Gloriously Destructive Deconstruction: Batman: White Knight #6

The following is my review of Batman: White Knight #6, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

There comes a point in a long-standing conflict where the mental and physical strain that keeps it going becomes too much to bear. It usually occurs beyond the point where either side has a chance to claim victory. At this stage, the only goal is survival, although that doesn't always entail surviving intact. Given how long Batman and the Joker have been clashing with one another, spanning deaths, resurrections, and retcons, it's surprising they haven't reached this stage sooner.

To some extent, Batman avoids this stage with all his villains. A big part of his efforts to protect Gotham and stop criminals like the Joker involves stopping them before they reach the point where justice becomes a moot point. The Joker just makes that harder than most because he goes out of his way to push Batman and everything he stands for to the absolute limit. For decades, Batman exercises superhuman discipline in avoiding the Joker's traps. That discipline finally falters in Batman: White Knight and the consequences have been both revealing and compelling.

Sean Murphy and Matt Hollingsworth take Batman into uncharted territory, using a sane Joker to deconstruct the very principles that make Batman who he is. As a homicidal clown, Batman is able to fight the Joker's challenges directly with his long list of skills and gadgets. As Jack Napier, though, even those resources aren't enough. Since regaining his sanity in Batman: White Knight #1, Napier keeps hitting Batman in ways that no exploding whoopee cushion can ever match.

The GCPD turns against him. The public turns against him. Even his own family turns on him with Nightwing and Batgirl leaving him to join Napier's new initiative. It's not just a deconstruction of Batman's principles. It's utterly destroys all the systems and support structures that once allowed him to function. Now, Batman is no longer the savior of Gotham. He's part of the problem and Napier presents himself as the solution. In Batman: White Knight #6, they enter more uncharted territory.

Part of that story is a culmination of the process that begins in Batman: White Knight #1 with Jack Napier setting out to destroy Batman and everything he stands for. Having convinced everyone he's right and Batman is wrong, Napier leads an effort to arrest him. That effort includes some of Batman's greatest defenders, including Jim Gordon. They go along with Napier's plan, but they make clear that they hate every minute of it.

That's an important component of the unique narrative presented in Batman: White Knight. This isn't about Batman's friends and allies being brainwashed, either by the Mad Hatter or some elaborate media conspiracy. They watch what Jack Napier does and listen to what he says. He doesn't force them to agree with him. He doesn't poison them with laughing gas when they disagree either. He just puts them in a situation where they cannot escape the truth.

Characters like Jim Gordon, Nightwing, and Batgirl hate every second of it. They fight it every step of the way, but they cannot get around the implications of Napier's agenda. He gives them too many reasons to go along with him and Batman keeps giving them too few. The consequences of losing that support play out in a way that feels tragic, but predictable in Batman: White Knight #6.

For once, Batman's incredible skill, strength, and endurance aren't enough. It's one thing to escape one of the Joker's elaborate death traps. It's quite another to stand against those he considers his closest allies when they're not brainwashed. Batman does not at all come off as Batman. He comes off as someone who just can't be the same hero without all the support systems that allow him to operate. It shows that Batman is only as capable as the allies around him.

He almost comes off as inept in how he falls into Napier's trap, which feels pretty out of character for Batman. Even with the loss of some of his closest allies, he doesn't show the same mental toughness as someone who can battle Ra's Al Ghul, Killer Croc, and Poison Ivy in the same day and still keep his sanity. Some of that feels like a direct effect of Napier turning the world against him. Some of it just comes off as Batman faltering when he doesn't falter.

This part of the narrative, with Napier finally subduing Batman alongside the GCPD, contains some of the most dramatic moments of the story to date. The other part of the narrative, which involves Napier responding to a threat from the less sane, more obsessive Harley Quinn that has been running around since he regained his sanity. It's a threat that has been unfolding behind the scenes of previous issues, but unfolds just as Batman succumbs to Napier's agenda.

While this moves the story forward, it somewhat detracts from the drama surrounding Batman finally losing to the Joker. As soon as Batman goes down, he seems to lose his relevance in Napier's ongoing story, which now faces a different kind of challenge. In a sense, turning people against Batman and bringing him in is the easy part. Now, Napier has to actually demonstrate that he's right, Batman was wrong, and he can deliver where Batman failed.

It's the final step in the total deconstruction of Batman. Napier knows on some levels that even if he succeeds in taking Batman down, he'll only end up vindicating Batman if Gotham cannot handle threats that involve villains in clown makeup and giant freeze rays without him. In fact, he may end up empowering Batman even more if he shows he cannot deliver. It's a stressful situation for someone whose sanity is always in question. His ability to handle that situation remains uncertain, even with his sanity intact.

