Hunting Party: Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1

The following is my review of Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

In the same way there are some characters whose death will always stick to a significant degree, there are others for whom resurrection is pretty much assumed before the funeral even concludes. In the same way Uncle Ben's death has to stick for Spider-Man, the death of Wolverine can't possibly stick for the X-men. No matter how his death occurs, be it callous, tragic, or heartfelt, he's still one of the X-men's most popular characters. Him remaining dead is about as likely as Marvel and Disney growing tired of money.

While Charles Soule did a commendable job making Wolverine's death feel meaningful in Death of Wolverine, the X-men comics never try to function without him for too long, as evidenced by the continued presence of fill-in characters like Old Man Logan and Jimmy Hudson. The X-men need Wolverine just as much as Captain America needs his shield. He doesn't have the luxury of staying dead for over a decade like Jean Grey. At a time when time travelers and alternate reality versions of other characters are running around, the time for Wolverine's inevitable return has never been better.

To that end, it's only fitting that Soule set the stage for Wolverine's full return in the Hunt For Wolverine #1. However, that only acts as the start of a much larger story. Jim Zub and Thony Silas are set to build on that story with Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1. It's not enough to just get Wolverine out of his grave so his healing factor can do the rest. Given his colorful history, involving ninjas, clones, cyborgs, and living weapons, there's plenty of resources to work with.

Zub and Silas are targeted with those resources, specifically those involving Wolverine's time in Madripoor as bartender/operative/eye-patch enthusiast, Patch. It's a part of Wolverine's history that isn't as prominent as those involving adamantium bonding or blood feuds with Sabretooth, but it still reflects some important insights about the man and not just the claws. When he's not a raging, snarling death dealer, he's a man who has lived a more colorful life than most.

In that sense, it's somewhat fitting that those hoping to track him down after learning of his return are X-men with which he's had a close personal connection. The fact that those X-men all happen to be prominent female characters as well is a nice bonus and also revealing, in and of itself. It shows that when Wolverine isn't lusting after married women or on the wrong end of a love triangle, he's capable of forging close personal connections.

Kitty Pryde, Storm, Rogue, Psylocke, Domino, and Jubilee are among the most prominent personal connections that Wolverine has forged over the years. They are a dream team of sorts, one uniquely talented and motivated to find their friend and learn what happened to him. These are some of the most resourceful, resilient, and loyal friends that Logan has ever had. The fact he only ever got romantically involved with one of them, namely Storm, says a lot about his character.

This is a team that's capable of tearing Madripoor apart, digging deep into Wolverine's past to find out where he is. However, they don't get many opportunities to do so and not just because Magneto is currently a prominent presence in Madripoor, as has been documented in X-men Blue. They're still on the runway of the airport when they encounter who they think is Magneto and from there, this team of prominent female X-men are basically stuck reacting to everything from that point forward.

That makes the sequence of events in Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1 somewhat predictable. Whenever the X-men, or any superhero team for that matter, are stuck reacting to a situation, it tends to limit the impact of the story. Whether it's ninjas attacking, killer robots attacking, or Hydra agents suddenly entering the picture, it follows a similar script. The team walks into a trap, the fighting begins, and the situation becomes inherently more dire.

That narrative in Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1 follows that script fairly closely, but that's not to say there aren't dramatic elements that add a little complexity to the mix. Before that situation devolves, though, there are some quiet moments among Wolverine's closest friends. Storm, Kitty Pryde, Rogue, and Psylocke all have an opportunity to remember and reflect why Wolverine matters so much to them.

Granted, he can be a violent, cynical, beer-loving brute, but he can also be insightful and sincere. Those reflections help establish why these characters care so much about Wolverine in the first place and why they're willing to risk a messy trip to Madripoor to help him. That helps make Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1 feel less like a generic rescue mission and more like a team of loyal friends seeking to help someone they really care about. Superheroes rescue people all the time. This is personal and that's an important theme throughout Hunt For Wolverine, as a whole.

Those quiet moments among the all-female cast make for some engaging insights that establish the emotional stakes. However, it doesn't end up having much impact when the chaotic violence erupts, as is often expected in any story relating to both Wolverine and Madripoor. While the source of that chaotic violence also has a personal connection with Wolverine, there's not much insight into the how or why they get involved. Even though Wolverine has a list of enemies that'll always be longer than his list of friends, those enemies usually don't just attack for the fun of it.

It still moves the plot forward and puts the cast of female X-men into a difficult spot. It's not yet clear whether that spot will have any bearing on events unfolding in related Hunt For Wolverine titles, but the personal connections to Wolverine are still there and are on full display, at least for those trying to find him. Those connections just don't do much to complement the chaos that they inevitably encounter along the way. They just walk into a trap, get caught by surprise, and try to manage from there.

There's still plenty of room for more insights that further reveal the reach of Wolverine's impact. For such a prominent character with such prominent friends, there's more potential than most with respect to connections and conflict, especially in a place like Madripoor. Hunt For Wolverine: Mystery In Madripoor #1 does plenty to give Wolverine's closest female allies a chance to show their strength while helping a friend. For someone who claims to be the best there is at what he does, though, there's still room for improvement.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Life After Logan #1

The recent (temporary) death of Wolverine has raised some very somber and very important questions. Chief among them is how exactly will the Marvel Universe function without it’s favorite hard-drinking, stab-happy Canadian with a thing for redheads, whiskey, and African goddesses? It’s a question many thought they would never have to answer, especially since a sizable chunk of Marvel’s sex appeal comes from Hugh Jackman’s ability to make Wolverine sexy in the movies. But now, in wake of Death of Wolverine, that difficult question has to be answered. It has been explored in other comics to some extent. But no comic to date has taken a big picture view on how the Marvel Universe will work with a dead Wolverine. That’s exactly what Life After Logan #1 is supposed to explore. The problem is, there is a precedent for it and it’s pretty shitty. Wolverine has been killed off in other major AUs, namely X-men Forever and Ultimate. In both cases, it failed miserably. X-men Forever got canceled and the less said about Ultimate, the better. Could the third attempt be the charm? If not, then we can probably already start the countdown to Wolverine’s inevitable resurrection.

That being said, I think it’s safe to assume that Cyclops is the one counting down the slowest. He is the first character whose reaction is explored in wake of Wolverine’s death. On the surface, that sounds a little off because it’s akin to exploring the reactions of Eagles fans after the Cowboys lose. Of the many, many people Wolverine has pissed off in his life, few have been more victimized by his assholery than Cyclops. And unlike Sabretooth, it’s hardly deserved. But it’s for that reason why his reaction is worth exploring.

