X-men Forever Season 2 Issue #2 - Bland With a Touch of Awesome

In recent months the Forever titles have become the anomaly in my comic collection. When Chris Claremont (you know, the guy who probably did more for X-men than any other writer in history) said he was launching his own title called X-men Forever, I was as giddy as a school girl who just took a hit of crystal meth. Then I actually read the first few issues and that meth turned into poor quality heroine that was so watered down it was like shooting up a trip to the DMV into my veins. The title actually did what I thought was impossible and tainted Chris Claremont's legacy. Between piss poor characterization, outlandish character depths, turning Jean Grey into a lying whore, making Kitty a lamer X-23, retconning events and not explaining them, and doing some of the shittiest romance sub-plots in history (Scott/Jean/Logan/Beast still ranks as one of the most disgusting developments in X-comic history) it actually came to vindicate Claremont being kicked off the book back in 1991. I take no joy in saying that either, but being a die-hard Claremont fan that I am I can't help but take a peak and every so often he does make Forever readable. Hell, the man had Storm kill Black Panther instead of marrying him. That has to count for something, right?

Now after the first 25 issues (plus an annual), Claremont has begun what he calls season 2 with a bang both literally and figuratively. This time that's not just a cute euphemism. Seriously, in the first issue of the new series he had the Avengers attack the X-men and the result of the fight was the entire fucking X-mansion blowing up! Again, it doesn't make up for all the shortcomings of this series, but damn it if it isn't awesome. That prompted me to take a look at issue #2 in hopes of some equally awesome follow-up. The results, unfortunately, were a mixed bag.

By and large, this issue doesn't do much to move the plot forward. It's one big reaction issue. The whole Forever universe is basically reacting to the X-mansion blowing up. Hell, have the issue is taken from the perspective of a news report and last I checked it's pretty damn hard to make the news awesome (unless of course your last name is Stewart or Colbert).


The report is pretty predictable to anyone who has had to sit through the news (poor souls). They say what happens, act all serious and emotional about it, and try to twist it in their own away. During this bombardment of media mayhem that can only come from sources like Fox News, SHIELD and the authorities are scouring the remains for signs of the X-men. They find absolutely dick. And by dick I mean no bodies. That more or less affirms what happened. The X-men are still alive thanks to the universal law of comics section 1, subsection 45, line 15 and I quote, "no body means no death."


Not only do they find no trace of the X-men. They find no trace of Nick Fury either. That adds a new wrinkle to the garment. If he's gone, who runs SHIELD in the Forever universe? Well following the logic that if there's a crisis then Congress will find a way to fuck it up even more, they appoint Ziggy Trask to the job. Who is Ziggy Trask you ask? She's the bitch related to Bolivar Trask, the asshole who made the sentinels. She's also the bitch who ran rough-shot at the Consortium, the assholes who spent much of Season 1 trying to kill the X-men. I would add a few more political undertones as to how fucked up this is, but the sad truth remains that this is a pretty accurate representation of Congress. Nobody can say that Chris Claremont doesn't inject some sense of realism in his books, even if it's the kind of realism that only registered republicans appreciate.


While Congress is fucking things up with the giant dick of government, the Avengers are still scratching their heads. Yet they do show some remorse, which is pretty appropriate given that this is before the whole Civil War mess. It's a nice moment to show that this really is an alternate take because the Avengers still come off as heroes, taking responsibility in a way that politicians never will. Unlike the news, they seem equally convinced that the X-men are still alive and well.


While they're reeling, others are overreacting with a shit storm of douche-baggery. Enter Perfect Storm, the bitch who usurped power in Wakanda and killed Black Panther (okay, bitch probably isn't the right word because anybody who was pissed by her being married probably got a boner seeing this). Needless to say, she's pretty pissed. But it isn't because the X-men are supposedly dead. It's because she didn't kill them. What's fucked up is that those around her thinks it's out of grief when she flat out says it's because this denies her the vengeance she craves. It's not a thought bubble. It's not an inner musing either. She fucking says it and these people don't hear? It's a small detail, but it's among many Claremont has made in this series.