In a sense, Batman: White Knight #6 encompasses two distinct stories. One is the culmination of Batman's world collapsing around him and the other is a setup for Napier's ultimate test. One is heavy on drama, but the other somewhat distracts from that drama. It still makes for a powerful, compelling narrative that undercuts Batman's core identity. Some of that narrative, however, gets undercut by Napier's own evolving conflicts.

The ending still provides compelling insights that hint at the growing instability of Jack Napier's efforts. He's succeeding in his efforts to ultimately defeat Batman, but it's not without complications and for once, those complications don't involve a shortage of clown makeup or exploding cupcakes. Whether or not Jack Napier can succeed where Batman fails will prove whether such deconstruction is ultimately good for Gotham or just another bad joke.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Jokes And Harsh Truths: Batman: White Knight #4

The following is my review of Batman: White Knight #4, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

If any competent therapist were to sit down with most superheroes not named Superman, then it's very likely they would diagnose them with some form of mental illness, be it a chemical imbalance or personality disorder. It says something about the persona of superheroes that part of what makes them who they are requires some sort of psychological aberration that drives them to do what they do.

While some heroes carry themselves better than others, it's hard to argue that Batman is the picture of mental health. So much of what he does and why he does it is built around the trauma he experiences as a child. In a sense, Bruce Wayne is the mask he wears in that it hides just how tortured he is by that trauma. Batman is his true persona and no licensed therapist would dare call that healthy. It's one of those unspoken truths that often hides within the Batman narrative. Part of what makes the Joker his greatest enemy is his efforts to expose why pretending he's sane is the greatest joke of all.

That's exactly what makes the premise of Batman: White Knight so intriguing. Sean Murphy and Matt Hollingsworth skip the part where they try to find a novel way for the Joker to poke Batman beyond the strict limits he imposes upon himself. Instead, they remove the limits that hold the Joker back, treating his insanity as a barrier similar to the ones on Batman. Absent those barriers, he becomes something far more menacing than a clown armed with exploding whoopee cushions.

Without his insanity, the Joker becomes a threat unlike anything Batman has ever faced before. He's no longer out to just expose his efforts as one elaborate joke. He's out to subvert the entire concept of Batman. Batman: White Knight #4 acts as an indictment of how both Batman and the Gotham City Police operate. In a sense, by being sane, the Joker makes it abundantly obvious just how much of a joke those operations are in practice.

Joke or not, nobody is laughing and that's exactly what makes the narrative so compelling. The Joker, now operating as a public advocate in Jack Napier, uses the same charisma that gets henchmen to wear clown makeup to rally support from the media and the population. What he does is devious, but not in the sense of pumping laughing gas into a crowded warehouse. Rather than make people laugh with hard truths, Jack Napier shoves the truth in everyone's face in a way they can't ignore.

It's haunting in its effectiveness. It comes off as something that could very well play out in the real world, minus the costumed villains and exploding pies. Conceptually, Gotham City has always been a metaphor for a troubled city plagued by crime and corruption, but the only method for confronting those troubles comes from Batman. Jack Napier dares to offer an alternative, one that brings to light the inherent flaws in Batman's approach.

It doesn't help that Batman ends up playing into Napier's hands throughout the course of Batman: White Knight #4. His reactions come off as self-destructive at times, which is understandable given the complications Bruce Wayne is dealing with outside the mask. There's a sense that the trauma that drives Batman is finally catching up with him. Jack Napier is just accelerating the process by putting him in the worst possible situation and without even cracking an insidious smile.

Napier doesn't just go after Batman's principles and sanity. He even goes after his support structure within the Batman family. He does what few have dared to do and offer an alternative to simply letting Batman operate freely with no accountability or oversight. He actually makes an offer to Nightwing and Batgirl that's both intriguing and practical. He doesn't just try to undermine Batman. He tries to one-up him by doing what he's trying to do, but more effectively. That ends up making any effort on Batman's part to cling to his old approach an even bigger joke.

That, in many ways, is the most brilliant part of Jack Napier's plan. He's still doing what the Joker has been attempting to do for years, but without the clown makeup and insane plans that involve exploding novelty gags. He's trying to expose Batman and the injustice around him as a joke and it's working with terrifying efficiency. Nobody is laughing, but there's still plenty of intrigue.