Cyclops narrates his reaction through some intimate, insightful thoughts about Wolverine. He doesn’t skip straight to the part where he mourns a fallen X-man. He acknowledges that Wolverine was a massive douche who cared more about beer than he ever did about keeping the X-men together. All those responsibilities fell on Cyclops’ shoulders and Wolverine respected those responsibilities by trying to bang his wife. Cyclops made himself the responsible one and his reward for that was being labeled a dork while the hard-drinking, womanizing, movie-ruining asshole got to be cool. Yet still, Wolverine’s death affected him.

After acknowledging what a dick Wolverine was, Cyclops starts to reflect on the ways Wolverine was actually a friend. This leads to a string of nice flashbacks to some of the most important moments in X-men history, such as the aftermath of Jean Grey’s first (but certainly not her last) death. It reveals a nice moment where Wolverine actually tries to encourage Cyclops to keep being that responsible guy that nobody likes but everyone respects. It’s a moment that shows as big a dick as Wolverine could be, he was still a friend.

This played out in less tragic flashbacks as well, such as when Wolverine had the adamantium ripped out of his body. It led to another nice moment between these two where they reflect on how tough it is to keep fighting, but they do it anyways and not just because it means encountering more pretty redheads. Cyclops acknowledges in these moments that Wolverine had his vulnerabilities and he had a sense of humanity, once he got beyond the attitude, the drinking, and the womanizing. Wolverine’s still a dick, but he’s a respectable dick in the tradition of Dr. House.

These flashbacks and these moments that Cyclops shared with Wolverine all lead to an important realization that really makes his reaction feel genuine. In addition to acknowledging Wolverine’s faults and strengths, Cyclops acknowledges how badly he has fucked up, going all the way back to Jean’s second death. Granted, he’s not wholly responsible for what happened in Schism or Avengers vs. X-men, but he accepts responsibility as he always has. And as Wolverine taught him, he doesn’t have the luxury of quitting. He’ll keep fighting like Wolverine did, minus the heavy drinking. He may try to do a little womanizing along the way. Redheads, blonds, and psychics just can’t resist him. But I think Wolverine wouldn’t have it any other way.

It makes for a beautiful, deeply personal moment for Cyclops. It couldn’t be more fitting unless beer was involved. And remarkably, Cyclops decides that Wolverine deserves the extra effort in his death. So after he reflects on all the ways Wolverine has influenced his life, he decides to honor in the most appropriate way possible. He goes out to a biker bar, beats the shit out of some thugs, and gets himself a nice cold beer.

Now I think it’s safe to say that Cyclops has made an appropriate tribute to Wolverine. He reflected on all the ways they hated and respected one another. He remembered all the hard lessons he learned from him. And he found a way to incorporate beer and bar fights. He couldn’t have honored his fallen friend/rival any better. I have to say this sort of thing makes a drunk weep.

The next two characters whose reactions are explored involve a lot less tears and that’s not a bad thing. Nobody likes getting emotional without tequila being involved. Unlike Cyclops, Wolverine had a much more typical friendship with Colossus and Nightcrawler. These were the kinds of friends he would go out drinking with, laughing and carrying on with stories about killer robots, evil mutants, and Asian hookers. That means they’re going to be a lot less conflicted when it comes to dealing with Wolverine’s death. That also means they’re willing to go the extra distance to pay tribute to him.

This leads them to Japan where they hope to carry out one of Wolverine’s most important traditions one last time. And no, it didn’t involve making his way through every massage parlor in a weekend. It involves paying a visit to Mariko Yashida’s grave, which Wolverine did every year. Now that he’s dead, it’s up to Colossus and Nightcrawler to pay one last visit on Wolverine’s behalf. But it isn’t that easy. It can never be that easy with Wolverine, unless beer is involved. As it just so happens, Mariko’s grave is guarded by a bunch of ninjas. And Wolverine tore through ninjas the same way he tore through six-packs. So naturally, Colossus and Nightcrawler will have to go through them to pay tribute to their friend. It’s probably not as much fun as Cyclops enjoying a good bar fight, but it’s right up there.

It actually doesn’t get too hostile at first. The ninjas actually do let them in to see the grave. Sure, they also completely surround them like pack of wolves at a bacon factory, but that only saves Colossus and Nightcrawler the trouble of weeding them out. They do the first part of what they came to do. They take the sword Mariko gave Wolverine and stick it in her grave. Now I’m not all that versed in the kinds of Japanese culture not depicted in anime porn, but I’m pretty sure that’s one of those gestures that could be easily misconstrued as an insult. To Colossus and Nightcrawler, sticking the sword in the grave was a way for Wolverine to connect with Mariko one last time. For the ninjas, they might as well have let a pack of dogs take a shit on it.

This allows Colossus and Nightcrawler to do the second part of what they came to do. Wolverine has now been honored and can rest in peace with Mariko. Now they can get to the part where they beat up ninjas. Unlike Cyclops, they don’t find a way to incorporate beer into this tribute, but that doesn’t make it any less fitting. They take to battling ninjas with the same delight that Wolverine did. Despite being surrounded and out in the open, Colossus and Nightcrawler hold their own in a nicely detailed fight that has all the organized delight of a Rihanna music video. It doesn’t bring a tear to my eye, but it still makes for some nice moments that I’m sure Wolverine himself would appreciate.

So Wolverine has been honored with beer, gestures at the grave of Markio, and beating up ninjas. What more could be done to honor his memory without mixing his ashes with whiskey? Well, not every reaction explored here is a tribute. There’s still room for characters just learning to cope with Wolverine’s death. One of those characters is Armor, one of the many cute teenage girls that Wolverine connected with over the years in completely non-pervy way. Sure, some still thought he should be made a sex offender for hanging around so many cute teenage girls, but he left a good impression on them all and Armor was no exception.

Being a teenage girl, coping is not one of those skills that she’s going to be inherently good at. She can’t be responsible like Cyclops, Colossus, and Nightcrawler. She has to be a little more pissed off, which means creating a Danger Room scenario where she can beat the shit out of all Wolverine’s enemies. I admit if I had a Danger Room, I would probably do the same when I’m pissed off, except I would beat the shit out of all my old high school teachers. I’m not going to say it’s healthy. I’m not even going to say it’s fitting. But in the spirit of exploring how Armor is reacting to the death of someone she cared about, I’d say it’s appropriate. And besides, we already saw beer and ninjas used to honor Wolverine. Why not complete the cycle by beating the shit out of his enemies?

Even though these enemies are just simulations, they’re still Wolverine’s enemies. That means Armor is going to be overmatched. A pissed off teenage girl is powerful, but Wolverine’s enemies are just slightly beyond their ability to overwhelm everything in their path. This leads to Hellion showing up to shut down the program before she was left with a Wolverine-level hangover.

In the process, he reveals that the beer Armor was holding wasn’t part of the hologram. She actually stole that from Wolverine’s stash. If he were still alive, that would be considered an effective method of suicide. But in his absence, it’s a tribute of sorts and part of how Armor is trying to cope. Again, it’s not rational and it’s definitely going to piss off One Million Moms for promoting underage drinking, but for a teenage girl, it still works. It can’t be more harmful than some of the other medications teenagers take these days.

