Insincere Insecurities: Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #2

The following is my review of Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #2, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Romance in comics is often handled with the same competence as a teenager who keeps failing to pass the 10th grade. When it comes to telling stories about romance between two powerful characters, it's a two-way street with one too many traffic cops. Either a couple is in the process of hooking up or in the process of breaking up. It's will-they-or-won't-they versus how-bad-is-it-going-to-get? Like North Korean election, there is no middle ground.

The list of iconic couples that have succumbed to this narrow narrative that anyone can see in a 90120 rerun has only grown over the years. Couples like Vision and the Scarlet Witch, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and Cyclops and Jean Grey have all been undermined, undone, or utterly nullified via deals with the pseudo-devil. With Reed and Sue Richards possibly joining that list after Secret Wars, there's a real chance that iconic romances could go the way of VHS and mix tapes.

Marvel's handling of romance has been flawed to say the least. That's why DC's efforts with the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship that emerged from the New 52 was so refreshing. For once, it seemed they would actually put an effort into making this a real relationship and leave sticking to tired formulas to bad Johnny Depp movies. They just had the resist the urge to slip back into familiar territory once the narrative required more effort.

The events of Darkseid War and Truth have made that temptation very strong. And the events of Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #2 attempt to give an overall perspective of the relationship, if only to explore the extent of its potential. The narrative that unfolds leaves us with more questions than answers, but it still provides solid insight into the only relationship that either Marvel or DC has put any effort into developing.

This isn't a story where Superman and Wonder Woman team up to punch Lex Luthor and Cheetah in the jaw while making out on their unconscious bodies. It's more an inner reflection told by Superman, comparing his relationship with Wonder Woman to the relationship his adopted parents had. In some ways, it's both a fair and unfair comparison. Jonathan and Martha Kent represent the gold standard for a loving couple and loving parents. Comparing any relationship to them is like comparing every man's endowment to that of Ron Jeremy.

However, it is a fair comparison in the sense that this relationship is Superman's insight into what a loving couple should be. Compared to those who get their ideas of love from Twilight books and Kanye West videos, this is as good a standard as any man could use. And throughout Superman's musings, we see how his relationship with Wonder Woman meets and does not meet that standard.

We see moments in the relationship where things are sunshine, rainbows, and Celine Dion songs. From getting frisky in the Justice League Watchtower to sharing a double date with Aquaman and Mera, these moments make clear that the love these two shared was genuine and passionate. Some of it is the kind of puppy love that made Stephanie Meyers rich. Some of it is a deeper, more meaningful love that would never made it into a Julia Roberts movie. These moments provide depth, but they also set the stage for the flaws in the narrative.

As Superman's musings continue, we get more insight into other parts of his relationship with Wonder Woman that were never explored in their respective comics. One such moment was him reacting to Wonder Woman becoming the new God of War. While it doesn't lead to an argument, it does reveal some insecurities. And these aren't the kind of insecurities that can be overcome with extra date nights and chocolates either.

The insecurities in this case eventually morph into obstacles. Wonder Woman being the God of War and Superman losing his powers become excuses for uncertainty. And this is the main weakness of the narrative. The uncertainty feels forced and somewhat petty. And when Superman and Wonder Woman start to get petty without the influence of Brainiac, then something is wrong.

Some of these issues that are explored don't need to be issues, but they're presented in such a way and that makes them feel less than genuine. The idea that Superman doesn't trust Wonder Woman to handle being the God of War or that Wonder Woman doesn't trust Superman to be who he is without his powers isn't just disingenuous. It's unreasonable. Again, unless Brainiac is influencing them, they have no excuses.

It's towards the end that these forced insecurities start to have a negative impact on the relationship. That's not to say that it makes the emotions less sincere. If anything, it reveals that Superman and Wonder Woman's relationship still lacks the maturity to make it a reasonable comparison to the Kents. Even if they're still light years ahead of any relationship Marvel has attempted in the past five years, the insecurities are inflated to a point where Superman and Wonder Woman feel out of character.

There are plenty of moments in Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #2 where the strengths and the progression of the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship are well-developed. But the conflicts that are explored in this issue feel too forced. It gives the impression that DC is succumbing to the same temptation that Marvel did when they nullified Spider-Man's marriage with Mary Jane Watson. Even if this doesn't lead to another deal with Mephisto, it feels like someone is too ready to sell their soul.

Every relationship faces conflicts and obstacles. The Superman/Wonder Woman relationship is no different. But in the same way comics rely too often on Nazis and evil scientists, they rely too much on forcing dysfunction within a relationship to make it interesting. Superman and Wonder Woman don't have to be on the verge of breaking up or making up to be meaningful. The emotions between them just have to be sincere. And with the exception of sociopaths and poorly moderated message boards, these emotions appeal to everybody.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 21: War and Peace and Love is LIVE!

It’s official! My first ever Superman/Wonder Woman story is complete. It took a good chunk of this year, but I did it. I told a story of DC’s ultimate power couple and completed it. I’m not going to lie. It was a uniquely challenging story. I’m not talking challenging in a way like Lost or Fight Club. I’m not even talking about the challenge that comes with capturing the passion and heart of these two characters. The sincerity of Superman and Wonder Woman’s love is never in question. It’s the world around them that presents the challenges.

Those same challenges are reflective of them being the heroes they are. They each possess so much power, both physically and personally. Superman has the power to move planets and demolish cities. Wonder Woman has the power to kill gods and destroy entire armies. However, they don’t use their power in that way. Even when they get a chance to resolve a conflict with power alone, they choose not to use it. That’s what makes them heroes and that’s what makes them such great characters.

Throughout this story, I put Superman and Wonder Woman in some very difficult situations. Superman had a chance to defend himself against the hostel Amazons. He chose not to. He endured their wrath and that of Ares. He did so because he understood that power alone is not an effective way to solve a problem. Wonder Woman understood that too. That’s why she went into the same battle, knowing the gods had turned everyone she loved against her. But she didn’t let that stop her from doing the right thing.

Now, Superman and Wonder Woman have set a powerful example for the gods and for the Amazons. They proved through their compassion and their love that there is a better way. In this final chapter, the example they set starts to take hold. That, in many ways, is their greatest power and the greatest testament to their love. It stands as an example and an ideal for others to strive towards and it marks the culmination of a story that has come so far.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 21: War and Peace and Love

When I began this story, I knew I was taking on a challenge. Superman and Wonder Woman are difficult characters to write, but that’s exactly what makes their stories worth telling. I told a story of how they came together and how their love helped them overcome overwhelming odds. The response I’ve gotten from this story has been fantastic, especially from Superman/Wonder Woman fans. With that, I hope to tell another Superman/Wonder Woman story down the line. For now, this is the end of my first attempt and I hope it’s as awesome as DC’s ultimate power couple deserves to be. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 20: Remorse and Reconciliation is LIVE!

Sometimes the hardest part of the battle is the aftermath. When the bullets stop flying and the dust starts to settle, the impact finally sinks in. For some, it’s traumatic. For some, it’s a relief. For others, it’s a chaotic mix of conflicting feelings that’ll give even the Lex Luthors of the world migraines. But in many respects, it’s the most important part of a story.

That’s the point I’m at with “Strangers In Paradise.” That’s right. My first ever Superman/Wonder Woman story is in the home stretch. It’s been quite an experience, one that has tested my abilities in ways I never expected. But I like to think I rose to the challenge. I like to think I lived up to Superman and Wonder Woman’s standard, both as characters and as a couple. The previous chapter acted as the big, climactic battle. Every conflicting force converged from the gods of Olympus to the plot by Lex Luthor. In the end, Superman and Wonder Woman triumphed. They won the day. But what about tomorrow?

This is where the true core of Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship is at its best. These are two insanely powerful characters. At numerous points in the story, they could’ve crossed certain lines to make it easier on themselves. However, they never concerned themselves about how hard a decision was. They only ever cared about doing the right thing, both as individuals and as a couple. That, more than anything else, is the strength of their character and their love.

In any relationship, doing the right thing will always come with more obstacles than choosing an easier path. Most flawed human beings will be hindered at some point. But Superman and Wonder Woman represent an ideal. For them, there’s no debate. They don’t try to walk that fine line between right and wrong. They will do what is right for them and for others. That’s what makes them so strong as heroes and as lovers. And that’s what I intend to show as the dust settles in this story.