The affair eventually reverberates to other parts of the X-men, which in the Forever universe include X-Force. At the time it was being run by Warren and his deep pockets. With those same deep pockets, he promises to protect the rest of the team knowing they may be on the front lines now that the regulars are MIA. Now one would expect them to be as skeptical as the Avengers about them being dead, but Warren does talk as though the X-men are really gone. You would think he would show a bit more emotion. Same with the rest of the team. But no, the scene is painfully bland. It's like Claremont just copied and pasted it in there and it's essentially filler, a waste of precious ink.


Next up the media blitz continues, but thankfully it's finally cut off despite taking up half the book at this point. It ends at the Daily Bugle with Peter Parker and J. Jonah Jameson. This is by far the biggest draw of the comic and the main reason why I thought it was worth picking up and reviewing. Chris Claremont is bringing in a pre-One More Day Spider-Man. For anyone still pissed from that bullshit retcon that has tainted every Spider-Man comic since, this makes this issue worth it's weight in pure Wakandan Vibrainium.


Since the news isn't going to get the full story, Jameson sends Peter to the scene to get what he hopes will be a scoop he can rub in the faces of every other media outlet. Peter, having crossed paths with the X-men plenty of times within the pre-1991 continuity, jumps at the chance because like the Avengers he is not convinced the X-men are gone. So he ventures to the ruins of the mansion and investigates. Here Claremont goes a wee bit overboard with the thought bubbles as he so often does, but that's sort of a mainstay of X-men Forever. It's still annoying as fuck sometimes, but it's still a pre-OMD Spider-Man. That's worth overlooking, isn't it?


While Peter is looking for some answers, more filler finds it's way into the plot. There's a brief shot at a Senator's office where it appears Mystique is entering the picture again, albeit with not even an ominous hint at what that means for this plot. It also comes in the form of an orphanage in Nebraska, the same where Scott Summers grew up. Here a little boy is talking with Dr. Hanover about Cyclops and his son. The hint here is pretty obvious too. Old man Sinister is about to enter the picture. It looks like they're going to attempt to kidnap Scott's son...again. Seriously, was this even necessary in a book like this? It not only seems out of place, but a total rehashing of a plot that has already been used before 1991.


Back to the non-Mephisto Spider-Man and the most awesome part of this book. Spidy found nothing at the site of the Xavier Institute and continues with his endless thought bubble droning as he swings through New York on his nightly patrol. Then he gets his first action of the night, which also happens to be the first and only bit of action in this book. Some thugs are getting their butts kicked in an alley and for once Spider-Man isn't doing it. He swings in to investigate. To his surprise he finds exactly what he didn't find in the ruins of the mansion. He finds a very alive X-man, but probably not the one he was expecting. Keep in mind, Spidy probably hasn't been keeping up with what's been going on in X-men Forever so imagine his surprise when he sees Nightcrawler Rogue in a sexy new uniform. If I were in Spider-Man's shoes I would be confused yet strangely aroused because blue skin, a tail, and cleavage is still pretty damn hot.


Before anything else comes of this, the comic ends. No more action. No more revelations either. The book just ends. It's not quite a cliffhanger and it's not quite a resolution either. It's just an end to an issue that was bland most of the way through, but still had some elements of awesome that made it worth picking up. Much of those elements were provided by Spider-Man who wasn't carrying the One More Day curse. Everything else was painfully bland and came off as complete filler for an issue that you could probably skip and not miss much. For a series that's supposed to be it's own line, that's a terrible waste of ink.

I get the basic concept of what Chris Claremont was trying to do. The X-mansion blowing up would have huge repercussions throughout the greater Marvel universe. It's great that he wanted to show everybody's reaction, but it still came off as filler and lacked the kind of impact that makes such a premise work. Every facial expression was essentially the same and nobody really said or thought anything that stood out. There was only a tiny bit of action to boot and it wasn't nearly enough to make up for the many other shortcomings of this issue.

Never-the-less, it's still worth picking up just for the Spider-Man elements. If the next issue has more action and less news, that will be worth picking up as well. But the fact remains that X-men Forever has a shit tone of plot holes and a pile of diarrhea worth of characterization flaws. For what it's worth, this issue doesn't do any more damage to the Forever series that others have and does have some note-worthy aspects worth making note of. Because of this, I can't in good conscious give this comic an Ultimate X caliber score. I give it a 2.5 out of 5 for at least trying to tie Forever into the greater Marvel Universe and for giving readers a non-One More Day Spider-Man. This series has a long way to go to make up for many other shortcomings, but it's Chris Claremont so it's not impossible. At the very least we still have the nearly flawless awesome of Louise Simonson's X-Factor Forever so all is not lost in the Forever concept. Flaws aside, the hearts of the writers are still in the right place and who can blame them for that?

