

The stage is set! It's X-23 vs. Hell now and the potential for a demon X-23 running around in the real world opens the door to all sorts of possibilities. While a demonic teenage girl may not be easy to discern from your typical hormonal beast, it should still make for some bloody and hellish action. Marjorie Liu once again shows that she has a great grasp of X-23's character. The family moment at the beginning only made the bloody hellish scenes at the end more profound. It may only be the second issue, but it feels like this is a series that has been unfolding for much longer. I don't know if that's because of that crack I smoked earlier or if the story is just that awesome, but I'll take it!

Now this issue isn't perfect. The content is top notch, but the organization is a little spotty. It's not entirely clear where the first scene in the past takes place. It's only labeled as "Then" by the book. Is it before Second Coming? Before Wolverine #1? Before Uncanny X-Force? That's not clear. It's also not clear what happened at the homeless shelter that caused so much damage. It implied Laura was the cause, but it also implied that there was some gas leak. But seriously, when is a gas leak ever the cause of anything in a comic book? That's like an episode of House ending in a diagnosis of Lupus or Transverse Mialitus. It's never Lupus or Transverse Mialitus.

Confusion aside, the quality of the book is undeniable. Marjorie Liu is setting herself up nicely as the X-23 writer and is well on her way to defining her character for generations to come. There's a lot to love about this series so far. You don't have to be reading the other Wolverine titles to enjoy it. You just have to have an appreciation for messed up teenage girls and stories involving demons. That's why I give X-23 #2 a 4.5 out of 5. This is an awesome book with an awesome character and an awesome writer. It's awesome all around! There is no excuse not to find some awesome in this book. Nuff said!