Strangers In Paradise
Chapter 20: Remorse and Reconciliation
There’s just one chapter left now. My first Superman/Wonder Woman story is just about complete. There are a few more loose ends to tie up. There are few more emotions I want to capture before I put the finishing touch on this story. I’ve been very pleased with the support I’ve received from Superman/Wonder Woman fans thus far. I hope it continues as this story concludes. Please remember to take the time to review or post comments. I’m always happy to chat, especially if it means making my stories more awesome. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 19: Pain and Sacrifice is LIVE!

It took me longer than I hoped. You can thank unexpected complications and the New York Comic Con for that. But I still did it. I updated Strangers In Paradise. I know. I know. I'm a sick son-of-a-bitch for making readers wait nearly a month for the next chapter. I ended Chapter 18 with such a juicy teaser that I should be locked in a public restroom at a Jets game with no air freshener for not updating sooner. But between the delays Marvel has had with Secret Wars and the delays DC had with Forever Evil and Convergence, I think I deserve some credit. It's not like I pulled a Bryan Hitch or anything.

But it's true. This chapter is the culmination of Superman and Wonder Woman's struggle in this story. First, they came together in their youth. Second, they found each other years later after so many obstacles. Third, they built a powerful, meaningful relationship despite those obstacles. Now, in the final test of their struggle together, they must trust in each other completely to overcome a threat that was born from both their worlds.

Lex Luthor has usurped the power of the gods. He willingly cooperated with Ares and Apollo in a plot to overthrow Olympus. Had he been like the many mortals of myth, they might have succeeded. But Lex Luthor is no ordinary mortal. He's the smartest, most ruthless mortal that the gods have ever dealt with. They thought they could control him. They were wrong. In the end, it was Luthor who manipulated them. Now, he has both the Annihilator Armor and the power of Erebus at his disposal. Now, he's set to unleash this power on the world and take his rightful place as the true Man of Tomorrow.

The only ones standing in his way now are Superman and Wonder Woman. They stand as the final obstacle between Lex Luthor and ultimate triumph. But if they're to stand a chance, they'll need to trust in both each other and the influence they've had on those around them. Superman and Wonder Woman dared to defy the traditions of those around them, be it the people of Metropolis or the Amazons. They dared to show that love, trust, and understanding can be more powerful than hatred, fear, and mistrust. Will those efforts pay off? That's what this final battle will reveal.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 19: Pain and Sacrifice

The final battle is here, but the impact it makes has only begun. That impact will affect more than Superman and Wonder Woman. While this is a critical test in their relationship in terms of sharing each others' burdens, it is also a major turning point for those around them. What will this mean for Wonder Woman's exile? What will this mean for Olympus? What will this mean for Clark Kent? Those are all questions that will be answered in time. But for now, the big battle is here. And it's shows Superman and Wonder Woman at their best. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 18: Blind Darkness is LIVE!

There are certain villains that are in a class all their own. They don’t just embody all the traits we associate with evil and malice. They do it with a skill and refinement akin to a world class artist. In that sense, Lex Luthor is the Leonardo Da Vinci of supervillains. In fact, Lex Luthor would probably say that compared to him, Da Vinci was a hack. And the disturbing thing is he’s probably right.

If all the villains in comics were put into an arena and ranked as a whole, then Lex Luthor would be in the uppermost tier, most likely mocking all those who think he’s on his level. He’s a special kind of villain. There’s no doubt about it. He doesn’t just think he’s superior. He knows he’s superior. And for the most part, he’s absolutely right. According to his own Wikipedia entry, he is the most intelligent human being in the DC universe and one of the most intelligent beings overall. He doesn’t have superpowers, but with genius like his he doesn’t need it.

He’s not just smart. He’s got an ego that’s second to none. He never sees himself more than a man, but he believes his genius to be equal among gods. It’s that unique ego that has put him in a unique position in Strangers In Paradise. The Amazons and the Gods of Olympus are all powerful and daunting in their own respect. However, they’ve never dealt with a man like Lex Luthor. Ares and Apollo thought they could manipulate him, as the gods have manipulated mortals for centuries. They were wrong.

It was never a matter of if Lex would outsmart Ares and Apollo. It was only ever a matter of when. And in the previous chapter, just as Ares had unlocked the Tomb of Erebus, that time came. Lex made his move. He dared to defy the will of the gods. And he succeeded where every mythological hero before him failed.

Lex’s involvement in this conflict is very much a culmination of Superman and Wonder Woman’s greatest challenge in building a relationship. They went to such great lengths just to get together. But at some point, they were going to get caught up in each others conflicts. Superman was going to get caught up with the Amazons again. And Wonder Woman was going to get in the crossfire of Superman’s enemies. Between Lex Luthor and renegade gods, this is a conflict that they can’t hope to overcome on their own. In the greatest test of their relationship to date, they must stop Lex Luthor together. And that test begins now.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 18: Blind Darkness

There aren’t a lot of forces that can match the collective power of Superman and Wonder Woman. Together, they’re two of the most powerful beings in the DC Universe. However, Lex Luthor is still the smartest. And now he’s got the power of gods with which to fight. It’s the kind of clash that will either make them stronger or break them completely. This is still my first ever Superman/Wonder Woman story and I wanted to make the final battle be sufficiently epic. Thanks to Lex Luthor, I think I’ve achieved just that. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 17: Allied Hearts is LIVE!

There comes a point in every conflict where the forces of karma have a way of balancing out a massive clusterfuck that has become too lopsided. It doesn't always happen at once. Sometimes the process of biting someone else in the ass takes time and patience. The Vietnam War is proof enough of that. But when the enemy is Ares, the God of War, and a Lex Luthor, who might as well be the God of Ego and Baldness, there isn't much room for patience.

This is part of the challenge in writing a Superman/Wonder Woman story. These two characters are among the most powerful characters in the history of comics. Superman has moved planets, destroyed solar systems by sneezing, and made a sex tape with Big Barda (see Action Comics #592 and #593). Wonder Woman has battled entire armies, slain gods, and held the title of both Queen and Goddess. Even Disney would say she's pushing it. So when these two forge a relationship, who or what could possibly be strong enough to stand against them? It's a challenge, but it's one worth taking on.

At this point in my story, Superman and Wonder Woman have walked right into the trap laid by Ares and Lex Luthor. They entered the domain of the gods and they got beat. It wasn't because they were too weak either. Ares, Lex Luthor, and Apollo outsmarted and outwitted them. They put them in situations where they couldn't just fight their way out. It's the perfect tactic and one that even the strongest can't avoid. Now Superman is Ares' prisoner and Wonder Woman is in an unwinnable battle against Lex Luthor and her corrupted sisters.

However, all that cunning and treachery comes at a price. Eventually, even the gods and Lex Luthors of the world will piss off enough people that they can't avoid the backlash. And sometimes that backlash is more powerful than a romantically linked Superman and Wonder Woman. With the stakes getting higher and time running out, that backlash is set to begin. But will it be enough? That's what this latest chapter of "Strangers In Paradise" will start to reveal.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 17: Allied Hearts

The conflict is escalating to its highest point and so are the emotions. This is a conflict that Superman and Wonder Woman cannot overcome with their might as individuals. This is something that they'll have to get through together. It's a true test of strength, trust, and love. And it's only going to get harder as time runs out. But they wouldn't be much of a Power Couple if they couldn't rise to the challenge. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 16: Front Lines is LIVE!

There are a number of ways for a strong relationship to stay strong, but there are always many more ways to destroy it. Sometimes, those ways that destroy a relationship are outside anyone’s control. Nobody chooses their significant other to have asshole parents, crazy ex-lovers, or enemies at the IRS. Sometimes that’s just how shit plays out. If they love each other enough and fight hard enough, a couple can overcome this. Sometimes it takes money, lawyers, and a significantly bruise ego (among other things), but it can work.

For Superman and Wonder Woman, they’re kind of used to having crazy, fucked up forces working against them. Superman tries to fight for truth, justice, and the American way in a world where Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are serious presidential candidates. Wonder Woman tries for honor, compassion, and empathy in a world where dictators, tyrants, and reality shows undermine every one of those concepts. They’ve been able to fight those battles pretty well on their own. Then, they come together and they have to fight an entirely different set of battles to make it work. But for love, that shit is worth it.