A Message From Joe Quesada

Well yesterday marked a milestone in my life with X-men Supreme. For over six months now I've been developing this fanfiction series, trying my hardest to set it apart from regular fanfiction. Already, it's been successful in a way I did not expect. My website has registered over 2200 hits and the feedback I've gotten while not very big in volume (although I seriously hope that changes *hint hint*) has been positive. But part of my goal wasn't just to create the most awesome fanfiction series in the history of X-men. I wanted this series to be special in that one day it would be recognized by Marvel.

I've already done a great deal of work to set X-men Supreme apart. I have spent time and hundreds of dollars of my own money putting this together. The art I've commissioned and the web services I've purchased are not cheap and I have absolutely no means of making that money back without getting into certain legal issues regarding copyright laws. How many other fanfiction writers can say they're that dedicated? Furthermore, how many other writers work hard to ensure that the series is updated biweekly like a real comic? It is because of this I hoped that somehow X-men Supreme would get an honorable mention as a legitimate expression of X-men.

To do this I sent an email to Joe Quesada himself, thanks to an email address provided by a very dedicated and awesome fan (you know who you are). This is the letter I sent:

Dear Mr. Quesada,

Greetings, I hope you are well and congratulations on your recent promotion at Marvel. You have a lot to be proud of and I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and what you've accomplished. I've long dreamed of one day joining Marvel and contributing my own creative works and recently I have begun something I hope will demonstrate my dedication and passion for comics.

First off, let me start by saying I'm a huge X-men fan. X-men has long been a favorite of mine since the days of the X-men Animated series. So last year I was deeply disappointed to see Ultimate X-men get canceled in wake of the events of Ultimatum. This comic had been my favorite for years. It was a fresh alternative to 616 and one I found more interesting in a number of ways. Luckily, 616 has really gotten more interesting since House of M and I've been avidly following the Second Coming crossover. However, I still feel like there's a void in the X-men universe. Now there is no real Ultimate style alternative. With so many big name X-men dead in Ultimate, it's impossible for it to carry itself as it once did. Other series like X-men Forever are still heavily based on 616 and aren't really full alternatives. So with no further outlets, I took it upon myself to create one for me and X-fans everywhere.

On the January 1st, 2010, the first day of the new decade, I launched my own website entitled X-men Supreme.

X-men Supreme Homepage

This website is a hub for a brand new Marvel Universe that I have created myself. I call it Marvel Universe 1015 (which is actually reflective of my birthday October 15th). On this site I act as though Marvel has employed me to write a new X-men series from the beginning, sort of like how Ultimate started. I started the same way Stan Lee did, using the Original Five and going from there. Since I cannot draw very well, I've done it in the format of fanfiction. But I try not to treat it as such. I have a strict schedule to work by and I call the new chapters 'issues' and not chapters. I also have a regular update schedule that I follow rigorously. Every two weeks on Friday, I add a new issue to the website that continues the unfolding saga of X-men. In the week prior to the update I offer previews as Marvel does before each release. So far I haven't missed a deadline nor do I intend to. Each issue is self-contained and I try to make it work and feel like the issue to a real comic series. They aren't short, spotty, and unrefined. I've summoned my years of writing experience to make this look professional and clean both in terms of style and characterization.

So far the site has been mildly successful. I have a hit counter on the site and it recently passed 1700 unique hits. I've even gained a small following and I've been listed on several fanfiction rings and I've been ranked on various search engines. But I have a strong desire to make X-men Supreme something more than regular fanfiction. I know Marvel by rule does not accept unsolicited work and I'm not asking that X-men Supreme be an exception. But is it at all possible that I can somehow get it recognized as a real series? By real I mean something that Marvel acknowledges in a creative context? Could I get X-men Supreme listed in the Marvel wiki or maybe get a link on your main website somewhere?