That's not to say everything Jack Napier does in Batman: White Knight #4 goes flawlessly. He does encounter complications, as anyone operating in Gotham City would expect. There are still deranged criminals running around and not all of them wear clown makeup. With or without Batman, these are problems that nobody can ignore for too long, even a reformed Joker. However, the way he handles it is a testament to just how charismatic he can be, even without the makeup.

With every issue of Batman: White Knight, Batman's credibility crumbles and Jack Napier's efforts make more and more sense. Batman: White Knight #4 makes clear that these two personalities cannot coexist, regardless of how sane or insane one of them is. At some point, one of them has to fall and every conceivable force is now working against Batman.

The conclusion of Batman: White Knight #4 opens the door even more distressing truths that will strike Batman to his core. With every truth, what Bruce Wayne does and why he does it becomes less a joke and more a tragedy. The extent of that tragedy, of which much of Batman's motivation is built from, is entering new and distressing territory with Batman: White Knight.

However distressing it may be, the implications are both compelling and revealing. If a superhero's greatest villain can expose the serious flaws in their approach for seeking justice, then what does that say about superheroes in general? It's not an easy question to ask in the first place, but Batman: White Knight's attempt at answering it offers some dark possibilities.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

The Joke's On Batman: Batman White Knight #1

The following is my review of Batman White Knight #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Between Marvel and DC Comics, there's a significant glut of alternate universes, alternate versions, and blatant rip-offs of various characters. When a character becomes as successful and iconic as Batman, it's somewhat unavoidable. For every iconic hero, there are a hundred more that are as much an afterthought as a typical storm trooper on Star Wars. For that same hero, there are plenty of other versions that attempt to milk the success of that icon to the utmost and beyond.

Batman is no stranger to derivations and alterations. Some, such as Terry McGuinness from Batman Beyond, find a way to be successful. Others turn into gimmicks, at best. However, none can every claim to have tried something as bold as Sean Murphy tries in Batman: White Knight #1. This story doesn't just tweak the winning formula that has made Batman so successful over the past 70 years. It turns it on its head, inside out, and everything in between.

Murphy dares to invert one of the most fundamental conflicts in the Batman mythos, namely that between him and the Joker. This struggle, which dates back to the earliest days of Batman, is the conflict that most defines him. His pursuit of justice is an unstoppable force, but the Joker's maniacal chaos is an immovable object. For decades, neither one of them seems able to subvert the other. Murphy decides to take that conflict a step further, so much so that changes the rules of the conflict entirely.

It's a concept that can either break new ground or collapse on itself. Batman: White Knight #1 walks a fine line with that concept, attempting to flesh it out without the aid of time paradoxes, lazarus pits, or meddling by Dr. Manhattan. When dealing with someone as deranged as the Joker, that counts as an accomplishment. However, by the end of the issue, it's not the Joker that seems deranged. It's Batman and that counts as an even greater accomplishment.

Murphy doesn't necessarily deconstruct Batman. He isn't driven crazy, broken spiritually, or manipulated with some elaborate mind game. Instead, the Joker simply puts himself in a position to point out the glaring flaws in how Batman conducts himself. It goes beyond any arguments around justice, chaos, or the comedic value of clowns. He dares to stand up to Batman and tell him, flat out, that he's the crazy one. He's the one who does far more damage to Gotham than any maniacal clown ever could.

It's a strange, but compelling argument. On paper, it doesn't check every box, but it's hard to overlook the signs. Batman is, as the Joker puts it, a catalyst for the crime and injustice that he claims to fight against. He doesn't see his efforts to fight criminals as an effort to improve Gotham. He sees it as some selfish ploy by Batman to fix a soul that was broken before the Joker ever introduced anyone to exploding pies. While he doesn't put too much substance behind the argument, it does highlight some glaring issues with Batman that even his most ardent defenders can't deny.

That argument makes the narrative of Batman: White Knight #1 engaging and nuanced. It comes off as a necessary and overdue criticism, of sorts, for Batman's methods and the extent to which the Gotham Police tolerate it. Beyond that argument, though, the particulars are somewhat underdeveloped. There are more than a couple contrivances that get squeezed into the story to make it work, primarily the method Batman uses to render the Joker sane enough to make these arguments in the first place. It's not the same as another chemical bath or a trick by Mr. Mxyzptlk, but it's not far off.

The ease with which the Joker tempts Batman and the apparent lack of effort Batman puts into resisting that temptation comes off as shallow. The complexities of Batman that are almost always on full display seem muted. While there is some context to Batman's shortsightedness, it relies too much on making excuses for his attitude rather than actually countering the Joker's arguments. The fact it's an excuse ripped from the Batman and Robin movie doesn't help either.