I know it’s cheesy. I know it’s the basis for every song by every boy band in history. But no matter how cynical or jaded someone might be, they understand on some levels that love is worth fighting for. So as I’ve explored Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship in “Strangers In Paradise,” I’ve tried give them a worthy fight. That’s not easy. These are two of the most powerful characters in the DC Universe. Superman can wipe his ass with entire planets and Wonder Woman can bust the balls of every male creature within the same galactic neighborhood. But in this story, they face a threat that no amount of brute strength and cheesy love songs can solve.

Right now, they’re facing a shit storm convergence, courtesy of familiar faces that just love stirring up shit. Lex Luthor, the gods of Olympus, and the Amazons have all coordinated to create the kind of conflict that tests more than just their relationship. Superman and Wonder Woman are basically at ground zero of a divine clusterfuck with Lex Luthor providing extra lube. Ares has subdued his father and taken over Olympus. Apollo has set up shop in the mortal realm. The Amazons are now being mind-controlled by Ares and Lex Luthor is packing divine muscle in the Annihilator Armor. Even by Superman/Wonder Woman standards, this makes for a pretty shitty day.

And it’s about to get worse. Superman and Wonder Woman have already taken the first steps into this shit storm, working together as best they can in an effort to stop it. But even with their power, they can only do so much. And they’re about to find out just how shitty it’s going to get. All I can say is they’re going to need more than a romantic getaway to recover from this one.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 16: Front Lines

This isn’t just about testing Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship. It’s also going to test their resolve and their ideals, as any great struggle against those who stir up shit storms ought to. It’s not enough to test them physically. It’s not even enough to test their relationship. The way they go about being heroes is always being challenged and they have to find a way to rise to that challenge. But this is one challenge they can’t take on as individuals. They have to do it together.

Again, I know that sounds like a lyric from an old Brittney Spears song, but it’s true. Even two of the most powerful beings in comics can be challenged in a way that doesn’t feel bland and contrived. It’s a hard story to tell, but it’s one that’s worth telling. Nuff said!

Equals in an Unequal Struggle: Superman/Wonder Woman #19

The following is my review of Superman/Wonder Woman #19, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When things are good, every relationship feels like the opening theme to a 90s sitcom. It’s all smiles, laughter, and terrible music from the Hootie and Blowfish type bands. Even Tina and Ike Turner probably had their good days. It’s only when things get bad that we find out which couples are the Waldens and which couple are the Bundies.

Since DC decided to do the most obvious romantic pairing since Mulder and Scully in the X-Files, the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship has evolved in an astoundingly mature way. There was no beating around the bush, Ross and Rachel style. There was no drawn out melodrama that every reality show ever has tried to capture. Superman and Wonder Woman just came together, embraced the opportunity, and actually made the effort to create a functioning relationship.

In fact, they’ve put more effort into their relationship than every couple that ever got together in 90210. They’ve gotten to a point where they truly carried themselves as equals, making complementing their strengths and confronting their weaknesses. They’re not defined by their romance, but they are better because of it.

Now, Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship is being tested in a way that even the worst romantic comedy has never attempted. Superman’s identity has been exposed. His powers have been severely curtailed. On top of that, someone is intent on destroying the ruins of Clark Kent’s life and spitting on the ashes. If ever he needed the support of his girlfriend, it’s now. If ever there was a hardship for a relationship, this is right up there with a weekend at the in-laws.

Superman/Wonder Woman #19 puts Wonder Woman at ground zero of the ongoing effort to make her lover miserable. She doesn’t have to be part of this fight, but she chooses to be part of it because she cares about her lover just that much. In doing so, we get a story with an engaging, dramatic narrative that never feels overly dramatic. There’s no part of this situation that’s ideal for either Superman or Wonder Woman, but that’s exactly what makes the drama meaningful.

They’ve already had a decidedly bad day since showing up in Smallville. They arrived to investigate the disappearance of its people, which includes Superman’s old flame, Lana Lang. That day gets even worse when they encounter the Suicide Squad. At this point, a tornado and a string of outdated Wizard of Oz jokes would have been less frustrating. It leads to a fairly basic clash that nobody is going to mistake for a war with Darkseid, but it still creates some meaningful moments.

In any other circumstances, this is the kind of fight that Superman and Wonder Woman could brush aside in the same way Bill Gates brushes aside a check from Applebees. But with Superman’s powers being limited, the battle takes on a much more urgent tone. He can’t just cough in a way that’ll blow Black Manta, Harley Quinn, and Deadshot into the next County. He has to get his hands dirty and take a few bullets. It forces Superman to be less upstanding than usual, carrying himself like a hung over Rocky Balboa at times. But it doesn’t stop him from being Superman.

This also doesn’t stop Wonder Woman from being the warrior and lover she’s always been. She’s used to protecting those weaker than her, but she’s probably not used to Superman being among them. Even so, the battle never becomes like an inverted version of Super Mario. She doesn’t have to be his hero. She just has to keep being his lover. She fights by his side, not in his place. It may not make for a good Nintendo game, but it does reveal a mature and evolving relationship.

Beyond their relationship, there’s also a compelling story unfolding behind the scenes. During the battle against the Suicide Squad, we find out that they’re not responsible for the disappearances of the people in Smallville. That means even the Amanda Wallers in the government are clueless as well. It further deepens the mystery. It’s not as simple as Lex Luthor attempting to troll Superman in the worst possible way. There are other forces at work here.

We get some hints as to who might behind this, but not nearly enough. We can only confirm at this point that whoever is behind this, they’re not done tormenting Superman. And for some reason, they think it’s a good idea to mess with a very irritated Superman, who also happens to be Wonder Woman’s boyfriend. Ignoring the death wish behind this plot, it raises a few intriguing questions that warrant further exploration.

It’s also at this point where another important aspect of Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship is exposed. While Wonder Woman doesn’t have to save Superman in the Princess Peach tradition, she still has to treat him when he gets wounded. She also makes it clear that his vulnerability worries her, as it probably should for any caring lover. It makes for a tender moment, but it never becomes too much like a Greys Anatomy sub-plot. Superman doesn’t let it.

Instead, he makes it clear that he doesn’t want Wonder Woman to change how she goes about being Wonder Woman. He does the exact opposite of what the majority of love stories in Disney movies do, telling his lover to not change who she is or how she lives her life. It may be jarring to those used to seeing women upend their lives for a handsome man or men doing the same for a beautiful woman, but that’s what helps set Superman and Wonder Woman apart. It is truly a relationship of equals.

That mutual trust and shared struggle is what makes Superman/Wonder Woman #19 feel like another important step in the development of this relationship. They’ve shared major battles together. They’ve shared the frustrations of being on the same team as Batman together. Now, they’re sharing each other’s personal struggles and even when one of them is weak, it still feels like a relationship among equals. That sort of thing is difficult to find in an era of radical feminism, men’s rights activists, and Kardashian marriages. But that’s exactly what makes it so meaningful.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Superman/Wonder Woman #19

What is true love? My grandfather said true love is being able to throw up in a toilet while your lover holds your hair and sings to you. My ex-girlfriends would disagree, but I'm convinced that some of them don't know the difference between true love and having an neutered dog. This is a debate that has baffled philosophers, emperors, and shitty movies for ages. I sure as hell can't debate this kind of shit when I'm overly sober, but I can at least accept one argument. We know love when we see it.

And right now, anyone who doesn't have a raging hard-on for Lois Lane has to say that the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship is the kind of love that would make a guy like me quit drinking. They're a relationship of equals. Their not defined by their love for each other. They're made stronger and happier because of it. They actually go out of their way to work on their relationship to make it better. Hell, I couldn't get my last girlfriend to order a fucking pizza for me. Superman and Wonder Woman have shown what it takes to make love work.

Now, they're showing what happens when a special breed of asshole goes out of their way to make someone's life miserable. Superman's identity has been exposed. And since it's not enough that he can't live the life he worked so hard to maintain, someone has to go out of his way to desecrate his old home in Smallville. Outside Game of Thrones, there aren't many people who can claim to be that cruel. Someone wants to torment Clark Kent and Diana Prince is ready to stand by her man. That's what makes the setup for Superman/Wonder Woman #19 so intriguing. It also reminds me that true love and navigating shit storms aren't a mutually exclusive process.