Please understand that I know all about copyright issues. I've cited copyright laws on my website stating that I make absolutely no money. In fact, this website has cost me a great deal of money to put together. I even had a title piece commissioned from www.comiconart.com to act as a centerpiece to my series. I've even had some inquiries from fans who want to contribute art of their own. I do not intend to profit from this venture at all. I only wish to gain some level of recognition as a passionate fan trying to contribute to Marvel and the X-men franchise. I would be more than willing to allow Marvel to advertise on my site and I would be more than willing to make adjustments per Marvel's request. If my small site can somehow help Marvel and X-men, then I am more than content with that. I know I can't be an X-men writer at the moment, but this is the closest I can get and I want it to be more than mere fanfiction.

I am a passionate comic fan and X-men Supreme has become part of that passion. I love what I do and I have enough stories with this website to update biweekly without interruption for the next three years. I could go much longer and I would love to do so with the knowledge that such passion is recognized by Marvel. Please don't think this is just me saying I think I know how to handle these characters better than writers like Matt Fraction, Chris Claremont, Zeb Wells, and Peter David. I know I have a long ways to go to reach their legend, but I would like to offer my take to the greater Marvel community.

Please let me know if this is possible in any way. Is there any way X-men Supreme can become special in the annuls of fan dedication? I understand that you're a busy man and if there's someone else at Marvel I need to discuss this with, please let me know. Thank you for your attention and your generosity. I deeply appreciate it and I wish you and your family nothing but the best. Keep up the good work and keep making Marvel as awesome as it can be.

Regards,
Jack

Now I'll be the first to admit I didn't expect a response, even if it was negative. However, just yesterday I got what I consider to be 4th of July present to remember. Mr. Quesada actually responded! This is what he said:

Jack sorry to say that there is no way that we would ever be able to sanction content that we not only don't create or control, but content that we did not solicit.

Sorry to be so blunt but I'm just trying to be honest. But also let's look at it more pragmatically. What about some other writer who is wither launching or has his or her own fan fiction site, are we to sanction all of these?

While I appreciate and understand your passion there really isn't anything I can do.

Beat

JQ

Granted, it was not the response I hoped. But I knew from day one that what I was asking for X-men Supreme would be a long shot. I had every indication that my request would be outright ignored. But Mr. Quesada did take the time to read my letter and acknowledge my passion. That in and of itself has to account for something and for that I deem it awesome.

So it does not look like X-men Supreme is going to get any kind of sanction or recognition. It's somewhat understandable. I'm just a fan who writes shit that may or may not be very good. If they recognize me then that creates a precedent that may be too cumbersome to handle. That could distract from Marvel's primary goal, which is to make awesome comics. And no honorable fan should want that.

I guess X-men Supreme is not going to be as big as it is now. It was a long shot and while my proposal was rejected, it was a shot worth taking. I guess the only thing I can do at this point is keep writing, making sure that X-men Supreme is still the greatest, least terrible fanfiction series on the web. I hope that one day this will change, but for now X-men Supreme is what it is. For what I've put into this, I'm okay with that. Nuff said.

Astonishing X-men #34 - Delayed Yet Only Half-Awesome

It seemed like only yesterday that Astonishing X-men was the alpha and omega of X-men comics. Under Joss Whedon, sure the books were delayed more frequently than Whitney Huston's divorce hearings, but whenever it did come out it was pure unadulterated awesome. Delays have always been the quickest way to make fans drill holes in their heads out of burning frustration, but so long as the wait is worth while we'll forgive you quicker than Kobe Bryant's wife. So when Astonishing X-men #34 finally came out (you know, the story that takes place before both Second Coming AND Utopia? Still not ringing any bells?) expectations were high. While Warren Ellis is a kick-ass writer, this comic wasn't so much a disappointment as it was a head-scratcher.

Now had this book come out on time when it was supposed to (which was actually close to a freakin' year ago), it would have had a much greater impact. But considering that it's coming out in the midst of a huge crossover like Second Coming, it might as well be pissing into the oncoming winds of a hurricane. Not only that, an entirely different Astonishing line called Xenogenesis came out before this book as well. Now you know a delay has gotten excessive when a spin-off has already been created and you haven't fucking finished the damn comic. Even though the tone of this story is very serious, because of it's lateness and it's inability to have even the slightest impact on the X-men continuity at large the grandeur is a joke even if the story itself is pretty awesome.

