X-men Second Coming Chapter 10: Uncanny X-men #525 - Awesome With Shortcomings

Though the Second Coming crossover has been a clinic in awesome since it began, there has been a distinct pattern emerging through each issue. No event is perfect. There will always be some weak points along the way. What's distressing about Second Coming is that those weak points are all coming from the same source: Matt Fraction and his issues of Uncanny X-men. Between all the writers involved in his crossover, his name has been attached to the issues that give X-fans the most headaches. Granted, he's not obliterating the crossover Jeph Loeb style, but he's playing his role as the proverbial ball and chain. He's like the Al Davis of the professional comic writer's league, charismatic yet annoying as fuck to the fans. Uncanny X-me #525 isn't complete trash and it does move the story along, but it does have some glaring flaws you could have an AC/DC concert in front of.

The issue picks up immediately where the last issue of X-Force left off. Cyclops has just sent Cable and X-Force into the Days of Futures Past timeline to stop the incoming hoards of Nimrod Sentinels. It's a desperate move, but when you're dealing with Nimrod sentinels that's the only kind of move you can afford to make. Needless to say, Hope is pissed. She makes no bones about it either. She heard Cyclops musing at the end of the last issue that he just killed his son. You would think a guy as smart as Scott Summers would know when to keep that shit to himself. Guess some writers need to throw in a few dramatics. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it can still make a reader's eyes roll about halfway. It's not terrible, but not awe-inspiring either.


This is also where one of the biggest developments yet in the crossover emerges. Hope Summers, who hasn't flashed any powers since the Cable series when she stopped Bishop's bullet in mid air, showed some of her messiah aura. It's been a huge question mark since the beginning of the crossover. How in the hell is this teenage girl who looks strikingly similar to Jean Grey going to save the mutant race? What kind of powers could she have? She's been hinted at being everything from a telepath and telekinetic to a mimic to some mutant power backup or whatever hell that entails. Here, her eyes flash red in the same color as Cyclops's optic blasts. It could be just out of anger or it could be something else. But it's definitely apparent some power is there and it seems to lend support to the mimic theory, even if that doesn't explain the many other feats she's accomplished like breaking Cerebra, healing Rogue, and pulling off a number of psychic feats.


She runs off before she can flash any more hints and this leads to a huge shortcoming in the issue. This is actually the last scene Hope Summers is in for the rest of the issue. I get that there's a lot going on, but after a sign like this just leaving it alone feels like a real douche-bag sort of move. So she flashes these powers and Cyclops does absolutely nothing to investigate? Aren't her powers supposed to be the key to their salvation? It's enough to make a readers head feel as though it just got whacked with a baseball bat. The world isn't just spinning. It's destabilizing. On top of it all, Hope's outburst comes off as that of an immature brat. This is a girl who to this point has shown the strength and courage instilled in her by Cable every step of the way. She's had her share of vulnerable moments because she is still a teenage girl (and let's face it, teenage girls can make a hell of a scene), but only Matt Fraction has made her look so blatantly immature. He did it in Uncanny X-men #523 when he had her jumping on the bed of her hotel and he has her doing it here. It's really an insult to the character that's been fleshed out since Messiah Complex. It's probably the single greatest shortcoming of this issue. It only hints at Hope's development and doesn't actually follow through.

While the Hope moment is disappointing, the issue does pick up in the next scene when the rest of the Marvel Universe joins the Second Coming party. It is here where the events of Second Coming Revelations: Blind Science coincide with the arrival of the Avengers. Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, and the Fantastic Four meet up with Dr. Nemesis and the Science Team to analyze the barrier that has San Francisco completely sealed. They really doesn't reveal anything new. It's impenetrable. That was already established. What is established is a plan. They need to open up a hole just big enough for Cap to get in. Seriously, that's the plan. It makes about as much cents as Cambodian garbage man. But at least it's something. You would think bringing in heroes like this would yield something more elaborate. Even if it's still building to that, it feels like a waste of precious ink.


Thankfully, Fraction does pick up the pace from here. Back on Utopia, Cyclops is forced to adjust his tactics. More Nimrod sentinels are coming through the portal and they're cutting them off at every turn. He's in turn forced to deal with the damage in a tactical manner. He cuts off power to pretty much every part of Utopia except the sick bay. It may seem extreme, but it adds some real world elements to the battle. Because that's what this is. It's a battle and Cyclops has to employ serious tactics. It may not seem logical to casual readers, but it's the kind of thing Generals do in the real world. They make necessary strategic sacrifices to reinforce the bare essentials. Since Fraction can't resist making Cyclops look awesome, he has a Nimrod sentinel show up shortly after that he blows away like Susan Boyle singing the national anthem.


But Cyclops isn't the only one who gets to kick ass. The rest of the X-men are still swarming the city, fighting the Nimrod sentinels and doing their best to protect a pants-shittingly terrified public. Storm actually gets to carry herself as an X-man instead of being a fluffer for Wakandan royalty, hitting the sentinels with her unique brand of wrath while others like Psylocke and Surge throw their weight around. It highlights some solid action scenes by artist, Terry Dodson. The colors and details are rich and powerful. It's definitely an appropriate ambiance for an issue like this. It carries on a tradition of strong art that has really helped make Second Coming one of the most visually appealing books in long time.