I'm not sure what category shit storm that fighting the Suicide Squad in a graveyard falls under, but I imagine it's the kind that would get most people to board up their houses and stock up on duct tape. Superman and Wonder Woman have been investigating a distress call from Superman's old gal pal, Lana Lang. That distress call has revealed that someone has gone to great lengths to troll Superman in the worst possible way. Even the 4chan crowd would be impressed. Now, the Suicide Squad shows up to make Superman even more miserable. I'm not sure this counts as rubbing kryptonite laced salt in the wound, but it damn well ought to.

Under traditional circumstances, a fight between the Suicide Squad and the collective muscle of Superman and Wonder Woman wouldn't be fair. Hell, it's a fight that would be over the moment Superman and Wonder Woman got bored, tired, or horny. But Superman is not at full strength. He's vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. That makes the fight a bit more fair, but he still has Wonder Woman on his side so it's still more lopsided than a drinking contest between a Mormon and a Kennedy.

Fair or not, it still makes for a much more visceral battle. It's not as epic as a clash with Darkseid or Zod would be, but it's still pretty satisfying. Wonder Woman takes on the heavy hitters like Reverse Flash. Superman takes on the dipshits who still think shooting him will solve their problems. Even in his weakened form, he's got to be rolling his eyes. But these aren't typical Bond villain henchmen. They're the Suicide Squad. They have some personality in addition to their personality disorders. So there's plenty of entertainment value, as is often the case whenever Harley Quinn gets involved.

Entertaining aside, there's still one burning question that semi-sober minds are probably asking. Why the fuck would the Suicide Squad attack Superman in the first place? Who honestly thought it was a good idea to attack Wonder Woman's man? I don't know what kind of drugs would make someone think that shit, but even I wouldn't try them.

Wonder Woman makes sure she gets that point across, even to demented minds like Harley Quinn. But this question becomes somewhat moot while Superman is battling Black Manta. During their struggle, he reveals something intriguing. As sane as it sounds, the Suicide Squad's mission didn't involve fucking with Superman and Wonder Woman. They arrived in Smallville because others have noted some crazy shit going on. That means they didn't kick up this shit storm. They just got sent into it.

This adds another layer to the mystery and one that adds a new dimension to Superman's ongoing identity issue. Before his identity got exposed, most people probably couldn't find Smallville on a map, let alone think anything more remarkable than a pie-eating contest would occur. Now that everyone knows it's Clark Kent's hometown, it's attracting all the wrong kinds of attention and that includes the Suicide Squad. It's another testament to just how fucked Superman is in a world where he has no secret identity anymore.

Intrigue or not, the Suicide Squad isn't passing up an opportunity to rough up Superman when he's vulnerable. They might have had a chance to succeed if Wonder Woman hadn't been with him. But she is so they're more fucked than a Greek bank's credit rating. That's not to say Superman still doesn't show some grit. While Wonder Woman protects him from Deadshot's onslaught, he goes out of his way to really fuck up Black Manta. He doesn't try to be nice and friendly about it either. He's still Superman, but he's a Superman in a foul mood. He won't murder Black Manta, but he will make him wish he was dead and sometimes that's just as heroic.

The battle finally ends and as satisfying as it might be to rough up the Suicide Squad, they still need answers. And as it just so happens, Superman left Black Manta conscious. I'm sure he still wishes he were dead, but that just means it sucks even more to be him. He reiterates that the Suicide Squad had nothing to do with the disappearances. They're investigating it too and since this happens to be the hometown of Superman, sending a team of deranged villains just felt right. It still leaves Superman pretty pissed off, but it helps deepen the mystery.

For some, however, they couldn't give three tenths of a fuck about mystery. They have a chance to kick Superman when he's down and fuck, they're going to take it. That's exactly what Deadshot does, who they also left conscious. Superman and Wonder Woman probably regret being so merciful, especially Superman because he ends up getting a full-fledged bullet massage. It doesn't kill him, but just as he did with Black Manta, it makes him wish he were dead.

It's not the worst blow Superman has ever taken by a long shot. It's still probably more of an annoyance on par with a mild rectal itch. But it's a moment that once again reinforces just how vulnerable Superman is right now. He's still strong enough to take a bullet, but now they don't just bounce off him. Now they actually fucking hurt. I imagine it's a lot harder to stand for truth, justice, and the American way when you're sore as fuck, but that's why he's Superman.

And Wonder Woman is still his lover so Deadshot just ensured he'll need to be dry humping morphine for the next three weeks. She does a reverse Princess Peach and limits Superman's soreness as best she could. She also makes damn sure that Deadshot will be way more sore for the foreseeable future. It's yet another mark of genuine love. One person fucks with their lover, that person gets fucked up as a result. It's simple, genuine, romantic, and even a little violent, but in the best possible way. It's not the kind of shit that'll ever show up in a romantic comedy and that's exactly what makes it so satisfying.

What makes it even more satisfying is how Wonder Woman rushes to his aid. But she doesn't try to prop him up and baby him. She's his girlfriend, not his mother. He's sore and wounded, but at least he had someone to take it out on and Wonder Woman was there to share in the fun. I'm pretty sure this counts as a date by their twisted standards. Wonder Woman even finds a way to add some extra sentiment, giving him the old Kent family mailbox as something he can hold onto. It's not the most romantic gift she could've given him. I'm pretty sure crotchless panties would've revitalized him just as much. But it gets the point across. It's the kind of non-creepy romantic gesture that even Twilight haters can enjoy.

Beyond the romance, we get a few more hints as to who's fucking with Superman's life and thinks it's a good idea. While Wonder Woman flies him away, someone else is spying on him. He's not Lex Luthor. In fact, he looks kind of like the principal of my old high school, which means he must have choked a live puppy at some point in his day. He's also intrigued at Superman's vulnerability and probably wants to exploit the fuck out of it. And he makes it clear that he's not done fucking with him. Either he really hates Superman or getting beat up by Wonder Woman is the only thing that'll give him a boner anymore.

Wonder Woman takes Superman back to the bunker under his old house, which is probably the only part of his life as Clark Kent that wasn't hit with a TNT enema. While there, Wonder Woman plays the part of the sexy nurse girlfriend, but in a completely non-porno way. It makes for a wonderfully sweet moment that should still give some people the same boners that sexy nurse porn will. Superman is badly bruised and in a lot of pain. Wonder Woman is there to treat him. It's a beautiful moment. It's intimate without being overly sexy. For once, my heart and my penis are in agreement.

Beyond the sentiment of the moment, Superman says something important that some women only wish their lover's would say. He tells Wonder Woman that they can't go into a battle where she has to worry about protecting him all the time. Even though he's vulnerable, she has to trust him to carry his own weight. Now that might not apply in a battle against Darkseid or a coked up Lex Luthor, but they be an inverted version of Super Mario brothers. They still have to trust each other, even when one of them isn't at full strength.

What makes this moment so special is that it shows how Superman isn't going to let his girlfriend fight his battles for him. Some men might be okay with that. Some might even prefer it. But Superman still has to be Superman. It still worries Wonder Woman because like any genuine lover, she doesn't want to lose him. And some women will wrap their lovers in bubble wrap and duct tape in a very unsexy way to protect them. But she's not willing to be that obsessive. She's Wonder Woman, not some character Jennifer Anniston plays in shitty movies.

Once they make these reservations known, Superman focuses back on the conflict at hand. He's still Superman. He's still determined to save innocent people, especially those from his hometown. To do that, he'll have to do some kind of crazy shit that only Superman can get away with doing. And he has to do it without Wonder Woman. It feeds directly off the conversation they just had. He needs her to trust him to do what he needs to do and she has to believe him when he says she doesn't want to be in this part of the shit storm. It's a test that even mature relationships will fuck up every now and then. With these two, the margin for fucking up is extremely small. It's a powerful moment that conveys its power while fully clothed. That alone helps make it meaningful.

So why exactly would Superman not want Wonder Woman to tag along through this wing of the shit storm? Well, there's actually a very believable explanation for that and one most women, minus those who get reality shows on A&E, would understand. It involves Superman breaking into the White House and having a chat with the President himself. So yeah, this is shit that only Superman could do and not be the target for drone strikes for the next eight years. And bringing Wonder Woman along for this would only make it more awkward. Two of the world's most powerful heroes breaking into the White House doesn't send a very good message. One vulnerable hero who just got attacked by a government-sponsored task force is more palatable. At worst, it'll trigger a few committee hearings and some bitching from John McCain.