It starts out with a nasty confrontation between Beast and Scott. But wait, haven't we heard that before? Wasn't it a huge part of the Utopia arc which this story is supposed to take place before? Now if this actually did come out before then it would be a nice precursor, but sadly there's no impact here because readers have already seen where that story goes and seeing it here does nothing more than to evoke an exasperated groan. It does help that Ellis's dialogue is very witty and strong, but even that can't save it from the piss poor timing of this whole event.


Basically, Beast puts himself in hot water by revealing that all the research he did in regards to undoing M-Day (see Endangered Species) was hacked and the information was used to create these advanced bio-sentinels by Kaga, a wacked out geneticist who probably only has Mr. Sinister as a friend on facebook. Needless to say, Scott is pretty pissed. But unlike what happened in Utopia, he and Beast don't go Mortal Kombat on one another. In fact, the two start laughing and Beast even throws in a pee joke. Beast does something so few characters do in X-men anymore. He owns up to his mistakes while not apologizing for dong what he did under the circumstances. It would be so reassuring if readers didn't already know that these two would hate each other after the events of Utopia. But if you can remove that part of your brain that remembers this, it's still a pretty awesome scene.


While this dialogue is witty and fun to read, it does start to drag and it's on the verge of becoming boring. Then some action finds it's way in and a giant flying dinosaur attacks. No really, that's what happens. This is an X-men comic. Shit like that happens at least once a week and if you're not prepared for it you need to seriously consult your doctor about doing some additional brain scans (AMA and big insurance companies please send the check to Jack Fisher to that PO box in Baltimore I told you about when you get a chance).


But this dinosaur isn't just any dinosaur. It's the vampire life draining jerk off most X-fans will know as Sauron. It's been a while since he showed up in the books, but it's a nice moment that should at least give X-fans a semi-boner. The fight that follows is pretty intense and the art really shines here. It's definitely a step up from the fucking baseball uniforms used in Xenogenesis. Plus, Emma doesn't look like she's the slut version of the Elephant Man and manages to kick some ass by beating Sauron with her mind. It's not only awesome, but pretty damn hot.


While Sauron may have been defeated by a hot blond, he ended up doing plenty of damage because the flying ship the X-men were on was severely compromised and started going on a crash course. Oh yeah, did I mention that? This is all taking place on some flying hover craft. It's not the best place to have a fight even if it is pretty awesome. But at least this gives Cyclops a chance to make up for being a douche bag to Beast earlier. He formulates a plan on the spot, gives Emma a smooch, and heads off to carry it out. He's already looking cooler by any reasonable measure.


Cyclops then makes a visit to the hovering deformed head that had given them the answers that showed Beast's fuck-up earlier. To show he's not a complete jerk off he apologizes to the head before blowing it up. It may seem hallow, but at least the man is showing some sensibility. Even though it does seem contrived. While he's doing his thing Storm, Armor, and the others are heading back to the X-jet and bracing themselves for a rough impact that's sure to leave their bowls lodged somewhere between their liver and their thyroid.


The ship continues it's descent and that's where it gets ominous again. The ship doesn't just crash down towards some empty parking lot between a strip club and a McDonalds. It crashes into an opening in a mountain with an interior that looks like something Vincent Van Goah would dream up if he someone replaced his meds with LSD. It doesn't so much crash as it does land and makes for a fresh new scene, going from the darkness of a hover craft to the darkness of a mountain. It's about as novel as it sounds.


Along the way, the X-men get a glimpse of some nightmares pulled right from the head of Sarah Conner in terminator. A huge army of bio-machines are just hanging from the walls, not only carrying the ominous gaze of sentinels. But they're just as big as the sentinels as well. Never would there be a more appropriate time to shit one's own pants. It seems the battle with Sauron was just a prelude as is so often the case. There are still dozens of other sentinels to take down and at the rate of delays that this book endures, it looks like they'll be close to being done around America's tricentenial in 2076.


Of course, this is just a prelude. It sets the stage for a fight that looks epic, yet only to a point because we know they're going to survive and there will be absolutely no impact on the continuity. That alone is enough to take much of the punch from this otherwise awesome scene. At the same time, there's still a shot of an ominous onlooker who appears to be behind all this bullshit. He looks like the Professor, but again since this takes place before the events of Utopia and Second Coming there's about as much suspense as there is in a WNBA game between the two worst teams.