The art would have been a key driving force in the journey towards awesome that every comic goes through. But Fraction doesn't make it easy when he tries to throw in a few goofy one-liners that he may think are funny, but are just blatantly stupid. There's a time for humor and a time for jokes and this ain't it! Worst of all, he tries to make a joke of Watchmen using Fantomex. Maybe I'm just respecting one of the most critically acclaimed comics of all time too much, but a joke like that doesn't make a comic witty. It makes it look like an asshole. If you're going to make a joke at the expense of another comic, at least make sure it's a comic that has no respect. Make a joke about Ultimatum or the Clone Saga. These are books nobody gives two shits from a raccoons ass about. Maybe it works in a Deadpool comic, but Second Coming is written in a far more serious context. The least any writer could do is respect that.


Poor joking aside, the issue continues to move forward at a solid pace by picking up with Cable and X-Force in the Days of Futures Past timeline. Old school fans will feel their nostalgia boner shoot up when they see the familiar dystopian future that has been the focal point of so many classic stories. As it just so happens, Cable and X-Force arrive right in front of the famous wall that lists all the mutants who have been slain. Only this time, there are no blank spots. Every picture has a distinct label 'slain.' Needless to say, that freaks everybody out because it means they got a lot more riding on them now. The way time is unfolding, the X-men will lose and Bastion will win. Arcangel whines about this for a moment, but X-23 gives him and the rest of the team a necessary kick in the balls. Again, Fraction can't seem to resist making some characters more whiney than usual, but after the Hope outburst readers should have a tolerance for that shit the same way professional drinkers (alcoholics to some) have a tolerance.


From here, there isn't much time to keep whining. The anti-mutant forces that have long since fallen off the genocide-is-wrong bandwagon show up and start shooting. As expected, X-Force doesn't take kindly to their shit and they attack. The plan here is still understated, but in this instance it makes sense. Their only real objective is to get to Mastermold and stop the Nimrods from pouring into the past. There really aren't many elaborate ways that can be written and Fraction shows his strength here by laying out the path before them and sending them right into the fire. In terms of the grim and gritty action that X-Force is known for, it works perfectly. Craig Kyle and Chris Yost would certainly approve.


While this fight is unfolding, another unexpected (if not completely out-of-the-blue) development occurs on Utopia. Professor Charles Xavier, who hasn't shown his face at all during this grave affair, finally confronts Cyclops looking as though he's been kicking back peacefully while everyone around him fights for their lives. He goes off on this heart-felt apology, telling Cyclops he never thought it would get this bad. If only the X-men had a nickle for every time he said that they could bribe Bastion into quitting with all his bullshit.

It's a major hole that in many ways should have been filled sooner by other writers, not just Fraction. Where the hell has Xavier been all this time and what the fuck has he been doing? Has he just been hiding out on Utopia, watching on Fox News as his students suffer (and die at times)? I get that he's allowing Cyclops to work and lead, but you would think a guy whose very name is literally synonymous with the X-men would at least be present. Only now he's showing up? It's enough to make anyone who has been following this crossover to wonder if they're suffering from temporary amnesia because something had to be missing.


Outlandish timing aside, Fraction does try to make the best of it. For one, the strange connection between Hope and Rogue is not forgotten. Cyclops is now entrusting Rogue to go after Hope and calm her down so she actually cares enough to be the messiah she's supposed to be. He also reaches out to Xavier by asking that he enlist the services of his schizophrenic, illegitimate, omega level mutant son, Legion. This is something else that's coming out of the blue. Where the hell has he been the whole time and why wasn't he used sooner? A lot is flying over the readers' head here, but it's hard to blame Fraction for this because it's a plot that really shouldn't have been at least hinted at. I know these comics only have a limited amount of space to work with, but when they need a trump card to work with a few hints go a long way.

At the very least, it's nice to see Professor Xavier back in the fold. It makes the crossover feel that much more complete and hopefully he'll get his moments in the final few issues. This would have been a great place to end it, but there's one last scene with the Avengers and the science team. Again, not much seems to happen here and their presence really seems like a waste of ink. The only thing the final scene accomplishes is throwing in the typical "we're all doomed" and "everybody's going to die" cliffhanger. It would be much more powerful if it wasn't so cliched, but that seems to bring all the shortcomings of this issue into perspective.


Taking everything into account, Uncanny X-men #525 is still an awesome issue and it certainly doesn't bring down the whole Second Coming crossover. But it still comes off as the ugly step-child to an otherwise picturesque family of issues. Fraction's handling of Hope, one-liners, and the Avengers just feels disjointed from the tone of the rest of the comics. It's like that lone LA Clippers fan at a Lakers game. It may have the right passion, but it's horribly out of place.

Fraction still succeeded in a number of ways. He moved the story forward and he set up some promising plots for the third and final act of Second Coming. Along with Terry Dodson's art, the issue has undeniable quality. The problem is that the tone just doesn't match with the rest of the series and it makes Fraction seem like a writer who is out of his element. He can do so many things with these characters, but his style just doesn't fit the context.