In reading the Superman/Wonder Woman comics, I've come to see it as the antithesis to romantic comedies and softcore porn on Cinemax. This series isn't about some quirky way a couple of attractive, model-worthy people hook up and start humping. This is about two people actually building a meaningful relationship. The fact that they're two of the most iconic heroes in the history of comics is actually secondary. Think about that for a moment. The heroics that make Superman and Wonder Woman the icons they've been since the days of FDR is superseded by a relationship. And yet, it's still awesome.

This is the kind of relationship that won't get Twilight fans horny, but it will get anyone who values honest, realistic romance excited. And yes, there are people who do appreciate that shit. They won't admit it and they'll deny it until the day they die, but it's a common theme that binds anyone who has ever been in love in any capacity. So unless you're an emo goth who never stops listening to Linken Park songs, this comic will resonate.

The battle against the Suicide Squad was nicely detailed, even if it didn't do anything overly epic. But more than anything else, it deepened the mystery and put Superman on a more dangerous path. We still don't know who has been making him miserable, but we know Wonder Woman is giving him something to fight for. And she can do it while keeping her top on. That, my friends, is true love right there. I give Superman/Wonder Woman #19 an 8 out of 10. It'll put a smile on your face, but it won't make your hearts explode. Those looking for something more intense should just stick to crack. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 15: Heart Shaped Box is LIVE!

There comes a point in every relationship where just leaving the toilet seat down isn’t enough. Despite what every love song since 1955 might claim, it takes more than just love for a relationship to succeed. Most stories about relationships center around the will they/won’t they dynamic that Friends exploited to no end. Others revolve around love triangles or hook-ups that make every romantic comedy more predictable than GIECO commercial. With Superman and Wonder Woman, there seems to be a concerted effort to not stick to every formula that Disney has ever tried.

Getting together was the easy part for these two in the comics. In “Strangers In Paradise,” I made them work for it a little more. They had to fight just to have a chance to get together, but I never intended that to be the full story. To really make this relationship stronger, I set out to challenge them in a major way. But I didn’t want that challenge to come from another love interest. The last thing Superman/Wonder Woman needs is a fucking love triangle. Unless it’s in a porn parody of Man of Steel, it just has no appeal. For this story, the challenge goes beyond their relationship, but it’s not something they could’ve avoided.

Right now, “Strangers In Paradise” is entering a very volatile conflict. While Superman and Wonder Woman have been working on establishing their relationship and sharing their lives, their enemies have been plotting. The gods of Olympus are causing trouble again. Lex Luthor is causing trouble too, as only he can. Even the Amazons are getting in on the act. What makes this conflict so difficult is that Superman and Wonder Woman made all the right decisions for all the right reasons. Wonder Woman was right to leave her home when she did. Superman was right in not fighting the Amazons all those years ago. But despite their efforts to do the right thing, their enemies are still trying to tear them apart.

Now, as this conflict finally finds them, their relationship will face its biggest challenge to date. It’s not enough to just get through this together. They have to be stronger as individuals as well. That’s what makes a relationship solid, the ability to make each other stronger. Superman and Wonder Woman could probably fight this battle without being romantically entangled, but they would never be able to fight it with the kind of strength they give each other as lovers. The struggle is going to escalate and so are the emotions. It’s bound to get volatile, but in all the right ways.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 15: Heart Shaped Box

This story has been an interesting exercise in exploring a relationship between two iconic characters. It’s been challenging, but insightful. I believe we’re entering an era where people just aren’t satisfied with the same formula for love stories. We’ve seen enough crap with the Ross and Rachels of the world. Let’s try something different and that’s exactly what I think the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship offers. And I hope to capture it in the pages of “Strangers In Paradise.”

Since it’s still my first ever Superman/Wonder Woman story, please take the time to submit feedback. I appreciate any reviews anyone can offer, constructive or otherwise. It’s the only way people like me will be able to tell stories that are more interesting than a Hugh Grant movie. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 14: Homeward Bound is LIVE!

The gods of mythology often represent the best and worst of humanity. Some of the stories surrounding these mythical figures are pretty fucked up. I imagine some of them weren't told while in a completely sober state of mind. That's not entirely wrong. An entirely sober mind is not a full human mind in my opinion. That said, there are a number of themes that have played out in these mythological tales that have found their way into stories about Superman and Wonder Woman.

Part of what makes these two so compelling as characters and as lovers is how they represent the ideals they espouse. Superman is the epitome of a male hero. Wonder Woman is the epitome of a female hero. They are the standard by which their peers are measured. And some of the greatest stories about them occur when their peers fail miserably to measure up.

That's what's happening in Strangers In Paradise right now. Superman and Wonder Woman have been trying to build a strong, lasting relationship. They came together after being torn apart by forces beyond their control. Now some of those forces are trying to destroy them. With Superman, it's Lex Luthor trying to prove himself again. For Wonder Woman, it's her sisters and the gods she once served abandoning the ideals that she championed. Neither one of them did anything wrong in making the decisions that brought them together. But to those around them, doing the right thing just isn't enough.

Now they have to pay the price for being in love and making the right decisions. That's exactly as unfair as it sounds, but you won't hear Superman or Wonder Woman complain about it. They will still do the right thing, even if it means testing their relationship and confronting those who gave a big middle finger to the values they champion. The price of doing the right thing is about to get very high for them, but they won't be without hope. It's part of what makes their relationship so compelling. And it's going to be the key to overcoming the challenges before them.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 14: Homeward Bound

Being the embodiment of an ideal and being in love is supposed to be a challenge. However, in the same way real relationships encounter problems that can't be foreseen, Superman and Wonder Woman will have to do the same. And these are problems that they might not be able to overcome on their own. If they're to have any hope at all, they need to rely on each other and trust each other. That's what makes them true embodiments of modern legend. It also makes them even sexier on so many levels. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 13: Crown of Thorns is LIVE!

There comes a point in every relationship where one partner's problems become the other's by default. The good relationships are able to share in the burdens. The bad relationships usually end up on Jerry Springer. As much as I love Jerry Springer, that's not the kind of story that I've been telling in Strangers In Paradise. That said, not even Jerry Springer could deal with the kind of conflicts that Superman and Wonder Woman are dealing with it. Springer can deal with fat strippers and hillbilly incest all day long. But problems that involve Lex Luthor and a pissed off God of War are way beyond him.

I spent the first part of this story just establishing the circumstances in which Clark and Diana had to come together. They faced a lot of challenges, but they were able to overcome them. However, getting together was just the first big challenge. Now they're trying to share each others' lives and shoulder each others' burdens. With Lex Luthor rubbing elbows with the Olympians, that's an unholy clusterfuck if there ever was one. But like I said, it's what helps distinguish some strong relationships from all the others.

Clark and Diana have had six months to establish the basics of their relationship. Now they need to jump a few levels to the advanced shit because Lex Luthor and Ares are about to make their move. It's going to affect them in a big way and it's going to force them to trust each other in ways that usually doesn't happen without a pre-nup or an overpriced diamond ring. Superman and Wonder Woman can take on damn near anything with their strength and abilities, but this is something that requires more than that. It's a test of their wills, their hearts, and everything in between. And they can't rely on Jerry Springer to mediate the conflict.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 13: Crown of Thorns

The line between good relationships and bad relationships isn't nearly as thin as we think. Some couples put in a real, genuine effort. Others expect everyone else to put in the effort for them. In the same way Superman and Wonder Woman represent the ideals of masculinity and femininity, they also represent the ideals of functioning relationships as well. And the strength of that relationship is going to be tested in a huge way in this story. In the post-Jerry Springer era, it's rare to see functioning relationships being celebrated. But I think for these two, it's worth making an exception. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 12: Family Ties is LIVE!

I know I've probably said it before on this blog. I might have even gone on a couple of drunken rants that I can't remember. But I'm fucking sick of love triangles. I'd like to publicly state to every TV show, comic book publisher, and movie that love triangles have been done to death, so much so that they might as well fuck the corpse. There have been so many bullshit love triangles in comics that I'd prefer a bad hangover to reading about another one at this point. It already ruined the X-men movies and nearly every 90s sitcom. We don't need it ruining anything else.