It is that lack of suspense and utter irrelevance that really brings this book down. By the end reading it seems more a chore than a dive into the pool of comic book awesome. Warren Ellis is a great writer who usually fills that pool well, but because of how late this book came out and how little it affects the X-men comics at large he might as well be trying to pump the awesome in with a teaspoon. It's a solid read, but it suffers from having too much dark ambiance and a weak context. The dialogue is as good as always and the art is several light-years better than Xenogenesis, but considering how long it took to get this to the stands it simply isn't enough to make up for it's shortcomings.

Now if this book came out before Utopia I would have no problem giving it a 4.5 or a perfect 5. But because Astonishing X-men has been so ridiculously delayed and so completely disregarded in the grand scheme of X-men, it's hard to really give it that kind of praise. This book could get away with it if it weren't parading around as something that happens in continuity. Yet this is supposed to take place in the greater 616 environment and because so much of that has been spoiled, it seems almost useless because there's no impact coming from it. Because of this, I can only give Astonishing X-men #34 a 3.5 out of 5. It's well-crafted and the art is great, but it's essentially a light fart in the middle of an erupting volcano. It would be best if this arc just ended as soon as possible so Astonishing can be allowed to assert itself in the new status quo after Second Coming. At least maybe then the awesome of these stories can be fully appreciated.

X-Campus #1 - Mutants Plus High School Equals Awesome

It seems every so often Marvel tries to put a new twist on their many classic characters. Sometimes it's a full blown alternate universe like the Ultimate series and sometimes it's something as simple as a What If comic. Some of them turn into great stories. Some of them become more fucked up than a German whore on free coupon day. Enter the series, X-Campus. It's got nothing to do with the mainline X-men universe and isn't even based on any what if premises. It is essentially a twisted and unusual take on these classic characters. It de-ages most of them, puts them in a high school, and goes from there. Now on the surface that sounds pretty fucking lame, like the kind of idea someone watching a re-run of Dawson's Creek may have come up with and not had the decency to be high while doing it. It also sounds like a complete knock-off of the X-men Evolution cartoon, which was pretty damn popular in it's own right. But doing it again? Why bother? Well, if you can set aside the bullshit cynicism you might just be surprised by how awesome it is.

It's true. This is a premise that doesn't suck. Not only that, it's actually made interesting in a way that shows these characters in a new light that feels fresh and fun without needing a line of cocaine to get through it like other comics (the Ultimate relaunch comes to mind). It takes some classic elements and entirely new elements and blends them in a way that's not just fun, it's refreshing from all the doom and gloom that has dominated the X-men since the Bush Administration.

It starts off with Rogue, a character who is put in a vulnerable position the same way every teenager has ever been in since the dawn of time. There are some elements that are completely lifted from 616 and the movie. Rogue's powers manifest when she first kisses a boy. She gets in a shitload of trouble and doesn't know what to do. It's almost analogous to a teenager finding out that sending naked pictures of yourself to a boyfriend breaks certain laws passed by old men disgusted with nudity. Only with Rogue, the boy ends up in a coma.


Then from there it changes. A social worker from Connecticut arrives and offers her a scholarship to a school. But it isn't the Xavier Institute. It's something called the Worthington Foundation. She doesn't look like any familiar face from the comics, but she does come off as someone important to the story. And she most certainly is. I don't want to give it away, but the words shape and shifter come to mind and her name rhymes with physique. Interested yet?


From there we get our first look at this so-called X-Campus. It actually does look like a normal school. Granted, it looks nicer than most schools and by nicer I mean less graffiti of dicks sprayed on every wall. It's definitely not the Xavier Institute. It's not some private mansion. It's a real campus, which explains the name if that wasn't amazing enough.

Also, we get to see some more familiar faces. There's a teenage Logan, which has to be dangerous on the same level as weapons grade plutonium. An adult Logan is bad enough, but a teenager? As if teenagers weren't inherently crazy enough, putting Logan in that mindset is just asking for trouble. But seeing as how he's portrayed as some burly adult in every other medium, it's a nice shift. Next to him is a teenage Scott Summers, who by all accounts looks just like his X-men Evolution incarnation. Jean Grey is there as well, but she's not a teen. She actually looks like an adult and she is, drawing inspiration from her more mature Femke Jennsen character from the movies (minus the bullshit that was X3 of course).