The final score for Uncanny X-men $525 is a 3 out of 5. It's a long ways away from being terrible, but still not within spitting distance of being as awesome as the other issues of the crossover. Now that Fraction has finished his part, it's up to Zeb Wells to continue with New Mutants. With Legion now entering the picture and Rogue linking up with Hope, there is a lot of potential. What still baffles me is that at this stage nobody has commented on Hope's resemblance to Jean Grey and she still hasn't flashed her Phoenix potential as hinted at in all the teasers. Time is running out. There are a lot of loose ends to be filled. Second Coming has been a wondrous display of awesome thus far, but if it leaves too much open then all that awesome will be for nothing. This crossover deserves better. Nuff said.

X-men First Class Movie News - Emma Frost Casted?

So every now and then I take a peak into the workings of the X-men movie business. To me, it's like going in for rectal surgery on the same day I have root canals. It's not my fault that X3 hurt so damn much and that any mention of X-men movies evokes an anger that would make the Hulk squeamish. But I'm trying to be optimistic about X-men First Class. It still isn't clear if this is a reboot or something different, but with Bryan Singer on board there's enough promise to risk another soul-crushing disappointment again.

This week more casting rumors have been flying around like herpes at Flava Flav's house. Rumors of Magneto being casted have been popping up. Professor Xavier is already in the fold with James McAvoy. Now it appears Michael Fassbender may be up for the Magneto role.

Screenrant: Is Michael Fassbender the new Magneto?

It wouldn't be new territory for him. He's done comic movies before such as 300 and Jonah Hex. But he's a little on the young side to be playing a holocaust survivor. Even if this goes back to the early days when Xavier and Magneto were working together, it may only work if it's a flashback. I know makeup artists can do all sorts of amazing things with age, but depending on which time frame the movie will be in it's going to be a factor.

But while the Magneto casting is typical fodder, more are probably excited about the news regarding Emma Frost. Because seriously, what guy wouldn't be more intrigued by the X-men's hot blonde vixen who flaunts her sexuality more than a pre-Karballa Madonna? Whoever plays her role will have to have with her a very special kind of hotness that will send fanboys everywhere into boner-inducing seizures. It seems they may have that in Rosamund Pike.

Screenrant: Rosemund Pike as Emma Frost in X-men First Class?

Now she's not going to be the first one to play Emma. In the last craptastic X-flick, Wolverine Origins, Emma did make a brief appearance in the final moments of the movie. She appeared to be just a teenager at the time. If Pike is going to take the role, that may be a bit trickier because in real life she's 31. I know it's taboo to talk about a woman's age, but when she's smoking hot age is just a gauge between the youthful free spirit stage and the full blown cougar stage. Pike seems to be a bit in between.

This brings up another issue. If Emma is older in this then it won't be nearly as believable as a direct continuation from Wolverine Origins. If this is supposed to be the X-men as teenagers, then an older Emma could mean her role is different. Perhaps she's the X-men's official sex ed teacher? Or maybe she plays the role of teacher for the Academy of Tomorrow (a rival for the institute and possibly a source of inspiration)? Or they could just do what they're doing with Magneto and make her look like a teenager.

My only problem with this is if Emma is going to be a teenager and Cyclops and Jean Grey are already confirmed as being in the movie, then it's almost a certainty that the Scott/Jean/Emma love triangle from the comics will be utilized. While this isn't a bad plot point, it's worth pointing out that it's been fucking done already! Seriously, the first three X-men movies went out of their way to flesh out a ridiculously lame incarnation of the Scott/Jean/Logan triangle. It was one of the worst parts of the film due to sheer logistics. Logan had the hots for Jean in X1, but left at the end of the movie. He arrived in X2 and still had the hots, but only got to flirt a little before she died. Then in X3 somehow she's the love of his life? Bullshit! They barely knew each other for a few days at the most! Yet somehow that's supposed to be deeper than the relationship she's had with Scott, which almost certainly spanned more than just a few days? If that's how the movies handle love triangles, I have no hope for the Scott/Jean/Emma triangle. Seriously, how hard would it be to just let Scott/Jean develop without the need of a fucking love triangle? Hasn't that been brought enough shame to the world of X-men movies?

Whatever they choose as a plot, Emma's presence can only add more sex appeal. That's never a bad thing, but if it leads them down that same road of cliched plots it could be. At the very least it looks like Pike is on the fast track to making X-men First Class more appealing. It'll all depend on how other characters are cast. There's only a year left to put this movie together and if they start rushing it then the X-men movie franchise is in even deeper shit than before.

But movies aside, doesn't Pike have a good Emma Frost feel to her? You be the judge.


On a less serious note, I just added some new pics to my X-men Supreme website. Don't worry, it's the good kind of pics. Specifically, they're sexy pics for the Jean Grey section. For anyone who despised the movies or what happened to her in the comics, this should ease the pain. Nuff said.

Second Coming: X-men Revelations Hellbound #1 - A Hell of a Ride

I know X-men Revelations: Hellbound came out a while ago. Posting a review of it at this point is like reporting the final score to Superbowl XVI like it's breaking news. But after reading X-men Revelations: Blind Science I feel compelled to give this comic it's due credit. I didn't have much interest in the side-plots apart from Second Coming, mostly because Second Coming itself was so blindingly awesome. But these off-shoots are awesome in their own right and they're helping to make an already kick-ass event fell all the more complete. It's like the cherry on top of a 2982 layer chocolate cake with 229 layers of icing.

