Old, Gruff, and Gritty: Old Man Logan #46

The following is my review of Old Man Logan #46, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

It's never easy watching a beloved friend or family member succumb to the ravages of age. It's an inescapable fact of life, but if there's anyone who has a chance to escape, it's Wolverine. He's not supposed to age, decline, or lose his sex appeal. This is a man who survived having the adamantium ripped from his bones by Magneto, endured multiple battles with Apocalypse, and kept his dignity after the Punisher ran him over with a steamroller. However, it's because he's not supposed to get old that Old Man Logan has such unique appeal.

He's a version of Wolverine who is losing his battle against the ravages of time. He can still heal, but he can't be the same hero he's always been. Moreover, he can never be that hero again. His body and his spirit just won't allow it. That version of Wolverine is buried in the past. This version is looking less and less capable with each passing day.

Since taking over the series, Ed Brisson has been guiding Old Man Logan into the proverbial twilight of his story and there's a growing sense that the end is near for him. He can't heal like he used to. He can't fight with the same ferocity that once made him so dangerous. He's an old man and there's only so much he can heal from. On top of that, the adamantium in his bones is poisoning him so his clock is ticking faster than most.

It's a rare and difficult story to tell, an iconic hero getting older and less capable. Old Man Logan tells that story well and with Old Man Logan #46, Brisson takes him one step closer to the inevitable, but not before putting him in position to be the best there is at what he does. That also includes him teaming up with old allies, such as Alpha Flight. It's one of Wolverine's oldest affiliations that doesn't involve clones or other living weapons. It's somewhat fitting because Alpha Flight prepared him for the X-men. Now, they're helping him prepare for his final days.

The tone of the story is not as somber as it could've been. Old Man Logan is not necessarily broken up about his declining health. He's not dreading the dwindling time he has left or that the mainline version of Wolverine is coming back to take his space. Brisson presents Old Man Logan as a man resigned to his fate, but not in a way that feels grim. He's still Wolverine. He'll still throw himself into the middle of a battle and stab things, as only he can.

It does, however, create a unique backdrop for the part of the story that requires fighting and claws. It's a fairly generic situation by Alpha Flight standards. There's a small town in Canada that has been overrun by some purple alien plant monster. Not much is known or revealed about it, but it gives Old Man Logan and Alpha Flight a reason to team up. It has the common themes of an old school monster movie, complete with mysterious origins for the monster and brutal deaths for innocent townspeople.

By Wolverine standards, it's basically a typical Tuesday. However, a good chunk of the story is dedicated to reinforcing just how little time Old Man Logan has left. There's even one revealing scene between him and Puck where he reveals something that few versions of Wolverine would ever admit without the influence of powerful psychics.

It's not just that he can't heal and the adamantium in his body is killing him. He's tired. His exact words are, "I'm just so tired." He knows he's not the man he used to be. He also knows that if he keeps fighting like a young man version of Logan, people are going to get hurt, namely those cares about. He's at a point in his illustrious, brutal life where he's just ready to go. It's one of those things people expect old men to say, but not Logan.

Puck and the rest of Alpha Flight don't have a chance to respond, which is understandable when they're fighting an alien plant monster. Damian Couceiro manages to include some solemn reactions through a dark, but appropriate art style. There's a clear sense that Alpha Flight isn't just brushing Old Man Logan's dire condition off. They just don't get an opportunity to confront him about it and Old Man Logan makes clear that he doesn't want to talk about it.

This does have a meaningful impact on the battle against the alien plant monster. If a younger, less tired version of Wolverine were involved, then the drama just isn't there. Old Man Logan #46 isn't just Wolverine fighting another space monster with his fellow Canadian heroes. Brisson creates a predicament where every growl, slash, and grunt is pushing Old Man Logan closer to the brink. He can't win they day by just going into a berserker rage and stabbing everything with a feral grin on his face. He has to fight knowing that he's not going to heal from the wounds he incurs like he used to.

That makes Old Man Logan #46 and every subsequent issue more dramatic beyond the alien plant monsters. This isn't just another tease about a major hero dying and setting up a subsequent resurrection story. This is a character who is ready to die and doesn't want to come back. He wants to fight whatever battles he can before walking off into the light to rejoin his family. It's sad on some levels, but refreshingly real in a way that is atypical of superhero comics, especially those involving Wolverine.

There are many times in Logan's vast, convoluted history where his healing factor has been damaged and his ability to survive any battle is in question. However, Old Man Logan sets himself apart by conceding to his vulnerabilities to some extent. There's no certainty that he'll heal from his condition because it has less to do with his powers and more to do with juts being an old man. It's solemn, but it's not tragic in the sense that Old Man Logan is ready to die. He's just not done stabbing things yet.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

The Maturation of (Regenerating) Degenerates: Deadpool Assassin #1

The following is my review of Deadpool: Assassin #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When it comes to gratuitous violence and genuine heart, Deadpool is in a class all his own. In fact, it's not unreasonable to say that Deadpool, as both a character and a concept, goes out of his way to stand out and isn't afraid to be obnoxious about it. Regardless of whether his name and design was derived from Deathstroke, he's someone who does more than most to stand out in a sea of Wolverine, Superman, and Batman rip-offs.