In addition, Batman: White Knight #1 doesn't attempt to flesh out the mystery surrounding the Joker's backstory, which has been a key element to his character since the days of Alan Moore. It essentially removes the mystery, giving the Joker a name, a method, and an identity behind the clown makeup. There's no shocking revelation or cosmic insight from the Mobius Chair. It's presented as something that could easily be gleaned from a quick Wikipedia search.

In some respects, though, removing the Joker's mystery is necessary for the story. It's the only way for him to really counter Batman on a personal and philosophical level. Once the clown makeup comes off, he somehow becomes more daunting because he no longer has insanity holding him back. Instead, he becomes a man who exposes the lies, jokes, and frauds without laughing at them. Take away that twisted sense of humor and it's not clear whether he's a villain or a hero at this point.

That's the greatest appeal of Batman: White Knight #1. It presents Batman with an existential crisis that doesn't involve deadly novelty gags, crippling close friends, or corrupting innocent souls. It calls into question the methods and justifications he puts into being Batman, as well as the price that others pay for his actions. In a sense, nobody has ever been either crazy or sane enough to attack Batman on this level. It's only fitting that the one person capable of that feat is the Joker.


Final Score: 7 out of 10

Sights and Sentiments from New York Comic Con 2016

It's that magical time of year again! That's right, it's time for the New York Comic Con! It's that wonderful event that those of us too poor/cheap to go to San Diego celebrate once a year. It's like Christmas for comic book geeks and while I can't always say I've been a good boy, it always feels like I get more presents than I deserve at NYCC.

This was a great year for so many reasons. Granted, it comes amidst tough times for X-men fans and Fantastic Four fans. I've documented just how much it sucks to be X-men and F4 fans in my various drunken reviews, but that didn't stop plenty of fans from dressing up as X-men and F4 characters. Even the power of Fox and Disney's lawyers can only go so far.

I even dressed up, albeit not in an overly-elaborate costume. I'm pretty sure I'd have done just as well pretending to be Mystique in disguise. It didn't matter to me though. I still got to sit in on some panels, meet up with some cos-players, and get a few autographs from my favorite writers, including the legend himself, Chris motherfucking Claremont. That alone made the trip awesome.

What made it even more awesome though was one simple observation. While there were plenty of X-men costumes to go around, you know who I didn't see? Any non-Kamala Khan costumes of the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners (also known as the Inhumans, but that title is a very poor depiction of just who and what they are). That's right. There were more Squirrel Girl and Booster Gold cos-players than there were for the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. How sad/awesome is that?

By and large, there were fucktons of Deadpool and Harley Quinn costumes. Hell, those two are always popular, but their movies this year just inspired even more dedication. It was so much fun to see, especially for Deadpool. I think Ryan Reynolds would've shed tears of joy.

So by that measure, I'd say the NYCC is a win for the X-men and a loss for the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. Hell, someone actually booed the big green fart cloud that's killing mutants at one of the panels. This motherfucker is my new hero and should be a hero to X-men fans everywhere. Whoever you are, I owe you a fuckton of beer!

There was so much to do and I only had a single fucking day pass. I hope to get more than that next year, but that didn't keep me from having a damn good time this year. Below are some of the moments I captured during this wonderful experience.

The first thing I saw when I came in. I was giddier than a school-girl on crack.

Gal Gadot's costume for the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. I could practically smell the awesome, among other things.

He is Groot. Nuff said!

Supergirl made out of Legos. Again, nuff said!

Deadpool and Hello Kitty. Further proof that Deadpool can be mixed with anything.

One of the MANY Harley Quinn cos-players. Bless their twisted hearts.

Sucks to be a Cyclops fan, but there are still those who carry on.

Been a tough year for Dr. Doom. Josh Trank gives him plenty of motivation to ensure that Infamous Iron Man is awesome.

There's always a place for the classics.

Stranger Things stole the show for all the right reasons. It's one of the few times where men and women wearing the same dress is entirely appropriate.

Powerful forms of Power Ranger artwork everywhere.

The man, the myth, the legend himself! Chris motherfucking Claremont after he signed my copy of Days of Future Past. Awesome guy. He seems to keep getting more awesome with age.

The dedication of cos-players never ceases to astonish me.

Don't know what this is. I just know it's awesome.

Punk rock Spider-Man. It's as awesome as it sounds.

Bruce Timm would be so proud. And probably a little horny.