This comic covers what happened to Illyana during the X-men's first attempt to retrieve Hope. Back in Uncanny X-men 523 she was about to teleport Hope to safety when Bastion had William Stryker it back with one of his many contingency plans. She was then blasted with a mysterious device that looks like something that could only be bought by the Russian Mob or from the deepest recesses of Ebay. She then disappeared into her own portal and was trapped in Limbo...again.


As expected, Piotr is understandably pissed. This is the second time he's lost his sister like this and you would think a guy as tough as him would be pretty hardened to this bullshit. But even a guy with metal skin can still get his panties up in a notch and when Cyclops says he's not letting him go after Illyana, he reacts with predictable outrage. For anybody who has been following the X-men for a few years now, it's probably the most emotional Colossus has ever been. It's not too surprising, but it still has a feeling of "it's about damn time!"


Lucky for Cyclops, he's able to reassure Piotr that he's not going to leave Illyana left hanging. He's going to put together a team to go into Limbo and get Illyana back. Piotr still wants to go, but for whatever reason he listens to Cyclops. It's eye-gougingly remarkable that Piotr's okay with being sidelined, but he goes along with it and Illyana's rescue team begins to take shape.

For this literal mission to Hell, Cyclops enlists Cannonball to lead. That's not a bad choice because Cannonball has been developing his leadership skills in the comics for a year now. He's still an up and comer, but being a leader has done more for his character than the TV show House did for Hugh Laurie's career. The only problem is that at times he still sounds like a whiney little pussy when he laments at how hard his job is. I understand that's how a lot of leaders start out, but it really couldn't hurt for Sam to show some balls so that he doesn't come off as a recovering eunuch.


Cannonball is still able to stuff his crotch and get to work assembling a team. He enlists a wide range of B-list characters that have only recently had a chance to shine in the comics. It's not like he's taking Tumbleweed Tech's polo team with him. These are some characters with some name recognition, but they haven't been in many big plots since the Clinton Administration. The team includes the likes of Dazzler, Northstar, and Trance. Overall, that's not a bad skill-set. But to really add some appeal to this plot, they need and A-lister and that's where Gambit comes in.


Now this is kind of a head-scratcher because there hasn't been much hint that Gambit is on anybody's shit-list. He's been practically cock-blocked ever since he showed up during Nation X and you would think that with Rogue controlling her powers now, he would be looking for ways to get down and dirty with her. Yet here he is, sitting in the dark and letting Rogue run off and flirt with Magneto. A guy like him who has pined for Rogue for the better part of two decades can't be okay with that, yet he looks as happy as a clam flicking cards into a hat. He doesn't even mention the other shit that's going on when Sam pitches the offer. Yet he accepts and writer Chris Yost does a menial job of trying to make it sound logical in the mindset of your typical fanboy.

But this plot with Gambit is just fodder for what appears to be the real story. Anybody who has been reading Uncanny since Matt Fraction came aboard has been getting a pink-haired teenage girl shoved in their face. Now if this were strip club nobody would have a problem with that. But this isn't the XXX-Club in the seamy side of Los Angles. This is X-men and that pink-haired teenage girl is Pixie. Now that Nightcrawler and Ariel are dead, she's the last teleporter and she's also been hyped up as having mystical powers. That's all well and good, but that's a lot of attention to heap on a character that isn't even a decade old. I'm all for fleshing out new characters, but there are plenty of others more deserving than this girl. I would feel a lot better about her role if she didn't come off as such a whiney brat.


I get that she's a teenage girl with a lot of shit being shoveled on her, but she's been developed to a point through Uncanny that makes her being the droning teenager unreasonably stupid. She looks and acts all "I'm scared!" and "I don't wanna!" It's hard to tell if she's complaining about the mission or if she's making a scene in the mall because mommy won't buy her the latest porn star barbie doll. Yost is seriously a better writer than this and while it's nice to see her and Anole share a friendly moment. It still feels painfully lame.

Eventually, Pixie caves and joins the mission. Cyclops and Colossus offer extra incentive when she continues to show her teenage bitchiness, but she stops whining and assembles with the team in the hanger. So Illyana's only hope now rests with Cannonball, Gambit, Trance, Dazzler, Northstar, Anole, and Pixie. Overall, that's not a bad team to send on a rescue mission and trips to Limbo are always so colorful.


As expected, Limbo is hardly welcoming. As soon as they arrive, a hoard of demons attacks them. They have pretty much no element of surprise and they're surrounded faster than Miley Cyrus coming out of an abortion clinic. It's the kind of scene Chris Yost is best at. There's no subtlety and no major teasing. He just jumps right into the action, pulling out all the stops and making it so there's an epic fight going down and plenty of carnage to be unleashed. This is both a good and bad thing because while that works well in books like X-Force, it seems kind of bland in a book like this. The premise doesn't exactly match the style and it would feel so much more meaningful if it didn't seem so rushed. This may be because the book is almost out of pages at this point, but it really does leave the reader wanting more.