Thanks to two successful movies and the inherent likability of Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool's star has never burned brighter. It's safe to say that in his efforts to stand out, he has succeeded. His mask, his tumor-laden face, and his propensity to break the fourth wall are now every bit as iconic as Wolverine's claws or Captain America's shield. He has nothing left to prove. He's earned the right to brag and gorge on all the chimichangas he wants.

As much as he's achieved, Deadpool always finds ways to stay busy and entertain. Most of those ways still involve the kind of destruction and vulgarity that would get most characters fined by the FCC, but he never does it out of pure malice. He's not Sabretooth, Norman Osborn, or Dexter Morgan. He's crazier than a sack of ferrets, but he still maintains a code of conduct that sets him apart from less scrupulous mercenaries. Those who undermine that code are likely to be on the wrong end of Deadpool's guns, katanas, and toilet humor.

That's both the setup and the appeal of Deadpool: Assassin #1. Cullen Bunn and Mark Bagley put Deadpool in a position to further set himself apart by showing that there is merit to having a code of conduct as a mercenary. That process involves a hefty bit of bloodshed and mayhem, but anything other than that just wouldn't be true to Deadpool's increasingly powerful brand and he does plenty to maintain it in this story.

Bunn and Bagley don't try to reinvent the regenerating degenerate. They just put him in a situation where he can do what he does best, which means being in close proximity to far less ethical mercenaries and evil ninjas. For Deadpool, that's like mixing chocolate and peanut butter, but with several extra sides of carnage and bloodshed. It's every bit as potent as it tries to be.

These crude, but colorful basics give Deadpool: Assassin #1 plenty of entertainment value. However, there are some other side-plots thrown into the mix that keep it from being a generic story about a Deadpool-centric shooting spree. One involves Deadpool's old friend Weasel, whose life has taken a far more domestic turn. He still works with Deadpool and still provides him with plenty of opportunities to shoot things, but he's got other priorities. In revealing those, Deadpool himself reveals something striking and potentially profound.

Being so unhinged and eccentric, Deadpool never comes off as one of those guys who plans for a simpler future that doesn't involve as many explosions. Between his skills as a mercenary and his fourth-wall breaking awareness, he rarely shows interest in settling down, retiring, or taking up a hobby that doesn't require heavy firearms.

He operates on a moment-by-moment basis, going from one job and/or wisecrack to the next. While he may occasionally mix things up by joining the X-men or marrying a succubus, Deadpool still acts primarily on an impulse. Even with the limited ethical standards by which he operates, he's not known for his foresight any more than he's known for his choice of underwear. Wherever there's violence to be had, he tends to gravitate towards it. With an unstable mind and a body covered in tumors, that's kind of how he has to be.

That's what makes his admission that he's getting bored with mercenary work so striking. He still makes clear that he loves killing unscrupulous mercs and ninjas, but that's not enough for him anymore. He claims he's only doing a few more jobs before he moves onto something else. It's not clear how serious he is. It's like Peter Parker saying he doesn't want to be Spider-Man anymore, but that sentiment goes away the second he has an excuse to change his mind. Unlike Peter, though, Deadpool isn't known for responsible decision-making.

That makes the plot surrounding Deadpool's changing priorities seem tentative, at best. Nobody, fictional or otherwise, can buy that he wants to retire to his own tropical island and sip margaritas for as long as his healing factor allows him to live. He gets bored too easily, enjoys dangerous surroundings too much, and makes too many impulsive decisions. While that makes his antics fun to watch, it also makes any effort to settle down less believable.

To some extent, Weasel's situation reflects that. He's no longer a former Hydra agent who just happens to be friends with an unhinged mercenary. He's got a stable job, a wife, and an overall easier life that involves less killer ninjas and more credit card bills. It's less hectic, which Deadpool claims to want, but Weasel never gives the impression that it's very fulfilling.

If anything, he sends the message that settling down can make a man feel domesticated. This doesn't impact Deadpool's intentions or his ninja-fighting skills, but it does throw shade on the idea that seeking a less damaging occupation comes at a cost. It also establishes that if Deadpool really does attempt to hang up his katanas and guns, he'll end up changing his mind faster than Peter Parker ever did.

Long-term intentions aside, still provides plenty of value in terms of giving Deadpool fans what they want. Bagley's artwork makes it colorful while Bunn's dialog makes it witty. It checks all the necessary boxes for a fun, engaging Deadpool story. It tries to do more and while it lays a foundation, it doesn't offer much in terms of clues. He's still doing mercenary work, as only he can, but what does someone like Deadpool do when he wants to move onto a new endeavor?

That question goes unanswered in Deadpool: Assassin #1. More than anything, it puts Deadpool in a position to mix things up again. It probably won't result in him getting a job as a tax attorney or a janitor, but if it leads him to novel forms of violence, then it can only help the potty-mouthed merc in his never-ending struggle to overshadow Deathstroke.

Final Score: 7 out of 10

Luck Be A Lady (and Then Some): Domino #1

The following is my review of Domino #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

Some heroes get all sorts of lucky breaks while others make their own luck in the crowded superhero market. As such, Neena "Domino" Thurman is unique in that she's able to do a little of both and not just because it's part of her mutant powers. Her superhuman lucky streak is on a bigger roll than usual. Between her upcoming role in Deadpool 2, the prospect of future roles in an X-Force movie, and a major presence in the X-men comics, these are good times for Domino.