X-23. Deadly, awesome, and carrying on Logan's legacy.

Ms. Marvel embodies everything the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners are NOT.

So many Deadpools. So many forms. So much awesome.

That's someone's actual costume. No bullshit. Give this guy a fucking medal and a hooker!

Chef from South Park had more representation than the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. Nuff said!

Darth Vader fighting a dinosaur. Where else are you going to see something THIS awesome?

Still the greatest F4 movie ever made.

The ultimate Deadpool centerpiece. Pretty sure Ryan Reynolds has this in his living room.

So much pretty, sexy artwork.

Super Sayin for the ladies. Ladies libido now over 9000!

Video games, comics, movies. It doesn't matter. If there's a costume to be made, you'll find it here.

Ninjas and anime love a plenty!

Suicide Squad may have pissed off critics, but fans loved it enough to make costumes out of that. Take THAT Rotten Tomatoes!

Cyclops and Jean Grey are still popular among couples. Suck it Grant Morrison!

Supergirl was well-represented. Melissa Benoist would've been proud.

Had to have been hot in this costume. Just saying.

Crowds upon crowds of nerds. I felt right at home!

Good thing it didn't get too cold. This girl would've had problems.

You gotta admire the fans who make the extra effort.

Captain Marvel and the Carol Corps definitely had a presence this year.

So there you have it! That's a brief glimpse into the festivities of New York Comic Con 2016 through the eyes of a drunk. It's as much fun as it looks and sounds. I highly recommend every self-respecting comic book fan attend at least once in their lifetime. I'm convinced that I'll meet my future wife/ex-wife at one of these conventions. It wasn't this one, but I'm certainly open to the possibility. She'll probably be dressed as Wonder Woman, Jean Grey, Mystique, or Power Girl.

Equals in an Unequal Struggle: Superman/Wonder Woman #19

The following is my review of Superman/Wonder Woman #19, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When things are good, every relationship feels like the opening theme to a 90s sitcom. It’s all smiles, laughter, and terrible music from the Hootie and Blowfish type bands. Even Tina and Ike Turner probably had their good days. It’s only when things get bad that we find out which couples are the Waldens and which couple are the Bundies.

Since DC decided to do the most obvious romantic pairing since Mulder and Scully in the X-Files, the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship has evolved in an astoundingly mature way. There was no beating around the bush, Ross and Rachel style. There was no drawn out melodrama that every reality show ever has tried to capture. Superman and Wonder Woman just came together, embraced the opportunity, and actually made the effort to create a functioning relationship.

In fact, they’ve put more effort into their relationship than every couple that ever got together in 90210. They’ve gotten to a point where they truly carried themselves as equals, making complementing their strengths and confronting their weaknesses. They’re not defined by their romance, but they are better because of it.

Now, Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship is being tested in a way that even the worst romantic comedy has never attempted. Superman’s identity has been exposed. His powers have been severely curtailed. On top of that, someone is intent on destroying the ruins of Clark Kent’s life and spitting on the ashes. If ever he needed the support of his girlfriend, it’s now. If ever there was a hardship for a relationship, this is right up there with a weekend at the in-laws.

Superman/Wonder Woman #19 puts Wonder Woman at ground zero of the ongoing effort to make her lover miserable. She doesn’t have to be part of this fight, but she chooses to be part of it because she cares about her lover just that much. In doing so, we get a story with an engaging, dramatic narrative that never feels overly dramatic. There’s no part of this situation that’s ideal for either Superman or Wonder Woman, but that’s exactly what makes the drama meaningful.

They’ve already had a decidedly bad day since showing up in Smallville. They arrived to investigate the disappearance of its people, which includes Superman’s old flame, Lana Lang. That day gets even worse when they encounter the Suicide Squad. At this point, a tornado and a string of outdated Wizard of Oz jokes would have been less frustrating. It leads to a fairly basic clash that nobody is going to mistake for a war with Darkseid, but it still creates some meaningful moments.

In any other circumstances, this is the kind of fight that Superman and Wonder Woman could brush aside in the same way Bill Gates brushes aside a check from Applebees. But with Superman’s powers being limited, the battle takes on a much more urgent tone. He can’t just cough in a way that’ll blow Black Manta, Harley Quinn, and Deadshot into the next County. He has to get his hands dirty and take a few bullets. It forces Superman to be less upstanding than usual, carrying himself like a hung over Rocky Balboa at times. But it doesn’t stop him from being Superman.

