Thursday, November 14, 2013

X-men #7 Preview - Random Returns

As someone who has blacked out many times and returned with little explanation and no pants, I'm in no position to judge characters who are MIA for a long time. I understand that the Marvel universe is a big fucking place and not every character can be properly scrutinized. That would be like trying to count the pubic hair on a porn star's snatch rather than enjoying the package as a whole. And given the size and breadth of the X-men, it's not uncommon for some characters to just disappear for a while without even the common courtesy of a tragic death.

But with Kitty Pryde giving the finger to and ditching the Jean Grey Institute with the Original Five, Brian Wood's all-female X-men team has a vacancy. And like a struggling football team checking the waiver wire after getting shut out on Monday Night Football, they're looking to tap some under-utilized talent. I like to think that it's not just because Marvel has a quota of beautiful women to fill, although I strongly suspect that their coveted male demographic demands it. Brian Wood already announced last month that his all-female X-men team would be facing a reborn Sisterhood of Evil Mutants. Naturally, they need more girl power to compensate for Kitty Pryde's departure. And in a preview released by Comic Book Resources, we find out that someone literally just barges right in to fill the void.

I'm all for beautiful women just coming out of nowhere and making themselves at home. It makes for a great porno, but not a great comic. My penis still approves though.

So Lady Deathstrike is back and has a pussy boner for bringing shit back from the dead and using it to fuck with her enemies. I guess that makes her a metaphor for every creepy goth kid that ever lived. And while it is nice to see the details of Jubilee's adoption of Shogo get addressed, Monet sort of ruined the moment. She might as well have barged in on Iceman while he's jerking off to old pictures of Kitty Pryde. I know I make a big deal about the little details in my reviews, but they really do make a difference. They are what separates the good comics from the awesome comics. I hope that there's more of an explanation of why Monet has decided to re-join the X-men. If there isn't, I'm just going to assume she's bored and too embarrassed to buy a vibrator.

I'm glad to see Wood keeping the girl power aspects of the story. The only characters with dicks in this preview are Shogo and Beast. Granted, I think Shogo is more man than Beast at this point, but I think angry feminists will be pleased with this setup. Then again, I know some probably won't be pleased until Wood does an arc that involves every female X-men taking turns castrating Wolverine. That probably won't happen outside Hillary Clinton's wet dreams, but at a time when women are keeping assholes like Mitt Romney out of public office and getting a new Miss Marvel, I think they have a lot to be proud of. Nuff said!


  1. Not really familiar with Monet I must admit I didn't know she's been an X-Men before, just new of Gen X, a student, X-Corp, International Mutant Relations, and X-Factor, a detective. Did Monet die in X-Factor? What are they talking about her being alive again? And one more little nitpicky but why are Shogo, an oriental baby, eyes suddenly colored blue?

  2. Anon: B/c the Dodson's are awful artists
    Seriously, Monet and Karima look eerily too much alike. And even Deathstrike has Monet's "look." I HATE the Dodson's and this was a good book, but if the art doesn't work it'll seriously fuck up the writing.
    I love Monet and I'll give the storyline 'a go' but not that "psyched" about it