This leads to an emotional moment with Armor and by that I mean she ends up punching Hellion in the face. To be fair, he was asking for it when he made a joke about Wolverine’s fondness for teenage girls. It wasn’t a wholly inaccurate joke, but he was still asking for it. They both get a little pissed off. They’re teenagers. They’re prone to overreacting in fucked up ways. But it still brings out all the right emotions. Armor talks about how she sensed it when Wolverine died and how his essence is part of her powers now. It’s not clear how accurate that is. It might just be typical teenage melodrama. It still helps Armor’s tears feel genuine and, to his credit, Hellion isn’t a total ass about it.

In the end, the two teens console each other. Sure, Hellion turns it into an opportunity to get into Armor’s panties. He’s a teenage boy. It would be a much bigger cause for concern if he didn’t try something like that in this situation. Armor politely rejects him and while it sucks for Hellion’s penis, it helps them come to an understanding. It also prevents Armor from drinking the beer and taking her first step towards Wolverine-level alcoholism. Some might be disappointed, but it’s hardly surprising. Marvel won’t even let characters smoke anymore. There’s no way they would let an underage girl drink. Even they’re not that eager to piss off One Million Moms.

Even if Wolverine will inevitably return, if only to appease the women and gay men who want to sleep with Hugh Jackman, this issue conveyed all the right emotions from a diverse set of characters. It succeeds in giving everybody that warm and fuzzy feeling inside that’s usually matched only by a good bottle of whiskey. Everything felt genuine. The thoughts and emotions displayed by these characters was appropriate and fitting. I imagine when Wolverine comes back, he’ll gladly buy all of them a bear, even Armor. They’ve earned it.
At times, the story was somewhat limited. Anybody who doesn’t like stories built around a narrow set of emotions won’t be missing much by skipping this and renting a Transformer movie. This issue isn’t really presented as a critical component to the Death of Wolverine saga. It’s more a bonus feature or an epilogue. It really doesn’t try to be much more than that. While it may lack ambition, it still works as well as can be expected for any story that involves a bar fight and ninjas. I give Life After Logan #1 an 8 out of 10. It’s still not clear how long the Marvel Universe can last without Wolverine. There’s only so much legacy and replacement characters like X-23 and Daken can do. For now, they’re doing enough to stave off a heroin-level Wolverine withdrawal. Anyone could start vomiting violently at any moment, but for now I think the aftermath Wolverine (temporary) death warrants a salute and a cold beer. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Wolverine and the X-men #11

Mourning the loss of a loved one is like the antithesis of masturbation in that there’s no wrong way to do it and nobody really enjoys it. I imagine it doesn’t suck quite as much in the Marvel universe because death is such a revolving door that for some characters, their loved ones might as well treat it as one of Brett Favre’s temporary retirements. Some may argue this limits the emotional impact of death. I think it’s refreshing because death sucks enough in real life. We don’t need it to suck as much in comics. That doesn’t mean it still won’t suck for Wolverine’s loved ones. His death has just started to reverberate throughout the X-men comics like letter from the IRS at Willie Nelson’s house.

Wolverine and the X-men #11 continues to follow Melita Gardner, one of Wolverine’s ex-girlfriends that didn’t wind up dead somehow, as she compiles stories and pictures for a book she’s writing to celebrate Wolverine’s life and the fact she got to bone him without dying. She’s already interacted with the students and staff of the school he helped found and they’ve recounted some fun stories, many of which ignore certain unflattering details like Wolverine’s whiskey stash, his temper, and his tendency for hitting on married women out of respect. Hopefully that means they don’t forget those shortcomings when he eventually returns, most likely in time for his next shitty solo movie at Fox. And hopefully, Melita doesn’t let that stop her from doing her job. That would make her more dedicated than half the people at CNN.

Much of Melita’s story and the work she’s been doing on this book has been built on flashbacks. Lots and lots of flashbacks. While flashbacks are usually a good way to make a comic difficult to read while stoned, the nature of the story here makes it work. Melita has triggered many in interviewing the folks at the Jean Grey Institute. But there’s still room for her own flashbacks. It’s hard to believe, but she did actually date Wolverine for a while and she actually survived. I know I said that already, but I think it’s worth repeating. Melita dated Wolverine, survived, and didn’t swear revenge on him. That makes her one of the most mature relationships he’s had in recent years. It also makes a flashback of her and Wolverine when they were together feel fitting. It even shows that in terms of ex-girlfriends, she’s a freakin’ unicorn in terms of ending things on good terms.

In the present, Melita is still seeking out stories about Wolverine from those who knew him best. She spent all of last issue exploring the Jean Grey institute. Now she seeks out others he worked with. In the same way Wolverine gets around every bar and Japanese whore house, he’s also had quite a few crossovers. Spider-Man is by far one of the characters he’s worked with the most and Melita makes it a point to get in touch with him (through Peter Parker, of course). While Wolverine’s reputation among the X-men is solid, his reputation with Spider-Man is slightly more complicated and not just because they’re both so fond of sexy redheads.

But the meeting doesn’t just lead to another flashback. It actually gets even more emotional than Melita’s flashback. It’s easy to forget in this era when we know celebrities die every time they start trending on Twitter that word doesn’t always travel as fast. The news of Wolverine’s death hasn’t exactly leaked out. It’s not like a reporter found him lying dead in a tub of whiskey. So that means those not in the X-men, like Spider-Man, wouldn’t know about his death. And when Melita reveals it, this makes for another emotional moment that hits all the right chords.

But it doesn’t get too depressing. This is where can do more than just confuse the hell out of stoners and drunks. Spider-Man recounts to Melita one of his many crossovers with Wolverine, but he singled out a battle against an army of Doombots as the story most worth telling. I can’t say I blame him. Any memory that involves busting up Doombots with Wolverine is a memory worth cherishing. But it’s a memory that does more than just mix in some action. It actually involves a meaningful conversation between Spider-Man and Wolverine about the merits of him starting the Jean Grey Institute and what kind of example a hard-drinking, temperamental Canadian would set. It’s not just fitting. It’s downright relevant and shows that even when he’s in the middle of fighting armies of Doombots, Wolverine can inspire more than just violence and redhead fetishes.

It’s a good flashback during an emotional moment. That’s exactly why it’s somewhat jarring when it skips right ahead to Melita and Spider-Man confronting Kid Omega. I won’t say that’s completely random. Kid Omega is someone who was heavily influenced by Wolverine and not always in a good way. In fact, they both influenced one another in way too many bad ways, but it was part of what made them both better as characters so I’m not going to get too picky about the details. I’m too drunk for that.