This also doesn’t stop Wonder Woman from being the warrior and lover she’s always been. She’s used to protecting those weaker than her, but she’s probably not used to Superman being among them. Even so, the battle never becomes like an inverted version of Super Mario. She doesn’t have to be his hero. She just has to keep being his lover. She fights by his side, not in his place. It may not make for a good Nintendo game, but it does reveal a mature and evolving relationship.

Beyond their relationship, there’s also a compelling story unfolding behind the scenes. During the battle against the Suicide Squad, we find out that they’re not responsible for the disappearances of the people in Smallville. That means even the Amanda Wallers in the government are clueless as well. It further deepens the mystery. It’s not as simple as Lex Luthor attempting to troll Superman in the worst possible way. There are other forces at work here.

We get some hints as to who might behind this, but not nearly enough. We can only confirm at this point that whoever is behind this, they’re not done tormenting Superman. And for some reason, they think it’s a good idea to mess with a very irritated Superman, who also happens to be Wonder Woman’s boyfriend. Ignoring the death wish behind this plot, it raises a few intriguing questions that warrant further exploration.

It’s also at this point where another important aspect of Superman and Wonder Woman’s relationship is exposed. While Wonder Woman doesn’t have to save Superman in the Princess Peach tradition, she still has to treat him when he gets wounded. She also makes it clear that his vulnerability worries her, as it probably should for any caring lover. It makes for a tender moment, but it never becomes too much like a Greys Anatomy sub-plot. Superman doesn’t let it.

Instead, he makes it clear that he doesn’t want Wonder Woman to change how she goes about being Wonder Woman. He does the exact opposite of what the majority of love stories in Disney movies do, telling his lover to not change who she is or how she lives her life. It may be jarring to those used to seeing women upend their lives for a handsome man or men doing the same for a beautiful woman, but that’s what helps set Superman and Wonder Woman apart. It is truly a relationship of equals.

That mutual trust and shared struggle is what makes Superman/Wonder Woman #19 feel like another important step in the development of this relationship. They’ve shared major battles together. They’ve shared the frustrations of being on the same team as Batman together. Now, they’re sharing each other’s personal struggles and even when one of them is weak, it still feels like a relationship among equals. That sort of thing is difficult to find in an era of radical feminism, men’s rights activists, and Kardashian marriages. But that’s exactly what makes it so meaningful.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Scanned Thoughts: Superman/Wonder Woman #19

What is true love? My grandfather said true love is being able to throw up in a toilet while your lover holds your hair and sings to you. My ex-girlfriends would disagree, but I'm convinced that some of them don't know the difference between true love and having an neutered dog. This is a debate that has baffled philosophers, emperors, and shitty movies for ages. I sure as hell can't debate this kind of shit when I'm overly sober, but I can at least accept one argument. We know love when we see it.

And right now, anyone who doesn't have a raging hard-on for Lois Lane has to say that the Superman/Wonder Woman relationship is the kind of love that would make a guy like me quit drinking. They're a relationship of equals. Their not defined by their love for each other. They're made stronger and happier because of it. They actually go out of their way to work on their relationship to make it better. Hell, I couldn't get my last girlfriend to order a fucking pizza for me. Superman and Wonder Woman have shown what it takes to make love work.

Now, they're showing what happens when a special breed of asshole goes out of their way to make someone's life miserable. Superman's identity has been exposed. And since it's not enough that he can't live the life he worked so hard to maintain, someone has to go out of his way to desecrate his old home in Smallville. Outside Game of Thrones, there aren't many people who can claim to be that cruel. Someone wants to torment Clark Kent and Diana Prince is ready to stand by her man. That's what makes the setup for Superman/Wonder Woman #19 so intriguing. It also reminds me that true love and navigating shit storms aren't a mutually exclusive process.

I'm not sure what category shit storm that fighting the Suicide Squad in a graveyard falls under, but I imagine it's the kind that would get most people to board up their houses and stock up on duct tape. Superman and Wonder Woman have been investigating a distress call from Superman's old gal pal, Lana Lang. That distress call has revealed that someone has gone to great lengths to troll Superman in the worst possible way. Even the 4chan crowd would be impressed. Now, the Suicide Squad shows up to make Superman even more miserable. I'm not sure this counts as rubbing kryptonite laced salt in the wound, but it damn well ought to.

Under traditional circumstances, a fight between the Suicide Squad and the collective muscle of Superman and Wonder Woman wouldn't be fair. Hell, it's a fight that would be over the moment Superman and Wonder Woman got bored, tired, or horny. But Superman is not at full strength. He's vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. That makes the fight a bit more fair, but he still has Wonder Woman on his side so it's still more lopsided than a drinking contest between a Mormon and a Kennedy.