That makes the idea of her getting a solo series, written by one of comics' most respected female writers in Gail Simone, all the more appropriate. Domino isn't just a colorful character with edge, grit, and attitude. She's the kind of character that requires a challenging story. She's not some hapless heroine whose only development comes through tragedy or loss. Her superhuman luck literally doesn't allow it. To make her mark, Domino's story requires a kind of nuance that Simone is in a unique position to pursue.

Like Red Sonja, another battle-hardened female character that Simone has written, Domino is fiercely independent. Since luck is always on her side, she's willing to take chances, be reckless, and explore uncharted territory. While that helps her survive the various rigors and frustrations that inherently come with the superhero genre, it rarely gives her time to pursue her own story. Domino #1 gives her the opportunity to really push the full extent of her luck. With Simone writing and David Baldeon providing art, she has even more going for her than usual.

Even with those advantages, Domino's story is a difficult one to tell. How does anyone go about making it interesting when luck is on her side in the most literal sense possible? Unlike the infamous Parker luck that plagues Spider-Man, Domino can usually count on the best case scenario. That means the particulars of a narrative have to be stronger than usual. Unlike Domino herself, Simone and Bladeon can't just throw this character into a series of action scenes and expect to get lucky.

That's exactly what makes the approach to Domino #1 so engaging because it doesn't rely on any one element of Neena Thurman's persona. She gets a chance to shoot things, as only she can. She gets a chance to self-reflect on who she is and where she's come from. She even gets a chance to show her softer side, but not in a way that feels forced or melodramatic. The plot doesn't rely on any one thing to flesh out Domino, but they all find a way to contribute. The fact a cute dog is somehow worked into the mix is just a nice bonus.

There specifics of the plot are somewhat chaotic. It starts with a cute dog, but builds itself primarily around some of Domino's most familiar traits. She's not a self-proclaimed superhero who sticks up for the little guy and hangs around adorable dogs. She's a mercenary who often works with other mercenaries to do gigs, make money, and shoot people who deserve shooting. It's not overly heroic, but it's hardly villainous either. It's not unreasonable to say that from a purely economic perspective, Domino maximized the value of her skills and powers more than any other Marvel character.

The business side of the story, though, is only a small part of a much larger narrative. She takes part in a gig that involves shooting people and teaming up with an old friend, Outlaw. There are guns, monsters, and even a fastball special. It's messy and violent, but not overly brutal. There's no Wolverine ripping out peoples' guts or Deadpool making R-rated jokes. For someone as inherently fortunate as Domino, those sorts of tactics aren't necessary.

To prove that she can still carry her own series without such tactics, though, Domino needs to show her more personal side. As a character who often finds herself in a supporting role to those with teams or movie franchises, she rarely gets an opportunity to reveal her thoughts, feelings, and insecurities. Outlaw ends up putting her in the best possible position when she drags to a surprise birthday party that ends up revealing more about Neena Thurman than any mercenary gig.

It doesn't end up being the craziest party that the X-men or a superhero team have thrown, but it plays out in a way that shows that Domino is capable of contributing more than quality marksmanship to a story. The surprise party doesn't just reveal that Domino is not that fond of celebrating her birthday or getting too close to anyone. It also reveals some of her insecurities, some of which are less obvious than others.

It helps give Domino #1 the kind of moment that demonstrates there is something to this character that's worth exploring. Domino may carry herself as a happy-go-lucky mutant mercenary who doesn't mind teaming up with the Deadpools of the world, but there are parts of her life and her personality that reflect deep scars. Simone doesn't probe too deeply, but does show the effects as Domino interacts with familiar X-men characters. Even when she encounters a cute dog, these insecurities show themselves.

It's a bit too subtle at times, but lays the foundation for more development. It also throws in a few larger conflicts that don't involve mercenary work or tolerating Deadpool's sense of humor. Those conflicts aren't as fleshed out as other elements of the story, so much so that the end is somewhat confusing, even if it is pretty jarring. Even so, Simone still leaves herself with plenty to work with in developing Domino's character.

Overall, Domino #1 offers a fairly diverse story that provides both basics and advanced refinements to a character on the rise. There's action, violence, and gunshots, as is often the case in any story involving Domino. There are also personal insights and unresolved issues that finally get to be part of a larger story for this character. She may not be Wonder Woman, Red Sonja, or Princess Leia, but Domino still finds a way to hold her own and she doesn't need to rely solely on luck.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Timely Traditions: Cable #1

The following is my review of Cable #1, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

When it comes to time travel, there aren't many superheroes these days that can do it without making fans roll their eyes. As a concept, time travel is overdone, burned out, and utterly devoid of shock value. The days of "Back To The Future" and the lovable eccentricities of Doc Brown are long gone. Stories that involve time travel are about as inane as a stories that involve Superman telling kids to eat their vegetables.

However, there is still one character who can build their story around time travel and make it work. It's not Doc Brown either. It's Cable. He's part Terminator, part Marty McFly, and part Rocky Balboa. He's also friends with Deadpool and willingly works with him on a regular basis. That alone is a testament to his grit and determination.