Regardless of what those details might be, Kid Omega is still an omega-level prick. While others are reacting to the death of Wolverine, Kid Omega threw a big ass party. And even after everybody passed out, he decided to deal with it by sitting on his ass and watching movies. Laziness is a good reaction to many things. The death of a friend isn’t one of them.

Needless to say, Meltia and Spider-Man don’t take kindly to him. At the same time, Kid Omega does offer a very different take on Wolverine. Whereas others share fond memories and relevant flashbacks, Kid Omega offers none of that shit. He basically spits on Wolverine’s fresh corpse, saying he was just a killer at heart who pretended to be a school headmaster. And that school he ran might as well have been a training ground for kids destined to scare the shit out of ordinary people. It leads to Melita and Spider-Man each taking turns shutting him up, but that doesn’t make what he says less relevant.

Kid Omega is a dick so what he says about Wolverine shouldn’t be taken with the same credibility as Bill Maher’s last drug test. But what he says is somewhat valid. Wolverine was, at his core, a killer. He always reverted to his killer instincts in some form or another. Even when he tried being a peaceful headmaster, he still went out on missions that involved him stabbing people. It is a disconnect, but Spider-Man rightly points out how full of shit Kid Omega is in using it as the sole basis for judging Wolverine. Part of what made Wolverine such a hero was that he fought so others wouldn’t have to. That makes him awesome in ways that most asshole teenagers can never understand.

So meeting with Kid Omega didn’t lead to a flashback or give Melita a balanced perspective for her book, but it did offer some insight. She and Spider-Man leave in what I imagine to be a pretty pissed off state of mind. They end up parting ways, agreeing that Kid Omega is full of shit and deserves more than a few spankings. But that only makes getting a better perspective more important.

And who better to give that perspective than Storm? It’s a moment that has been building since the previous issue, two of Wolverine’s ex-lovers meeting and recounting the life of a man they one loved. This isn’t like Jerry Springer when two angry ex-girlfriends to at one another in a way college students can cheer for and/or jerk off to. These two women both loved Wolverine dearly and Storm happened to be the one Wolverine was actively dating when he died. It sounds crazier than anything Kid Omega could say, but it is possible for two women who dated the same man to bond and Storm gives her the best possible perspective Wolverine could hope for that doesn’t involve a bartender.

It leads to another flashback. This one is a lot less complicated than the one Spider-Man recounted. It’s as basic a recollection as anyone can have with Wolverine. Storm goes on a trip to Japan with Wolverine, they get attacked by ninjas, and they kick the asses of said ninjas. It’s practically a dinner date for Wolverine and the women he loves. Hell, it might even count as foreplay. It doesn’t come off as overly romantic, but it shows that Wolverine and Storm could kick a lot of ass together. They could battle an army of ninjas, still catch a movie, and then make sweet love on top of Mount Fuji. It’s as romantic and as awesome as it sounds. It is also by far the most meaningful flashback in this whole arc.

Beyond the flashback, Storm makes a very powerful point that effectively tells Melita all she needs to know about Wolverine. This is a man who will fight, stab, and swear his way through any battle. But he’s also willing to trust others to be just as awesome. He trusted Storm to hold her own against an army of ninjas, just as he trusted her give horny every time they were behind closed doors. It’s a special kind of trust that most killers and stab-happy drunks don’t give, but he gave it to those he cared about. It’s a powerful message and one that could only be delivered by Storm. It gives Melita just the right perspective she needs to make her book work. As the woman whose love for Wolverine was probably the most genuine, it makes for such a satisfying moment.

Leave it Kid Omega to cheapen that moment. Melita and Spider-Man must have made a couple of brain cells semi-functional because Kid Omega finally decided to deal with Wolverine’s death in a somewhat less-douchy way. For him, that means traveling to the Savage Land and leaving a monument for him. Sure, it’s a shitty monument. A rocking chair is hardly a monument to Wolverine. If he really gave a damn, he would leave a giant case of whiskey. But still, it’s better than nothing and probably the most Wolverine could’ve expected from Kid Omega.

The main theme of this story isn’t built around funerals, vengeance, or killer robots. For once, the death of a major character is explored in a way that feels genuine. The X-men aren’t setting out on some mission to turn Sabretooth into a rug. They’re just recounting how he affected their lives and Melita Gardner provides a perfect perspective for that mission. Some of the stories she explores are cheesy, but they all hit the right emotional chords. Even Kid Omega’s brief sliver of emotion felt genuine. That alone gives this story the depth it needs to be awesome. It’s still lacking in some areas and the constant flashbacks are somewhat jarring. But it feels like a much healthier way to deal with the death of a character. That’s why I give Wolverine and the X-men #11 an 8 out of 10. In a comic book world where every great loss seems to require more therapy than anyone could reasonably provide, this is probably as healthy and competent a recourse as we’ll get. And it didn’t even require Oprah or Dr. Phil. Nuff said!

Pride and Mourning: Death of Wolverine: The Logan Legacy #2

The following is my review of Death of Wolverine: The Logan Legacy #2, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Teenagers aren’t known for reacting rationally to tragedy. In fact, they’re not known for reacting rationally to much of anything. It’s almost expected that teenagers aren’t emotionally equipped to deal with major loss. Their brains are like an old computer trying to upgrade from Windows 98 to Windows 8. It’s a messy, glitchy transition to say the least. That’s why few are surprised when a teenager loses a loved one and they deal with it by shaving their head and joining a death metal band. It’s sometimes easy to forget that many adults don’t react much better, but at least teenagers have an excuse. However, a select few choose not to exercise that excuse.

Since her debut in X-men Evolution, X-23 has had plenty of excuses to be a volatile, irrational, unstable teenage girl. In many ways she is a perfect storm of teenage angst. She’s a clone of Wolverine, which by default gives her a temper and an attitude. She was conditioned (and at times tortured) to becoming a killer, just like Wolverine. And even after she escaped all this horror, she still has to deal with the rigors of being a teenage girl. As messed up as Wolverine was, he never had deal with the raging hormones, teen angst, and melodrama unique to teenage girls.

X-23 has essentially had the opposite of a head start in life and that life has already had its share of tragedy. Being tricked into killing her own mother certainly qualifies as such. Now she has to deal with the death of Wolverine, who was very much like a father to her. So this means X-23 is exceedingly handicapped in dealing with tragedy, but that’s exactly what she has to deal with in Death of Wolverine: The Logan Legacy #2.

In wake of Wolverine’s death, a number of his allies and enemies (mostly enemies) have been captured by masked figure looking to finish what Dr. Abraham Cornelius started, minus the stab wounds. In doing so the story takes a step back from what began, turning this whole issue into one big flashback that never actually continues that story. It’s not organized or concise in terms of the big picture, but it succeeds in focusing on the story surrounding X-23 and her having to cope with the death of Wolverine.