Fair or not, it still makes for a much more visceral battle. It's not as epic as a clash with Darkseid or Zod would be, but it's still pretty satisfying. Wonder Woman takes on the heavy hitters like Reverse Flash. Superman takes on the dipshits who still think shooting him will solve their problems. Even in his weakened form, he's got to be rolling his eyes. But these aren't typical Bond villain henchmen. They're the Suicide Squad. They have some personality in addition to their personality disorders. So there's plenty of entertainment value, as is often the case whenever Harley Quinn gets involved.

Entertaining aside, there's still one burning question that semi-sober minds are probably asking. Why the fuck would the Suicide Squad attack Superman in the first place? Who honestly thought it was a good idea to attack Wonder Woman's man? I don't know what kind of drugs would make someone think that shit, but even I wouldn't try them.

Wonder Woman makes sure she gets that point across, even to demented minds like Harley Quinn. But this question becomes somewhat moot while Superman is battling Black Manta. During their struggle, he reveals something intriguing. As sane as it sounds, the Suicide Squad's mission didn't involve fucking with Superman and Wonder Woman. They arrived in Smallville because others have noted some crazy shit going on. That means they didn't kick up this shit storm. They just got sent into it.

This adds another layer to the mystery and one that adds a new dimension to Superman's ongoing identity issue. Before his identity got exposed, most people probably couldn't find Smallville on a map, let alone think anything more remarkable than a pie-eating contest would occur. Now that everyone knows it's Clark Kent's hometown, it's attracting all the wrong kinds of attention and that includes the Suicide Squad. It's another testament to just how fucked Superman is in a world where he has no secret identity anymore.

Intrigue or not, the Suicide Squad isn't passing up an opportunity to rough up Superman when he's vulnerable. They might have had a chance to succeed if Wonder Woman hadn't been with him. But she is so they're more fucked than a Greek bank's credit rating. That's not to say Superman still doesn't show some grit. While Wonder Woman protects him from Deadshot's onslaught, he goes out of his way to really fuck up Black Manta. He doesn't try to be nice and friendly about it either. He's still Superman, but he's a Superman in a foul mood. He won't murder Black Manta, but he will make him wish he was dead and sometimes that's just as heroic.

The battle finally ends and as satisfying as it might be to rough up the Suicide Squad, they still need answers. And as it just so happens, Superman left Black Manta conscious. I'm sure he still wishes he were dead, but that just means it sucks even more to be him. He reiterates that the Suicide Squad had nothing to do with the disappearances. They're investigating it too and since this happens to be the hometown of Superman, sending a team of deranged villains just felt right. It still leaves Superman pretty pissed off, but it helps deepen the mystery.

For some, however, they couldn't give three tenths of a fuck about mystery. They have a chance to kick Superman when he's down and fuck, they're going to take it. That's exactly what Deadshot does, who they also left conscious. Superman and Wonder Woman probably regret being so merciful, especially Superman because he ends up getting a full-fledged bullet massage. It doesn't kill him, but just as he did with Black Manta, it makes him wish he were dead.

It's not the worst blow Superman has ever taken by a long shot. It's still probably more of an annoyance on par with a mild rectal itch. But it's a moment that once again reinforces just how vulnerable Superman is right now. He's still strong enough to take a bullet, but now they don't just bounce off him. Now they actually fucking hurt. I imagine it's a lot harder to stand for truth, justice, and the American way when you're sore as fuck, but that's why he's Superman.

And Wonder Woman is still his lover so Deadshot just ensured he'll need to be dry humping morphine for the next three weeks. She does a reverse Princess Peach and limits Superman's soreness as best she could. She also makes damn sure that Deadshot will be way more sore for the foreseeable future. It's yet another mark of genuine love. One person fucks with their lover, that person gets fucked up as a result. It's simple, genuine, romantic, and even a little violent, but in the best possible way. It's not the kind of shit that'll ever show up in a romantic comedy and that's exactly what makes it so satisfying.

What makes it even more satisfying is how Wonder Woman rushes to his aid. But she doesn't try to prop him up and baby him. She's his girlfriend, not his mother. He's sore and wounded, but at least he had someone to take it out on and Wonder Woman was there to share in the fun. I'm pretty sure this counts as a date by their twisted standards. Wonder Woman even finds a way to add some extra sentiment, giving him the old Kent family mailbox as something he can hold onto. It's not the most romantic gift she could've given him. I'm pretty sure crotchless panties would've revitalized him just as much. But it gets the point across. It's the kind of non-creepy romantic gesture that even Twilight haters can enjoy.