The fight scene is still pretty awesome. It takes a special kind of retardation to fuck up a fight scene in Limbo, but as fun as it is to read it doesn't really move the plot forward. There's no sign of Illyana and there's no real semblance of a plan. I don't know if that's just Cannonball's inexperience showing or if he really did just think they could waltz into Limbo and fight their way through demon hoards to rescue their friend. It makes about as much sense as it sounds. Somebody should call his voicemail and describe this plan so he could listen to it himself to see how fucked up it is.

While the fighting is going on, the forces of Limbo get some input as well. They know Illyana is present as well and have no intention of letting her go. Seriously, a young blond teenage girl just happens to appear in a place full of evil and decadence? Who could blame them? This helps set up the rescue team's main opponent in this place God seemed to fart on. He may be Blackheart or Belasco, but whoever he is he looks pretty damn evil. It's just enough intrigue to make the next issue worth picking up while still leaving room for a shitload of improvements.


Compared to Blind Science, Hellbound is minor leagues. Whereas Blind Science had mystery, subtlety, and strong character moments going for it, this issue felt like one big setup for a fight that only had a few pages to unfold at the end. I'm all for setting up a story, but Chris Yost took it just a wee bit too far here. There were some character moments that were awesome to read while others were just eye-rollingly bland. Some of those moments could have easily been cut out to extend the fight scene in Limbo at the end. While I understand it's a fine line writers have to walk, mixing action with character. It's not outrageous that some stumble along the way. Here there's plenty of that, but not so much so that it destroys the potential of the comic. The next part is still worth picking up and hopefully Yost can step it up from there.

For having a decent mix of good moments and not-so-good, Hellbound doesn't get the same worship that Blind Science got. But it isn't bad enough to deserve a flat out panning. For that it gets a 3.5 out of 5. It's definitely worth picking up, but it's not a comic readers will want to encrust with flakes of gold. There are plenty of more deserving issues in the Second Coming crossover. It remains to be seen of this whole Hellbound plot is one of them.

Brightest Day #3 Review - Back to Basic Awesome

It goes without saying that Brightest Day has a pretty high bar to jump. As the spiritual successor to the supremely awesome Blackest Night event, it has a lot to live up to. Like any cocky protagonist to every sports movie ever made, the series gets humbled at some point. Maybe the cheerleader girlfriend dumps him or he finds out he has herpes, but the game keeps on going. The last issue, Brightest Day #2, was a bump in the road for the story thus far. It was the first time Geoff Johns and his Brightest Day saga failed to deliver on the expected level of awesome, which admittedly is pretty high. It was disappointing, but where Brightest Day #2 left readers a bit jaded Brightest Day #3 straps a wad of C4 caliber awesome to their brains and detonates it without a moment's hesitation.

The story picks up right where the last issue left of. Boston Brand, who was once known as Dead Man only he's not so dead anymore, is standing face to face with the Anti-Monitor in the Anti-Matter universe. That's the equivalent of facing King Kong naked with your arms and legs cut off. To this point the white lantern ring hasn't shown much firepower. It definitely shows a little here and not in a typical way to say the very least.


As kick-ass as every lantern power in the spectrum is, this little display really set itself apart. When it comes to sheer force, you can't get much better than an onslaught from a white outline of the mightiest heroes on Earth. Even for the Anti-Monitor, it's a lot to handle and a damn fine display. Now with this power one might expect Boston Brand to kick the Anti-monitors ass like the 2008 Detroit Lions. But the ring is still not cooperating. It literally has a mind of it's own and isn't exactly dancing to Brand's tune. As a result, he gets a little 'remember me' shot from the Anti-Monitor. It looks like he may take on the mantel of Dead Man yet, but the white ring isn't making it easy for him. It's like Yoda in Empire Strikes Back having Luke fight Darth Vadar during his training. Only this involves someone who is pants-shittingly more powerful than some guy with a breathing problem.

While Brand is left hanging, another plot is unfolding with Firestorm. Ronald, who came back from the dead during Blackest Night, is at odds with Jason. Since he's the other half of the Firestorm matrix that's a pretty big problem. I know Firestorm is used to having an identity crisis, but this brings out a worst-case-scenario kind of moment. The two people who together make an ass-kickingly awesome superhero hate each other at the moment and one of them wants to leave it all behind. What's a guy who just came back from the dead to do?


This is where the whole adjusting-after-having-been-dead plot comes back into the fold. Ronald is like a lot of the other DC heroes who came back in Blackest Night in that he's not sure what to do with himself. Seriously, how do you adjust from coming back from the dead? In comics it's pretty normal. People coming back from the dead is about as common as seeing some wannabe douche-bag make an ass of himself during an American Idol audition. Here, Geoff Johns adds some depth to the experience. He really shows how Ronald is struggling with this and it's a refreshing bit of characterization that often as underplayed as Amy Winehous'es gynecologist.


Only Ronald isn't the only one getting used to not being a corpse. In the previous issue Aquaman was going through his own problems. It turns out death hasn't quite left him yet. He may be alive, but now he can summon dead aquatic life. Now given the recent gulf oil spill, that seems like a good thing. After all, there are probably more dead animals in the ocean than there are live ones in this day and age. But it's still pretty disturbing, at least for Author. For the readers, the visuals are like orgasms for the eyes. It makes Aquaman more interesting than he has been since the Reagan administration.