More campus shots ensue and Rogue still looks about as comfortable as a Catholic Priest at a Jonas Brothers concert. She's definitely giving off her Rogue persona and more classic elements continue to enter, like Scott and Logan butting heads. It seems it doesn't matter what age these guys are, they're always going to hate each other.

Then there's Emma Frost and Sebastian Shaw. Now this is a real kicker because while it's easy to imagine Emma Frost as a teenager, Sebastian Shaw is a bit harder. But that's part of what makes it so awesome because this is a guy who has carried the same douche-bag persona in every medium of X-men since Stan Lee and Jack Kirby fired off their first few brain cells. Yet here he is, looking like a regular kid with a bit of an ego because he gets to hump a hot blond. It's not just in character, it's a remarkable statement on the prevalence of certain douche-baggery in all public schools. Almost brings a tear to your eye.


But it isn't just the kids and the douche-bags they have to deal with that make up the story. Just as there are other annoying teenagers, there are also annoying professors nobody likes who come off as someone who had their soul crushed somewhere along the line and settled for teaching snot nosed kids to pay their therapist bills. Who better to play that role than Magneto? Only here he's not wearing a cape and bucket. He's wearing what you would expect of an uptight professor. In a ways that makes him even more evil.


Conversely, Charles Xavier comes off as the same wise nurturer of young minds as he always has. In fact, he's the guy who probably changes less than anyone else in this series. When he speaks to his first class, he looks and acts like he would in pretty much every other X-men universe. The presence of an adult Jean, who Xavier reveals is his assistant, helps contrast things a bit. It's a little hard to tell just how much older Jean is though. It looks like she could be a graduate student or someone in her thirties. The art does not do a good job of making that clear. But they continue with the theme of this being a real school and give a biology test. Honestly, when have the X-men ever been shown on panel as taking a real test? It's almost disturbing.


Now this sounds boring and it is, but it doesn't stay that way. The class becomes much more exciting very quickly when teenage Scott Summers gets a little antsy around Jean (hinting he may have a thing for cougars in this series). Now normally when a teenager gets nervous they lash out, get dramatic, or if they're a boy they get one of those random boners they can't seem to control. For Scott, the boner is his powers and the embarrassment becomes terror when he has to run out and look for a safe place to release the pressure. I could liken that to a masterbation joke, but I'll refrain for now.


The resulting incident blows a pretty big hole in the boiler room. The classroom is evacuated. Jean and the Professor have to be rescued. But hey, they get out of having to take a test. That's gotta count for something, right? It's not as intense as fighting giant robots or going toe-to-toe with a 5,000 year old Egyptian tyrant with a hard-on for destruction. It is essentially an allegory for how fucked up high school is. Granted, this story sort of ends abruptly and it's not clear what's done here. But it shows that while these are the X-men, they are struggling with age-old issues of growing up. It's like every John Huges movie only with mutants.


Now the next part gets a little spotty because this comic is actually giant sized. It's like two comics being crammed into one and while that's great bang for your buck, the transition's about as smooth as shriveled scrotum. Plus, it picks back up with the plot about Rogue which seemed to be forgotten from earlier. The key players now are Emma Frost and Sebastian Shaw, who appear to be friendly with Magneto or Professor Magnus as he's known here. It's classic bad guys conspiring against the good guys only here some of the bad guys are teenagers. In a way that's even more dangerous than a thousand Apocalypse battles.


The plot that follows is once again taken from X-men Evolution and the comics. Magneto's side tries to recruit Rogue and to do this, Emma and Shaw reach out to her. They do so with an activity that sounds less like X-men and more like 90210. They offer to take her to the mall. Rogue being a teenage girl accepts and you get the sense of what they're doing. They're like the jocks in teen movies looking to befriend the school nerd so they can take advantage of his talents. Only in this case, it has less to do with cheating on math tests and more to do with evil mutant agendas.


Emma does her part to come off as Rogue's potential BFF. She even invites Rogue to her room (not in the way all guys fantasize about though sadly) and shows that this version of Emma is more a party girl who enjoys her share of decadence. She even calls her room the Hellfire Club, as if the undertones couldn't be more subtle. Rogue looks like a fish out of water, but she still goes with it because who wouldn't? A hot girl with hot friends is showing interest? If there were a sign-up sheet for that shit there would be people beating each other up with baseball bats to get to the front of the line.


