Love triangles are like sleeping pills. In small controlled doses, they serve their purpose. But in large quantities, they can only lead to trouble. While love triangles tend not to lead to bizarre sleepwalking incidents like a guy taking a shit in his sister’s bathroom sink, they can be more destructive in a comic book than one of George W. Bush’s war plans. There are very few winners in love triangles. The first three X-men movies are proof of that. The comics do a slightly better job, but that’s like saying Miley Cyrus only went slightly less crazy than Charlie Sheen.
When Amazing X-men was announced, it wasn’t billed as involving a love triangle. The only triangle that seems to be unfolding is Warbird and Firestar arguing over who gets access to Iceman’s penis. That’s not much of a love triangle as much as it is a male fantasy for 95 percent of all young men. The main point of this series, at least in the first arc, is to bring Nightcrawler back. And for the first two issues, this has been set up in the most awesome possible way. Now Amazing X-men #3 promises to finally have the X-men meet their deceased friend in a battle against Azazel and I couldn’t be more excited if I were waiting in line to get a blowjob from Jenna Jameson.
As I showed in my review of Amazing X-men #2, this series has set up that fateful reunion with some of the most awesome moments that don’t involve Emma Frost’s breasts. Now CBR has once again delivered an early Christmas present to X-men fans in the form of an unlettered preview. But that unlettered preview has a few telling hints that have some fucked up implications without any words to give context.
This January, prepare for a Beast like you’ve never seen before in AMAZING X-MEN #3 – from the critically acclaimed creative team of Jason Aaron and Ed McGuinness! Split between heaven and hell the X-Men battle supernatural forces unlike any other – and they’re in way over their heads! Now, to shut down Azazel and his army of demons – Hank McCoy must unleash his animal side! Plus, the moment you’ve all been waiting for – the X-Men come face-to-face with Nightcrawler! Don’t miss the bombastic AMAZING X-MEN #3 on sale this January!
It’s an awesome moment, seeing Beast not acting like a total douche for once and taking on Azazel. It’s an equally awesome moment to see Nightcrawler finally confront his friends again. And Storm was happy to see him and some parts of her body might have been happier than others. It may just be the heat from being in Hell or just being overwhelmed to see her friend again, but the subtext in this preview is too overt for those of us who don’t read comics sober.
Now I’m not going to go on the same drunken rant I did with All New X-men #15 for O5 Jean and O5 Beast where I point out that it seems to be coming from nowhere. Back during Chris Claremont’s last run in Uncanny X-men, he did hint that there were some romantic undertones between Nightcrawler and Storm. He never went anywhere with it, but there is precedent so at least I can’t claim someone at Marvel took a bad hit of acid. However, Storm is already involved with Wolverine, as was made abundantly clear in Amazing X-men #1. And while it may not have reached Twilight-esque levels, it is still new and underdeveloped.
Therein lies the problem. If Marvel thinks a new love triangle is the only way to develop a relationship, then they either had to have extra security guards at their weddings or dated some really fucked up women. Wolverine was already part of an epic love triangle that spanned two decades and ruined multiple X-men movies. He doesn’t need to be part of another one. Granted, I may be reading too much into it like I often do when I smoke too many joints in the morning, but I’m officially burned out on love triangles in the X-men comics. They never turn out well. They might as well be another clone saga in the Spider-Man comics. There are a lot of things the X-men comics don’t need at this point and a love triangle is at the top of the list along with Jean Grey dying and another Fantomex clone. Nuff said!