She’s not going to surprise anybody by demonstrating her poor coping skills and not just because those skills involve letting herself get stabbed in the Danger Room. Her teammates in at the New Xavier School and her teacher, Kitty Pryde, try to reach out to her. However, she doesn’t have that big emotional moment that’s so prevalent in every episode of Intervention. X-23’s teammates can’t draw on the benefit of the whole affair being staged. They can only get frustrated when X-23 claims to feel nothing. This sounds like the kind of double-speak that every teenager masters at some point during high school, usually before mid-terms. But with X-23, it actually comes off as genuine.

Being emotionally numb is a big part of what X-23 went through. It’s part of what makes her more than just a Wolverine rip-off character and gives her a unique persona. She was conditioned to not feel any emotions as a means of making her a more effective killer. Throughout her story, she’s been emotionally flat most of the time whereas Wolverine’s emotions fluctuates between being angry and needing a beer. She dealt with her mother dying. Now she has to deal with Wolverine dying and it makes sense that her first reaction would be the one she was trained to feel.

However, this doesn’t prevent later emotions from being more in line with that of a teenage girl. She claims to feel nothing, but she feels annoyed to the point where she ditches her team for a while and hangs out at the kind of seedy nightclub where teenage girls often go to end up on a Nightline Special. Throwing herself into party full of distractions is not a reaction that she needs to be conditioned for. It’s another reaction that feels genuine, if not somewhat predictable.

These emotions lead her into the crossfire of a conflict that has nothing to do with Wolverine or the ongoing story with his former frenemies. It’s a conflict ripped from a side-mission in a Grand Theft Auto game in that she teams up with a hero named Windshear to take down a gang that calls themselves “Happy Clams.” It sounds like a bad seafood restaurant, but it’s actually a gang run by on obese female version of the Kingpin who likes to exploit angst-riddled teens to do her criminal dirty work. It sounds like one of those ventures that the mob has been running since the 50s, but it leads to a powerful moment that gives X-23 a more productive emotional reaction.

It’s not just that she’s dealing with someone who is exploiting teenagers just like her. Windshear, who reveals he is dying, talks about leaving behind a legacy. Like Wolverine, he did questionable things in his past. But he wants to do more than just make up for them. He wants to do something that’ll actually make his upcoming death feel meaningful.

This is something Wolverine, and X-23 by default, never had to worry about until recently. It’s one of those deeper perspectives that most teenagers don’t allow themselves to see until years of therapy and an overuse of prescription drugs. While we don’t get to the details of how X-23 helps Windshear take down the Happy Clams without laughing at their name, we’re given enough hints to assume that they took care of business in ways that would make Wolverine proud.

In the end, it’s really not necessary to see X-23 fight people like the Happy Clam. The insight Windshear gave her, as wordy as it might have been, did more for her than any overpaid therapist could. It allows X-23 to return to the New Xavier School and actually admit she feels sadness at losing Wolverine. But she also feels pride for what he did to leave behind a legacy. Now she’s part of that legacy. It still doesn’t contribute to the story surrounding Wolverine’s old rogues, but it does tell a compelling story about a teenage girl with inherently poor coping skills finding a way to cope in as healthy way as she can. That alone is more uncanny than any mutant power.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Nightcrawler #7

When the aftermath of a major story begins before the major story even ends, it’s the comic book equivalent of premature ejaculation. It’s awkward, unpleasant, and sometimes leaves stains that are difficult to explain to a dry cleaner. But it’s also one of those things that’s best to just overlook to spare ourselves the shame and indignity. Marvel already announced months ago that Wolverine is going to die. It’s a spoiler beyond a spoiler in that they didn’t even try to hide it. Marvel understands that in the era where no secret or nude picture is safe from the internet, it’s pointless to try. The problem is that the ongoing Death of Wolverine event got delayed and it’s now getting to the point of blue balls because some comics are already set to deal with the aftermath. I don’t want to speculate the kind of semen stains this could end up leaving, but I’m content to assume it’s nothing a little stain remover can’t fix.

There are a lot of characters who will be affected by Wolverine’s death. The man had a lot of friends and more than a few fuck buddies. But if ever Wolverine was going to have a wing man at a club, it would be Nightcrawler. He is to Wolverine what spay tan is to Snookie in that they’ve always been close and they’ve always sought solace in one another. Now in Nightcrawler #7, the impact of Wolverine’s death hits him hard and this guy who only recently came back from the dead has to find a way to deal with it again. I guess guys with blue skin just can’t catch a break unless they’re in a James Cameron movie.

It’s certainly sad for Nightcrawler and not just because he didn’t get to hook up with Navi princess. The timeline here is unclear because, as I said, this takes place after Death of Wolverine #4, which got delayed. So we don’t know the details of Wolverine’s death. We just know that enough time has for the Jean Grey Institute to go into morning, hoping that nobody tries to blow up the institute during that time. And Nightcrawler, never one to sleep off a perfectly sad night, is too restless. He narrates with some insightful, detailed inner dialog. It has just the right voice. It has all the right emotions. It’s just sad as hell because his friend is dead. So anyone who is only partially drunk at this point might want to stop right now to save their buzz.

The inner monologue, which is so easy to fuck up in comics these days, does a great job of establishing Nightcrawler’s mentality. He doesn’t just describe how depressing the Jean Grey Institute is now with Wolverine being dead. He starts talking about who he is, how he’s dealt with death in the past, and how other cultures deal with death. Yet he does it in a way that doesn’t feel like a History Channel documentary. And yes, before Pawn Stars the History Channel used to actually have documentaries about things like death.

This helps him process how he and others deal with death, providing just the right context, even though it still feels out of place chronologically. But instead of building a pyramid or carving out an anatomically incorrect statue, Nightcrawler does something a little different. He goes to the Danger Room and starts loading up holograms that document some of Wolverine’s greatest hits. This includes battles going all the way back to the All-New, All-Different days from the fashion abyss that was the bell-bottom wearing 70s. It seems so long ago. Attitudes towards mustaches and pubic hair have changed so much. But even though it shows nothing new or unique, Nightcrawler’s insight helps give it just the right context. He makes clear how much he admires Wolverine’s ability to be a total badass and still charm the hell out of pretty redheads. Who wouldn’t admire a guy like that? And he hadn’t even gone out drinking with Wolverine at this point.

Nightcrawler continues to sift through more Danger Room simulations that cover more of Wolverine’s defining moments. That naturally includes defining moments like the Phoenix Saga and since this is Chris Claremont writing here, he’s going to throw in a few remarks about how much Wolverine wanted to bone Jean Grey. Never mind how he was heavily involved with Storm at the end. Chris Claremont has never let reality and shitty X-men movies get in the way of his nerd boner for this pairing. Even so, he makes sure it doesn’t last more than four hours by focusing on how Wolverine struggled with emotions and how Jean’s death affected Wolverine. Again, it’s nothing new. It’s not even that groundbreaking. It just helps add to the emotions.