It's a spooky moment that makes even a fish man piss himself. But he doesn't freak out as most anyone in his position would. Mera reaches out to him and it makes for a nice moment between the two. Given that neither of them has had time for romance that doesn't boarder on necrophilia in a long time, it's a nice little reminder that these two are still very close and it's one of those warm and fuzzy moments that brings out a readers inner Lady Gaga. While Mera clearly loves the guy, it's also pretty clear that she's just as spooked. She just got her man back and now he's summoning dead fish. There isn't much relationship advice you can do with that.


The whole death theme continues into the next plot, which seems to be the key theme of this issue. The forces of death are following these heroes and by and large it's screwing with them. They beat the grim reaper and now the grim reaper is looking for ways to fuck with them. J'onn J'ozz is next in line for such a fucking when he is left to uncover the grizzly events that occurred in the previous issue. A whole family is dead and the only survivor is a dog. Once again showing his resourcefulness, J'onn reads the dog's mind to see what happened. Even through the eyes of a creature whose favorite activity involves licking himself, it's a pretty gruesome scene. At least it provides him with his next clue. It would be so engaging if only there was some explanation as to what that clue was. All J'onn does is read the dog's mind and fly off with him, dropping his typical hint in the process. That's all well and good but it moves his mystery forward about as quickly as turtle's boner.


J'onn isn't the only one whose time gets shortened way too much. The White Lantern makes another appearance. Apparently, it still hasn't moved from where it ended up at the end of Blackest Night. Nobody, not even the various lantern corps, have any idea on how to move it. That doesn't stop some locals from trying to fuck with it. Naturally, the White Lantern doesn't like that and throws a hissy fit. It's an okay spectacle, but nothing too mind blowing. At the very least, Johns shows that this mysterious manifestation of DC awesome is still in play. It would just be nice if he did something with it.


These two scenes highlight the weakest points of the issue. They touch on events from the previous issue, but don't do much with them. It's like they're just slapped together so Johns can say "See! I haven't forgotten! Now don't quit your bitching!" He's big on the little things, but there is such a thing as being too little to care. The scenes from the previous plots could have easily been made longer while omitting these two. They have their place, but they seem so painfully contrived in the sense they act like filler.

Thankfully, this is the only part where this lull sets in. The next scene doesn't just pick up on a moment from the previous issue. It moves it forward and does something awesome with it that blows the mind and possibly other parts of the body that may not be appropriate to mention. It involves Hawkgirl and Hawkman, who have been tracking down Hath-Set. The guy developed a sudden intrigue for the bones of their reincarnated forms and assembled himself a pretty messed up collection. Since we're talking reincarnation here, the Hawks are pretty intent on showing the man a Thanagarian ass-kicking.


What happens next is so unexpected that Nostradamas himself would be at a loss for words. In a moment awesome enough to be marketed as a cure for depression, Hath-Set shows why he's been gathering their bones. It's not just for kicks or even to sell them on Ebay. He wants to use them to create a gateway to another world. That's not a typo fleshed out while high. The guy actually used dead bones to make a gateway. Even in the lore of comics where a walnut can be turned into a diamond, that's a new one for most fans and pretty damn awesome to boot.


It's the perfect way to end the issue. It leaves readers needing to know what happens the same way Jack Baur needs to know where the next terrorist strike is going to happen. Only it's not done in a way that would require torture on par with cutting open the stomach and retrieving a computer chip (see the 24 finale). It definitely makes for a kick-ass ride for a kick-ass comic. It brings home an issue that by most standards measures up to the insanely high bar established by Blackest Night. If it were in an Olympic event, it would get a silver metal.

Now I say silver metal and not gold for reasons I've already stated. As awesome as the ending was, there were some slow points that just weren't all that interesting and probably could have been cut. In many ways that's the biggest problem with this issue. Many of the scenes just end too quickly. It feels like the comic is shorter than it should be. Granted, there's a nice preview of Green Arrow at the end, but it feels like that comes at the expense of an already strong story. Geoff Johns is one of the best at laying out a story. All he requires is time and space on a certain number of pages to tell that story. It almost seems like he tried to condense everything or got cut off. It doesn't hurt the awesome factor too much, but it leaves readers agonizing at just how awesome it almost was.

Taking this narrow shortcoming into account, this Brightest Day #3 gets a 4 out of 5. It isn't so much that the book is flawed. It's more so that it seems incomplete. It's still a must-have and definitely keeps Brightest Day moving along with the momentum of a bull high on crystal meth. It's DC at it's finest and still deserves to be uttered in the same breath as Blackest Night. Nuff said.

X-men Forever Giant Size #1 - Nostalgic Mediocrity

I've avoided reviewing X-men Forever comics on this blog and for good reason. There's only so much text I can dedicate to long winded ranting on the flaws and shortcomings of an issue. Books like Ultimate X offer plenty of ammunition, but X-men Forever is a bit more complicated. It isn't testicle twisting terrible like most of the Ultimate books are now, but it isn't very good either. There's a lot that's happened in the first 24 issues (plus an annual) that would make many X-fans feel like they just ingested a gallon of tequila mixed with battery acid. I personally stopped following the series at around issue 10, but since it's a Chris Claremont book I always give it a chance. The guy who spent 17 years building the X-men into a legend deserves that kind of slack, but Forever has kind of hurt that legend. Giant Size does a little to help make the series more bearable, but only by a little.

