Tuesday, December 17, 2013

All New X-men #22 Unlettered Preview - More Black and White Awesome

Unlettered previews are notorious for leaving way too much to the imagination. And that’s not a good idea for anyone with an imagination as perverse and fucked up as mine. It sounds so noble on paper, letting the readers form their own conclusions. But in practice a reader’s mind is prone to form some pretty fucked up connections to the point where most will say, “Fuck it, a wizard did it.” I try to be a little more creative with my fucked up connections, but I can only do so much with the brain cells I haven’t killed.

With X-men Battle of the Atom over, Marvel has already set the stage for the next big crossover event. The Trial of Jean Grey promises to be a blowjob to those obsessed with continuity flaws. O5 Jean Grey travels to the future. Future events like the murder of 5 billion aliens comes back to bite her. It’s the clearest possible continuity anyone could possibly get without asking that a comic come with a diagram. So far, Marvel hasn’t released much detail except for a black and white preview for Guardians of the Galaxy #11. It didn’t reveal much other than some pissed off aliens plotting to get revenge on a pretty redhead. I’m pretty sure that’s the premise for a handful of pornos. But since it is a crossover and crossovers tend to soak the panties of casual fans, another black and white preview was released for All New X-men #22. I’m sure its premise is consistent with a number of pornos as well, but not quite as much.

The arrival of the original X-Men in the present sent shockwaves through the Marvel Universe, but we’ve only seen the effects on Earth. When alien races learn that Jean Grey, host of the destructive Phoenix Force, is back on earth, they do something about it. Now it’s up to the rest of the All-New X-Men and the Guardians of the Galaxy to save Jean Grey from twisted intergalactic justice! Don’t miss two of Marvel’s biggest franchises crossing over for the first time!

Again, it’s hard to glean much from an unlettered, uncolored preview when it’s hard to tell if anyone is shitting themselves. But this one does offer a few more tantalizing details compared to the previous preview. For one, the ongoing tension between O5 Cyclops and O5 Jean apparently gets worse after the next two issues. And poor O5 Angel looks like he got involved in three-way that turned into a bar fight. I’m sure both his heart and his penis hate his guts now.

It many mean that they didn’t address the revelations in All New X-men #18 in a very mature manner. And who would expect them to? They’re fucking teenagers. Maturity is still an alien concept to them. O5 Cyclops found out that O5 Jean is now looking elsewhere to soak her loins. As a result, he started looking elsewhere and already has been shown to fancy X-23. Yet in trying to push each other away, their hearts and their genitals won’t let them. Again, they’re teenagers. It’s rarely that simple. And it appears that neither of them approve of the romantic choices they’re making. That or they’re yelling at O5 Angel for farting when he eats. It’s hard to tell, but again those are the crazy conclusions a drunken mind like mine formulates.

Beyond chaotic teenage hormones, it seems O5 Beast hasn’t given up his fondness for confounding math problems. Perhaps he’s just as curious as I am as to what the fuck is keeping the O5 from going back to their own time. That’s still an unanswered question and I’ve yet to smoke enough week to make me forget about it. Considering that this whole story is based on making O5 Jean pay for crimes she commits later on in life, it might be a good idea to figure that shit out. If not, freaky alien types are going to come after O5 Jean and it’ll only end up resembling a lot more pornos. Nuff said!

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