Thursday, November 7, 2013

All New X-men #18 PREVIEW - Awkwardly Awesome

Being an experienced drunk, it’s not uncommon for me to find myself in awkward situations. I’ve had to explain to ex-girlfriends why I woke up naked in their bathroom with lipstick on my balls. I’ve even had to explain to my insurance company how a bowling ball can do so much damage to an engine block. There are no good explanations when the situation is that awkward. No matter how many blackouts or bar bets are involved, it’s bound to be a fucked up transition.

All New X-men and Uncanny X-men are both in the middle of such a fucked up transition. As chaotic and incoherent as X-men Battle of the Atom was at times, the ending did lead to one clear change. Kitty Pryde and the O5 X-men left the Jean Grey Institute to join Cyclops’s New Xavier School for Mutants. It would be like Peyton Manning getting traded to the New England Patriots. I mean it’s not that long ago that Kitty Pryde was yelling at Cyclops that he was out of his fucking mind. It also wasn’t too long ago that the O5 were so disgusted by what Cyclops had become that O5 Jean telekinetically attacked his ass. Yet now they’ve agreed to join him and he has welcomed them with open arms.

I imagine they’ve gained some perspective since their butt-hurt reactions to Cyclops’s last visit. For one, the O5 found out that Wanda fucking Maximoff, who actually committed mutant genocide, not only isn’t a fugitive, but she’s a trusted member of the fucking Avengers. Yet Cyclops, who actually undid the damage that she did, is still treated like a criminal. Also, Cyclops did earn himself some extra brownie points when he agreed to help the O5 during X-men Battle of the Atom after everyone in the Jean Grey Institute staff just gave them the finger and threw them into the clutches of the future Brotherhood of Mutants. Now they’re willing to give him an even bigger chance and if he ever wants to see Jean Grey naked again, he had better not fuck it up.

All New X-men #18 is set to be the first issue to take place after X-men Battle of the Atom. It literally picks up right where the last page left off with Kitty Pryde and the O5 showing up at Cyclops’s New Xavier School. The fine folks at Comic Book Resources must offer Marvel some awesome blow because they got their hands on a short lettered preview and it looks to be as awkward as my last traffic ticket.

I imagine it’s going to be awkward for everyone, but I would be shocked if before this Cyclops didn’t text Wolverine a picture of his dick with the message, “Heal from this, asshole!” I can only assume that message is implied.

So it’s going to be more awkward than getting a boner in the middle of gym class, but that can only make it more awesome. Brian Michael Bendis emphasis melodrama in All New X-men and with the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy crossover, I imagine he’ll try to squeeze it in like Rosanne trying to squeeze into an old pair of jeans. The emotions from Battle of the Atom are still fresh and I doubt Kitty and the O5 have forgotten why they wanted Cyclops in jail in the first place. But I think if it doesn’t get too fucked up, it could be an important part in the redemption of Cyclops.

I know I said it before, but I think it’s worth emphasizing. Cyclops was willing to help O5 Cyclops and O5 Jean during Battle of the Atom when nobody else would. Even his own teammates didn’t like the idea. But for reasons that set him apart from everybody back at the Jean Grey Institute, he decided to help the time displaced X-men when even he said in previous arcs that they should go back to their own time. He has been trying to go the extra mile in hopes of redeeming himself. It doesn’t help that the rest of the X-men are about as forgiving as a jaded ex-wife on a crack binge. He still wants to help mutants and he still wants to prove himself, if only to show the O5 that he’s not the asshole that Wolverine and Beast make him out to be.

That and I do think that his penis is influencing him here. When he first saw O5 Jean in All New X-men #3, he reacted with a wide range of heavy emotions. I imagine those emotions are also probably guiding his decision, but for right reasons and I usually can’t say that about any man who makes such a decision with his penis. I think it’s very possible that he’s trying to prove himself to a teenage Jean Grey, who embodies everything he fell in love with. If he can redeem himself in her eyes, then I think he can die happy even if every other X-man still hates his guts. She might be the de-facto litmus test for him. He needs to be that much better a man so that she won’t be disgusted by the thought of her future self marrying him. It’s easier said than done, convincing a teenage girl that he’s not a douchebag. But now that the O5 are on his team, he’ll have a chance to do that. And if he knows what’s good for him and his penis, he won’t fuck it up. Nuff said!


  1. Kitty's getting friendly pretty quickly. Logan and Ororo must have really worn down her last nerve.

    And poor Emma. Kitty and Jean: the two biggest thorns her side joining the new school on the same day? It's like putting a sack of live cats in the dryer and setting it to "air fluff". Someone's going to lose an eye.

  2. Anyone else kind of want to see Scott and Kitty together as an item? Mostly for entertainment purposes, because I can only imagine how much it'd piss Emma off.

    1. Lol if it makes sense (which I do not see the case at all). I put money on Logan and Scott hugging it out and going out for a cold one before we see Scott/Kat hooking it up

  3. I don't expect to see Kitty and Scott get past playful flirting. That alone would be good for the guy, he's always needed to lighten up. I hope she calls him out a bit too. If you remember the show Babylon 5, Scott can end up being a lot like Sheridan. Especially the part where he figures out the villain's plan with the words "That's what I would do." Someone has to remind him that despite the kudos for figuring things out, it certainly is not 'What he would do."


  4. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh, Kitty with Scott, yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Kitty is the best of the X-men, Scott said. And she loves Emma, hahahaha, really she loves

  5. Hey Jack! Just curious, what are your thoughts on the new X-Force by Simon Spurrier? I think he's been killing it with Legacy, but I know you're a fan of Cable and X-Force (minus jean rip-off.) because you review the book, but I'm not sure what you thought about the new Uncanny X-Force because I don't think you've reviewed that book a lot. Also same question about X-Factor, what did you think about investigations, and what are your thoughts about corporate x-factor? Personally, I'm really excited about both, plus I love me some sexy british Simon Spurrier =), but I'm sad to lose Spiral, Boom-Boom and Domino =(

  6. This isn't going anywhere.
    This issue and one issue of Uncanny then they'll jump into the Guardians of the Galaxy crossover, so i don't see much, if any development happening. If anything Kitty now knows the location of Scott's base and will double-cross him and tell Logan where they are. When you think about it there's been A LOT of this exact scene in Bendis' book....all the "new" characters Scott's team has brought here and we've seen this exact scene again and again.It's trite and reminiscent of everything we all hated about BOTA.
    I'm bored with Bendis.