Before I go over this issue let me give a brief overview of what's going on. X-men Forever picks up right after X-men 3 in 1991. Magneto was defeated and the X-men as a team are being reshuffled. The big theme from the series that sets it apart from the mainline comics is that mutants are suffering from a phenomenon known as burnout. There are few mutants aside from Xavier and Magneto that live beyond their twenties. Most mutants end up dying young because their powers have an adverse affect on their bodies. It's a huge shift and apparently, Xavier has been keeping knowledge of this from the rest of his students for a long time. On top of that, there's this shady group called the Consortium that is trying to accelerate the burnout and wipe out all mutants. This group has ties to Bolivar Trask and was apparently being run by Tony Stark. Throughout the series, the X-men fought to stop the Consortium and find a cure for burnout.

It's not a terrible plot idea, but it is kind of stretching it. That would be forgivable if the characterization in X-men Forever wasn't so god-awfully nauseating. Here's a brief rundown. Jean Grey is a complete callous slut who fell in love with Logan on a mission during the Forever Annual, full on kissed him on the beach, and then went onto carry her relationship with Cyclops as if nothing was amiss. Yet Claremont had the audacity to call this unconsummated. Maybe I'm a little slow, but when a woman tongue-wrestles a guy on the beach like he's got the keys to her panties buried in the back of his throat that's pretty damn consummated. It doesn't get much further though because Logan is fucking killed in the first issue. That's right, the most popular X-men in the franchise is just offed. That's a pretty big kick in the balls for a lot of X-men fans who can't see the X-men without Wolverine. But it ends up being an outright wrecking ball to the nuts when Jean Grey has no problem forgetting about the supposedly sacred love she shared with the guy and fell in love with Hank. That's not a typo. Within a few issues she was swapping spit with Beast like she had been in love with the guy since she had her first period. All the while she just brushes Scott's love aside, who remarkably doesn't seem to give two shits and a fart that the girl he agonized over for 20 years worth of comics just stopped loving him. On top of that, the guy leaves the team to be with a son who in this universe wasn't sent to the future (which still hasn't been explained mind you). It's probably the most piss poor characterization of Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, and Logan ever made. But Claremont wasn't done. He had Kitty Pryde absorb a claw and suddenly, she turned into a weaker version of X-23. He also had Storm turn out to be an evil clone who offed Logan, but he also had her off Black Panther and for anybody who gave themselves a frontal lobotomy after the Storm/Black Panther marriage that was the sweetest eye candy ever.

I know I may sound like I'm ranting a bit here, but there are some characterizations that were actually good here. For one, Piotr is part of the Winter Guard with Black Widow and that was pretty sweet. Remy is less a thug and more a Rico Suave type character, which actually is a nice shift since he hadn't been developed at this point. Sabretooth is actually Logan's father, which also works considering the continuity Claremont is working with. He also joins the X-men and as crazy as that sounds, Claremont actually makes it work. So it's not all horrible. Some of it is actually pretty damn awesome. It just isn't awesome enough to overlook the larger piles of bullshit that have accumulated with other plot threads.

Getting back to Giant Size, Claremont has a chance here to move the plot ahead and make Forever less seizure-inducing. And in many respects, he succeeds. The premise of the issue is pretty awesome. The Shi'ar Empire is in a bit of a shit storm. The Skrulls used a little gap in their cyber security to inflict some galactic sized pain. It turns out the one responsible is the man Empress Lilandra has the alien hots for, Charles Xavier. As is customary with the Shi'ar, they need to seek Xavier out and make sure he faces their brand of justice which in many ways can be likened to the kind of justice the old Soviet Union used to inflict. Translation: he's in deep shit.


Meanwhile, Xavier and Scott are having a heart-t0-heart after what happened with the Consortium in issue 24. Recently, they just lost Beast and Tony Stark was killed as well. The X-men are naturally trying to lay low for a while and Xavier is trying to convince Scott to come back. That's a tall order when his son is still around and the girl who took a shit on his heart is still living there and seems to feel no guilt over what she did. But it's still a nice moment between these characters that reflects the classic father/son relationship that Cyclops and Xavier used to have before the recent comics threw an army's worth of wrenches into that relationship.


They're not alone either. More familiar faces show up that haven't been in Forever yet. Among them are Iceman, Arcangel, Opal, and Charlotte. They all get together with Scott's grandparents for some much needed catching up and it's all smiles for the most part. There's even a hint at what may have happened with Nathan to keep him in the present as opposed to what happened in the 616 comics to send him into the future. But Claremont offers no details. He just adds a note that it's a story he hasn't told yet, which is nice because it's the first time since the annual that he's acknowledged it.