With a major role in the next Deadpool movie, as well as the star power of Josh Brolin, the time traveling mutant has a lot going for him. With Cable #1, another title in Marvel's ongoing RessurXion effort, James Robinson and Carlos Pacheco try to put Cable on the same wave that Deadpool rode to a wave of popularity. He may never inspire as many Funko figures or cos-play costumes, but he still has so many factors going for him.

The story in Cable #1 takes the core of his character and runs with it. There's no elaborate exposition. There's no major build-up to the plot. It just puts Cable in the middle of a time travel plot and lets him do his thing. Anyone who knows anything about Cable won't be too surprised. They won't be disappointed either. There's time travel, there's big guns, and there's large-scale violence both on and off-panel. By every measure, this is a typical Tuesday for Cable.

In terms of getting back to the core of a particular character, Cable #1 checks the necessary boxes. It doesn't check every box, but it checks the ones that are most important to the core of Cable's character. Robinson doesn't try to reinvent Cable or twist his story in some elaborate way. He sticks to the basics of time travel and big guns, which are the meat and potatoes of every great Cable story.

In terms of the contents of that story, it itself doesn't try to be too iconic. It has Cable doing some time-hopping to find someone who has been sharing futuristic weapons with people and time periods that haven't even mastered indoor plumbing. Anyone who deals with Marvel's twisted timeline is right to be concerned about that sort of thing. Given the absence of the Fantastic Four and the ineptitude of those such as Hank McCoy, Cable is the only one qualified to handle this issue. The substance is there. It's only the portion size that's lacking.

The core concept is there in Cable #1. There's someone screwing with the timeline by giving high-tech guns and swords to cowboys and samurai. That makes for plenty of gun-fights and gratuitous violence, as only Cable can inspire, but there's little context to the story. There's no real clue as to who Cable is after. The only detail revealed is that they think giving people who still see bathing as a luxury is a good idea. Beyond that, there's little else to go on.

That doesn't make Cable's battles any less entertaining. Compared to the plots of a typical Terminator movie, Cable #1 is refreshingly straightforward. There's just too little drama and too little setup to intrigue those who aren't already fans of Cable's time-hopping narratives. Robinson doesn't try to push the envelope and that's understandable. At a time when many other X-men characters are returning to their roots in wake of Inhumans vs. X-men, his efforts in Cable #1 fit the larger narrative. It just doesn't try to push it any further.

For those who don't know much about Cable or his convoluted backstory, complete with clones and techno-organic viruses, they won't see anything too overwhelming. They won't see anything too shocking either. They'll just see a character that specializes in traveling through time, shooting big guns, and getting into big fights. That alone has plenty of entertainment value. However, in a world that still has Deadpool and multiple Wolverine knock-offs, that only goes so far.

There aren't many details of the story in Cable #1 that are clear from the beginning or even the end, for that matter. That's not to say the story is messy or convoluted, though. It is the beginning of a larger story. The ending teases a much larger conflict at hand, one that will require more time travel and more big guns.

That has plenty of appeal to long-time Cable fans, but new readers won't find anything that they can't find in other comics that deal with big guns and gratuitous violence. Given the number of characters that rely on big guns and gratuitous violence, Cable #1 doesn't do much to set itself apart. However, there is still something to be said about a story that can involve cowboys and samurais in the same story.

In the end, the greatest success of Cable #1 is how sticks to the basics and doesn't complicate the narrative. In any story that involves time travel, that in and of itself is an accomplishment. Robinson maintains the core of Cable's character and Pacheco's art ensures that it's visually appealing. The story has the necessary foundation on which to build upon Cable's story. There's nothing in that story that precludes a narrative that becomes an iconic moment in his history. It's a long way towards achieving that level of quality, but it's on the right path.

With a promising future in Deadpool 2, courtesy of Josh Brolin, Cable is one of those characters whose profile is on the rise. Cable #1 puts him at the front of the batting order and shows off the potential of what he can bring to the table. With big guns, a bad attitude, and a blatant disregard for time paradoxes, he has all the tools he needs to be a major player for the X-men. At a time when Hugh Jackman has retired and Deadpool is the new adamantium standard, the timing couldn't be better.

Final Score: 6 out of 10

Sights and Sentiments from New York Comic Con 2016

It's that magical time of year again! That's right, it's time for the New York Comic Con! It's that wonderful event that those of us too poor/cheap to go to San Diego celebrate once a year. It's like Christmas for comic book geeks and while I can't always say I've been a good boy, it always feels like I get more presents than I deserve at NYCC.

This was a great year for so many reasons. Granted, it comes amidst tough times for X-men fans and Fantastic Four fans. I've documented just how much it sucks to be X-men and F4 fans in my various drunken reviews, but that didn't stop plenty of fans from dressing up as X-men and F4 characters. Even the power of Fox and Disney's lawyers can only go so far.

I even dressed up, albeit not in an overly-elaborate costume. I'm pretty sure I'd have done just as well pretending to be Mystique in disguise. It didn't matter to me though. I still got to sit in on some panels, meet up with some cos-players, and get a few autographs from my favorite writers, including the legend himself, Chris motherfucking Claremont. That alone made the trip awesome.

What made it even more awesome though was one simple observation. While there were plenty of X-men costumes to go around, you know who I didn't see? Any non-Kamala Khan costumes of the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners (also known as the Inhumans, but that title is a very poor depiction of just who and what they are). That's right. There were more Squirrel Girl and Booster Gold cos-players than there were for the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. How sad/awesome is that?