The other important event he covers is the Morlock Massacre. This was an event that affected both him and Wolverine profoundly. Unfortunately, the narrations are a bit lacking here. It again shows Wolverine in his classic glory before he dedicated 95 percent of his energy to hating Cyclops. It only helped establish how his path diverged from Wolverine’s for a time as a result of this infamous battle. It might bore the hell out of those who are familiar with this story that came out during the Regan Administration, but it’s still an important event for Nightcrawler in this context.

As relevant as these events are for Nightcarwler and Wolverine, the narration starts to feel a bit too much like a clip show at some point. He starts going over how he recovered from the Morlock Massacre and joined Excaliber with Kitty Pryde. If this were a thread on a message board, it would definitely get the mods to lock it because it feels off-topic here. It stops being about Wolverine and more about, “Wow, that time in my life sucked ass.” I get that the death of a friend can make someone like Nightcrawler reflect about where he came from. Unless alcohol is involved, it really doesn’t help when musings become more disorganized my sock drawer.

Things stay off-topic for a while. Nightcrawler keeps narrating, but it doesn’t provide the same emotional insight as before. He’s basically like that voice on a movie trailer, describing how he eventually reunited with the X-men. All was good for a time. He and Wolverine went on road trips getting drunk and hitting on Japanese hookers. Then Hope fucking Summers had to enter the picture and Nightcrawler had to die saving her ungrateful ass. Even though this is an event that happened within the past decade, it still doesn’t add much. It only reminds me of how an awesome guy like Nightcrawler ended up dying because of an annoying brat like Hope fucking Summers. I know I shouldn’t still be bitter, but some asshole brats deserve it.

Things finally get back on track when Nightcrawler does something other than remember all those fun times when Wolverine kicked ass or when he got screwed over. This time it involves an ordinary day when he and Wolverine are out and about, probably looking for more pretty Japanese girls or redheads. Then for reasons that I can only attribute to a lack of whiskey, Wolverine knocks Nightcrawler’s image inducer off in the middle of a crowded street in broad daylight. He talks about being a bit cautious after having recently died, but Wolverine basically says, “Fuck that! You’re alive. Embrace who you are. Now let’s go get some whiskey.” That last part was implied. But what makes this more meaningful than another flashback is how for once, Wolverine inspired Nightcrawler to have faith. For a guy whose faith is restricted to bartenders and beautiful women, that’s pretty profound.

It’s profound enough for Nightcrawler to attempt to use the Danger Room to construct a fitting monument. He could go about it any number of ways. He could have a bar and brewery in his name. He could have a strip club full of nothing but redheads and Asians called “Wolverine’s Bitches.” Or he could just have one big garage of motorcycles. Wolverine would love all of that. Instead, Nightcrawler chooses something more heartfelt.

His monument is not exactly the Great Pyramids of Giza, but it is fitting. It’s just a simple house with beer, pool tables, TVs, and filled with friends. Yes, it’s as corny as it sounds. It almost feels like it was ripped from the finale of a bad 70s sitcom. But it works. It has everything Wolverine cherished. It has good friends, motorcycles, and beer. It might not have Jean Grey and Mariko naked covered in whiskey, but it’s still right up there.

But as nice and as fitting as it feels, it evokes too many painful emotions for Nightcrawler. These emotions help him conclude that Wolverine doesn’t need no stinking monument. He was content with whiskey, steak, and good friends. He was not the kind of guy who would surround himself with holograms and pretend they’re real. He would rather get out into the real world, find real people to stab, and real beer to drink. He didn’t just think about the shit he could do. He went out and fucking did it. That’s the kind of guy Nightcrawler remembers. Sure it took him one too many flashbacks to realize it, but it got the job done.

When he finally leaves the Danger Room and ditches the fancy holograms, he meets up with Rachel Grey. It just wouldn’t be fitting enough if a pretty redhead didn’t get involved at some point in a story about remembering Wolverine. They share a nice moment. It’s nothing too epic, but it works well within the context of the story. There’s another jab at how badly Wolverine wants to bone Jean Grey. Even though that would constitute necrophilia at this point, this is Chris Claremont. If X3 wasn’t enough to disgust him with the concept, then nothing will. And sure, it’s debatable how dead Jean Grey is at this point. But the it helps make the moment more satisfying.

This is one of those issues that can be either really heartwarming or a total buzz kill. And because it’s taking place before we even know how Wolverine takes his dirt nap, it does have an odd impact. It’s like walking into a retirement home with a boner. It just feels out of place. It was still nice in that it hit all the right emotions. It covered the full spectrum of Nightcrawler and Wolverine’s friendship. In just reading this issue, anybody is able to appreciate just how close these two were. It doesn’t go so far as to come off as a gay romance novel. It goes just far enough to offer the right perspective on somebody mourning the loss of a friend. There’s not much action and a lot of what happens covers shit that most X-men fans already know or have seen ripped off. But this issue isn’t meant to be epic in that sense. It isn’t meant to have Nightcrawler battle the forces of Hell or get Mystique to go more than five minutes without trying to shoot somebody. It’s meant to show him mourning for his dead friend. And sure, Nightcrawler of all people should know that death in the Marvel universe is about as absolute as a promise from Tony Soprano. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be emotional in all the right ways. Nightcrawler #7 gets a 7 out of 10. Nightcrawler lost his friend, but at least he can take comfort knowing that Wolverine is in Heaven, enjoying endless three-ways with all the Japanese and redheaded twins he wants. And he should take comfort in that. Nuff said!

C2E2: The Death of Wolverine - Why It Does (And Doesn't) Matter

I probably should have done a post like this earlier. I probably shouldn’t have mixed sleeping pills with cocaine either, but I stopped having visions of my old algebra teacher so I’m going to make this post, damn it. It’s an issue worth discussing if only because I know it has everyone as frustrated about it as me. It happened this past weekend at the C2E2 Convention in Chicago. Marvel and all the other comic book companies traveled to the Windy City to gorge on deep dish pizza and soak everyone’s panties about upcoming summer events. And this big announcement this time around had to do with yet another death gimmick. This time, Marvel is really swinging for the fences. They’re going to try and kill Wolverine. Offing Peter Parker wasn’t enough. Now they have to kill the guy who is without a doubt one of their biggest characters, right up there with Spider-Man.

C2E2: Soule Puts an “Endpoint” on Logan’s Story with “Death of Wolverine”

Now absolutely nobody’s panties should be soaked for this big announcement. This has been a rumor that has been floating around the internet like a bad case of rectal warts for quite a while now. Bleeding Cool reported way back in April 2013 that Marvel had plans to kill off Wolverine. I didn’t doubt it for a second. But now fuck me with frozen twinkee, they turned out to be right. And believe it or not, I’m not outraged or upset. At most, I’m inconvenienced. At worst, I’m just ashamed.