When they do get to the mall, it looks like a normal teen outing. It's hard to determine why Shaw and Emma would take Rogue here of all places, but it's not just for shopping. Apparently, they were on a mission. They were looking for another mutant who happened to be in the area. He wasn't easy to miss. He was the only one in the mall who was covered from head to toe in clothes and not making eye contact. Usually the guys who dress like that are either drug dealers or thieves. This guy turns out to be something else when he starts teleporting around, which pretty much gives away who this is.


A chase ensues, one that leads them out of the mall and on a car chase. Again, it's not the same as fighting giant robots, but a car chase is still in the same ballpark. It's drawn out nicely into quite a spectacle and despite Emma, Shaw, and Rogue's best efforts the cloaked figure (which is clearly Nightcrawler to anyone with half a brain's worth of X-men knowledge) gets away. Not only that, Shaw's car is totaled and for once it's not part of a Gieco commercial.


Lucky for Shaw, he has something better than Gieco. He has Magneto, who shows up just in time to see Shaw and Emma looking like idiots. He's nice enough to use his powers to fix Shaw's car, but he spends more time talking to Rogue. The point of the outing was to get her to join them. Granted, it doesn't feel like they did much to convince her, but he still makes his pitch. Here his word choice is a little fucked. He actually uses words like 'rule the world.' As fucked up as teenagers are and as naive as they may be, saying words like that is the fastest way besides a girl saying 'I'm late' to freak them out. It comes as no surprise that Rogue turns him down. She doesn't even wrestle with it, which is kind of a drag because it takes away from the emotional potential of the story.


It doesn't end on a completely grim note for Rogue though. The next scene picks up from some of the damage caused by the last plot, showing that Scott's incident was written off as a gas explosion. In addition Rogue is connecting with others who aren't such douche-bags. One of them is teenage Hank McCoy, who looks like a prototypical AV Club guy. He does in one scene what Emma and Shaw couldn't do in several. It's a good sign at least for Rogue. Watching on is Charles Xavier and Jean, who also seem to have an interest in Rogue as well. They end the story with an ominous hint of how they're going to take action of their own. It sets things up nicely for the next issue.


I'm not going to lie. This kind of book isn't for everybody. The premise really is different and the characters are construed in a way that may seem kiddish. But it's not done with kindergartners in mind. It is told as a real serious story. It's told in a refined and meaningful way that doesn't come off as bad fanfiction. I should know. I fucking write bad fanfiction. But it's not going to blow X-fans away with the kind of spectacles they're used to. A lot of the plot is built around teen drama and the rigors of school. It's something everybody can relate to and it's fun. So it's not worth bitching about.

If you like more down-to-Earth stories with the X-men or were a fan of X-men Evolution, then this comic is for you. If you like space-based spectacles, get your fix somewhere else. You'll be disappointed by the lack of aliens and killer robots. It's a good comic despite having poor pacing and spotty transitions as times. The art is also sub-par, looking a bit too much like a cartoon and not enough like a comic. But the characterization is very nicely done and the story is fun and engaging. Not only that, it's giant sized so it's a great value.

The final score for X-Campus is a 4 out of 5. This series has potential. I'm definitely on board for the next one. There's a lot of awesome to be had here and if you're looking for a less soul-crushing alternative to the mainline comics, X-Campus may be right up you're alley!

X-men Supreme Issue 14: Underworld Part 1 is LIVE

Happy 4th of July everybody! A holiday weekend is upon us and wouldn't you know it? A fresh issue of X-men Supreme is ready for the occasion. I've been very pleased with the feedback I've gotten thus far. The last update with Bedazzeled was more productive than usual. I got more emails and comments than I usually do (which isn't much to begin with mind you). That definitely added some extra motivation for this issue and I think it shows, but I'll let you the readers be the judge of that! The next phase of this fanfiction series is ready to begin and it promises to move things forward in this unfolding saga.

Issue 14: Underworld Part 1

I hope this issue garners just as much feedback if not more than the previous issue. I'll say it again. Please take the time to review! Contact me with any of your feedback and I'll be happy to listen and discuss all things X-men with you. This fanfiction series still has a lot of steam to spout so please keep providing me feedback so I can make it as awesome as humanly possible. Thanks again everybody and enjoy the issue!

Jack