By and large, there were fucktons of Deadpool and Harley Quinn costumes. Hell, those two are always popular, but their movies this year just inspired even more dedication. It was so much fun to see, especially for Deadpool. I think Ryan Reynolds would've shed tears of joy.

So by that measure, I'd say the NYCC is a win for the X-men and a loss for the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. Hell, someone actually booed the big green fart cloud that's killing mutants at one of the panels. This motherfucker is my new hero and should be a hero to X-men fans everywhere. Whoever you are, I owe you a fuckton of beer!

There was so much to do and I only had a single fucking day pass. I hope to get more than that next year, but that didn't keep me from having a damn good time this year. Below are some of the moments I captured during this wonderful experience.

The first thing I saw when I came in. I was giddier than a school-girl on crack.

Gal Gadot's costume for the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. I could practically smell the awesome, among other things.

He is Groot. Nuff said!

Supergirl made out of Legos. Again, nuff said!

Deadpool and Hello Kitty. Further proof that Deadpool can be mixed with anything.

One of the MANY Harley Quinn cos-players. Bless their twisted hearts.

Sucks to be a Cyclops fan, but there are still those who carry on.

Been a tough year for Dr. Doom. Josh Trank gives him plenty of motivation to ensure that Infamous Iron Man is awesome.

There's always a place for the classics.

Stranger Things stole the show for all the right reasons. It's one of the few times where men and women wearing the same dress is entirely appropriate.

Powerful forms of Power Ranger artwork everywhere.

The man, the myth, the legend himself! Chris motherfucking Claremont after he signed my copy of Days of Future Past. Awesome guy. He seems to keep getting more awesome with age.

The dedication of cos-players never ceases to astonish me.

Don't know what this is. I just know it's awesome.

Punk rock Spider-Man. It's as awesome as it sounds.

Bruce Timm would be so proud. And probably a little horny.

X-23. Deadly, awesome, and carrying on Logan's legacy.

Ms. Marvel embodies everything the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners are NOT.

So many Deadpools. So many forms. So much awesome.

That's someone's actual costume. No bullshit. Give this guy a fucking medal and a hooker!

Chef from South Park had more representation than the Racist Xenophobic Slave-Owners. Nuff said!

Darth Vader fighting a dinosaur. Where else are you going to see something THIS awesome?

Still the greatest F4 movie ever made.

The ultimate Deadpool centerpiece. Pretty sure Ryan Reynolds has this in his living room.

So much pretty, sexy artwork.

Super Sayin for the ladies. Ladies libido now over 9000!

Video games, comics, movies. It doesn't matter. If there's a costume to be made, you'll find it here.

Ninjas and anime love a plenty!

Suicide Squad may have pissed off critics, but fans loved it enough to make costumes out of that. Take THAT Rotten Tomatoes!

Cyclops and Jean Grey are still popular among couples. Suck it Grant Morrison!

Supergirl was well-represented. Melissa Benoist would've been proud.

Had to have been hot in this costume. Just saying.

Crowds upon crowds of nerds. I felt right at home!

Good thing it didn't get too cold. This girl would've had problems.

You gotta admire the fans who make the extra effort.

Captain Marvel and the Carol Corps definitely had a presence this year.

So there you have it! That's a brief glimpse into the festivities of New York Comic Con 2016 through the eyes of a drunk. It's as much fun as it looks and sounds. I highly recommend every self-respecting comic book fan attend at least once in their lifetime. I'm convinced that I'll meet my future wife/ex-wife at one of these conventions. It wasn't this one, but I'm certainly open to the possibility. She'll probably be dressed as Wonder Woman, Jean Grey, Mystique, or Power Girl.

Death of X to End of X - An (Crazy) Rumor

I try not to report on what I think are bullshit rumors. I know the internet is full of them. There are rumors so crazy that I can only assume that they require a potent combination of crack, shrooms, and sleeping pills to make sense of. Seriously, how else do you explain rumors about lizard people running the government? But when it involves the X-men, I do take notice, especially when they make a twisted bit of sense.

This comes from a thread on the CBR message boards that I frequent during my sober hours. It's a rumor about the upcoming Death of X event that Marvel announced last week. Right now, the prevailing theory is that this event will finally explain just what the hell happened to Cyclops and the entire mutant race after the 8-month time skip after Secret Wars. Anyone who has been following my reviews on this site know that this is a big fucking problem for the recent X-books, especially Extraordinary X-men. When an entire story happens off-panel and fucks over a character that got fucked over enough in multiple X-men movies, it's a big problem. But I digress.

This rumor isn't necessarily about Death of X itself. It's more about what it will lead to in 2017. And while not as batshit crazy as lizard people, it is in the same zip code. It has huge implications for the future of the X-men, both in comics and with Marvel as a whole. And if it turns out to be true in any capacity, I'm pretty sure it means Fox and Disney lawyers are in a full-blown rap war.

Fall is a prelude to a much larger event coming next year called End of X.

Death of X is about a group of mysterious assassins targeting specific X-Men for death, some big names die and the culprits turn out to be a group of people who were being controlled by an unknown intelligence from the future.