Let’s not beat around the bush here. We all know why Marvel is doing it. It’s the same reason drug smugglers are willing to stuff a dozen bags of heroin up their asses and why lobbyists are willing to suck every dick in Congress: MONEY. Many fans bitch and moan about these events in ways that can only be matched by a spoiled six-year-old at a toy store. But the fact remains we still pay for this shit. We still willingly fork our money over to Marvel, knowing that the story they tell is going to piss us off and exploit our love of these characters.

They’re not assholes for doing this either. They’re just good businessmen. They know they need to make money and sadly, this is what makes money. If tomorrow they found out that a million people were willing to pay 100 bucks for a comic that consisted only of Wolverine kicking Sabretooth in the balls, they would make that shit yesterday. But right now, killing characters and pissing off fans seems to be the only way to get more people to fork over their money. That alone isn’t what’s pathetic. The fact it still works so damn well is what makes me feel shame as a comic book fan, a consumer, and a human being.

Now don’t think for a minute that Wolverine is going to stay dead. This isn’t Uncle Ben. This isn’t even Jean Grey, whose major purpose in comics is to die and be reborn. This is one of Marvel’s most popular characters. Keeping him dead is just going to be bad for business. And anyone with half a brain can expect Marvel and their Disney overlords to do whatever they think is going to make them money. They all saw the sales of Blackest Night. They know bringing characters back to life can be just as lucrative as killing them because we consumers are a bunch of trained lab rats who will sprint through a sea of piss and liquid shit to get their pre-packaged cheese.

Add to that the movies. We just saw it with Peter Parker. Does anyone here who isn’t a JFK conspiracy buff believe that it’s a coincidence that Peter Parker is coming back to life just as another Spider-Man movie is coming out? Fuck no. And there’s both another X-men movie planned for 2016 and another Wolverine movie planned for 2017. Both will most likely suck ass, but that doesn’t matter. There’s simply no way that Marvel is going to keep a character that makes too many people enough metric fucktons of money dead. It’s not a matter of good stories. It’s just fucking economics. The best anyone can hope for is that it doesn’t suck too badly. Nuff said!

C2E2: X-men Panel Announcements - Wolverine and Battle of the Atom

I liken Marvel and DC as being the only two massage parlors in town. They both offer the possibility of happy endings, but it's very rare that they actually deliver. But because there's no other game in town and there's no other way to get that elusive happy ending, we keep coming back in hopes that our overly generous tips will one day get us what we want. And more often than not, we're disappointed.

Now to be fair, DC Comics has been much more willing to get dirty and work the shaft with their events compared to Marvel. They actually have had a number of events that end on some happy note. It's usually not so nice that it would make it into a Mr. Rogers rerun, but at the very least you won't have to up the dosage of your Prozac prescription. For Marvel, they must have a fuckton of stock in pharmaceutical companies because most of their events end with someone being killed, screwed over, and a little of both. Events like House of M, Civil War, Fear Itself, and Avengers vs. X-men all have one thing in common. Someone usually has to die and/or get screwed over for it to be a true Marvel ending.

For a jaded drunk like me, that's no big deal. But after a while, shit gets old. Marvel has been essentially copying and pasting a lot of old tactics lately, from time travel to big media-hyped deaths. Yet they somehow call themselves the House of Ideas. I think that's grounds for Webster's Dictionary to sue, but I'm not a lawyer so I'll only assume someone is sending a few judges a steady stream of blow and hookers. And yet guys like me keep coming back for more because as shitty as these events are at times, there are some pretty awesome gems in between like Schism, All New X-men, Uncanny X-men, and Uncanny X-Force. It may not give your dick all the attention it wants, but it's worth it.

That brings us to Marvel's latest batch of announcements at C2E2 this past weekend. It has been teased for a while that Marvel will be doing something to celebrate the X-men's 50th anniversary. I had planned to hire a few strippers, a midget, and some guys I met at a gay bar for a house party in Miami complete with pools of booze and cocaine. But Marvel has their own plans and here's what they announced, courtesy of CBR:

CBR: Marvel's X-men Panel

Marvel Director of Communications Arune Singh led the roundtable talk with "X-Men" writer Brian Wood, "Wolverine" writer Paul Cornell, Editors Jordan White and Tom Brevoort, "Wolverine & The X-Men" artist Ramon Perez, "Venom" artist Declan Shalvey, colorist Jordie Bellaire and "Uncanny Avengers" writer Rick Remender.

The panel started talking about "Uncanny Avengers" upcoming arc focusing on "Four Deaths" in the form of resurrected characters like Banshee, Sentry, Grim Reaper and Daken. The Apocalypse twins born of Archangel and Pestilance who were raised in the future by Kang raise the four for their own purposes. "What the Apocalypse twins have done is create the Four Horsemen of Death...this sounds like I'm sitting in my house playing D&D by myself," he joked. "Each one of them have context with our cast. You're going to see a big Sentry/Thor knockdown fight."

White teased incoming strife in "All-New X-Men" as Mystique and Lady Mastermind work behind the scenes to build a group against the time-dispalced original X-Men. Meanwhile in "Uncanny X-Men," young Warren Worthington has joined Cyclops' team, but the real question moving forward is can Magneto be trusted with the team?

"Wolverine & The X-Men" will flash to the future in May's issue #29. Perez announced that he'll be leaving the book after the issue. "I got to draw the school about 50 years in the future with a million and one characters," he said. "Wolverine looks kind of cool with a beard...you get to see what kids make it and what kids don't make it in the future. It is an alternate future, though," he said leaving the story possibilities open. The artist said he'll probably stick with the X-Men line in his future work before he and White noted that issue #29 will see a character defect to the Hellfire Club.

As for Wood's "X-Men," the writer said, "Who's tired of waiting for this book?" to applause. He then announced that a seventh, as of yet unseen cast member on the book will join the book on the very last page of issue #1.

The panel then announced that for September's 50th Anniversary of the franchise, Marvel will publish a new crossover event called "X-Men: Battle of The Atom" which has been put together by Brian Michael Bendis, Jason Aaron and Brian Wood as all of their books will play a part in the ten-part story. It will launch with a "Battle of the Aton" #1 issue drawn by Frank Cho before running in "Uncanny X-Men" #12-13, "All-New X-Men" #16-17, "Wolverine & The X-Men" #36-37, "X-Men" # 5-6 and then wrapping in "X-Men: Battle of The Atom" #2.

The story adds some new players to the Cyclops/Wolverine divide when a group of X-Men from the future land in the present including Kate Pryde, Molly Hayes, Deadpool, Lady Xorn, a futuristically mutated Beast and something called "Ice-Thing" – all designed by Arthur Adams.