I say this because when I started writing "Strangers In Paradise," I committed to avoiding having a love triangle between Superman, Lois Lane, and Wonder Woman. A story like that is like a carwash that runs on elephant piss. Nobody can go through it without smelling afterwards. That's why I made sure that there would be no love triangle here. Lois Lane has someone else she's in love with. This means Clark and Diana can pursue their relationship in peace and focus on more pressing issues, like planning romantic nights on the surface of the moon or testing the bed springs at the Fortress of Solitude. Their relationship has already started to mature and I don't need a damn love triangle to set it back. They're about to have enough problems on their hands.

This is how the second part of "Strangers In Paradise" will unfold. It took six years for Clark and Diana to come together again. Now their relationship is going to be tested in a big way. They've got the Olympians, the Amazons, and Lex Luthor working against them, plotting all sorts of ways to screw them over. It's going to test their love and their trust for one another in ways no love triangle ever could. And it begins with this chapter.

Part of that process involves Lois Lane taking on a different role. She's not going to be Superman's love interest. She's not going to be Wonder Woman's rival either. She's going to be something else entirely. Lois doesn't need to be Superman's love interest/damsel to be interesting. I'm a firm believer that she can be awesome on her own accord and that's exactly what I hope to accomplish with this chapter and future chapters, among other things.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 12: Family Ties

So if you're reading this story hoping to see Diana clash with Lois, I'm sorry to disappoint. You'll have to look elsewhere for that shit. There's a time and a place for Wonder Woman and Lois Lane to clash, but it's not going to be in this story. This story is going to focus mostly on Superman and Wonder Woman building a relationship in the midst of a fuckton of new challenges. If you're interested in that, then I think you'll have a smile on your face and a boner in your pants. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 11: Broken Dreams is LIVE!

I've noticed that for the most part, comics put a lot of effort into the story that hooks two characters up and only ever gives half the amount of fucks necessary to develop that relationship. It's like once two characters get together, everyone just shrugs and leaves it at that. Because that's exactly how it works in the real world apparently. That's all there is to this romance and love shit.

I wish there was a font for sarcasm because that would have made that last paragraph so much more meaningful. Instead, I'll just come out and say until recently, comics have sucked donkey balls at developing meaningful romance. That's why I've found the way DC has developed the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship so refreshing. They didn't just put them together. They've actually shown a little progression. Granted, that progression has been slow. But it's still world's better than some of the shit I've seen with other relationships. That's exactly what I'm trying to capture with my own Superman/Wonder Woman story.

I went to great lengths to make getting Superman and Wonder Woman together in a meaningful way. But that's not even half the story. That's an important part, but there's a lot more shit to deal with that I want to explore. Now that Clark and Diana are together, how are they going to progress? Can their relationship deal with the challenges that come? That's exactly what I'll be exploring moving forward and this latest chapter starts that process.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 11: Broken Dreams

Not every epic romance has to be built on the same misguided principles that made Twilight way more successful than it deserved to be. Good romance can emerge in a way that's balanced and compelling. It can both soak panties and evoke boners. It shouldn't be restricted to one gender or one kind of underwear. And that's what I hope to develop here with Strangers In Paradise. If I can make both genders equally horny by the end, then I'll know I've succeeded. Nuff said!

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 3: Royal Decree is LIVE!

It took way longer than I had hoped, but I'm finally ready to update "Strangers In Paradise." I know. I took way too long. For that, I apologize. There were forces beyond my control delayed my progress. I know it's not a good thing, delaying a story where I'm trying to explore uncharted territory. But I do have a good reason this time. I recently had to undergo some overdue dental surgery. The procedure had some complications, which put me in a world of pain that I still haven't fully recovered from. It was hard enough keeping up-to-date with X-men Supreme. I couldn't find the time I hoped to complete this chapter with the level of quality I wanted. I've finally recovered enough to get the job done. Now it's here.

This is set to be a very emotional chapter. I spent the entire previous chapter just establishing the chemistry between Clark and Diana. Being stuck on an island with nothing but time and youthful hormones can be a dangerous combination. They came together in a way they never could have anticipated. Now Diana's mother and sisters have uncovered her secret. It's going to lead to a very emotional and very difficult conversation that will change the course of her life and Clark's. This is a chapter that I hope is worth the wait for Superman/Wonder Woman fans.

Strangers In Paradise

Chapter 3: Royal Decree

Barring another major surgical procedure that cripples me with pain, I hope to post the next chapter much sooner. Nuff said!

Melodrama Within the Heat of Battle: Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1

The following is my review of Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

There's a time and a place to deal with personal issues. An all-out alien invasion, is not one of them. There's a reason why there aren't any crossovers between Twilight and War of the Worlds. One conflict just does not accommodate the other. It's like trying to throw a fancy dinner party and a paintball tournament at the same time. It just doesn't work. However, this is often what Superman and Wonder Woman have had to do over the course of their relationship.

Throughout this series, which has created a strong narrative around a blossoming relationship, Superman and Wonder Woman do set time aside to develop their relationship, as all healthy couples do. It has led to many strong, intimate moments in between battles against gods, aliens, and everything in between. Whereas most couples have a hard time planning their private time around work and football games, these two have to find that time when a new global threat seems to enter the picture at least twice a month. Because of this, they often have to multitask between being two of Earth's most powerful heroes and being in a mature relationship. In the Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1, their capacity to multitasking is tested in a big way and they don't necessarily pass with flying colors.

For most of the Superman/Wonder Woman series, DC's de-facto power couple have been able to achieve a consistent balance between dealing with threats and growing together as a couple. In the same way that couples who play together stay, couples who take on gods and killer aliens between date nights have more going for them than a typical Friday night fling. But threats like Doomsday, Brainiac, and Cyborg Superman are not the kind of threats that can accommodate a date night. As a result, there's a noticeable lack of balance for Superman and Wonder Woman as a couple. However, the struggle for them as individuals is still plenty compelling.

When Superman became infected with Doomsday, he became one of those problems that can't be worked out by cuddling with Wonder Woman over a candle-lit dinner at an overpriced restaurant. The struggle to control the urge to bring death to anything more complex than a bed of dead algae has been the driving force behind Superman: Doomed. It's a struggle that Superman has to fight on his own because most of it takes place within his own psyche. The persona of Doomsday and the persona of Clark Kent are constantly at odds, wrestling for control. It's like an arm-wrestling match with one of the contestants being on steroids.

This is a struggle that Wonder Woman can do little to effect. She was already able to do her part by helping Superman get off the planet and away from innocent people. But when Superman is forced to return to Earth to deal with an invasion by Brainiac and Cyborg Superman, Wonder Woman has to do even more. However, her struggle isn't as personal because the Justice League and the rest of Earth's heroes get involved as well. Even a power couple needs reinforcements at time. Love alone is not a viable defense against alien drones.

The scale of this battle is well-developed and more than appropriate in the context of the story. It would have been easy to shrug it off and assume that the heroes of the DC Universe are so used to fighting off alien invasions that it's not a story worth telling. For a story built around personal struggles, it provides a greater perspective that is easily lost in big crossover stories in the same way a chirping bird is lost at a rock concert. However, this also has the effect of limiting the collective struggle between Superman and Wonder Woman that gave so much weight to the drama in this battle.

In the midst of this global battle that involves some of DC's biggest heroes, Wonder Woman has to confront Superman again. And once again, she has to fight him while he struggles to regain control of himself. But it's a struggle that becomes secondary in wake of the many other ongoing conflicts involving Brainiac and Cyborg Superman. That's not to say the priorities aren't in order. A global invasion and a psychopathic alien intelligence definitely takes priority over personal struggles. Because of that, Wonder Woman's struggle to help her lover has a limited impact in the overall struggle. It's more a salad than a main course.

That's not to say there aren't some emotional moments in this struggle. Wonder Woman's presence definitely affects Superman's inner struggle against Doomsday. And Wonder Woman is certainly affected when she comes close to slaying Doomsday. However, these emotional moments lack significant depth. There's never that heart-wrenching, Old Yeller level struggle. The way Superman is able to assert control over Doomsday just seems too easy and too smooth. It's pretty jarring from earlier struggles in this story, many of which involved a more intimate struggle with Wonder Woman. This didn't really come off as one of those struggles that they would tell and re-tell their grandkids one day. It felt like one of those more tedious steps in a much larger conflict.