End of X comes out next summer. Carol Danvers teams up with Timegazer (he's the new inhuman who can peer into the future from Civil War II; also Carol "wins" Civil War II and the whole thing is much lower stakes and less edgy than Civil War I) to discover a new threat looming, some kind of horrible "storm" that threatens to collapse the timeline.

The "storm" can only be resolved by removing all the mutants from the universe, which sparks big time chaos about how to resolve the issue.

I don't know the exact plot details (doubt anyone does because this stuff isn't usually ultra-thought out beforehand except for the broad strokes plot), but it ends with all the mutants being shifted over to another timeline of their own free will. The 616 goes on without them, and there will still be X-Men books but they'll all take place within their own separate continuity to ensure maximum MCU synergy within the "main" universe.

They've been looking to do this for a while. Folding the ultimate and 616 universes together was to make room for a potential "X universe" down the line, to avoid too many alternate universes running in parallel. Some specific mutants *might* stick around in the 616, but I don't know which.

This rumor doesn't just come from a message board either. Some of the details are the result of a YouTube video that was cited. Since I know searching YouTube is just inviting someone to get side-tracked by cat videos, here's the video I found. I imagine someone at Disney will send multiple take-down notices and flood emails with remixed Frozen songs so watch it while you can.

So what does this mean? Well more than anything else, it means Marvel is just that determined to fuck the X-men over and get them the fuck out of the mainline comics. Marvel is making a metric fuckton of money by focusing on properties they control the movie rights to. Just ask Namor how important those rights are. The X-men, on the other hand, will NEVER get back under Disney/Marvel's wing. After Deadpool generated half a billion in profits for Fox, they will NEVER fucking let them go. I think Marvel/Disney pulling a stunt like this would be their way of fucking Fox over long-term.

That said, I don't think it's very likely. Marvel just went through the trouble of streamlining their comics again after Secret Wars. They just got rid of the festering rectal wart that was Ultimate Marvel. They just started up X-men 92 and have a successful side-world in Spider-Gwen. I don't think they're going to try to fuck up what they went to such lengths to unfuck with Secret Wars. But I've been wrong about this before. Nuff said!

Overpriced, Chaotic, and Undeniably Entertaining: Deadpool #7

The following is my review of Deadpool #7, which was posted on PopMatters.com.

The comic book industry has come a long ways since the days of Saturday morning cartoons, Richard Donner movies, and campy TV shows starring Adam West. There have been periods of growth, thanks to the tireless efforts of Sam Raimi and Christopher Nolan. There have been periods of darkness, thanks to the more forgettable efforts of Joel Shumacher and Brett Ratner. In the era of billion-dollar blockbusters and post-credits teasers, there have been very few constants. One of them is the irreverent humor of Deadpool.

Spider-Man may grow up, get married, get unmarried, and run his own company. Superman may wear red underwear, marry Lois Lane, have his marriage to Lois Lane undone, and date Wonder Woman. Gwen Stacy might become relevant again, despite being dead since the disco era. Deadpool, however, remains committed to the same deranged, bombastic persona that has given Ryan Reynolds a chance to redeem himself after the Green Lantern movie. It's almost hard to imagine that Deadpool was once labeled a Deathstroke rip-off.

With a movie coming out and a growing to-do list in the comics, Deadpool #7 offers a giant-sized plate of chimichangas to those who have come to appreciate his not-so-unique brand of humor. Like Seth MacFarlane, Deadpool built his career on telling the kinds of jokes that got most kids sent to the principal's office in grade school. That humor might be labeled as immature by those who eat their chimichangas plain and with no guacamole on the side, but Deadpool always found a way to appeal to the inner 8-year-old in all of us.

Deadpool #7 does plenty to cater this appeal while offering plenty of bonus material in the process. Most of that bonus material is somewhat forgettable, but it doesn't take away from the overall entertainment value of the finished product. Deadpool is described by some of his own fellow mercs as "an unfocused, impatient, chaos monkey." In terms of an over-arching narrative, there couldn't be a more appropriate description of Deadpool without including taco meat and spent bullet casings.

There's no way around it. The story that unfolds in Deadpool #7 is chaotic and unfocused. For any other character in any other medium, this would seriously undermine the story. For Deadpool, however, it's entirely appropriate. In fact, it embodies the primary appeal about Deadpool. In the same way Michael Bay movies gratuitously exploit CGI and Megan Fox's sex appeal, Deadpool exploits the chaotic violence around him with an irreverent humor that has undeniable entertainment value.

Nobody is going to mistake the story that unfolds for Watchman or Saga. That said, there is an actual story within the circus-like chaos that is Deadpool's life. His profile is rising in the Marvel universe and not because of anything Ryan Reynolds is doing. He's expanded beyond being a one-man mercenary operation and assembled a team called the Merc for Money. On the surface, they look like cos-players who are the complete antithesis of Ocean's 11, but their colorful, cartoonish presence is entirely fitting for Deadpool.

Despite being the founder, leader, and visionary behind the Mercs for Money, Deadpool spends most of the main story in Deadpool #7 being distracted. It's not the kind of distraction caused by excessive sugar or a lack of Adderall either. Deadpool, like every other character that tried to leech off of Wolverine's popularity, has a fragmented memory. Unlike Wolverine though, Deadpool has a sense of humor about it and that sense of humor creates the bulk of the entertainment value.