The next announcement on the slate was a new story called "Killable" starting in "Wolverine" #7 in August by continuing team of Cornell and Alan Davis. The story will reveal how Wolverine can be killed, and when Sabertooth learns the secret, he gathers a cabal of killers to come after Logan. "It's a dirty, great revenge story with Sabertooth and a number of the great X-Men villains who decide that because of something that's about to happen, Wolverine is about to become killable...leading to a kind of Western-style revenge story," the writer said. "We're leading him to the shadow of the valley of death with Kitty Pryde by his side."

The panel promised that by the end of the story, Wolverine would be fundamentally changed – a story beat Singh said would be all over the national media. There were a number of jokes on the panel about that alongside the idea that fans should shower Cornell with love now as they're going to hate him when "Killable" wraps.

"Deadpool" kicks a new story called "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly" in issue #15 by Gerry Duggan, Brian Posehn and Shalvey as new interior artist. The story digs into Deadpool's past where Wade teams with former "Weapon Plus" comrades Captain America and Wolverine. "I'll be honest, I'm a really, really big Wolverine fan," Shalvey said of the gig. "It's a slightly darker story...which really pulled me in." Bellaire added that she hated Deadpool for years after a Deadpool cosplayer was rude to her at a show years before, but working on this book has brought her back around to the character.

The panel then announced that "X-Factor's" September issue will be its last. The move is writer Peter David's choice as he found a natural endpoint of his story. "Right now they're in the middle of the 'Hell On Earth War' arc which really wraps up a lot of the supernatural stories that have been running through the arc," White explained saying that the very final issues will focus on the character relationships in the book including Polaris' relationship with Quicksilver after she accepts that she is, in fact, Magneto's daughter. They then showed a brief video David recorded on the end of the series which has to be seen to get the full effect of the humor, but the writer did say he had another Marvel project in the works.

White then took out his ukulele and led the audience in a "sing along" of the theme from the '90s "X-Men" animated series.

The panel opened up to fan questions, starting with a question as to whether Marvel had any say in how the new "X-Men: Days of Future Past" movie was turning out. Brevoort explained that some higher ups at Marvel were in the loop and could give some notes, but unlike Marvel Studios films, the X-Men franchise is really solely in the control of the team at 20th Century Fox. Similarly, a fan asked after the possibility of more X-Men Legos to which the panel said there may be more sets coming in September.

Wood told a fan that his "X-Men" book would start as a self-contained story and then jump write into the big "Battle of the Atom" event. After that, he'll find a better mix of his own concerns and story beats that play off the events in some of the other X-books.

A fan scoping images online as the panel went asked after another cast member of the "Battle of the Atom" event wondering if Wolverine and Mystique would have a daughter in the future. The question got a "No comment."

Sentry's choice as a Horseman of Death came up, and Remender said the Apocalypse twins have been picking team members based on what they've seen in the future, and what they've seen necessitates certain characters. "We played with Ares as an option, and after going back and forth on it, I went with the Sentry because there was...not untapped potential, but I had some ideas for him," the writer said, adding that it also worked thematically for the idea of a mix of X-Men and Avengers concerns in the book and specifically to lead to the Thor/Sentry rematch. Brevoort said he argued for Ares, but he ceded to Remender's choice in the end.

A fan asked after resurrections of characters might happen in "Battle of the Atom" – particularly Nightcrawler and Jean Grey. The panel took the temperature on the room for either return before declining to comment in any specific fashion.

Wood said that other female characters from the X-Franchise like Pixie could possibly show up in the long term plans for his "X-Men" title, but at the start he wants to get the core cast established strongly.

See those parts I bolded? Well those aren't just the parts that led me to take a few extra shots of tequila. Those are the parts of the announcement that prove my earlier points about Marvel being a shitty massage parlor.

First off, there's time travel. Oh Odin have mercy, there's even more time travel. First we had the Original Five X-men come from the past. Now we've got another team coming in from the future, mostly likely to inform the X-men that they once again fucked up and the world is a dystopian wasteland of killer robots, mutant concentration camps, and Nazi cos-players. Gee, where the fuck have we heard that before? And aren't they making a movie with the same premise? If any of these questions crossed your mind, you need better weed.

Given what's taken place in Age of Ultron right now, Marvel isn't just fucking with the space time continuum. They're drugging Father Time, date raping him, and carving dicks on his face with an ice pick. I know Marvel does a lot of time travel shit, but at some point you gotta give Einstein a chance to stop rolling over in his grave. I'm not saying this event can't be good. Hell, I'll be the first in line to read and review it on my blog with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bottle of lube just in case. But some new ideas wouldn't hurt.

At the very least, it looks like one of the new characters from the future that was teased involves someone that may or may not be proof that Wolverine and Mystique eventually bone again. It's hard to imagine the circumstances where these two would want to get busy in the current set of circumstances, but that doesn't mean I won't be jerking off to it later.

Smut fanfiction writers, you know you want to show how Mystique and Wolverine make this!

Then there's the announcement that will probably kill my boner. It's yet another tease that Marvel is killing yet another big name character. If ever there was a universal trigger to make every comic book fan erupt in a volcano of bitching and moaning, killing a big name character would be it. And who is bigger than fucking Wolverine? The guy has yet another movie coming out after the last one sucked so bad that the word Barakapool is now considered a synonym for comic book movies that suck elephant balls. And now Marvel wants to kill him?

They don't say outright that he's dying, but it does fall perfectly in line with a rumor that Bleeding Cool ran earlier this year that I reported on that said Wolverine would die in 2014. The man is going to lose his healing factor and his worst enemies are going to take advantage of it. How else can this shit end?

We've seen it with Johnny Storm of the Fantastic Four, Charles Xavier in Avengers vs. X-men, and Peter Parker in Ultimate Spider-Man. Killing big name characters draws attention and for some reason it gets fans to fork over their money. I've said it time and again on this blog. The only reason Marvel keeps doing shit like this is because it sells. If this shit didn't sell, Marvel would stop and try to figure out another way to get us to give them our hard-earned money. But it hasn't stopped working. We fanboys are like perpetually PMSing teenage girls and Marvel are the ones dishing out the Midol and chocolate. And we keep taking it like the gullible bitches we are. It's not Marvel's fault. It's ours. And until we understand that (and we won't anytime soon), we'll keep getting fed shit like this and we'll keep gobbling it down.

He's gonna die without knowing how Jean Grey's breasts feel. Poor bastard.

So between time travel and major deaths, the future of X-men looks both promising and infuriating. Yet the high quality of books like Uncanny X-men and All New X-men as well as upcoming books like Brian Wood's all-female X-men give me hope that I'll still have plenty of reviews to do on this blog. And unless you're a Nightcrawler fan or a fan of Peter David's X-Factor, you should have plenty to look forward to. But if you're still holding out for a possible happy ending, keep your lube and porno handy. Because I don't think Marvel is going to deliver once again. Nuff said!