But the good mood doesn't last. The Shi'ar show up and Nathan senses it. The Imperial Guard arrives and they're looking to take Xavier in. But before the action can begin, the rest of the team has to be brought into the fold. Jean, Remy, Lil Ro (long story), Sabretooth, and Kitty are back at the mansion unwinding in their own way. Then they get unexpectedly beamed into the conflict Star Trek style through the Starjammer. It's a nice way to get all the heavy hitters into the same arena and it doesn't feel like an excuse. It shows that Claremont still knows how to make a story flow after all these years.


As soon as they arrive, Xavier gives them the 411. Apparently, he knows he's up shit's creek at the ridge of a waterfall. He seems to figure out with an almost bland type of realization that he was responsible for the Skrulls attacking the Shi'ar. It's amazing he can figure that out and that he plainly spells it out as old school comic characters so often did. I know it's part of the nostalgia factor again, but in the year 2010 it still feels pretty lame. There's no personality behind the discussion. It's almost as if Xavier is narrating and that's okay for thought bubbles, but when he's speaking plainly it makes the reader roll their eyes.


But bland narration aside, this is quickly forgiven by the next scene which is an old school, knock-down, all out brawl between the X-men and the Imperial Guard. Anybody who has any knowledge of the history of the X-men will get a six foot boner reading over this scene. It's the kind of Claremont magic that makes X-men the high caliber awesome fans have come to know and love. There really isn't much that can be said about the scene. It's just plain freakin' awesome.


At times there are still some old-school styles that feel more dated than 8-track tapes. During this fight and throughout X-men Forever itself characters have a tendency to describe their actions in thought bubbles. Like when someone is choking them they actually think "He's choking me! I cannot breathe! My air is cut off! I'm going to pass out!" Of course that's now what real people think when they're being choked. The only thoughts that would come out during a moment like that would be "Ack! Ack! Uugggggghhhh!" Yeah, that probably wouldn't make for good thought bubbles and this style worked back in the day. Now it feels more out of place than Barry Bonds at an anti-doping convention. It doesn't take away from the awesome, but it does add to the lameness.


The fight drags on and like most battles with the Imperial Guard it turns into a stalemate. Eventually, Professor Xavier mans up and tells his team to stand down. He's willing to turn himself into the Shi'ar in order to save his students. It's the kind of sacrifice you would expect Charles Xavier to make, that is before he became such a douche-bag in recent comics. It's very noble and a fitting conclusion to the battle. Naturally, the X-men are not willing to just stand by and watch their mentor be taken to the Shi'ar gulags. But he convinces them that this is his responsibility and he has to man up. For a guy in a wheelchair, that's a hell of a lot of backbone.


So the X-men have to watch their mentor leave. Before he goes, he makes Cyclops in charge of the Xavier Institute. He's supposed to keep his dream alive from now on. It basically makes staying with his son in Alaska a moot point. In a ways that's a good thing because it gets him back on the team. In other ways it's kind of following the same formula the current comics are following, where Scott is already the undisputed leader of the X-men. But given these different circumstances, it still works and doesn't bring down the issue. It makes for a sad yet fitting final moment that leads the X-men from one chapter in their lives and into another.


But it doesn't end here! No, Claremont just can't resist wetting everybody's appetite for the next volume. He already lays the groundwork by showing a brief scene with the Avengers. Apparently, they're not all that enthused with seeing Tony Stark die in a fight that the X-men were involved with. As far as they're concerned, the X-men are accessories to murder and they have to be brought in. You almost wish they were still fighting the Shi'ar, but it leaves the door open for plenty of kick-ass action in the new volume and if heroes are going to be fighting heroes it seems like there's a Forever-style Civil War on the horizon. By and large, it's a damn nice way to keep readers interested. And as an extra cherry on top, the issue has a reprint of Uncanny X-men 108. Considering all you get for about five bucks, it's a hell of a value that fast food companies have wet dreams thinking about.


So what more can be said about Giant Size X-men Forever? It's a decent book, but not decent enough to escape the massive baggage the series acquired through the first 25 issues. The characterization for Scott, Jean, Logan, Beast, Kitty, and Storm are still too sickening to command respect and the old-school styles like bland narration and thought bubbles still seem dated. Personally, I liked the book, but only because it didn't pour more iodine into the gaping wounds the previous issues opened. It's hard to really call it good when all it really did was not screw up and just tell a decent enough story to move the plot along with a few classic elements that old school fans would appreciate.

Factoring everything into the positives and negatives of this book, it gets a 2.5 out of 5. It's worth picking up, but it's not a must-have and your collection won't go into fits if you don't have it. X-fans can simply afford to miss this book without feeling too bad about it. Real old school fans will probably appreciate it more, but by and large it still carries too many problems from the X-men Forever series as a whole.

Chris Claremont is still an awesome writer and his legend is unsurpassed in the annuls of X-men. I love his work and I'll always love his work, but X-men Forever is a huge disappointment. His characterization is really contrived and the plots he uses feel way too forced at times. It's not that he has bad ideas or that they're too much. He just tries to force them too much without really developing the finer points of the series. The saddest part is if this is what he had in mind back in 1991 it almost vindicates the editors for taking the book in another direction. What he's done with Forever has really damaged the extent of the continuity prior to 1991, which he said he would respect. It's not completely unsalvageable. A Chris Claremont book is never unsalvageable. But it certainly has a long way to go. Nuff said.