Deadpool goes about his reckless and destructive business with a casual bravado that never feels arrogant or egotistical. He'll casually sit back in a car and chat about his issues while the Mercs for Money get into a gun fight with Hydra. He'll stop shooting his machine guns into an army of Hand ninjas in order to ask a few questions, even though he has an axe lodged in his skull. Such an overly casual approach to such violence might not win him any allies at local PTA meetings, but it will make for plenty of entertaining moments.

These moments aren't well-organized, nor should they be in a story that reflects the living chaos that is Deadpool. There are times when they're difficult to follow, even if they are appropriate within the context of a Deadpool story. There is still a cohesive theme in the end that helps tie the chaos together, albeit barely. It helps set up Deadpool's next mission in a way that promises more gratuitous violence. If that's the primary measure by which all Deadpool stories are judged, then this one certainly qualifies.

The main story in Deadpool #7 acts as a testament of sorts to the entertainment value of Deadpool's narrative. As a means of justifying the $9.99 price tag, it also comes with a number of bonus stories that explore stories from other members of the Mercs for Money. Some of these bonus stories are more entertaining than others. Most are fairly forgettable, but they do at least add some extra depth to Deadpool's team.

None of them are as colorfully deranged as Deadpool himself, but that might be for the best. The Marvel universe can barely contain one Deadpool and Ryan Reynolds can only capture the essence of one non-Van Wilder character at a time. These other characters certainly have potential and personality. They just aren't going to inspire the same level of creative cos-playing that Deadpool inspires at every comic con.

Deadpool's story is still the primary selling point in Deadpool #7 and that story checks all the necessary boxes. The forgettable bonus stories don't detract from this selling point in any way, but they aren't going to make anyone feel better about the bloated price. It's still an entertaining Deadpool story, complete with obscene violence and unrepentant immaturity. As the failure of Wolverine Origins definitively proved, we wouldn't have Deadpool any other way.

Final Score: 8 out of 10

Deadpool | Red Band Trailer 2 [HD] | 20th Century FOX

Merry Christmas, everybody! For just one second, put down the eggnog and stop thinking about how you're going to return your shitty gifts and celebrate with something truly festive. By that, I mean Deadpool. I mean come on! He's wearing red. That's a Christmasy color, isn't it?

Because we're mindless consumers, we buy into all the shit that Hollywood sells us when it comes to superheroes. However, this is Deadpool. He's NOT a typical superhero and this shit ain't rated PG-13. I could explain more, but I'd rather let the wonderfully charismatic, former Mr. Scarlett Johannsen explain it. Enjoy!

Uncanny Avengers #1: Nuff Said

What happens when a concept that hasn't been viable since Chris Pratt was a chubby no-name extra on Parks and Recreation keeps trying to make it work? I don't know, but it's usually the first step towards making comic fans like me bang my head against the wall no fewer than 20 times in a row. There was a time when Uncanny Avengers actually sounded like an awesome concept. Then at some point, Marvel stopped giving enough fucks to make it work. That still hasn't stopped them from trying to make it work. They chose to relaunch it along with every other one of their titles after Secret Wars. Did it work this time? Well here's what my drunken ravings have concluded.

So how do we make Uncanny Avengers more interesting? Let's start with some ominous new guy who looks like he won the lifetime achievement award from the Academy of Creepy Old Uncles. And since Marvel is trying to pimp the Inhumans like a fat hooker with the muscle control of a Russian gymnast, why not make said creepy old guy an Inhuman? It's working for Agents of SHIELD. Sure, they're ripping off every X-men theme that ever existed, but that's besides the point.

Creepy old guy's new Inhuman powers have an unclear effect. Maybe he controls plants. Maybe he can talk to nature. Maybe he's now able to listen to Al Gore's speeches about the environment without passing out. I really have no fucking clue and I actually tried reading this sober. All we really know is the guy now has a big boner for Mother Earth and Mother Earth is probably going to need a restraining order.

Fast forward 8 months and we completely ditch the whole creepy old man/hippie plot. It's probably for the best. Instead, we get to see the new Uncanny Avengers in action. How they came together isn't revealed, but some crazy shit can happen in 8 months. Just ask anyone running for President in 2016. It must not have been too crazy though because all they're doing is fighting some Amazo rip-off. The Inhumans already rip off X-men. Why not rip off a little DC while they're at it? It worked for Deadpool.

Still makes for a nice battle scene. I'd much rather see the unity team kick ass rather than bitch about Cyclops, the Scarlet Witch, or whatever latest retcon someone just crapped out. It's not all that epic, but it has Deadpool in it. And like Bill Murray, Deadpool can make anything entertaining.

Not only does Deadpool make it entertaining, but he helps win the day. I think Ryan Reynolds just cried a few tears of joy. Everyone else really didn't do shit. Dr. Voodoo? Synapse? When was the last time these fuckers got Ryan Reynolds excited? Johnny Storm, Rogue, and Spider-Man just take up space for the most part. As for old man Rogers...well, he lets Deadpool be Deadpool. That shows he's not senile in his old age. He knows what's awesome and he knows what gets the job done. Sorry Deathstroke fans, but he'll never be as effective or fun as Deadpool.