That overall conflict is still unresolved. Superman is still infected by Doomsday and the invasion by Brainiac is not over. Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1 succeeded in expanding the scope and scale of this conflict, but did little to expand upon the personal drama. It had the feel of a Superman comic more than a Superman/Wonder Woman comic. There was plenty of room for melodramatic substance, but that room was taken up by theatrical style. Overall, it helped move the Superman: Doomed narrative forward in a meaningful way, but with less emotional weight than previous entries. This is still a conflict that's going to require more than a few date nights and flower bouquets to work through, but it's not going to require extensive couple's therapy just yet.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Strangers In Paradise Chapter 2: Secrets and Deception is LIVE!

It's not easy exploring new creative territory, especially when I have so much to explore in my current creative endeavors. But part of getting better at anything involves taking a chance and exploring uncharted territory. That's what I was doing when I began pursuing my first ever Justice League story, "Strangers In Paradise." I had never written a DC Comics story, let alone one focusing on their power couple, Superman and Wonder Woman. But after seeing how this relationship unfolded in wake of Justice League #12, it's something I wanted to explore. And so far, the response has been great.

I was genuinely surprised by the good feedback I got for the first chapter of "Strangers In Paradise." Considering how much time I've dedicated to X-men and Marvel stories, I thought it would be a difficult transition. In many ways it is, but I'm glad to see that this hasn't stopped some from enjoying the story. It has me hopeful about the prospects of this story because I don't intend it to be as short as some of my other side-projects. I'm treating this as though it were a volume of X-men Supreme. Now that means updates for this story won't be as quick or as regular as X-men Supreme. This story is a side-project. X-men Supreme remains my main focus since that is the bread and butter of my creative endeavor. But I still have every intention of seeing this story through.

It has taken me a bit longer than I thought, but I have completed and posted the second chapter of "Strangers In Paradise." In the first chapter, I set the stage for Clark and Diana to meet at a point in their lives when neither of them are superheroes. Clark Kent is just starting to be Superman and Diana has not yet become Wonder Woman. Yet their paths cross by accident and despite some difficult circumstances, they forge a connection. Now in this chapter, that connection begins to blossom in a very powerful way. It will set the stage for some very heartfelt moments that Superman/Wonder Woman fans and Justice League fans in general should really enjoy.

Strangers In Paradise 

Chapter 2: Secrets and Deception

If the response for this story continues to be strong, I will try and update more regularly. For now, I work on this story whenever I can spare some time in between writing reviews and developing X-men Supreme. There's still plenty more to tell and I hope it leads to more and better awesome for everyone. Nuff said!

Scanned Thoughts: Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1

In an era of no-fault divorce, mail order brides, and cheap boob jobs, there’s a lot of incentive for people to give up on relationships. If given the option between actually working through a problem or just finding someone else who doesn’t have that problem, a majority of those people will just say, “Fuck it,” I’m done with this shit. And it’s not just out of sheer laziness, although trophy wives and burned out rock stars make that hard to believe. Some people just have problems that are too fucked up to fix with counseling and make-up sex. Human beings are often irrational, unreasonable creatures who tend to get even more irrational and unreasonable when someone else doesn’t solve their problems for them. That’s why the strongest relationships and the most epic love stories aren’t the bullshit premise of every Hugh Grant movie ever made. They’re the result of couples who take the time to work through their shit.

Superman and Wonder Woman are one of those couples that has to deal with more shit than most. Even a couple of recovering alcoholics don’t have to survive being in a nuclear explosion or dealing with asshole relatives who happen to be gods. Yet despite all the complications and all the bitching and moaning from fans claiming it’s just a gimmick for the 50 Shades of Grey crowd, they’ve found a way to make it work. Since hooking up in Justice League #12, Superman and Wonder Woman have actually put a conscious effort into developing their relationship and making it stronger. That means doing crazy things like supporting one another when shit gets tough and enduring when things go wrong. That doesn’t take someone with a PHD in psychology and gender relations to figure out, but dozens of shitty Disney movies have led us to believe that everything works itself out on its own. Well now that Superman is turning into fucking Doomsday, he and Wonder Woman can’t exactly get through this with self-help books and therapy. They need to find a way to get through this shit while being willing to beat up anyone or anything that gets in their way, which includes fending off an alien invasion. The Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1 is ground zero for this struggle and I hope other couples follow along. Maybe then they’ll understand why leaving the toilet seat up isn’t grounds for divorce.

That struggle has already reached epic levels of fucked up. Superman, still infected with Doomsday, had to leave the Earth, both because he can’t fight the urge to kill everything within a 200-mile radius and because Lex Luthor poisoned the atmosphere with Kryptonite. For once, the cold emptiness of space is a lot safer than Earth and since this is the same Earth that contains spiders, jellyfish, Donald Trump, that’s saying something. But it doesn’t stay safe for long and not because of space spiders either.

Superman end up confronting Cyborg Superman, who is like an erector set powered by a billion nuclear reactors. Yet it’s still an unfair fight because a Doomsday-powered Superman still sees it the same way most people see a wounded tarantula. The only natural instinct is to crush it and burn the entrails. Cyborg Superman tries to taunt Superman, saying that he’s got a whole fleet of fancy alien robots heading to Earth and he’s too late to stop it. He might as well told a meth head his mother is fat because even with an alien fleet of killer robots, it’s still not a fair fight. This only means Superman isn’t going to stick around to rip apart Cyborg Superman in ways that would make Charles Manson nauseous. But I imagine it’s still on his to-do list.

And Superman isn’t the only one who is going to be pissed at an alien army is heading to Earth. The Justice League usually take an interest in incoming alien invasions. This is the same league that fought off an invasion from Darkseid so they’re going to take this shit pretty seriously. Steel, who has been working with Lana Lang for most of this crossover event, give them a few warnings, but they don’t end up being necessary because the fleet ends up taking out Earth’s defense grid. While defense contractors may appreciate being paid to rebuild it, this doesn’t bode well.

But that’s not to say that Lana and Steel aren’t completely useless in warning the league. This is where it shows there has been some real, honest-to-Rao effort put into this story. Lana Lang, who is two parts Elon Musk and one part Jessica Alba in the New 52, reveals the source of the mysterious plague that knocked everyone in Smallville and Metropolis into a coma. She says the plan is to do this to the entire world, that way Brainiac’s forces don’t have to deal with these annoying humans. It’s so brilliant that it makes Darkseid’s plan look like it was organized by Andy Dick. It also shows that Lois Lane isn’t the only human woman in the DC universe who can contribute with an attitude and a great rack.

Despite having plenty of warning and details of the alien battle plan, it still couldn’t hurt to have Superman on the front lines. I know it makes for a shitty situation on all sides in that people have to choose death by Doomsday or death by alien robots. But since Doomsday has made it clear that he doesn’t use anal probes and Brainiac has shown no such assurances, I think that makes the choice pretty clear.

This still requires Clark Kent to fight for control against the influence of Doomsday. It’s a struggle that has been ongoing for most of this event. At times, it has fluctuated wildly. Clark Kent’s will-power is strong, but Doomsday is basically the Hulk on cocaine binge. Yet in some strange way, Superman ends up influencing Doomsday. It actually supports the idea of returning to Earth to protect Superman’s adopted home. That may just be because it’ll surround him with more fleshy targets, but it’s the first time that Doomsday is shown to have a personality with more depth than Al Gore.

The battle against the Brainiac invasion begins and again, there’s considerable effort at making it appropriately epic. Other members of the Justice League get involved, as anyone would expect in the face of an alien invasion. The scope and scale of the attack is nicely conveyed. It might not sound like a big deal, but in an era where refinement is only reserved for energy companies and hard liquor, it feels refreshing. It’s like a bag boy at a grocery store going out of his way to help. Few expect it these days, but it’s deeply appreciated when it happens.

When Superman arrives to the battle, the Kryptonite in the atmosphere knocks out Clark Kent and lets Doomsday give a spikey middle finger to all notions of anger management. That means Brainiac’s fleet stands no chance. They might as well be shooting at a tank battalion with marshmallow guns and stuffed kittens. It’s as satisfying as it sounds without adding chocolate and graham crackers to the mix.