Beyond the romance, we get a few more hints as to who's fucking with Superman's life and thinks it's a good idea. While Wonder Woman flies him away, someone else is spying on him. He's not Lex Luthor. In fact, he looks kind of like the principal of my old high school, which means he must have choked a live puppy at some point in his day. He's also intrigued at Superman's vulnerability and probably wants to exploit the fuck out of it. And he makes it clear that he's not done fucking with him. Either he really hates Superman or getting beat up by Wonder Woman is the only thing that'll give him a boner anymore.

Wonder Woman takes Superman back to the bunker under his old house, which is probably the only part of his life as Clark Kent that wasn't hit with a TNT enema. While there, Wonder Woman plays the part of the sexy nurse girlfriend, but in a completely non-porno way. It makes for a wonderfully sweet moment that should still give some people the same boners that sexy nurse porn will. Superman is badly bruised and in a lot of pain. Wonder Woman is there to treat him. It's a beautiful moment. It's intimate without being overly sexy. For once, my heart and my penis are in agreement.

Beyond the sentiment of the moment, Superman says something important that some women only wish their lover's would say. He tells Wonder Woman that they can't go into a battle where she has to worry about protecting him all the time. Even though he's vulnerable, she has to trust him to carry his own weight. Now that might not apply in a battle against Darkseid or a coked up Lex Luthor, but they be an inverted version of Super Mario brothers. They still have to trust each other, even when one of them isn't at full strength.

What makes this moment so special is that it shows how Superman isn't going to let his girlfriend fight his battles for him. Some men might be okay with that. Some might even prefer it. But Superman still has to be Superman. It still worries Wonder Woman because like any genuine lover, she doesn't want to lose him. And some women will wrap their lovers in bubble wrap and duct tape in a very unsexy way to protect them. But she's not willing to be that obsessive. She's Wonder Woman, not some character Jennifer Anniston plays in shitty movies.

Once they make these reservations known, Superman focuses back on the conflict at hand. He's still Superman. He's still determined to save innocent people, especially those from his hometown. To do that, he'll have to do some kind of crazy shit that only Superman can get away with doing. And he has to do it without Wonder Woman. It feeds directly off the conversation they just had. He needs her to trust him to do what he needs to do and she has to believe him when he says she doesn't want to be in this part of the shit storm. It's a test that even mature relationships will fuck up every now and then. With these two, the margin for fucking up is extremely small. It's a powerful moment that conveys its power while fully clothed. That alone helps make it meaningful.

So why exactly would Superman not want Wonder Woman to tag along through this wing of the shit storm? Well, there's actually a very believable explanation for that and one most women, minus those who get reality shows on A&E, would understand. It involves Superman breaking into the White House and having a chat with the President himself. So yeah, this is shit that only Superman could do and not be the target for drone strikes for the next eight years. And bringing Wonder Woman along for this would only make it more awkward. Two of the world's most powerful heroes breaking into the White House doesn't send a very good message. One vulnerable hero who just got attacked by a government-sponsored task force is more palatable. At worst, it'll trigger a few committee hearings and some bitching from John McCain.

In reading the Superman/Wonder Woman comics, I've come to see it as the antithesis to romantic comedies and softcore porn on Cinemax. This series isn't about some quirky way a couple of attractive, model-worthy people hook up and start humping. This is about two people actually building a meaningful relationship. The fact that they're two of the most iconic heroes in the history of comics is actually secondary. Think about that for a moment. The heroics that make Superman and Wonder Woman the icons they've been since the days of FDR is superseded by a relationship. And yet, it's still awesome.

This is the kind of relationship that won't get Twilight fans horny, but it will get anyone who values honest, realistic romance excited. And yes, there are people who do appreciate that shit. They won't admit it and they'll deny it until the day they die, but it's a common theme that binds anyone who has ever been in love in any capacity. So unless you're an emo goth who never stops listening to Linken Park songs, this comic will resonate.

The battle against the Suicide Squad was nicely detailed, even if it didn't do anything overly epic. But more than anything else, it deepened the mystery and put Superman on a more dangerous path. We still don't know who has been making him miserable, but we know Wonder Woman is giving him something to fight for. And she can do it while keeping her top on. That, my friends, is true love right there. I give Superman/Wonder Woman #19 an 8 out of 10. It'll put a smile on your face, but it won't make your hearts explode. Those looking for something more intense should just stick to crack. Nuff said!