They win the day. And what does Spider-Man do? He starts bitching and moaning. I guess Mephisto isn't around to make another deal. I'm sure he would sell his soul again to be on a less frustrating team. But old man Rogers says they need to meet the press. They need to show the world that mutants, Avengers, and Inhumans can work together and get the job done. Sure, all they did was beat a generic synthaziod/Amazo rip-off. It's not like they took down Hydra or kicked Thanos in the dick. But they gotta start somewhere, right?

So they all decide to listen to the old man. Unless that old man is Stan Lee, that's usually not a good idea. Rogers says all the right things, but then again so does the CEO of Volkswagen. It doesn't unfuck a situation that's already fucked. And Rogue decides to fuck it a little more and not in a sexy way either. She throws in an anti-Inhumans comment that sounds like something Joe Biden might say when he's hung over. Rogers does his best to save face, but the message is clear. Mutants and Inhumans might as well be the bloods and crips of the Marvel Universe.

Old man Rogers takes Rogue aside and explains to her that dealing with the press is like dealing with special needs children who haven't been taking their medications. He also tries to convince her that having Deadpool on the team is a good idea and not just because he's helping to fund the team. He might as well try to convince her that it's a good idea to let oil companies run the EPA. Even so, Rogue does agree to give Deadpool a chance. She and old man Rogers even have a nice heart-to-heart about how far she's come and how she keeps fighting, despite mutants getting screwed over in ways only Josh Trank can exceed.

How screwed are mutants? Well, Rogue offers a hint. She reveals she can't dress in a way that would piss off the Anita Sarkesians of the world anymore. She's been affected/screwed over by the Terrigen Mists. It's fucked up her skin in ways that no Neutrogena commercial can claim to cure. It's forcing her to get regular treatments to keep her from becoming an extra in a Walking Dead rerun. It's a nice tease as to the current crisis facing mutants. It's not directly hinted that Marvel jerks off to their suffering because of the movie rights. But it's still sort of implied.

There's some other sub-plot randomly unfolding with Dr. Voodoo. But again, when was the last time anybody gave more than half a fuck about Dr. Voodoo? All he does is bitch and moan with a guy he "killed" back in the day. It's not nearly as awesome as it sounds. John Constatine would probably roll his eyes at this shit. It would've helped if this had absolutely anything to do with the team or the creepy old guy that showed up earlier. But it might as well be another shitty Mountain Dew commercial.

A little more action should help get things back on track, right? Right?! Well, at least some effort is made. All it really succeeds in doing is fucking up Quicksilver's dates. Apparently, he dates multiple women at the same time and not in a way that shitty sitcoms depicted. He's like a hornier version of the Flash with shittier hair. But the man places a high priority on beautiful women and I can respect that.

What I can't respect is Synapse basically losing her shit for no reason. Seriously, that's the catalyst for this fight. There's no build. There's no ominous hint. She's just having a nice date with Quicksilver and she loses her shit like someone who just watched Wolf Blitzer bite the head off a kitten. Seriously, that's how organized this story is at this point. We have side-plots we don't give a shit about and random shit storms popping up for no reason. There are episodes of Lost more organized than this.

Whatever the cause (if one is even necessary at this point), it turns downtown Boston into a nightmare version of a Home Depot commercial. The rest of the unity team meets up with Quicksilver, who is probably pissed as hell that he had to keep his pants on. Again, there's just some random crashes and fighting. And Deadpool isn't even given a chance to make it fun or entertaining. Rogue may or may not have hinted that she boned Johnny Storm, but there's very little to this battle beyond cock-blocking Quicksilver. Not that cock-blocking Quicksilver isn't a good way to spend an afternoon, but still.

There is some effort at adding a little mystery. The team investigate this Greenpeace wet dream of a landscape to find out it's got a few things that even Greenpeace wouldn't fight to protect. Apparently, this isn't just Mother Earth being extra cranky. Someone is turning Boston into an oversized greenhouse that grows hideous demon-like dogs that even Sarah Mclachlan wouldn't adopt. Why is this important and what the fuck does it have to do with any of the other randoms side-plots that have been littered throughout this story? Don't look at me this time. I am NOT sobering up to figure that out. It would just be a perfect waste of sobriety.

The only real hint we get comes in the form of a prototypical ominous figure, minus the ominous part. There's no mystery to the guy. He identifies himself as the Shredded Man. He basically looks like a much less imposing version of the Shredder from the Ninja Turtles. Apparently, he's the one behind this Greenpeace wet dream. Details, motivations, and depth...if you're expecting any of that shit, go see the last two Fantastic Four movies. You'll get just about the right amount of disappointment.

So...is it awesome?

A better question would be is this really all the fucks Marvel can give about this series right now? It's got a handful of characters that few people give a shit about and does nothing to make those characters all that interesting. Plus, Spider-Man quitting in the first issue? Can this motherfucker go one week without threatening to hang up his webs? Maybe I'm being too harsh. It is a diverse team that struggles to get along and there is some appeal to that. It just doesn't really show much in this issue.

Most of what we get is a bland, disorganized plot that's built mostly around old man Rogers trying to keep everyone from killing each other. Add Robert De Niro to the cast and you might actually have something. Without him, we just got another reminder of why Uncanny Avengers is the Detroit Lions of Marvel Comics. They'll have a few wins here and there, but in the long run they'll lose and lose badly.

Final Score: 4 out of 10