The scope and scale continues to grow, giving the battle an even more epic feel. It goes beyond the Justice League, touching on skirmishes all over the world. The Teen Titans, Swamp Thing, and the Red Lantern Corps all get to play a part. And Cyborg, being the Justice League equivalent of Siri, monitors the whole thing to help give a comprehensive perspective on this battle. Again, this is way more effort than I expect. If only the post service and my cell phone carrier put this much effort into their work, I wouldn’t be waiting in line at the post office or dealing with dip-shit tech support people every other Tuesday. It shouldn’t be this overwhelmingly awesome. It shouldn’t have to be. Yet here we are and I’m not complaining, not until my cell phone service starts fucking up again anyways.

As this epic battle is going on, Steel and Lana aren’t done contributing. The alien invasion by Brainiac’s fleet is in full swing, but Cyborg Superman is nowhere to be seen. And he’s not doing the cyborg equivalent of jerking off either. He doesn’t seem to think that a global alien invasion is enough. Darkseid already did that and it’s about as trendy as crocs and ug boots. So Cyborg Superman is planning something else, which involves constructing this big ass ring on the dark side of the moon. He’s assuming the rest of the world is distracted with the whole alien invasion and it’s not an unreasonable assumption. Lana and Steel know this and understand they can’t expect anyone to lend a hand when they’re fighting off alien rectal probes. So they have to be the ones to deal with this. It’s a pretty woman and a badass black guy in a steel suit. That sounds like both a fair fight and an awesome porno.

It’s just another in many other awesome fights that continue to unfold. Doomsday is certainly enjoying himself, having both killer alien robots and a planet full of fragile, squishy life to maim. But when he starts to have a little too much fun, Clark Kent tries to fight back to keep him from going on a Hulk-style rampage. Keep in mind, he’s trying to do this while the whole planet is shrouded in Kryptonite gas. He really shouldn’t have the strength to fight back against someone like Doomsday, let alone stop himself from vomiting uncontrollably like a teenage boy sitting through a Twilight marathon.

Now I know Superman is all about strength, will-power, and accomplishing the impossible, but this is starting to push it. The first time the kryptonite came into effect, he went down faster than Jenna Jameson at a dildo factory. Now he’s up and fighting again, surrounded by kryptonite and going up against someone like Doomsday? I’m all for rooting for the underdog, but not when it’s this unrealistic. It’s like rooting for the Mighty Ducks against a team of Canadian ninjas.

To be fair, it’s not a struggle that Superman is able to win. He slows Doomsday down, but he doesn’t overcome him. If he did, then that would be too unbelievable even for Superman. This is the point where he needs help from a beautiful woman like Wonder Woman. This is supposed to be their book anyways, even if it is a tie-in. This is one of those struggles that a couple needs to work out together. Granted, this isn’t one of those anger management issues that can be addressed through counseling and appearances on Dr. Phil. But they’ve been helping each other and supporting each other since their relationship began. Why should it be any different when one of them is possessed by an alien killing machine and the other happens to be the God of War? It’s certainly a more reasonable fight than who left the toilet seat up.

While I’m sure the Lois Lanes of the world want to cook up some popcorn and jerk off to a Superman/Wonder Woman fight, this struggle ends up being secondary. There’s still the matter of an alien invasion and a secret plot by Cyborg Superman. That doesn’t mean the Superman/Wonder Woman battle should be secondary. As I said, this is still their fucking book. But it’s still part of a larger crossover event so the melodrama that has soaked the panties of many Superman/Wonder Woman fans in this series has to wait.

Steel and Lana Lang are still caught up in a fight that might end up being more important than any lover’s spat or alien invasion because they’re trying to stop Cyborg Superman from dumping napalm onto the fire. Steel tries to slow him down, but even he knows it’s not a fair fight. A man in a steel suit is not going to measure up to a cyborg Superman in the same way 12-year-old with boxing gloves is not going to measure up against a hungry polar bear. Even Lana knows this and she’s able to make it a fair fight, getting in a few shots with the ship and showing that she has bigger balls than most men could ever boast to having.

As badass as Lana Lang is, she still manages to get herself shot out of the sky. Cyborg Superman doesn’t just shake off cheap shots. It forces Steel to abandon this horribly unfair fight and rescue her from the ship. It’s incredibly heroic and all, a guy rescuing a pretty girl who just saved his ass. But it still leaves Cyborg Superman intact and probably laughing his ass off. To be fair, they were overmatched and had nobody to call. Yet that didn’t stop them from being as badass as the situation allowed them to be. Most would have started playing games on their phone and waited for Batman to solve the problem. These two actually made the effort and for that, they deserve a shot of tequila and a bong hit.

The fight against Doomsday Superman and God of War Wonder Woman is a bit more balanced, but not in the same way. This is the battle that has the most drama, an out-of-control Superman against a beautiful woman who’s desperate to save him. This the battle that’s supposed to soak the most panties and trigger the biggest boners. Clark Kent is losing his struggle to regain control and Wonder Woman is running out of time because Doomsday is ready to start using innocent people as chewing gum. At this point, the only way to stop him is to treat him like a zombie in a Resident Evil game and go for a headshot. And only Wonder Woman has the hand cannon to do it.

It’s a moment that should be very emotion. However, it’s somewhat rushed. Wonder Woman does plead with Superman to regain control so she doesn’t have to give him the Marie Antoinette treatment. It just doesn’t feel as dramatic as it could have been. Compared to the effort and details put into every other part of the story, it feels sub-par. If it were a math test in high school, it would get a C-plus. It’s still a passing grade, but not as great as it could be. I don’t mean to channel like my bitchy old algebra teacher, but I hold stories of this scale to a higher standard.

In the end, Wonder Woman’s pleas aren’t the deciding factor. It’s actually Batman’s doing, of course. I know some Superman fans will bang their heads against the wall for this, but his role is important here because he finds a way to remove the kryptonite cloud from the air. That means Clark Kent is no longer weakened and incredibly pissed off because Doomsday was hurting his girlfriend. It allows him to regain control so Wonder Woman doesn’t have to resort to a head shot. Again, it could have made for a much more dramatic moment than it turned out to be. It didn’t fail, but it didn’t pass with flying colors either.

It still helps that plenty of effort is put into conveying the scope and scale of this battle. We get another big-picture look at the overall struggle. Cyborg reports that heroes on multiple fronts are beating back the alien invaders in a way that would make an awesome Independence Day sequel. And with Superman regaining control, it seems the tide for the battle has finally turned. It’s still not over. Superman and Wonder Woman aren’t quite yet ready to get to the makeup sex just yet, but they’re a bit closer now.

Unfortunately, they’re not as close as they think. The battle on Earth might be won, but Cyborg Superman didn’t seem to give three hundredths of a shit about that battle. He was busy working on that big cosmic ring behind the moon. Once Steel and Lana left the battle, he finally had a chance to reveal what it was for. Turns out, it wasn’t meant to be a cock ring for Ron Jeremy. It was meant to be a planetary sized boom tube to allow a planetary sized monster through. I’m not sure what kind of monster this is. But it’s the size of a planet and it looks like a cross between a squid, a tarantula, and the Terminator. I think I’ll just skip the part where I guess and go right to shitting myself.

There were plenty of epic struggles in this issue. We had an alien invasion from Brainiac, a plot from Cyborg Superman, and Doomsday attempting to overwhelm Superman yet again. All these struggles were presented on a global scale that was richly detailed and gushing with awesome on so many levels. However, there were a few levels of awesome missing from the mix. One of the greatest strengths of the Superman Doomed arc has been its ability to inject sincere personal drama into a plot that involves spikey gray Hulk wannabe fighting the urge to sterilize all life from everywhere within a 200 mile radius. The personal struggle with Clark Kent trying to fight the influence of Doomsday along with Wonder Woman doing everything she can to help him in that struggle has made this event both compelling and epic.

However, that greatest strength might as well have been a watered down shot of light beer in this issue because it played only a minor role in the overall global struggle that emerged. Now it helps that this global struggle was very well-developed and very epic in its own right. However, that lack of dramatic impact is very noticeable. There’s not the same sense of emotional struggle that there was before, which makes the issue feel somewhat unbalanced. It’s not unbalanced to the point where it needs a high dose of lithium and shot of Valium to settle down, but it’s still noticeable enough for a drunk. I give the Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1 a 7 out of 10. It has a lot of great shit going for it. It’s just not the same shit that made this event so compelling to begin with. I’m all for a diversity of awesome. But when it gets to a point where it can only be consumed while sober, I think that defeats the purpose in some respects. Nuff said!